I was declared the week of Thanksgiving, which was the church’s gift to my family on such a memorable holiday. Since then until February, when he finally disconnected, my heartbroken son had been trying to wrap his mind around his mom being an SP and how to “handle” me. I am devastated but will not stop fighting to get him back, and fighting to stop this horribly abusive tactic of disconnection that the church of scientology uses to control its members. My son is in the honeymoon phase, and I feel responsible for setting him up to be the Scientologist he is today, for being the kind of Scientologist that would disconnect from his mother who he loves. (I never once talked to my son about the shit that was going on with me. He only found out something was up AFTER the Comm Ev. when he was barred from attending the big event because his mother was disaffected.)
I only hope it doesn’t take him 35 years to wake up to the fact that he is in a destructive, mind-manipulating cult.
My story is virtually the same as many other stories of disconnection. I was a young adult in 1973 when I did the Comm Course and received Life Repair. Those two things set the stage for me. I trained in Dallas and interned at Austin Org. I was a staff auditor at Mission of the Southwest in Dallas when the crazies hit and I left with Vicki Stokes (Aznaran), Rick Aznaran and two other mission staff to go to Houston to start a mission. I did not like the state of affairs going on and being forced to do work I did not enjoy nor sign up for. So, in 1977 I left staff. (As an aside: An interesting thing of note to me around this time is that within a few short years, Vicki Aznaran became Inspector General RTC! This was astounding to me how she could go from Mission Ed to this vaunted post in such a short time. One of these days someone should explain to me how that happened.)
By 1991 I had trained and interned as a Class 6, HSSC, NED, FPRD, HRD auditor and I was OT VIII, and I did it through my own savings and hard work. I wanted to do these things. Did I believe in everything I read or heard on a tape? No. Did I believe and did every auditing action I receive or do work for me? No. Did I have any regrets up to this point? NO.
From 1992 to 2004, I lived in Clearwater and virtually did no services but along with my husband, raised our two children and was very happy. The New OT VII was promoted heavily and I, regretfully, decided to do it. In January 2005, I was auditing again on OT VII. There were red flags popping up but none so obvious or great as The Basics push in 2007, the regging for those, the observation of every post regging, the IAS non stop regging for donations, the Library Campaigns, the enforce, enforce, enforce, the must do’s! the sec-checking!
These were things that bugged me a lot but the point of no return came when I was cold cocked with an erroneous sec check in spring of 2009 when I was called in to complete OT VII. Without going into the full extent of it, I never got over that betrayal and from that point up to when I completed NEW OT VIII, my mind followed some survival route out. I wasn’t lying per se in order to complete levels and programs, etc., but I was not-ising (burying in my psyche) big time. When I walked off the Ship in January 2010, I knew I would never hold the cans again. It was a quiet promise I made to myself that I would not put my psyche in the hands of another – EVER AGAIN.
I knew something was wrong at the top but the skies parted when, in mid 2010, I actually allowed myself to verbalize to a friend, “Something is wrong with David Miscavige.” I began to read and when the Debbie Cook email hit in January 2012, I said “Hallelujah! Finally.”
I have read a lot related to the state of affairs in the church but I really want to thank in particular Jeffrey Hawkins, Marc Headley, and Marty Rathbun for revealing so much of what is going on in the church and helping me to connect the dots on things that were wrong.
In May 2013, I was called into the MAA office at Flag over a couple of KR’s, and calling David Miscavige a sociopath. The MAA began to insist I hold the cans. As I had already made clear to him that I would not ever hold the cans again, I walked out. That was the day the clock started ticking for me.
This is where I would like to thank Mike Rinder. When the shit really hit the fan for me at this time, he was there for me as I started to download to him what was happening. For the next several months it was a mantra from OSA or an MAA personally or on a via from my husband or a friend to tell me to just go in and get a sec check. Clean it all up. Then everything will be all right. Yea, right.
Even though I never met or even talked to Mike until after I was declared, I could write him and without giving me advice or invalidating the way I was handling things, he showed me kindness and real understanding. This, coupled with some strength given to me from a very good friend, Steph, and a family member, helped me to make it through this horribly isolating time. If we are all on our own personal journeys in life, this is what I gained in this chapter – the lesson of true compassion and empathy (without a scientological filter) and the power of the words, “I’m here for you.”
My family is fractured and my son has disconnected from me, but I do not regret or have second thoughts about the way I handled this situation. I did what I thought was right and took a slow and sometimes very painful route in order to try and save my family. I have never thought I did it for honor or integrity or any high-minded concept. I JUST COULD NOT TURN MY BACK ON THE PEOPLE WHO HAD BEEN ABUSED or the people who were continuing to be abused with false imprisonment or physical, mental or spiritual slavery. This is basically why I got declared.
To those out there that know that something is wrong but don’t want to find out: Please, do your due diligence and find out for yourselves the truth. One of the most frustrating things to me in this journey has been those Scientologists out there that are trying just to live in good standing with the church, while knowing there is something wrong but don’t want to look behind the curtain. It makes no sense that you are helping to preserve what you think the true intentions of LRH are and the goodness that Scientology has to offer and at the same time fail to do the one simple task of finding out the truth for yourself. I will continue to fight against the abusive nature of disconnection as well as the many other abuses the church of scientology inflicts on its staff and its parishioners.
UPDATE: I do not want to put up another posting so regular readers miss this one, so I am simply adding this to the end as it cannot go unmentioned.
The “Sara’s Choice” story was picked up by the New York Daily News (and a lot of other media to come…) and finally Miscavige responded (you will recall they refused to respond to ANY communications or requests for interviews from the Tampa Bay Times) and this is what they said:
Church officials told the Daily News that disconnection is a voluntary practice, and on their website the church says they encourage members to have “excellent” family relationships, whether Scientologist or not.
“Any inferences that the Church interfered in the private affairs of this family or any other are categorically untrue,” said Karin Pouw, spokesperson from the Church. “The Church of Scientology declines to debate the meaning or application of the voluntary practices of the religion, with the emphasis on voluntary.”
This is how you handle things from inside a bubble of sycophants.
This, in light of that story, has got to be the most arrogant, insane response he has ever come up with (it is an absolute certainty that this statement was NOT written by Karin Pouw, she is not capable of this level of arrogance). Absolutely tone deaf to the facts that are presented or the empathy that ANYONE who reads the article feels for Sara. Effectively saying that she, her husband, her son and everyone associated with the story are liars, but we “decline to debate.” I know why they decline to debate. He thinks this sounds like the “high ground” and all he is doing is alienating everyone who reads it even more (if that’s possible).
He would have been better off saying nothing.
Thanks for sharing. You are in good company here and have lots of support. Hang in there. Nice to meet you
Church officials told the Daily News that disconnection is a voluntary practice, and on their website the church says they encourage members to have “excellent” family relationships, whether Scientologist or not.
“Any inferences that the Church interfered in the private affairs of this family or any other are categorically untrue,” said Karin Pouw, spokesperson from the Church. “The Church of Scientology declines to debate the meaning or application of the voluntary practices of the religion, with the emphasis on voluntary.”
Yeah like paying one’s taxes is considered “voluntary” under IRC.
Uh huh……
Thanks for posting your story Mary.
LR
This subject of disconnection is fresh on my mind as a result of this latest example, and it occurred to me to delve even further into my own examination of the cultural attributes of Scientology and how the group can be very powerful and effective when reinforcing disconnection. I ran across this really insightful young man Brian Culkin who I think got a good take on Scientology before getting chewed up enough to leave on his own. He was not in as long as I was or many of you but I think his conclusions are much more along the path that my cultural UNindoctrination is taking me. I am still peeling the onion. I think what he has to say is very clear and untarnished and really reminds me of how I used to view the culture and organization of Scientology so many many years ago before I Q&A’ed with my own conclusions and observations.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R31Ea2FjKhE&list=UUkohIipYvmCarOriMY1GT9g
“Brian Culkin on Scientology” in case it does not come up, on YouTube.
Mary. Thank you so much for your encouragement and kind words.
I would like to amend your “every bear has his day” to “every mama bear has her day.” :o)
And WOW SARA! Thanks for letting me know this. I’m happy that our stories are being heard and having an impact out here with those in, out or never-in. Well done on spreading the word about the brutality this church is dishing out.
No problem on spreading the word part. More than happy to help with that. Like I said, I’ve never personally been in it but my brother was just getting started. I spent weeks, 2 or 3 weeks to be more accurate, reading over this blog, Marty Rathburn’s, the Underground Bunker, Surviving Scientology channel on Youtube & a couple of others just to learn everything I could about it aside from the official “church’s” word for it. I wanted the FULL story. Both sides, the good as well as the bad, since nothing in life is perfect & everything has both it’s virtues as well as flaws, since what I had heard from the news, etc wasn’t good & it was my brother getting involved with them & we’re the only living family either of us have left so we look out for each other. We’re very protective of each other because of that. All the brutality & abuses, the disconnection, the basically slavery, the whole nine yards atrocities of the “church” are rampant & it makes someone’s stomach turn in disgust & outrage.
The disconnection really got to me. I’m so sorry for the people who are living that every day. It pains my heart that this “church” would force that on people then say it’s voluntary when it’s not. It’s hard for me to even think about how I too could have experienced it because there’s no doubt in my mind that they would have forced my brother to disconnect from me & I would’ve been declared, hope I’m getting this right, a Suppressive Person all because I’m a naturally skeptical person who asks questions things & won’t just take their or someone’s word for it. I would’ve came to be against the “church” anyway whether my brother stayed in or not because of what it does. I’m just thankful I was able to catch my brother in the still early part of it & that there is all of you guys out here being brave & speaking up. It’s so terrible that so many of you are living that every day & have lived through so many brutal abuses all because of that “church.” It needs to be stopped. There’s a difference between a religion & brutal, abusive organization masquerading as a religion. Religion & faith are fine, well & good but this “church” isn’t that. But, the word is spreading like wildfire & I’m certain that I’m far from the only one who is on the outside affected by you guys speaking up in such a great way. You guys just more than deserve the huge thank you & the encouragement because of what you’ve been through & what a lot of others are still going through which are ridiculous & insane (the spying & harassment which has made the headlines). You guys deserve a medal for having to deal with that despite the fact you shouldn’t have to deal with it at all. 🙂
Mary, I’m a father of 3 daughters in the UK. I’ve been watching the Leah documentaries. My heart goes out to you. You are all so brave!! I hope your son wakes up Xx
I”ve never been in the “church” but I just wanted to say thank you & to all that have shared their experiences. You have no idea how it affects us on the outside & in a great way. Matter of fact, experiences like this & all the others found on here, Marty Rathburn’s blog, the Underground Bunker have actually saved my very own brother from entering the “church.” Literally. I’ve been reading on here & those other blogs for weeks & showed them to my brother. Thankfully, he ran from them so quickly I’m wondering if he set a new sprint record. So, thank you, Mike, Mary & all who have spoken up & told your experiences. You are saving lives from the abuses, etc of the “church.” More than you know. 🙂
Hi Sara,
I’m very happy to hear that people are being helped by reading about our experiences in the CoS. This is good news because then new people are able to make an informed decision about whether they want to or should join this group. If they choose to join the CoS, (cult) then they are doing so with their eyes open. It also protects innocent people who are looking for help, to know what they are getting themselves into.
Whenever I post here, I always do it with the public in mind, who are still in. I know many of them need help and answers to get out. So I’m very happy to hear that we are making a difference here.
I agree, Mary. Your post is helping many people just as Sara and Sheldon’s story did.
All these stories coming out now is like new life emerging after a brutal winter. Quite inspiring and encouraging.
This blog is getting better as it delves into the affects of the RCS’s inhumane policies upon real people. Many good, kind and generous people are coming out now in support of the victims (Although victims is not even close to the word I am looking for. They are more like bears emerging from a long hibernation, eager to experience a new season of Sunshine and Freedom, hungry for Truth and Justice and Beauty).
I salute you all. Everything has its season, and every bear has his day.
Or is it every dog?
Mary,
I wish you and your family the best and hope you will all be reunited soon. I believe that in time, your son will see what’s happening around him and as he matures, will come to realize what things are truly important in life. No son or daughter wants to be disconnected from a loving parent when they know them to be precisely that.
Stay strong and hopeful. The day will come when you can hold him in your arms again and he will need you to be there for him.
Regarding what you went through with your auditing sounds very familiar to my own. I know how you feel and want to say you did the right thing by ending the self torture and keeping your personal integrity intact. This is not an easy thing to do with all the external pressure we get from our friends, family members and org staff and I admire your honesty in being true to yourself. I believe that when we do that, only then are we able to be good for others. I can tell that you are a fine person, and I’m with you on ending the abuse within and outside the cult that has no ethical boundaries.
The Co$ gives the expression ‘a whale of a time’ a whole new meaning.
Wow, Pepper! I just read this and want to thank you for taking the time to post your thoughts. I have read your words of encouragement to me more than once and find they are so honest and heartfelt. I appreciate you and what you have said very much. Love to you.
Dearest Mary,
Greetings from southern Africa from Frik and Elma. Your family has grown as evidenced by the responses in this blog. We are your new family, and you ours.
You are our heroin.
And we will win.
Hello Frik, Thank you for your post and your wonderful words of welcome. It is nice to have a family out here and friends. You do have a great name. :o)
I wish you and Elma well and if you ever come to Florida, it would be a pleasure to meet you both.
Mary, Congratulations on your freedom and for also doing the right thing. Exteriorizing from the dead carcass of the CoS is not only the only survival route left open to you, it is also the single most powerful action that anyone can do to pull others including friends and family members out of the Church in their wake. It’s called “setting a good example” and believe me, it has serious impact on those remaining inside the “spiritual meat grinder” (well put Luis). Consider: if you had done nothing. The very act of deciding to remain in the Church would have tended to encourage others to also remain in. In other words, remaining in is the primary thing that keeps people from leaving.
In World War I, it was a well known datum that if 50% of any fighting force was wiped out, the remaining 50% would be SURE to mutiny. By having Scientologists continue to leave, every single additional person brings us closer to that 50% where all the rest say “To hell with this!” and they leave too.
I encourage you to post your name on the Indie 500 list on Scientology-cult.com. A further action you can do to plant your flag and defy the suppression that has wrecked innumerable lives.
One thing everyone can agree on; disconnection is a problem for the church and it’s continuing course of action is only speeding the exodus. Scientologists already know the orgs are empty and that something is wrong. You can join us now or you can join us later. The sooner you ACT, the sooner the situation starts to improve. All you need to do is be willing to be there and communicate. Put your name on the Indy 500. We have strength in numbers. Go Independent and declare yourself free and untouchable from the David Miscavige abomination of Scientology. Get your auditing from well trained auditors who only have your case gain at heart. The church has betrayed Scientology and has betrayed Hubbard. You won’t be betraying ANYONE by doing so and by gathering the courage to rise up and say “NO” to rampant and immoral disconnection you will be empowering yourself. let me say this, you’ve NEVER done a PTS handling like leaving the Cult of David Miscavige.
You’re on fire today Doug! 🙂
Well said, Doug! I copied and pasted your comment and sent to an UTR.
Thanks. It’s been said better by those before me but I feel responsible to communicate my truth as I have healed and learned from my cult experience in Scientology.
Thank you Steve. It is really good to see your post. You are of the people out here that has helped me a lot with your blog and posts. I would be happy to put my name on that list as one who supports the right of others to practice Scientology without fear and with free-flowing communication.
Thank you for what you are doing and for what you have done to set things straight.
Jim Jones informed Congressman Ryan that his adherents were in Guyana voluntarily and anyone who wanted to leave with Ryan was free to go. How free? They were shot at the airport along with Ryan. No one believes Miscavige’s statement about disconnection being voluntary and Miscavige’s failure to understand that will be his undoing.
“….Miscavige’s failure to understand that will be his undoing……” I have personally concluded Miscavige KNOWS exactly what the ramifications are of his actions and I believe he has knowingly and intentionally calculated his actions to harm and destroy others. I think it’s almost a bit grim to even ponder the extent to which this black whole of a being has sunk. It’s truly truly evil evil stuff.
I refuse to ever give him a hall pass based on “stupidity”. Dude is evil on steroids.
Darth midget definitely ain’t gonna be earning no humanitarian award.
Very nice words. I appreciate them and your support very much.
Mary,
Thank you for speaking out, for being courageous, and following integrity and truth.
It always pays off in the end, You have my full support and understanding.
Keep that wonderful smile, it is the manifestation of Theta itself which wil prevail.
hemi
Mary,
I understand. Your story reads much like my own. I thank you for stepping up and speaking out. You are a true inspiration for others to come!
Cheers to you, Sara Goldberg and all the Mommies out there!
Thank you and I’m sorry to hear you have had to go through this yourself. Cheer to you too; I hope you are doing well and fully recovered.
Mary,
Every story that comes out like yours, every person who is willing to speak up, brings proverbial sunlight to shine upon what has become a nightmare of soured and stolen dreams. I hope your son sees the light sooner rather than later, but no doubt your loving patience will bring him home to you in time.
Thank you very much.
David Mismanagement is a LOSER! He has no friends nor family. Every single one of his family members has disconnected from him and fled. His own niece, Jenna Miscavige Hill, has even written a book, warning everyone to stay away from him. The only one who stood by him, his wife Shelley, he disappeared singlehandedly away into the mountains somewhere and she hasn´t been seen for 7 years now. He could have killed her, for all we know? All his top executives have either fled or been disposed of into his private prison, The Hole, at the Int Base.
Meanwhile he is busy declaing people left, right and center in an attempt to get rid of anyone opposing his tyranny, while at the same time he is having an out 2D relationship with his secretary Lou, living life like a rock star in unbelievable luxury, busy stashing away millions of parishioners´ $$$$$ to off shore accounts so he can continue his luxurious lifestyle after he is finally thrown OUT of The Church of Scientology.
He is calling himself “The Pope”, but in fact he is a liar, a cheater, a fraud, a swindler, an impostor, a trickster, a tyrant, a bully, a home wrecker and a CICSMF SP………..did I forget anything?
Now, how can this possibly be “The Only Road to Total Freedom”?
And WHO the HELL is he and his henchmen to declare anybody an SP???
You forgot to say, “and everybody hates him!” Otherwise, you didn’t leave out a thing. :o)
Mary
Thank you!
I think we are in agreement.
Well done on your exit Mary. All this disconnection is being done so capriciously and irrationally. I believe it is just gross misapplication, disconnection policy or not. LRH has been gone almost thirty years and I feel it’s ridiculous to blame him for every idiot that pushes for compliance, or decides to treat people like dirt. I’ve been in Scn 40 years and have never disconnected from anyone. Most of the sp declares are the result of out tech or just arcx’s that could be handled, so the origin of the disconnection is totally invalid and irresponsible. These so called maa’s, immature and drunk on power, are responsible for their indecent and inhumane treatment of others as are the coercive handlers and fb nazis. I can’t think of anything more juvenile. This suppression is so rampant now, catching like cooties, it can’t go on much longer because no one will be left. I truly believe this will reach critical mass and there will be a lot of reuniting. The whole thing has lost all meaning, credibility and basic, common decency.
Yea, you definitely seem to have the picture and I agree that it does seem like a critical mass is imminent. We will see.
Somehow I missed inserting the link from which I obtained my quote. Here it is.
http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~dst/Cowen/audit/foster01.html#nz
In response to Roy Macgregor and Mary McCarran Kahn
As early as June 1968, I believe I read somewhere it was commenced ever earlier in 1967, 716 individuals petitioned the New Zealand government for an inquiry regarding the disconnection practices of the ‘Church” of scientology. This can be found a few (8)pages into the Foster Report of which I provide only a very partial quote as follows:
(ii) New Zealand
24. On 28th June 1968, a Petition was presented to the New Zealand Parliament signed by 716 persons and asking for an Enquiry into Scientology. Parliament referred it to the Select Committee on Social Services; after hearing a substantial volume of evidence this Committee reported to the House on 7th November 1968 recommending the appointment of an Enquiry as prayed. The House having agreed to the Committee’s recommendations, there was set up by Order in Council dated 3rd February 1969 a Commission of Enquiry into Scientology, with terms of reference limited to
“The working of existing law and the necessity or expedience of any legislation in respect of the activities, methods, and practices of the Hubbard Scientology Organisation in New Zealand or any associated Scientology organisations or bodies in New Zealand in so far as those activities, methods and practices may –
(a) Cause or contribute to estrangements in family relationships;
I feel it is essential to have this information to provide a broader more complete perspective on the historical proactive concern and compassion that brought to the broader public fore the ‘potential’ harm of disconnection policy as issued under Hubbard’s reign.
Roy, I do understand your good and well supported argumentation regarding ‘extreme case’ disconnection. I however will draw your attention to the June 1968 date and the date of the HCOPL date of later that year. It at the least alludes to the value of ‘shining the light’ whistle blowing upon a ‘sole source’.
This makes me wonder if there are now enough numbers of long time members who have been harmed or are aware of the harmed, that another similar petition might be of value.
Mary, it appears you have never been truly alone in your and your son’s dilemma, in fact your have now both ‘insider’ and ‘outsider’ support to help you both become whole again as a family and friends.
Mike’s Blog Banner draws our attention to just such a way.
Thank you for speaking out, Mary! I hope you can reunite with your son sooner rather than later. I’m sure it will happen, just a question of when.
Reading the church’s response to the Times story has to be encouraging. It shows how out of sorts DM is, walking the edge of a cliff and one glass of scotch away from falling off. If he doesn’t get it together, and I don’t think he CAN get it together, there’s got to be a big shakeup coming.
One would think that there WOULD be a big shakeup coming, but considering how DM seems to be the only one in charge, I don’t see how that’s possible. I predict he will go off the line one of these days and the shore story will be that he did everything he could to get “things” set up for the Church’s expansion but that he has to move off the line now because too many SP’s are attacking him and it’s affecting the expansion of the Church. And those still in will buy it.
Well you’re right about DM, but I think there will be a shakeup on the public side, where more and more people will have the courage to do what you’ve done, maybe setting off a chain reaction. I just have a strong feeling about it. The public all keep each other in, rapidly isolating people who stray, but it’s easy to imagine that group losing its cohesion as the evidence becomes thinner and thinner that things are going well.
Mary, I can empathize with your situation. Several years ago, I got an “ethics handling” in the field whereby I came to the erroneous conclusion, no doubt facilitated by the person “handling” me, that my entire family (mom, dad and two sisters) were suppressing me so I was guided to write disconnection letters to each one. I had second thoughts, but was encouraged to write each family member and mail them which I did. This created the total opposite effect and caused the estrangement of everyone on the receiving end. So I think I can understand what you may be going through. My mom was never a Scientologist, but I can imagine the effect it must have created on her. I later apologized to all concerned and worked on reestablishing communication which I feel I did.
I personally see no reason at all for disconnection unless it’s obvious that some person is actively putting you down and stomping on your dreams, but that kind of happens naturally, as who would want to be around a person like that?
I applaud your integrity and my wish for you is to be reconnected with your son in the near future.
Best to you,
MJ
“I personally see no reason at all for disconnection unless it’s obvious that some person is actively putting you down and stomping on your dreams, but that kind of happens naturally, as who would want to be around a person like that?” ……..Exactly my sentiments. Hubbard was brilliant in many ways but he also re-branded some pretty common sense concepts through his own unique vernacular, called it “tech” and then put his own spin on it. The fact that this piece of “tech” was able to find it’s way into a socio-political arena whereby thought control and emotional blackmail could be leveraged upon his own adherents is rather specious. It was a non-starter from Day One, doomed for abuse. Careless and negligent. Or intentional. I’m still trying to figure Hubbard out because this “tech” contradicts earlier axioms the subject seems to based upon. What the hell was were the grades for anyway? Why doesn’t Miscavige stress auditor training so people can handle OTHER people instead of this heavy handed dirty business of pitting mother against son? I was under the impression that the entire body of tech was for USE.
Exactly right, Doug. In other words, if the person is an actual SUPPRESSIVE person, not a dissenter, or a disagree’er, or a loud mouth! That should be the only reason ever that anyone should disconnect (and it should be their own choice, not under any pressure from others).
Right! From the auditor point of view these capricious disconnections are just gross out tech. The idea is to help someone with their life troubles, not get rid of everyone they talk to or have an upset with. I’ve audited/coached a lot of people to raise their confront and responsibility, to handle people with COMMUNICATION. Lo and behold…….they had a nice win and felt more causative and capable! One woman thought her mom was an sp but I found out she had borrowed a lot of money from the mom and had not paid her back as agreed. The handling was so obvious! When she paid her mom back and stopped bugging her for money, it was a miracle, mom ceased being an “sp”. These disconnections bypass any hope of getting to the real situation, an actual beneficial resolution. The rcs staff is far too busy with fund raising and cleaning hotel rooms to actually handle anyone.
Excellent points Hallie Jane.
Ironically, MJ, when of the most positive things about this situation is that it has brought my mother, sister, brother and sister-in law even closer. Although, I’m not sure they think more highly of the church.
Thank you for your well wishes and I look forward to reading your sometime poignant and other times witty comments.
Thanks Mary – shared injustices have a way of bringing people together.
Thank you for sharing your poignant story. I wish you the best, and hope that your son has an epiphany.
The Church is parsing words more than any politician. They can reason that disconnection is voluntary, because it is — the person has the choice of disconnecting or being declared PTS or SP him or herself.
As to the closing line “He [David Miscavige] would have been better off saying nothing.” A sane exec might issue a proclamation like this:
“As ecclesiastical leader of the Church, I hear allegations of forced disconnection with concern. I am appointing an independent panel to investigate this matter and make recommendations by the end of this year.”
He could even reinstate the Watchdog Committee. Well, that’s not going to happen.
The bubble at this point is like a one-way mirror. You can see in, but you can’t see out (at least not without taking a big risk).
Let me close by thanking you for sharing and giving you my wish to you and your family for the best.
There are so many positive tips given on these blogs. You would think that OSA would pass a few of them onto DM. He seems to take the low road consistently. Says a lot about him.
FOTF12 Thank you also for your well wishes. Very much.
Looks to me like you’re reconnecting here with lots of people Mary. Besides the thousands of people who just quietly left or are still in but under the radar there are lots of people who, just like you did, spoke out against COS. You might be interested in the following list: http://whyweprotest.wikia.com/wiki/Former_Church_of_Scientology_members_who_have_spoken_out
(As one of the anons working on it I am just pluggin this list every now and then, I hope Mike approves it. 🙂 )
Thanks TrevAnon; I’ll check it out. :o)
Mary,
I’m sorry I didn’t have a chance to log onto Mike’s site earlier today, but now that I have… there you are!
Wonderful write-up! You covered everything with grace and dignity– as you always do.
If you don’t mind, I’d like to share with the world what I’ve already told you privately: You have the best laugh this side of the Mississippi.
All my love and support to you and your family.
War Horse
Thanks War Horse. I think I have a chance of getting it back.
🙂
Mary,
I know the darkness you’ve been through and it’s so wonderful to see you in the light. I love reading the comments you’ve gotten and hearing the happiness in your voice as you respond.
I admire your courage and honor your integrity to stand for what you believe in, knowing the loss you were going to experience with Sammy.
I’m so proud to call you my friend.
Love,
Marsha
Marsha! Thank you! You were there for me too. Your support was huge!!! Thank you again. I love you and respect your and Steve’s courage as well.
PS. Happy Birthday!
I am with you, in one way or another, each doing what is right, we will end the horrendous abuses perpetrated by DM and his minions.
Very well written story and I am glad you took you path; is ts your life after all.
As a note, the insiders should take note of the numerous OT VIIIs and VIIs that have been declared.
Huge outpoint to say the least. But we will get there, this will end.
Thank you again and wish you well Mary. You are not alone.
Someone should start a list of all the OT 7s & 8s declared. You can add my name to the list as an OT7 who was declared. 😉 In fact, March 20 is my first anniversary of my declaration of SPville, but should be known as my declaration of total freedom!!
Thank you, Silvia; your words are very much appreciated.
Dear Mary,
I am a never-in, but have followed this (sorry, no disrespect) cult, for years. As a mother and grandmother, my heart cries for you. As I look at the picture of you and your son I can see the Aura Of Love that CONNECTS both of you – no “disconnection” by the ruling of a man with a diseased mind can break that bond. Have faith that the cord that connects your hearts is still strong, and that in time this will be healed and you will be reunited with your son. Know that there are so many of us out here (and I imagine, in there) who feel your pain and stand in solidarity with you through your journey.
Thank you very much Annette. Your words are beautiful and I think go along with the Robert Frost poem that Ellie posted.
Dear Mike,
I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting my story. If it helps others, than that will be the best reward. I know posting it has helped me tremendously and I think I will be able to move on and get on with the show (as they say).
Thanks so much for being there for me when the chips were down and for being my friend. I am so lucky.
You are more than welcome Mary. I am always happy to be able to help in any way I can. And I have found a whole lot of wonderful new friends, you among them. And what is so great is that not a single one of these friends will ever stop being my friend because someone else tells them they should end the friendship.
See you again soon! 🙂
+1
“The MAA began to insist I hold the cans. As I had already made clear to him that I would not ever hold the cans again, I walked out. That was the day the clock started ticking for me.”
Mary – Thank you for the very powerful visual. I love stories where people regain their self determinism and stand up to tyranny.
Yea, now that I have a hard-core subjective reality on what that really feels like, it ain’t like the movies.
Dear Mary,
I’m so sorry for what you’ve had to experience. I know how hard it is. You lean on those you know are there to support you and help you through and it will make it easier. In our few talks I can say you and Sara are two of the most NOT SP people and sooner or later the change that must occur or the awakenings that must occur will happen. I believe that and so do more people than those who actually attend scn events – at least that’s how I’ve come to see it.
Hugs to you.
To cob’s pretense that there’s “no such thing as disconnection” or “it’s a voluntary thing” fails to acknowledge that the world’s not buying it. The fact that it was in writing to Sara that she had to disconnect is the writing on the wall. It was written and sent to Sara, so it’s not quite so easy anymore to say it’s not true…
Where does a person have to be living to tell themselves that the choice they’re given is any choice at all. It’s so absolutely evil of him to call that a choice it’s nauseating, literally hair-raising, spine chilling evil. How he can live with himself in light of all his destruction is a testament to just HOW evil he is – he’s beyond human and is a living, breathing evil purpose.
So, now tell me how you really feel. :o) Boy Gayle! You pack a punch!
Thanks!
“To cob’s pretense that there’s “no such thing as disconnection” or “it’s a voluntary thing” fails to acknowledge that the world’s not buying it.”…. actually Gail thank you for pointing that out, that in itself has been slightly infuriating for quite some time now. But considering who he is, it’s to be expected isn’t it? Miscavige keeps creeping up the in rankings as a most unlikable fellow.
Mary, you are one of my closest and dearest friends and watching you go through your own personnal hell was heart wrenching for me. I just hated every minute you had to endure the calls by the CofS and the constant invalidation and evaluation you were put through. What I admire most is that you did it your way. I am happy that you were able to get your story out and I know how hard it was to PUT your story out there for all to see. What I always admired about you was your personal integrity and knowing what you wanted and going along a path that was right for you. The evil and sadistic way you were treated was beyond imagination. I know karma will smack every one of those true SPs who knew the way to hurt you the most was through your family. I, too, feel that your son will eventually come to realize that what you see in the CofS is not what you get and he will call you and become once again the son he was. Like Sara, you are good and kind and smart and the kind of person anyone can be proud of to call a friend.
Love you, Bonnie
Thanks Bonnie. Yes, you were there when the skies parted for me.
:o)
Thanks for being a friend.
One of the worst kinds of karma is “mind-#uck” karma. The little one has much he will have to answer for when his life on earth ends.
Well stated Roy.
If the church maintains a public position that the family is a vital building block in society perhaps the MAA/Ethics drones will reconsider giving out advice such as I received (Tampa Org MAA late October 2005) consoling me while I was torn apart over my mothers impending SP Declare, that the SP declare itself was “the most humane thing to do” for an 83 year old woman (who was about to lose contact with all her children and grandchildren…. FOREVER.) Apparently old ladies who are “SP’s” upon receiving their SP Declare in the mail are supposed to have some spiritual revelation and cognite that they are being suppressive, promptly get on with dropping the body and then come back next lifetime and get back in good standing. (An actual conversation) THESE PEOPLE ARE INSANE and a danger to themselves and others. Because they commit crimes against humanity I refer to them as criminals and those who support or hide them are called accomplices. No sugar coating it. People who don’t speak out , stand up, leave and call a spade a spade are enablers and accomplices. Knowing or unknowing.
So sad. And I sadly state, “Hear Hear” So true. I hate to admit, but so true.
Doug – I totally agree. After a while, it becomes a “choice” to ignore Scientology’s crimes against humanity and the “in the best interest of” justifications for them! Pretty soon – murders will be the stat of the week. How many people did you murder so that we can set beings free???
Scientology – the Organization that commits heinous crimes daily and covers them up to “stop criminality” and acts bat shit crazy insane to “stop insanity”?
Scientology is nothing but one huge crime against humanity!
If it did any good – that good is overshadowed and cancelled by criminal extortion, black mail, money laundering, non disclosure and no accountability of parishoner’s donations, shattering of families, selling lies and using deception and manipulation, propaganda filled with lies – there are just too many crimes to even list here!
It has taken up thousands of posts on the internet and after reading for 2.5 years – I still have not read all of the crimes. They just keep pouring out daily!
Wow Doug, what a bunch of gross eval and horseshit! What did your mom do to warrant her declare, speak her mind? Have an opinion? Not that it matters. Good for you, for the integrity to stick with your mum.
My mother observed a registrar at ASHO hound someone for a recent inheritance (both parents died) and at the time she was having her own difficulties with the cult clone drones which became the last straw. THIS WAS IN 1983. In 2005 the church dredged up all the old KR’s on my mom and she ended up getting declared. She was fine about me being a Scientologist all along. There wasn’t even any antagonism. She was cool. She was done with Scientology but even urged me to continue because it was working so well for me. The ethics drones at Flag are apparently under some mandate to find everyone and anyone connected to Scientologists no matter how far back into the past they have to dig, and then declare them! The church is actually creating antagonism and then attacking families that are intact and forcing disconnection as a social control mechanism. The fact they couch these attacks as “technical and ethics matters” is a total pretense. There was no sane reason to declare an 83 year old woman who stopped doing Scientology in 1983. This is the most blatant example of going OUT OF THEIR WAY to create enemies I have ever seen. By declaring my mother, they church lost 7 members, lost $$ in refunds, and gained life long critics and enemies.
Thank you for sharing your story Mary. I really got it, every line. Know exactly how you felt leaving the Freewinds and making that decision.
Mainly I felt the punch when you wrote:
“I JUST COULD NOT TURN MY BACK ON THE PEOPLE WHO HAD BEEN ABUSED or the people who were continuing to be abused with false imprisonment or physical, mental or spiritual slavery.”
This is because you are a humanitarian. Not an S.P.. I applaud your courage, honesty and ability to care.
XXOO
Thank you. Who are you? I would really like to know, if you don’t mind.
Dear Mary,
Well done, good report.
Mary, the telling of your story, and the passionate but dignified way it was told, will enlighten and help many in many corners of the world.
That would be the best reward and my only reason for posting.
Karin Pouw’s quote should be sent to every Scientologist still on lines, and stating that she is speaking officially, as a lawyer and PR for the church.
” Church officials told the Daily News that disconnection is a voluntary practice, and on their website the church says they encourage members to have “excellent” family relationships, whether Scientologist or not.
“Any inferences that the Church interfered in the private affairs of this family or any other are categorically untrue,” said Karin Pouw, spokesperson from the Church. “The Church of Scientology declines to debate the meaning or application of the voluntary practices of the religion, with the emphasis on voluntary.”
Mary you are a remarkable woman. Thank you for speaking out and telling your story. I am sending positive thoughts and vibes your way. The church lies through its self-righteous hypocritical face. It perverts and abuses the practice of disconnection. But it won’t engage in “debate”. As if there is something to be debated! There is nothing to debate. The church blatantly perverts the practice of disconnection. Disconnection is employed as a final straw when the person feels he is under too much duress from an antagonistic source and has tried to handle and handle unsuccessfully. Your case didn’t even come close. Neither did Sara’s. The church used your children to attempt to control you into subverted submission. It didn’t work. Now they say,” whoa we don’t engage in debates. We encourage excellent relations”. But they insert themselves into the heart and soul of these families, impose impossible demands and then turn around and self righteously claim “it’s all your fault. ” “what? You can’t make it go right despite us?” “What’s wrong with you? What’s your out-ethics?” “Don’t you know that the makings of a true OT and group member is the ability to continue to make us look right and good despite our overwhelming destructive force?” This is why I applaud you and Sara. You both are true. You see. The way out is the way through.i firmly believe you will not only come through it but that you will bring your families through it as well. I’m on your side!
Your post is amazing freespirit and says alot about your understanding of this church. Your words of support are beautiful. Freespirit. My positive vibes are with you. I wish you well.
David Misfit´s stupid comment at the end about the church not practicing disconnection is just……..stupid!
Mary,
My heart goes out to you for your loss, although I believe it will be a temporary one.
Well done on the way you handled it. I know exactly what you mean when you say you “followed a survival route” while on the Freewinds.
The CoS has become a spiritual meat grinder.
Yes, I think just about anyone who was on the Ship at that time and maybe even still, went through their mental and spiritual hoops to get through it.
Thank you, Luis, for all you are doing to expose this church. My best to your family.
Dear Mary!
Just by looking at your picture I can tell that you are a very lovely and caring person. Being a parent myself I can understand your sorrow and desperation. What kind of people think nothing of it to enforce disconnection between a mother and a child? One must have a heart of stone to think this is the best way to survive. Such people, who are saving the planet, but don´t give a shit about the person in front of them, are certainly NOT the kind of people one would wish to associate with or trust.
With the crazyness inside the bubble growing and growing your son will eventually start noticing that things don´t quite add up and the church is in fact not practicing what it preaches. Some kind of unfairness will at one point hit him and make him wake up and start to look and think for himself. And OUT the door he will run, like we all did, when we woke up. And he will run home to mama! – Because of all the free PR the church is getting on a daily basis on this site and so many other sites, I think it will happen sooner rather than later.
Just remember: In the end everything will be all right!
If everything isn´t all right,
it isn´t the end!
I love your post! The little poem in the end is great. :o)
“…people who are saving the planet but don’t give a shit about the person in front of them….”
My sentiments exactly!! How the hell does the church or anyone think the church (with its social betterment groups, etc.) is saving the planet when the only way you can do that is ONE PERSON at a time.
And their “one person at a time” SUCKS!
Congratulations on your epiphany and change of status Mary. Hopefully, your family members will soon follow. I was good friends with Dean and Vicki, and to some extent Rick, back in the day, and visited Dallas often (I had 5 missions in the mid-west). Though it obviously strained my relationship with Dean, I remained friends with Vicki during their split and helped her a bit with getting started in Houston. You and I probably met, though I confess to not remembering any specifics. If you’re really curious as to how Vicki rose so quickly after joining, SO, I may have some answers for you, since there were some efforts to get me to join along with her. It all started with Liz Gablehouse, who was at Flag in late ’70’s- early ’80’s. Rather than cluttering up Mike’s blog here, just contact me at: paradigm2@hawaii.rr.com if you’re interested in more. Again, W/D- Jim Wolery
Jim,
Thanks for the clarification (above) on the relationships of the various Stokeses. That settles a couple of confusions for me. Delores had a mission in Dallas/Ft. Worth, too – long ago.
Leonore
Yeah, Leonore, Dolores was the Sr. tech terminal and sort of partners with another lady (who’s name I forget), and it was that mission I believe that Dean bought, or somehow assumed- you could do that kind of thing back then. Alan Walter (who I worked with for several years) was around there during those times too, but I don’t have the complete story on who was doing what and where. Alan died, but Dean is still kickin’ so if you have a burning desire to clear up further loose ends from that time period, I can get you an email address.
Thanks! Yes, having money illegally taken off both my Flag account and my son’s CCI account in 2007 to force the purchases of unordered and unwanted $3K “Basics” book packages was a
big eye opening turning point moment for me as well.
It is an honor for Lisa & I to call you our friend. We have your back.
Thanks so much Kevin and Lisa. You guys are great!
Mike… I hope he carries on in this vain… If I recall Tommy Davies’ statement on CCN was the final straw for Paul Haggis… For whatever time Mr. Miscavige has left in his self constructed gilded cage I pray he continues this line of denial… It will only serve to wake more up.
Thank you for telling your story! Hang in there, it won’t take long for your son to realize what’s really going on!
Thank you all so much. It means a lot to me have your suppory to read your kind words, opinion and take on the state of affairs within the church.
Re “Sara’s Choice” in the paper today, I find it remarkable that the church disclaims enforcing disconnection. OSA tell your boss that EVERYONE (yes, I mean everyone) knows that you are playing with words.
My son knew that he would get declared and lose his friends and “the Bridge” if he did not disconnect from me. THAT is forced disconnection.
EVERYBODY knows that.
Dear Mary,
Hello from South Africa and thank you for your article. I am really sorry for your loss but know that your son will come back to you. You need to sow just a little seed of doubt in his ear and it will grow and grow until he realizes that he has been betrayed.
You are lucky there are so many people in your area that are able to support you in your moment of need.
Fortunately for us in S A they, being the church, made the mistake of declaring about 30 of us almost at the same time( first 18 and then the rest followed) now these 30 are connected to at least another 5 each so they have a real problem on their hands as the SA field is not that big. So there are at lease another 150 that are under the radar.
We too ( the first 18) had big family problems but with ARC and data have managed to avert some of those tragic disconnections. My advice to you is DO NOT CUT your comm line with your son… Just keep sending little pieces of Data and even though it might drive him a bit mad, something in the end will penetrate. Maybe something on his trac is holding him there in fear.
Love
Gaye And Ernest Corbett
Gayle and Ernest, I have read your story and commend you for taking your courageous stand. I would like to not cut comm with my son, but the church has made communicating next to impossible but I will hang in there. After all, if he wants to get the car in his name he’s going to have to communicate with me. (It’s always nice to add a little levity in these situations.)
Continue to fight the good fight and I wish you and your family the best.
+1 Yes, just keep sending emails, PMing his FB with theta, writing letters, sending notes, baking cookies, even if they come back. “Hi son. Love you, have a magnificent day.” “Have a great birthday.” etc. No drama. Fun comm.
He will know that you are TRYING to reach him. That does count for something. Send them with a return receipt required so that, even if they don’t get to him, you have the proof that you sent them.
I can pretty certainly tell you that he’s secretly hoping that you don’t give up on him before he gets the courage to do something about this and reconnect.
I think that’s excellent advice. Be change you wish to see in the environment. Be the parent that you feel you should be, and don’t give in to doing otherwise.
Thanks, Hallie Jane. And it does work. They protest for a while but that’s all the CDEI scale. Just keep it positive and short…and OFFFFF topic of Scn. How is he, how is the job going? Need help with anything? Love you, ttfn. 🙂
Hi Mary, thanks for the write up. I was lucky in that I had my wife by my side and had no sons or daughters in. When I spotted where my suppression was coming from, I had a tremendous release and I found out who my true friends were. I don’t suppose I would have experienced the release that I had if I had family disconnecting from me at the same time. Again, thanks for the write up.
Well, that’s interesting to note, because I really did experience a release when I spotted that something was wrong with David Miscavige and even though it has been a slice of hell, I have my own truth.
I would have been in hell for the rest of my life without doing what I did.
“Church officials told the Daily News that disconnection is a voluntary practice, and on their website the church says they encourage members to have “excellent” family relationships, whether Scientologist or not.
“Any inferences that the Church interfered in the private affairs of this family or any other are categorically untrue,” said Karin Pouw, spokesperson from the Church. “The Church of Scientology declines to debate the meaning or application of the voluntary practices of the religion, with the emphasis on voluntary.””
The debate? “Voluntary” means that you will do whatever the hell we tell you to do and you will like it. You will not only like it, you will tell yourself that you are doing this of your own free will. You will fully and completely volunteer to allow us to OWN you, sucker.
+1
Yes, BINGO!
I wanted to thank you, LDW, for being there for me when I was in one of my darkest moments.
I told you my name was McCarran.
It was my pleasure.
Les
OH! I see you’ve already met the Warrens’! 😀 Was I right or was I right about the theta? Love those folks.
Les you nailed it.
Thank you very much for your story of integrity and courage. I hope there will be many more that will take your route and leave. I wish that your son will see the light soon and you will be re-connected. All the best to you and yours.
Thank you to both you and your husband. I believe you have had to endure a similar story.
I hope you are doing well.
Mary your story is touching effective and inspirational. Thank you for adding your voice and support. I believe that with each instance of willful intentional harmful assault upon the affinity and bond between children and their parents, that Miscaviges abomination of Scientology will slide ever closer towards a final internal collapse. At one time I acted as your son has, turning my back on my 83 year old mother. She contemplated suicide. I regained my senses and I trust your son will too. My family has a Scientology Survival Story. Until all other families recover from these morally and ethically bankrupt criminals, I pledge to continue to speak out where ever possible against them. As my own mother’s life draws ever closer to its end I am so grateful I mustered the courage to assess and act before it was too late. I have faith that your son will too.
Wow. Thank you for what you are doing.
I’m so happy for you and your right choice.
Good for you Doug Parent, you’ll be proud of yourself for ages to come.
Oh for sure! I enjoyed and made personal strides through auditing but the surge of personal empowerment and restoration of integrity as a result of my deciding to leave and then speak my truth will never diminish as a signal point in my life. And yes I want others to have similar gains as well. I don’t wish to steal Marys thunder here so I will cool my jets today but hopefully what WE ALL have to say will help to inspire others recover their lives and restore families and heal from this Scientological debacle.
Mary, you are a strong individual with lots of integrity and love to give. I’m so happy to see you come out with your story on Mike’s blog. With all this communication coming out on the truth about disconnection things have to change. Your standing up for what is right is what is needed. More people need to be brave like you and stand up for what is right.
Amen.
One of the reasons people could rise to great heights rapidly was that the requirements were mostly negative for exec positions e.g. no LSD, no drug reversion, no criminal record etc. rather than OEC FEBC Class 8 etc.
Yea, I agree, but Vicki had something special.(sarcasm)
Was Vicki “Stokes” Aznaran a daughter of Dolores Stokes? What was the relationship? I never knew there was any connection…
No Leonore, Delores is the mother of David Stokes (who had Fresno mission for quite a while) and was from the far north Dallas area (Prosper, I believe). Vicki got the Stokes name from her marriage to Dean Stokes who had the Dallas mission (Mission of the Southwest) until it was taken over by the Finance Police in ’81. But Dean, even though they had the same last name and grew up fairly close to each other, wasn’t related to Delores at all either. I don’t remember Vicki’s maiden name, but she was married to Rick, and therefor an Azniran, before getting into Scn in Dean’s mission, then divorced Rick to marry Dean, then divorced Dean, got Rick to join the SO with her, and remarried him.
Mary,
Thank you for your awesome write-up and your class in keeping your integrity in despite all of
the reasons not to.
Same as many others have commented, with such a firm basis it can only get better. I wish you a very fast decompression!.
Re Vicky: I got to know her better as we both did the Running Program at INT/GOLD in 1983. Yes, there was something very special (ditto re sarcasm) and I wondered who put her on the IG RTC post. I reckoned it was DM and this was an early point of wondering “what the hell…”? How can such a person be a good senior executive? It was never possible to change that viewpoint.
Greta
She was made IG by Annie Broeker. Definitely NOT Miscavige. She sided with Annie/Pat in the war for control of the church with Miscavige. You know who won.
Mary,
You are coming out of the jungle into the light. There is a wide open sky and room to run – it will take time to adjust to the freedom but it is sweet.
Your son will try to justify what they are telling him, he will try to “save” you, he will try to tell himself that “they” are right and you are “wrong”. It will fail.
You and your husband stand united, do not let them bully you for any reason.
No speed of wind or water rushing by
But you have speed far greater. You can climb
Back up a stream of radiance to the sky,
And back through history up the stream of time.
And you were given this swiftness, not for haste
Nor chiefly that you may go where you will,
But in the rush of everything to waste,
That you may have the power of standing still-
Off any still or moving thing you say.
Two such as you with such a master speed
Cannot be parted nor be swept away
From one another once you are agreed
That life is only life forevermore
Together wing to wing and oar to oar …. Robert Frost
We all love you & know that you will make it out as a FAMILY.
Ellie Ellie Ellie!!!! So good to hear from you!! It’s been years!!
Thank you for your beautiful words and poem. Inspirational! Hugs and love to you and your mom.
How apt, Ellie.
The Frost poem quotation-one of my favorites from him.
It surely speaks to all freedom lovers everywhere.
The problem with miscaviges response in the NY Daily News article is that every KOOL AID drinker knows he’s lying. Every SCN whether in or out, knows for certainty that the church enforces disconnection if you don’t follow the rules. By now, they have all be “encouraged” to disconnect from someone, whether it be their mother, father, brother, sister , good friend or simply a Facebook friend. Or they at least know someone very well that has had to.
So, if they were to read the article – which unfortunately isn’t very likely – they will see the church lies.
Their response was as disgusting as it was false.
Very Disgusting. Like I say below: EVERYBODY knows the church is playing with words.
Heh Dave! If you want to hear REAL applause, the cancel disconnection. Even your parishioners hate it.
I don’t ever see Miscavige canceling disconnection, I think he enjoys being THE SELF IMPORTANT ONE who causes so much suffering. Like John Hinkley, or Mark David Chapman, I suspect he get’s off by being a such monster sociopath. Gotta give him one thing, he certainly is going to “smash his name into history”.
Yes, yes and yes!
I know of more stories of parents out and their young adult kids in than the other way around. One day that glass will be cracked, and they’ll all start pouring out.
Mary, I just love that you were there in front of the MAA and wouldn’t submit. Courageous!
It was a living nightmare but I had made a promise to myself.
Dear Mary, we were into the situation involving family. It was touch and go but worked out alright. This situation for you is heartbreaking for your family and friends too. It isn’t all Miscavige but Ron set up this house of cards for the money he had never made. Both men abandoned the good in Scientology. Ron had charm Miscavige overplays his hand. Disconnection hurts everyone involved. BJ
OMG! BJ! So nice to hear from you! Thank you for posting. Let’s talk.
I would love to talk with you when you will have the time. I have fond memories of you, BJ
reposted
https://whyweprotest.net/community/threads/mary-mccarran-kahn-march-16-2014-by-mike-rinder.117460/#post-2435101
The comment by the church is an outright LIE that they do not interfere in disconnection issues! Here’s an email I got not only telling me to disconnect from someone, but to report back with my compliance! No interference? These creeps trolled around my facebook account!
Hi xxxx,
I am working with the DSA CCI. Debbie Jean Cook was Declared, you have her as a friend on Facebook. I am writing to let you know you should unfriend and block her. I sent you this data on you FB messaging but you must not have checked your FB for a few days. Please unfriend her and let me know you did. I have to report back to the DSA CCI tonight. Hope you get this email.
ml, xxxx
Wow. Creepy.
Creepy indeed. I was blown away when I got that email and couldn’t believe that a “church” spent the time and resources to have someone check through the names of my hundreds and hundreds of facebook friends to see who I was friends with.
Regarding Mike’s update: “Any inferences that the Church interfered in the private affairs of this family or any other are categorically untrue,” said Karin Pouw, spokesperson from the Church. “The Church of Scientology declines to debate the meaning or application of the voluntary practices of the religion, with the emphasis on voluntary.”
That blatant lie in the face of a signed IJC letter to Sara stating: “I cannot approve that you continue your connection with Nick as is a violation of HCOB 10 SEPT 83 PT(S)NESS AND DISCONNECTION.”
VOLUNTARY? My ASS! WHAT LIARS.
Bruce
Thank you for sharing your story Mary. I guess I was very fortunate that I only had to get myself out and therefore I probably can’t truly appreciate what you, the Goldberg’s and many others have had to endure. My heart goes out to you.
David Miscavige is ARC-Break manufacturing plant running three shifts but I believe we are coming closer and closer to his final day and the reunion of a lot of people whose lives have been pried apart.
All the best to you Mary.
I can imagine the lies OSA told your son to get him to disconnect from you, the mind control is numbing. They will never admit to any wrong doing which will be their undoing, the truth shall set you free, they are trapped. Welcome out of that trap!
Mary, I felt the impact in every word of your communication. I met Mike Rinder in 1986. He was a “Big Guy” to me. It was 2008 when I heard he had left the Sea Org and I knew things were wrong in Scientology but that told me things were seriously wrong. The English language is limited and there are no words to express my appreciation for Mike and the work he is doing.
Hi Mary,
What a great post! Thanks for telling your story.
Leave it to the current church to declare you just in time for the holidays.
You and I know each other a bit through Sammy. He is a smart, thoughtful guy. I’m sure recent events are causing him to think about things and even if he is currently swayed by the various church terminals telling him why d/c’ing from his mom is the greatest good, this will stick with him. And as he notices other outpoints, I bet he’ll start to put the pieces together.
I’d love to reconnect with you. You can reach me directly at xclassv@hushmail.com
Thank you! I will do that.
Dear Mary,
Thanks you for sharing your experience. It is so vital that they see the light of day.
With all the turmoil going on in the church, I have noticed it helps me to keep some of my attention on things that are good for me – pleasure, understanding, spiritual discovery, self-compassion. To not become consumed entirely by agitation, anger or hate, although it is healthier out than in 🙂 Continue, as a labour of love.
I can barely imagine how much your son must be hurting deep down inside. This cannot go on much longer. If there is such a thing as karma, then this church has wracked up such a debt of collective pain and abuse that no amount of gains can outweigh, at least not now.
Here’s to happiness for you and your family.
Yes, this is good advice.
It’ll be nice to move forward and create my life anew.
See addition to the end of this post. Amazing response from the church.
Miscavige never fails to disappoint.
He is a consistent disappointment as a human being. Only his removal, demise or escape (I’m sure long since planned and extremely well funded) will end this incredible travesty. Rather than escape to asylum, he belongs in one, out of touch with normal humanity.
“He is a consistent disappointment as a human being.” ~Thegman.
Well said my friend.
Mike – every time he opens his mouth (this posting and his painfully famous response to Leah Remini regarding Dancing with the Stars), it just reinforces how f*cked he is without you there. I don’t know how you kept his insane rantings out of the press for so long. ::Head shaking::
Mary – thank you for the beautifully expressed announcement. My husband and I were so very fortunate that we had each other and we had no family or business connections to lose. We lost friendships we valued but gained so many new ones. I am convinced that disconnection is the ONLY threat that can still be used to keep people in the church. Without it the halls would be totally empty (as opposed to mostly empty).
Having talked to several New OT VIII’s, seems the common unspoken EP is walking down the gangway with passport in hand and thinking some version of “I’ll never let them do that to me again”. I had observed long before I left that even VIII’s who stayed on lines started drifting away and mostly became less active. After my completion, I totally understood.
Enjoy your new freedom. We are in the Austin area. Should life bring you here, would love to hear from you.
Oh! Thank you! I will. Austin is one of my favorite cities.
GTBO….typo
“Clean it all up. Then everything will be all right.”
There is the ultimate poison pill. Sell your soul to the Devil,
UTR or on the fence? Get out now, it will only get harder the longer you stay.
Mary, my thoughts and good wishes are with you. PV&I major pass.
Excellent post Mary
I am sure it won’t take 35 years…
I had similar experiences as you and decided in 2005, after New OT V, that the tech was so altered it had become unusable… I am sure your son will catch on soon. The tech and admin tech is sooooo squirrel in RCS, it’s hard to imagine anyone is “in” anymore.
I Know! It is hard to imagine. I mean just sitting and waiting for your F/N to be indicated alone!
“Destroying the bond between mother and child is the ultimate vicious act.” – Steph
This is so true. I can’t even begin to imagine the depth of spiritual corruption that must occur before someone is OK with doing this. THIS is every parent’s worst nightmare and it has happened to far too many people.
Mary, I really hope that your son wakes up soon and comes looking for you. I think being in the “church” nowadays is such a horrible place to be that people will start waking up faster and faster. <3
I pray you are right.
What a lovely person you are!
Whenever I see your name, I read. Your words are some of the best, and of course, these are the best yet. (I couldn’t resist.)
Thank you, though, truly.
Mary, your courage is outstanding and thank you so much for going public with your story. I know from my own experience how hard it is to face up to the Church and maintain your own integrity in the face of the forces they rally against you. I truly hope your son comes to his senses and realizes what a fool he is being for choosing a cult over his own family. You have an army of friends out here now and we are here for you.
Your story meant a lot to me Chris. I thank you for posting it as I know it has helped many out here. You were one on the front lines that made it out and I tip my hat to you.
I will never ever understand why the victims of disconnection tolerate what happened to them.
If that happened to me I would raise all hell, and that is putting it extremely mildly. Scientology installations would not know a moment of peace.
Just as an aside, why weren’t there wild riots at the Superpower opening?
Why weren’t there wild riots at the Superpower opening?
Speaking empirically … because most “wild riots” are caused by young people. Mature adults don’t riot because it’s not in their behavior nature. And Scientologists who’ve been harmed most by disconnection are in their 50s, 60s, 70s.
Don’t get me wrong — I’m all for big riots. They’re scary. And fun. And you can’t beat the post-riot sex.
…how did I miss the post-riot sex?
Maybe the riots weren’t wild enough. Oh well. Back to the drawing board. 😉
Riots to get in or riots to get out?
Beautifully communicated Mary. I am sorry for your losses and pleased for your freedom. You are not the first person I have heard say after VII and VIII that they feel betrayed in some way. I wonder how many others are on the same road that you were.
Kudos for keeping your integrity intact!
And yes, I agree on the role that Jeff H, Marc H, Marty R and Mike Rinder have played. There’s Debbie and Wayne Baumgarten / Cook too, and Karen de La C and Tory C, Amy S, Steve H, Jenna M-H, Nancy M, Laura D, Luis and Roccio Garcia, Lori H, Dan K, David de and Leah R and many others who have all been front and centre of the biggest wake up call ever: A veritable army of heroes.
Yes, Debbie Cook’s email took a lot of courage and I agree that there is an army of heroes out there.
About VII’s and VIII’s feeling betrayed: When I was on the Ship, there were so many people that were BI’s.
And the elation when going home. It’s amazing how it goes ignored.
Thank you for your kind words.
Mary, as a parent, it’s heartbreaking for me to see this photo of you and your handsome, clearly loving son. I believe that you will win this fight, that you will be reunited, and that the time is coming soon. You are a tremendously brave and strong-minded person. What you’ve done and what you’ve said here will make it easier for others who come after you. And there are tragically so many.
Speaking again as a parent but also as an ordinary human being, it’s the imprisonment and exploitation of children and young adults that really pisses me off the most about Dave Miscavige’s entire criminal enterprise. These young people are so vulnerable, so easily victimized. It’s horrendous and unforgivable.
Yes, it’s sad and that is the saddest part. :o(
Thank you.
+1 horrendous and unforgivable!
Right on Mary!!!!!!!!!
Yea! :o)
Excellent post, Mary!
I know what you mean about the time while things are unraveling, while the self-identity and the whole life you’ve built as a Scientologist is collapsing all around you, and the sharks are circling to try to destroy what’s left lest you speak out and warn your friends and family about what you know.
When it happened to me, it was one of the most terrifying, and as you say isolating, times of my life.
But it gets better. Much better. Actually life quickly gets better than it ever was as a Scientologist.
As with any struggle, you take some lumps, but you give some too. And these days there are more resources and people around like you and me than ever before. And we are winning this fight.
Soon, everyone will be aware of all the abuses of Scientology, and they will not be able to harm another person ever again.
Thanks for standing up, Mary.
You have lots of friends.
Alanzo
Wow, I am sorry you went through this horrific ordeal yourself. I have heard many times through those, like you, that have been through it that it gets better and while I believe that, I hang on those words with hope.
Thanks Alanzo!
Mare,
Thank you for telling your story on Mike Rinder’s blog.
You speak with boldness and passion about what happened to you and your family at the hands of this insidious cult called the “Church” of Scientology.
After putting you through hell for so long, they chose the cruelest route. They declared you SP, which they knew would cause your son to be in a position to decide between you and them. Destroying the bond between mother and child is the ultimate vicious act.
I believe in my heart and soul that your son will be back with you in short order. His honeymoon phase is over now, his family has been fractured, his world has been rocked, the “church” is crumbling, and his love for your will prevail, I am confident.
You are one of the kindest, smartest, most loyal and outright effervescent people I know. I can’t wait for the day when we can clink our glasses in celebration of your family whole again and this barbaric cult in ruins.
With Love,
Steph
Very good point, Steph! His honeymoon phase is over and everyone does have their breaking point.
I love your final words of hope and celebration over the ruins of this destructive cult. You were a true friend to me and have always been there for me. :o)
Mary, succinct, powerful, and touching. Thank you, and I fervently hope you get your son back very soon.
Thank you so much, Bob. I really appreciate that.
Well done Mary. I hope you find lots of ways to expose the lies and crimes of Miscavige and company.
They have ripped off and ripped up enough people.
Thank you, Matt and thank you for your and your wife, Amy, have done to expose the lies and crimes of Dave.
Edit: … and thank you and your wife, Amy, ….
Thank you for your story, Mary. I’m glad you’re out.
Miscavige, his staff, the SO, OSA, the members and celebrities are all conniving to betray LRH right now in present time with their every thought and deed. Scientology is a simple subject in the hands of everyday folk, and it’s been complicated and overloaded in a way only an SP would understand.
I do believe, also, even though I am done with it, that there is good that Scientology can be offer to people, but the c of s is not the via for it.
The CoS has become that exact antithesis of Scientology which LRH had warned of years before. The CoS is treading the same aberrated path as did the Christian Church: altering its purpose and texts, eliminating rivals, and enforcing compliance from its flock, while the popes lived in undreamed-of wealth, power and luxury.
Hi Mary. I appreciate your situation more than I can say. I understand not having access to one’s son because of these crazy abuses, etc. Someday I’ll tell my story too.
But you mentioned that you are ‘done with it’. I respect whatever it is that you want to do, of course. But I do want to say that there are some very fine and LRH trained auditors out here in the field. I like Anita and Les Warren and Mary and Frankie Freeman very much. So, so theta. I think you would like just knowing them as good people, if not as auditors/repairers of bad sec checks. 🙂 Mike has their contact info if you’d like to meet them.
You are brave and strong. I can see it in your story and in your eyes. As time goes on, you’ll peel away unknown stresses and relief will follow. Next step, next step.
Nice to meet you. 😀
Indie8million. Thanks. I appreciate what you are saying very much.
I definitely would at least like to meet Les some time. I’ve talked with him a bit and heard of his good works from others.
Nice to meet you too. :o)
Hi Mary, Thanks for your kind words back. Yes, they are just a short flight away…better in person. haha 🙂
I think that you and I have met and laughed before. That’s what I remember…laughing. Sorry to hear that it’s been rocky but you still are so theta. We’ll hang out again. 🙂
+1 on both your comments Poet13c.
Wow, Mary. What an awesome story – extremely well written. Tells your tale perfectly. I am so happy that I’ve recently gotten to know you fairly well and both my wife Sara and myself really enjoy your company.
Your integrity in doing the right thing took a lot of courage!
Thanks again for taking such a strong stand!!
Love, Sheldon
Oh Sheldon! You and Sara are the courageous ones! Sara’s Choice on the cover of the Tampa Bay Times today says it all. Together I hope we can stop this practice of disconnection.
Thank you and your wife for taking a stand and getting your story out in a big way.
As a group, we will continue to make a serious impact. The church will continue to be outed for their human rights abuses. They won’t be able to get away with them much longer.
You mentioned:
“This was astounding to me how she [ Vicki Stokes Aznaran} could go from Mission Ed to this vaunted post in such a short time. One of these days someone should explain to me how that happened.)”
Watch “House of Cards” and you’ll figure it out in a heartbeat.
I knew Vicki through several of her incarnations. Humility and kindness were never part of her persona. Hopefully by now she’s changed.
In any case, I’ll bet we know each other … at least our paths have probably crossed and I’m so sorry to hear of the current loss of your son.
Many of my friends have lost their children to disconnection. It won’t take 35 years for him to wake up.
Take heart.
As you continue to walk your journey – you’ll find new friends. Refind lost friends. But most importantly find what you were FIRST looking for when you became involved way back then.
You.
Love,
Windhorse
Well now I WILL see if I can stream that show. I have heard more than one good review about it. And I love Kevin Spacey.
As far as V. Aznaran, I lost touch with both Rick and her and was glad to do so. Not nice people.
I appreciate you reassurances and kind words. I am looking forward to moving forward, getting past this and creating my life.
Mary, I simply cannot imagine going through a situation as you have had. I’ve been lucky that my family has stood by me. I admire your strength and courage and thank you for posting your story – and thank Mike and Marty and the others who have helped to shed the light on what is really going on and who have provided us with support. My heart is with you.
Thank you Marti, I really appreciate it. It has been nice to meet you finally and call you a friend.
Mary, I have to second what “Just me” said about the years being kind to you. Its what is called a clean space. And you will travel far and wide before you could find as good a group of folks to connect with as the Rinders and Carlsons, and so many others here. But you know that. Lastly, I know that your son will be out of there in the not very distant future. The stand you took is his ticket out of there. You’ll see.
Mary, your post manifests your integrity AND love. A person can have both, and you obviously do. I hope that your family can find its way back together. The Church won’t be around much longer — and that will make reunification easier for your folks and many others.
BTW, we knew each other a LONG time ago in the early 1970s in Austin. The years have been very kind to you. You look great. 🙂
Just Me
Well, now I want to know who you are “Just Me”. I’ve noticed your posts a lot. Can you give me a hint. :o)
Thank you for your kind words and support.
Disconnection exists because LRH was a cruel man who wanted people to be loyal to him and to him only. All DM has done is to take Ron’s policy to its logical conclusion during a period when the organisation is under the stress of being in decline because it is no longer led by a talented confidence trickster.
Sadly, I think a lot of what you said is true, but I also believe that if Scientology would have been run by someone who was benevolent, educated and wise, it could have been known as a group that helps people.
LRH’s personal nature should be reflected by what he actually did. As a younger man, strong and in control, he introduced disconnection for 3 years. Finding it to be unpopular and troublesome, he cancelled it. Scientology rolled on forward through its best years without this policy in effect. I am sure that there were some nasty people in Scientology church positions here and there tried to keep it going and the GO for sure did some nasty stuff. But generally there was no disconnection until LRH was a much older man.
Just a few years before his death he re-issued it with an admonishion NOT to disconnect in the case of antagonistic familial relationships. Unfortunately he included the forced disconnection for persons declared suppressive by the Church and worst of all, he included penalties for failure to disconnect which are not needed when those who are declared suppresive actually ARE suppressive.
He should have forseen that one day senior Scientologists would be declared for nothing more than writing a KR on David Miscavige. He should have forseen veteran Scientologists and trained auditors being declared for nothing more than expressing concern about horrific policy violations. He should have forseen that the personal justice system he devised was wide open to abuse and could easily be turned into a kangaroo court for the personal use of those at the top of the heap. But he did not.
Now it is up to anyone who cares to make the ultimate sacrifce and say “I don’t agree” and take the consequences. Every time a Scientologists stands up and says “NO!” we move two steps forward towards being rid of this abusive nightmare. Everytime a Scientologists steps back and says “I love my own neck way to much to make a fuss” we move one step backwards.
My last comment is going to piss a lot of people off. But there is nothing wrong with disconnection if applied only in the instance of persons who are SP(sociopathic). Real SPs (sociopaths) are extremely dangerous people and friends and family members who remain in touch with them are going to be injured, maimed and possibly die because of the relationship. (read “the sociopath next door” and you will see Martha Stout recommends disconnection) This is the valid use of disconnection. It is pretty rare and people who finally realize they are connected to a sociopath need no pressure to disconnect. What is wrong, wrong wrong is using it as a tool to punish people who have in some way offended against the ruling elite.
What we have in Scientology is a not a problem with disconnection, we have a problem with SP declaring hundreds and hundreds of people who are not SPs and then demanding disconnection and punishing any who refuse. We have a problem with injustice and the use of Scientology justice as a self-preservation tool for an extremely out-ethics man- David Miscavige, who has blatantly done things that deserve instant dismissal, and done them hundreds of times and then used scientology “justice” to shut up those who complain.
Thanks Mary, for what you are doing to push back. You are not an SP, not within light years. You are someone who stood up and said “NO”.
Well written and said. I agree.
And thank you.
A most excellent post 🙂
Exactly Roy. Very well put.
Roy, that succinct piece is the clearest, most rational explanation and commentary on the Disconnection issue that I have ever read.
Thank you.
Roy,
This is a million dollar reply. By that I mean it is one of the most well-reasoned, insightful, historically accurate, and balanced perspectives I’ve read (or thought). I hope many will read your comment.
Yes, that is the truth of the matter. Well said Rory.
Yes, Ron. Exactly.
I hope that your perfect duplication of the situation helps to as-is it.
Sorry ROY. I had Ron on the brain. I should have said,
“Yes, ROY. Exactly.
I hope that your perfect duplication of the situation helps to as-is it.”
and I hope that people still in and the OSA folks reading this will let their heart hear the truth.
This ain’t our mama’s Scientology anymore. Regardless of the nasty things some may have to say about Ron, he never intended this wholesale declaring of good people just to control what’s left of the group. He loved Scientologists and saw them as people who were trying to help others. He would give them a lot of rope before he would block them from the Bridge…or other helpful Scientologists, much less family.
David Miscavige IS a sociopath. So send me to the MAA. Go ahead. Make my day.
Excellent post!! Very balanced and full of common sense, including the “last comment which is going to piss a lot of people off”. It has not pissed me off, and shouldn’t do that to anyone who can think for himself in concepts, rather than words.
Hemi
The thing I have not heard or perhaps haven’t seen and should be posted in mile high letters is that Misgavage and the Church have done a gigantic slight of hand BATE and
SWITCH. The term Suppressive person is defined clearly in the Characteristics of an Anti Social Person material. That is what an SP is and that’s how you can recognize one (majority of characteristics) Then logically it follows that if the group is truly doing good work, being kind and just that anyone who opposes it would naturally be an SP. If you at this point looked you would see the majority of characteristics being antisocial. The problem is that the group changed in it’s focus to other than truly doing good work, being kind and just and the internal correction mechanism was short circuited mainly Qual. In frustration and desperation social people protested and left having no other recourse. These people were labeled SP. If you compare their characteristics to the list you will find they do not have the majority of antisocial characteristics listed in the policy so we have a paradox. An SP is not an SP. All of the Church injustices follow!
My story is just one of many. I am mostly a social person as my friends and associates can attest. My wife and I became frustrated and discouraged with any possibility of returning the group or helping it to attain the Aims of what we believed it to espouse and we added our observations to the growing criticism. We did this anonymously so as not to become effect of the “NEW” injustice but were found out by the secret police of the group OSA and were declared. This fractured our once loving cohesive family as two of our kids were heavily entrenched in the group. Conan working for a Sci group for his survival and Jamie being in mid management in LA. Both were heavily 3rd partied on their parents who are both OT 7. As responsible parents we accepted this disconnection instead of caving in and violating our integrity as perhaps the last thing we could do for them as roll models. A line in the code of Honor talks about one’s integrity being more important than one’s life.
Very well done Richard. I’ve known you since the early days at CC.
Right Richard!! +1 x 1,000
Roy said..: “Unfortunately he included the forced disconnection for persons declared suppressive by the Church and worst of all, he included penalties for failure to disconnect which are not needed when those who are declared suppressive actually ARE suppressive…” Indeed sir. “Worst of all” is not putting too fine a point on it. I sincerely believe the best of Scientology is realized (and hopefully can move forward) when we can recognize, acknowledge and thus differentiate those aspects of the subject that are NOT in alignment with its fundamentals. When Tony Ortega came out with the number 1 person crippling Scientology I was not at all surprised. Not sure if I am in the minority on this point. I never fully suspended my concerns over some of Hubbard’s polices, and over the years my reluctance to give in to the idea that Hubbard was right about everything paid off. I suspect this may be a hinge point and why some may never graduate.
http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2011/09/l_ron_hubbard_top_25_crippling_scientology.php
I do believe LRH flip-flopped on the subject of disconnection. Denouncing it when it was a PR-flap, enforcing it when it served the group.
Considering LRH himself considered Scn NOT to be perfect, but workable, it takes a truly compassionate, pan-determined leader to have the courage, evaluate the PT situation and do the right thing. Unfortunately, RCS does not possess the quality of leadership at this time.
In short, disconnection is simply BAD POLICY. But obsessive literalism and dogmatic adherence to KSW will signal the end of the church as we know it – and I say “Good riddance”.
Great write-up Mary and I wish you and your family all the best.
Mary, I can’t top what Roy MacGregor said so eloquently except to add my validation for what you did. I’m so sorry for the temporary loss of your son. My heart goes out to you and all the others who have suffered disconnection through the inhumane practices of sociopath David Miscavage. I think that your son will come back to you once he wakes up or once the church crumbles and his whole support structure falls beneath him. Keep the faith until that time. And I am so proud of you for coming out and for standing up to the evil. You are loved and welcomed here.
Nah.