The (lack of) irony deparment…
This small collection of Craigslist ads is a study in irony. The people who destroy families and tear relationships apart, who lie with reckless abandon…
The Global Reach of Radio
How nutty is this. They can produce everything for radio without any “new studios”, they have literally dozens of UNUTILIZED studios. If their figures are true — 95% of the world’s population listens to radio, that means about 75% of those people (between China, India, SE Asia and Africa) cannot even afford to buy an overpriced book, let alone a service. Wrong public. As usual.
Freewinds “Success” Fail
Gavin Potter isn’t succeeding. The big guns have been flown in…. Perhaps Gavin isn’t taking the right amount of action to succeed? Or is depending on just a whale? Surely he can achieve success.
Late breaking news. The Freewinds really ran aground. Gavin is getting a full “correction.” They just around this notification:
THIS SEMINAR HAS BEEN POSTPONED!
THE NEW TIME IS NEXT TUESDAY, JANUARY 20TH AT 6:30PM
OT VIII Daphna just completed the Purif…
She must have kept the suppression at bay to bust her way back onto the bottom of the Bridge. Next up. Student Hat. Then Objectives.
Promise to Ron Recognition
Seriously?
Limited to 40 people…. The seats on the bus to Target 2 are limited?
Especially wonderful here is the complete lack of response to the “Why I (we?) Donated” heading above their horrible cutouts…
I think there should be a little truth in advertising and this should be changed to the “Suck Up To Dave Recognition.”
The Inner City Ambassador
Now on a world tour to make commissions. “The wins and successes from your support.”
Ha. Just one day I would love someone to stand up at one of these things and ask the simple question “How much money did the IAS take in last year and how much did they pay out in grants for the uplifting of a culture?” Of course, that would get you an SP Declare from the champions of human rights.
Inglewood graduation…
Now, this is one sorry-assed looking graduation.
And this is the PROMO shot! 3 mini or extension courses, one staff member and one regular cert. Of course no shots of the crowd that gathers on Friday night for graduation.
Then two other certs below from very atypical looking Inglewood public. Those two must be being bused in as part of some reverse segregation program. Most likely the son and wife of a staff member. Then another guy in a hat with no cert at all.
No outpoints here.
Food, glorious food…
This is becoming a bit of a theme. Try to persuade them to come by offering food. I bet a year of SO wages that the food that was served looked nothing like the shot.
Perhaps they should put a new heading on this one: THE FAST FOOD ROUTE TO OT.
Even better…
Don’t come for the food, come and watch the football!
Designed as a humanitarian act to help those who had to pawn their TV’s to satisfy the IAS vultures last time they passed through. And for those who refuse to own a TV because they might see entheta and have to report themselves to ethics and pay for an intensive of sec checking.
And because this empty ideal org will do ANYTHING to get people to come in the front door. For anything at all.
Chilli on the bandwagon
“IAS World Tour Event” sounds sort of strange. There was always a Flag World Tour. But like everything else, I guess that has been sucked into the IAS vortex…
This guy has become a full time IAS reg, pretty soon he will be able to afford a Maserati like Jeff Pomerantz.
Anyone have a clue what his claim to fame is?
OCA — a $500 Value
This one totally cracked me up.
Regraded Being
Special long form this week. Sailing very close to home once again….
Are all the Sea Orgs going to the Murray briefing?
Forget radio, carrier pigeons!
OMG what a variety of come ons for these events, grub, football, craigslist, awards etc, etc. What a tacky and vapid assortment. How is a little booklet with morals going to lower the crime rate internationally exactly? It’s such a giant leap, like the fact absolutely no one will be audited or trained as a result of someone reading TWTH, assuming it will be read. Also the arrogant assumption that a moral concept is new to most people. I think they have a little competition from perhaps, the Bible. The plan to have a radio station AND a tv station is so absurd, for a group that is supposed to be producing spiritual gains only. I guess the internet just won’t do, inexpensive, broad reach is so 2014. So they are going to reach all the peoples of earth with, “their message”, and then what? What is this message exactly? That Scn is cool and fly and happening, where only rich people can afford do it and your life is micro managed to the hilt? That you can go into one of their empty buildings and get adulterated Scn by an inexperienced, underpaid person? The problem is the rcs has no product, that’s the true message and we’re receiving it loud and clear.
🙂 +1
The “Fast Food Route To OT” complete with breakfast platter is really funny and a LOL.
Seeing food displayed on the ad to get people to come in for a seminar is such a joke because it looks like Denny’s and little to do with going or being OT. The hash browns look nice and neat, even though they missed the ketchup.
I’ll order a Dave McMuffin and a short stack. Maybe they are one in the same?
The ads to get people to come on course and then finish their course time to watch football (at the org?!) is too much. Are they serious? Sounds like playing dixie and having other fish to fry to me.
But wait… What a great idea. While people are happily watching the game, they can be regged for money! That has to be it. The orgs are serious environments and doing Scientology is a deadly serious activity. What does football have to do with the little precious time we have left?
I’m very happy that Daphna Hernandez completed the D.M. purif.
I wonder what difference it was from the first one she did on RON’s watch if any.
What tests were done to determine this was needed at all or actually harmful to some degree.
I think a lot more study and research is needed but for now,
if Daphna is happy, I’m happy.
Goodie for Pasadena.
Awesome job Regraded Being…
I particularly love the shot of DM with his highly worked hair barely sticking up over the podium.
It must just kill Dave that he is not 6′ 4″ and a solid 220 lbs.. What suppressive force was at work that saddled him with a tiny body? I mean how are you going to pull off being an influential Ecclesiastical leader when you show up looking like a 9th grader?
Imagine him at 6′ 4″ and able to look down at all the human flotsam he has to put up with in the Sea Org and otherwise. Man,he could really make everyone so much more wrong if he was a towering physical presence.
Well Dave it’s your body bro….. at least you have access to a lot of dough to dress it up nice.
Featured song from the smash RCS Revue DOPE WE OWN YA!
I’m jist a sheep who cain’t say no,
I’m in a turrible fixÂ
I always say “come on, le’s go”
Jist when I orta say nix!
When a reg tries to take my dough,
I know I orta give his face a smack.
But as soon as someone reges me,
I somehow, sorta, wanta thank him back!
I’m jist a fool when stats are low
I cain’t be prissy and quaint
I ain’t the type that can faint
How c’n I be whut I ain’t?
I cain’t say no!
Whut you goin’ to do when a feller gits manic, and starts to talk frantic?
Whut you goin’ to do?
S’posin’ he says I’m a theta potato, not some dumb tomato
Whut you goin’ to do?
S’posin’ he says you’ll fulfill Ron’s dream
And he’s gotta make Ron’s dream er die?
Whut you goin’ to do when he talks that way,
Spit in his eye?
I’m jist a sheep who cain’t say no,
Pie in the sky’s my favourite food
Never ever give me any bad news
I’m in a holiday mood.
other sheep are coy and hard to catch
but other sheep aint havin any fun
every time i lose my hard earned cash
i have a funny feeling that i won
although i can feel the dissonance
i never make a complaint
till it’s too late for restraint
then when i wanna i caintÂ
i caint say no!
The global reach of radio? A ham radio operator has global reach.
The problem is not their reach, it’s their toxic, lying, forced abortion, family destruction, money ripp-off etc… reputation.
COB’s squirreled tech produces a shrinking group of clapping seals and zombie PCs inside the bubble. And outside the bubble, his mishandling of PR has destroyed Scientology’s reputation faster than an SP at the top…. oh, right, he is an SP.
Yeah, my grandfather was an announcer in Shanghai before WWII, and he, or rather, the station he worked for, sent out cards to confirm that they were broadcasting this or that piece of music at a given date and time. Getting a ham license in this country is pretty easy, if you want to reach people world-wide on an individual basis.
Heck, if you wanted to leverage radio in third-world countries, hand out solar-powered radios with batteries for nighttime and low-light conditions, find out what music in a given area is popular, broadcast that along with CoS stuff, and have a newsfeed once an hour from BBC Africa, India, whatever.
Regraded, you’re hysterical. I’m dying, here. Your examples are indeed why the Co$ declares, shuns and orders disconnections. Its so sad, but whenever possible I prefer to laugh while I confront, so thank you.
Wonderful stuff, Regraded Being!!! Perfect and beautiful satire, brilliantly executed! And Wow, I’d hate to be in poor Gavin’s shoes!
Mike: I think I have a theory why the “Promise to Ron” is limited to 40 seats – that’s so they can claim that the event was so popular, they had to turn people away, but at the cost, they didn’t think they’d be able to get more than 50 people who could afford to sign up.
By the way, that’s the same Grant Cardone who is shown with his twin brother in a tag-team of abuse against their octogenarian mother, served up with a sickening dollop of casual racism, here: https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2ebbou_scientologist-grand-cardone-committing-elder-abuse-and-bullying-his-mother-in-2008_webcam?start=20
Mike, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you’re one of my heroes. Keep fighting and keep speaking out!
The link to the Grant Cardone Elder Abuse thing doesn’t work for me. Can you repost the link again?
How do these people churn this stuff out with a straight face?
So much to J&D, so little time.
“The Global Reach of Radio”.
So cutting edge, this cult. Radio…who knew? Immensely popular!…Everyone is listening to it!
I can’t stop laughing!
That’s why people would listen to it.
Regraded Being,
Your work is reaching ‘Master piece’ calibre.
So sorry I can’t be on that Status Held In Tribulation – list anymore….:)
Greta
Awesome work Regarded Being! Sign me up!!
Regraded Being is good.
That was hilarious Regraded Being. I have all traits except for being pregnant. That’s exactly what is being drilled in hard to the 16yr old Maa’s at this time. My god!!! COB is like an Lobotomy gone right! Mike I dropped my Chill E on the floor when I read your article. Still laughing.
I think Regraded Being should have his/her own post on this site – rather than at the bottom of Thursday Funnies. For newcomers or relative newcomers like me, we might miss seeing these frames at the bottom of all the other graphics. Regraded Being is priceless and shouldn’t run the risk of being missed by those wanting to leave the cult.
Thanks Alice. I will see about making a category on the home page and dropping them all into it for easy access. Mike
Thanks Mike. I’d like to be able to post them on Twitter.
That would be kick ass NolaGirl!
Chill EB doesn’t make a percentage from IAS regging the last I knew when I was on staff. He gets a flat rate of $700, approximately (at that time. Things could have changed).
Well the football championships in the org is OK. But I am waiting for the bowling championship.
When you have the letters O and T together they make OT, like tater tot, or ROOT or TOOT… or maybe like the ROUTE TOOT promo.
I am married to a never-been and it is funny to hear him read the unwanted marketing and promotion I get sent (despite begging to be removed). I guess it is better to spell funny words than write operating thetan and confuse people. Wait, it does confuse people.
It’s when a never-in reads this stuff with you that you realise just how far out it sounds. I recommend every still-in and now-out try it 🙂
About that “free personality test”… It always cracks me up to see something offered for one price (or free), but the seller is claiming a value above that. Here’s the reality: the value of something is determined by what the market is actually paying for it. In order for me to believe the OCA has a $500 value, you would have to show me that people out there are actually paying $500 for it. If for the most part it’s being given away for free, then it’s worth exactly NOTHING.
hgc, here the thing. First off, I believe it was written by Ray Kemp, a merchant marine and a friend of Hubbard’s. I remember a picture of them having dinner together. Second, it was written in the 50s (?). How can any of the questions relate to ANYTHING in 2015? When I was at the Pasadena Idle Morgue, Andrew was going over my test with me. When I brought up that it sounded like it was written in the 50s, he said they purposely made it that way! Gosh, they have an answer for EVERYTHING, don’t they?
Well, Ray Kemp has long since been declared. Shouldn’t they get a new test just because of that?
Love the Craigs List Ads. It’s amazing how the brand name Scientology is so toxic, it isn’t even used in these ads. Or is it a rule of Craigs List. Anyway, It’s still a toxic word. If scientology is to survive it’ll have to change its name to something else.
I’ll think on that one.
How about Shitonastick?
Ok, but…only if I get beer with it.
:o) or RopeADope.
Disclosing their identity is not against CL’s policy. Some of the cult’s CL ads identify themselves, most do not. The 818 number is that of Glendale CA’s Mission and the 727 is for Mission of Belleaire Fl.
The dishonesty has to stem from fear and embarrassment. Here they are proclaiming to have solutions to problems which have plagued man for millenia. They should be identifying themselves with pride yet their “PR” is covert. I put that in quotes because “PR” by definition is NOT covert.
Love your little touches, Regraded – The Upside Down Cross, The Scientology Dollar Sign Symbol, The Sinking Ship. 🙂
David Miscavige at the podium – hilarious and Bingo on exposing His ego and the “honor of being in the same room with Him.” I’ll never forget Kathy Feschbach talking about that and the really good part of her comment (or was it an origination; I get them mixed up) was how magnanimous He was to allow some of them to leave (because as OT Ambassador they had so much to do) and catch up with Him later to get their picture taken with Him. I was really bummed I missed that, but did enjoy a good eyeroll upon hearing it.
The stuff coming out from the Cof$ just gets better & better. I’m stunned at their imagination, because sure as heck I could never think up stuff like that, no matter how much self-degradation I indulge in.
They have completely redefined where the bottom of the barrel is – what’s next? They realised that walking and talking at the same time is man’s greatest multitasking achievement but discovered that 90% of people don’t do it correctly and they have the copyright on the source tech on exactly how it’s done. Don’t scurry around like a squirrel making squeaky noises, see the reg today and sign up for life changing wins learning how to use your own two feet co-ordinated with your voice in ways you never knew you could 🙂
And really… that photograph of graduation at Inglewood – give me a break! Looks more like a suspect line up.
“What are your crimes?”
Why do you want to know or maybe you just want to play confront? I’ll play 🙂
Every time I see Gavin I think he looks like a watered down version of COB (poor guy). It is bad enough to look like David Miscavige. To look like David Miscavige without the tan and the makeup is even worse. I wonder if he is as short.
As for the Purif Certificate, let’s make a certificate that is 47x the size of any normal certificate so it takes up 1/3 of all the wall space in a person’s home because they certainly aren’t going to have any artwork because they are “donating” all of their money to their ecclesiastical betterment.
Has anyone reported the copyright infringement in that watch the game ad?
And last but not least, Regraded Being, you continue to top yourself. This could be a real ad.
Hey Valerie! You’re absolutely right! They can’t use that broadcast without their permission. TURN THEM IN!
Holy Cow! Regarded Being! Who the hell showed you my folders and ethics files!?
No one you say! Well, I call BS on that because you exposed everthing I said to my MAA or my reg or my auditor – except the pregnancy thing – unless I was PDHed and just don’t remember it.
The P part was delivered by the cult over time, the D aspect likely didn’t begin till you were chillin with a beer after the fact and we all know about the H part …..in spades! You’re a real trooper McCarran.
I recall a visit from Mark Kimura and Russ McKevit from the Fleecewinds in the Fall of 2011 to ‘handle me with their dead agent packs’ and the Freedum Mag. OMG, full color photos and all ………. one of the photos was of a group of naked men apparently dancing around a fire pit at night and you could not even make out their faces. Since I was snapping out of my hypnosis I asked Russ how he could even tell that Marty was one of the perps and btw, who were all of the others there anyway …….. well ……..that is what happens to people when they become bitter defrocked apostates. Of course it is Russ.
Besides, the stepford wives could ID them because they knew every inch of their bodies! Right on ladies! The PDH continues inside the blubble.
Yo Russ and Mark,
She’s way down in the bow and most of the life boats have left the building fellas. Whadda Ya gonna do? The question for the day is ……how long can you tread water?
Yes, I was shown a DA pack as well with a video of Int base and Marty chillin in the pool. Those DA packs are so much better than the videos they show you at events – really juvenile and campy, but the one you were shown sounds like a real hoot – something from Burning Man maybe. Wish I could have seen that one! 🙂
Cooper. Are you serious? You were shown a photo of a group of naked men dancing around a fire, and they wanted you to believe that it was Marty and Co? “That’s insane”, as they like to say in the bubble.
By the way, what’s wrong with a group of men dancing naked around a fire? Maybe they had too much to smoke or drink, got a little too warm and took their clothes off to dance. It’s been done before and in some cultures, it’s perfectly normal. No one ever skinny dipped either? Big deal.
My sombrero fell to after reading your observations on each section; now, the only problem is that instead of a taco I had a coffee, yeah man, and that fell too. However I am still smiling, this is fun.
Regraded Being: Perfect! Write to OTVIIIisgrrr8! and sign up for a billion years at We in RTC.
Standing by for your compliance.
Question about Daphna’s Purif graduation certificate: When she hangs it on her wall at home, does she put it next to the previous Purif certificate, or in front of it?
Regraded Being – outstanding work! Continue….Love it!
That was by far the best Regraded Being post yet. What was so damn scary in reading it is how it sounds exactly like real Scientology promo. I loved every bit of it.
Agreed.
Regraded Being is in his element today. The jokes were fast and furious and I laughed non-stop.
Thank you RB!
regraded being, I salute you and already I started to cound the minutes until you next appearance!
Don’t even have time to read the entire comics right now because I have to reboot the server, but I really don’t believe I’m in the minority when it comes to radio.
When I got my car in 2010, it had XM radio free for a year. I didn’t renew when it came time to pay because I hadn’t listened to it for the first year. I use the Bluetooth feature on my phone. Radio is becoming more and more obsolete. In last years’ campaign season, we switched to Internet from newspaper and radio because no one listened to radio and they got their news off the internet too.
My bet is if they did a real survey (hah) they may find a small percentage of people listening to radio. I have maybe listened to 2.5 hours of radio in the last YEAR while in someone else’s car and I don’t even have a radio in my house.
Nice of them to catch a wave that came in 30-40 years ago.
I listen to radio in my car all the time, but it’s almost always NPR or one of the jazz or classical stations. There is not a chance in hell any of those stations are going to carry Scientology’s feed.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Sometimes the truth is so funny it hurts!!
The real joke is on COB I guess, he really does believe he is saving Scientology while making it a laughing stock!
I’m sure all three creative memory cells in his oversized skull are in overdrive today. Not to take anything away from the other sociopathic cells which serve him rather well.
Yo Dave,
Tomorrow is the 16th. Don’t forget your sneaky preview on HBO. You could show it for graduation and really get some good ole fashioned TA good buddy.
The more desperate they get, the harder they beg and lie, which leads to more desperation.
I wanna join the PROMISE TO RON RECOGNITION TEAM too.
Dear Ron, (and oh yea -Davey Poo and Grantee and Elenaee)
I promise each and every one of you that I will do everything possible to expose you and your lying, cheating (add other adjectives here) cult to as much of the world that I can in the shortest amount of time possible. That should qual me for one of your labels don’t ya think?
Anyone who needs some help in making the transition from shit to shine-ola can contact me.
Yo Grant,
Are you doing plaques, certs or just a good ole fashion kick in the balls? If I were you I’d do another donation today before too ………………much other bad shit happens to your cult! You are really going to need some good karma one day soon good buddy.
Mike, about the $500 value OCA test. I responded to one of their CL ads about the test the other day, inquiring if it had anything to do with Oxford University and they replied (paraphrasing) “Yes, it was developed there but I don’t think it’s used there anymore.” LOL 🙂
Lies, wrapped in lies, smothered in lies, served on a plate of lies…with a side of lies.
I got this is a recent email from London Day inviting people in to do the test: “The Oxford Capacity Analysis is a test devised by the Church of Scientology and is called that to distinguish it from the American version of the test. It has no connection with the University of Oxford.”
Did they say what the American version of the test is?
Typical Scientology. Talking out of both sides of their mouths.
I thought most of the noise emanating from the cult came out of the other orifice?
The American version is the new Harvard Capacity Analysis (which is an improvement over the earlier Stanford Capacity Analysis).
DollarMorgue, you can find out more about this by Googling “Oxford Capacity Analysis wiki”
The $500 OCA valued test was hysterical. Total trash and nothing whatsoever to do with Oxford. Years ago I figured out how to take it so as to have a straight horizontal line at the top of the chart. LOL They didn’t know what to reg me for!!!
If your OCA line is too high they label you “Theetie Wheetie.” (ask me how I know). So you can’t win on those tests. Damned if you’re low and damned if you’re high.
And Regraded Being! Another wonderful post. Loved it! Especially the Characteristics of an SP. Laughed my ass off.
Cindy, what’s a Theetie Wheetie?
YOu can look up theetie wheetie (or thedy whedie) in the Scn red tech dictionary on line. Paraphrased, it is someone who is not able to confront evil and so is sweetness and light and kind of like all is wonderful (when it’s not), someone who is not in touch with reality very much and seems all uptone etc when they aren’t.
Regraded Being: Outstanding post, best yet. Especially love the SP examples, need more!