I have known Andy Porter for many, many years.
He was somewhat of a legend due to his work opening Russia and many of its former satellites to scientology. Andy spent many years defining the term “pioneer.” He was an unsung hero who did a lot of the REAL work behind the scenes that ended up being glorified in IAS Freedom Medal winner videos and other event presentations.
Andy now hails from the northwestern corner of Washington State where he lives with his wife and 10 year old son. He is an accomplished landscape photographer focused on capturing the beauty and majesty of the North Cascades. He sells fine art prints, teaches photo classes and gives photo tours. You can see more about Andy and his images here: www.AndyPorterImages.com
I have included a couple of his photos to give you an idea of his skill and to add some aesthetic beauty to this blog for a change.
His story is quite lengthy, and certainly will be very difficult (and probably not of much interest) for a never-in to get through. But it is so well written, and encapsulates what so many others have told me, that I know it will resonate with a lot of readers here.
And it is timely, as you discover when you get to the end.
My Sojourn to Flag, the Mecca of Scientology
By Andy Porter
Predawn light filters in the window along with a cool breeze. Awakening each morning is like being under water and swimming upwards, the surface and the concept of light a pull for my attention. As consciousness approaches I begin to take stock of my current state. It’s like poking your toe in a tub of water to gauge its temperature. Where am I? How am I doing? What’s in store for me today? Is everything alright or am I in for a shit storm? I have a deep knowing that things are bad, but I try to shake it, hoping that this reality will fade like a fog suddenly expose to sunlight…
No such luck. The deep gashing feeling of despair and the premonition that something bad is going to happen to me wraps its tendrils about my soul.
I am asleep in a room I am renting in Clearwater, it’s a simple mattress on the floor and not uncomfortable. I sense the ambient humidity and feeling and smell of Florida. The reality of where I am is now forced upon me. My efforts to deny this reality have failed.
Fuck.
Another day of hell.
My first anxiety is about food. I am not hungry, but am expected to be well fed and rested for the on-going interrogations. I stuff my gut with eggs and breakfast and try to clear my head.
My mood is…serious, despondent; definitely not happy or care free. Scared is my most prevalent emotion or maybe dread is a more apt term.
Way down deep at the base of my awareness I know that I am miserable and unhappy because of my current “therapy” but I cannot entertain such thoughts. My indoctrination kicks in: Any and all unhappiness I feel is my own fault. And any idea that my suffering is in any way caused by the Church only proves how utterly aberrated I really am.
These feelings of misery are suppressed so fast that I hardly notice. They weigh heavily on the periphery of my awareness, but are never acknowledged. I get ready and catch a ride to the Sand Castle. I make it into the building and say hello once or twice on my way upstairs to the NOTS HGC. I check in at the window and sit. I am staring out at the palm trees and working hard to not think. Thinking is bad, worry worse. Just be here. Look at the plus side: I am here at the Mecca of Scientology awaiting my start on Scientology’s most sacred level, OT 7. I should be the happiest person alive.
But I am not. I know what’s coming and start to think again: Why is this not fun? How can it be possible that I am not enjoying myself? …but before I follow this very far I put the brakes back on…no thinking!
Someone calls me to the window and asks what I had for breakfast and how many hours I slept. Giving the right answers I am told to have a seat and that I am up next.
I sit again and take several deep breaths, working to master my mind and emotions. My auditor arrives and ushers me into the auditing room, I sit and get comfortable. There is hand lotion, a heater if I get cold, a fan if I am hot, everything a person could want.
The auditor gives me the preamble: “I am not auditing you” and starts the session. This is to let me know that whatever I say in session can and will be used against me at some later date. The Security Check (Sec Check) I am doing is designed to see if I am eligible to start the level of OT 7, Solo NOTS, which means New Era Dianetics for Operating Thetans. It is one of Scientology’s highest levels. The End Phenomena of the level OT 7 is reported to be: “Cause Over Life”.
I have been at this process now confessing any and all real or imagined sins for about 100 hours. A hundred hours of pure grueling torture, from my perspective. I have been asked over and over about any discreditable acts I may have committed in life…or against Scientology. In reality, I don’t have any crimes or harmful acts to amount to a mole hill. I have not embezzled any church funds. I have not seduced the minister’s daughter (or wife.) I have not beaten or maimed anyone. I have not started buildings on fire or murdered any person. Despite this lack of meaningful crimes (or even juicy misdemeanors!) my interrogation has gone on and on and on.
The auditing session begins and the auditor asks me if I have an ARC Break, meaning a recent upset. The auditor is focused on the e-meter to tell him the answer to his question. What I say is apparently secondary to what he reads in the meter. He looks at me with a glance that tells me he has seen a read on the meter indicating that I do in fact have a recent upset.
And I do. I am upset (“upset” being a mild description of how I really feel) about the length of the sec check. I am upset that it has gone on for more than 100 hours. I purchased 13 intensives of auditing (an intensive is 12 ½ hours) I got a discount for buying many at once, so I paid about $5,000 for each one. Almost all the money I paid has been used up, and the only result is that I feel immeasurably worse than when I arrived. To be even more direct, I hate the process, I feel it is demeaning, belittling, suppressive, oppressive and I am so fucking pissed off I can hardly contain my emotions.
But that’s not smart. Anyone in Scientology knows that ANY complaints, or any emotional negative response about confession means only that you have more crimes to confess.
So, I calm myself and explain that , “No, I do not have an ARC Break”. The auditor now asks me if someone “said I had an upset when I didn’t have one?” And I say, yes, you just did.
This works, and the auditor says that my needle is floating (I don’t believe my needle has floated in months, since this nonsense started) and we get to move forward on to the next question, “Do you have a present time problem?”
Well, let’s see…how to start? I have a problem that I just borrowed $40,000 to buy more auditing for the torture…er, Sec Check. There is the problem of knowing that something is wrong, and not wanting to continue…there is a problem that every day people see me, my friends and they ask me how it’s going, envious that I am “getting onto OT 7” and I have to lie and tell them it’s all wonderful and that I LOVE it. Yes, there are a LOT of problems.
But I am in a twisted version of Ground Hog Day…living the same shitty day over and over…and eventually I have learned from my mistakes.
In sessions past I have vocalized my worries, concerns and upsets. I explained my doubts and fears…all to no avail. If anything, my candid discussions of my reality have only made this last longer and be more torturous. One day I tried vehemently protesting the endless bullshit sec checking and blasted the auditor and case supervisor.
It was like the incarnation in Ground Hog Day when Bill Murray robs the bank and kills several people in Punxsutawney before awakening the next morning again, as always, in the same bed. My honest communication earned me a trip to the Ethics Officer and several meetings with the tech services people. They made their point: if you do that shit again, we’ll throw your ass outta here and you can kiss going free good bye… forever.
So, I am thinking, No, No Problems Here! No SIR! With a big smile, and lo and behold! I get it right and we’re off to the big question: “Has a withhold been missed?” This question is asking me, in so many words, is there something you have done that you don’t want us (or someone) to find out about? Or, another way to paraphrase the question is: Have you done anything you don’t want to talk about? Or, Is there something you have done, something discreditable, that you are withholding, but you somehow think that someone may know or guess your secret?
This is a loaded question if there ever was one. The effect of these types of questions is to introvert you, to create introversion and introspection.
When I first arrived and started the auditing process I was in a different frame of mind. I wanted to prostrate myself, to confess everything, to throw myself at the mercy of the priest, er, auditor and beg forgiveness for my many sins. Yes, I was bad, have pity on me, I was/am a sinner…
The funny thing (not that there is really anything funny about any of this mind-fuck craziness) is that I never really had anything to confess!
I had given a lecture about some aspect of Scientology (well, actually thousands of them) and I had paraphrased L. Ron Hubbard. I confess that sin. I am asked to relate each detail: Where did I commit this overt act? When, exactly did this occur? What were the circumstances? Did I justify my crime in some way? Did anyone almost discover my misdeed? Then: Is there an EARLIER time I committed such an overt (crime)? And then again; through the details and again asking for an earlier time I did a similar act. Once this part is complete (it can take a while)I am asked if there is some evil purpose or destructive intention that prompted me to commit this act? And I am expected to locate incidents that happened in past lives, moments when I was overwhelmed as a being and when I somehow adopted some insane, destructive purpose which, still with me in this lifetime, has prompted me to commit these horrible crimes against Scientology.
As I type this last paragraph right now, 15 years after this session, I pause to consider what I just wrote. I shudder at the insanity of it and then I belly laugh. Tears well up, not of sadness but of relief. I am free from this forever!
But I digress: Back to the session!
Actually, it somehow was discovered that one of my biggest crimes was that I had “permitted” many people who had attended my lectures to either audio or video tape them. In Russia where I had been for the last 5 years I had visited almost every region and city and given lectures to many thousands of people. The fact that anyone had taped them was completely unacceptable. The Ethics Officer (aka Chief Suppression Officer) was aghast that I could have committed such a heinous crime.
In Scientology LRH is the Source and God like entity creating all that is good in the world. And if a smarmy little pissant, like me, for example had the audacity to let people tape my lectures, than what I was really trying to do was to supplant LRH and become Source myself. I was trying to pretend that I was better than LRH (or at least on par with him). Someone from one of the Scientology Management offices had reported about this and had added that the video/audio tapes of me giving lectures were being traded and possibly sold in Russia!
Whoa. Let that sink in. The magnitude of my crimes. I traveled to Russia and spent almost 5 years traveling (on my own funds) to each little and big mission, helping to train the staff and enlighten the public about Scientology and Dianetics. I created good will by the truck load and stirred up tons of interest for the Bridge and drove many people into the organization to buy more Scientology courses and books. I was given scads of awards for my efforts and recognized as a part of the fantastic expansion of the church over there.
But to have let someone tape my lecture and ….sell them!!!!!! The knowledge report on my “crime” was fraught with generalities, painting me as some destructive influence. I had no idea that the lectures were being sold, and had no part in it. But instead of somebody just saying: “Andy, you did a great job over there, well done! Just do us a favor next time , and don’t let anyone tape your lectures, okay?” But, NO, I needed to HANDLE my overt, and deal with the bad effects I had spread.
I was tasked with contacting every mission or group I had visited in Russia and the republics making up the former Soviet Union (thru 11 time zones), and make certain that every person who had taped my lectures was called in, and forced to erase each and every one of the tapes.
This stupid and ridiculous task was made harder by the fact that, though I did speak some Russian, my mastery was spotty, so I needed to call each mission, find some there who spoke some English and convince them of the vital importance (This is a situation concerning our National Security, you’re lives and the lives of countless others are at stake!) of forcing all public to erase their tapes.
I spent a few weeks calling every one of 80 Russian missions. The hardest part was trying to explain to anyone there exactly WHY this was important. There was no doubt that this action created in itself more bad will and enmity for the church.
This massive waste of time and money left me in a worse condition than when I’d started. I finally got approval from the Ethics Officer that I had complied and that all tapes had been destroyed. My Mission Impossible was done and now I could report back for more auditing, er, sec checking, er, torture.
Each day early on I would attend the sessions and endure more probing. The auditor would look at me uneasily and try to smile, asking the sec check questions and watching the e-meter. The reason for the unhappiness on the part of the auditor probably came from the fact that the entire session was being videotaped. Everything said in the session, by both me and the auditor, and every note written down on the worksheets and every movement of the needle of the e-meter was being scrutinized, any small error pounced upon and any mistakes…well, you just didn’t want to make any mistakes! Maybe this was the reason that the auditors who audited me all looked hunted, nervous, unhappy. Not one of them was very friendly or engaged. They seemed to have their attention GLUED to the e-meter, watching it so as not to miss a possible indication of my crimes or evil intentions lurking there, just out of view.
It seemed to me that this whole thing should go fast. I had not done much in the way of breaking any laws of Scientology or Mankind. And as I was asked the questions I would say “No” in answer. But more often than not, my answer was not accepted. The auditor, looking for some action of the needle on the e-meter, would say “Okay, well, let’s have a look.” And I would delve into the dark recesses of my fears and as I scanned the blackness, the auditor would all of a sudden say: “There” or “That”. I was supposed to then tell him what thought I was having at that exact moment. The idea was that I had been hiding my crimes, or maybe they were suppressed subliminally, and that with the help of the auditor and the e-meter, I could uncover them and free myself.
This was the worst mind fuck of all. What are you scared of? I mean you, the person reading this right now, take a moment of pause and look up and ask yourself:
What are your darkest thoughts? What are your self-doubts? What have you done to feel ashamed of? What embarrasses you? What would you rather not speak of?
Do you sense that black abyss? There…what’s that…that thought right THERE???
These thoughts and deeds are then brought out, reluctantly, like pulling teeth one “confesses”. And as I had not done anything worthy of any confession my mind started to manufacture crimes out of nothing. Yes, I had masturbated. I felt slightly embarrassed to describe the details, and yes, I had looked at naked images of women… but what did that have to do with getting sec checked? How was that a crime? How in the world was my jerking off supposed to have any connection to going free or being an Operating Thetan or saving the earth?
I know it sounds ludicrous. I laugh when thinking about the absurdity of paying almost a $500 an hour to be forced to “confess” moments when I touched my dick. WTF? Many, if not all of you reading this, are now most likely thinking that I am one stupid brainwashed idiot for submitting to any of this insanity.
And you would be right!
Welcome to the world of the Upper Levels of Scientology! Oh, and there is one thing I didn’t tell you, if you do make it “onto the level” , onto OT 7 then you get to start auditing yourself at home and come back to Flag every 6 months to endure more sec checking!
The result of this is total confusion. It’s like being driven to the brink of insanity. What is right? What is wrong? Am I bad? But I didn’t do anything wrong. But then why did it come up in the session? Why did it read on the meter?
I feel like a ping pong ball bouncing at a fantastic speed between two paddles. I want to leave here; can’t leave. I hate this, can’t hate it; This is whole thing is fucked, no you’re the one who is messed up; I hate this, no you should enjoy it; This is a prison, no, you’re going free.
And so this goes on, hour after hour (I could almost see a revolving counter, there on the table, the numbers rolling along as to how much this was costing me) day after day. Weeks and months passed.
And then the questioning is done. There are no more sec check questions to ask me!!! But this is not the end, no, no, no! The next step is that I need to go visit the Ethics Officer and handle all my crimes and misdemeanors so that I can become eligible for the Upper Level of OT 7!
I arrive at the Ethics Office the next day and wait. Actually I wait all day, sitting there my mind racing. Planning, how will I play this? Do I act contrite, or argumentative? My mood swings. I wait another day. And another. Finally I get to see the Ethics Officer. He ushers me into his cubicle, like in “The Matiix”: “Well Mr. Anderson, it looks like you have committed some very serious Crimes….” And that’s how it starts. The Ethics Officer is a teenager, and has been in the Sea Org for most of his life. He has little compassion or friendliness. His demeanor is serious and “I am not fucking around”. He makes it clear that I have done some serious bad shit and that getting out of it is NOT going to be easy.
I had already seen him way back a few months ago, to “handle” the cycle with the taped lectures. But now I have more confessed crimes to deal with.
What I am expected to do is to act contrite, show remorse and have a cognition that my actions were bad for Scientology. I am supposed to realize that anything done that makes the church look bad is evil.
If anyone arrives with a different view, than you are hammered until you relent. You have to feel broken and contrite to go onto the next step, making amends. This means that you need to beg for forgiveness and actually do things that prove you’re a good guy and are now on the same team as the rest of us, do or die in the attempt, a trusted team mate.
I try to explain that I am already there, dedicated to the Cause: I have been on staff in Scientology for almost 20 years straight, working for nothing and actively out there working for the Church, aiding its expansion across the globe…
I am told this is NOT accepted I need to make up the damage done. What I am expected to do is some sort of an amends project. Ideally I am expected to….drum roll….donate money! If I give money to some entity of Scientology as a straight donation, this will go a LONG way to proving I am right with the group.
I speak to the Ethics Officer for a time and review my crimes and try to get him to see that these ”crimes” are nothing, that I have already contributed more to the group. I tell him that from my viewpoint, there is nothing to be handled. He shakes his head: No, no way. I get more demonstrative. I explain that the ethics books by L. Ron Hubbard separate ethics and justice. Ethics is defined as what an individual does with himself, and Justice are the actions the groups takes after the individual has shown that he is incapable of keeping his ethics in. I assert that he is enforcing some bullshit code of conduct on me and that this is a bastardization of the Tech of Ron and that he is off base. I assert further that as an OT I don’t need him, or this insane sec check to ferret out times I paraphrased a quote of LRH or touched my dick, or any of it. And I go on to let him know that I do not feel these actions have been detrimental to me, or the church and that I do not agree that I need to “make up any damage done by having committed these crimes”.
My soliloquy does not have the desired effect. He gets very pissy and lets me know that I am now in deeper shit. I am sent out to re-re-re-study the ethics book and write down more of my transgressions. And if that doesn’t work, I will be sent back for more sec checking, (at my expense).
I walk out to the waiting area and sit. What to do? I want to just walk away from this mad house. More destructive ideas cross my mind (REAL destructive ideas, like burning this fucking place to the ground) and I smile to myself. Then I quickly look around to make sure that no one sees me smiling, lest they guess what I am now thinking.
I take stock of things: My life is completely wrapped up in the church. My life has been spent trying to help Clear the Planet for 2 decades. All of my close friends are “in” Scientology. Part of me so very much wants to just walk off. But I cannot do it. I have asked myself why numerous times. I feel a duty. I have a hope that things can get better. I have had fun being out there doing lectures and spreading the Technology of Scientology. I have had, in the past, gains and improvements from receiving auditing and Scientology classes. I am part of a group. And at the same time I am trained to think that my discontent is simply because I am screwed up. It’s not the church that is askew, it’s me. There must be some deficiency in me, some deep seated rottenness in my core that is causing me to want to leave.
I walk outside and see a nice sunset. I meet my girlfriend and she is happy from walking on the beach and she saw a few manatees today. Life is not all bad…
And so I decide to run the gamut of self-humiliation and depreciation and get the cycle done. I go back the next day and read the book. I try hard to be a good little soldier and think about how I could have been bad. I write down the correct thoughts and feelings and turn them into the Ethics Officer.
After my last tirade he is not easily convinced that I have now seen the light. Groveling is needed to convince him that I am not now faking it. And more groveling.
At one point I need to write up an entire narrative detailing what bad things I have done, my realization that I was bad, a new declaration as to who my friends REALLY are(Scientologists in Good Standing) and I need to make up the damage I have done and then ask to be accepted back into the group.
I finally, after a few more weeks, get this done. The Ethics Office approves it. He is proud of me. I have managed to ingratiate myself, by saying all the right stuff.
Now I am sent out to have other people read my story and ask them to accept me back into the group. I approach a person on the base and ask them if they will look at my Liability Formula. This needs to be done in a soft, contrite way.
So, they read it and either sign their name under the column as approved, or disapproved. I need to get a majority to approve me and I am done. There are dozens of other poor victims here, just like me going through the same process of confession, purification and redemption. We never speak to each other, each of us in our own private hell. Each of us not wanting to communicate our feelings about how fucked this is for fear that the other would rat us out and so lengthen the process.
This takes about a week, just this step. During this time I am also asked to look at others liability formulas. I am always curious to see what “bad” things they were supposed to have done and what they did to make up the damage.
I am surprised (though I shouldn’t be) that no one has committed any “crimes” worse than mine. Everyone is here confessing things and making amends for…nothing!!!!!
And then the truth finally hits me: This entire process of sec checking and determining if one is eligible for the OT Levels is really just one big extortion racket. It’s a perfect scheme really. The process is to make you feel guilty for things you‘ve done that are in no way crimes, or even harmful. To anyone.
And just that act alone, making people “guilty” for nothing, now THAT is a REAL crime. They are fucking with people’s reality and sense of rightness to make a buck. And then the next level of the scam hits me: it’s all about how to control people. The threat of not being able to DO the OT Levels, the fear of losing your friends and family, or your income source, these are the stock in trade of the consortium of sec checker and ethics officer.
And then the final realization creeps in to my mind: Hubbard has written several bulletins where he describes how psychologists and psychiatrists have plotted to trap beings, evilly introverting people to cause them to be inactive and dead. And here is the Church of Scientology, the Flag Land Base, the Mecca of Scientology, doing the exact same thing to its upper level adherents: belittling, introverting and trapping them.
- Ron Hubbard once said in a lecture that you have to be careful in what you fight, because that which you resist you become, and then he adds: if you lose.
And so it goes: Scientology, with all of if its vaunted purposes for Freeing Beings and Creating a New Civilization has become what it resisted and is now in the business of trapping beings in a strait jacket of fear, mind control and despair.
I snicker to myself: I have reached the End Phenomena of the Level!
So what I achieved during my 5 month stay at Flag in early 2000 was that I used 13 intensives of auditing to gain acceptance to be allowed to start on the level OT 7. And by the time I was finally found to be eligible I decided that I no longer wanted to start the level, but instead wanted to leave.
I was out of money (actually now in debt) and pleaded that I was now without means to stay and needed to return to work. I was pressured heavily to stay and start OT 7 (“You’re SO close…”) but I persisted and was finally given the green light to go. I recall the final “routing out” gauntlet of interviews and e-meter checks I had to pass: I had a form with specific people I had to get to sign off that I was okay to actually leave. I went to see each one, careful to say just the right thing, detailing how I was heading out to work hard and bring in more people to Scientology, how I would save money and return soon for a new eligibility and sec check (if I left now and returned later to start OT 7 I was required to do it all again!!) I expressed my deep regret about having to leave. Finally I made it through the checklist to the last step where I had to see someone who would interview me on the e-meter. They asked me if I was satisfied with my stay at Flag. I was sweating bullets, scared that somehow they would discover my deception and take me back into another auditing room for more interrogations. I tried to focus my attention on being away, far away from this place and free from all of it. My plan worked and my needle floated, probably for the first time since my arrival.
I was free to go.
Hurriedly I left the building and with more than one glance back to see if anyone was following me.
Post Script:
As I sit here at the keyboard I am considering why it took me so long to relate this story in its inglorious detail, what caused me to remain silent for 15 years. And there are several answers. One is that the whole incident is embarrassing. No one wants to admit to being duped. And there has been this lingering fear of reprisal. That somehow they would strike back at me.
Two things have changed this for me. One was that just last month I finally severed any last wispy tendril of connection to the church. I had been working with someone who was still in the Church and did not want to make his life more miserable.
And then last week I saw an interview with the people who made the new HBO film about Scientology “Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief” that comes out later this month. There was Mike Rinder and Paul Haggis, Alex Gibney and Lawrence Wright (all supremely Suppressive People) being interviewed and laughing. I could see that there was nothing left for me to fear. Something clicked, some charge blew, some held down 7 was erased and I finally felt free.
And that’s a good feeling.
Andy
And here are just a couple of Andy’s photos — take a look at his website for more. They are spectacular.
Park Butte Lookout and Mount Baker
Snow Geese
I was so touched by this story. I was way less fortunate and didn’t leave on time…
Scientology completely fucked up my mind. I was held for 2 months against my will for sec check mid advanced level. I was never the same after that…
Just donated 500 $ to the Aftermath. I hope it will help someone smart enough to escape before its too late.
Thank you so much for your donation. It WILL help someone.
Thanks for your comment. Yes, it fucks up your mind.
I would love to hear your story!
Andy
As a never-in, thank you for this post Andy. I’m a frequent commenter and Sci-watcher for many years and I think your story best describes the mental trap that is Scientology. It is indeed a mind fuck and causes people to go against their own instincts and intellect. What a scam. Thank you again for your sharing your story, and congratulations on finding the courage to get out.
As for posts above that asks whether Scientology causes cancer, I don’t think there can be a direct link, but from what I’ve been able to gather Scientology causes:
-a lot of sitting. Hours and hours of auditing every day is very sedentary, and research is out there that this is definitely bad for you.
-stress. Stress from confessing your “crimes”, stress from paying and donating more than you can afford, stress from the possibility of losing your “eternity” or friends and family. Stress is also proven to be unhealthy.
-the idea that smoking is good for you. It seems to encourage emulating Hubbard, who was a chain smoker and advocated this behaviour.
-the blanket denial of most forms of medical science.
So yeah, I could see why people in the bubble become unwell, and why getting out is so beneficial, mentally, physically, and spiritually.
Thanks for this very well expressed story Andy. This psychological torture called sec checking has no resemblance to what I consider to be proper auditing, solely for the benefit of the individual. What a sick game the top of the bridge has become. Thanks for all your service and work in Russia. I’m so glad you are doing so well with your family and artistry.
Hallie Jane:
“Proper auditing”. That’s the hook that keeps people functioning as “Scientologists”. I know we will never agree about the meaning of 2 words that sound like a blessing to you, and a devastation to me. So I’ll just say, thank you for your well wishes to Andy.
Thank you Hallie 🙂
Russia and scientology: A match made in the deepest circle of Hell.
Awesome write up Andy. Thank you so much. Your photos are stunning!!
We had the exact same EP at the Mecca of Scientology – Flag. We like to cal it the “Fort Homicide” at the “Fraud Scam Base”.
Write more – we really appreciated everything you had to say. It helps to know you are not alone with all of the Scientology mind fucking!
Christ Andy. You really got inside my noggin! You’re an incredible writer.
Gail, Thank you! If you don’t mind me sayin’: It wasn’t me that got into your head, it was them! Its just that they got into mine, too! I must admit that when I wrote the account of my last trip to Mecca I had some small wonder: Did the same thing happen to anyone else? I have my answer to that question! Congrats on escaping, Hope to hear from you again.
Andy, I read everything on that link. Talk about not knowing whether to laugh or cry – there was so much truth coming thru one way or another via your humor and hard-hitting truths. Your writing is full of energy – terrific!
Thank you so much AM. And I hope we run into each other again.
I lived through all that you detail in your story. You are a great writer Please write a book so that more truth can get out.
Andy, you and I met years ago when you gave a WISE talk to a bunch of us in my area. I was helped by that talk and never forgot it, or you. What you communicated then, what you shared when you came out on Marty’s blog a few years ago, and what you’ve just shared so poignantly here today are all consistent with an honest, trustworthy, unpretentious person who offers real help from his own real experience and knowledge. Thank you, Andy. You were an OL for me then and you’re an OL for me now. And your photographs are simply beautiful.
For anyone who is interested: Here is a link to another story I wrote not long ago, A Day in the Life of An Org ED. It was posted once, here on Mike site, on a comment thread. Here is the link:
https://myscientologyodyssey.wordpress.com/
ASTOUNDING story, well written. Enjoy your freedom, kid.
Andy, this piece you wrote clearly framed the reality of it all. Thank you so much.
Now THAT’s a fuckin’ awesome story told.
🙂
“There are dozens of other poor victims here, just like me going through the same process of confession, purification and redemption. We never speak to each other, each of us in our own private hell. Each of us not wanting to communicate our feelings about how fucked this is for fear that the other would rat us out and so lengthen the process.”
Therein lies the trap…from the bottom level (missions) to the top!
Perfect post, man!
Awesome photographs!
I’m a never-in who lives in Clearwater and works with the public, so I meet Scientologists of all ages and types. I feel bad for the kids – they seem so happy and healthy, not knowing what awaits. I wish that there were a magical seed that I could slip into their pockets to protect them. I really appreciate your story, Andy, because it helps me to be more compassionate to the adult Scientologists I encounter, instead of just writing them off as “whack-a-doodle.” (Honestly, that’s what most of us think.) Clearwater will take a financial hit when Scientology fails, but it will be worth it.
Thank you to every former believer who is coming forward to help dismantle the evil.
Andy I just wanna say that your story took my breath away..Im still shocked! Boy oh boy, did you get stuck in a microwave cooker or what?? I mean now I get it. I see what a friend went through to get to his status of OT8! I know why his personality changed from a happy go lucky rebel to a COB drone without so much as a smile left to keep the weariness away! Whatever they did to turn him into a spineless sod you laid bare and solved a big mystery for a lot of people in S.africa, thats for sure! The stomach turns, the collar burns and my heart yearns for blood!
I am thankfull I did not make it up the bridge in the church. I left causatively and have never looked back! I am doing the OT levels outside the bubble and it is NOT, NOT what you have described here, not at all!!! Jeeze..Im just so gob smacked at what this lunatic has done! I feel such grief knowing how some of my friends and family are heading into that hell..beggars belief..almost too much to bare!
Andy, you are one helluva tough SOB(in all the best ways).
I salute you for getting out sane, scared but not broken! Your artistic expression will soothe away your travails as your story counts for many! Congratulations.
P.s. not all bridges lead to ruin, I trust you will find yours whatever it may be. Blessings to you! Your future is here now. Have fun.
Thank you so much, SB, there is no doubt in my mind that the person in charge of creating that gauntlet of invalidation and insanity-inducing pressure was a REAL suppressive. It took time to stop introspecting and see the truth, but I did. And now, yes, life is fun!!! I want to make it over to your neighborhood to take pictures! What’s the best time of year to visit?
Andy the best time is summer generally say October to March. Location is also important obviously. Different cities and landscapes will offer wonderous shooting opportunities for you. Cape Town our mother city is up there with one of the most beautiful, photographers wet dream actually! You will gorge yourself in mediteranean type sea and mountains with panaramic views! As to the rest of the country you will have anything from true African savannah to subtropical bush, semi-desert and everything in between! Spoilt for choice and variety really. Add to that a spicy mix of post collonialism, african tribalism and oddball politics you would have a true adventure on your hands haha! Roads are good, technology services, best in Africa and the only thing worth baring in mind is its far less dangerous than the press would have you believe!
Gawd I sound like a travel agent! 😉
Hey SB, WOW!!! I am coming for sure. I was in Africa only once, in Burkina Faso. How can I stay in touch? My contact data is connected to my wordpress, maybe email me?
Andy thats great, would be an absolute pleasure to have you visit! My wife is an amature photographer herself and is forever shooting up a storm, she could advise you on the best locations. In the meantime check out some travel sights to give you some reality on cost and planning your travels in S. Africa. The garden route, Kruger national park, knysna forest, Drakensburg mountains and Wild coast are but some of the attractions available!
The yanks Ive met in S.africa have all been great, especially an old class 8 who saved my ass not long after Id left the church! Cleaned up my lower bridge in 3months, went clear soon after that. Now on OT2 and winning daily. Yes its possible. I wont lecture you or anyone else about that. I mention it only because I have a special place in my heart for this American chap who brought his artistic skills and techical abilities here and had a massive positive impact on so many! Shows what you can do when free from those evil f.@%kers!
Anyway, Andy hope you come and say hi in Sunny S.africa, I have a nice cottage for you to spend a night or two 8 blocks away from the beach. Promise, not to mention of regging, Flag or anything else of contention 🙂
Send you a private email soon. Have a great day mate!
So many parts of that story touched me and articulated very much how I felt when in, even though I did not get into the OT levels.
Congratulations to all who have escaped this diabolical mental totalitarianism that is seeded with just enough positives to keep people trapped.
And thank Xenu that Scientology sec checks (and auditing) are not covered by insurance. The nation would be broke, broken, and bonkers.
” lecture 6001C01 RESPONSIBILITY, in which you’ll hear about The greatest overt act in the world is making other people guilty of overt acts. (chapter 4 of the CD lecture)”
Perhaps one could add ” especially when the purpose is to
extract more money and to humiliate and control.”
You’ve illustrated this extremely well and given an indication as to why
so many people get sick on this level.
Andy, I rarely contribute comments here for the reason that so many people echo, in writing, what I feel/think.
But in this case, your write-up so paralleled my last and final “visit”, I am compelled to write you a resounding acknowledgement for the time, effort and clarity of thinking you put into your post
It was uncanny how you voiced your fears, anxieties, confusions, etc – it was like reading the voice of ‘every man’. The thought briefly crossed my mind your writeup may have been a bit long but, equally as briefly, I saw how essential it was to include everything you wrote.
If ever there was a ‘handout’ to give a never-in that explained in detail what it was like to get “auditing” at the most unhappiest place on earth your write-up is perfect. In fact, I’m emailing it to some folks who should become of aware of the real deal.
Andy, I love your nature photos. They not only show artistic vision but great technical skill (the star field as background!!!).
Happy to see so many people here who can relate with your experiences. Suspect if it was sent out to enough people it would have a similar effect as did Debbie Cook’s email.
Cheers buddy.
I learned from giving lectures about scientology, that a good lecture needs real examples. Otherwise its boring! I wanted to write about what was the worst part, and well, there you have it!
One aspect of it: I probably didn’t seem unhappy when I was there. As someone else already commented, if you look like you have bad indicators, it more sec checking! But when I was there, I looked at everyone else, and thought, “Look at them…they look do happy…what is so wrong with me….” And now it seems that maybe, they looked at me back them and thought the same exact thing!!!
I’m a “never in”. Wow. I have been reading several scientology blogs for a awhile now, but this is the first time I actually encountered what a sec check really felt like and the feelings and thoughts of the person who was being subjected to the mind fuck that a sec check is.
Contrary to what Mike said at the beginning of the article, this was very interesting and not boring at all!!!
Thank you, what you wrote goes to the heat of the terror and control that is scientology, and the more that people write and expose about this terror organization not being a religion, but a “for profit” outfit, the sooner the IRS will remove (hopefully) their tax-exempt classification and the beginning of the end can finally begin.
Again, thank you.
Andy, you just told this story so exactly. I had a completly similar experience. It’s so well accounted for.
Andy… Thank you so much for that post! It was so well communicated. It’s revealed what I always suspected goes on in people’s minds but which they can never say!
Andy: first of all congratulations with your escape. You must be an extremely ‘sane’ guy to get unscathed out of this insanity. I am sorry you had to go all through this psychological torture.
Until now I couldn’t have imagined something more horrifying and absurd and dangerous than the stories of Kafka. Until I read your story.
I had only a couple of these confessional sessions. I was saved by the bell: we all had to go back to the learning drills! After the last session I had become ill within seconds After cleaning up the missed withhold of nothing, I was dismissed, and could go memorising answers to questions.
That was my last time in Scientology.
Andy, wonderfully written and acutely felt. Thank you for this.
Thanks for sharing, Andy. Best wishes to you!
Andy, thank you for your story. I’m a never in and I’m fascinated by these first hand accounts, it gives greater understanding as to the thought processes and the torment you all had to endure. Your candid account is very well written, thank you for your bravery.
Good god…as a never in, I have to say that Andy’s story was very interesting, illuminating, and only difficult to get through because of the anger I felt at what he was going through. It had a truly visceral effect. I’m sitting here with a knot in my stomach, unable to write anything, because just from reading this account, I want to burn the place to the ground. I can only imagine what it must have been like for him–and so many others–at the time. The restraint he showed by not doing something like that–and by not smacking the s**t out of that little pipsqueak, know-it-all ethics officer (teenagers are bad enough when they’re not given that kind of power)–is pretty incredible.
I’m glad you’ve now spoken out, Andy. I am so sorry that you and others have felt embarrassed for being “duped.” This kind of account goes a long way in dispelling that notion. You were deceived and victimized, trapped in the hell that sprung from the old fat bastard’s psychosis. Congratulations on making it through.
For myself, I wish I had a do-over where I would have been much more bold and brazen on my leaving, instead of sneaking away…but in any event, happy I escaped!
For those never in Scientology, I want to give a different emphasis to Andy’s story. The same happened to me much lower on the “Bridge to Total Freedom”. To me, his experience and my own experience is one of BETRAYAL. Firstly, let’s get the contents of OT VII out of the way. For those of you never in, who have done their study, then yes, it is a Solo Audit action that takes several years and what you are doing is “telepathically” auditing out your space-cootie infestation of “body thetans”. Of course, no sane person would do that. To make matters worse, there is a six-monthly security check to work out if you are deserving enough to continue this insane process of auditing out your space cooties. The first one of these could cost you $40k as they break you down and make you feel guilty and make you controllable. After that, each six-monthly security check will cost a lot less (like $10k-$15k) as you have been conditioned to obey and you know what to say to keep you out of financial trouble. So you are bullied and have to pay the cult on average $30k per year to be allowed to continue to audit out your space cooties and this has to be insanity to the nth degree. So as an outsider, you may be wondering why the hell people put up with this. You maybe think they are mentally deficient, and you would be half right, as these people are definitely mentally damaged to a degree. So what stops them from walking away or suing the cult to get their money back? My take on this is that people continue because they have made sacrifices and showed dedication to help them in their goals, so they think it must be worthwhile and they think that when it comes to their own spiritual progress — to finally get something back in return — that this “Church” and its dedicated members are going to reciprocate by helping equally in return. This is a natural assumption. But all that faces them with this cult is BETRAYAL from those they have worked alongside and made sacrifices to help them in their goals. They do not believe that they could, or would, intentionally pay them back with BETRAYAL. But this is what they do. These Sea Org members that have love-bombed them in the past and thanked them for their sacrifices will be set a target to take the maximum money off them when they turn up to receive their own spiritual benefits. But they will be BETRAYED and it will cause them great emotional pain. But as they hang their heads in despair, they see all those other happy and smiling people around them getting great “Wins” from the Church so they think that there is something wrong with them and it is their own fault and it will all be better the next time round. But for one thing, these happy, smiling people have gone through the same experience. They also have been betrayed and bullied, but they have learned to fake happiness as they have learned that this makes things go faster and easier for them. But if people get over this betrayal and again find enough money to continue their progress “up the Bridge” then yet another betrayal awaits them on the next level. And this will happen again and again. They get locked into the Church by their own investment of sacrifices, believing they are all working to a common good, and they cannot accept that the Church’s only function is to betray them by taking the maximum amount of money from them each and every time they turn up.
When I was a member, I used to think of the super-whale big donors to the IAS and how they rocket up “the Bridge”. These people who had given millions of dollars, perhaps tens of millions, to the IAS and other projects. I wished I were as “up-stat” as them — that I could somehow stop myself from commiting the crimes that I must be doing, and yet not know I was doing them, so I too could get huge wins from Scientology and one day be as “up-stat” as they were and make the progress on “the Bridge” that they were making. It seemed like everything went smoothly for them — but now I realise that that was not the case. These people have been betrayed even more by the cult. Their “donations” have not been put to the uses they were told it would be put to, except for about 2% of it. This is just income to the cult and is used to pay the bills and to keep the show on the road. Now, in 2015, it is plainly obvious. Even if they received in income, two million dollars a week from auditing and training, then this would not even be enough to keep Flag open. They need MUCH more than that to keep operating, especially now with their bigger buildings and their mounting legal costs. Now, in 2015, it is obvious that they are using IAS donations as the main source of income to keep the doors open and the lights burning. And once you see that, you can see that they have been doing this for at least the past ten years. So the betrayal is not just happening to the ordinary Scientologists — the betrayal is happening to the whales and super-whales as well. It is just done more skillfully to flatter their egos so they feel good about it and donate even more unquestionably and recklessly.
But now we have reached 2015, and the Ideal Orgs are out there standing empty of new public, then it is obvious they must be getting the money from somewhere to keep operating. And that the bulk of the money must be coming from the IAS. The whales and super-whales can see that now. They all know that they have been had. But they will have sons and daughters in the cult and perhaps grandchildren that they know they will lose contact with if they ever stop donating. But at least, now, they are not living an illusion. They now know it is THEIR money that is keeping the cult trundling along down the road to self-destruction until it finally runs out of whale oil and the lights in the Orgs finally all go out.
Thanks, Roland for your story! Glad you made it out, into the light!
Andy,
Thank you for sharing and kudos on your abilities to tell your experiences so thoughtfully and clearly. I got the “idiot” joke, but in all seriousness, there is clearly nothing idiotic about you. You were lied to and you had the best of intentions. I thought I would share this great article by Alonzo about this subject and hindsight bias.
“I spent 35 years wasting my time in Scientology”:
http://www.alanzosblog.com/scientology-hindsight-bias-ex-scientologists-deadliest-disease/
Thank you, L.
Wow Andy!
Boy, do YOU have a way with words :):)
If someone read your story who never knew ANYTHING about Scientology that would be the ticket to NEVER getting involved with it.
I am soooo glad Flag kicked me out of my NOTs auditor training because of ‘disaffection’.
Love your photography too, using reflections is a powerful media.
Read your ‘Hitch hiker’ story as well and ‘sweated’ with you in the Camero with the coonass….
Please, apart from continuing your photographic art, also continue writing. You got a gift!
Greta
Thanks, Z!
Well written articulate representation of how it actually is. I didn’t think it too long at all. Your photography is stellar. It’s wonderful you get to go all those places now. Well done on your EP ‘Cause Over Life’ 🙂
Andy, that was a fantastic story and the pictures were magic. I imagine that you are due to become a best seller and world class photog. I used up fifty hours of my nots money on sec checking I didn’t need like gimme a break, one does not have time to be bad on the levels.
I had to come up with more money to finish five at AOLA. Then on to Flag.
After the first visit to Flag,the whole idea of going back to flag would lock my needle up like a bulls ass in fly time.
The ethics officer walking around with a swagger stick under his arm was just creepy.
Being an old bastard didn’t help either because the course rooms were cold enough to hang meat in and the heaters kept blowing circuits not to mention the blankets stank like dirty feet.
Drilling at the wall was brilliant technology. A class 8 C/S friend of mine was brought to tears trying to get through that gauntlet.
Another time I joined the SO I was recruited to go to the household unit but the old man checked out when I was about to finish the EPF, they had recruited me full well knowing that he was close to room temp.They needed guys like me at Int because I could make things they needed but I couldn’t “qual”, you can guess, so I ended up at flag as a word clearer in the Nots/Ls unit. I kept a low profile and managed to miss most of the musters because I was too busy actually helping auditors with crams early in the morning. What could they say? I somehow managed to replace myself and headed back to
Pac and hung out as an expediter until I informed them that I was becoming ill and that the IRS was after me as well. They were glad to get rid of me.
Later I went back to flag to do 6 and that took me about a year and a half on and off to do that. By then I was burning out especially after I found out about how miserable and expensive 7 was going to be and I declared myself a free OT finished and in tact. All this for only 250 K and a beast of burden for forty years. One more thing; I got my new wife, a highly skilled architecturally qualified interior designer/design IC at CC when they were doing the renos.She was a highly trained administrator and kept a journal.
She found dozens of code violations but the big KR that pushed DM over the edge was an LRH advice that said that if CC was to be remodeled it should be done slightly art decco as it was originally. They sent down Bitty and a half dozen screaming and yelling
missionaires to encircle her and terrorize her.They then went and got her folders from the mission in Mont rose and circulated them all over the system looking for data they could use against her at 3 failed comevs.Her next step on the bridge was the DRD.She caved in and started to drink a little at first. I asked an old OT8 friend to help me get her sorted out again but he liked to drink as well, you can put the dots together.
She was 50 years old when she died.
In retrospect I could have done more but I was in the middle of 5 and didn’t want to jeopardize my bridge.My bad big time.
The Chaplin at the AO said “I ain’t going against management”.Now I know why.
Hi Ron, Yes, the group think inside the church is so strong, so insane, its hard to fight it.
Andy ~~
You said it so beautifully.
I went through exactly this in 1991 and eventually fled the Flag Land base vowing never NEVER to return to Flag. Survival decision.
i was *summoned* to Flag under threat of declare based on a couple of bogus KRs.
And $50,000 of my money was used on the bullshit questions. When they ran out of questions, I was given my
13th Joberg Confessional !
Yes, for the 13th time I had to FN questions just as “Did I have a baby farm?” “Did I smuggle diamonds ?
Since 2010 I have been studying more and more case histories, reading all the books, and especially reading the heartbreaking stories I receive daily from around the world in my mailbox. Devastated familes, Bankrupt families, one horror story after another.
I have come to the conclusion that there has not been a single decade since 1950 where the stated purpose of “Helping mankind” was a mask to hide the true intentions which were accumulation of wealth, power and utter domination and supremacy and mastery of the individual. It has always been self serving. It survives to accumulate wealth,. real estate and net worth at savage expense to the individual.
This is not to say there are many well meaning staff who try to good things while believing in it all. This is not to say that wins have been achieved.
Heck, i went around the world for 5 years promoting it all, I know just how one can get locked into the prison of belief.
Thank you for telling your story.
I love your videos, Karen. Thank you so much! I would love to see some specifics on how many Scientologists have lost their homes or gone bankrupt with this whole ludicrous scam. That is something we have not seen yet. I know that the whole thing put a big dent in my bank account….however, I stopped before I was on the street. I’m curious about the stats on that.
Again, thank you for all that you do! You have tremendous courage and personal power.
Hi Karen, Thank you. It is an honor to add my voice to that of so many who have spoken out so persistently. You have done so much to expose the abuses. God Bless you!
Andy, you have graciously and honestly shared your life, and this will make a difference to someone. If only one individual can start the process to think about leaving Scientology after reading your real-life meaningful story, you will have impacted another in ways that you will never know. One person at a time is success, too, and should never be undervalued or forgotten.
Hey Andy – I hear you.
Been there, done that. Wish I could say otherwise but it’s a blemish on my soul that is extremely hard to wash off. And so damned expensive too!
When I was eventually handed the materials and allowed to go home and audit I felt as though I had “gotten away with something” rather than the supposed feeling of euphoria of being on the adventure of the trail to “cause over life.”
I was soon back in ethics however creating new and wonderful subjective methods of overcoming the ‘system’ as I went out security for forgetting to lock the cupboard where the sacred materials were in their locked brief case. So mesmerised I was by the mind set you so well described, I fessed up (stupid me!). I lasted nearly 2 years before seeing the light and sending their precious materials back to them with a note attached – “do not disturb”.
That is all behind me now and like you said in your 2nd last paragraph – “there is nothing to fear.”
I too can laugh but not about everything concerning my time at Flag withstanding the crap they dished out. I’m always around somewhere, and if you believe we are immortal beings, I want the operatives at Flag to keep that in mind – I won’t forget, we will meet again…
Way to go Andy. Love your pictures. By coincidence
just saw a movie were they were a key plot point.
” Friends Request.”
Another never been in, i have found your story incredibly thought provoking. it has been the best expression of how a member really feels as they go through the day to day agony.
many, many thanks to all of you who have made me aware of the truth. i will never judge someone since i have not finished with my life!!
Very well written and thank you Andy. You made me think when mentioned the auditor; yes we all know they are exhausted after lengthily weeks of no sleep to get IAS donations quota made. However, behind the scenes there is another arbitrary introduced by RTC Reps; ‘petty overts”, translated into ‘people have crimes, you have to find them’.
This has lead to auditors auditing with a set frame of mind and a haunted look because, if they don’t find the crimes they themselves may end in ethics and sec checks. Another factor enters in: audited hours; if they are down the auditor is out ethics, so the longer the sec check goes, the better for stats.
Add the Value of Services Delivered – that stat has also to go up, so ‘find the crimes’ which makes any sec check go forever without regard to the huge invalidation and evaluation the pc has to suffer silently.
Criminal, oppressive. However, the end product is this: many more people are leaving the church.
This should not be tolerated, nor condoned. Glad you are out and if you can help others to see the light, please do so. No cooperation is better than keep pretending everything is fine.
Yes…the stats…one of the most insanely abused parts of the admin tech. The more you abuse people to get the stats up, the more insane the next level needed to get them up again. Man, glad to be gone from that! 🙂
So eloquently written Andy. Your writing is so good that I could see, hear, smell the whole thing. I know what this is like — awful. No wonder they are contracting and losing members in droves. Each and every single day, Scientology is the exact opposite of what it professes to be and what we all believed it to be.
Thanks for relaying your story. I have a friend who really did go insane going through what you went through. I am happy you had enough personal strength to hold on to your wits. Not everyone is so “fortunate”. My friend is gone — never to be the same. What a mess! I’m so glad you are out.
I went to your website — your photos are gorgeous. Scientology has a knack for losing good, talented people.
Sindy — there is *some* hope for your friend. She won’t ever be who she was before she went insane but there IS a chance she’ll be better. There is nothing like insanity to make you stronger. Remember … what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Insanity *can* do the same. She has a way to go … a long way but there is *some* hope now.
I’ve asked Mike to give you my email address.
Windhorse
Really good write up Andy. Thank you for taking the time. I will share it with many. I notice that today they have a leaving sec-check AFTER completing an OT level at the AOs.
A friend of mine has just completed one. She told me about it with a quick comment avoiding the possibility of me commenting on it. No thinking allowed!
As a never was in I found this article anything but boring. It provided me with an even greater insight into the “mindfuck” that is the church of scientology. Thank you to Andy Porter for sharing this and to Mike for posting this.
Captain Tripps: I suggest printing out the posts you enjoy and occasionally mailing them to your family members and Scientology contacts. You could try both long posts like this and short visually arresting graphs of stats.
Doing that helped me wake up one of my oldest Scientology friends.
Andy,
Fascinated. Appalled. Outraged. These Kafaesque testimonies are why a lot of never ins are scientology watchers. We simply can’t believe that these sorts of abuses and psychological torture exists in modern well educated countries and allowed to go on. All we want is for the abuse of its members and the harrassment of those who speak out about the abuse of its members to stop.
The irony for those inside the bubble is that all the SP’s they run in fear from are on their side.
I’m glad you got out and wish you all the best for your future.
I’m a never in and I thought this was incredibly interesting and informative. It gives a great insight into what a somewhat sweeping statement like ‘constant sec checking’ is really like. Thanks a lot.
Never-in here. Great story, Andy; I hope it helps others too.
All this misery and anguish, due to absolute faith in this jumped up electrical measurer that you can get from Radio Shack for $5. To me, that is the saddest part of all. It’s like the worst possible form of idol worship. It’s a modern version of “reading the entrails”.
Fantastic write-up Andy, I hope there is more in the pipeline.
What is fascinating about this is it directly contradicts basic Scn principles:
1) Man is basically good
2) As a being moves up the Bridge he becomes naturally ethical
3) And related to #2, that unethical behaviour is largely due to the being having a bank
Clearly the church doesn’t believe this to be true. I know of no other religion that devotes so much time and effort making its parishioners feel guilty.
What I suspect as an underlying motivation, is by the time an individual reaches the upper levels the charade is wearing pretty thin. People may start to notice that the promised super powers of OT have not materialized. In order to combat this, they forcefully seek to introvert them and covertly blame the pre-OT and his “out-ethics.” They spin this as “the ethics standards for OTs are very, very high”, or “you have to be squeaky clean to get the gains available on the level.” All of this is, of course, nonsense.
In fact I would speculate that the longer you have been a Scnist and the more you have contributed, the rougher its going to be for you. I know of cases where people relatively new to Scn (a few years) race up the Bridge and essentially just walk onto OTVII. How can this be? The experienced Scnist deep down KNOWS something is seriously wrong with the whole picture; whereas the newbie is living the dream. The closer you are to uncovering the fraud, the heavier the implanting required to keep you in line.
And, of course, if you can get away with this AND make a shitload of money…all the better.
This is a such a well written depiction of what really goes on behind the scenes that only a few courageous have dared to elaborate on the behind the scenes of this most “wonderful” Mecca! Humph!!!! I hope this helps many so trapped! Furthermore the parallels between what Hubbard rails about psychs is so the overt doth speak loudly in accusation!
As someone who was raised a Scientologist and only made it to TRs and Objectives before blowing. But who’s mother was on OT VII in the 90s. I want to thank you for giving me insight into what that was like for her. I resent my mother because when I was growing up missed out on a lot of parental time because of her consent solo-auditing combined with working high-time for enough money. I would have also like that we would have lived in home but in her mind spending the money for a house was an overt. I realize that others had it worse but that doesn’t make it right. I have done my best to forgive her. At the same time I have to thank her for fighting to keep me out of the SeaOrg which of course lead to more Sec Checks which she passed despite a lack of sleep. But I don’t want to see anymore victims of this insanity!
I want to post more having finished reading. One on “Ron Hubbard once said in a lecture that you have to be careful in what you fight, because that which you resist you become, and then he adds: if you lose.” From my understanding it didn’t matter if you win, lose, or drawn just the counter intention will make you effect aka you will became that you fight. The trick is not to fight it but instead to as is it.
Even on the lower levels, I lived in constant fear of my non-overts being discovered and then being used against one. For example, I remember seeing a guy being attacked by a female SO Requiter for dick touching in the CC cafeteria because he didn’t want to see the SeaOrg requirement film!!!! Of course, he just happened to be chatting up a lovely girl at the time. Paraphrased it went something like this
He was asking the girl some chatty questions.
SO interrupting: Do you want to see the Sea Org Film?
He: No, thank you I don’t.
SO: Do you masturbate?
He: Yes, I do.
He Confused, added: why is there something wrong with that?
SO: Yes, it’s an overt.
HE: How is it an overt???
I nearly believe she had a reference with her or she got least got it very quickly.
This was nearly uncomfortably for me as young man who was just getting his confront up on trying to date women. I was actually studying this guy as an example of how to chat up the girls before witnessing this event. He had smooth moves and so called natural TRs. THIS SIMPLY HAD TO BE SUPRESSED by those who where themselves suppressed on the 2D aka SeaOrg!!!! I was simply stunned at her make wrong of some poor guy who just wanted because a nice girl to date. So much for a safe space. Right there and then I knew it was not safe to confess any of those types of “transgressions.”
I still feel bad that I didn’t come to the defense of my fellow man….
Yes indeed ‘from83’ – I too don’t want to see anymore victims of $cientology.
Your story resonates with me, I was in from the mid 80s to late 90s and hear what you are saying. I saw a lot of fanaticism override family values which simply isn’t right nor fair. I don’t care what the justification, family comes first – always.
Wow ! Great write-up which really helps a lot of Folks to see the madness that is currently in control of the C of $. Thanks !
In the new book “Arrows In The Dark” by Scio Author Merrell Vannier (this Indie book release item disseminated on Tony Ortega’s website about 5 days ago), the main conclusion is that DM is a plant (most probably an implanted Plant) established so as to remove the system of Church Checks & Balances that LRH put in place. And to De-Power the Church & Parishioners for good, in any hidden / non-obvious / slow-acting way possible.
The actions you suffered seem constant for all OT-VII / VIII’s. These actions of course make sense to the Evil mind. To an Evil mind, for any person to have the chance of any real power in life, there must also be a Dossier created against that person which is held on record so that you can be convinced / forced to withdraw / recede at any time, from any course of action that the SP disagrees with (which means “is Fearful of”).
The Evil Mind is unable to Understand (by definition) that a stable high level Scio (or any evolved / Native State Being) is quite capable of withdrawing / receding from any course of action through the use of the Ethical, Educated & Self-Deterministic abilities available to that Being. Of course, the difference of opinion here is about what is actually the Greatest Good for the Greatest number of Dynamics ?? An SP like Davey – including his goons & handlers – will always arrive at a different conclusion than you or I !
Various suggested solutions arise, from conclusions like this one ;
1) Kick Davey into the maximum RPF that can be imagined. If we try this solution, let’s get our money back from his accounts, first !
2) Get the Church back on course – or replace it ? .
3) Instead of #1 & #2, do nothing other than what we are already doing Independently ?
4) Get free of this Suppressive BS, by understanding it and shaking it off.
5) Etc, etc – comments & suggestions please !!
Above all, please remember that ;
“If it ain’t Fun – it ain’t standard LRH”.
Even LRH himself did not always seem to constantly remember this fact, which mostly pertains & applies to the Application of Scientology Technology to Beings, not necessarily to Churches or Founders, all of the time – – –
#
Havent read the book, but if this is its conclusion, I doubt I will be doing so in the near future (or ever).
Yes – its apparently a hard-hitting read which appears to precede the things that we normally go back to, on the various blog sites. It’s closer back in time toward Phil Spickler’s excellent summaries (see his YouTube video series, etc).
I keep reading opinions that summarize it as a “game-changing read”. However, I agree with you – I will actually read it myself this week, to establish my own opinion.
#
The only opinion about the book I have read is Tony Ortega’s. Havent seen anything about this being “game-changing”, most of the events Merrill was involved in were 30 or 40 years ago. I doubt that is going to change much game today… But I might read it at some point if I have time. I don’t have a very high regard of “conspiracy theories” — I tend to rely on what you CAN see and know, rather than conclusions to “explain” what you supposedly see which is not really what it is. But this is a sidetrack for this thread.
WOT – Waste Of Time. Books, videos, and comments like that are pure nonsense. Scientology was and is a scam, a long-running confidence game, established, maintained, and modified over time to enrich LRH monetarily, and to feed his narcissistic needs.
There is nothing hidden about it, no nefarious evil forces – it’s ordinary people practicing some of the worst of human traits. It’s all been out in the open for decades, including the power grab that settled DM at the controls of the money, thus at the controls of the organization.
Anyone who thinks Scientology can be fixed, revised, changed, improved, or has some underlying grand value to humanity and to the world has simply not been paying attention to reality.
Hi Andy, I wanted to let you know that the piece you wrote was amazing! It really resonated with me on so many levels.Your photography is beautiful.I wish you & your family much happiness,joy& love.You deserve it! Mike’s blog is infinite water,dripping forever on the entire cos & dm.Those inside believe they are protected by their rock, the cos. Yet the water keeps dripping & it wears a channel into the rock which will widen & wash the rock away. At that point the cos will collapse into the Sea.Then all of us who left the SO & anyone who has been hurt literally & figuratively by the cos, will dance & sparkle together with the Universe & the Light! I love all of you who tirelessly keep pushing forward with the Truth. A heartfelt thank you.A Forever Friend Ann.
Hello Ann, Glad to make your acquaintance and have a new friend!
Hi Andy,Thank you for your kind words. I thought I would give you some more info on me. I have been flying over, under, & through the radar for years until I found Mike Rinder & knew he & the blog were exactly perfect. You are the 1st one on the blog I ever wrote too. I had been writing to Mike on his contact me email because after all I went through I was shaken about who to trust on the web. Well he gave me that push to come on out & join the gang, so when I read your piece, I took the leap. He may still have what I wrote him & somewhere there is a photo of my husband & I. If you want to ask him to send it please do. I joined the SO @ ASHo FDN in July 1974. I had only read Dianetics & because of that had written Pubs US about how I enjoyed the book @ that time. I am from Boston Mass & I received a recruitment SO survey from ASHO DAY.A total realization took me over & I knew my heart & home were with the SO.The Advance Org in La wanted me & Quentin H & I wrote each other for quite sometime.But it was ASHO F that really made me part of their reality & Ron had a welcome letter for me when I joined @ Temple St. The 1st years there were so incredible.I loved the SO , loved my training on the Excaliber, loved being letter reg, loved being the ASR,& paid $21k for auditing & bought every book LRH wrote & had them all in my room @ the Hollywood Inn.So it went on with my writing Ron & Mary Sue @ Flag on the SO1line pretty much 2x a week.I kept so many letters from them all. However when we started renovating the Complex prior to moving there from Temple St, things got really bad. I was told by a terminal who ran The GO I division that I was everything under the sun SP,rock slammer PTS evil you name it. Every night for months I would be pulled off post for sec checking. My auditors & c/s’s were pulled off my case I was put in Treason & not allowed to eat any meals in the mess hall, the officer promotion that our CO had asked for was taken from me & I ended up eating 2 apples a day for weeks as I was about to start Power .Had done XDN & had done the sweat program years before but was told I had to redo it. I was told to run barefoot in the early AM darkness up through Griffith Park for weeks. Basically as I told Mike I was RPFed but still left on post because I could pull those Thetans in for services @ ASHO. Finally I was told to guard this semi truck with all the pc folders that were coming over to the Complex. This was in the very dark parking lot @ the back of the Complex.A few smart aleck staff members were creeping around trying to scare me but I got thru the night.When the dawn was breaking all of s sudden I was grabbed by some one I did not know & told that because I had not let any ASHO Day members look @ their pc folders I was going into the real morgue @ the Complex that we had not cleaned yet.I was dragged to this heavy door & shoved inside. I turned to take a step forward when I was punched so hard across the face that my body slammed into the opposite wall. The door slammed & locked.I was dazed & bleeding from my nose & had no idea how long I would be there if not forever. So I had a good cry, fumbled around in that dark, dank awful space & found an old milk carton. I pushed it up against the door, sat on it & between blood & tears started reviewing the SO tapes in my mind.13 hours or so later the lock turned & a Flag member from Apollo said what the hell are you doing in here & got me out. That was really the turning point I blew in the spring of 78.And it was HARD. To present time,Walter & I have been married 34 yrs July. I could not have kids because of an emergency hystorectomy but we have 4 legged kids a dachshund & a Siamese kitty. I have survived colon & breast cancer out of the blue no family history crazy!We came to Baton Rouge on a whim 19 yrs ago & stayed.I still write prose & poems a bit, Mike has some I sent him. I am really in awe of your talent & am so glad you were my 2nd contact on the blog.If I can ever do anything for you let me know.Got our TVos’ warmed up for 3/29/15!! Thank you so much for reading all this.A Forever Friend Ann.
Hi Andy, I am hopeless as to the inner workings of computers! I tried to submit another write up about me for. you on the blog. Dated 3/8/15. It is on the blog below my 1st write up. Yesterday, I think I got a reply from you, but it said not downloaded from server yet & nothing came down. Technology!! I don’t know if my ICloud or WordPress’s. Take care & thank you. Forever a friend, Ann.
Is “Ann” short for “Joanne Watson”?
Hi Cindy, Thank you for your question about Joanne Watson. No, I’m Ann B Watson & I do not believe I have ever met a Joanne Watson. I hope you can connect with her. Take Care, Ann Watson.
Andy,
Thank you so very much for telling your story about getting out of this cruel and vicious cult. You are an excellent writer and I hope to someday buy a book authored by you !
My first trip to Flag was in 1988. I remember thinking….”this is the opposite of the friendliest place on Earth”. I learned quickly to plaster a smile on my face to avoid being approached about my Bad Indicators. I have never felt so hunted and afraid. I felt like a double agent.
Your story is exactly what happens at Flag when trying to get into OT 7. The constant introversion and mental gymnastics are exhausting.
With your obvious talent as an artist thru photography and writing, I hope you do write a book someday ! I’m sure with your time in Russia you have many interesting stories to tell.
Thanks Steph, I am more at ease taking pictures than writing, but love both. I live here in amongst such stunning beauty! I will get busy and get more stories to paper. Here is one I have written, about Hitchhiking: https://northwesternimages.wordpress.com/2014/01/14/hitchhiking-to-south-america-our-run-ins-with-a-lizard-a-coon-ass-and-rod-sterling/
Let’s start with your photography first. Beyond amazing! Bravo!
I’m also a little embarrassed about how I let myself be systematically bamboozled by this cult, but hey, we’re definitely not alone. I’m so glad you escaped before you were driven completely insane or got cancer or some other terrible disease. Well done and thank you for coming forward!
Thank you so much! I am glad you escaped, too!
thank You Andy , I have never read such a good account of the adventures of sec checking. it is invaluable , to show people who have little reality on it or those desensitized to the horror of it once it is behind them.
I have observed firsthand a good friend going crazy while going through it and she would have sold her first born if that was what was required of her, the pain of confusion was too intense.
Your feeling of freedom after seeing the interview resonnates with me, watching these intelligent 4 people laugh and care made me intensely grateful and happy.
Your leaving the org routing form cracked me up, I went through the same and had a hard time walking out and through the parking lot slowly ..I so wanted to run as fast as I could..
Funny! Yes, exactly, walking around, feeling like your in a spy novel, waiting for the hand on your shoulder, your cover is blown…RUN!!!!!
Another never in adding my voice to the chorus: this is an amazing, fantastic description of the Co$ extortion racket complete with “why are you hitting yourself” stapled on. I’ve read many tales of the agonizing treatment given to deeply devoted members, but this really is one of the best. It seems they have some common elements:
1. Scientology did provide early help/wins when they entered
2. These wins did not persist as they remained in chasing the carrot up the invisible Bridge they bought
3. When realization of the religious extortion scam hit, they were willing to run out the rest of their money on account just to ESCAPE
Your description of thought-stopping, trying to get the good thoughts masking the anger past the auditor and the baby “Ethics Officer” and the dozens of people you had to grovel too… Wow. Congratulations for finding the way out and sharing this great description. And thank you, Mike, for making it available here.
I always knew that Flaggotry was bad, but this? I’ve had less intrusive prostate exams.
This is why I would never make it as a Scientologist, even if I weren’t an illegal PC. I would simply not have the patience to put up with this, and I know that any sec check would end with me requiring to post bail down at the po-po shop and my not-auditor requiring emergency dental work. Sometimes it’s not so handy to have a mental illness that increases your aggression.
Espi, I would pay to see you in a sec check. And that’s a compliment from the bottom of my heart, because I think you would really do as you stated above. That would be the most awesome blowout ever. I’d even be the one to post bail for you. Too bad you’re an illegal PC.
“The auditing session begins and the auditor asks me if I have an ARC Break, meaning a recent upset. The auditor is focused on the e-meter to tell him the answer to his question.”
One thing that gets talked about, but not enough, is the use of the e-meter as an instrument of control. It really struck me as I read the above line. The e-meter is a magical device that serves as an oracle providing sacred answers to life’s questions. This is a replacement for rational analysis. This is direct instruction from a source that cannot be questioned. It’s a situation ripe for abuse.
The unreliable nature of the interpretation of the device’s output signal is actually the same problem as with the e-meter’s more sophisticated cousin, the polygraph “lie detector” system. It was really interesting to read Andy’s description of how the auditor too was under the gun and being controlled through case supervision with the e-meter as a tool of that control. For mind control to be effective, the transgressions and punishments should have an element of capriciousness, unpredictability, arbitrariness. Subjecting the members to the judgment of such an unreliable process, as readings from an e-meter, fits the bill. There’s nothing you can do to escape punishment except to surrender all of your own agency to the group.
Back many years ago when I was in, auditors were trained to only see the meter peripherally, to keep their real attention on the pc in front of them. How sick it’s become that the meter has become a tool of control, and auditors used as mental jailers.
Exactly. The auditors, and I found this to be especially at Flag, have become robots on the “three swing F/N” and sit there and stare at the meter! This would upset me and sometimes I felt like I was being driven crazy in session. I am also auditor trained, though never staff. I always called F/N’s when I saw them and had happy PC’s. I didn’t go very far in regards to auditing public because of this suppression though, after the definition of the F/N was changed.
Hgc10, I was thinking that too. I was trained as an auditor to make the PC believe the meter basically didn’t exist and you were talking one on one. The meter was just an added bonus, not the whole focus of the session. I was trained to Pay attention to the PC in front of me, their indicators meant more than the meter reading.
I vividly remember during a metering course getting flunked once for putting too much attention on the meter. Of course that was before three swing f/ns too when the meter actually was a tool not the focus of the session.
Mike – I’m a “never-in” and I can tell you this is far more interesting to me than you might think. My life has been impacted (negatively) by the cult so whenever I read a first-hand accounting of the inner-workings of the CoS it actually helps me better understand it.
I’ve read the entire thing and pulled out some of the quotes that I feel some up the CoS; in my “never-in” opinion.
“Why is this not fun? How can it be possible that I am not enjoying myself? …but before I follow this very far I put the brakes back on…no thinking”!
“I have to lie and tell them it’s all wonderful and that I LOVE it.”
“Many, if not all of you reading this, are now most likely thinking that I am one stupid brainwashed idiot for submitting to any of this insanity…. And you would be right!”
“They are fucking with people’s reality and sense of rightness to make a buck. And then the next level of the scam hits me: it’s all about how to control people…”
I am very pleased to read the comments from so many “never-ins” — I am glad this has helped paint a picture. It’s very vivid for those who have had similar experiences and obviously resonates even with those who have not. It’s a great piece of writing and I thank Andy for the time and skill invested in it.
Andy, great story and analysis and thanks for speaking out. I was on OTVII a few years earlier 1993-1996 when my analysis resulted showed me the arbitraries I encountered at FLAG were just designed to maximize the money intake. There was no other reasonable and logical explanation for 6 months checks, eligibility and the whole FLAG control operation. From your experience a few years later I can see it only got worse and more extreme. The late Hi Levi or Cosima at least would laugh with you at times. The ‘Hitler Youth’ that took over from them must be really something and I am glad I never met one of them. Otherwise I might have strangled a few. 🙂
Love your picture by the way, great photographies. Wish you all the best.
Hello Gerhard,
Yes, it got worse and worse…I recall my first OT Eligibility at AOLA in the 1980’s. It took an hour or so, I went to see the EO. He asked me what I thought I needed to do about what I confessed. I told him, he agreed and I was on the OT levels in minutes…
“Flag, the deadliest place in the whole world.”™
Andy comments early in his story: ‘a smarmy little puissant, like me…’
Though the context would imply you meant to say ‘pissant’ you and the other former members of the CoS who have left, and whom we never-ins have come know on these boards, are indeed:
‘puissant’:
(adjective, Literary.)
1. powerful; mighty; potent.
You stories are so compelling to me personally because you witness and testify to something indomitable in the human spirit. You have re-claimed your freedom and are great inspirations to anyone struggling with some kind of oppression or tyranny in their own lives.
Beautifully written and gorgeous pictures of my corner of the world; God’s Country indeed!
Yes, you are right I meant to say Pissant! Damn you, spell check! 🙂
Fixed it now Andy. Sorry I didnt catch it…
I have always loved the word ‘puissant’ and there are so few opportunities to use it appropriately.
As a descriptor of those who have escaped the ‘Prison of Belief’, it seems to be the ‘mot juste’!
ooops, ‘puissant’
Mike and Andy, As a never-in I was very impressed with Andy’s story. I believe most people can relate to the emotional turmoil that was so well described. (Although we may experience the same fear and pain by other life experiences). Also EVERYONE has felt shame over something in life. Unfortunately it sounds like in $ciontology, the members are exploited by having their so-called shameful acts continually obsessed over and overblown. It sounds like total torture.
It takes a real hero to not only disengage from this madness, but to also admit how painful and difficult it was to leave. That is something that takes courage. I hope your story is an encouragement to those still caught up in the pain of $cientology to leave. For never-ins, your story helps us understand the way members get caught up, because we can relate to fear, shame and other emotions that have made us make unsafe choices in life. However, you, Mike and others allow us to see that we do have the power to change, no matter how scary it is!
What a wonderful, honest write up. Thank you for telling your story. I’m so happy you were able to make it out and regain your real sense of self. Your photos are amazing, would love to see more. Again, thanks for sharing your story. 🙂
My pleasure, TJ !
how can an accessory to fraud, enslavement, child labor and abductions be a hero? anybody on staff of scientology ist such an accessory. albeit very much hypnotised and blackmailed himself, but still..
Andy, I loved the way you told your story. You captured the perpetual mind f**k very well.
It’s interesting how CofS loves to torture people who have done well at dissem or delivery. They beat you senseless for being effective and then expect you to go out and do it again.
Raindog — nice to hear from you…. 🙂
Thank you! Getting a mind f**k down on paper is no easy feat! I am glad it resonated. I don’t imagine that there are many dissem or tech veterans left…
You did a yeoman job Andy! The questions and buttons are so persistent and insidious that you find yourself looking for an answer somehow or someway to stop it.
A: Do you have an asshole on your forehead?
B: Of course not
A: Why don’t you take a look?
B: People don’t have assholes on their forehead
A: I’ll repeat the sec check question; do you have an asshole on your forehead?
B: No I don’t, I think it’s a false read
A: Is this a false read? (stares at meter and shakes head) Well we still need to keep looking. Let me rephrase, do you have an anal orifice on your forehead?
B: sigh….. Let me look….. I really don’t see anything
A: Okay, well let’s groove this in a bit more. Let’s go over how it could relate to you. In what situations might you find an asshole on your forehead
.
B: This is crazy, there is no way I could have an asshole on my forehead
A: I really need you to work with me so we can move on
B: Okay someone could paint one on my forehead….. maybe I could have one tattooed on…
.
A: Good, now we are getting somewhere. Do you have an asshole on my forehead?
B: Could you hand me a mirror?
Right Raindog. It is the ethos of the church. You can NEVER do enough for them, not matter what it is you are doing in the present, or have done in the past. The church has an immediate amnesia to the good works of its parishioners, staff and clergy.
Raindog, I am ROFLMAO at your sec check question perfection!!!!!! 😉
Great photos! Thanks for sharing your story and some of your most private thoughts. I think most of us who have been to FLAG totally relate to what your story, I know I do. FLAG is the very essence of the Truman Show.
I once had a very experienced auditor tell me that if she could just eliminate PCs jerking off and money issues, created by the “church,” there wouldn’t be very much time spent on rudiments and sec checks.
The photos are spectacular! Andy’s experience at Flag………..not so much.
I am always reminded of ‘The Emperor’s New Clothes’ whenever I read one of these stories. If there are any active Scientologists reading this………think about it. Are you really happy? Have you accomplished anything LRH promised? (i.e. superpowers).
You owe it to yourself to be honest……….at least be honest with yourself.
“And then the final realization creeps in to my mind: Hubbard has written several bulletins where he describes how psychologists and psychiatrists have plotted to trap beings, evilly introverting people to cause them to be inactive and dead. And here is the Church of Scientology, the Flag Land Base, the Mecca of Scientology, doing the exact same thing to its upper level adherents: belittling, introverting and trapping them.
Ron Hubbard once said in a lecture that you have to be careful in what you fight, because that which you resist you become, and then he adds: if you lose.
And so it goes: Scientology, with all of if its vaunted purposes for Freeing Beings and Creating a New Civilization has become what it resisted and is now in the business of trapping beings in a strait jacket of fear, mind control and despair.”
Amen
And now I’m going to be late for my dogs vet appointment and it was worth it. Amazing read Andy. Mike I think you’re wrong on never ins. My hubby cried reading it. He says the man explains mindfuck really well.
Hi Valerie, Hope your dogs alright…give her my apologies!
Andy, thanks, she’s fine, it was just a quick follow up. The vet and the dog park are synonymous in her mind, lots of people, lots of animals, everyone saying how pretty and well behaved she is. Aaah I want to be that innocent and live in the moment.
Good work Andy and nice photo’s.
Andy, what a journey?! Being in the SO at AO Flag for 4 years 2003-2007, and on those line, I saw how unjust this system is and completely sympathize what you have went trough. You were a “product” of their cruel system to keyd you in, introvert, so you can feel obligated to their will to “save” you. When you realized what their true intention is, you did the right thing: played their game to get out. I know it took lots of courage to confront the “true” evil. Well done.I am located in Portland, OR and you are welcome to contact me at any time. We left the Church in the end of June 2014, and our story you can find on Mike’s website.
Kudos to you.
Hi Yossi,
I will come find you sometime!
Yossi,
Were you ever posted at ASHO LA and are you from Isreal? If so, then we know each other. If you are the same Yossi, then it makes me even happier to know that you’re out and I hope that your wife is too.
Sorry Yossi I re- read what you wrote and realized that you are most likely Ronit’s husband. A different Yossi, but still glad you’re here!
Oh, wait, I forgot to say your photos are amazing!
Thank you Andy. I am very moved by your account as having been on the receiving end of sec checking I know what it’s like and you describe it well, then the humiliating begging others to let you back in the group when you did nothing wrong in the first place. Just one slightly tongue in cheek in cheek question. What are you going to do to repair the damage done to Russia by introducing the tech? Just joking, or am I?
Congratulation Andy and welcome to freedom! Thank you for sharing your story here. My husband and I can relate to what you had experienced at Flag on all flows. But you made it out and that’s wonderful!
Love your spectacular photos!
Thank you, Ronit!
Afterthought.
I worked at Bridge Publications in the Sea Org for about 18 years. I sold LRH books to accounts like Barnes & Noble and Walmart and travelled extensively to get books sold and published in other countries.
At one point I was being investigated by Miscavige and the CMO. The sales of Dianetics in the US public bookstores had been dropping for some years (since we stopped running TV ads, but that was too obvious).
As there were only two people who had been on the lines since the late 80’s, we were both being investigated as possible plants, sent in to destroy Bridge. Much easier to investigate a staff member than fix marketing.
I was sec checked every day and kept under 24 hour watch for several weeks. I would have “interviews” every day in an attempt to get me to confess to some crime or connection that I had that could then be reported uplines. Aha, we found his crimes. We have our “who”.
At one point my berthing was searched and everything I owned was gone through.
The next day in my interview, the two top CMO execs, both in their late 20’s started in.
“Are you a German spy?”. Ummm,, hadn’t really seen that one coming. Come again?
“Are you working for the German Government as a plant into Bridge Publications?” Hmmm.
Ends up that in their search they had found a receipt from a hotel in Germany. I had been attending the Frankfurt Book fair most years on behalf of Bridge. I explained to them that I had been to Germany several times. Bridge Publications paid for the trip.
“So you speak German then?” asks the CMO exec. I say that “No, I don’t.”
At this point they launch into me. “See, you are lying. How could you travel to Germany and not speak German?”.
At this point, despite the stress that I had been under for some weeks, I started laughing. Were these guys for real? Neither had obviously left California before.
100% certainty with zero experience or awareness. That is the essence of Scientology at present.
That was the beginning of the end for me.
Miscavige used these techniques for years in the Sea Org. With the carrot of OT VII, he could then export it to the paying public, make money in the process, and complete his control operation.
Anyway, thought you’d find that amusing.
Best,
Mark McKinstry
That’s one of the funniest/saddest stories I have heard in a LONG time Mark. 🙂
Achtung baby. (I have always suspected U2 of being German intelligence agents….)
They’re in cahoots with The Scorpions to take over Scientology. OSA is on it.
Oh man, that’s funny!!! “Do you speak German???????” Those crazy dumb fucks…. And what’s also funny is that it doesn’t matter WHAT you say, there is NO way to prove innocence to them.
As a born-in I’m so glad I somehow escaped joining the sea org like some of my siblings. Though I didn’t attend college (where I’m from the term college is equivalent to high-school) as I was on staff at an org instead in my early teens, I had some very big delays and problems to solve but finally managed to get higher education from other sources, and now in my early 30’s am just beginning to get my career together and am starting to do pretty well in the real world. Better late than never, and there’s no way the church is gonna get any of my dough now, haha.
Though I do have to keep UTR as my whole family are in, and we all know what the consequences would be. I do find it quite difficult to keep up pretense when my family members discuss the church and “how well it’s doing internationally” or “how wonderful the ideal org will be”. The truth is in blog posts like this one.
Under different circumstances I could have ended up like one of those CMO Execs, just fully indoctrinated with no perspective of the outside world. I do feel bad for those that go down the rabbit hole at such a young age, guided (or pushed) there by the adults around them. A child or adolescent joining the sea org is seen as a good or great thing by the adult scientologists who, if they weren’t so indoctrinated themselves and still had a reasonable perspective without thinking that “the church is all important and will save the planet yadda yadda yadda”, would otherwise be very disturbed by seeing a young life being thrown away.
I would’ve said: Nein, Nein, ich sprect kein Deutch!
“100% certainty with zero experience or awareness.” That was El Con’s modus operandi with CoS management. Appoint children to the highest management echelon (C.M.O.) who would then blindly, but with 100% certainty, follow his insane and often times, criminal orders. Davie pushed that down the org board to posting children MAA’s at the service org’s. That’s when PUBLIC started noticing that insanity. But, it was there since the 1960’s.
Yo Dave. You are SO done.
Mark McKinstry: “For the last time, No, I am not a German spy… boy this is really getting to me; can I have a cigarette please?”
Young punk MAA hands him a cigarette and lights it for him.
Mark: “Danke schorn”
MAA: “HCO! Bring Order! To the Hole with him at once!”
I speak a bit of German. I understood your comment totally and it made me laugh. Thanks. PS I’m not a German spy.
Andy, I am a never-in thank you for writing this story. This retelling of painful experiences in your dealings with RCS is a very interesting. That you open your heart and soul to tell it is icing on the cake. I wish you well in all your endeavors you are an Honorable man.
Mike, thanks for giving Andy a forum to publish his story which I think is a worthy tale for anyone who wants to understand the RCS mind-trap.
Andy’s story just goes to show again that the majority of everyday Scientologists are really good people. For those still under the draconian control of David Miscavige. I hope the upcoming HBO film, “Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief” brings more under the radar fence sitters out into the World again.
Me too….
With a bit of luck, the public interest will latch onto the coercive group control mechanisms and how it’s the mind-fuck that makes a cult unacceptable (rather than any religious veneer that makes them somehow sort of OK and definitely worthy of being protected by the law).
The coercive techniques used are deeds, not creeds, and they’re wrong regardless of what the group claims in public.
Rick Ross’ “Cults Inside Out: How People Get In and Can Get Out” starts with a thorough recounting of how several cults went horribly wrong and the research into coercive groups that these earlier events spurred. Let’s hope that work like “Going Clear” will spur an interest in the coercive techniques used by the Co$ (and allow us all to move along on the arch of topics from “Look – Tom Cruise” through “LOL – Xenu!” onto something that actually matters and actually addresses the harmful effects of cults).
And “Going Clear” is only possible because of the people speaking out (and otherwise contributing), so thanks to them!
Wow. I have in the past heard Scientology’s procedures referred to a Kafkaesque, but your story brought that home more than anything else I’ve read. So glad you’re out and able to put that behind you!
An excellent account Andy. I hope as many “still-ins” as possible get the chance to read it. As a “never-in” it reminded me of Arthur Koestler’s novel Darkness At Noon.
If Flag is all about getting people up to a point of awareness of what’s really right and wrong then it’s doing a grand job. Maybe it’s actually doing its job as “the Mecca” as so many people I know – including me actually – have done their stuff at Flag and said “that’s it – I’m done” and left the mind control behind forever. The full and correct “EP” actually. Walk out and don’t look back.
Andy – I’m sure we’ve met. I thank you for a fascinating write-up and share the sentiments of others here who are at various stages of “decompression or whatever you want to call it. Congratulations and well done for doing the right thing.
…and one glorious day, Ron will return to Earth, and he will gather up all of us who left the Church, and he will tell us that we have passed the test and that we are the Chosen ones…
Well…. I’m WAITING!!!!!
Maybe we did meet? I hope to make it over to your side of the pond again sometime.
He actually did say that somewhere in a Bulletin or Policy Letter… something to the effect – if at any time buildings and bake sales become more important than auditing, please, for God’s sake, someone stand up against the whole thing.
Loved you writing. I totally got it.
Yes… I love that EP – “that’s it – I’m done”… and left mind control behind forever. Thats the full and correct “EP”…. love that!!
What a great story, Andy. Certainly been there for the same. I had gotten on OT7 in 1992. Then, of course, there was a new version announced in 1996. At first it was “suggested” you came back to Flag to do the new course. I was pretty happy with my solo auditing, so I didn’t go back. Then – it became “mandatory.” I was threatened with all kinds of ethics actions if I didn’t do the new stuff.
I finally was told to stop auditing and that I couldn’t continue unless I came back and did the new. So, I stopped. 1.5 years later, some people talked me into going back. It took me 8 months and more than $80,000 to get back on to OT7.
I had about 100 hours of sec checks. Normally, I was okay with sec checks, but this one was particularly onerous. I had many sessions that would go south with a particular auditor. Each one took about 3 hours to dig me out. I would refer to them as gruel’s.
It is quite embarrassing when I think about some of the abuse I took. Like I’ve said before, I actually loved auditing on OT7 – but the abuse you take in the church is insane.
So, I really do understand your story and really appreciate your presenting it here.
And your photos are fantastic!
Thank you, You are one Tough Hombre, my friend
That’s right, since that interview the fear has gone. Very nice.
Thanks for this eloquent description of the Flag experience, Andy. It’s the best I’ve seen.
Hey DM, (Is it okay if I call you that??? 🙂 Thank you!!!
Perfectly ok 😀 It is a double entendre.
Stunning pictures.
There are stars in the sky? (says the city person)
Wow! Tears to my eyes from what you went through, to your freedom. I could relate only on a much smaller scale and I am happy that I didn’t go as far or as through so much as you have. Your story is so honest and revealing and it will help others know they are not alone. Thank you so very, very much.
Your photographs are really fantastic!
Thank you very much. We all went through too much. I know I’m on the right track as a writer when I get teary typing!
Andy
Thanks for sharing your experience.
Part of Miscavige’s plan to destroy Scientology in the name of saving it was to basically jettison anyone with any real experience with the subject or a track record with living. Case in point is the hole.
His model GAT auditor or CMO messenger are as you describe, essentially programmed to do Miscavige’s bidding and follow his policy. I haven’t noticed the Data Series being promoted in some time for good reason. The expansion of Scientology was on the backs of people who went out and did things, broke some rules, but created huge effects. The Mission Holders who were expanding the subject would complain that the more that they did and bigger they made their organizations, the more they would get attacked and targeted from within. Miscavige basically eliminated the majority of the Mission Holders and with that Mission network and expansion.
The new Ideal Scientologist, is as you describe, someone with no crimes and no experience of production to speak of.
As you state, it is so nice not to have to be party to this anymore.
Best of luck to you with your photographic endeavors.
Best,
Mark McKinstry
Yo Mark!! Thank you, my friend!
I am glad you shared this publicly, Andy! You should share some of your other stories as well, you are an excellent writer.
Thank you Gene, I will!
‘Flag, the epitome of $cientology technical perfection’. Thank you Andy, all these stories need to be told. $cientology is all about mind control. And money, it is always about the money.
You had me at “the Ethics Officer was a teenager…” 🙂
Yes. A teenager who had joined the Sea Org at a very young age and had no empathy or sympathy. Yikes. Hitler youth.
Andy, each part of your story resonated with me. I was just telling my husband earlier today (before reading your story) that I realized that the Church had closed terminals with Psychiatry; that the Church had resisted it and fought psychiatry for so long that they had become that which they fought and resisted. The Church, through its sec checking and “ethics handlings” belittle, invalidate and introvert to control people. It has nothing to do with the aims of Scientology as stated by Hubbard.
We all have choices to make and in the end, and as a Scientologist, you either: wake up, speak out or get out, or you become trapped in the prison of belief,
When I read the end of your story, I cried. They were tears of joy. You state that you had a lingering fear of reprisal since you walked quietly away and that they (the church) would strike back at you. After you cut your last ties to the church and then watched the interview with those who made the HBO film Going Clear you realized there was nothing left for you to fear. “Something clicked, some charge blew, some held down 7 was erased and I finally felt free.”
I was one of the 8 Scientologists interviewed in the film who told their story. Before I spoke out, I feared that my daughter, who had disconnected when I was declared (July 2013), might not ever forgive me. But, I knew I had to do what was right and speak out like others before me had done. I did it so that others still in the church might be emboldened to speak out, stand up to the church and say “no more.” I had a lot to loose from the moment I refused to disconnect from my son and faced loosing my daughter and grand-daughter. It was not easy for me but I had to do what was right. Loosing my integrity was worse, as I knew if I lost my integrity and didn’t do what was right, I’d lost my eternity.
In the end, each person still in the church has a choice. They can wake-up, speak up and refuse to agree and be a part of the abusive practices, or they can continue to not look or question out of fear, compromise their own beliefs and live quietly in the prison of belief. I hope others will read your story and realize each one of us can make a difference by saying “NO MORE” to the abuses of the Church of Scientology. Confront one’s fears and be truly free, or be controlled by others through fear, and thus loose one’s integrity and freedom to think and believe as he pleases. Thank you Andy for speaking out.
Hi Sara!!!! You are one of my Heros, I read your story and saw you on TV. I cried several times. You (and your husbands) bravery are legendary now. You set the bar, threw down the gauntlet and paved the way for many of us to stand up and say, We’re not going to take it anymore.
I have been wanting to write this story for some time, It percolated. It marinated, and finally, made it out of me. It’s not easy, to separate oneself from the bullshit.
I hope to meet you one day!
Hi Andy!!! Thank you so much. Each time one of us stands up to the oppressive orders, policies and dictates of the church, it makes it easier for the next one to stand up and say “NO MORE, I’m not going to take this any more or agree with this any more.” I’m so very glad you did finally make it out all the way and told your story. I do hope we can meet one day soon. Mike can give you my email address. I’d love to stay in touch. My best to you on your new journey. Love the photography too!
Sara, you and Andy are my heroes, as well as every other person who has come out and spoken out against the abuses by the cult. In the end all you have is your integrity and if you’ve lost that, you’ve lost everything.
Thank you Cindy. Your words: “In the end all you have is your integrity and if you’ve lost that, you’ve lost everything.” So true, so very true. As a Scientologist I was afraid of loosing my eternity, as many Scientologists are, that is one of the things that keeps them from walking away. But what I finally realized is that if I let go my integrity, then I’ve already lost my eternity.
Sara,
“In the end, each person still in the church has a choice. They can wake-up, speak up and refuse to agree and be a part of the abusive practices, or they can continue to not look or question out of fear, compromise their own beliefs and live quietly in the prison of belief. ”
Eloquently stated. You and Shel made an immensely tough choice and have continued to stick by your convictions. You have my deepest admiration and sincere hope that your daughter will someday be able to break free as well.
Thank you so much Valerie.
Thank you again Sara. That is my new mantra as well. “Speak Out!” This shit would stop over night if people IN, OUT, UTR spoke out and said enough. It’s time.
We are on the same page McCarran. We need more people speaking out. But also, we need more people speaking up and telling the MAA’s, OSA, David Miscavage and whomever else “NO MORE.” Tell them that you are no longer going to to go in debt and spend thousands of dollars you don’t have getting sec checked; NO MORE are you going to disconnect from your Mother, brother, sister and friends. Tell them NO MORE to not being able to read what you want to read or say what is on your mind. If enough people just got the guts and overcame their fear enough to speak up and said “NO MORE” this reign of tyranny by DM and his sycophants would end. Thank you McCarran for standing up to the MAA’s and OSA and saying “No More.”
Sara, I look forward to hearing your story in Going Clear. I’m sorry that you had experiences that warranted your inclusion.
I want to take up a comment you make in your opening paragraph about scientology closing terminals and becoming like psychiatry in its abuses of others. I’m wondering if you’ve investigated the practices of psychiatry outside the confines of scientology? Psychiatry is indeed a coercive system with great power to make decisions impacting on others lives and I fully endorse the right of others to question the use of coercive practices in whatever field it might be, including psychiatry. This is what democracy is all about. As a result of its coercive powers though, the practice of psychiatry and psychology is bound by legislation that allows independent public scrutiny and genuine rights to those receiving treatment. Scientologists would benefit greatly if indeed it were like psychiatry in this regard because pound for pound, scientology is a far more oppressive system than psychiatry. Andys moving story has just convinced me of this.
Other differences between the two that I see are that psychiatry and psychology recognise the importance of the privacy of ones own thoughts and rely on developing a trusting and respectful relationship with each person in order for them to feel safe and comfortable enough to disclose issues of genuine concern. When this occurs psychologists listen hard and try to understand what the person might be thinking and feeling so that a line of inquiry unique to that individual can be followed to develop an individualised treatment. Scientology relies on a galvanic skin skin response machine whose needle-swings operators believe in preference to what the person in front of them is saying. At Chatauqua I heard Sylvia Stanard say if you think the problem is your father and the needle doesn’t swing well then the problem is not really your father. I couldn’t believe my ears. Scientology appeared to say publicly that it ignores what its own adherents think is the problem. It seems to me that in scientology everybody is asked exactly the same repetitive lists of closed questions, which is the equivalent of going to a doctor and being asked ‘does this hurt’ while he pokes each and every square inch of your body. Far easier to just say ‘tell me where it hurts’ which is what psychologists do.
My point, I guess, is that like a lot of information propagated by scientology, when you look closer at the practice of mental health care the reality is very different to what you’ve been told. By all means hold psychiatry up to close scrutiny forever and make it accountable for bad decisions, but don’t assume that everything inside the system is rotten and dangerous because that is false data.
Thank you SilentMajority. As for your question on whether I have investigated psychiatry outside the confines of Scientology and the answer is “yes” I have. I have a B.A. degree in Criminology and studied psychology extensively. I watched first hand as I worked in the justice system and in half way houses both administratively and as a counselor. I saw psychiatry’s failure. This was before I ever knew the word Scientology. So, my view of psychiatry was not formed in the church. Since being out of Scientology I have had several friends tell me how much psychologists and therapists helped them, and I believe them. There are good psychologists and therapists out there who do care and who do help people. I also know that there are and were many good auditors in Scientology. I know because I was helped by Scientology auditing and I saw others helped. There are people in both fields who have not always had the best of intentions and/or who have hurt people with their methods instead of helping them. However, be assured that I do not assume that everything inside the system is rotten and dangerous. I know it is not.
I speak out against the abuses I see in Scientology and in other fields. The one abuse, closest to me right now, is the practice of “disconnection” within the CofS. There are too many families torn apart and I don’t want this to happen to any more families. It is time to stop this insanity, bring families back together and heal relationships.
I have to say that as a never-in this article, far from being tedious, was incredibly moving and powerful. You see, as I’ve been wrestling with for the last 12 years, my obsession with Scientology, Hubbard and mind-control stems from living 13 years with a now ex-partner who has Borderline Personality Disorder. This author just viscerally described my life in those years. I was slowly convinced that I was bad and wrong. I was grilled almost weekly, sometimes nightly. There were times when I would beg him not to break up with me, “I’ll do anything, I’ll be better, just let me stay.” On the contrary, this article was instrumental in my own journey out of the prison of belief. My own journey to freedom, whatever that is.
Wow… that makes my day! Happy to hear from you, R2!
Re: “Andy Porter Speaks”
COB is Salvation
Purgatory has become an important place in the holy religion of Scientology Inc. (“SI”). In its efforts to become accepted as a Church, SI practices ruthlessly the works of David Miscavige, Chairman of the Board (“COB”). SI plays an essential part in the salvation of their public: the preclear, the Clear and the Operating Thetan (“OT”).
The Holy Church of COB is made up of three parts: COB Militant, COB Triumphant, and COB Suffering, or Purgatory. This triple COB makes up the mystical body of SI. In the Gospel according to COB, SI is the Kingdom of COB; Purgatory, just as the terrestrial SI, is a province of COB’s vast kingdom.
The three sister COBs are in continual communication with each other called the Communion of COB. Those incessant relations have but one object in mind: to conduct SI’s public to eternal glory. The three COBs support peopling COB’s Heaven, that permanent city: Flag, Mecca of COB Perfection.
COB has a duty to his public in Purgatory; he has to alleviate their suffering. At Flag, admission to OTVII includes a devotion to those souls in Purgatory: COB’s Prayer for the Dead.
COB’s devotion to those in Purgatory is his wholesome and holy thought, that they may be loosed from sin.
COB is Sanctity itself, and sin cannot endure before COB. When sin manifests itself in COB’s public, the Sanctity of COB exacts expiation. Expiation is made through the rigor of the Security Check (“Sec Check”), and it is terrible. COB’s Scripture says that Sec Checks must be terrible, because COB’s Sanctity is infinite.
The Justice of COB is terrible; it punishes with rigor even the smallest transgression. The least transgression displeases COB infinitely; when COB’s Sanctity is offended, even the smallest sin assumes tremendous proportions, and demands tremendous atonement.
All Praise be to COB.
Originally Posted:
JennyAtLAX
https://jennyatlax.wordpress.com/2015/03/07/cob-is-salvation/
Yo Dave, Mr. Big Bad himself, the one and only Operating Satan of the nether regions has a special place waiting for you – your very own private cell in solitary confinement with unbreakable mirrors where you can sermonize to yourself for eternity.
Hi Andy and welcome out. I am relieved for you that your suffering is over, just as I was when my own ended too. After I finished OTV, or actually towards the end of it, I knew that I was done with OT Levels, Sec-checking, FPRD, all of that. I knew in my heart and mind that in regards to “that side of the Bridge” I was probably an apostate but this was very difficult for me to reconcile.
Just like you, I thought I was wrong, aberrated, possibly evil. I still went to Flag and the experience was so emotionally and psychologically horrendous that I knew I would never do OT VII but had yet submitted myself to a long progress program (that I felt was unnecessary), which used up all 8 intensives that I had on account. I found out later through a Flag auditor who left, named Ronit, (who also spoke out here), that this is done on purpose, along with sec-checking to use up people’s money on account for Stats & Cash. What betrayal. A sliver lining; that progress program sealed my ‘knowingness’ that I should not continue with OT7, and that I would not be helping myself if I did. Quite the reverse. Flag is a nightmare, and a very unfriendly place.
You don’t need to be embarrassed about whatever you may have done in Scientology here. In fact, I have always said that I admire people who get on to OT7 or 8, or least run the gauntlet trying to get on the level like you did. You are a lot stronger and have more guts than I had.
Best wishes to you for happiness and success in the future. I love your photography too!
Thank you Pepper!!! 🙂 xoxo
As a never-in I definitely find this story interesting.
Mike,
Actually, this never-in got a lot from Andy’s story. It is really hard to understand from the outside what keeps people “in” because we have no referents. Andy’s story was the best explanation of what it is like that I’ve ever read.
Andy,
Thanks for sharing this with us. It gave me a solid feel for what “The Prison of Belief” is really like.
Wayne
Hi Wayne, Thanks! I am glad it made sense and was not too tedious…
It wasn’t the least bit tedious. Instead it was totally fascinating.
Wayne
Reading this has opened my eyes to something: being a public Scientologist is every bit as bad as being an Int Base staff member. Thanks for enlightening me, Andy, with your story and gorgeous photos!
By the way, nowhere does it ever say that one actually has to write up one’s conditions formulas. Just one more perverted arbitrary in an ethics system riddled with them.
Hi Dan! Well, I don’t know…gotta say that being in the base doesn’t sound like a picnic either! I thank god I took all that LSD or I would have been in there with y’all!
It’s definitely very abusive. Maybe just not for as long. I know I still suffer from that mental torment, however. So, I guess the difference is the same
I took LSD and it didn’t prevent me from joining the Sea Org. Just glad I’m no longer a part of that fake Navy.
Thanks Mike for posting this and for Andy to share his exit journey.
Is this Andy Porter, the Andy Porter who I believe was at one time a security guard at the FLB? But perhaps I am mixing up names. Also I think at one time at WUS CLO office?
In any case, Andy — your photographs are spectacular. I know that part of Washington State as at one time owned property on the Olympic Peninsula.
Here’s my “advice”
The easiest way OUT of scientology is just go crazy.
SINCE being IN scientology post 1980 you ARE crazy and know it, why not just voice your thoughts? Just start acting how you feel. Squashed. Suppressed. Crazier than bat-sh**, semi-violent, betrayed. Suicidal.
Just voice those thoughts and bam — you are gone faster than a NY minute.
AND you won’t be declared because scientology doesn’t declare crazy people. They just don’t let them on the premises 🙂 —- which is SUCH a relief.
Oh — and many “still ins” won’t talk to you, hire you and associate with you IN CASE CRAZY is contagious.
Moreover, scientologists from ALL time are THE most status oriented people I’ve ever met (myself included sadly for YEARS) (just look at those darn statues they STILL give out) and IF you have gone UP the “bridge” and then flipped out, EVEN IF you were held in GREAT ESTEEM at one point (cause you had MONEY to spare etc) … those same “still ins” will avoid you, pretend to not EVER have known you and just erase you from their vision, their iPhones, FB everything. You will become a NON-PERSON.
BUT — glad for you Andy — however you got out, you did. You have a life. A partner and a child. A career. Earning a living. Sharing your beautiful works of art.
And that is what life IS about.
Love.
Windhorse
Christine — I think you are thinking of Jeff Porter. Absolutely no relation 🙂
YUP — Jeff Porter …
When you are an A=A=A person (such as me) all last names = the first name = former SO members = oh … you get it 🙂
BTW — great job(s) on the interviews — am hoping Going Clear is still in the theaters next few weeks as I’ll be traveling and able to see it before the HBO showing
Errr … Mike … windhorse preferably
Hey Windhorse! Thank you for your kind words. Yes, that is a sure-fire way out: just say that you had a thought of suicide and you’ll be on the street fast!
No, I tried that. Didn’t work; they were onto me.
Answering McCarran (no reply link)
Well, the trick is, McCarran, you have to MEAN it … as in … 🙂
Not just use it as a way out but as a PERMANENT way out.
A bit too horrific I must say … and I’m happy that I pulled myself back from the brink 🙂
The difficulty is the re-piecing together of your mind once it has cracked open. That can take a very long time.
Possibly a life time.
Scientology fails because it cannot heal the traumas PRE-Scientology. The PTSD from fighting a war, the abuse from neglectful parents, the abuse from sexual predators, ad nauseum.
It CAN and does BY-PASS all of that and enables one to LEAP into a form of spiritual by-passing wherein you become 1) empowered 2) high producer 3) able to excel in various areas etc. and if you are intelligent you can and will rise to the top of the Scientology/Sea Org game.
As a real example of someone who has completely “spiritually by-passed his own trauma” think Tom Cruise who was abandoned by his alcoholic father at a young age, raised by a working mother along with his three sisters. Although divorce wasn’t unheard of by the time his parents divorced it still wasn’t the norm.
THEN TC arrives in SCN – through a mission in the valley. Brought by his first wife Mimi Rogers – a woman who had become a class VIII auditor when she was 16 but had been off lines for years. Her father having been declared years earlier was splintering from Scientology and it’s crazy executives.
HOWEVER, TC was getting famous and she wanted to keep him on somewhat of a leash. This mission was owned by a former SO member (who was smart enough to get the hell OFF the Apollo fast) , another long time scientologist and Reed Slakin.
TC did NOT start at Celebrity Center Int but was brought there by the mission holder who had been sec checked into oblivion for even THINKING she could have a celebrity such as Tom on her lines. “Celebrities” were the PROPERTY of Celebrity Center. It was at Celebrity Center where he was given special treatment, a special entrance etc.
At the mission — it was low key. It was rumored in the outer world that TC was in … but a rumor.
Scientology cannot do ANYTHING that the person himself/herself with the right direction/tools/books/care/love/therapy can do.
It is ALWAYS the willingness of the person to heal that heals.
Sometimes that willingness takes a long long time to come back AFTER the maiming in the hands of a cult …
Sorry for the long rant but today I’m doing nothing but just relaxing — and sorting through my own rather “fifty-two card pick-up” time track. Especially of the past 4 years. Amazing what I’ve forgotten.
Glad I write stuff down.
Windhorse
Yes, Scientology became a nightmare world years ago. Particularly bad in the SO. I endured I don’t know how many metered ethics interviews that went on for hours and hours at times, with my having little to no sleep, and in the end having to invent some BS “crime” to get off the cans. Finally, one day I just decided I had had enough. It was the decision that made all the difference. I told the powers that be that I was done, and went through my route out on my terms. The only power they really had over me was the power I let them have over me. Once I decided I was in control of my life, not them, it was easy then. I simply would do nothing I did not want to do, and do only what I wanted to do, during the route out. Make the decision. Take away the power you have given them.
Yes! I read an article by Jeff Hawkins recently, He had a quote about Mind Control, explaining that it does NOT mean that someone controls your mind, but that we get you to control your OWN mind as we proscribe. I am happy you escaped!
It’s that simple! And nice work 🙂
It could be that the quote from Jefferson Hawkins that Andy is referring to is this one (from “Closing Minds: How Scientology’s “Ethics Technology” is Used to Control Their Members”):
“As Orwell pointed out in his novel 1984, “mind control” is not someone else controlling your mind, like a robot. True mind control is the person controlling his or her own mind according to the dictates of the group. This is done using thought-stopping mechanisms. Orwell uses the term “crimestop” to describe this. Crimestop means the faculty of stopping short, as though by instinct, at the threshold of any dangerous thought”
I can assure you this never-in is going to eat his story up like candy. I’ve only read the first paragraph and made that decision! I love these stories! I’ve never heard one that didn’t enthrall me. Okay, I hope everybody will have a good Saturday. I’ve got some reading to do, starting right now.
Perfectly told. I could put myself in every sentence you wrote (well, almost, I didn’t make quite the “contribution” you did traveling to Russia and being on staff). OT VII has a bookend with an equal mindfuck at the other end when finishing. Delights me you were smart enough to avoid that one.
In the end, it delights me to see your handsome, smiling face in such gorgeous scenery and the beautiful photographic work you are creating. Wishing you much happiness.
Thank you, Yvonne! Wishes of Happiness to you, too, my friend!
Bless you Andy. Heartfelt celebration for your successes in life and for landing on your feet and for your most recent healing from the PTSD of Scientology. Please be confident that these most recent revelations will last and that you won’t fall for ideologies that do your thinking for you anymore! Peace.:-)
Thanks, Chris. Yes, that is one of the gains I did get out of Scientology: I do my thinking for myself! Upward and onward!
“Way down deep at the base of my awareness I know that I am miserable and unhappy because of my current “therapy” but I cannot entertain such thoughts. My indoctrination kicks in: Any and all unhappiness I feel is my own fault. And any idea that my suffering is in any way caused by the Church only proves how utterly aberrated I really am.
“These feelings of misery are suppressed so fast that I hardly notice.”
Andy, you have expressed in eloquent terms my final 5 years inside this “church.” Thanks for writing your story. It is only people like you that I feel truly understand how we got into that mess and the journey out.
I personally will never be fully out until my son and others I care about are out and when this “church” can no longer do this to anyone else.
Congratulations, Andy, on your stunning photographs. Congratulations on creating a such beautiful new life.
McCarran,
Thank you.
It is really unbelievable to me that I got so locked in…
One thing that’s interesting to me is that now I see cults everywhere! Political cults, economic cults: where one is told what to think, act against ones own best interests and attack anyone trying to free you from it!
You have my best wishes and postulates that you’ll be able to get your loved ones out and reunite…soon!
Thank you, Andy.
And I agree with what you said about “I see cults everywhere.” LOL
I see so many instances where people believe something or someone without inspection or without trying to get the facts for themselves.
Great story Andy! This also really highlights for me, why higher education was frowned on by El Roy & Co. Extortion for Indulgences is a VERY old religions racket. As soon as I saw it happening I recognized the scam he was running and wouldn’t play/pay. SO glad you are out. And Mike R. real kudos for helping people “see the light” and leave.
+100.
Completely wonderful article, Andy! It is a very valuable commentary on Flag and the “church”. You make numerous important points very, very clearly.
I hope you get to do OT7. There are several in-tech places delivering it in the independent field, The Dror Mission in Israel is one of the best. I myself am now auditing on SNOTs outside the “@?!!@..arghh!…church” after auditing on it for multiple thousands of hours via Flag. It is going far, far better now outside the church than it ever did when I was in.
I’m a never in and found your story fascinating Andy. Thank you for taking the time to tell it. And your photography work is beautiful. Mike continues to bring amazing stories to light.
Than ks, Stephanie! 🙂
Hi Andy…your totally spot on with your narrative on getting on OT VII via the “wall of bs sec checking”; as this is the biggest mind fuck or gerbil running wheel ever created!!!!!…hang on then the next mind fuck is its average cost to complete:
– $7500/intensive plus – plus a fucking ‘pledge intensive’ (what utter arrogance!!!)
– 6months CS/ing fee at $3200 plus
– 2-3 weeks accommodations at Flag Airfare ($4000.00) every 6 months (god forbid if you lived in Sth Africa or Australia);
– approx $30K per year
X 3-6 years to finish =
– approx. $200K.
So all in all prob like $250K average cost with the setup shit you went thru.
Most expensive spiritual level in history. If they told anyone upfront the cost etc etc no one would start it and when the word got around of the OT VII bs runway alot of the OT V’s “stayed home” as they were broke and too drained spiritually to go thru all that nonsense.
In 1988 I finished OT VII and before I spent another $30K for OT VIII and OT IX (the Regs had a Scn whale who was willing to give you a loan for the $30K for 16% – 22% interest per year to go onto the Freewinds for OT VIII); but I flushed that idea down the toilet.
So when I was doing OT VIII preps at Flag at that same time I realized that this was all wrong and more bs with OT VII handling in session AGAIN!!!!; so I told my auditor Rick Sheehy that i’m done with the preps and wanted to re route back int OT VII, which I did despite the constant Qual evaluating that I was “C/Sing my own case”; in fact I was bypassing the entire tech lines; and was told to “not tell anyone”. Not too long after that as you may have not known is that all OT VII’s and OT VIII’s who completed OT VII were ordered back onto OT VII. Since I was a Class IV Auditor and paid for the level in 1982 I avoided the CS/fee shit but those who were paying these fees above had to pay that all over again. NOW THAT IS THE ULTIMATE MIND FUCK!!!
Glad your out and free again!!!!
Thank you, Joe! Same to you!!!!!
Beautiful photos 🙂
The “sec checks” wouldn’t be necessary if any of the OT stuff actually did what is claimed, IMHO. It’s all part of the “if it doesn’t work for you it’s because you’re doing it wrong” aspect of the mind-fuck perpetrated by the criminal organisation known as the “church” of $cientology.
Meanwhile, another ex-victim wrote a long story about successfully bending their minds to fit in the criminal organisation known as the “church” of $cientology and ultimately failing, but not before having been an unpleasant person for quite a while… (previously posted on ESMB, now on the author’s own blog) : http://mbnest.blogspot.fr/2015/02/a-million-years-in-hell.html
The process of sec checking people to see if they are eligible is simply intended to squash, make smaller and make uncertain about reaching!
What an amazing story! And in the end it was ALL about money: buying MORE hours of “necessary” auditing and sec-checking so that he could spend MORE money going farther up the bridge…possibly ending the sec-checking by making a donation…(and the thought of some teenager sitting there and judging him was revolting)…the idea that it was a crime for the Russians to have taped his lectures and sold them because that was MONEY that Co$ wasn’t getting. Really, just all about money.
Thanks for telling it, Andy. And have a great rest of your life!
Many Thanks, Betsy! xoxoxoxo!
You’re wrong, Mike. As a never-in, I found this story one of the most interesting, “BEST EVERs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (To speak in scilon lingo)
Andy’s descriptions of his motivations & feelings & the mechanics of going through a sec check have given me a much greater understanding of the mind-f___. Hopefully, this will help me to help some of my family should they ever get out.
Thanks Mike & Andy.
Most happy to be mistaken 🙂
Hey Rockman! I debated on how to write part of the story: should I add detailed definitions and explanations of the whole thing? And then on advice from Mike I left it as is. I am happy to hear that my descriptions of what it was like made sense. One Best Ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I can relax because my stats are up!
Here’s one more Best Ever!!!!!! from a never in. Are you in Power now? ; )
Another never-in (although they probably still have a personality test file on me). Thank God I said no to them fixing my communication problems that everyone who did the test was revealed to have, Andy I found your story incredibly fascinating and another example of the absolute madness (and greed) of this scam religion. It was also instructive to read the declaration by the International Injustice Chief Ellis on Tony-O’s blog a couple of days ago. I bet he perjured himself several times. But he also revealed the madness of his enforcement of the stonewalling that goes on to prevent the dissatisfied cllients such as the Garcias getting recognition for being ripped off. I hope hundreds of people file a class action lawsuit to get their money back for failure of the COS to produce the results they seem to claim to people that get caught up in its evil web. I can see why Ellis’s tutor, the Dear Misleader doesn’t want to be testify. He is so arrogant he would make an ass of himself.
Hey Tony, Thanks, glad it was an easy and interesting read. Hopefully when the movie comes out there will be enough pressure brought to bear that there is serious change.
Dear Ms.B. Haven:
I recently celebrated a very high number birthday. Thus, I can tell you, with great honesty and openness, that no adult human being has ever gone without being duped. It’s part of learning, part of living.
There really is no shame in having it happen. You simply trusted someone who was very good at hiding the fact that s/he was not to be trusted. Big deal.
And your willingness to share the lesson, as Andy has, means that a number of other beings may be able to avoid being duped by scn in the future. So take whatever wins you had while in, recognize that they were/are YOUR wins – they belong neither to the auditor, the C/S, the DofP…nor LRH…they belong ONLY to you. You were the one who looked into yourself and found goodness, wisdom and the desire to have others get those kinds of wins, too.
We just know now that scn is not the place where they can any longer be found. Again, big deal.
Onward and upward! – TGM
Lest we forget, some folks do not survive the “Flag Experience.” Dr Denk didn’t. On his last trip to Flag in 2003 for his 6 month check, he called me at home in Los Angeles. This was unusual as he rarely called me from Flag. He said they wanted to assign him a lower condition and he refused to accept the condition. I said, “Sweetie, just tell them about your contributions, tell them how you hold down a lot of confusions, and how you are pretty good on security. That should handle it.” The subject never came up again that I recall. However, 6 months later, it was time for another 6 month check and Dr Denk didn’t want to return to Flag. He was then diagnosed with cancer and told me, “See, I told you I didn’t want to go to Flag.” To make a long story short, Dr Denk passed November 5, 2004, without returning to Flag.
Thank you, Andy, for relating your story. I laughed at the outpoints and, of course, cried.
Hello, Fellow Washingtonian!
There are probably many who didn’t survive the experience, many more than we know of. The way they treated Gene was despicable. On paper the ethics codes say that ethics is meted out in relation to production or value of the person. But in reality nothing you have done or contributed counts. Only more money and groveling mean anything.
I will be out your way next month, on a Palouse Trip, we need to meet!
I’d love to meet up with you when you are in my area. I hope Mike will hook us up, with my permission, of course.
🙁 Thank you for your tale, Widow. Dr Denk was my doctor over 30 years ago and I liked him as a person.
Thanks McCarran. Dr Denk was your doctor thirty years ago? He might have still been a bit green behind the ears way back then. But not nearly as green as when he first got his doctor equipment in 1974 or so and had to practice on me, the kids, and even Mickey the dog.
Only an idiot would try to assign a lower condition to Dr. Denk. But Flag is full of them.
I used to wonder why so many people I knew on Solo NOTS demonstrated extreme BPC. Now I know at least one of the reasons.
Yes, Simple. A wrong condition assignment is very hard on a person. Dr Denk was not a happy camper when he called me from Flag. That’s why I said: “Sweetie, just tell them about your contributions, tell them how you hold down a lot of confusions, and how you are pretty good on security. That should handle it.” A light touch, right?
There are so many scientologists that die from cancer–has anyone ever studied the relationship to the hours on the e-meter and this disease? I asked about it once and I was immediately told that there is no more electricity going through my body with the emeter than a cell phone. Somehow I just don’t believe it.
Doubt there is any correlation. But on the other hand, the idea that medical treatment is only a very last resort (handle PTSNess and unhandled case first) results in people not being treated when they should be. Early detection is key to dealing with many forms of cancer.
Being under so much stress creates dis-ease in a body, long terms of stress create life threatening disease. The action of sec checking actually creates case. For a really good explanation of the mind\brain\body\soul connection see Dr Joe Dispenza ‘s books.
As a Doctor of Naturopathy I have a theory on BT auditing. The body is made up of trillions of bacterial cells, they help keep the body genome in balance. They have a life force and energy also. Since I believe the BT thing to be HS I believe this the energy you are auditing in the upper left levels. And when the chemistry of the body gets out of balance along with the heightened stress states you have a recipe for disaster.
Thank you Andy for the superb write up. We’ll done. Best to you and yours.
Or the asbestos on the ship?
The amount of current is indeed small, and goes through the skin (trivial example: solo auditing where both cans are held in one hand…).
On other other hand, extra stress, encouragement to smoke and less willingness to go see a doctor as Mike says (or in the case of Damnation Navy victims, the catch-all in-house “treatment” of vitamins until your fever goes away instead of seeing a doctor) will take away all the progress of medical science…
Curious how scientology can help you with whatever problems you have, when you are first recruited into the religion. And then, once they have you, all of your problems are your own fault and you have to make them go right!
That is what I call an in depth, detailed analysis of the covert, abusive, criminal methods invented by David Miscavige to extract every penny from his victims. Wow! Well done Andy.
Thanks, Alex.
+1
I love that this guy did this after watching a “going clear” interview… Many stories of current and former members will come about as a result of this film, I believe.
Cant wait to see it.
So, Mr. Rinder .. what can you do to piss off an evil cult tomorrow ? … LMAO .. nice job !
I do too. A lot more UTRs will be coming out of the closer. !!
Andy, welcome back to normalcy. And thank you for sharing your story. I hope your life from this point on is nothing less than fantastic! And I’m sure it will be just that. Leaving the Cult of Scientology is when the ‘wins’ really start. You now have your incredible life back for good. Well done, Andy, well done…
Hey OSD, Thanks! Though I need to confess that normalcy still seems to be a ways off…:) I am happy to be out in the sun!
As an Old Surfer Dude, I too, am happy to be out in the sun! Everyday, Andy, is going to get better and better for you. No question. Normalcy will come soon.
BTW, thanks for posting and PLEASE keep it up! Welcome to Mike’s Blog. You have a great support group here.
+1
Absolutely brilliant Andy! I laughed out very loud.
Thanks Mike! Congrats on the no smoking!!! 🙂
Long time reader, first time commentor, never in. I cannot tell you how absolutely pissed off and sad this makes me, and I’ve only read the first couple of paragraphs. Once the coffee has kicked in I will be back to read the rest.
Thank you so much Andy for taking the time to write in such detail your story. As much as I’ve read about scientology, and it’s a lot, this account really helps me to see the nightmare that you guys have been through. Your work is also amazing btw.
Been reading here a long time Mike, may I officially thank you for what you do.
Hello Ms. C! Good luck getting through all of that…it’s rather long. For me writing about these experiences helps to clear out the lingering feelings, and also the attitudes and patterns that I adopted when I was a part of it all. It is quite liberating!
Andy, this is not “long.” You took a snipet of a time in your scientology history and with poetry and heart summed up how a beautiful mind can get wrapped up in a slice of crazy.
Welcome Ms Cabbage! 🙂
Thanks for the welcome McCarran. Always enjoy your posts.
I finally finished the rest of Andy’s post and am just speechless. And that is saying a lot! May this reign of terror end soon.
I wish more Ex’s could write their stories (when ready, of course). Really really powerful stuff.
Andy’s artwork/photography is just beautiful. I especially am partial to one title “bridge and stars”. Poetic.
“Welcome to the world of the Upper Levels of Scientology!”
This story is not just about the upper levels, this happens at all levels. At least that is my experience. I hated “flying ruds”. What a waste of time and money. I hated “clearing words” of commands backwards. What a waste of time and money. There were just enough “wins” to keep going, but mostly what kept me in was fear. Once that was overcome, it was good-bye forever and freedom at last. Real freedom.
I was silent for a long time too and still am in many ways. It’s because of the embarrassment of being dupped. No one likes that.
Thanks for your story Andy. Good to see you are doing well these days.
Ms. B, I’d just like to say to you, and anyone else who may be hesitating on speaking out because of embarrassment. I can’t and wouldn’t tell anyone how they should feel, but I want you to know that most “never-ins” who are part of this movement know enough about it to understand what you went through and not look down on you for it. I can’t promise that no one will look at you that way, but I can say that the majority of people will just welcome you out.
None of us are perfect, and you certainly don’t have to have been in Co$ to know that, we have ALL done stupid shit that if we could go back and change we might. Let go of the embarrassment, learn from where you have been and start living a beautiful life where you’re free to be angry, sad, mad, happy, whatever.
Anyone who judges you or treats you different because of what you’ve been through is probably an insensitive a-hole anyway. Let those clowns roll off your shoulders. There are a lot of good people out here in the SP-Club and we give hugs for free. 😉
As a never-in and frequent reader of this blog, I would like to say that this is one of my favorite posts. Beautifully written in a way that resonates to all. I am so glad you, and others like you, have freed yourself from this prison of belief. May you live your life happy and free from fear!
Thank you for sharing your story Andy. Your photographs are beautiful.
Andy’s story contains a powerful message for those still-in: It isn’t you, it’s them. You aren’t wrong, they are. It is not your fault that you feel miserable.
Exactly. If you look at this realistically, it makes sense. Since there is no OT9 and above that will ever be delivered because it simply doesn’t exist, then wouldn’t it make sense to bilk as much money out of each pre-OT, making each one stay on OT7 as long as possible because once they get through OT8, they’re more likely to blow or fade off into the distance or die of cancer or by some other nefarious means.
Sindy,
I think attaining a stable OT VIII happens for anyone when the Truth is Revealed and an exit from the cult happens. My take on it is that there is definitely case gain! 🙂
OT IX is applying the wins and gains of OT VIII and helping others out of Dave and El Cons abiss. The tech on that is currently being refined and applied by solo individuals everywhere.
OT X will be achieved by all who have witnessed and helped with making the last embers of the smoking hulk of the cult, cold and black.
Yo Dave,
We are achieving our aims. You are helping us do something about it by being such an obvious dork. Thank you for that good buddy. Don’t forget to take in the show this Friday and btw, if you do attend, try and contain your enthusiasm ….. take your meds first!
test
Wow! Thank you for sharing this Andy! I so can relate. I never made it on the OT Levels, but I’ve been through the Sec Checking when I was fighting to keep my children from dropping out of school and joining the Sea Org! It was one of the worst things I ever went through!! Hours and hours of asking me “who does not want your daughter or son to join the Sea Org?” I continually said “no one it is me their mother!” That wasn’t good enough and it went on and on and on……. That is where my nightmare with my children began!
So happy your free now, Andy! ❤️
Please tell me your kids are NOT in the SO and safely at home with you…
🙁 I know that nightmare too, peaandpod.
Yes, sec-checking is like being tied down and bludgeoned. My best wishes for you and yours!
My wonderful auditor was a field auditor with her family…parents, sister, brother, and was recently married to a wonderful guy who worked for Narconon (probably still does.). Her father had been put through $100,000+ of sec checking at Flag and had $65,000 of Basics in his garage. One day he expressed concern out loud as to DM changing the tech. At that moment My auditor’s mother and younger sibling stopped talking to him and wrote up Knowledge Reports on him. Her new husband pretended her dad was not there as he walked through the family home. They kicked the 74 year old father out of his own house (which they inhabited) and never spoke to him again. My ex-auditor was hauled in and sec checked to the tune of $6,000 that she could NOT afford (it put her new house she had just bought for her and her new husband in jeopardy.). I have no idea where they are now… They haven’t spoken to their dad in years, they all had to purchase all-new emeters and re-do lots of things they had already done, plus, I can’t imagine that they have enough clients to actually pay the mortgages and business-running expenses on both houses. I’m not sure whether they feel any heartache over losing their father, who supported them with as much love and encouragement and money as he could over their lifetime.
That was enough for me to tell my Auditor that Scientology does not work. If it did work, their family above all families, would be prospering and thriving, in good communication and making lots of money. I hope she didn’t get sec checked for my comment to her. I can only imagine that she did. She is living Sophie’s Choice.
Great story Andy! It really resonated with me. You’ve now made it a certainty that I will never do OT 7 or anything else connected with this corrupt organization.
Cool! I have diverted someone from the Church…Now I REALLY qualify as a Suppressive Person! Woo-Hoo!
Yes indeed Andy, and I take it your current agenda does not include promoting Dianetics and Scientology in the former Soviet Union.
What a write up! You have expressed your emotions so that the reader can feel every doubt and panic you were subjected to. Thank you for your story Andy.
Bravo
Yea! YOu got someone else out! That is a true STAT.
Andy is your last name Porter or Alexander? That was a confusion for me.
You said, “Ron Hubbard once said in a lecture that you have to be careful in what you fight, because that which you resist you become, and then he adds: if you lose.
And so it goes: Scientology, with all of if its vaunted purposes for Freeing Beings and Creating a New Civilization has become what it resisted and is now in the business of trapping beings in a strait jacket of fear, mind control and despair.”
True. That is what happened. the church snapped in and became those they were fighting and lost to.
Thank you Andy for telling such an accurate story of life in the bubble at Flag. I was there then, having done the same mindfuck process and was auditing on OTVII. We probably quietly passed one another in the hallowed halls, I may have even read your liability or you mine.
Great job on your final writeup! Where do I sign? 🙂
Coop
🙂
Hey Coop! Thanks for the signature! Yes, we probably “silently” encountered one another.
Now that I have finally as-ised all that insanity, maybe I can go back to Florida sometime! I love the Keys!
Would love to meet you Andy. Come back to Clearwater. We on the outside here know how to show you a good time. It won’t start with a tour of the SP Bldg.
All of this insanity auditing/set-ups/sec-checking comes from “manic depressive schizophrenic psychotic sociopath COB” with whom I sometimes feel I share an agreement with him that he is like that. COB Spots someone doing well in the church with the tech and tells the dazed staff “Who is this guy? Check him out. Sec check him.” And instead of freeing BT’s you are “prying COB’s attention off of you by paying out of your pocket and other’s pockets for not needed actions. Over 100 hours of security checks to move on to OT VII? And there are others, many of them. I personally know of one person that was sec checked in the RPF for over 2,525 hours. That is over 1 year of daily security checking. That is a lot of sec checking. 🙂
I got 11 intensives on and 13 to get off and all the in-between mind fucking shit. Then there was the ship ….
Lawrence I know a public who’s last 44 intensives were sec checking. His eyes are gone now but he is still in; a david miscavige success story. Also, after listening to Matt Pesch interview with JAugustine, I know why it took me (a cadillac pc :)) so long.
Interviewer: Do you believe Scientology works?
DM: The fuck you talking about!
Yes, great move Andy!
I didn’t have to pay anything, just lost life/time doing wasteful sec checking of “PT” (present time) overts, but my “routing out” final RPF leaving took 15 months. Total RPF Sec Checking of over 3,000 hours, all gloriously wasted life. (Sea Orgers are free for all the Hubbard brainwashing sec checking)
“….If they are going to quit let them quit fast…..” – L. Ron Hubbard, KSW #1.
I say, just quit fast, at any point you want, and the sooner the better!
Great writeup Andy.
Chuck Beatty
1975-2003 Sea Org (final 7 years on the RPF)
So glad to have you out, Andy! I related to everything you said cuz I lived it too and at the same time you were getting on VII so was I so we did probably pass in the hallways. You really captured what it was like to go through that mind fuck called “Eligibility.” I’m so glad you took your life back and made your decision to not play that game. Welcome to the free world. And I LOVE your beautiful photography! What an artist you are!
Thank you, Cindy!!!
Hi again, It’s Andy Porter !
Wow. Fabulous write up. !! And I’m so glad you didn’t do a “Doubt Formula.” I just loved hearing in your own words what was going on for you each step of this seriously stupid mind-fuck. And your Great Ahah at the end….yes, you had become Cause over Mest. You’re a wonderful writer. I couldn’t put it down…and I was in a meeting all day reading it on my iPhone in my lap.
Hi Zana! Actually, the great AAh took years of gradual, painful, fearful decompression!