The crassness has reached new lows.
“Do” minimally $100 and “CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR COMMENDATION.”
Those commendations must really be something…. (you can see my version above)
John Oliver was right once again on his show last night. If you want to give money to a fake church, give it to scientology.
Like most SO members, she doesn’t seem to be too good with math.
Correctly noting there are 7.365 BILLION uncleared people on earth, she figures they need “thousands or millions” of auditors. Afraid thousands isn’t going to cut it. Even a million means each auditor has to clear 7,365 people. Even 10 million auditors would be 736 people for each to clear and there is not an auditor on earth that has made 736 clears.
But, if you send us $100 for “planetary dissemination” somehow it’s going to make millions of auditors.
Literally, anything is an excuse to get money. Any number or statistic is a reason to send money. Anything at all can be converted into a moneymaking pitch.
It never ends.
test
Will there come the day when “donating” $1,000 will get you “5 question less asked at your next sec check”, or “3 free F/Ns at your discretion”? A good deal like that might lure me back in.
Join the only group on earth that hasn’t made a mistake… ever.
Think about that for just a sec and get back to me with a donation and you’re in.
See… doesn’t it feel just so good, plus your cert is online for your approval.
Just like a Macca burger, design your own, pay by cc and pick up at the window = you’re a winning scientologist, ain’t life just so easy peasy… now your OTness… is that with fries?
Selling commendations over the Internet for 100.00 a pop. Laughter!
Maybe the idea was inspired by the completely legitimate “heavy sarcasm” – diplomas one can purchase, for a one time fee on-line, in exchange for a very expensive piece of worthless paper, if they are not bright enough to see the blatant falseness/lack of integrity in that action. I saw this and it immediately brought to mind the diploma mills out there that sell lies, on a piece of paper, for use in furthering their goals.
Would this commendation/donation be applicable to the raising, or contributing to the raising of an IAS status? SMH
Mike, your Commendation is priceless. I laughed out loud. Couldn’t wait to tell you that I’m printing it out, enlarging it, framing the thing, and putting it up on my bathroom wall. This is the kind of thing that will give me a chuckle whenever I read it. Thank you, Mike.
OK, now I’m coming back to read the comments.
Oh, and given what will be the placement of this soon to be framed Commendation, anyone in my bathroom reading it will likely be performing an activity sequitur to the message.
Hi Aquamarine, Thank you for an evening laugh.The bathroom is a perfect place for your cert. I know you have TP, not like SO days. Gosh I just remembered I bought it at Ralph’s for the 5 ladies in my room and others in SO.I have to have TP at least,cold showers well I did them daily because with 6 of us the hot water always ran out,but being used to The Excalibur I toughed it out at H’Wood Inn. Always Ann B.
Funny!
Wackyer by the day, if that’s possible.
O/T : Just saw Mike in third and final installment of a Danish documentary about Robert Dam, where Mike scratches the surface of what the criminal organisation known as the “church” of $cientology will do as dictated by Hubbard’s policies about how to deal with “attackers.”
Good show to everyone who participated (this has Marc Headley and the stellar visit to Gold base) – thanks for spreading the word.
Jens — have not seen the program. Is there a link?
It’s on Youtube. You can find it when you search for “Opgøret med Scientology”, there are three parts. Unfortunately without English subtitles.
oh damn, my Danish is a little rusty…
The English bits are subtitled, so the viewer gets the full benefit of yours and Marc’s comments (and the shoutiness of the Gold Base slaves come through – while Marc is smiling and showing them photos of his kids….)
Jens TINGLEFF I just pulled up the Youtube videos, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNxMk7WSyXM
There is no subtitles. Link?
After more coffee I realized that only the parts spoken in English are sub’ed.
@ second post – yup, the subtitles are the wrong way round for English speakers – sorry 🙂
Yo Dave, maybe there is hope for clearing this planet.
Decree an Amnesty for the most Epic expansion of Scientology in the history of the Universes!
Then, all of us “cancelled” certs auditors will be able to lend you a hand.
Lead us by example!
How many pcs have you audited in your entire existence?
Hi Ed Kettle,Good to meet you.I wondered that too. Just how much auditing has David ever done with a PC? Seems pretty strange to me,why is he so against auditing as COB? Does anyone know why that would be? As one who had started Training right before I was handed to the Guardians Office Intel at about three and one half years in, I was told when I joined Sea Org,because I had paid for auditing for myself ( and several other SO Members as well)
I was told to get to Power and then begin training as an auditor.Looking back that was really strange.Maybe my whole SO time was preordained,in other words someone did not want me to become an auditor.Creepy! Ann B.
Hi Ed Kette, I’m sorry for screwing up your name.The Rats are dancing on my IPad tonight. They must have heard about The Going Clear Triumph! Always Ann B.
Ann, I can’t help it; what are the “Rats”?
Hi Aquamarine, Whoops! Do not want an MU here.The Rats would be my pet name for The OSA or whoever it is that cuts and pastes a fake message on my IPad that always starts the same ” Mike Rinder has declared you a Security Risk and you may not access his Blog. So original ! When that first happened months ago I totally freaked out and probably gave him the worst headache by emailing him about how freaked I was.Now I know how to get around them.So when I know they come out to,play with me,I become The Exterminator! Does that make any sense? Love U Ann.
Total sense, Ann, thank you. Sorry you have to endure senseless harassment but glad you know how to handle it.
So you can buy a commendation for $100? Man. that’s cheap. It used to cost at least a trip to a “religious freedom crusade” or something.
Now if it was $100 to buy your SP declare – I’m sold already. Where do I sign up?
Me too, Martin! If I’m going to be treated like an SP then I deserve my cert. And its going right on the bathroom wall, next to Mike’s Commendation. I just decided that my bathroom wall is the perfect spot for SP Certs, Awards, and anti-cherch witticisms suitable for framing. I’ve been wondering for months what to put up on that wall space and now I have it!
How about an online link to make it easier to get Declared SP? Click on it and it opens a menu where you can build your own Declare order and download the finished document. Couldn’t charge much for it, maybe 1 cent to 5 cents?
Hi SadStateofAffairs,I like your post.I could build a really great one for myself with the menu.Good for my soul. Always Ann B.
Laughter!
Oh my god it is Manon Gerlach from The Netherlands from whom I once got a KR. I had a big fight with her because she was, again, raising money from two unstable brothers who already gave the cult one million euro’s. She took the boys last money……..realy, realy criminal. She became a very ugly woman, while before she went in the SO, she was a nice looking girl.
If you do not check it .. 7 billon public is 2.100 billion minimum for the IAS .. not refundable in any way .. needs 100 million auditors .. to get that done .. LRH said Think Big, you will only get what you postulate ..
Really? Think Big? I will only get what I postulate? Seriously? Hot damn! My postulate is for the Cult of Scientology to die a quicker death.
Also, Manon Gerlach may be from Europe, as she’s writes 7.365 billion as 7,365 billion with a comma and not period.
“Is it thousands of auditors needed?
“Tens of thousands?
“Hundreds of thousands?
“Millions?
“Tens of millions?…”
John Doe, with Going Clear causing the biggest flood of people heading into their Idle Morgues all over the world, they’re going to need ‘Tens of millions’ of auditors. I figured all of this out last night while watching football and the U.S. Open and drinking many glasses of some really great red wine.
John, if you need anymore help, don’t hesitate to ask me. My biggest concern is, why would Alex Gibney make a documentary that would encourage people to become scientologist?
Right, OSD. Going Clear is really pulling raw public in, in droves. Once these unenlightened Wogs hear about Disconnection, Fair Game and being video-taped while they spill their innermost personal secrets in auditing sessions, once they find out how much it they’ll have to spend to go Clear and OT, why, they just can’t stay away from orgs. They are compelled to find out all about the Church of Scientology, and to become Scientologists. Yes, Going Clear is such an amazing, Div 6 marketing tool 🙂
So true Mike its all just a money making pitch. No real products for exchange just the pitch.
Willie, I believe they’ve abandoned all auditing and training (Hey, if Der Dwarfen Fuhrer hasn’t picked up the cans in 17 years, why should the public). Of course, now, it’s all donations for status and case gain.
When a once great Criminal Enterprise stoops so low as to beg for $100 donations it’s like seeing Bernie Madoff become a carnival pick-pocket. It’s like seeing an OT having a garage sale to support a scientology program. It’s like seeing a group of Homo Novi ganging up on a single critic at an airport screaming “What are your crimes?”
65 years of Planetary Dissemination has resulted in this. Would you like other mankind-saving technologies to have this win?
Hi Roger Hornaday, My answer most certainly I would not want any mankind-saving tech to have cos wins as they are today.Pathetic and could not happen to a “nicer” bunch.I just hope the four eye drop bottles I have to use for 6 weeks on my “new eyes” right one done,left one still to be done,are not part of Bob Duggans Big Pharma,would I have a Fit if true.I feel very bionic the right lens implant powers up and poof Laser Sight Amazing.XXOO Always Ann B.
Yeah, Roger, I’d like those wins. But, of course, I’m a glutton for punishment. It is free, right?
“…its like seeing Bernie Madoff become a carnival pickpocket.”
Great line and great comment, RogerH.
During the week of Auditor’s day? I would have been confused had she not revealed why it is now a week.
One day is not enough for those $100 commendation certs. Soon there will be a solo auditor week, Survival R/D auditor week, Purif I/C week, Case Supervisor week, number of touch assists/body comms/nerve assists week and of course the best week of all….the auditor with the highest number of detected Rock Slams week.
Peace and Love for a price.
Wait, they don’t have a “We Are Crushing the DBs, SPs & CICSs Week? Man, that was my favorite week! I wonder why it was cancelled. Maybe I’ll call my friend, Ben Cancelled, to see if he knows.
Hur hur hur I see what you did there.
The world population is 7.365 billion. According to Manon, there are NO clears. I guess they’ve been failing all of these years.
Laughter! Good one!
They have been failing masterfully! I’m encouraging them to stay on track…
They should just replace org staff with self-checkout kiosks like that have supermarkets. Swipe card and get printout!
Hi John Locke,Actually what a good idea. Love it! Ann B.
John, when you get your cert, can you get one for me too? I just don’t want to be left out…
Sure OSD. I’ll ask for yours to have a Steamer’s Lane theme/background. The spot I learned at. 🙂
Would you? Oh man, that would be great! If you surfed up there, (I never did), I hope you didn’t encounter any of the large men in grey suits swimming around! We’ve had a rash of them at my surf spots.
OSD, only when fishing a few miles further North of the Point. 20′ men in grey suits!
John Locke, I wouldn’t be surprised if that will be the next org “feature” — I can imagine DM striking up a deal with a CO$-owned supplier to install such self-serve kiosks at each org….
Mike Rinder : Remember this prediction of John Locke’s, and lets keep track ot it….I’m sure at some point it will become true.
Thanks Bruce but Mike’s demonstrated ability to predict DM’s actions FAR outstrips mine.
Maybe for a C note deposited one could listen to a random 5 minute, DM Shermanspeak ™ sound byte. $500 allows one to select the 5 minute sample!
The “thousands of more auditors” would be better served if the people donated the $100 towards educating someone not to use the above phrase.
Truly grasping at straws. No pretense at exchange. Woo hoo! A commendation. For $100 I’m sure there’s no frame, which is just as well, since it would be so embarrassing to display and have to explain.
Here’s a hint to anyone considering taking them up on this $100 offer. Once you feed the dog, it will hound you forever.
I don’t know, Valerie. I think I’d like a cert for $100. It will make me feel special. Not the po’ white trailer trash with page numbers on my toilet paper person that I am now. Hey, do you think they’ll let me get 3 of them? I mean, I’d be super stoked!
OSD, I’m sure you’d be welcome to get 3. Just be aware that the price raises geometrically with each one. $100 for the first, $1,000 for the second, $1,000,000 for the third. No problem. The second one would be called “commendation we’ve got a live one” the third one would be called “commendation dumbass”.
Hey, make it four and you could go for $1,000,000,000. Davey could eat for a week if you did that. You might get a chance to kneel in his presence if you donated the billion dollars. Maybe.
The 7,36 billion is actually 7.36 billion…Europeans use a comma instead of a period. Which shows that the writer is unaware of the American convention…even though they are the experts at communication.
NEP is the Euro version of Bridge Publications. She is not communicating to Yanks.
mwesten, if she were communicating with Europeans she wouldn’t use $ sign to denote the amount of money needed. Whenever I sent written comms to my EU offices I comment on money using € as the currency symbol…
This is why I get paid the big bucks. 😉
Heh, well sure. 🙂 None the less, it’s pretty common for Euro scientologists to be regged for various causes and crusades in USD. (The IAS being the prime example).
When I was at Paris & Madrid org I never saw that. And never on promo sent FROM the EU based orgs TO EU recipients. Only from NON EU entities like you mention (IAS) or FSC (FSO Div 6 entity).
Why do I think that the only way DLHDM knows what’s going on in his little empire is from reading this blog and the bunker?
Hi Bystander,I agree. I’ll bet his teeth gnash so much over everything he has to read this blog and the bunker to figure out where he is each second.He may have money bot nothing else.Always Ann B.
Hi Ann, and money and nothing else equals nothing. Couldn’t be happening to a nicer guy.
Hi Joe, I second your post. Thank you so much for your.Always Ann B.
Hi Joe,Thank you so much for yours.Ann.
If I didn’t have a head cold, I would have taken your logic one step further. If the population stood still, they would need 10 million auditors to clear today’s population. How many auditors do they have? How many clears do they accomplish in a day? Even with a congested head cold it sounds like counting grains of sand. Mission Impossible. They lost before they even started. On the positive side, maybe if all 7+ billion of us sent them $100 they could pull “clearing the planet” off. If only I could remember where I left my check book……
Roger, I’m sorry you have a head cold! Ben, ahhhh, ummmmm…I mean Been There Done That Bought a T-Shirt. But what I really think we should be focusing on is the party at my home when they start with $25 certificates. I’m going to need a lot of help putting this shindig together! My SP party had about 70 people here. I think there will be quite a few more at the next party.
Incredible… though that imlitates some of the past religion’s insanities. If you look at stained glasses in churches, you’ll read many donors names….
I imlitated once. My wife made me clear it up…
Dear Manon,
Please provide the following stats:
– How many auditors made in last year
– How many auditors made in last 10 years
– Percentage of auditors ever made and still living who are also still practicing auditors in good standing
– Total hours of auditing a) provided and b) received by COB RTC since 1980
SNARC,
hgc10
I loved this post. I copied it into an email to Manon in DK, adding one extra question: “5. – Now that the Briefing Course has been cancelled by COB (a high crime according to LRH), how does the organization intend to train up tens of thousands of auditors?
I hope that Copenhagen is as beautiful and welcoming as it was when I was last there.
Love, Peter
“The king is dead; long live …” never mind, he’s a sociopath. Auditors? Who cares. The fact that there is no Briefing Course should say it all. The church of scientology in the personality of LRH is dead.
Hi McCarran, Very True Words. But then at the end of his life,I gather Ron was freaked out over losing mind and body as my late parents did when they went insane at the end.So the personality of Ron went when he did I would surmise.Then David ripped ASHO D & F to shreds.May it RIP at least he can’t destroy the original SHSBC anymore.He hi jacked it all.Always Ann B
Next there will be a vending machine in the lobby of the Fort Harrison Hotel where all kinds of “commendations” and trophies are made available for different amounts of non refundable donations. A hidden camera and microphone will pick up on anyone passing by making a negative comment so they can be called into the Ethics Office to make financial amends. Now that’s making “Planetary Clearing” a REALITY!!!!! Hip! Hip! Harrrraaaayyyyyy!!!!!
laughing my f-ing ass off!!!
Hahaha! Or how about one of those claw machines? Put a hundred in and get a chance to snag a really impressive trophy from the pile in the glass case.
Instead of the claw machine, use the old toy that looked like a coffin, and when you put some money on it and crank the toy up, a skeleton’s head bobbles up and a bony hand reaches out to pull the money into the coffin….I used to have one of those….it would be a fitting symbol of DM’s moneygrabbing….
Hi Bruce, Loved your post.Once again proving you really can’t take it with you because if you try cos will wrench it from your cold,boney hands.Thank you. Always Ann B.
Hi Mat Pesch, You gave me a laugh this AM Thank You.I was thinking tho what you posted may yet come to pass sooner than we think! Always Ann B.
Gosh. I wish it was that much fun.
The scary thing is, I don’t put that past them. Matt, I think you’re on to something!
Co$ has become the vending machine of “religions”. Put your money in and out pops your cheap, plastic toy. In this case it looks like you don’t even get the crappy toy, you print it out on your own paper.
That COB, he’s so generous.
Still recovering from your two day Emmy-drunk Dave? I know those three stung hard. 🙂
Hi NOLA Girl, Love your post and I feel we all are going to rocket our stories into the Great Beyond.Hello Target 2?! Now girlfriend what do we do with the Saints? Word- clear them on ” football”? Laughter Always Ann B.
Good to see you Ann. 🙂 We need to word clear them on offense, which is crazy because that hasn’t been our problem in a long time. Hoping they get it together soon. *fingers crossed*
There are over 7 billion people who only want to steer clear of anyone from Scientology, so they don’t need the auditors. There, I just saved $100.
Wait, Lori! The other 365 million people want to steer clear of anyone from scientology too. Let’s not leave them out….