While Scientology spokespeople have routinely denied that “enforced disconnection exists”, anyone who is familiar with the Corporate Church of Scientology knows only too well about disconnection. Like so much else in the Corporate Scientology empire, its an ugly truth to be hidden from the “wog” world through a game of carefully worded deception of the same order as Bill Clinton’s infamous “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”
When you see a church spokespeople emphatically state “there is no policy of enforced disconnection” in Scientology, the language is carefully chosen. (You can see Tommy Davis doing even worse than that here though frankly, he is a pretty poor example of the art of careful wording, he set records for horrendous blunders in his short career that will never be surpassed).
But if pressed on the subject, the response is further dissembling in this wise: “those who disconnect CHOOSE to do so” followed by “everyone has a right not to communicate with someone who is harming them, like an abused woman has the right to leave her abusive spouse.”
It sounds reasonable, but it’s not reality. And the church believes they can just keep asserting this and nobody will notice they are lying.
The Facts
Let’s start with some indisputable FACTS:
1. There is a fundamental theory of “disconnection” that is based on common sense. Like the oft-used abused wife example above, the idea is that if there is someone who is causing you grief in your life and you cannot deal with it, then get yourself away from the source of grief. “Everyone has a right to communicate and conversely you also have a right to not communicate”. Fair enough. And when this is used for the benefit of the individual, it can be a helpful practice.
2. There IS policy applied by the Church of Scientology that REQUIRES someone to disconnect from anyone declared by HCO as a Suppressive Person. HCOB 10 September 83 PTSNess and Disconnection states the following:
“To fail or refuse to disconnect from a suppressive person not only denies the PTS (person connected to a Suppressive Person) case gain, it is also supportive of the suppressive – in itself a Suppressive Act. And it must be so labeled.”
The “Suppressive Act” is specifically stated in the Introduction to Scientology Ethics book (taken verbatim from the PL Suppressive Acts Suppression of Scientology and Scientologists) as:
“Continued adherence to a person or group pronounced a Suppressive Person or Group by HCO.”
This is now no longer for the benefit of the individual, but intended to benefit the organization.
3. An individual labeled a Suppressive, even if only due to continued association with someone ELSE who has been labeled a Suppressive, faces the reality of immediate family members (spouses, children, parents), friends, business associates and even employers who are Scientologists disconnected from them. Lost jobs, divorce, kicked out of school, refused service by doctors and many other ramifications from life altering to merely annoying.
4. It is church policy that anyone who is declared has forfeited their right to participate in the activities of the church and is no longer eligible for auditing or training. This is the Scientology equivalent of being condemned to hell. It is a powerful motivating force.
If I Hold A Gun To Your Head Are You Choosing Freely?
The statement that the church does not enforce disconnection is similar to the rapist claiming his victim “consented” after he held a gun to her head. “It was her choice, she could have refused….” So too with the victims of enforced disconnection in the church of Scientology – they could refuse to disconnect from someone the church deems a trouble-maker and have their own life destroyed by being labeled suppressive themselves. Or they could “go along with it”, save their own neck and let the other person fend for themselves. For most, it is a practical decision, not a moral one.
This Is Constitutionally Protected Activity
The church claims the moral high ground (though this only after they have been forced to admit that they DO enforce disconnection). “This is our right” guaranteed by the First Amendment to the Constitution of the US. “We can practice our religion as we want and if anyone doesn’t like it they can go to some other church.” (Though it is quite incogruous that if this IS their “sincerely held religious belief” they don’t like to admit it in public?)
They are technically correct. Legally, they are protected by the law. But morally, there is nowhere to hide when in the name of religion and touting themselves as “champions of human rights” they are sundering families, friendships and livelihoods.
Those who seek to justify and explain this as their “right” are little different than slave owners before the Thirteenth Amendment was passed or the subsequent “separate but equal” segregationists who proclaimed the moral and legal high ground before the Voting Rights and Equal Rights Acts of 1964 and the subsequent Supreme Court decisions that put a permanent end to government and court sanctioned discrimination in any form. Until then, they correctly claimed that they were “following the law” and were “protected by the constitution.”
Abuses that assault the sensibilities of decent men and women do not survive in a civilized society. Eventually, the checks and balances of an elected government, the press and public opinion conspire to outlaw abhorrent and abusive behavior.
The sooner Corporate Scientology recognize that enforced disconnection puts them on a par with the Segregationists of the first half of the 20th century who proclaimed God and the law was on their side, the better off the church and anyone associated with it will be.
What Does Scientology Fear?
Corporate Scientology is terrified that allowing people to remain connected with Suppressives will erode away their base of faithful followers by filling their heads with lies.
But isn’t this an admission that the followers of the church are incapable of making up their own minds and that if they have found something of benefit in Scientology it is so lacking in benefit they could be shaken in their faith by “lies.” (The church vehemently proclaims that EVERYTHING negative said about them is a LIE).
Other religions operate in the marketplace of free ideas. While Scientology claims superiority over all other religions – producing standard results and having a technology like no other faith has – why would it fear that “lies and bad news” would undercut its membership? Surely such an advanced and strong religion would be far better able to deal with criticism or negative statements than others? You can find a virtually endless amount of negative information about Catholicism, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism or any other of the major belief systems on earth. And despite that, they all survive and do not try to control their adherents by seeking to remove anyone who may be negative or critical of their faith from their lives. Only some of the newer, smaller religions shun as a control mechanism – Mormonism to some extent, Jehovah’s Witnesses to a greater extent and Scientology to the extreme.
How Will It End?
The same way segregation ended. By bringing attention to the abuses. By the Rosa Parks’ of this battle refusing to agree to sit at the back of the bus – Lori Hodgson and Catherine Von Ach and Cindy Plahuta and others fighting to recover their children and raising public awareness as a result.
By the media doing stories and making the truth known.
With testimonials on the internet and in social media.
And eventually by elected officials being goaded into action.
Institutionalized abuses of human rights all come to an end when enough voices are raised in protest.
If you have a story of disconnection and are willing to have it published on this blog with your name, send it t0 the Contact Me page. If I can, I will publish it.
Remember the words of Howard Beale in Network: “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore.” Speak up. Speak Out.
Read this the first time today – and a thought struck me…….
Didn’t LRH state, that one of the traits of an anti-social and/or suppressive was…….
“Having a hidden terror of others…”
most of what I read so far (and also observed myself, over the years) was this “hidden terror”.
Anyway, food for thought, and my 2 cents.
I’ve always wondered what happened to Tommy Davis. Does anyone know? Is he in the hole?
Two of my 4 surviving children disconected from me a month after this was written.
It’s been rough especially since I now have 2 grandchildren I do not know.
But every single bit of that pain is worth the fact that I am no longer holding my breath about crimes I witnessed, posting under fake names and that little by little I am able to experiance the normal range of emotions and most importantly am learning to deal with life like everyone else normally learns in their youth.
Another fact I am greatful for is that we are all alive and healthy. I look forward to the day I will get their calls again. In the mean time now and then I send them postcards with short notes 💖
I wonder if the IRS would”grow a pair” and step up to re-investigate if anything would change. But I have given up on that. They, the IRS, are too busy chasing the real big owers of money. They sent me a letter 3 years after a minor mistake on a tax form that understated total income and a tax debt of $200 dollars. With interest it came to$235. Yep, tracked down after three years with interest everyday. Forget them going after the cult when they have us regular working people to go after.
My friends naturally get hung up on why my mother won’t talk to me (I was declared in 2000). Here’s how I explain the mechanics of Disconnection:
1. Scientologists take on the assumption that Scientology is the most vital subject and activity, because it will return every spirit to full ability. This false assumption is the rock on which everything is justified.
2. A Scientologist does something major that is perceived to harm Scientology. In my case, it was long-term crashed tech stats in my tiny, failing org.
3. The person is declared. A declare warns that the person is actively trying to destroy Scientology. Because that is unthinkable, with what is at stake, they are ejected from the group.
4. You can’t stay in communication with an active enemy, so you don’t communicate.
There’s a logic to all this, which I try to get across to my friends, but they can’t get past the emotional response to the injustice, which I sympathise with. The logic is what I bought when I was in, and, to a small degree, helped me accept my own declare. If someone is trying to destroy you, don’t communicate with them. This is applied too broadly. I wasn’t trying to destroy Scientology.
My mother claims to love me but feels it’s more important to apply the policy, even though she thinks I’m probably not technically a suppressive.
I did a review Comm Ev to contest the declare, and the committee still thought it was valid. I wasn’t going to do Scientology—I was just hoping to get the declare cancelled so that she didn’t feel she had a problem talking to me. She will most likely die without seeing or talking to me again, a martyr to this sick policy.
” What Does Scientology Fear?”
Being found out for what they really are and what they really do.
Yes, very simple! However I am wondering if they are part of the “Deep State” and that is the reason why they are still active.
I believe that their top management are just a bunch of ruthless crooks: everybody else is just a gullible, brainless victim!
hi Mike
I recently discovered my stepson had a telephone call from his Father telling him the COS had been in touch regarding my stepsons friend on Facebook whom who was on his public page.
Seems the “friend” is persona non grata” according to the COS. My stepson then disconnected his friend from his public page so his Father would not get into trouble with the COS.
My stepson wants nothing to do with the COS but was worried his Father may get into trouble as his currrent wife is “well in” and has a daughter (stupid cow) in the SO.
I went fucking ballistic and asked why the Church would not contact him direct rather than bullying his Father.
He simply told me he is still in contact with his friend on his private page and simply wanted to mollify his Father.
His Father is so fucking PTS iy is out of this world. He had his entire field Auditor income taken away from him in the 80’s. He has been forced onto the Purif/SRD twice despite claiming to be a freewinds OT VIII and a Class VIII.
So much for self determination eh?
A DM bullies the lot of them.
Anyway the point is the COS still enforces disconnection to the letter as the fucking poison dwarf
Bullies them all the time.
I say “fuck them all” who needs the COS.
All the relavent materials are out of their hands and a few Class XII’s are still available who don’t insist on a debit card deducting money as donations every month.
The saddest thing is ALL of this shit is a violation of every policy LRH ever wrote and NONE of these current members seem to know what a policy letter is?
Disconnection is still a very great practice of the COS so disconnect from them and get on with it on your own.
If nothing else you will save $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$’s by the thousand!!!!!
Dear Wanton 55. I have been in the SO for 15 years, I have seen everything and managed everything. And believe me it is NEVER what they show through. Are you wondering about the lack of self-determinism? It took me years to understand it: scientology is an implant. It’s not petty criticism, it’s exactly that. If you have a way, see the definition. It applies perfectly. And it is a kind of implant that blocks the person very seriously believe me.
The re-casting of “Fair Game” just shows that policy has always been whatever the current leader says it is, subject to change as necessary or convenient. Members in the old days used to just suck up the about-faces when they came from Hubbard – first a clear was this and then it was that, Dianetics transcended faith but then it had to be superseded by the religion of Scientology, it was just people helping each other but it turned out the Sea Org had to be created to enforce orthodoxy, there was ethics but Kha-Khans weren’t subject to it, later there were natural and past life clears but afterwards that turned out to be a mistake, and so on.
I think the sad thing, is that’s how it’s always been – the illusion of policy as something certain is sold to each subsequent generation of scientologists, when it it never existed to begin with. Command intention is always senior to policy.
Also, it’s scary if they are tracing friends of family members like that. Is that what the DSAs do in the idle orgs all day to keep themselves busy, play Facebook police?
Mike in the “Letter from Garcia” I read that Hubbard had canceled this disconnection policy but that DM put it back into force. Is this so?
No. He “canceled” it like he canceled Fair Game. It was put back in with full force and even more draconian enforcement in the early 80s when the Mission Holders were getting uppity and Mayo and others were opening competing organizations.
Thank you Mike. A deadly and suppressive control tool. Luckily they are with the best intentions, taking people out of the mud. Scoundrels.
Yup, It was put back in FULL force when it appeared that there were *effective* groups directly competing with Tubby’s multinational criminal organizations. Mayo’s AACs were particularly dangerous as that guy could THINK! and adapt to the changing environments.
Mike, I read a policy letter, only a paragraph long, where LRH cancels Fair Game and Disconnection as it is bad PR. But he also adds a little line kind of like, “all policies on PTS and SP still apply.” I am paraphrasing here because I don’t have my red vols anymore. So did LRH cancel them just for PR purposes of looking good to the outside world while still operating on Disconnection and Fair Game in real life?
Yes
I believe the “cancellation” of disconnection by Hubbard was a response to the 1968 Inquiry into Scn by New Zealand after the publication of the Anderson Report in Oz. This can be found in the green management dictionary under “Reform Code” That is likely the paragraph you remember.
Disconnection is a key part of how Hubbard implemented “The Brainwashing Manual” in CofS, getting rid of those disloyal to the state and depriving them of a voice so that they can’t convince others that they are correct.
May 2013. That’s when this story was published.
May 2013 was when I walked out of the MAA’s office for the last time. All of life now is marked by when I was in scientology or when I walked out – May 2013, Before or After.
On that day in May 2013, I walked out of the MAA’s office with several following, trying to prevent me from leaving. Then I continued to refuse requests to come back in and get “re-educated” so that I, like the friend who wrote the KR that brought me into the MAA’s office, would “cognite” that I didn’t really KNOW that david miscavige was beating his staff, because I wasn’t there to see him do it. I refused to hold the cans – indicating to those, the Believers, that I had sins against david miscavige, L Ron Hubbard or the church of scientology. I had finally hit my own personal critical mass. I was done. I lost my son. I lost most of my friends and I didn’t care. I lost my son. There are times I still question whether the pain of that has been worth it; maybe I should have just held the cans.
I had hope in the beginning that it would end soon and my son would come home. So many were leaving, telling their stories and coming forward. Surely it would end soon.
Going Clear aired. Leah Remini and Mike Rinder’s series aired. The lawsuits… that’ll do it. Surely.
I have hope that one day justice will prevail but I have learned in my new life that sometimes it doesn’t, sometimes money and power wins, sometimes the bad guy gets away with it.
My life After May 2013 is filled with good friends and many blessings – and so much more Freedom. I hope one day my son can experience his own great life AFTER the church of scientology and I hope I’m there with him.
Mary, I did get on the cans to try to make it right and not lose my son and all my family. but it didn’t work especially when they told me that I had to disconnect from my other son and his wife because of daughter in law parents………..even went thru the f…. comm ev to make it go right………..it still would not work. My day was April 2015 when I said no more, they finally declared me in Jan 16. I feel the same. I have good family and friends and I don’t have that horrible pressure of who I talk to or what I say. But my heart still hurts for the lost son. I also feel the next “thing” will bring it down, but it doesn’t happen. Losing hope…………..but in my opinion it was worth it. I feel free……………lots of love to you…………
Love to you, Lois.
Hope and pray we hug our sons again🙏
“I lost my son.”
The same heartbreaking statement from 2 different grieving Ex-Scientologist mothers.
Well, I disagree.
Mary and Lois, you did lose your sons.
The truth is – THE TRUTH – is actually, factually the other way around.
The truth is your sons lost YOU.
The truth is, you each have EVERY human right to be who you are; to believe what you believe; observe what you observe and know what you know, and in your lives, to operate accordingly.
Just as your children have this right, so do YOU.
That your children, some of them, do not understand or abide by this, for WHATEVER reason(s), does not make it any less true that, as they have this right, so do you, and so do we all.
You didn’t “lose” them. You were ALWAYS with them. You were NEVER NOT WITH, no matter what you were observing or personally experiencing in Scientology.
You observed what you observed. You experienced what you experienced. You decided what you decided. As people, as human beings, you exercised your human rights – your God-given rights, if you want to put it that way.
NONE OF THE ABOVE had ANYTHING whatsoever to do with your love and commitment to your sons.
THEY were the ones who made agreement to that which you could not agree the primary condition for their continued love and company.
THEY were the ones who linked their love to your obedience to the Church of Scientology.
They left YOU. They lost YOU.
Cutting their mothers out of their lives was THEIR decisions. Not yours.
And yes, yes, yes yes yes etc. they’vw been brainswashed from infancy and know nothing but the cult etc…I get it. I GET it. But all that boils down to “reasons why” and justification. It doesn’t alter the basic truth.
They left you, not the other way around.
Right now they’re still walking around thinking, “Mom left me. She wouldn’t do her A to E. She refused to do (this or that). She left.”
Yo Sons of Mary and Lois:
Sorry, YOU left THEM.
YOU turned your backs on your Mothers.
YOU closed the door.
YOU shut them out.
YOU disconnected.
Just saying.
Much love,
Aqua
Mary and Lois, one dahyour sons are going to realize this, and when they do, its going to be very rough for them. When one day the truth of this, that they actually left you, hits them square in the face and they can’t twist and turn away and rationalize and justify and excuse it anymore, when one day they and have to face this and and deal with it and clean it up its going to be really rough for them.
For your sakes, I hope you’re alive when they have this “cognition” as it will be somewhat easier for them to clean it up. Not entirely by any means because their guilt will be enormous, and you understanding and forgiving them will help toward mitigating some of their guilt and frantic regret.
OMG, typos. Serious, key typos. I hardly edit when feeling cool and calm but when emotional all editing goes out the window. Leaving them all and trusting you’ll know them when you read them.
Dearest Aqua…..
So beautifully stated….with or without typo’s……..what you wrote is MORE than true & comes from the heart.
Sadly neither Mary or Lois can SAVE SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT WANT TO BE SAVED…….they could ONLY save themselves & then pick up the pieces of their shattered lives & rebuild a new life….a FREE LIFE.
We can only hope and pray that one day their children & extended families come to their senses & reach out…..as I’ve said many times FEAR is a great INTIMIDATOR to NOT leave….
As a mother myself… my heart aches for Mary & Lois…..nothing will ever fill the void they feel in their lives but that goes TWO WAYS…..it’s more than sad that this “policy” has hurt so many…..
Thank you for your kind praise, Balletlady. As devastating as it is for Mary and Lois and others here whose children have turned their backs on them, I actually feel sorry for the kids, the perpetrators, the ones who left, more than the ones who got left. The parents are living in integrity. They’re taking responsibility for the situation they helped create. They did what they did in Scientology with the best, the purest, the highest intentions. They did what they thought was best for their children. Their intentions were pure. When they saw that they were wrong, or rather, mistaken, they asked questions, they objected. When their questions and objections were not satisfied, they disagreed, and said so. They exercised their basic human rights – hello? None of their objections or questions had anything to do with their love for their children. Their disagreements with the Church of Scientology did not mean that they didn’t love their children anymore or wanted nothing to do with their children anymore! This was the CO$’s insane link up. “Your Love For Your Children = YourTotal Loyalty to, Obedience To and Agreement With The Church of Scientology”. That’s Co$’s insane link up and these kids bought into it and gave their parents the middle finger, effectively. THEY are the ones who violated their own integrity. And without that, a person isn’t worth much, if anything. Their parents, however wracked at times with acute pain and however enervated they become by enduring all the time the chronic pain of tremendous loss (much like a death) – however much the parents lives were upended, these parents are on firm ground, mentally and emotionally. Their “foundation” is solid. They can rebuild their lives. The IRONY is that these parents are actually APPLYING Scientology in this regard!
Their kids, on the other hand – no. They shattered their own lives by what they did. They may not realize what the harm they perpetrated on THEMSELVES – yet, but someday they WILL have to own up to it, take responsibility for it, and clean it up. And that’s why I pity them more than the parents they deserted. I wouldn’t be those kids for anything in the world, knowing what they’re going to have to confront one day. And if they don’t ever own up to it? If they twist and turn and blame and excuse and justify for the rest of their lives? Well, that will be their choice too, and they’ll be wasted, worthless human beings who are really better off dead.
In some cases the children who were BORN into this…it’s the ONLY life they’ve ever known. Their parents had OTHER life experiences before “signing up” for COS…they’ve seen and/or experienced the other side of the coin.
For those born into the religion & raised to “Obey Without Question”….it’s the only life they’ve known. I had friends who got sucked into Hare Krishna, The Moonies”..”Children of God”…..a handful had children while in & the kids from birth were more or less removed from their care & brainwashed 24/7…..all too sad.
The children who turn their backs on their parents may or may not regret it someday….what will become of them is anyone’s guess. The y will pay and are paying the consequences of the life they’re living…it’s all too damned sad.
For YOU dearest friend, I am glad you & so many others are now living the good life….
Yes, truly, the “way to hell is paved with good intentions”. But then, so is the way to heaven! Its up to each of us how we operate in life. No excuses! We either choose self determined integrity to ourselves or we choose the way to the only real hell. But the good news is its never too late to turn off of the road to hell. Whoever doesn’t do it this lifetime can still have next lifetime. (I believe that we live again and again.)
Mary Kahn, I couldn’t have said it better. I am with you and feel your pain. Yes, we all thought it was only a matter of a year or two and we’d see our loved ones again as the church imploded. But with billions of dollars in his coffers, DM can buy off people, hire the best lawyers, operate shell games to fool the whales, all of it. I hope I am alive IF and when my kids come to their senses and get out. If so, I will help them recover.
✨💖✨
I was declared in 2000, and continued to be a Scientologist, in mindset, without doing anything, until 2013, when my uncle rescued me by contacting me out of the blue. I’ve been decompressing ever since. My mother is still in and is dutifully applying the Disconnection policy.
We all wish for his safe return to the real world, Mary!
I urge you to keep contacting your political representatives and any other relevant politician, asking them for help to get this demonic cult shut down.
I too lost my child to a different cult in 2005 for the simple act of telling her I was concerned and was she truly happy. At that point all communication was cut. It took a terrible toll on me mentally and physically. For the first 6 months it was all I could do to get out of bed everyday. I cried myself to sleep every nite. When friends or family asked me about her, I cried. My husband couldn’t even bring himself to say her name because of the pain and her certainly couldn’t discuss the feelings of that pain that we both endured. It was a living HELL . One I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
Every week I either texted or left a VM to the last phone number I knew of simply saying I love you. Some weeks my written message of “ I love you “ went to the last known address I had for her. Close family members died and were buried with acknowledgments of her as family in the obituaries and still no contact. Though I cannot too thought surely this week, month or year will be the time I’ll hear back.
Finally the day came that I accepted she would never be a part of our lives again. I could even make it through a week and sometimes two without the tears but the real anguish felt in the quietest of times never went away. For 13 years , I suffered and I wrote every week of every month of every year “ I love you “.
Then out of the blue one evening my phone rang . It was her . Something had happened, the spell had been broken, there had been a disagreement that spiraled out of control and she finally awoke. Honestly, I don’t know what actually happened she didn’t want to talk about it and I fearful of losing this thread of communication,didn’t want to ask. It’s been a year since that phone call. I’d like to say I know exactly what happened but I don’t. It’s come out in bits and pieces and I pick up a piece here and there in her conversation. What little I have heard has been about money , threats and the shame she feels of being coerced and taken advantage of. I don’t push for any answers because quite honestly I still walk on eggshells. Fearful that something I might say would alienate her again. I suppose that due to my own fears that as a Mother I failed her in some way that made her vulnerable.
Instead I try to focus on being grateful for this second chance and to the making of happy memories to replace the 13 years of anguished ones.
I was fascinated by your story, Queen B. Thank you for sharing it.
Not easy, apparently, for a “kid” to admit having been totally wrong – to Mom! To Dad!
“Mom tried to tell me. All she cared about was my happiness. All she cares about now is my happiness. She loves me so much. I don’t deserve her love. I have been a total piece of shit to her, and she still loves me. How is this possible? How am I going to deal with this? ”
“Dad was right. Right about everything! And I was so awful to him. So cruel! And stupid! I am so embarrassed! And yet he’s still there for me, still there, waiting for me…he loves me…OMG. And all I have to do is show up…OMG. What am I going to do? I have been such a jerk! How am I going to face him? “
Wow, thank you for sharing this with us, Queen B. I am so happy for you and your daughter. Your patience and love paid off. She came back. Does she still adhere to the philosophy of the religion? Or did she reject that too?
Yes, Mom’s love “paid off” because the cult gave her a royal kick in the ass – or several – and daughter realized up close and personal that her Mother was right. And the mother is so fervently thankful for her daughter’s attention, so grateful that, after putting her thru 13 years of hell she’s talking to her again, that she’s “walking on eggshells” around her, still nervous and fearful that something, anything she might say that would be just a little bit wrong will send her daughter out of comm again. What’s wrong with this picture? Great and to her credit that the daughter finally contacted her Mother again after so many years. But its SHE, not her mother, who should be “walking on eggshells”. The daughter should be kissing the ground AND her mother’s feet that this lady is even giving her the time of day. No apology for putting her Mother thru freaking hell for 13 years? No explanation for why she never answered possibly hundreds of her mothers’ communications? No explanation – at all. And this mother is SO grateful, she daren’t ask for any. Wow. Just wow. What terrible, terrible, terrible things could this lady have EVER done to her daughter to make her deserve treatment like this? If I knew that girl and had her in front of me I’d be tempted to wring the cruel brat’s fucking neck. That said, I’m happy that this lady is happy. From my own viewpoint I hope this non-Scientologist who shared her happy ending disconnection story with has another daughter or a son, or some young person, related to her and close to her, who has normal human qualities, and actually cares about her.
Aquamarine,
How fucking DARE you judge someone you do not know and make those kinds of assertions about how much the daughter cares or doesn’t and how she’s a brat. The unknowing, unfeeling arrogance of your statements is utterly astounding. I’m guessing you’ll walk past the mental health unit of the Veteran’s Administration and shout “JUST GET OVER IT, YOU PUSSIES!”, right?
That has been said to me.
13 years of brainwashing is very difficult to unpack, and to shed from one’s psyche. The daughter very likely has PTSD, and will be dealing with the fallout from this for the rest of her life, and while she MAY eventually get to a point where she can (not feels comfortable, but is ABLE to) iterate a thank you or give a definitive reason for her silence, then that answer a lot of questions and maybe the eggshells thing can stop.
Maybe she’ll never be able to talk about it. That’s OK. The daughter’s back, and Mom is doing what she can to aid the recovery. Sometimes just being there and being supportive without questioning, without judging, can make all the difference. Sometimes it won’t, but she has her child back. And that’s a start. The journey that they are embarking on is fraught with danger and pain, but the potential rewards are incomprehensibly good. I know. I’ve seen it. I’ve been there — in fact, it’s so special that I cannot share the experiences with anyone beyond those involved.
Get over yourself.
You’re right.
“13 years of brainwashing is very difficult to unpack, and to shed from one’s psyche.”
You’re right. I was opining and sounding off solely from the viewpoint of the injustice of the mother sharing about having to walk on eggshells around her daughter in fear that she, the daughter, would, if she ever says the wrong words, go out of communication with her again.
I was reacting spontaneously to my feelings of anger at the injustice of that, for the mother’s sake. I wasn’t considering what the daughter herself was going thru -t hat the daughter had embarked on her own journey back to her mother, a journey, as you described it, fraught with danger and pain but with potential rewards very worthwhile and good. I wasn’t considering the daughter’s viewpoint at all when I wrote what I did.
So you’re correct to correct me. Kind of harshly – apparently what I wrote triggered your disgust and anger for whatever serious, valid reasons. Such was not my intention and for so doing I apologize.
In my own defense, this thoughtlessness I displayed with this comment a year and a half ago – this arrogance and thoughtlessness does not extend to the plight of veterans. As it so happens I know a good deal about what it means to lose people because of wars – lose them via physical death or just because their minds snapped and could no longer bear the pain of those experiences.
But my comment about the daughter was not thought out, it was wholly reactive and judgemental of her and unfairly and ignorantly so, and I’m sorry I said it, and I apologize for whatever pain and upset it caused you.