Christi Gordon sent me copies of these pages which were created at Flag, Christmas 1976.
They are the lyrics for a musical performance that was part of the annual Bosun’s party (I wrote about the infamous first Bosun’s Party at Flag in 1975 in my book).
The lyrics would be considered horrendous “J&D” now — Hubbard had not yet invented that term which was announced in his Bulletin Jokers and Degraders in February 1977 (maybe he got a report about this performance?).
Some of the notable lines:
No need to panic, it’s just another bomb threat
The citizens of Clearwater were NOT happy about the arrival of scientology. It was the time of “honk if you hate scientology” and regular bomb threats being called in…
All hands night, every night.
From lack of sleep, I’m getting pale.
The life of a SO member.
Jingle Bells is dedicated to the Guardian’s Office wins! A few months later they would be raided in LA and DC and the world would find out the truth about their real activities.
Joy to the world, my stats are up
I’m off of rice and beans!
My see-en-ior won’t yell at me
And get some sleep at night
More of the life of a Sea Org member.
On the 12th day of Christmas my pc gave to me
12 Refund Claims
4 cancelled certs
3 Comm Evs
2 purple eyes
And a post working in the galley!
My thanks to LRH for his amazing Joker and Degrader tech. Thanks to this amazing tech, I am now able to understand the four reasons why stand up comedians and tv stars like Benny Hill are so successful:
1) They’re all rockslammers.
2) They all belong in institutions.
3) If any of them went to a Scientology org and did an auditing intensive they would be No Case Gain.
4) They’re all PTS.
Again, I want to thank LRH and COB for giving me this fabulous tech which enables me to have a very successful career in comedy. Thank you.
DANG! I missed all the fun. I don’t remember those parodies at all. I DO remember how smoothly the hot buttered rum went down, though.
No shit, Jere.
I downed a lot of hot buttered rum at the 82 bosun’s party.
The year before, in 81 I went down to “Tick Tock liquors about 5 blocks from the FH and scored 2 bottles of 151 proof Bacardi rum I gave one bottle to a friend of mine who just happens to live here in the same apts with me now in PT.
After an hour he came up to me and gave me half of the bottle back as he could not drink any more. I drank my entire bottle, his half bottle ( straight out of the bottle) and about 10 beers Technically, it was not a party but a suicide atempt which nearly succeeded.
As far s the J and D songs, I came up with a number of them at that time.
This is quite an eye-opener! Thank you, Christi Gordon and Mike.
The lyrics tell all one needs to know about scientology. Lyrics written by scientologists for scientologists. Lyrics that lay bare to anyone who wants to see just how creepy and disgusting scientology really is.
I’m so glad to be out of that cult. I now look at scientology from the outside, which is a much better place to be.
Ya know, one of the few ways one could stay “uptone” in the severely oppressive atmosphere that shrouded the Int Base in the late ‘70s and early ‘80s was to develop inside jokes and catchphrases to create cohesion and solidarity with one’s fellow peon-level sea Org members.
Cine Org had many of the more creative folks in it and we had a lot of our underground humor that stopped just short of J&D.
(Unfortunately, those super-serious RTC folks doing their “Rollback” witch hunts didn’t see it that way, but that’s a different story.)
Hubbard was butt-hurt because staff made fun of his crappy films he directed.
While actively doing his cosplay directing each day, he thought he was absolutely killing it.
A day later, when the product was screened (dailies) the raw truth was there and it was too much for even the great Hubbard to confront—these films were mostly amateurish as hell.
Thus, any kind of joking about it became elevated to a crime—talkin’ to you, you Rock-slamming, stat crashing, PTS meanies!
(To Miscavige’s credit, he ordered these films to he remade, something no other staff member could ever suggest without getting RPFed or declared, while Hubbard was alive)
In other words, the Mighty Midget actually did something positive.
Wow.
Like in anything else, nobody involved in scientology is purely bad or purely good or always right or always wrong.
To claim otherwise is to admit that one has a very large cognitive blindside.
Very true. When I was on staff at CCNashville I worked with some really awesome people. They were good hearted individuals who felt that Scientology was the way to eliminate the evils of society.
HOLY CRAP! I can’t even imagine what would have happened if we’d come up with lyrics like that in the 90s. But I’ll bet they had fun writing them! “All Hands Night” is especially poignant. 😉
Oh My God! Back in the day when it was more honest… and had a sense of humor.
Every day now is full of deceit, lies, and “acceptable truths” or the church of scientology’s “version of the truth.”
Too much truth in those little jingles.
Thats what I was thinking.
Agreed, Mike: Once the “Joking and Degrading [strictly prohibited]” bulletin came out, this satirical activity would be cancelled. As a Former-In who recognizes the jargon, these lyrics are all very funny!
As humor is often born out of tragedy, the challenges of Sea Org life that come through these song lyrics additionally and freshly breaks my heart.
Mike,
I say this with love for you and many of the individual Scientology people (in but mostly out now) that I have come to love as people, all are awesome…
But, Y’all were just Creepy Weirdos back then!
Love the satire 😉
As I look at this I have to shake my head.
Hey, Mike!
My sister got me your book for Christmas along with Ralph Macchio’s. Read yours in two days(I’m recovering from a cold) and all I can say is: Wow! As for the Christmas carols, they’re harmless! Funny, too! Ahh, damn Scientology! No sense of humor!
Right, Alcoboy, no humor. It’s a deadly serious undertaking, don’cha know?
Too right! Alright, get your ethics in! Quit J&Ding! We’re on a mission to clear the planet!
PFFFFFFFFTTTT!
Seems like you may be running out of interesting topics. If so, you can always talk about your book again. Just ask yourself which topic is more boring and see what you think.
Howie the Spinner is back!
Hey, Howie! How’s about you read Mike’s book? Ooooohhh, that’s right, I forgot! You’re not allowed to read entheta material! You might get declared an SP! Lil Davey doesn’t want you seeing how he uses and abuses people for his own pleasure which you, Mike, bring out so wonderfully in your book.
Hey, Howie! Know what I wanna see? I wanna see Regraded Being do an installment that has the Mighty Midget having a phone conversation like this:
YOU FUCKED IT UP AGAIN! YOU DIDN’T? THEN WHY IN THE HELL IS MIKE RINDER’S BOOK ON THE BEST SELLER LIST? DIDN’T I TELL YOU TO MAKE SURE IT NEVER CAME TO PUBLICATION? DON’T GIVE ME ANY BULLSHIT ABOUT THE FIRST AMENDMENT! THAT’S A WOG LAW AND WE ONLY OPERATE UNDER WOG LAW WHEN IT SUITS OUR INTERESTS! WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO? DAMN, DAMN, DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING MYSELF? LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY! YOU GET YOUR ASS OUT THERE AND FAIR GAME EVERY BARNES AND NOBLE UNTIL THEY BOW TO OUR DEMANDS! I DON’T CARE HOW MANY STORES THEY HAVE, I WANT IT DONE NOW! DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO THE RPF? THEN GET YOUR ASS…….
By the way, RB, if you’re reading this, you are more than welcome to use this dialogue in one of your installments.
Funny, but it wouldn’t be the RPF but the HOLE these days, since the RPF got to be too visible to wogs/law enforcement, and there was an on-policy way to get out — eventually.
Dang, man! If you’re going to troll, at least put some effort in. FLUNK
Oh boy, I don’t miss “FLUNK!” at all these days. It was such an all-purpose put-down.
Helfreid,
I can just picture you sitting at your desk in your mothers basement playing excitedly with yourself with one hand as you one finger type your well thought out hard hitting and emotionally devestating comment. Make sure you have a handful of tisues nearby to clean up the mess as you hit the post comment button.
Hi Helfreid, are you a pimp on the OSA boat ?
“seems like you may be running out of interesting topics.”
Technically, that is making a statement on “behalf of others, or everyone.” which is, in of itself, “a generality”. (isn’t that a trait of an anti-social personality?).
Would it not have been more accurate to state something to the effect of: “Seems like you may be running out of interesting topics for me.”, or “I find this to be a very uninteresting topic.”, or simply not comment at all?
Then you state: “If so, you can always talk about your book again. Just ask yourself which topic is more boring and see what you think.”
Yes, he certainly could – and while you might not be interested in it, or that you find it to be “boring” (again, you’re assuming everyone, like yourself, would also find it boring – don’t you?), others may be intrigued, and would buy it, and get some information of his experience, and you know, they’d all make up their OWN minds about things, don’t you think?
I can only guess, that the “other” you speak on behalf of would be the “BOC” (no, i didn’t type that wrong – since it’s “board on a chair” – hard, flat, rigid, and thoughtless), Mr. Mickiewicz. (and… speaking of J&D…. guilty as charged).
Also – while I know that he has a book – you just reminded me about it – and as such, you helped “promote” the book, So thanks (I’m i a middle of some books right now – so I haven’t read it yet).