Madge is always my favorite character. I smile when I open RB and see her in the frames below. She should become CO I/C ED and Granny Poobah of the entire PAC operations. Vote for Madge for new COB!
RB, you a moonshiner on the side?
You’ve just distilled what it’s truly like to be on staff in a handful of images with dialog. Oh the shivers that just ran down my spine… yuck, the hangover of once being involved with kool aid drinking staff members never really leaves you. Great to see the worm throw a counter punch though. However, the SO recruiters will now realize that worm as being a similarly motivated and resourceful ally – she’s next!
To the ‘never ins,’ try to wrap your thinking gear around this… this is more representative of life on staff than you can ever imagine. You know that feeling, when the headmaster wants to see you in his office and you don’t know why (yet)… yeah well, times that by a factor of 10.
This one will give me nightmares. I remember the Sea Org mission that came to Salt Lake Mission and took me away. I wasn’t even Mission Staff, just public. I think the two missionaires in that cartoon were the same ones who recruited me now that I think of it.
Lol. Whenever they came by doing recruiting, which by the way included SO showing up at your residence unannounced, I would just tell that I did LSD. They started to wise up by saying there was a invalidation of the LSD line by saying you didn’t actually take LSD but just something like lysergic acid. This line went that the diluted form wasn’t permanent so you were still eligible for SO. The lengths recruiters go to, whether SO or military.
Sick bastards. That was one boat that never would have sailed with me on it.
Salt Lake Org, eh?
Okay, here’s a joke.
Two Sea Org members are coming out of the org when they nearly collide with two young LDS missionaries going in the opposite direction. The elders won’t make way for the Sea Org guys and the Sea Org refuse to do the same for the two young elders.
Finally the senior Sea Org guy says with a sneer “Hah! Church Of JESUS CHRIST Of Latter-Day Saints? What a load of horseshit! Listen, you two! We in the Sea Org do not give way for people who disseminate false data!”
The two elders look at each other, then step to one side with a smile, saying “That’s okay. We do”.
These RBs with Staff communications are just a hoot… the lingo, good God, what a nightmare.
And I always imagine the sound of crickets in the background, in these empty and dead scientology mausoleums. Very appropriate.
If scientology had a soundtrack, it would either be crickets chirping, or perhaps the sound of wind blowing a tumbleweed through a dusty wild west mining town that has been abandoned, maybe with a rusty kiosk in the distance still looping a scratchy recording of LRH droning on about some nonsense.
Unfortunately, Davey Miscavige’s altered voices would be echoing through the over amplified speakers somewhere in the background. billions and billions of times…
1984 – I’ve not heard that expression in eons, but you are absolutely correct. $ is a fully functioning working model of the ‘Peter Principle’ and it explains Everything!
It’s the Peter Principle but worse than usual – at the Int Base for example you can’t get new staff. And you are always losing staff. Everybody is a volunteer. Some have training or skills in some areas but most don’t.
The result is that most jobs are held by folks who don’t have any business coming anywhere near that kind of job. Including plumbing and electrical, management, medical care, food preparation, just about every job you would find in a small village. The job is held by someone who hasn’t been busted recently on some other job. Or assigned by the order of someone who wants to punish you with a rotten job. No other qualifications required.
Add to that the Sea Org principle that anybody has done any job that exists sometime in their millions of prior lifetimes. You are expected to step up and do the job, trained or not, apt for the purpose or not, intelligent or stupid, whatever. Just do it. Like the time Hana Eltringham was assigned to captain a sea-going vessel. With no experience on the ocean at all.
Or the time Denise Delderfield was assigned to edit the Basic Books. Denise does speak English with a heavy accent but knows her French a lot better. But because she was once married to the famed Ken Delderfield, editor of the famous Org Executive Course volumes and trusted L Ron Hubbard Compilations In Charge (before he got busted to delivery driver and then blew) she got the assignment to finish up the basic books. I don’t think that lasted long, and Dave likes to brag that he did all the editing himself (with his 10th grade education). Somebody did battle with the semicolons so the copyrights wouldn’t expire. We may never know who.
You may get some training. But it will be Scientology style training, starting with whatever Hubbard had to say about that job. No matter how obsolete or inane, the Hubbard dicta come first and are forced in. Then maybe you would read some old textbooks or a user manual that is lying around.
It is truly a wonder that place hasn’t blown up or burned down a long time ago. If you ever wonder why the promotional items look like they were designed by fifth graders and written by folks who speak English as a second language – they are! No criticism implied of fifth graders or folks who don’t speak English..
If you’ve read anything Janis Gillam Grady wrote, or were ever a staff member, you will understand that L. Ron Hubbard staffed scientology that way from the start. Everyone was supposed to have lived so many lives before that they had already done every job there ever was to do so they were just supposed to remember how to do it. So, you either got little or no training, or you got very detailed training that was invented by Ron and you had to follow that training to a T whether or not it was smart, safe or the correct way to do it.
Yea. I wish. Funny though.
I believe in “real life” Kelly would be in shit-tons of trouble – Lower Ethics Conditions, sec-checking, etc.
Kelly would learn to keep her mouth shut and when her 2 1/2 year contract is up she’d do her best to bail – forever.
That is what I did.
I completed my 5-Year contract and steadfastly refused to re-sign.
Being on staff would have been difficult regardless but so many of the problems were self-inflicted and there were just so much stupidity and pointless unpleasantness.
The last nail in this coffin was the appearance on the scene of the Finance Police (an insane Sea Org Unit that operated like a cross between the Mafia and the Gestapo.)
Over the years I had a great deal of attention from Sea Org recruiters but never gave in. For decades afterwards, I still had bad dreams about rejoining staff.
Everyone was ordered to write up their O/Ws on anything financial and take the amnesty. Anything found out as not reported after the amnesty would have severe and inflated consequences.
Oh yahhh…. those were interesting times… heads rolled …
Best R.B. I’ve read so far…..I would 3rd Tommy’s suggestion in action…..Madge confronted by the SO to join…….hope she’d be wearing heavy duty Depends Undergarments!…
Yes! That would be so cool! And at the end Madge finds out the truth about Scientology, has to confront it and winds up calling the Aftermath Foundation who then rescue her and find her a nice retirement village with everything she needs so she can live out the rest of her life in serenity.
Ah, but to contact Aftermath she needs access to a phone which they won’t let her use without a written CSW.
Oooooohh. Ethics actions.
The drama builds.
This I like! Also in the basket is that asshole ex-husband of hers who joined the SO decades earlier.
I think the appropriate background musical score for that scene would be Kenny Loggins’ “I’m Free”.
Good move, Kelly! Get that old hag out of your org! And while you’re at it, make sure you tell those two people about the Aftermath Foundation.
Sounds like they’re gonna need it!
Hubbard would have immediately promoted Kelly to his personal staff. THAT was the kind of person he valued! Sneaky and subtle! LOL Great post, RB!!!
Madge is always my favorite character. I smile when I open RB and see her in the frames below. She should become CO I/C ED and Granny Poobah of the entire PAC operations. Vote for Madge for new COB!
RB, you a moonshiner on the side?
You’ve just distilled what it’s truly like to be on staff in a handful of images with dialog. Oh the shivers that just ran down my spine… yuck, the hangover of once being involved with kool aid drinking staff members never really leaves you. Great to see the worm throw a counter punch though. However, the SO recruiters will now realize that worm as being a similarly motivated and resourceful ally – she’s next!
To the ‘never ins,’ try to wrap your thinking gear around this… this is more representative of life on staff than you can ever imagine. You know that feeling, when the headmaster wants to see you in his office and you don’t know why (yet)… yeah well, times that by a factor of 10.
Here’s hoping that hangover wears off soon
Thanks for the sentiment Tom, but I mask it pretty well with conventional hangovers.
This one will give me nightmares. I remember the Sea Org mission that came to Salt Lake Mission and took me away. I wasn’t even Mission Staff, just public. I think the two missionaires in that cartoon were the same ones who recruited me now that I think of it.
Lol. Whenever they came by doing recruiting, which by the way included SO showing up at your residence unannounced, I would just tell that I did LSD. They started to wise up by saying there was a invalidation of the LSD line by saying you didn’t actually take LSD but just something like lysergic acid. This line went that the diluted form wasn’t permanent so you were still eligible for SO. The lengths recruiters go to, whether SO or military.
Sick bastards. That was one boat that never would have sailed with me on it.
Salt Lake Org, eh?
Okay, here’s a joke.
Two Sea Org members are coming out of the org when they nearly collide with two young LDS missionaries going in the opposite direction. The elders won’t make way for the Sea Org guys and the Sea Org refuse to do the same for the two young elders.
Finally the senior Sea Org guy says with a sneer “Hah! Church Of JESUS CHRIST Of Latter-Day Saints? What a load of horseshit! Listen, you two! We in the Sea Org do not give way for people who disseminate false data!”
The two elders look at each other, then step to one side with a smile, saying “That’s okay. We do”.
These RBs with Staff communications are just a hoot… the lingo, good God, what a nightmare.
And I always imagine the sound of crickets in the background, in these empty and dead scientology mausoleums. Very appropriate.
If scientology had a soundtrack, it would either be crickets chirping, or perhaps the sound of wind blowing a tumbleweed through a dusty wild west mining town that has been abandoned, maybe with a rusty kiosk in the distance still looping a scratchy recording of LRH droning on about some nonsense.
“If scientology had a soundtrack, it would either be crickets chirping, or perhaps the …” the echo of their voices coming right back at them.
Unfortunately, Davey Miscavige’s altered voices would be echoing through the over amplified speakers somewhere in the background. billions and billions of times…
How about the “clink” of a cell door?
Laughing my ass off.
Absolutely hillarious !
all of the calls I get are SO/Staff fishing expeditions. – and they’re on a real tear recently – I’m getting them from all over.
The mailings are mainly begging for donations to any of the dozen causes.
Once in a blue moon there’s something about getting onto service.
….
it’s fun to say NO to everything.
Let’s needle the poor bastards still in the Bubble by spreading a new acronym to replace KSW. I suggest KSFI – Keep Scientology From Imploding
KSFU. Needs no explanation.
ummm….too late.
Looks like the “Peter Principal” in action, and explains part of the problem.
1984 – I’ve not heard that expression in eons, but you are absolutely correct. $ is a fully functioning working model of the ‘Peter Principle’ and it explains Everything!
It’s the Peter Principle but worse than usual – at the Int Base for example you can’t get new staff. And you are always losing staff. Everybody is a volunteer. Some have training or skills in some areas but most don’t.
The result is that most jobs are held by folks who don’t have any business coming anywhere near that kind of job. Including plumbing and electrical, management, medical care, food preparation, just about every job you would find in a small village. The job is held by someone who hasn’t been busted recently on some other job. Or assigned by the order of someone who wants to punish you with a rotten job. No other qualifications required.
Add to that the Sea Org principle that anybody has done any job that exists sometime in their millions of prior lifetimes. You are expected to step up and do the job, trained or not, apt for the purpose or not, intelligent or stupid, whatever. Just do it. Like the time Hana Eltringham was assigned to captain a sea-going vessel. With no experience on the ocean at all.
Or the time Denise Delderfield was assigned to edit the Basic Books. Denise does speak English with a heavy accent but knows her French a lot better. But because she was once married to the famed Ken Delderfield, editor of the famous Org Executive Course volumes and trusted L Ron Hubbard Compilations In Charge (before he got busted to delivery driver and then blew) she got the assignment to finish up the basic books. I don’t think that lasted long, and Dave likes to brag that he did all the editing himself (with his 10th grade education). Somebody did battle with the semicolons so the copyrights wouldn’t expire. We may never know who.
You may get some training. But it will be Scientology style training, starting with whatever Hubbard had to say about that job. No matter how obsolete or inane, the Hubbard dicta come first and are forced in. Then maybe you would read some old textbooks or a user manual that is lying around.
It is truly a wonder that place hasn’t blown up or burned down a long time ago. If you ever wonder why the promotional items look like they were designed by fifth graders and written by folks who speak English as a second language – they are! No criticism implied of fifth graders or folks who don’t speak English..
If you’ve read anything Janis Gillam Grady wrote, or were ever a staff member, you will understand that L. Ron Hubbard staffed scientology that way from the start. Everyone was supposed to have lived so many lives before that they had already done every job there ever was to do so they were just supposed to remember how to do it. So, you either got little or no training, or you got very detailed training that was invented by Ron and you had to follow that training to a T whether or not it was smart, safe or the correct way to do it.
Congrats RB,seriously funny.
Yea. I wish. Funny though.
I believe in “real life” Kelly would be in shit-tons of trouble – Lower Ethics Conditions, sec-checking, etc.
Kelly would learn to keep her mouth shut and when her 2 1/2 year contract is up she’d do her best to bail – forever.
That is what I did.
I completed my 5-Year contract and steadfastly refused to re-sign.
Being on staff would have been difficult regardless but so many of the problems were self-inflicted and there were just so much stupidity and pointless unpleasantness.
The last nail in this coffin was the appearance on the scene of the Finance Police (an insane Sea Org Unit that operated like a cross between the Mafia and the Gestapo.)
Over the years I had a great deal of attention from Sea Org recruiters but never gave in. For decades afterwards, I still had bad dreams about rejoining staff.
oooooooohhhh YES.
The advent of the Int Finance Police.
I recall it well on a ground level – Class V org.
Everyone was ordered to write up their O/Ws on anything financial and take the amnesty. Anything found out as not reported after the amnesty would have severe and inflated consequences.
Oh yahhh…. those were interesting times… heads rolled …
Kelly is management material.
ahahahahahhaha. Good R B. The irony of it all. LOL
Madge…hoist…petard. ‘nuf said.
I hate to say it but Madge deserves to be recruited in the Sea Org
Bat shit crazy!
HAHA!!! Take that Madge! Please please please RB make next week’s story about Madge being confronted by the SO to join.
Hahaha! Great one. I second that Tommy J. ?
Best R.B. I’ve read so far…..I would 3rd Tommy’s suggestion in action…..Madge confronted by the SO to join…….hope she’d be wearing heavy duty Depends Undergarments!…
…or Madge in the non-existent RPF.
I sincerely hope this is the first in a long line of “Madge in the Sea Org” RB’s.
Madge in the today’ s Sea Org.Love it too.Anyone else?
Yes! That would be so cool! And at the end Madge finds out the truth about Scientology, has to confront it and winds up calling the Aftermath Foundation who then rescue her and find her a nice retirement village with everything she needs so she can live out the rest of her life in serenity.
Ah, but to contact Aftermath she needs access to a phone which they won’t let her use without a written CSW.
Oooooohh. Ethics actions.
The drama builds.
Madge can also soak David Miscavige’s hands in Palmolive, and then dunk his sorry face in it.
Ha, ha! And then he sends her sorry ass to the Hole for eternity as the RPF supposedly no longer exists!
Or Madge on a SENIOR Tricycle with her meager possession stored in the basket, Pedaling as fast as she can OUT the front gate to BLOW!
This I like! Also in the basket is that asshole ex-husband of hers who joined the SO decades earlier.
I think the appropriate background musical score for that scene would be Kenny Loggins’ “I’m Free”.
Oh, and when you say “meager possession “, are you referring to the clipboard?
I’m going to personally donate a $1,000 headhunter’s reward to Kelly!
Haha, perfect! Later, Madge!
Kelly killing two birds with one stone! Now that’s how you KSW!
Good move, Kelly! Get that old hag out of your org! And while you’re at it, make sure you tell those two people about the Aftermath Foundation.
Sounds like they’re gonna need it!