True story. In the 1970’s survivalism hit La and one of my wicked buddies spoofed some of them. He put an ad in the LA Free Press to sell cases of 24 12 oz. cans of dehydrated water. Open can and fill with water, and presto— instant water. He got some 30-40 orders and planned on sending them their empty cans. His college got wind of it and advised him that fraud would get him kicked out of school.
I am sure he could pull that stunt today and get rich. I’m thinking of Real Water and Alkaline Water as similar scams.
Glad to see in the last panel that hubby’s starting to come around!
At any rate, here’s a little something I wrote that sort of relates to this week’s RB feature:
DAVY’S CHURCH
(sung to the tune of Ruth Wallis’ “Davy’s Dinghy”)
Of all the churches under the sun
Davy’s is the one that ain’t real fun!
Many years ago when they played ‘Gunsmoke’ on TV,
A red haired man began a church called Scientology.
You could achieve perfect health if by him you were led,
But by early 1986 the red haired man was dead.
Of al the churches under the sun
Davy’s is the one that ain’t real fun!
When the red haired man let out a sigh and bought the farm
Pat and Annie Broeker sought to keep the church from harm.
Then a young boy named Miscavige went and took control
And ejected all of Red Hair’s friends and sent them to the hole.
Of all the churches under the sun
Davy’s is the one that ain’t real fun!
Now many church donations will not leave you in a lurch.
This is not the case when you walk into Davy’s Church.
He’ll tell you that the more you give the more that you can win!
For $300,000.00 you can get a pretty pin!
Of all the churches under the sun
Davy’s is the one that ain’t real fun!
The way that Davy runs his church has got him in a mess!
It’s even raising eyebrows with the good old IRS!
Davy’s mad behavior is laid bare for all to see
Due to some guy on the internet and a lady on TV!
Of all the churches under the sun
Davy’s is the one that ain’t real fun!
Davy’s now in hiding and he’s fighting for his life!
‘Cause everybody wants to know what happened to his wife.
He won’t appear in public nor will he be ever seen
At any of his church events ’cause all you folks are mean!
Of all the churches under the sun
Davy’s is the one that ain’t real fun!
Of all the churches under the sun
Davy’s is the one that ain’t real fun!
Hey potty mouths…your slinging smut reminds me of, “Here I sit broken hearted…came to shit and only farted.” and “He who shits on shit house walls rolls his shit in little balls”.
You guys stink so how about not trying to dominate any rap cause you ain’t got anything useful to say. Piss off and get a life.
Makes sense,. Only you know what is good for us. Why you even read this stuff if it rilles you up?
Go re-mock up your reactive bank you didn’t have till LRH said you did.
Find some BTs and blame all your problems on them.
Or… Spend a weekend with yourself ?
Find yourself. I know you are thinking of it.
Dear Ron, I have read it many times. I assume you mean TWTH instead of THTH. Scientologist don’t seem to be able to proof read either. Did you notice the precept do not tell any “harmful” lies? Most of Scientology is a lie if you choose to open your eyes, but unfortunately harmful to many families that are broken up.
I am always in awe of the class and dignity displayed from the most ethical people on the planet. Your nobility and refinement is truly a example to us all.
But seriously….pottymouth is the best you got? When you graduate Mace Kingsley kindergarten please come back and try again. But as our illustrious Patrol of the Absurd, Old Surfer Dude, says Bwaaahahahaha.
Ron seems to have multiple personalities and writing styles. Recently “he” posted in all caps. I bet this is a nom de plume—or is should that be nom de digit?—for any scio assigned to post on this blog.
You have some SERIOUS NERVE talking above “slinging smut” when your cult slings shit daily and lies through their goddamn teeth to everyone, including YOU.
Get a life?? That’s pretty funny coming from someone who still believes in BT’s, super powers, Xenu, the e-meter, snitching on friends & family by writing KR’s, and Hubburd’s vile, cruel and horrific policies.
Speaking of rap: Please ask $cientology to stop putting out videos of members who attempt to be rappers but fail miserably. The most hilarious one was recently posted to Ortega’s blog and everyone had one hell of a laugh.
I was fortunate enough to never have been involved in $cientology, even though I live quite close to Los Angeles and had known about it for the last 20 years or more.
Did you happen to see the, umm, “music video” (if you can call it that) on Tony’s blog recently? If memory serves, I’m pretty sure it was some Australian member who fancies himself a rapper. His “rap moves” (LOL!) and lyrics are SO dorky and embarrassing. It was hysterical…. and beyond cringeworthy.
Morning Ron , glad to see your at least allowed to read Mikes Blog , do you also read Tony Ortaga and Leah , at least your looking for the truth , if you need any help try the Aftermath Foundation , we are all here. Im not going to mock or degrade you, im going to thank you for starting a journey
I’m curious, Ron Howarth. Why all the scatalogical and bathroom references when the post you’re criticising contains none of them. But do stick around here, Ron Howarth. You just might learn something.
“Read and apply THTH and begin to win.” Laughable advice coming from such a loser.
W.ow Ron,
Nice to see a new bot rising to the surface of Dave’s scum bag. You are an awesome writer …….. and I assume THTH is a plug for Dave’s new book coming out “THEY HATE THE HOLE”.
Say hi to Eff Pee from all of us out here on the fringes ……. and do something fun for a change rather than obsessing over all of us on the blog.
Great one RB. The true ‘ending cycle’ on Scientology finally begins to get through with someone engaging being honest with another about one’s memory of people’s activities with, about and in Scientology. Then back it up through a bottle of wine and a sampler plate of seafood to spread the word.
It’s quite amazing and equally devastating how hanging onto to the Scientology inspired so called lifestyle of donations for the good of all can be so infectious. The sooner the culties wake up to their own hypnotic language the better.
Hubbard was quite the hypnotist with developing study tech and there is only ever one source for all of life’s answers.
With so many scientologists becoming UTR, and congrats to them, I wonder how those Thursday stays are trending?
Who am I kidding, we all know which direction the stats are trending. How the hell is Miscavige’s Sherman (if Shakespeare had a mullet) going to spin all these downstats in the next piece of glossy propaganda?
I love this episode, RB. The dawning realization that one has been fooled is powerful motivator. I LOVE the UTR crowd!
Spicy chicken wings? They look like roasted palmetto bugs (really big southern cockroaches) to me. Increase your havingness by eating the protein running around your yard!
Some sometimes say, “better a louse on the cabbage than no meat at all.”
Remember that Steve McQueen movie, ‘Papillon,’ cockroach fricassee. One does what it takes to survive, Scientologists are very skilled in reversing that.
LOL that’s what I thought they were too. One got in my uniform pants while I was on the John doing #2 on the 4th floor of the Anthony Building. Karen and Heber lived across the hall, Mr James Byrne and Enid next to the President. I let out an especially loud scream wherein several neighbors came to my rescue.
What a hell-hole building that was – is.
What we well-intentioned persons did for this planet that was robbed and never touched the surface.
I’m quite grateful it’s not the fasted growing cult on the planet.
Thank you RB, I love the good endings.
Can you do one about our children phoning home? I do miss my children and another holiday is coming…
Off topic and trivial true confession: a few months ago wifey and I went into the local food co-op, where a guy had a table set up selling some kind of “super healthy” protein smoothie mix. He didn’t look all that healthy himself, but he was a slick huckster with all the au courant buzz words about “cleansing” and “healing.” Mentioned that we were both trying to lose weight and that gave him an opening to press his speil. I usually ignore “kool aid” like this, but for some reason I bought into it that day, to the tune of a $35 purchase. I happened to look in the cupboard this morning and saw that bag of super duper protein powder ignored and unopened.
Kind of a weird item to donate to the local food bank, so I guess it’ll just stay in the cupboard.
Why am I writing this? Perhaps to show that no one is ever immune to some degree of gullability.
We were gullable when we got in and gullable when we got out. It’s OK. All part of learning – so what if it takes years. I’d rather be trusting and kind then paranoid and stingy. Those guys got in too and most are still there.
I love it when people start seeing sense! Still it’s a little disappointing that they are missing out on a presentation from the wonderfully named Klaus Kackenstrudel
Has anyone ever attended one of these “Prosperity Seminars”? From reading this blog I gather the message is usually donate more than you can afford to and somehow you will magically get it plus more back?
Doug, you didn’t miss much. The LRH datum used mostly is outflow=inflow. Spend every dime now while it is needed now to help scientology expand and save this civilization. No, you didn’t miss a thing. These guys live on their 10% commissions and yes, the orgs pay the travel.
It depended on what type of seminar it was, those advertised here typically gave you a load of l ron spiel then ended up with individuals being regged for money for whatever cause was currently flavor of the week. The WISE seminars were ok, you just turned up, listened to the speakers, did silly exercises and asked questions, regges werent allowed into the room but it didn’t stop them hanging round at breaks and at the end of the seminar to grab the unwary.
To: Newcomer and Aquamarine
From: David Miscavige COB RTC
Re: your little conversation
WHO IN THE HELL AUTHORIZED THIS SHIT? IT SURE AS HELL WASN’T ME! I’LL BE BACK TO DEAL WITH YOU TWO AS SOON AS I AM DONE HANDLING ALCOBOY AND THAT SILLY SONG HE JUST POSTED!
ML
Dave.
To: David Miscavige COB RTC
From: Alcoboy
Re: your attempts to handle me
You try anything at all and I’ll write another song about you and you won’t like this one! Something about you, a bottle of scotch, a bed, and Tom Cruise.
So back off, midget!
It’s impossible to keep the truth about Scientology out of the bubble. It’s now ubiquitous thanks to all the books, articles and in particular Aftermath series. RB you a great reflector of what’s happening right now. Thanks again for a cool post this week.
Haha. What is the running gag about spicy chicken wings? I don’t know, but it’s making me hungry. (And for what they cost you at one of these “events”, they’d better be pretty tasty!)
When I was in and had to attend any Scientology event I’d always try to eat beforehand. It was never a good idea to be hungry at one of these things because with few exceptions the food was cheap carb crap.
Victimorius… that is a new word! IAS Patron Victimorius.
What does it mean? We need a definition for this new word.
It reminds me of when Stephen Colbert created the word truthiness.
Regraded Being Author created a new word, congrats!
Re: Dehumidified water.
True story. In the 1970’s survivalism hit La and one of my wicked buddies spoofed some of them. He put an ad in the LA Free Press to sell cases of 24 12 oz. cans of dehydrated water. Open can and fill with water, and presto— instant water. He got some 30-40 orders and planned on sending them their empty cans. His college got wind of it and advised him that fraud would get him kicked out of school.
I am sure he could pull that stunt today and get rich. I’m thinking of Real Water and Alkaline Water as similar scams.
Glad to see in the last panel that hubby’s starting to come around!
At any rate, here’s a little something I wrote that sort of relates to this week’s RB feature:
DAVY’S CHURCH
(sung to the tune of Ruth Wallis’ “Davy’s Dinghy”)
Of all the churches under the sun
Davy’s is the one that ain’t real fun!
Many years ago when they played ‘Gunsmoke’ on TV,
A red haired man began a church called Scientology.
You could achieve perfect health if by him you were led,
But by early 1986 the red haired man was dead.
Of al the churches under the sun
Davy’s is the one that ain’t real fun!
When the red haired man let out a sigh and bought the farm
Pat and Annie Broeker sought to keep the church from harm.
Then a young boy named Miscavige went and took control
And ejected all of Red Hair’s friends and sent them to the hole.
Of all the churches under the sun
Davy’s is the one that ain’t real fun!
Now many church donations will not leave you in a lurch.
This is not the case when you walk into Davy’s Church.
He’ll tell you that the more you give the more that you can win!
For $300,000.00 you can get a pretty pin!
Of all the churches under the sun
Davy’s is the one that ain’t real fun!
The way that Davy runs his church has got him in a mess!
It’s even raising eyebrows with the good old IRS!
Davy’s mad behavior is laid bare for all to see
Due to some guy on the internet and a lady on TV!
Of all the churches under the sun
Davy’s is the one that ain’t real fun!
Davy’s now in hiding and he’s fighting for his life!
‘Cause everybody wants to know what happened to his wife.
He won’t appear in public nor will he be ever seen
At any of his church events ’cause all you folks are mean!
Of all the churches under the sun
Davy’s is the one that ain’t real fun!
Of all the churches under the sun
Davy’s is the one that ain’t real fun!
‘
Hey potty mouths…your slinging smut reminds me of, “Here I sit broken hearted…came to shit and only farted.” and “He who shits on shit house walls rolls his shit in little balls”.
You guys stink so how about not trying to dominate any rap cause you ain’t got anything useful to say. Piss off and get a life.
Read and apply THTH and begin to win.
Bwahahahahahahahahahahah!!! Now that’s some funny shit!
Makes sense,. Only you know what is good for us. Why you even read this stuff if it rilles you up?
Go re-mock up your reactive bank you didn’t have till LRH said you did.
Find some BTs and blame all your problems on them.
Or… Spend a weekend with yourself ?
Find yourself. I know you are thinking of it.
Dear Ron, I have read it many times. I assume you mean TWTH instead of THTH. Scientologist don’t seem to be able to proof read either. Did you notice the precept do not tell any “harmful” lies? Most of Scientology is a lie if you choose to open your eyes, but unfortunately harmful to many families that are broken up.
Heh Ron H
You are mocking up your reactive mind but can’t stop it or control it
And
Your BT’s are very naughty!
And
You got a cluster of BT’s holding down a 7
A=A=A
Now fess up
What are your Crimes?
I am always in awe of the class and dignity displayed from the most ethical people on the planet. Your nobility and refinement is truly a example to us all.
But seriously….pottymouth is the best you got? When you graduate Mace Kingsley kindergarten please come back and try again. But as our illustrious Patrol of the Absurd, Old Surfer Dude, says Bwaaahahahaha.
Ron seems to have multiple personalities and writing styles. Recently “he” posted in all caps. I bet this is a nom de plume—or is should that be nom de digit?—for any scio assigned to post on this blog.
Hey, Howarth!
Check out my cute song in yhe comment above yours!
Ron Howarth —
You have some SERIOUS NERVE talking above “slinging smut” when your cult slings shit daily and lies through their goddamn teeth to everyone, including YOU.
Get a life?? That’s pretty funny coming from someone who still believes in BT’s, super powers, Xenu, the e-meter, snitching on friends & family by writing KR’s, and Hubburd’s vile, cruel and horrific policies.
Speaking of rap: Please ask $cientology to stop putting out videos of members who attempt to be rappers but fail miserably. The most hilarious one was recently posted to Ortega’s blog and everyone had one hell of a laugh.
Hot Damn KIC – you just summed up WHAT IS Scientology
In three short paragraphs!
VWD!
I loved how you so perfectly described what the cult actually IS!
Lol…thanks.
I was fortunate enough to never have been involved in $cientology, even though I live quite close to Los Angeles and had known about it for the last 20 years or more.
Did you happen to see the, umm, “music video” (if you can call it that) on Tony’s blog recently? If memory serves, I’m pretty sure it was some Australian member who fancies himself a rapper. His “rap moves” (LOL!) and lyrics are SO dorky and embarrassing. It was hysterical…. and beyond cringeworthy.
I’ll post the link in a few…
Here’s the link to this awful video.
Any musician — especially any rapper — would laugh their asses off at this utter crap.
I seriously LOVE how this guy swears a few times as if he thinks he’s a gangsta. LOL!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Zm6GjzFJ8gA
Morning Ron , glad to see your at least allowed to read Mikes Blog , do you also read Tony Ortaga and Leah , at least your looking for the truth , if you need any help try the Aftermath Foundation , we are all here. Im not going to mock or degrade you, im going to thank you for starting a journey
I’m curious, Ron Howarth. Why all the scatalogical and bathroom references when the post you’re criticising contains none of them. But do stick around here, Ron Howarth. You just might learn something.
“Read and apply THTH and begin to win.” Laughable advice coming from such a loser.
Ron, you can kiss my cans.
W.ow Ron,
Nice to see a new bot rising to the surface of Dave’s scum bag. You are an awesome writer …….. and I assume THTH is a plug for Dave’s new book coming out “THEY HATE THE HOLE”.
Say hi to Eff Pee from all of us out here on the fringes ……. and do something fun for a change rather than obsessing over all of us on the blog.
Oh, Newcomer…
You know Ron H can’t help but to obsess about this blog; just like FP.
Not sure what he can do for fun…. perhaps run around a pole for a few hours? Lol.
Oooh…how cute! You got an upvote — probably from the other fanatic who comes around here: Foolproof.
Great one RB. The true ‘ending cycle’ on Scientology finally begins to get through with someone engaging being honest with another about one’s memory of people’s activities with, about and in Scientology. Then back it up through a bottle of wine and a sampler plate of seafood to spread the word.
It’s quite amazing and equally devastating how hanging onto to the Scientology inspired so called lifestyle of donations for the good of all can be so infectious. The sooner the culties wake up to their own hypnotic language the better.
Hubbard was quite the hypnotist with developing study tech and there is only ever one source for all of life’s answers.
With so many scientologists becoming UTR, and congrats to them, I wonder how those Thursday stays are trending?
Who am I kidding, we all know which direction the stats are trending. How the hell is Miscavige’s Sherman (if Shakespeare had a mullet) going to spin all these downstats in the next piece of glossy propaganda?
I love this episode, RB. The dawning realization that one has been fooled is powerful motivator. I LOVE the UTR crowd!
I LOVE it…how many couples have had this exact conversation. LOL
Spicy chicken wings? They look like roasted palmetto bugs (really big southern cockroaches) to me. Increase your havingness by eating the protein running around your yard!
I had the same thought! Palmetto bugs, these huge cockroaches you find in the semi-tropics. OMG!
Some sometimes say, “better a louse on the cabbage than no meat at all.”
Remember that Steve McQueen movie, ‘Papillon,’ cockroach fricassee. One does what it takes to survive, Scientologists are very skilled in reversing that.
That was a great movie.
LOL that’s what I thought they were too. One got in my uniform pants while I was on the John doing #2 on the 4th floor of the Anthony Building. Karen and Heber lived across the hall, Mr James Byrne and Enid next to the President. I let out an especially loud scream wherein several neighbors came to my rescue.
What a hell-hole building that was – is.
What we well-intentioned persons did for this planet that was robbed and never touched the surface.
I’m quite grateful it’s not the fasted growing cult on the planet.
Thank you RB, I love the good endings.
Can you do one about our children phoning home? I do miss my children and another holiday is coming…
Off topic and trivial true confession: a few months ago wifey and I went into the local food co-op, where a guy had a table set up selling some kind of “super healthy” protein smoothie mix. He didn’t look all that healthy himself, but he was a slick huckster with all the au courant buzz words about “cleansing” and “healing.” Mentioned that we were both trying to lose weight and that gave him an opening to press his speil. I usually ignore “kool aid” like this, but for some reason I bought into it that day, to the tune of a $35 purchase. I happened to look in the cupboard this morning and saw that bag of super duper protein powder ignored and unopened.
Kind of a weird item to donate to the local food bank, so I guess it’ll just stay in the cupboard.
Why am I writing this? Perhaps to show that no one is ever immune to some degree of gullability.
Dehumidified water LOL! That’s freaking brilliant…
Dehumidified Water!
Hysterical!
Why do Scientologists and ex members get easily hornswoggled into get rich scams?
It seems to be a common side effect
I guess they have been trained to BE SCAMMED and Bamboozled By Scientrickery!
They need to run that out
We were gullable when we got in and gullable when we got out. It’s OK. All part of learning – so what if it takes years. I’d rather be trusting and kind then paranoid and stingy. Those guys got in too and most are still there.
Dehumanized Water?
That would be called Daveshit.
Another couple on their way out…. 🙂
And it will expand exponentially.
Love found a way.
With a little heap from the CC statements.
Miscavige will need a new bottle of McCallan when he see’s UTRs are spreading the word to each other.
Wow! You nailed it, RB.
RB, I am on the floor. The people in my office are staring at me as I howl. I don’t know where to begin to comment. Thank you, RB!
Begin. Just, begin
Klaus Kackenstrudel, formerly known as Siegfried Scheissentorte, and with more than a passing resemblance to Rafferty Pendery.
Siegfried Scheissentorte!
Das ist sehr gut!
Oder ist er auch ‘Siegfried Scheisskopf’?
That’s exactly what the cat said.
I love it when people start seeing sense! Still it’s a little disappointing that they are missing out on a presentation from the wonderfully named Klaus Kackenstrudel
I love the RB’s that end this way. They just went from being UTR individually to UTR as a unit.
Has anyone ever attended one of these “Prosperity Seminars”? From reading this blog I gather the message is usually donate more than you can afford to and somehow you will magically get it plus more back?
I think I read a story about one of these that described a seminar on new ways to take out debt to finance the donations.
Doug, you didn’t miss much. The LRH datum used mostly is outflow=inflow. Spend every dime now while it is needed now to help scientology expand and save this civilization. No, you didn’t miss a thing. These guys live on their 10% commissions and yes, the orgs pay the travel.
It depended on what type of seminar it was, those advertised here typically gave you a load of l ron spiel then ended up with individuals being regged for money for whatever cause was currently flavor of the week. The WISE seminars were ok, you just turned up, listened to the speakers, did silly exercises and asked questions, regges werent allowed into the room but it didn’t stop them hanging round at breaks and at the end of the seminar to grab the unwary.
RB rules the clam bed. Everything in $cientology is a pyramid scheme and everyone but the boss is the victim.
Famous last lies. . . “I won’t write a KR. I promise.”
TRUST ME …………. Dave …………I’ll never say anything bad about yer cult.
Thanks………………, Good Buddy………………I BELIEVE YOU.
Much love,
Dave
Oh, who are we kidding. FUCK YOU, short stuff!!!
To: Newcomer and Aquamarine
From: David Miscavige COB RTC
Re: your little conversation
WHO IN THE HELL AUTHORIZED THIS SHIT? IT SURE AS HELL WASN’T ME! I’LL BE BACK TO DEAL WITH YOU TWO AS SOON AS I AM DONE HANDLING ALCOBOY AND THAT SILLY SONG HE JUST POSTED!
ML
Dave.
To: David Miscavige COB RTC
From: Alcoboy
Re: your attempts to handle me
You try anything at all and I’ll write another song about you and you won’t like this one! Something about you, a bottle of scotch, a bed, and Tom Cruise.
So back off, midget!
No Love At All
Alcoboy
It’s impossible to keep the truth about Scientology out of the bubble. It’s now ubiquitous thanks to all the books, articles and in particular Aftermath series. RB you a great reflector of what’s happening right now. Thanks again for a cool post this week.
Funny.Great you are back RB.
Haha. What is the running gag about spicy chicken wings? I don’t know, but it’s making me hungry. (And for what they cost you at one of these “events”, they’d better be pretty tasty!)
I may be a never-in, but I’m a good cook and those wings are a disgrace. The blackening is burnt food, not tasty Cajun seasoning…
When I was in and had to attend any Scientology event I’d always try to eat beforehand. It was never a good idea to be hungry at one of these things because with few exceptions the food was cheap carb crap.
Cheap Carb Crap: grunge band
All the food at most cult events is a disgrace, despite the fact that COB has a couple billion at his disposal.
Xenu forbid he get off his drunk ass and actually pay for something. Selfish son of a bitch.