When Zaroz (1974) first came out I immediately thought of the R6 ‘god’ image on the cover of the cheap ethics book. A false god in both instances. You nailed it.
What if a Tantric Touch Assisterer brought every assist to a climax? Would their VGI stats give them ethics protection? How high would their stats have to be? Would it depend on who it was on the command chain that got the relief? Just wondering.
“Are you sure your parents can afford a DONATION big enough to get you out of this mess?”
The story of every poor SO or Staff members life…if your parents are dead or disconnected substitute with “spouse”. If you have no spouse or parents and your credit is already destroyed (you are after all in Scientology) then bend over and prepare for a dose of that great thetan Hubbards version of “Ethics”. Has there ever been a term more misapplied in all of Scientology? What’s ‘ethical’ about any of this? Not only do they reg the hell out of every public and emphasis is no longer on training and processing but every little transgression must be cleared up with a ‘donation’. One of these days everyone is going to be donated out…aka broke. Maybe then they will wake UP.
Dead Men Tell No Tales Bill Straass ( who else would make a comment like this).says
They don’t give a fuck if they can afford a donation; as long as they get the cash. If a person robbed soneone with a gun and gave the proceeds to the org they would be commended
for “making it go right” . And they would have ethics protection as an ” Upstat”. I could give you actual examples of the above that I have seen in the S.O.
We had a staff member on the ship who was male but was repeatedly ordered by the CO CMO SHIP Jennifer (Rostig) Alpers to stop wearing female bellboy uniforms on post. This same person was busted for inappropiately touching a public person while giving a touch assist.
Now I have nothing personal against gays; the HIV I got which almost killed me and got me off the ship likely came from a gay person. Had I not gotten HIV and been sent off the vessel I would have been dead within a year anyway; probably from suicide due to the insanity and pressure there.
Or, as the D/Chf Engineer Rod McNocher told me at least 10 times one day : ” Comin slow, comin fast, Death will surely come at last”. Only problem is he chanted that at Laura Wolfe, then the OT VIII C/S who was getting treatment in Mexico for cancer and she later died.
As our infallible Founder stated, “the way out it the way through”. What ever the fuck that means. Just keep saying “feel my finger” until the virus gets bored and blows.
Coming back after work, reading and laughing again. This one is really striking my funny nerve for some reason. Or is it funny bone? Whatever. And the bearded Ethics Officer with the mask is hysterical! This may be your all time funniest comic yet, RB.
I’ve said this before but there should be a coffee table book of your works. I’d buy one. I’d be proud to have it on my coffee table. We could sell them. And for those who really want to splurge, we could do Leatherbounds 🙂
Commerative leatherbounds for thousands of dollars as a collector’s item. lol
That’s what they did with all the pictures from the Mission Earth book. One consultant at Sterling Management Systems had his expensive picture of Countess Krak on his wall and was finally told to take it down cuz it was too provocative for the conservative clients who had to face that picture the whole time he was talking to them at his desk. When people later needed money and tried to sell those commemorative pictures, they could find no takers. What a bad “investment.”
The “commemorative” and “collector” stuff often shows up on eBay. Sometimes it gets listed for close to original price, presumably by the person who (over) paid for it and needs to try to get their money back out of it, or someone under the mistaken impression that if it was so expensive to begin with it must still have a lot of value to some people with money (a frequent mistake of amateur sellers who imagine they’ve stumbled upon a treasure).
The prints, however many hundreds or thousands of dollars they went for originally, seem to have a market value around $75 from what I recall seeing of actual sales, except for a couple of sci-fi scenes by famous artists (Franzetta?) illustrating Hubbard stories but without any obvious Scientology connection.
Overpriced jewelry like IAS pins seem to be another item fairly often found for sale in the higher price ranges, also often apparently listed by owners who don’t seem to understand that the large markup beyond the actual value of the metal and chip gemstones in the piece that they were charged, is not something any real-world buyer is willing to pay for.
Thanks PeaceMaker for the info. I remember the way they sold these overpriced leather bound books and framed prints is that they said it follows the green on white instructions of buy something that is an investment but that you can’t get your hands on easily to liquidate it and that way it is a way to tie up or hide money that you can get later if you really need it. They sold more prints that way but when people did try selling them, they couldn’t find buyers for it or it didn’t sell for what they were told it would sell for.
“Experience the joy of disconnection during this lifetime”.
And then the finger points on the word disconnection .
Laughing!.
RB you are just fantastic.
Thank you.
Out-KSW Touch Assists? What a goddamn squirrelly shame!!! The next thing you know there will be 6’ distancing with TRs. Also, there is a real danger for the Orgs. Now instead of people getting blown 3 feet outta their heads, it will be 6 feet and simple math says that’s 3 feet closer to the nearest exit. Run thetan run!!!!!
Crucifying the staff member for getting results with his “touch assister” is perfectly in line with the same logic that shuts down the missions that used to provide a steady flow of new people into the orgs and ultimately, into the advanced orgs. You don’t have to destroy Scientology. Scientology is set up to destroy itself!
Yeah, right!, the E/O wearing a shield AND mask. He CAN’T be that PTS that he COULD get sick.; He’s the arbiter of all things suppressive, which includes the current planetary hysteria. NOTHING can get throuhg his suppression-shattering TRs, right?
OMG RB this is one of your funniest ones. I loved it all! The Touch Assist Assistor is hilarious. And the ethics officer has the beard like the wise man on one of the old ethics books. Great work.
If you went up to a New Yorker offering a Touch Assist and saying, “Feel my finger” the response you’d likely get would be, “Hey, Mack, feel this finger, why don’tcha”, as he flips you the bird.
Wynski, great. The Spanish inquisition by Mel Brooks. Yes it fits with ethics and justice. The only sad difference is that people on ethics and justice don’t sing.
No one can make unspeakable horror and tragedy truly laugh out loud funny – except Mel Brooks. How I wish he could be around long enough to do his thing with Scientology as he did with the Inquisition and the Holocaust. He’ll be 94 soon. A genius, that man.
Here’s an idea I’ve been toying with. Remember the 1978 movie ‘Nasty Habits’ with Glenda Jackson? It’s the film where they use nuns to make fun of the Nixon Administration. I would love to do a remake except have it make fun of Scientology instead. We could use nuns and monks playing L. Ron Hubbard, David Miscavige, the Broekers, etc. If done just right it could be a cinematic hit! I just don’t know how to bring it about.
O/T. Reacting to the killing of George Floyd and citing Minister Louis Farrakhan’s lecture “On Retaliation,” Scientology Youth For Human Rights Award Winner Nation of Islam Brother Rizza Islam says:
“We are at war…. Give us justice… or else… WE ARE YHE OR ELSE.”
“Standard tech”, bwah ha ha. Wouldn’t want to have anyone thinking outside the box or being innovative in any way, would we scientology?
Excellent comic, especially the authentic ethics cycle. He should have made it go right.
RB, fantastic!
When Zaroz (1974) first came out I immediately thought of the R6 ‘god’ image on the cover of the cheap ethics book. A false god in both instances. You nailed it.
What if a Tantric Touch Assisterer brought every assist to a climax? Would their VGI stats give them ethics protection? How high would their stats have to be? Would it depend on who it was on the command chain that got the relief? Just wondering.
The way to hell can be happy but the arrival is a shock to victims.
“Experience the joy of disconnection in THIS lifetime, Join the Sea Org….. Dripping with snarky sarcasm.
Perfect.
“Are you sure your parents can afford a DONATION big enough to get you out of this mess?”
The story of every poor SO or Staff members life…if your parents are dead or disconnected substitute with “spouse”. If you have no spouse or parents and your credit is already destroyed (you are after all in Scientology) then bend over and prepare for a dose of that great thetan Hubbards version of “Ethics”. Has there ever been a term more misapplied in all of Scientology? What’s ‘ethical’ about any of this? Not only do they reg the hell out of every public and emphasis is no longer on training and processing but every little transgression must be cleared up with a ‘donation’. One of these days everyone is going to be donated out…aka broke. Maybe then they will wake UP.
They don’t give a fuck if they can afford a donation; as long as they get the cash. If a person robbed soneone with a gun and gave the proceeds to the org they would be commended
for “making it go right” . And they would have ethics protection as an ” Upstat”. I could give you actual examples of the above that I have seen in the S.O.
We had a staff member on the ship who was male but was repeatedly ordered by the CO CMO SHIP Jennifer (Rostig) Alpers to stop wearing female bellboy uniforms on post. This same person was busted for inappropiately touching a public person while giving a touch assist.
Now I have nothing personal against gays; the HIV I got which almost killed me and got me off the ship likely came from a gay person. Had I not gotten HIV and been sent off the vessel I would have been dead within a year anyway; probably from suicide due to the insanity and pressure there.
Or, as the D/Chf Engineer Rod McNocher told me at least 10 times one day : ” Comin slow, comin fast, Death will surely come at last”. Only problem is he chanted that at Laura Wolfe, then the OT VIII C/S who was getting treatment in Mexico for cancer and she later died.
The touch assist would be so much more effective if it was the pull my finger assist.😃😃😃
*parp*
LOL Gordon, I thought the same thing!
OMG, I am on the floor.
“He’s running a fever and having trouble breathing…have to get him fixed up and able to sign his Billion Year Contract before 2PM.”
Still laughing.
You’re on a par with Mel Brooks with this one, RB.
And that Touch Assist Assister – hilarious!
I’m sure that there would be staff members idiot enough to allow a person with symptoms to be in the org. It’s a stat, right?
As our infallible Founder stated, “the way out it the way through”. What ever the fuck that means. Just keep saying “feel my finger” until the virus gets bored and blows.
Coming back after work, reading and laughing again. This one is really striking my funny nerve for some reason. Or is it funny bone? Whatever. And the bearded Ethics Officer with the mask is hysterical! This may be your all time funniest comic yet, RB.
I’ve said this before but there should be a coffee table book of your works. I’d buy one. I’d be proud to have it on my coffee table. We could sell them. And for those who really want to splurge, we could do Leatherbounds 🙂
Aqua, right on the money!
Commerative leatherbounds for thousands of dollars as a collector’s item. lol
That’s what they did with all the pictures from the Mission Earth book. One consultant at Sterling Management Systems had his expensive picture of Countess Krak on his wall and was finally told to take it down cuz it was too provocative for the conservative clients who had to face that picture the whole time he was talking to them at his desk. When people later needed money and tried to sell those commemorative pictures, they could find no takers. What a bad “investment.”
The “commemorative” and “collector” stuff often shows up on eBay. Sometimes it gets listed for close to original price, presumably by the person who (over) paid for it and needs to try to get their money back out of it, or someone under the mistaken impression that if it was so expensive to begin with it must still have a lot of value to some people with money (a frequent mistake of amateur sellers who imagine they’ve stumbled upon a treasure).
The prints, however many hundreds or thousands of dollars they went for originally, seem to have a market value around $75 from what I recall seeing of actual sales, except for a couple of sci-fi scenes by famous artists (Franzetta?) illustrating Hubbard stories but without any obvious Scientology connection.
Overpriced jewelry like IAS pins seem to be another item fairly often found for sale in the higher price ranges, also often apparently listed by owners who don’t seem to understand that the large markup beyond the actual value of the metal and chip gemstones in the piece that they were charged, is not something any real-world buyer is willing to pay for.
Thanks PeaceMaker for the info. I remember the way they sold these overpriced leather bound books and framed prints is that they said it follows the green on white instructions of buy something that is an investment but that you can’t get your hands on easily to liquidate it and that way it is a way to tie up or hide money that you can get later if you really need it. They sold more prints that way but when people did try selling them, they couldn’t find buyers for it or it didn’t sell for what they were told it would sell for.
Yep, that’s what Scientology will do for you…..pfft!
“Experience the joy of disconnection during this lifetime”.
And then the finger points on the word disconnection .
Laughing!.
RB you are just fantastic.
Thank you.
Is there anything more rediculous than a touch assist? Come to think of it there is when it comes to $ci.
Out-KSW Touch Assists? What a goddamn squirrelly shame!!! The next thing you know there will be 6’ distancing with TRs. Also, there is a real danger for the Orgs. Now instead of people getting blown 3 feet outta their heads, it will be 6 feet and simple math says that’s 3 feet closer to the nearest exit. Run thetan run!!!!!
Touch Assists are such bullshit.
Crucifying the staff member for getting results with his “touch assister” is perfectly in line with the same logic that shuts down the missions that used to provide a steady flow of new people into the orgs and ultimately, into the advanced orgs. You don’t have to destroy Scientology. Scientology is set up to destroy itself!
Yeah, right!, the E/O wearing a shield AND mask. He CAN’T be that PTS that he COULD get sick.; He’s the arbiter of all things suppressive, which includes the current planetary hysteria. NOTHING can get throuhg his suppression-shattering TRs, right?
When I would do an assist, my PCs loved it! But if I got flack, I’d slap the shit out of you.
Physical distraction to get an f/n. Interesting concept! Sounds kinky….
OMG RB this is one of your funniest ones. I loved it all! The Touch Assist Assistor is hilarious. And the ethics officer has the beard like the wise man on one of the old ethics books. Great work.
16 happy recipients of the Touch Assist Assister have had their VGI invalidated. Way to go!
Whatever happened to David Mayo? Could Scientology have become a kinder place under his leadership instead of Miscavige?
David Mayo died a while back. Do a search on Ortega’s blog for details and a nice tribute.
Found it – Tony’s obit from two years ago: https://tonyortega.org/2018/02/02/david-mayo-1940-2017-scientologys-top-technical-wizard-and-target-of-fair-game/
Yes
This kid just needs to leave the org right now and take a long lunch … a looooooooong lunch … like for the REST of his life …
LOL at the touch assist assister!
If only all those hospitals in NYC knew that you just needed to tell the sick people to feel your finger.
If you went up to a New Yorker offering a Touch Assist and saying, “Feel my finger” the response you’d likely get would be, “Hey, Mack, feel this finger, why don’tcha”, as he flips you the bird.
Spot on, Aqua! I’ve known several New Yorkers and they don’t take guff from anybody!
A lighthearted look at Hubtard’s “ethics and justice” system.
https://youtu.be/LnF1OtP2Svk?t=28
Wynski, great. The Spanish inquisition by Mel Brooks. Yes it fits with ethics and justice. The only sad difference is that people on ethics and justice don’t sing.
No one can make unspeakable horror and tragedy truly laugh out loud funny – except Mel Brooks. How I wish he could be around long enough to do his thing with Scientology as he did with the Inquisition and the Holocaust. He’ll be 94 soon. A genius, that man.
Here’s an idea I’ve been toying with. Remember the 1978 movie ‘Nasty Habits’ with Glenda Jackson? It’s the film where they use nuns to make fun of the Nixon Administration. I would love to do a remake except have it make fun of Scientology instead. We could use nuns and monks playing L. Ron Hubbard, David Miscavige, the Broekers, etc. If done just right it could be a cinematic hit! I just don’t know how to bring it about.
The scary part is that Mel Brooks has a small resemblance to LRH. Except for the flaming red hair, of course.
Brilliant! Love the R6 god done up in PPE!
O/T. Reacting to the killing of George Floyd and citing Minister Louis Farrakhan’s lecture “On Retaliation,” Scientology Youth For Human Rights Award Winner Nation of Islam Brother Rizza Islam says:
“We are at war…. Give us justice… or else… WE ARE YHE OR ELSE.”
My tweet:
https://twitter.com/ISNOINews/status/1266346892713005056
My ESMB Redux post:
https://exscn2.net/threads/scientology-youth-for-human-rights-award-winner-nation-of-islam-brother-rizza-islams-anti-semitic-racist-homophobic-anti-american-etc-statements.54/post-38199
Brother Rizza Islam’s Original Instagram post:
https://www.instagram.com/p/CAv1JkZl2GG/
/