Hello young staffer, whoever you are,
I hope you see through the ruse
It’s a great time to vanish tonight,
Leave now whatever you do
Be brave, young staffer, and follow your star,
Be brave and faithful and true,
Cling very close to the person you are
Ron won’t be there for you
I know how it feels to think Dave’s a big deal
And to listen to him in a trance
You’re feeling the heat with rest of the sheep
It’s a game where you ain’t got a chance
Don’t stay young staffer, whatever you do,
Don’t stay because you’ll get boned
No more all nighters be happy tonight,
You’ll have a life of your own.
You’ll have a life of your own, my friend
You’ll have a life of your own!
I believe you know what’s going on there. Don’t wait for him to realize that you know. Just go.
Don’t call a cab, they will find out which cab picked you up at the HGB and trace it to where they dropped you off. Go down the street and flag one down.
Prepare ahead. Get enough cash out of your ATM so that you can pay for everything with cash – no way to check your flight by your bank ATM records, though they can by your name. Maybe it’s better you drive your car/rental car to a safe house.
you , mike, do these well. consider being a cartoonist for a paper. if those readers find what you do only half as much as we do, you’d be doing good !
And the bitch of it is, one cannot lie about stats without getting put on the cans and then the RPF. “Hey! I handed out 5,000 WTH booklets this week!”. “You don’t say. Have a seat.” 🙁
Not true Skorp. “The cans” did nothing with me. I could make the needle do what aver I wanted. Never understodd how that got people caught. It just shows electrical resistance of the body.
I had to learn how to “beat the box” when I was applying for the county Sheriff’s Dept. It’s not easy to do. Of course, pathological liars can beat them in their sleep. COB for instance would not have a problem if he was hooked up to a regular lie detector. LOL
Once again, RB, you’re killing me with your gently mocking send-ups of life inside the Bizzarro World of $cn.
At least when folks re-read your classic cartoons for a moment’s respite from the soul-deadening banality of $cn’s evil you’ve earned your ‘laughs per reader’ stat in an honest way 😉
RB, this was so funny that I read it twice, getting double the fun. It is so true the way lies and cheating become easily rationalized by using references right out of the Hubbard policies.
Your reading it twice counts as two times someone reached out to Scientology to form some kind of communication line. Each post on Mike’s blog counts as a Scientology stat that the OSA or orgs should capture and report. If I say Hubbard was loonie tunes but had several good ideas, well, several means three or four, so that should count as a stat for four positive, theta comments made (ignoring all the entheta part which would count as a separate stat). So … Scientology stats really are straight up and vertical!
In reality, if they put in all their effort to creating one (just one!) provable Clear and one (just one!) provable OT VIII, all their problems would be solved. There really would be a flood of new people — and probably even of ex’s deciding to give it another shot as long as the organization was reformed (disconnection eliminated, Miscavige dethroned, oversight committee reinstated, Idle Orgs project discontinued and excess real estate dumped, ueber regging discontinued, whales and big wigs and crony-ism denounced and discontinued — no favors for the “super” stars, staff at all levels paid a livable wage with decent hours, full compliance with IRS regulations instated, end to de facto human trafficking and other exploitation, promotion of family time and family values, elimination of all cult behaviors and attributes (thought control, effective worship and non-questioning of Hubbard, weed out where Hubbard clearly got it wrong, and all the rest under typical cult behaviors), and on and on.
If Scientology did that — prove its product and reform its organization and tech — it would be fabulously successful. Why? Because it would actually be doing what Hubbard had only fantasized it might be doing.
Absent that reform, OTs can continue their inane “what are your crimes?” rants and gloat over their unbelievable ability to find open parking spaces in congested areas. Such supposed OT abilities bring only a “so what?” and major yawn to most of the world.
For once and for all, Scientology, prove yourself! Do at least that first step. Prove one definite Clear and one definite OT VIII! Just do it! Make it go right. Be OT. Be at cause. Be Tone 40. Make it happen. Do no give in to counter-intention. Do not cave in. Do not be effect of your bank (or the 3rd or 4th Dynamic banks). Just one Clear. Just one real OT. Just one! Then all the defrocked apostates and natterers will recant, the wog world will jerk to attention and engagement, and you will have saved the whole agonized future of the planet.
What, you say? It would be unethical to provide proof? Under what conceivable definition of the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics (Scientology’s brand of utilitarianism) would it be unethical? Your failure to provide proof shows one of two things: (1) you are one of the most unethical groups to have ever existed, hiding such profound proofs of such powerful truth, or (2) you are one of the most dishonest groups to have existed, claiming huge things that are not even minimally true — but there you are in “good” company with many other religions, cults, and political ideologies.
Don’t forget to count volume of flatulence emitted from ecclesiastical leader’s head orifice measured in cubic centimeters. Now that’s an up statistic!
Agreed FOTF. C of S is a total fraud. I’ve taken up belief in the Scotch religion. Much more satisfying and I only start lying about my abilities after about 5 of them.
We used to have a public/joker who returned our envelopes taped to a phonebook. Because the post office charged by weight, all our mailing budget would end up going to pay for those returns.
Ah… Scientology’s Game of Souls. Their tech has been boiled down to – “lie and they will come…” but winter is coming instead.
Eerie waters you swim in RB.
Hmmm…so am I counted as a stat because of when I told them to leave me the f*2k alone? They called me, I didn’t call them. Their outgoing call stats were certainly up for the 6 week period they stalked me. So glad I finally got them to STFU.
Any comm is better than no comm I guess. Their barrel has no bottom so therefore can never be scraped. Soon it will be something like people sighted within shouting distance or maybe footfalls outside on the sidewalk near their doors, who knows… but it’s sure a wonder of their modern science of mentally applied stat management.
Brilliant, as usual RB.
My spouse and I receive, on average, four to six physical pieces of promo per day in the mail. Many are duplicates; many are from orgs thousands of miles away promoting services we did decades ago; some are glossy magazines that must have cost a fortune to print. We get promo from different orgs all trying to sell us the same books. We receive “newsletters;” we receive “newspapers;” we receive flyers promoting events that already happened. Every day, week after week, year after year. F-ing crazy!
A few years ago we were also being annoyed with routine mailings from multiple orgs, some of which we had never heard of. They were cluttering our mailbox with so much crap that some of it would occasionally find it’s way into our neighbor’s mail requiring us to “explain” to them that we were not part of this cult. We permanently ended the junk mail from all Scientology sources by sending back every promo piece to each org it came from and writing on it, in BIG BLACK MARKER pen, that we did NOT want their junk mail and would be forwarding any and all future junk mail over to our attorney for his review.
I was the body reg services officer off and on for 7 years before ending up as Tres Sec AOLA May 85. Several times a week I’d have to count auditing hours in the PC folders. I’d have to cover the right side worksheets so I didn’t get any confidencial data then add up the time from the left side folder summary. If the count wasn’t enough to sell more or to find extra hours that could be recredited for a book sale then I’d have to go thru each session on the forbidden right side in case any was incorrect or missed on the left side. What a way to clear the planet. 🙂
Still smiling about this one, RB. There’s a dark edge to your humor that I really enjoy.
I always send in the Co$ BREs filled with “educational” materials. They probably don’t get past HCO.
In my experience HCO is always severely understaffed and stressed out. The decent people get washed out of HCO and are replaced by those with a penchant for harsh & heavy ethics.
Funny as hell but, that is actually how stuff is done on staff. I still remember John D. sending HGC Admins to “find VSD”. Or was that Norton before Patrick was canned as CO FSO?
Perhaps the only stat that has really increased 47X or 60X is people rejecting $cientology, people discovering that $cientology is an evil criminal cult headed by a monstrous sociopath, Sea Org Captain David Miscavige.
My ‘Letters Returned to the Letter Reg’ stat is up this week!!!!! Because of my diligent efforts to get removed from scientology mailing lists, I only receive promo crap from one org rather than the 12 orgs I originally received promo crap from. The way that I have achieved this status was by using the FREE postage paid reply cards that come with a lot of this stuff. I would never bother to pay for my own postage. I always include a friendly note with questions like: “where’s Shelly/”, “where’s Heber?”, “when is the last time you talked to your parents?”, “where’s your passport?”, “how are you doing?”, “how are you sleeping & eating?”, etc. I also include helpful website addresses like https://www.mikerindersblog.org and tonyortega.org, etc. The promo material itself is sent to the local recycle center. I don’t have a bird, so I can’t use it for bird cage liner.
After 3yrs being invisably declared I only receive the occasional from WISE and IAS (even after requesting IAS refund!) Last return postage paid was a big industrial roll of TP with some pretty rocks and some ‘Call Me’ flyers. These people don’t have a clue how to tend to a mailing list and never have. LRHs instructions are shortsighted to say the least.
I’d send food and condiment sachets with a nice little note saying something along the lines of, “Sh, don’t tell anyone but you can add these to your beans and rice.” Cruel? Probably, but then that’s just me. Sending ice-cream through the mail is not a good idea however.
“Mumble, mumble, mumble.” says My Leader.
“What’s he saying?”
“I don’t know.”
“Mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble.” says My Leader.
“Oh, I know what the problem is'”
“Go on, tell me.”
“He’s forgotten to bring the wooden box he stands on behind the podium. Again.”
RB = One extra little reason to look forward to Friday.
I remember trying to body route unwilling victims into the VM tent just so they could be counted as stats, it didn’t matter that they stayed less than 10 seconds the fact was they were a visitor and therefore a statistic!
Note to self. Tear the pamphlets Co$ hands you to shreds before they go into the trash.
Life is simple: RB good. DM bad:. It’s as simple as that…
Hello young staffer, whoever you are,
I hope you see through the ruse
It’s a great time to vanish tonight,
Leave now whatever you do
Be brave, young staffer, and follow your star,
Be brave and faithful and true,
Cling very close to the person you are
Ron won’t be there for you
I know how it feels to think Dave’s a big deal
And to listen to him in a trance
You’re feeling the heat with rest of the sheep
It’s a game where you ain’t got a chance
Don’t stay young staffer, whatever you do,
Don’t stay because you’ll get boned
No more all nighters be happy tonight,
You’ll have a life of your own.
You’ll have a life of your own, my friend
You’ll have a life of your own!
Nice rhymin!
Thanks Terra. Inspired by Rodgers and Hammerstein.
Especially you, Georgina Tweedie.
I believe you know what’s going on there. Don’t wait for him to realize that you know. Just go.
Don’t call a cab, they will find out which cab picked you up at the HGB and trace it to where they dropped you off. Go down the street and flag one down.
Prepare ahead. Get enough cash out of your ATM so that you can pay for everything with cash – no way to check your flight by your bank ATM records, though they can by your name. Maybe it’s better you drive your car/rental car to a safe house.
For you or anyone else who wants to escape.
Think. Plan. Escape. Stay out. Be Happy.
Regraded Being, good comic strip as always. 🙂 Thanks for the Friday treats.
you , mike, do these well. consider being a cartoonist for a paper. if those readers find what you do only half as much as we do, you’d be doing good !
And the bitch of it is, one cannot lie about stats without getting put on the cans and then the RPF. “Hey! I handed out 5,000 WTH booklets this week!”. “You don’t say. Have a seat.” 🙁
Not true Skorp. “The cans” did nothing with me. I could make the needle do what aver I wanted. Never understodd how that got people caught. It just shows electrical resistance of the body.
I’ve always wondered why people weren’t able to fake out the emeter. Glad to hear that some people did figure it out.
I had to learn how to “beat the box” when I was applying for the county Sheriff’s Dept. It’s not easy to do. Of course, pathological liars can beat them in their sleep. COB for instance would not have a problem if he was hooked up to a regular lie detector. LOL
A modern lie detector is MUCH tougher. An “e-meter” is a piece of crap. It’s takes some training to defeat modern lie detectors.
If you’re on board you don’t have a reason to want to fake out the meter.
Sure ya do. So much insanity inside almost NO ONE buys it all.
If you don’t it is going to cost you more $$$$$$ for review auditing or a sec check.
It’s dead eady to beat the meter. Clear your mind, ignore the sec checker and think happy thoughts. Always worked for me
Why did you bother in the first place?
Once again, RB, you’re killing me with your gently mocking send-ups of life inside the Bizzarro World of $cn.
At least when folks re-read your classic cartoons for a moment’s respite from the soul-deadening banality of $cn’s evil you’ve earned your ‘laughs per reader’ stat in an honest way 😉
Cartoon long and prosper!
RB, this was so funny that I read it twice, getting double the fun. It is so true the way lies and cheating become easily rationalized by using references right out of the Hubbard policies.
Your reading it twice counts as two times someone reached out to Scientology to form some kind of communication line. Each post on Mike’s blog counts as a Scientology stat that the OSA or orgs should capture and report. If I say Hubbard was loonie tunes but had several good ideas, well, several means three or four, so that should count as a stat for four positive, theta comments made (ignoring all the entheta part which would count as a separate stat). So … Scientology stats really are straight up and vertical!
In reality, if they put in all their effort to creating one (just one!) provable Clear and one (just one!) provable OT VIII, all their problems would be solved. There really would be a flood of new people — and probably even of ex’s deciding to give it another shot as long as the organization was reformed (disconnection eliminated, Miscavige dethroned, oversight committee reinstated, Idle Orgs project discontinued and excess real estate dumped, ueber regging discontinued, whales and big wigs and crony-ism denounced and discontinued — no favors for the “super” stars, staff at all levels paid a livable wage with decent hours, full compliance with IRS regulations instated, end to de facto human trafficking and other exploitation, promotion of family time and family values, elimination of all cult behaviors and attributes (thought control, effective worship and non-questioning of Hubbard, weed out where Hubbard clearly got it wrong, and all the rest under typical cult behaviors), and on and on.
If Scientology did that — prove its product and reform its organization and tech — it would be fabulously successful. Why? Because it would actually be doing what Hubbard had only fantasized it might be doing.
Absent that reform, OTs can continue their inane “what are your crimes?” rants and gloat over their unbelievable ability to find open parking spaces in congested areas. Such supposed OT abilities bring only a “so what?” and major yawn to most of the world.
For once and for all, Scientology, prove yourself! Do at least that first step. Prove one definite Clear and one definite OT VIII! Just do it! Make it go right. Be OT. Be at cause. Be Tone 40. Make it happen. Do no give in to counter-intention. Do not cave in. Do not be effect of your bank (or the 3rd or 4th Dynamic banks). Just one Clear. Just one real OT. Just one! Then all the defrocked apostates and natterers will recant, the wog world will jerk to attention and engagement, and you will have saved the whole agonized future of the planet.
What, you say? It would be unethical to provide proof? Under what conceivable definition of the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics (Scientology’s brand of utilitarianism) would it be unethical? Your failure to provide proof shows one of two things: (1) you are one of the most unethical groups to have ever existed, hiding such profound proofs of such powerful truth, or (2) you are one of the most dishonest groups to have existed, claiming huge things that are not even minimally true — but there you are in “good” company with many other religions, cults, and political ideologies.
Don’t forget to count volume of flatulence emitted from ecclesiastical leader’s head orifice measured in cubic centimeters. Now that’s an up statistic!
That’s one hell of an argument you’ve got there.
Agreed FOTF. C of S is a total fraud. I’ve taken up belief in the Scotch religion. Much more satisfying and I only start lying about my abilities after about 5 of them.
FOTF: Well put.
P.S. What does FOTF stand for (if it’s not confidential).
FOTF (Focus On The Family)…….I think
We used to have a public/joker who returned our envelopes taped to a phonebook. Because the post office charged by weight, all our mailing budget would end up going to pay for those returns.
That inspires me to be more hardcore.
Bitchin’! Let’s do this thing!
I wouldn’t mind doing that!!! =)… is there any way for them to track it back though?
Only to the drop off point. Well fingerprints I sposs.
Ah… Scientology’s Game of Souls. Their tech has been boiled down to – “lie and they will come…” but winter is coming instead.
Eerie waters you swim in RB.
RB, the best are the Cannabis Indica in the Epic porch!
Very impressive observation. Maybe that’s Sherman’s porch too.
Love the “Join Staff” poster!
Hmmm…so am I counted as a stat because of when I told them to leave me the f*2k alone? They called me, I didn’t call them. Their outgoing call stats were certainly up for the 6 week period they stalked me. So glad I finally got them to STFU.
Any comm is better than no comm I guess. Their barrel has no bottom so therefore can never be scraped. Soon it will be something like people sighted within shouting distance or maybe footfalls outside on the sidewalk near their doors, who knows… but it’s sure a wonder of their modern science of mentally applied stat management.
The Golden Age of Recycled Tech. I just had a HUGE cognition! This is where the infinity sign now finally makes sense!!!!
That is actually, in fact, a genuinely bloody good one liner
Another hilarious one RB! 😀
Brilliant, as usual RB.
My spouse and I receive, on average, four to six physical pieces of promo per day in the mail. Many are duplicates; many are from orgs thousands of miles away promoting services we did decades ago; some are glossy magazines that must have cost a fortune to print. We get promo from different orgs all trying to sell us the same books. We receive “newsletters;” we receive “newspapers;” we receive flyers promoting events that already happened. Every day, week after week, year after year. F-ing crazy!
A few years ago we were also being annoyed with routine mailings from multiple orgs, some of which we had never heard of. They were cluttering our mailbox with so much crap that some of it would occasionally find it’s way into our neighbor’s mail requiring us to “explain” to them that we were not part of this cult. We permanently ended the junk mail from all Scientology sources by sending back every promo piece to each org it came from and writing on it, in BIG BLACK MARKER pen, that we did NOT want their junk mail and would be forwarding any and all future junk mail over to our attorney for his review.
Worked like magic! No more Scientology junk mail!
I think even Miscavige looks forward to RB.
I was the body reg services officer off and on for 7 years before ending up as Tres Sec AOLA May 85. Several times a week I’d have to count auditing hours in the PC folders. I’d have to cover the right side worksheets so I didn’t get any confidencial data then add up the time from the left side folder summary. If the count wasn’t enough to sell more or to find extra hours that could be recredited for a book sale then I’d have to go thru each session on the forbidden right side in case any was incorrect or missed on the left side. What a way to clear the planet. 🙂
Still smiling about this one, RB. There’s a dark edge to your humor that I really enjoy.
I always send in the Co$ BREs filled with “educational” materials. They probably don’t get past HCO.
In my experience HCO is always severely understaffed and stressed out. The decent people get washed out of HCO and are replaced by those with a penchant for harsh & heavy ethics.
RB understands the business plan of the clampire. I predict that they will soon be placed on the short list for DM replacement. Short list, giggle…..
RB, reading this one really got me laughing. Excellent and thanks!
Scientology is the study of knowing what to show.
Brilliant!
Those trash cans are Gold Mines !!!!
Funny as hell but, that is actually how stuff is done on staff. I still remember John D. sending HGC Admins to “find VSD”. Or was that Norton before Patrick was canned as CO FSO?
The front porch picture is brilliant. Sherman speak artwork.
It’s taking forever to paint that damned front porch to infinity!
Yay! ‘Tis Friday morning and a new RB. Good stuff as always.
Perhaps the only stat that has really increased 47X or 60X is people rejecting $cientology, people discovering that $cientology is an evil criminal cult headed by a monstrous sociopath, Sea Org Captain David Miscavige.
This is why I never answer back! No stats from me, infinity!
I once wrote an article mentioning scn that was published in a newspaper with a readership of 1.5 million. I always wondered…
My ‘Letters Returned to the Letter Reg’ stat is up this week!!!!! Because of my diligent efforts to get removed from scientology mailing lists, I only receive promo crap from one org rather than the 12 orgs I originally received promo crap from. The way that I have achieved this status was by using the FREE postage paid reply cards that come with a lot of this stuff. I would never bother to pay for my own postage. I always include a friendly note with questions like: “where’s Shelly/”, “where’s Heber?”, “when is the last time you talked to your parents?”, “where’s your passport?”, “how are you doing?”, “how are you sleeping & eating?”, etc. I also include helpful website addresses like https://www.mikerindersblog.org and tonyortega.org, etc. The promo material itself is sent to the local recycle center. I don’t have a bird, so I can’t use it for bird cage liner.
Ms B Haven, your efforts are to be admired. This is not satire or sarcasm. I’m dead serious.
After 3yrs being invisably declared I only receive the occasional from WISE and IAS (even after requesting IAS refund!) Last return postage paid was a big industrial roll of TP with some pretty rocks and some ‘Call Me’ flyers. These people don’t have a clue how to tend to a mailing list and never have. LRHs instructions are shortsighted to say the least.
I’d send food and condiment sachets with a nice little note saying something along the lines of, “Sh, don’t tell anyone but you can add these to your beans and rice.” Cruel? Probably, but then that’s just me. Sending ice-cream through the mail is not a good idea however.
“My Leader! The Allies have increased the number of bombs and shells they expended against the Reich in the last week and they will soon run out!”
“Mumble, mumble, mumble.” says My Leader.
“What’s he saying?”
“I don’t know.”
“Mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble.” says My Leader.
“Oh, I know what the problem is'”
“Go on, tell me.”
“He’s forgotten to bring the wooden box he stands on behind the podium. Again.”
Black is white and white is black. Once they are indoctrinated they can justify anything to save their butts.
RB, very funny and very sad.
bwahahahaha and lmao. brillant!!! (3 exclamation marks)
RB,
You just made my day.
RB makes everyone’s day. He puts the smile on the front porch of eternity…
You mean that they don’t do this already?
Spot on RB…SPOT ON!
“Twisting the truth to suit themselves”…
What does LRH say about that?
Exactly….
I just wish they would cognite on what they are doing but the mind “wants to be right” and will die to be right!
You hit the nail on the head!
Saved by the Stat!!! LOL Brilliant, RB! You always open the weekend with a smile!
Good one RB.I look forward to the reality of the unreality every friday.
Kind of like watching a horror movie without being in one.
RB = One extra little reason to look forward to Friday.
I remember trying to body route unwilling victims into the VM tent just so they could be counted as stats, it didn’t matter that they stayed less than 10 seconds the fact was they were a visitor and therefore a statistic!