This is the next in the series of “Life is Good” postings from people who are flourishing and prospering after leaving corporate Scientology. Mike Rinder
The freedom to be, do and above all, have
Haydn James
Well, the nightmares did eventually end. I no longer woke up in a sweat. It was always the same nightmare, always the same scenario – despite being on staff for 31 years and having left staff and the Church of Scientology, I mistakenly thought I had somehow returned and was back in the grip of David Miscavige’s corporate Scientology. But after some months the nightmares ended.
Now, every day I smile broadly and thank God I am no longer under that influence and the only other abiding thought is: How the hell did I manage to stay so long? I say that because if I had to sum up in one word what life is like out here, as an independent Scientologist, out from under corporate Scientology, it would be FREEDOM, the freedom to be, freedom to do and most definitely the freedom to have.
In the church I always felt nothing was mine, it was always owed in some way to corporate Scientology or I had to go to extraordinary lengths to keep it, an all but impossible task.
You couldn’t “be” either unless being meant the unmistakable and very definable valence of a corporate Scientologist, a far cry and great distance from one’s own valence, which as Scientology teaches is the only place to be.
And you certainly couldn’t just “do” because there were all kinds of arbitrary, impossible-to-predict rules that had nothing whatsoever to do with Scientology. They resulted in restrictions and penalties applied if, God forbid, you took what the high and mighty saw as a wrong action. That’s one of the main reasons corporate Scientology ground to a halt – the judgmental attitude coming down from on high and the penalties they dished out were so strong many people simply decided that doing nothing was the safest option.
And it’s not like you could just go in session and handle any resultant bypassed charge because auditing itself became part of that penalty system – if someone deemed you had made a wrong move it was over to the inevitable and endless security check for you, at your own, very great expense. And often, that someone, the arbiter of your future, knew next to nothing about actual Scientology. They only knew “command intention” whatever that had become.
And speaking of auditing, while in the church, according to corporate Scientology I was only ever “Clear but also, weirdly, somehow not clear”. Clear could never be acknowledged because the arbitraries on Clear cycles were and continue to be utterly suppressive in corporate Scientology.
Outside corporate Scientology I am, at this moment, on OTVII. I have done far more LRH bridge in the past few years since I left corporate Scientology than the combined 36 years I was in it.
And as an OT outside the church I am free to enjoy life. Life is fun, people are fun, disseminating is fun. While in corporate Scientology I somehow felt uneasy about telling people I was a Scientologist. Miraculously, outside corporate Scientology I have no such problem. I have lost count of the number of times people have asked me what I do and when I told them I am a Scientologist (to see their reaction) they looked down at the ground and pulled a long face. But when I clarified by explaining I’m an independent Scientologist who wants nothing to do with the church they looked up with interest and the conversation turned to auditing and training and what it could do for people and them in particular. I find the reach for Scientology tech is very much alive and well out here whereas the reaction towards the Church of Scientology is very much a rapid withdraw.
And that’s what I do for a living, I audit and train others in addition to a host of other projects – never had more happening and going on in my life than now. Words like freedom (and fun) sum it all up. It is why I got involved in Scientology in the first place. It’s like 1975 all over again and I’m back at London Foundation, running the communication course, just helping people and enjoying the hell out of it.
I don’t think Scientology was meant to be anything but fun. How can a tech so potent be anything but fun? How can life be serious when you have the tech to help and handle life itself?
Problem? What problem? There are obstacles and barriers out here of course; otherwise life wouldn’t be the game that it is. But unsolvable problems? Only seen those in corporate Scientology where suppression thrives and the tech has been buried and lost under a mountain of arbitraries.
Even having fun seems to have become a problem in corporate Scientology. But not for me, for me the nightmare is over!
Wonderful Hydn. Freedom and being on OTVII, that is wow!!!
Hydn very well done and you speak true as far as delivering Scientology now results in the usual great results for the persons receiving it without the evaluative and invalidative auditing and C/Sing that corporate church has fallen into.
I am glad you enjoy doing so and carry on. Wish you that the successess increase for those you audit or train.
SILVIA
Wow Haydn, it’s so wonderful to hear your wins and success! Congratulations to you and your family for playing the real game where everyone wins. The idea is to free beings, not squish them into cubbies.
I too have been revived from the dead by an indie auditor and am now on L12. And I didn’t have to sell one of my children or disconnect from anyone. It’s such a pleasure to be audited by someone who has NO other agenda than my well being. I abhor the use of the tech and meter to antagonistically force people to confess against their will. It’s so disgusting, suppressive and frankly bizarre. It’s so counter to the basic use of the tech which is to free beings!! I wish you much continued success. You deserve real Scn. and every good thing!
Hallie Jane, Can I talk to you by phone or email? You can give Mike your email and/or phone and he can pass it to me and I would love to ask you a question and talk to you?
Sure Jane, Mike has my email and it’s ok to pass it along if it’s ok with him.
Yes the CoS is about two things: forcing people to have things they do NOT want (wrong indications, wrong items, false conditions, false confessions, unjust ethics actions, alloyed affinity, unrealities, no communication, violations of personal integrity, evaluation, invalidation, overts, mutual out ruds, violence, criminality, out tech, intolerance, punishment, fear, intimidation, torture, prisons, slavery, insanity…)
…and denying people things they DO want (standard tech, auditing, training, space, theta, ARC, validation, respect, understanding, insight, self determinism, personal integrity, tolerance, honor, human rights, state of Clear, OT levels, money). All DM needs is a DMSMH bound in human flesh. And a black hood.
I like the word fun. I always thought that Scientology could be fun. Some of the processes are fun, co-auditing is fun. But whenever we started having “too much fun” someone would always drag out the Jokers and Degraders PL and make us feel like criminals for having fun. I remember suggesting that the Org should have their own little comic strip….Something harmless but with “inside jokes”. That went over like a clown at a funeral.
I thought I’d be routed to Ethics….Jeez. Good on ya for being out and having fun!
I suggested Author Services make “Ron Dolls” and sell them at the Org’s book stores, for kids, or at the Flag book stores for parents to take home to their kids as souvenirs. That was taken as a J and D. But nobody was offended by the Louis Armstrong doll I had on my desk.
LOL
I believe what you write is true. Myself, I hadn’t moved on the Bridge since 1989 and had given up doing further Bridge this lifetime. But now that I’m out, I’m moving on the Bridge again and my original goals are rekindled.
Good to see you thriving in life. Many salient insights here. I have one question about, “Clear but also, weirdly, somehow not clear.” I personally had not seen that. Can you elaborate?
I was being a bit too cryptic perhaps. I was clear but in coporate Scientology things are not that simple. They mess with clears and OTs who come back (which LRH predicted would happen in C/S Series 123) so I was told not-Clear which went unhandled until Marty sorted it out some years ago.
Welcome out Haydn! Thanks for posting here and confirming what is really going on in Scientology. It is just horrifying for all staff and public so good job on getting out! May you have a very nice life now – you are really free!
All the best!
I loved your story Hayden. It is utterly despicable the way DM has turned Scientology from that which makes a person more free and able and self determined to one that creates cowed shadows of what OT’s could be. But, I really admire that you tell people you are a Scientologist – an Independent one. Delivering the tech and flourishing and prospering is the best way to fight back and win. Thank you for what you do and for sharing your story with us. It is inspiring.
Wonderful story. As a fellow auditor, I am having so much fun out here delivering the Tech and it is FUN! Scientology is FUN!
Fun? that is not a word I associate with the church. When I joined the church, I thought I would find peace and happiness and fun.What drug was I on? Your story is uplifting thanks
Haydn, that’s great. And very interesting that people want to talk about Scientology, when you tell them you have left the church.
That’s perzactly right, Haydn. I can talk to friends and family now that I’m out of the church of scientology.
When I was in, talking to friends and family about Scientology turned into an overt when some Reg or Ethics Officer found out I talked to them about Scn without dragging their ass against their will into the church for enforced services. So…overt if you do…and overt if you don’t. I was forced into a giant “maybe” because of this. “Science of certainty” indeed.
The only certainty I had was that no matter what I did, someone was going to cream me.
Haydn,
Thanks for your story. You reflect my sentiments exactly.
I remember playing rugby/football with you over lunch at St. Hill in the way back.
Enjoy your freedom.
Mark