Another provocative essay from Brian Lambert.
MILESTONES (LIES) THAT BUILT MY SCIENTOLOGY PERSONALITY: HOW TO SLOW BOIL A FROG
This essay seeks to remember and reveal, for myself, the building blocks (words of Ron and experiences in the group) that built my mindset whereby clearing the planet (delusion) and selling Scientology (Ron’s suitcases to Luxembourg) became more important than loyalty to family, personal nurturing, acquiring life skills, loyalty to friends and getting a “wog” education. Moments when I gave my trust to Ron. Basics on the chain that creates believing.
At some point the words of L Ron Hubbard became more prominent than my own common sense. My common sense was slowly deranged over time by the words of an articulate manipulating madman. I worked and sacrificed my life for a planet without insanity while Ron ordered suitcases of cash to offshore accounts to hide from the taxman. Apparently a cleared planet had two different meanings. His was NOT ours.
My sincere but delusional goals of working for a cleared planet, was Ron’s secured source of income. With spiritual fervor and a sense of militaristic immediacy, moral imperative and moral superiority, I sacrificed my life and mental health to the mental delusions of a Malignant Narcissist.
BTW a Malignant Narcissist is when a Narcissistic & Antisocial Personality Disorder collides.
Thank you to that professor on Aftermath for his diagnosis. I completely agree with him. (Please see links to definitions at the end of this essay).
I was totally deceived, on purpose, by one of the greatest “religious” conmen that I’ve ever seen. I am experiencing emotions that I am finally revealing to myself. The full capacity of that deception is still being uncovered by me after 35 years. These blogs have really helped me. Thank you Mike and Marty.
I get a sick feeling in my stomach and heart when I embrace the level of deception that the words of Ron brought into my life. I feel like a fool sometimes, embarrassed to look at what idiocy became my “point of view”. Yet, the embracing, looking and dismantling of my naive foolishness is at the same time part of my healing; seeing things as they are. Embracing what is.
Embracing what is requires a deep level of constructive self criticism and observation, with mind and emotions; directly seeing the foundational basis of thoughts and feelings which creates my reality.
These entries below are some of my building blocks of Hubbardisms that led to the slowly boiled frog called me. I was in the bubble for 11 years of my life. I would love to hear what Hubbard writings you can name as basic steps to Ron’s hypno cult mindset that you assumed as a Scientology personality.
MILESTONES OF FALSE AND DECEPTIVE KNOWLEDGE:
THE PINCH TEST: This action is one of my first entry level experiences that makes emeter infallibility credible. This is the first of the Scientological indoctrinations that put the emeter senior to my own ability to think for myself. Then I thought, “wow, the emeter and Ron know things about me that I don’t”. That moment is one of my earliest moments of sacrificing my reasoning powers at the Hubbard shrine of make believe. The pinch test was a key moment for me. Sure, there were times the emeter got it right. But my mind is not a game of Russian Roulette.
THE COMMUNICATION COURSE: The Comm Course is the sheep’s disguise hiding the wolf waiting “up the bridge”. Who here has not felt an increase of confidence in communication by drilling TRs? The Comm Course taught me how to listen and help people. Increasing communication skills gave me supreme confidence that Ron’s Scientology is benevolent. I then assumed that all of Scientology would be positive and healing. This was the entry down the rabbit hole of unverified assumptions that became the walls of my self imposed thought prison. I trusted Hubbard. First mistake. Once he had my trust I was toast.
THE FUNDAMENTALS OF THOUGHT: (link to pdf at end of essay) This entry level Scientology book hooked me in chapter one called “The Vital Statistics of Scientology: What is Scientology.” On the first page of chapter one Ron says this one line that was another push, for me, down the rabbit hole. Speaking on the greatness of Scientology he says,
“It is a precise and exact science, designed for an age of exact sciences”.
He isolates this sentence by giving it it’s own space on the page, separating out from other paragraphs. Another hook. Another lie. Who would not want to be part of the latest and greatest of anything!
On page two of The Fundamentals of Thought Hubbard turns up the voltage on his implant machine’s brain reprograming feature:
“Tens of thousands of case histories (reports on persons who have been processed, individual records) all sworn to (attested before public officials), are in the possession of the organizations of Scientology. No other subject on earth except physics and chemistry has had such gruelling testing (proofs, exact findings). Scientology in the hands of an expert (Auditor) can restore man’s ability to handle any and all of his problems. Scientology is used by some of the largest companies (business organizations) on Earth. It is valid. It has been tested. It is the only thoroughly tested system of improving human relations, intelligence and character, and is the only one which does”.
Now, not only am I toast but Ron just buttered it. That lying SOB manipulated me with lies. I really thought he was the real deal. I trusted him. Why would I not?
This false knowledge, accepted as true, was a fundamental building block to my vulnerable susceptibility to the other lies waiting “up the bridge”.
Once Ron is granted his unique messiah status the slow boil sucked the life out of the frog. This is pure advertising fraud. No wonder he was always hiding. He was always lying. Look up the definition of a Malignant Narcissist.
HYMN OF ASIA: I read Hymn of Asia very early on when I was still on the fence about staying in Scientology. This was a time in our culture, late sixties early seventies, especially in New York and Los Angeles, where eastern mysticism was weaving into the fabric of our culture thanks to the Beatles. Many hippies split off from the drug scene and gravitated towards a healthy yogic lifestyle. I think Ron knew this and cashed in on it. Just like he did with “research” in The Fundamentals of Thought; lie. He targeted the countless boomers looking for transcendence. In this book he claims to be the predicted prophet of the Buddha; Meitreya. This lie worked on me. I decided then and there that I would work for this man and help clear the planet. “So lucky” I thought, to be serving an incarnated Buddha. I was gamed big time.
There are so many more milestones to be revealed for me. But if you feel its ok I’d love to hear your moments that made you believe. Also I would like to thank Mike for allowing me this forum. These things I’ve written about are things that stay with me for days sometimes. Then an idea pops up and I have to write. This process has helped me clear myself from lurking subconscious Scientology habits. I hope what I write makes sense and is helpful.
Please tell me your milestones to believing. I would like to learn from you. And don’t forget the links below. Thank you so much.
Warm Regards
Brian Thomas Lambert
beautiful analysis, I identify with so many of your points. thank you
What a beautiful and powerful post. I’ve been studying the cult for decades, but I never learn more than when exes share their stories. My own path took me through a lot of dodgy new age nonsense and LGATs. I know the certainty of the high and the crushing doubt of the lows. I also lived with a Borderline for 12 years, during which time my passion for studying the cult really took off. During the years of therapy that followed that mindfuck, I came to understand that a Cult of Two can be plenty destructive when the water is turned up slowly.
Yes, it absolutely can, Artoo45!
I didn’t get the pinch test until I was already in. I thought it was interesting, nothing more. The Comm Course was very useful, but too small a part of the subject for me to generalize from it that I could trust everything LRH was offering. I read all the books before I did any courses or got any auditing. Fundamentals of Thought was my least favorite book. And having already had a Buddhist enlightenment experience I could see that while LRH seemed to have put together something good, he certainly wasn’t Buddha or Maitreya. But I didn’t need him to be. What won my loyalty was the very positive results I got from standard tech auditing during my first year. What caused me to leave 40 years later was the Church’s increasing refusal to apply actual standard tech, culminating in my realization that it never would in the hands of DM.
Notice how instead of sharing in context, ideas of the fundamentals of false beliefs, this man dead agents my examples.
Dead agenting is the technique they are using. It’s so obvious.
Dead agenting observation:
1) They read over the materials or words of the person they seek to dead agent.
2) Then they locate what they consider to be an inconsistency.
3) Then they attempt to undermine those perceived inconsistencies with sophistry; plausible but fallacious argumentation.
4) They avoid any ideas that are impossible to defend.
The practice of dead agenting is an extension, a projection of L Ron Hubbard’s Malignant Narcissism.
Dead agenting is L Ron Hubbard’s psycho paranoia made into psy ops doctrines and applied by ignorant believers.
They are a thing of pity.
Brian, why? Is it possible that Artoo simply had a different experience from yours that he is candidly sharing, with no intention of making your experience dishonest or wrong or otherwise invalidating it or you because it differs from his?
Brian, MY experience when I was in differs from yours but I enjoy and learn from your posts, do you know why? because the way you write shows me that you’re an honest, sincere person with no malice toward anyone. You tell it like it is, and like it was, for you, and that honesty sparkles thru, and the unphoniness makes what you write interesting.
But can’t someone else do what you do?
After all, if it were a requirement by Mike that we all agree about the tech, it wouldn’t be the same blog.
My own experience differs from yours in several key ways. That said, if I shared on this blog the positive gains I experienced with Scientology auditing and from the courses I did would you then consider that I was invalidating you, Dead Agenting your perfectly experiences?.
Please understand that I am asking you this in a friendly way.
To illustrate:
I had an older woman friend, a German woman friend whose late father had been a Nazi. Not an inner-circle SS Nazi, but a devout Nazi, he believed in Hitler. He died in WWII when she was 12. She recalls him with fierce love as having been a very good father He loved her and was good to her, she said. Tender, loving, caring, kind, she said. So she loved him back! She loved him then, grieved deeply at his death still loves him. She is not and has never been a Nazi. When she was 17 she met and married an American Jewish guy , left Germany and came to America with him and had 2 kids with him. All she knows of her father is that he loved her and was good to her. That’s it! That’s the person she knew. This was a person who thought it was a great idea to invade Poland and Czechoslavia, who believed that the Jews had brought Germany to its knees, and had to be defanged, marginalized, who thought that they were an inferior race, etc. etc. and who officiated in the German army carrying out orders aligned with those beliefs and purposes. Her father may or may not have known about the death camps. She said he didn’t know, that many Germans, even soldiers and officers, didn’t know. Then again, who can be sure what he knew or didn’t know? The point is, what he fought for and stood for was wrong and despicable, what he supported was atrocious and unspeakable suppression of human beings. But…she loves him. He was a loving Dad and she loved him and always will. THAT was and is, HER experience. Can it be denied? Should I have told her that its impossible for such a man as her father to have been a good, loving Dad, that this was and is a delusion on her part? You tell me.
Edit: “Your perfectly VALID experiences”.
Ahhh: Another edit: Brian, the share was from My 2 Cents, not Artoo.
?
Hey Aqua, read my reply to Winsky.
The essence of My Two Cents’s post was “your issues (Brian) were not my (MTC) issues.”
He read all the books, has no issue with anything.
Being 17, I looked up to Ron. As a child I was influenced deeply by him. I believed him when he said what he said on page two of FOT.
MTC never addressed the advertising fraud. Never. But he did make it a point to say that my isssues were not his? Why does that even matter??
OK, I see now what you are saying is the actual issue for you, Brian. It makes sense now, thanks. And thanks for the upvote, too.
Brian. Remember this is the guy who is saying that he left the church because he couldn’t get LRH tech in the church and now tells people it is too dangerous to deliver LRH Tech outside the church, when there is NO danger doing so.
He’s either insane or a OSA Troll.
I have never said it is too dangerous to deliver the tech outside the church. I know of quite a few independent field auditors who have had no significant legal trouble from the church. You are simply lying about me so you can have something to attack. It’s a tired old black PR technique. But more fundamentally, you have said that there is nothing good in Scientology — it’s all bad. Therefore wouldn’t you be in favor of people not delivering LRH tech anywhere — either inside or outside the church?
M2C, I think that you may have a valid point to make – but you should have articulated it when Mike was trying to pin you down a while back. You never really answered his questions, and left yourself looking suspiciously vague, and possibly even exposed as some sort of troll or operative. Not having explained yourself well after being called on some suspicious positions, I don’t think you can be surprised to be regarded with suspicion.
Could you please clarify and explain your position and perspective regarding auditing outside the CofS, versus inside – or at least provide some cogent explanation as to why you can’t?
Thank You
I’m in favor of people getting auditing, and getting it in whatever way that works for them.
I don’t think the Church delivers standard tech anymore. DM has squirreled it in order to enhance its mind control potential. So I personally would not get service from the Church.
As for the Indie field, there are KSW auditors and non-KSW auditors. I would trust those KSW auditors with good reputations, but not necessarily those who are also involved in overly vigorous control of their flocks reminiscent of Church ethics.
Re non-KSW auditors, I believe that technical research should continue. I think that LRH was wrong to drive away one-by-one his best research assistants, some of whom went on to develop beneficial tech outside of his control. I’m a fan of Ron’s Org, Sarge Gerbode, Rolf Dane, and Dexter Gelfand.
On the legal front I think individual auditors outside the Church probably have nothing to worry about. But I don’t know if that would be the case for a large, booming org in the US targeting Church members and ex-members, which hasn’t occurred since the 80’s. I’ve been given contradictory legal advice on this, and haven’t gotten to the bottom of it.
Meanwhile I’m rooting for both Merrell Vannier and Sarge Gerbode’s very different solutions. Merrell is trying to break what he claims to be the Church’s legal monopoly on the trademarks and copyrights. Sarge went in the opposite direction and developed his own trademarks, terminology, and written materials, plus did further technical research. The result is a subject that is no longer Scientology per se, but appeals to many ex-Church members.
I do not mind Scientologists thinking that their practice is the best. It’s human nature to claim one’s thought club to be the best. I have thought like that myself. I’ve pissed people off before for being a know it all thinking my way of seeing things superior. I still have that part of my ego. I just know I have it. I’m aware of it. When I was a Scientologist arrogance kept me safe and warm inside the bubble of make believe.
And it kept the little tiny thetans defined as inferior.
I’ve retrained myself, and still retraining, in the practice of the opposite to make other traits part of my character: humility and serving others first.
Being married has helped my to overcome my own arrogance.
Arrogance for the Scientologist is a moral imperative. When your guru is a Malignant Narcissist parts of that characteristic rubs off.
Me me me mine mine mine. Ours is the best. Auditing is better than your practice. Our tech is better than your tech. Bla bla bla
Thoughts:
The constant narrative of MTC is that he wants to separate out the good from the bad in Scientology. Wants to get rid of all of the harmful negatives from Scientology so that it can be a positive force in the world.
Well, I just pointed out lies. Isn’t that seeing the negative? Why doesn’t he see that what I am attempting is what his stated goal is; Separating the good from the bad.
He says he wants to extricate Hubbard from Scientology. I just gave him points, that if he was truthful about separating Ron’s negatives from Scientology he would see that this post contributes to that end. It points out fraud in advertising; Ron’s psycho manipulating lies to make money.
Doesn’t that warrant directly being looked at as something to be purged from Scientology?
MTC completely avoids the fact that Hubbard lied his ass off on page 1 and 2 of FOT.
The only mention of FOT from MTC is more like a dead agent approach. By saying it was his least favorite book, he deflects what was stated in FOT; lies. He dead agented FOT instead of seeing the lies as one aspect of Scientology that needs to be purged.
Why would he not, as someone interested in separating the good from the bad, truth from untruth, now completely deflect and avoid my mention of the lies on page 1 and 2 of FOT?
He says Ron went off the rails and is part of the problem in Scientology. That’s what he claims. That somehow Ron contributed to the negative in Scientology.
But when I point out Ron’s lying – which IS going off the rails – he dead agents FOT by saying it’s his least favorite book; deflection, dead agenting and obfuscation. Never deals with or reacts to the lies.
I feel sorry for people who have been made an extension of Ron’s Malignant Narcissisism.
Scientologists lie for the greater good and exhibit antisocial traits.
Ron taught his minions psy ops.
What madness this man has bestowed to his followers; pitiful, mighty pitiful.
MTC has never listed out anything negative that should be removed from Scientology. But he constantly says he wants to.
I just gave him something that should; lies.
Yet, instead of acknowledging that lies are something that should be searched out and removed, he third parties FOT.
Geeze Louise! These guys are giving me more fodder for more posts. I feel one coming on now 🙂
Brian, you and others have already stated all the bad in Scientology, and I agree with you about a lot of it. My disagreement with you is not over this list, but the fact that you keep repeating it, rhetorically exaggerating it, and never without prodding acknowledge the good that’s also there in Scientology.
You’re like a guy having a recurring temper tantrum over his lawnmower not working, when he’s never bothered to get it fixed, and now he hates all lawnmowers and the guy who invented them.
I truly empathize with you regarding the horrific experience you had with the Church in the early 80’s. But taking revenge on the entire subject of Scientology is not the answer.
PROVE “the good”. The bad has been COMPLETELY proven in the physical universe. Bring your physical evidence of all the good. And show that it is better than NO Scientology applied. WITH SCIENTIFIC PROOF.
Or, go off and troll like you do so well.
Thanks for the validation, Wynski!
Mike, thanks a million for moderating out my reply to Brian. I apologize for submitting a comment that disagreed with his attack on me. The polite and well-reasoned nature of my reply did not make up for its inexcusable deviance.
My apology above is obviously sarcastic. Here is a sincere attempt to answer Brian’s question about the steps of my hypnotic transformation into being a Ronbot.
I never did become a Ronbot. I studied and practiced other mental and spiritual subjects most of the time I was in Scientology, including most prominently Zen Buddhism, Wilhelm Reich, and astrology. This did from time to time get me in ethics trouble, and I’d have to back off of these other practices.
I also got in trouble on the admin side, twice working in a Sea Org org as Non-SO staff and saving the day by applying common sense to problems insane SO execs and missionaires couldn’t solve. Showing them up was not appreciated.
What got me in Scientology and kept me in for so long was the fact that when I got actual standard tech delivery of actual grade chart levels, I got very good case gain. And my pc’s usually were very happy with the results of my auditing them.
The community of like-minded people was also very important to me. But LRH was never my infallible guru or savior. I never saw Scientology as a quick and easy route to superhuman abilities. And I never believed that we’d actually save the whole world, at least in this lifetime.
I also observed the Church gradually turn into a cult. From about 1987 on, I refused to go along with any of that stupidity, while continuing to “demand standard tech rather than a shoddy substitute.” That got me declared in 2012.
The idea that many people joined and stayed in Scientology due to being hypnotized is certainly true. But it’s not true that ALL of us were hypnotized or sacrificed our critical faculties. Scientology was a tool that we used and benefited from. It also became a destructive cult. My interest now, to the extent that I can do it given my age, is as I have said before. Let’s identify and filter out the bad, save and apply the good, and move on.
“My interest now, to the extent that I can do it given my age, is as I have said before. Let’s identify and filter out the bad, save and apply the good, and move on”
The VERY curious thing, “My-2-cents”, is that you are engaging in something that, as you YOURSELF have admitted, need to be “sorted out” to eliminate the bad and preserve the “good”, when, if you ACTUALLY did any SERIOUS study of those other methods and philosophies, you should be able to know that they are even more workable than Scn is, and without Scientology’s well know booby-traps. In those practices like Buddhism for example, they don’t condition the practitioners to ATTACK those who doesn’t agree with their philosophy, neither they hold themselves as the ONLY “saviors” of human kind.
Notice how you said that you didn’t believe that Scientology would “save” humanity in this lifetime, but embrace the possibility that it could do so in more time. No ancient philosophy that I know of – and believe I know QUITE a few – promote themselves as “saviors” of human kind, but they rather cater to the INDIVIDUAL showing him a possible path to ENLIGHTENMENT, not to incredible “OT” powers. Those ancient philosophies doesn’t teach that we are full of aberrations and ruins that we NEED to get rid of. There isn’t any URGENCY to their teachings, and most importantly, their teachings are frequently FREE or at least it is something you can do BY YOURSELF with some minor guidance here and there. Scientology, even in the Independent field, cost a LOT when compared to most methods of spiritual healing, and the writings of LRH (without ANY alteration from DM) frequently promises states that it is WELL KNOWN, by even the KSW followers, that Scn actually CAN’T deliver as described by LRH
So what you are saying in ESSENCE is that you rather practice something full of contradictions; full of booby-traps; full of polices written by LRH HIMSELF that incite towards violence and violation of Human Rights; filled with all kinds of authoritarian indoctrinations and many “I know best(s)”; than to take on a more friendly, honest, do-it-yourself, workable spiritual practice. Does that really sound like logical to you?
Why would ANYONE choose something corrupted and full of lies over something with a more Human Rights protection inclination? It just DOESN’T make any sense REGARDLESS if Scn does have workable parts.
I am sorry, but it seems to me that you just CAN’T let go of Scientology, and would feel empty and lost without it. Well, you WILL do just fine without it if you only allow yourself to learn about others spiritual practices and healing methods with an OPEN-MINDED approach.
My “2 cents” to you, 😉
Thetaclear – I’m pretty sure it was you who commented on Alanzo’s blog about two years ago; “Most of us were intellectual adolescents when we entered Scientology, having little or no background in science, religion or philosophy.” That comment stuck with me and I’ve reposted it several times on blogs attributing it to “someone once said.” 😉
🙂 Yes Richard; I sort of remember it from the days that I was intensely participating in the now gone “Scientologists Back in Comm” blog. I feel honored that you found it helpful, thank you!
Back on those days, we didn’t have the great advantage of the Internet where we can have instant access to knowledge. We largely depended on books or a formal education, the latter usually not covering the subjects of philosophy, mysticism, and spiritual healing. We surrendered our poder of observation to LRH instead of rolling our sleeves and doing the hard work of learning by ourselves.
He did all the thinking for us, all the “analysis”, so all we have to do was to sit back and follow his hard-won “wisdom”. We surrendered to an “authority” – humans’ deadly disease – and we paid the consequences. MANY are STILL paying the price by refusing to even look at other healing alternatives or applied philosophies.
I have always said that the greatest damage from Scn didn’t come from “Disconnection”, “Fair-Gaming”, or “Alteration of the tech from others” like from DM. Scn’s greatest harm came from convincing us to let LRH do our thinking for us, thus losing our power of choice over data, and creating in many of us a sort of insidious aversion to study other subjects besides Scn.
“Think for yourself” has ironically been a logan intrinsic to Scn, when it is teaching us exactly to do the OPPOSITE.
And when everything has been said and done; when all reasons for the losses, pains and degradation of our basic nature has been explored and the blame has been wronged placed; it all boils down to just ONE THING : We, in a TOTALLY self-determined way, renounced to our DUTY to “think by ourselves”. We became lazy and let other do our thinking for us. And it was THAT, and not anything else, that created the damage in the first place.
It was not LRH. It was not COB. It was US that hurt ourselves. And when one finally realize that, something miraculous happens : We completely heal and move on. We no longer need anyone to blame. We no longer need anyone to attack. We are FINALLY at peace with everything. And it feel SO GOOD, Richard, it feels so damn good, indeed!
There will ALWAYS be cult leaders. There will ALWAYS be cult members. The correct strategy does not consist on attacking specific cult leaders or attacking their dogmas. The correct strategy consist of teaching others to have enough self-esteem; enough self-respect, so as to doubt EVERYTHING until it has passed the test of our OWN conscious and open-minded analysis of it, REGARDLESS of the opinion of ANY “authority”.
A LOTS of books have been written to criticize Scn and LRH, and to expose their lies. Unfortunately, you don’t see many books about the necessity to think by ourselves. And so we fall prey of cult leaders, “authorities” of all kinds, and political “leaders”, again and again and again. It is time to break from that self-imposed karma. It is time to leave laziness aside, and DO the hard work of thinking by ourselves. It takes a LOT of discipline to do so, but that is, IMHO, humans’ only saving grace. Anything else is just a waste of time.
M2C, I think that’s a pretty fair statement of your experience and observations.
You’ve certainly, from my perspective, provided a fairly convincing case that you may at least have been an exception, in terms of what you got out of Scientology – and I think that may have a lot to do with you, rather than the subject. I also feel that my minimal experience was a bit along similar lines, that I had an unusually diverse and informed background that helped me to take away some good things and avoid getting sucked into the rest.
The issue I have, is whether there is really any “good” that can, as a practical matter, be salvaged. No one seems to be able to either clearly define what the good is, or suggest a practical process for approaching it. Despite the long history of offshoots and independents with at least somewhat similar aims, the only possible viable example I am aware of is Sarge Gerbode’s TIR – which dispensed with all of Scientology and, if I understand correctly, has even veered away from most or all of Dianetics, in the process of achieving proper scientific validation, which includes not only measurable results but avoiding adverse outcomes. And I know that quite a few of the old timers gone independent, now only do “book one” auditing, often without a meter – which practically takes even the Dianetics out if, leaving Rogerian person-centered therapy with a bit of abreaction thrown in.
One of my suspicions is that Hubbard, in a way typically reflective of his dark and utilitarian philosophy, “juiced” Dianetics and Scientology with elements that produced results for some but inherently and inevitably did levels of harm to others that are simply unacceptable by the standards of modern science and ethics. That may be where the “good,” such as it is, was, a sort of flip side of the evil, and why no one has ever been able to “filter” in a way that left anything meaningful. Or there may be some similar mechanism or dynamic at work, that simply prevents the separation of the good from bad while leaving anything even worth bothering with.
p.s. If you haven’t already seen it, keep an eye out for another response
Here’s something a bit but not totally off topic since it’s been mentioned a few times below. After reading and participating on the scn blogs for the last two years I thought I had refined my critical thinking skills. Oops!
A couple months ago on a blog someone posted a video by Guy McPherson who predicts “Near Term Human Extinction” due to abrupt climate change. I totally bought into it and considered the many possibilities. Some people on the internet say their children are growing up fearful about this since it’s promoted on the mainstream media, much like children were fearful about nuclear war in the 1950’s.
I recently came across a series of well documented contrary videos under the heading of “1000frolly” which can be searched on youtube.
I’ll have to go redact a couple of my previous dire predictions I made to a couple of friends. laughter
If it’s consistently claimed by mainstream media, it’s a fraud. Keep in mind that the MM is actuallly owned and controlled by only six very large corporations.
Like the 12 bankers?
More like 14-15 corporations, not six.
And MSM isn’t technically fraudulent, but it is certainly more interested in providing money for its sponsors than providing factually relevant news.
Richard, it does seem that politicized science has become the new religion. After Scientology, I’m suspicious of any cause that justifies seizing people’s property (e.g., income) and transferring it to others in the name of saving the planet.
WhatWall, yes, those who eschew human rights often play that game. The USA is not immune. Hence the concentration camps built and filled by the psycho FDR in WW 2. The tens of thousands he threw in there had all of their assets stolen by the government.
“They who can give up essential Liberty to obtain a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety”
Ahh yes, the scientist who works for the Heartland Institute.
The institute that advocates:
–against tobacco regulation,
–for privatisation of public schools
–against global warming
–for health savings accounts ending employer subsidized health care
–for fracking
Whatever floats your boat.
Thank you for the article Brian and thank you to the former members for the comments here.
One of the hardest things for a never-in to understand is how anyone can even get into and/or remain in Scientology in the first place, especially people who seem so intelligent and decent. However, we must understand that these days, we have the enormous benefit of having a front-seat view into the abusive and manipulative practices before ever even glancing down this proverbial “rabbit hole”, thanks to the articles, blogs, books, and shows that are out there now.
We never-ins must also keep in mind that our perception of time regarding the events that lead people into this mindset are a bit warped based on our extremely limited understanding of what’s involved in luring prospective members into the organization. We may spend 2 hours watching Going Clear on HBO, or 1 hour watching an episode of Scientology & the Aftermath on A&E, and think that it should be obvious to everyone how dangerous this cult is. However, the psychological manipulation isn’t even close to being that fast, and what we see is not what someone who steps foot into one of their buildings is going to see. The manipulation is a very slow, very methodical process that occurs so discreetly as to practically be unnoticeable.
I think it’s important for never-ins to understand that we are all susceptible to manipulation. In other words, we must resist our initial inclination to get all “high & mighty”, pound our chests, and say things like “I would NEVER allow them to lure me into something like this!”. To believe that we aren’t susceptible to these same temptations is the height of arrogance, and is extremely dangerous in my opinion. We may no longer be susceptible to being lured into Scientology (thanks to the many individuals who have spoken out and continue to do so), but there are other manipulative individuals in the world looking to take advantage of our best intentions.
To assume that we would not be susceptible to manipulation, leads us into letting our guard down. Our pride and arrogance regarding our misconception that we are immune to this type of manipulation, is one of the greatest weapons that con artists are able to use against us. We must be honest with ourselves, admit we are just as susceptible as anyone else to manipulation, and remain extremely vigilant against those who would take advantage of us.
Thank you again Brian, and to the other former members who have chimed in here.
I agree Brian. It is easy for us who were never in the cult to judge and ask how anyone could believe this stuff. We, I think are all susceptible to the illusion created by LRH. We are all looking for something. Years ago I did their personality test in Toronto. I was with my girlfriends and truthfully we stopped for the free coffee free and cookies. I guess I blew the test because they did not want me. We also started cracking jokes amongst ourselves and the more we talked the worse we got, that is with the jokes. Needless to say we were ushered out.
Thankfully these days we have people speaking out about this cult. Back in the seventies there was really nothing at al to warn people. Therefore Scientology was able to play on people with open, giving hearts. Kind people who really wanted to help the world.
You are welcome Mick
Mick, I thought about your post for a couple of days and came to a couple of conclusions of my own after mulling over the idea that we are all vulnerable to manipulation. I wholeheartedly agree, but I would take it a step further and point out that we are not only all vulnerable to it, we all experience it to a much less consequential degree throughout our lives.
Language is inherently manipulative. Writers, actors, comedians, and singers depend on our willingness to be manipulated by their language. I was listening to a mix of 90s bands while doing yard work, and it occurred to me that it was a good thing that Eddie Vedder never decided to use his power for evil. Those of us who have never been drawn into something as destructive as Scientology have simply been terribly lucky.
My other conclusion is more personal and is probably less meaningful to other never-ins. I was lucky. I recognize that there was a time when I was questioning life and meaning and purpose, I found answers in philosophy classes and literature and music. If I had come into contact with a conman with ill-intent at that time, I might well have fallen for it.
Thanks for the reminder that we are all only human with all the foibles and failings that go along with it.
That one comment you made: “no wonder Hubbard was always hiding. He was always lying”
That makes such perfect sense!
That was definitely a great read!
As a never-in (& feral aussie, ie I have a low tolerance for dickheads), I’d just like to say (again) I truly appreciate the insight ex-members provide regarding what it’s really like to be ‘on the inside’ of a cult like Scientology. This is especially true for the experiences of those who were either on-staff, part of the SO, or just the ordinary members who were around in the early days & therefore were privy to actual personalities like LRH etc. I feel I’ve learned so much from this blog & those who comment on it. I’ve read a couple of books, checked out the other blogs & various sources online in addition to the films & docos available, from which I’ve gleaned much info for my personal curiosity, but the stories, experiences & humour in this blog has entertained & enlightened me on so much! It’s A LOT of information & knowledge to take on, so may I say it’s not a mystery that it fucks up so many people. There’s only so much contradiction & bullshit a human brain can take before it shuts down … & considering the efforts employed by the organisation for either keeping you in, or harassing you once out (esp if you’ve been declared), any person able to tolerate such demonstratable harassment/assault without going psycho on them should imagine themselves as very strong & determined individuals. I don’t know how I’d be able to keep it together at all if everything I knew, had or loved turned against me (like being declared SP & your entire family, friends & employer just dump you!!!). You’ve chosen life over a death of mind, body & spirit .. Standing up for yourself, eventually, should bring up deserved self-respect & a humble pride. Being a good person, having & showing respect, doing good for others (those in need) when you can etc, its not hard .. but these moments add up & you realise thats what success really is. You haven’t failed anything, you just learned a lot along the way ???
Brian, thanks for writing your story down. It’s a good question. [“Please tell me your milestones to believing”]
It could be that figuring out what got one to believe is essential to fully recovering.
I had my old Phoenix Lectures book sent me a few months ago for that reason.
It was while reading that book a couple weeks after 1st walking in the door that I joined the SO. I remember there were so many lines in that book I kept going “Well I know that!”. He said many true things in there. Then of course the Hymn of Asia cemented it all.
I’m only recently figuring out some of the traps myself which is way cool. I could scream for joy knowing I can do this 🙂
Thanks for your article
I thought the same Cece; revisiting those basic moments when Ron said something that gained our trust.
We went from learning how to listen to people to listening to space aliens in our bodies.
We went from thinking we were going free and idepwndent to hip hip hooray an the cult of Hubbard.
From a world without insanity to the attempted destruction of Paulette Cooper.
When I looked over Fundamentals of Thought I found the spawning grounds of the science and research lies. Fundamentals of Thought could very well be the basic basic on that lie.
His words were hypnotic. He flowed stream of consciousness and I interpreted that as wisdom. NOT!! Lol!!
The problem with Hubbard is less that he was a conman or a nutcase (to an extent he was both) but that he managed to offer up enough common sense stuff to get people in the door. The general concepts behind a lot of SCN stuff is pretty reasonable, and he sometimes had genuine insights. Sometimes, I admit that some of what he says makes sense.
It is important to recognize that. If you can salvage something from the years of life SCN stole from you, so much the better. Pry any good you can from SCN’s claws.
Of course, after saying something reasonable he’d promptly transition to the LRH we all know and despise very quickly. The new age guru gave way to the pathological paranoid (watch the movie Downfall for an example) and the ruthless snake oil salesman. (Think of everything hear about big Pharma etc, and square it) But if he was obviously bad news like a ranting hobo or slimy used car salesman, most people would have stayed away.
Again, a good con always works with TRUTH to begin the sales process. Get hooked on that and you begin to accept everything to come.
Cece, nothing I can communicate with words would communicate what I’m feeling right now after reading what you’ve just shared. So I’m sending you what I’m feeling, directly.
🙂
This was a great article. I would also be interested in a series of comments from those now “out”, and what it was that finally made them realize that they wanted out.
Here’s mine:
2010 My husband killed himself 6 feet away from me then I was locked in a police car outside with all the windows up. I wailed crying and begging to speak to him while persons paraded in and out of my home and I could see everything going on inside. I was locked up 5 hours until the coroner arrived and told the police to let me out to sit on the picnic table. I was not allowed to speak any last words to him. I was in shock.
The next morning I phoned my X husband (Sea Org CMO PAC) who was now married to the Volunteer Minister In Charge WUS. I told him what happened and requested please could a VW come help me. The room had blood and brain splattered all over it and I really needed help to handle the environment and myself. I was loosing it and I needed help.
No one from the church came to help. I was in good standing, had spent 20 years in the Sea Org with a good reputation for doing my job (I was a Midshipman rank), OT IV, had donated 40K to the IAS, I’d run a business well known by WISE with a good reputation and fully supported my husband who remained in the SO etc.
I was so upset by this I decided I would never support that church again however I remained loyal to LRH for a few years after that. In 2016 I read the LRH Affirmations for a 3rd time and finally the last bit of any remaining admiration I had left for that man.
I was only then truly out.
There you go 🙂
Oh Cece, geeze what a story. You are a brave soul Cece. I’ve heard a bit of your story over the years. I think of you from time to time and wish you well. Thank you for sharing such a personal tragedy.
Bless you sweetie.
I’m sorry this happened to you, Cece. The cherch never seems to be there for its supporters it their times of need. It was a similar experience, of getting no help from them at a time when it was desperately needed, that opened my eyes too.
Wow Cece. I am so sorry for what you went through, and that you had to go through it alone without any support from those you depended on the most.
This is yet more evidence that this organization only cares what you can provide for them, not what they can provide for you. The flow of benefits only goes one way…..to the organization and to the tyrant at the top of the pyramid.
Wow. And wow.
Cece –
Hearing your story all in one place breaks my heart for you all over! You’re one amazing and strong lady! Clearly you’re someone who cares for people and wants to help which are all great things, so I’m thankful to know you and know you’re one of those people that doesn’t fault yourself or those great qualities about yourself for bringing you into the cult. A lot of people close off and shut down then look at some of their greatest strengths as weaknesses. The fact that you aren’t doing this says a lot about how strong you are!
Love to you!
“No one from the church came to help.”
Once again, that’s Scientology. Cece, I’m so sorry for what you went through. Peace blessings to you. So glad you’re out.
“No one from the church came to help.”
Dearest Cece , my heart goes out to you in deepest sympathy. Sometimes when people come to a point in their life that they feel trapped, and there is no way out, they can’t find the exit door….they will remove themselves from the situation in any way they can, including suicide. What they do not see or understand, is the pain they leave behind for their loved ones wo are seeking an answer as to why the would end their own life..
Over many decades I’ve had two close family members commit the final act….suicide…and we were left to question why…..yet….even KNOWING why sure as HELL didn’t make having to deal with their loss any easier.
The CO$ failed you, and that is so very sad to be abandoned by one’s own faith. Yet, in retrospect it helped OPEN your eyes to what the organization is all about & now you know the truth of their deceptions.
Dear Cece….I am a never in….whose learned quite a b it about CO$ thanks to everyone on this board and the Aftermath series & Tony’s blog as well….my heart aches for your loss & the pain this has caused you.
The organization may have abandoned you dear friend….but KNOW that the folks on the blog, the former members and never ins….WE ARE HERE FOR YOU….You are stronger than you know my girl, and you are a survivor…..keep moving forward my dear, things WILL get better!
xoxoxo
What a very nice thoughtful post. You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown ?
Yes there are so many good kind wogs – one of the first contrary facts a lot of us leaving have mentioned.
Some day, hope fully soon, I will write down my story. I’m waiting till it makes a bit more sense but I will say something. I have learned more from those 40 years then I expected to know. I also know why I needed the lessons – what faults were fixed. Not by the fact of the ‘tech’ at all. But by the wisdom of hindsight. But one must get out to get hindsight. It truly is inside a bubble in there especially for the Sea Org crew.
I ONLY knew I was hung-up at Doubt for 15 years. I thought stopped figuring it out.
Get this: My exact words: “I’m in doubt but I don’t want to be in doubt” ie I wanted to be certain about remaining in the Sea Org. Many kind persons including my husband spent hours with me trying to sort it out.
I left because of intuition not reason.
Thank you all for your kind words 🙂
My writing has been healing and a catharsis for me Cece.
It’s helped me uncover things I did not know were there.
I look forward to you sharing with us.
Hugs,
Brian
Cece my friend…..it has been said numerous times that hindsight is 20/20….we must all come to the truth in our OWN way.
No matter what one might hear from others, or in those “alone quiet time moments we occasionally get”….our own personal sense of logic and common sense, we dig deeply into our inner most thoughts & feelings…our intuition….and then the truth is revealed.
The truth is hard to accept, most don’t want to know the truth because in most cases it cuts like a hot knife through butter.
Some take decades to accept the truth and to see how something that seemed so lovely, can in actuality be very dark and dangerous. Once the wool is removed from over the eyes, once the misty haze of “magic” clears itself….the truth can come out as ugly…..but the truth nonetheless.
I am so proud of you for making an exit from CO$……..you are an amazing lady!
Cece, I am so sorry for your pain and loss. In September of 2017, I also experienced the suicide of a person who was so good and so kind, and who had the best sense of humor. I cry about this more then I let on to those who know the circumstances, pretending to be strong and brave, but it is all a facade.
Whatareyourcrimes, for me it was how they treated my x wife who was a celebrity and treated like royalty while she had money and status. She had Spanky Taylor as her celeb handler.
After my wife left the band that gave her a source of income while on OT 3 she became mentally unstable. AO tossed her out like Ron tossed out Mary Sue.
Instead of helping her they made her sign a waiver of non responsibility if she committed suicide. My X wife was suffering terribly and I was besides myself.
This woke me up. I realized then and there that this was a con business only in it for the money. We did not have the money for more auditing actions. And they frankly did not give a shit.
Betrayal after trust was something Ron was expert in, Just ask:
Mary Sue
Otto
Mayo
Percel
Sara
Nibs…………….
and thousands of well intentioned Scientologists.
Brian…
“My X wife was suffering terribly and I was besides myself.”
And I god-damned guarantee you that the church of scientology abandoned you.
That sick twisted “THING”, birthed out of the maw of LRH, should be, like the farmers treat a diseased cow, “shot, shoveled, and shut up.”
This parasitic crapfest called scientology has absolutely no redeeming qualities, as much as that sell-out traitor Marty Rathbun sucks on his cheek and waits in the wings for the despotic Miscavige to turn the reins over to him while he pulls the cord on his golden parachute.
We are all on to the plan Miscavige.
Rathbun, shame on you.
Brian: Great essay. Thanks.
When you mentioned the Hymn of Asia, the Beatles, and hippies, etc., I thought of Star Wars! Even George Lucas cashed in on this theme during this period with his invention of The Force. This concept that there was something bigger, something more than our mere bodies sure resonated with me (and from what I could tell, the rest of the audiences, too). The times, they were a changing. I was ripe for Scientology. I wanted to be a Jedi, too!
I didn’t believe Scientology was an actual religion when I first got in. In fact, all throughout my stay, there were many things I didn’t believe in. From the outset I recognized lots of misapplication of tech and policy by lots of crazy staff. So what made me stay?
I thought I could pick and choose what I wanted to apply and discard the rest. This worked some of the time. Unfortunately, the E/O was always right around the corner to help me get my “ethics in.” In order to get the things I thought I needed and wanted, I put up with a lot of shit. Like doing courses I didn’t want to do; attending events I didn’t want to attend; and doing conditions that didn’t indicate to me.
Thank you Terra. We were so ripe for something. It was such a moment of spiritual possibility in the 70s.
So many of us came hard wired for this quest. Ah….. the quest. I am so glad that I was experimenting with meditation and studying eastern thought before Scientology. I became a Scientologist to attain these goals. It failed me.
When I finally let my evil express itself and blow I was not traumatized but sooooooo happy.
I went up on a mountain top in Griffith Park, chanted and meditated. This conscious act of defiance, doing other practices, was my threshold to freedom. It was my “fuck you Ron”.
But curiously, many subconscious thoughts that I learned from Ron still haunted me. I could not get right with the God dynamic for many years. I was always trying to help people solve problems. Too many false doctrines already made their way to forming Scientological neural grooves in my young brain.
Within the last few weeks I finally released the saving the world thing. It was so much part of me. I was only 17 when these things formed in me as a world view.
The resurrection of my ability to judge Ron saved my ass. It was the trust that let him in. It was the difficult recognition of betrayal that kicked him out. Critical thinking saved me. Also allowing myself to process the emotions has been key for me. I just recently felt anger. It felt good to feel it. It felt correct.
Therapy ain’t a bad idea folks.
Our treacher was a Narcissist who was also an Antisocial Personality. What I allowed into my young mind is still being processed. I did not think I had this much work to do on it. I thought it was all behind me. Lol! Assumptions that became ME are still lurking. But they are slowly dissolving. Meditation and self inquiry has helped me immensely. It has given me a power base in which to extricate Mr. Looney from mi cabesa.
Thank you Terra for all of your posts. They help.
Hi, Terra C. When Star Wars first came out there were lines around the block waiting to get in the theatres in San Francisco. I went on the second day and counted four or five of the staff I knew from San Francisco Org waiting in line just at that one showing.
We all thought that the lines at the beginning “A long time ago in a galaxy far far away” meant that it was written by Ron or that he had something to do with it. Past lives! Whole track! Space opera!
Star Wars, saving the universe from the evil empire using the mystical powers of a secretive group of cognoscenti. That was us! Pure hubris and deception, but oh what a seductive temptation!
I was in the Sea Org when the second film came out. Never saw it or any of the others until I escaped 25 years later. Who needs a silly movie, we were living the dream? Or so we thought.
I was right there with you, Bruce. Not sure if you remember me. You used to co-audit with my x-wife, Sue (Lewis). David Newhouse was so enthralled, he got a job at that theatre. I made it all the way to OT8, never quite got the abilities that were promoted .
Bruce: May the force be with you!
Terra, I still consider myself a Jedi Knight! Since Scientology is all about make believe, then I can play along too!
Terra, if you’re up for it, Yoda and Jabba the Hut are coming over to my place this weekend. They’re bringing a new wine from a distant planet! I’m looking forward to try
Hey Bruce, I felt the same. Somehow we Scientologists owned Star Wars as our own.
The Fundamentals of Thought, chapter on The Parts of Man, fooled me.
Where’s one of these optimum Scientologist’s who have done all the high levels of Scientology and who are today this optimum condition of thetan-hood and they are their pure thetan outside and controlling their body?
The Fundamentals of Thought was key for me also Chuck. He sounded so wise and benevolent. Shades of eastern thought implied that he was continuing along the lines of past sages and wise men.
It’s amazing how “science” can be used to deceive. He was the king of deception. Deception was how Ron dealt with life. He must have been such an empty and damaged person to think that he needed to lie to be appreciated.
I had the same milestones as you, but I had wonderful feelings and experiences being audited. On my life Repair, I recall telling the auditor, Rosie in the St. Louis Org, ” Do you have any idea what you kids have here?” She assured me that she did and I was hooked.
Thanks Brian. I’ve bought BS a few times in my life and Scientology’s organised crap still stings every now and again. What I tell myself I (I still can’t fathom) but the other crap that I bought hook line and sinker as a young man involved guns and heavy disciplined stuff under the guise of ensuring the safety of my nation, some of it was true, some of it complete and utter BS too.
But organised Scientology is the religious answer to ZERO alright. It gives back absolutely nothing but heartbreak and financial misery.
+1! Yep!
+1! ?
Great article, Brian. For me it was the comm course that hooked me and then it was KSW that
cemented it. Also the study tech. I thought it was so AHmazing!! Realized later how fooled I was and skedaddled!
I learned to appreciate the dictionary also Amethyst. It’s one of the things I can thank Ron for.
Haha Brian, I read your comment and googled Amethyst thinking it was also something you appreciated. It is an interesting color quartz ~ l’m glad you are not counting on it for health 🙂
Brian – thanks, loved this essay. Seems that you and I were duped on the exact same points. I will also add the book “Have you lived before this life” which fascinated me.
Thanks Ms. P
He was like the auto mechanic who is expert at repair and we the ignorant car owners who knew nothing of engines; but trusted.❤️
Brian – “This process has helped me clear myself from lurking Scientology habits.”
I would think your Buddhist path over the last 30 years would have freed you from the “evils of Scientology.”
Maybe it depends on how deeply someone believed and for how long. I never swallowed the idea that I would become a Book One (DMSMH) Clear. It was more like “Lets see what happens.” I split soon after going clear just because of the ridiculous price increases and never got introduced to my Body Thetans. Maybe they’re still awaiting my return. (joke)
Yes Richard, my spiritual practice is key to my healing. Although I am not formally a Buddhist, I have come to realize that practicing stillness (meditation) is senior to labels and identities. I feel such a close kinship with all truth seekers.
It was one of my purposes of being on these blogs:
To undo the lies about other spiritual practices.
So many have dumped the idea and practice of liberation because of the betrayal that Ron did with his lies.
The goal of freedom is still alive. May all beings be happy!
But….. there are some things meditation does not handle. For that it’s self inquiry, self introspection and dealing with the shit; HEAD ON
My Scientology issues were buried very very deep. It’s not easy.
I support talk therapy absolutely.
Just as a generality and not referring to you or anyone in particular, I choose not to reinvent my “case”, for anyone who believes there is something called “case”. That’s what elron did with his body thetan theory.
Elron once said, maybe plagiarized, “A good worker lets a job that’s done stay done.”
I don’t know what Marty is doing now, but I still believe that he was an immense help in shedding light on some of the more secret happenings under DM’s watch, and that he suffered a great deal for doing this.
Me too Katy. All of the essays that I have written for Mike’s blog were ideas that Marty allowed me to post on his blog. These seed ideas ocurred at Marty’s and crystallized here at Mike’s. It was in writing and thinking during Marty’s enlightenment phase that many resolutions and perceptions of Hubbard ocurred for me.
Thank you so much for you account. I am just another boiled frog or baked clam? who thought he was doing something transcendent and meaningful in life. I feel very lucky to have walked out of the road to “total freedom” in spite of all the energy and time wasted on a road to nowhere. I know I haven’t completely recovered but I feel much better, with a little help from my friends, people I have never met in person but who have enlighten me by sharing their experiences and sometimes by answering directly to my questions. I feel greatly indebted to: Jefferson Hawkings, Karen de la Carriere, Mike Rinder, Hanna Eltringham, the Headleys, Mike Leonard Tilse, David Fagen, Ken Urquarth, David Mayo, and many others who in troubled times made it possible for me to get out of the prison of the mind. Thank you all. You are great people who deserve utmost respect for daring to speak against a very evil organisation That has plenty of money and lawyers and an army of slaves.
+100
Gratitude
Brian wrote:
“He targeted the countless boomers looking for transcendence. In this book he claims to be the predicted prophet of the Buddha; Meitreya. This lie worked on me. I decided then and there that I would work for this man and help clear the planet. “So lucky” I thought, to be serving an incarnated Buddha. I was gamed big time.”
This was your turning point and I can now see why Hubbard projected himself as an incarnated Buddha.
He was playing the game that people in the United States had no real exposure to Buddhism.
In my own particular situation, I did not bite on this point. I had some broken English conversations
with Buddhist monks in Thailand, Taiwan, Malaysia and South Korea in 1969. I got enough of the message
to see through Hubbard on the Buddha issue. But I still fell for the scientific angle. I never decided to
work for Hubbard because I never saw him as Meitreya.
I never quite bought into the science since Hubbard never revealed any actual studies, testings or scientific reports. And his claims re Buddha and the Hymn of Asia I ignored. I’ve stated here and elsewhere that in order for the con to work, there HAD to be some truth in it. Things like the Code of Honour made sense to me and still do. The key was to find the lies which had been placed in it..and reject. “Never fear to hurt another in a just cause” caught my attention early on. Who decided “just cause”? But his trick was to suck you in on the items which were real to the individual. Virtually NONE of the points are currently practiced in czerch…except the one I just quoted. Hurting others seems to the rule of the day.
I found that much of the comm course was valuable. I’d never thought before that communication was a two way street and that it required input from more than one person. That has helped me a lot in my life. The trick was that Hubbard didn’t want any input from others. His SO1 line was a complete fraud.
The emeter, btw, does not and never has “detected lies”. Neither do the so called “lie detectors”. They both simply record tiny blips in the brain, slight changes in energy flows in the body and/or brain. The blip may have to do with a lie, a disagreement, a sensationally happy moment, an old anger, a dispute, etc. I found it useful for my own auditing in that I could zip through a series of memories or thoughts, “filed away”, and as I did so, the meter could quickly bring me to the area what was responding. For me, it was no different than looking through one of my file drawers in the office, though much faster. Valuable tool…unless you believed in the “lie detector” crap and thought the thing was “reading my mind”. Simply not true.
Though scio was a great deal of fun in the 60s and early 70s, the fun declined as the SO took greater control. By the early 80s, the fun was gone … from my perspective. I’d gotten what I wanted and simply left. No one noticed, nor cared. I did watch in somewhat of a horror as the Mission system was brutally stolen and all private funds confiscated. Thousands left and the full reality of the brutality which scio could bring to bear became truly public.
I love the code of honor and try to apply it to this day.
“Never fear to hurt another in a just cause” caught my attention early on. Who decided “just cause”?” – I say the individual does. For me this meant/means that if someone is coming after me or a loved one with a knife or gun with intent to kill, I will fight and kill them first. It has never meant the perverted version of going after a Paulette Cooper. “Never desert a group, etc.”, to me this means never deserting my family or group with good intentions, not the perverted version of staying in the SO until you’ve been beaten down.
Glad you brought this up because it did grab me. Now I’m thinking that Ron never came up with these. One of my favorites that I want to share with all exes here is “Never regret yesterday, life is in you today and you make your tomorrow”, THIS I have to remind myself every day when I get all pissed off about my time in this cult.
+1 Me, too, Mrs. P.
Interesting comment, thegman77. Apparently OSA operates on it being OK to hurt another for a “just cause” which for them would be defined as any person or group that hurts Scientology in some fashion.
I also have a problem with that “just cause” phrase. Who, indeed, decides that? Its a phrase open to very wide interpretation.
To me it serves as justification for all KINDS of evil perpetrated by Co$
I was born with a very severe stuttering problem. As a kid, I prayed for death every single night. The cult said, “Dianetics can cure your stuttering!” That’s all I needed to heard. However, my stuttering was never addressed. Ever. It was just the grades that everyone did to get to clear. Of course, the cult says they can cure ANYTHING! Well, no, no they can’t.. At all.
Wow Surfer Dude, we all have a story. I’d love to meet you all at a gathering. We can tell stories. That would be healing. We can put up a table and chair for the OSA.
We can have the SP ball on Ron’s Birthday.
We can give OSA minions beer and cookies and serve them. That should screw with their heads! Be loving and kind to those still under the spell
In my church there is a splinter group with a gripe against the organization. One day at an event they were picketing outside the church. The my friend asked the minister if we can invite them in and feed them.
That’s what happened. We made friends. That is true OT power.
I think a gathering is in order, Brian. Good call!
Yes, that IS true OT power, Brian! For eons, its been the same concept described in so very many ways. The Beatles said it well: “All You Need Is Love” (ba pa da da da). Powerful stuff.
And in the New Testament, Jesus said, “A soft answer turneth away wrath”. And, look, for anyone who disbelieves that Jesus existed, that’s fine, because what’s known is that SOMEBODY said it 🙂
I’m so sorry. I used to make all these kinds of promises as a staff member. “Scientology can help you with that”.
Gak.
You’re absolutely right of course. I
No matter what the problem is, Scientology can help you with that. Unfortunately, they really can’t. At all. All they know how to do is…take as much of your money that they can. And then ask for more…
Hi Bro!
I’m still looking at his Occult writings after more than 45 years!
At least the pain in my head that I developed every time I listened to him since I left in 1989 is
down to one aspirin.
Seriously, Brian. Hubbard was a challenge for me. In the end, I had to sharpen my
own mind and get a doll body to cut his cords.
Best.
George
Hi George – I’m still trying to figure out your new doll body! It’s kind of cute but also kind of sinister. The formal attire gives gravitas to your comments.
Hubbs was exploring the occult well before dn and scn as shown by his earlier association with Jack Parsons and the Aleister Crowley Thelema group.
Interesting side note from wiki – “In 2002, a BBC poll placed Crowley seventy-third in a list of the 100 Greatest Britons.” There is still plenty of interest in occultism.
I’m just guessing but maybe with Stonehenge as part of their national psyche some Brits would be more accepting or intrigued by occultism. Who knows what kind of occultism went on way back then.
Hi Richard!
After reading every Occult book I could download, one night it hit me that there is a turning point in Occult study. I saw myself at the same point Hubbard was at many years ago. One needs to make a conscious decision at some point in time to take the higher road or the lower one. Hubbard took the lower road in the Occult. He did not go into Satanism but he took steps into the development of demonology. The higher road is more difficult and does not contain earthly reward. The doll body fits this sinister point that one reaches in the study of the Occult. By the way, I have taken your advice and I have a website under construction which is not yet ready. I see Occult in everything Hubbard did, because I see that he was essentially a thief of ideas.
People do not understand Hubbard mainly because he was in a trance much of the time. While in this trance, he thought he was hooking in to a great river of ideas. He falls into past lives, for example, in many of his lectures with ease. Hubbard had the lower level occult idea of past lives. It was sort of a situation where there was connection of a “chain” even during a 300 year period. Hubbard demonized past lives. No Neo-Platonist in his right mind would accept Hubbard. For all history, past life trajectories were far more complex because of the connection of body to spirit. Hubbard turns into the MacDonald’s of past lives and screws up everything.
George – Good news on the website! I think it’s unlikely many others will go into the depth which you have done on scn occult roots. I might suggest keeping it simple on a website for general readership – or not. You could do a follow up more scholarly treatise later with footnotes and so on if you wish. Up to you.
Now that you brought up neoplatonism above, it’s back to doing a bit more study on that. I’m still working on my honorary self appointed Phd in Philosophy.
I’m an internet dummy but when I figure out how to create an avatar I think I’ll choose “Chucky”, the evil, immortal and indestructible doll from the horror flick. In one flick he got shredded but came back stitched up with stitches all over his face. In another episode he got burned up but came back with burnt hair and a scorched face. That might be more indicative of getting scorched in scn and coming back!
Yo Brotha George!
Your piece of the puzzle, the Occult, is an important one. Your view always takes Hubbard back to his roots: Crowley and power over others and power over things: metaphysical power using will.
Sometimes I want to write about this but I recognize that many have dumped the metaphysical aspect of life as a result of Hubbard’s crushing betrayal of trust.
Hubbard aspired to demonic qualities. There is so much to say about this. There was a metaphysical evil to the man.
I don’t mind you guys who think the metaphysical think is BS. I respect that. It’s all good.
I agree re: occult. In tarot reading, the bridge suggests focusing on opportunities to overcome obstacles.
I see lots of similarities in different religions, symbolism, etc. Just not enough to write a thesis.
I’ve been watching exorcism stuff on TV, specifically about the Warrens. Something in one of the movies caught my attention. The Three stages of possession are infestation, oppression (the most vulnerable in household is targeted), and third…possession.
Thetan. Did LrH lithp?
I never “went there” with studying demons. The habit that was instilled in me from childhood was not to open my mind to it, to just pray.
Can’t find “lithp”?
“Hubbard aspired to demonic qualities.” Yes and this brought him the demonic “son”, DM, who inherited his church and rules it with pure evil intentions. I guess we can say he “pulled it in”.
Brian – I’m so glad you ‘get it’. For me, I’ve dumped all metaphysical as a survival mechanism. I don’t feel like I’m in any shape to even hold an opinion most days, let alone have an answer to anything. So gun-shy as to want to hide in a box. 🙂
“Hubbard’s crushing betrayal of trust” really sums it up. As of a result of this I have no trust in myself along these lines.
Obviously I can be fully duped rather easily. I’d rather have no answers than have any more false certainties.
and I’m fine with that. 🙂
SFN, we were all duped. All of us. It happened. Now? Well, we’re all leading the lives we want! Now that’s total freedom! Peace and blessings to you!
“I’d rather have no answers than have any more false certainties.”
Totally agree secretfornow.
I send you good wishes SFN. Thank you for your contribution and sharing your experiences here. May happiness be yours evermore. And love too. Can’t forget about love. ?
Loving yourself is the first step. And, often, the most difficult.
Yo Brotha Brian!
“Hubbard aspired to demonic qualities. There is so much to say about this. There was a metaphysical evil to the man.”
My Occult research is showing this to be true. We think of demonology and we get ideas of the
Middle Ages monsters. But demonology in its pure form could easily produce Hubbard and his
work. It really gets down to the force of will. There is a higher level demonology which easily
produces the idea of thetans.
Don’t want to stray too much into Metaphysics, Brian, but one fact will seal it all up about Hubbard. In ancient Greece, the word used was daemon or daimon because originally these were not conceived as the malevolent demons of the middle ages. To the ancients, a daemon could be sort of mildly evil. So if you look at the study of Hubbard’s cleared theta clear, which of course was his highest theoretical level, a better name for Scientology would be Daemonology. But Hubbard never produced anything even close to his highest theoretical level. But Scientology is a total misnomer because Hubbard had nothing to do with science. It really fits – Daemonology or Daimonology. Ih he told me that on day one, instead of his nonsence, I would have balked.
Btw, my wife at the time totally rejected Scientology based on one simple fact. She noted that Hubbard was fat. She said to me “A guru cannot be fat, period”. She asked the question about Hubbard as fat. The I/C said “Well, he has a few things not handled”. She walked away from Scientology. Smart Lady, she was.
A lot of Buddhas I’ve seen have been fat. Not defending Hubbard or obesity, just saying.
Did those Buddhas claim to have the key to human nutrition and why people became fat Aqua? L. Con Tubbolard did. Hence the post…
I got into scientology alone, reading Hubbard’s books. My last bit of skepticism evaporated when I met middle-aged scientologists, who credited scientology with their success in life. I thought: if scientology doesn’t offer what Hubbard claims it does, these people would have figured that out by now and wouldn’t be doing it anymore.
Brian this was a great essay.
I am still unwinding my slave status to LRH after being “in” for 35 years and doing the whole “bridge” and now “out” for 10 years. 45 years in total.
The place I “lost it” 45 years ago was when I accepted that little line in KSW policy (Keeping Scientology Working) in the first course pack where he says to “never mind” about how he managed to rise above the bank and therefore above me and all humanity. I really questioned that at the time. But, after I accepted that little line, I joined the SO and became a $10 a week SO slave trying to save the planet while he laughed at me (people like me) and put his money in the bank. Actually, he didn’t care enough about me (another slave) to laugh at me. Truth is, he couldn’t make friends with anyone. It was not because he was god with no equal, but because anyone who got close to him missed his withholds and so ALL his management that got close was summarily trashed by him. He had no real friends in his life and he died with no one he cared for near him.
This is the quote from LRH’s KSW:
“We will not speculate here on why this was so or how I came to rise above the bank.
We are dealing only in facts and the above is a fact – the group left to its own devices would
not have evolved Scientology but with wild dramatization of the bank called “new ideas”
would have wiped it out. Supporting this is the fact that Man has never before evolved workable
mental technology and emphasizing it is the vicious technology he did evolve – psychiatry,
psychology, surgery, shock treatment, whips, duress, punishment, etc, ad infinitum. “
+1! Outstanding post!
Thanks Robert for your vulnerable honesty. That “I was the only one to rise above the bank” comment also acted the same on me.
With a few words Hubbard implanted an Altitude Instruction. The fucking balls of that guy! (I’m enjoying my anger)
That one statement, that one fucking bald face lie worked to isolate Hubbard from all of us earthlings, wise men and sages throughout history.
With this one lie he places himself on the pedestal that only he inhabited.
And to think that his motive in all of this was money and power.
He betrayed and screwed up many people’s idea of the spiritual life. I’m glad I had it as a goal before Scientology. I just picked up were I left off.
My understanding of Hubbard became more clear, for me, when continued in my spiritual studies and practices.
It’s strange, but Hubbard’s third partying of other paths was a difficult thing for me. There was an unsettling doubt that kept certain ideas clouded with his lies.
Hubbard need meds and therapy.
What an eloquent mini-memoir of your own experiences in the cult!
“I worked and sacrificed my life for a planet without insanity while Ron ordered suitcases of cash to offshore accounts to hide from the taxman. Apparently a cleared planet had two different meanings. His was NOT ours.”
This epiphany goes to the heart of answering the core question of whether Elron was essentially a con artist and a charlatan or merely some incredibly verbose crank, which is exactly how Jon Atack and Jeffrey Augustine framed it in their very highly recommended discussion, linked on Tony O’s blog yesterday ( see here http://tonyortega.org/2017/06/11/neil-gaimans-sis-begs-her-fellow-scientologists-to-donate-to-an-already-funded-building/ ).
In that Surviving Scientology interview, Jon describes his own dawning realization that, no what we might have thought about what $cn’s true purpose was, it was always – first and foremost – Elron’s money-making enterprise. With that central understanding in mind, he notes that much of what makes little or no sense about how $cn was run – both in Elron’s day and now, under lil davey’s malign control – begins to make perfect sense when you view it through that lens!
It’s a very bitter pill to swallow for those who continue to see Elron as being well-intended, and would prefer to lay the responsibility for the cherch’s turn to the Dark Side solely at lil davey’s tiny feet. However, as they say, “The Truth shall set you free”.
Unfortunately, for some former true believer $cilons the cost of that freedom was truly immense; while for others, it appears to be more than they can bear even now.
Thank you Harpoona. I so enjoy your thought processes.
Thank you very much for sharing, Brian. No matter how much I think I’m free of the effects of Scientology, I know it is only partially true. This blog, and the comments on it, are an important component of healing and true Alf realization. Thank you Mike, and everyone else that contributes.
Thank you Ed. After 35 years of being out I am quite surprised at the thought impression
That still lurk. I have begun to enjoy uncovering the wrong knowledge.
Each uncovered lie, embraced and resolved, is liberation itself.
The biggest hook for me was the Bridge of the early 70’s which promised me that I could be at cause over matter, energy space and time, stable exteriorization etc etc ! What a crock that turned out to be. But I was gullible, I must admit, and I just accepted this all as fact as how could so many people be part of this movement if that was a total lie?! Other things made the sale a bit more real, like the comm course, study tech, PTS tech and all of the life and livingness scales. Surely if those things had a lot of truth to them, then the whole Scientology bridge must be real and attainable, right? WRONG! But you know, I never asked any OT’s if they had obtained what the bridge offered, even though I worked with many OT’s and was married to an OT7.
One day after course, back in the day, a new recruit came up to me. He knew I was OT3 at the time and wanted to know if I could “make my body rise up in the air,” could I read minds, could I predict the future, what super powers did I have? Kinda awkward for me as I brushed him off and explained it’s not really like that… The next day he was gone for roll call and he never showed up again. Lucky guy. Ironic now to think back that he ‘got it’, and I didn’t. I should have listened to my own dialogue.
I asked my x wife, an OT3, the same thing. She showed my the doctrine of the hidden standard and my mind simply seized up.
Proof!!! We don’t need no stinkin proof. That’s for tiny thetans.
Big thetans prefer the mind fuckery of Mailignant Narcissistics.
Hubbard was the essence of deranged make believe with a smattering of accuracy.
‘Deranged,’ is Hubbard’s middle name.
Thank you Brian. You nail the ‘boiled frog’ theme very well. Every guru, every charlatan uses the same or very similar approach.
In $cientology, a small percentage of the general population walk in the door and those numbers decrease for every step on the bridge. Eventually, almost everyone escapes.
Thank you for your candor. I’ve never been in Scientology but back in the late 70s I got involved in a different kind of cult – Primal Therapy – that also offered far more than it could deliver. I was much younger then and becoming hooked and the subsequent “unhooking” over more than a few years has taught me heaps.
I would only ask folks who’ve been “slow boiled” and lived to tell the tale to be kind to themselves. We were all young and naive once and that’s no crime; it’s certainly not something to beat ourselves up over. Be gentle and kind to that younger self – he or she has suffered enough!
You are absolutely right on that. We do need to be kind to ourselves and to forgive ourselves. It was a time of naïveté and we wanted the best for the world and for ourselves.
Michieux – After I blew scn in 1983 I hooked up with a gal who was an escapee from “The Center For Feeling Therapy” which was a small cult and an offshoot (squirrel group in scio-speak) from Primal Therapy. Small world – lol. We’d compare notes on our cult experiences. In her group the head magoo decided who lived with who, who married who etc.etc.
According to wiki Primal Therapy (The Primal Scream) experimented with a 10 foot long adjustable pressure “birthing tube”. The “patient” was covered in a slick substance to simulate birth. It takes all kinds. LOL
(I’m certainly not asking you if your own “therapy” went that far, Michieux) 🙂
Michieux, I love that reminder to be kind to ourselves – what a lovely and well-timed (for me in a totally different context) thought.
Thank you for the reminder Michieux. It’s always a good default attitude in any circumstance. I’m still working on it. ?
Hopefully this link will work. Its a Ted-Ed 6 minute short on why people join cults. Regardless of ones position on the merits of Scientology, independent or otherwise this may prove to be enlightening. https://www.youtube.com/user/TEDEducation
Excellent video, Doug!
Thanks Doug, that was it in a nutshell. It’s amazing how the phenomenon of cults have such similar dynamics. Great vid.
Thank you SO MUCH for this video.
Do you know…wow…watching it… for the first time since I came to my senses, I felt a tiny flame of pride for having done so.
And to be clear, it’s not that I’ve been ashamed of being in or out, I just couldn’t feel any sense of “well done!” “good job” on having done so. I’ve just been gasping for air.
This video is like a cool hand on a warm brow.
Thank you.
I started in my early 20s.
I did the Comm. Course, loved it and still feel the case gain I got from it over 40 years later.
Next, I read DMSMH over a couple of days.
Thought it was interesting but didn’t really believe it.
Eventually, I bought a block of 4 auditing intensives.
This was back in the 70s when the prices were a lot more reasonable.
The auditing went great and at that point they had me.
I have heard a lot on this site and elsewhere about how the main result of auditing is euphoria which soon wears off and is not worth much.
For me, there was some truth in this at the early stages.
Everything was rather unstable.
At the higher levels, there was a lot less euphoria and it was more about slowly building up solid case gain which I still retain today.
I made it up to OT V.
Of course, this is only my take and I don’t expect to convince anyone who had a different experience.
The first cracks appeared for me when I was on staff (for 7 years.)
If Scientology was all about a world without insanity then why was the management so crazy?
I saw the fall of the Guardian’s Office and the rise of CMO and the Finance Police.
I thought the Finance Police were much worse than the GO had ever been.
I would have felt differently about this if I had known the full extent of the GO’s crimes, but it is definitely true that the GO were milder towards Org Staff than the Sea Org Units that succeeded them. Of course, they were vicious towards anyone they considered to be an external enemy.
All of this meant that there was no way I would resign my staff contract when it expired, even when I was threatened with a Declare for deciding to leave???
To begin with, I welcomed the emergence of David Miscavige because, after my experiences on staff, I thought Hubbard was a truly dreadful manager.
Talk about “out of the frying pan, into the fire.”
Cavalier, thanks for posting your experiences. You represent well those who benefitted greatly from the subject itself – in spite of the gross outpoints of the organization.
Thank you for this post Brian. I didn’t even realize the moments I was being indoctrinated until reading this. I love how you tear these subjects apart and make sense of things. I think, for me, I was hungry for anything that made me feel valuable and in the beginning, the love bomb worked on me and I just thought I had found quite a deal. I was a public for 25 years and long distant at that, thank goodness! It was when I joined staff and went for training that I saw the BS and left before ever stepping foot in the church. Thanks again, you really made my day!
OutandAbout ybou just reminded me of the group exceptance.
The first “THAT’S IT! BRIAN LAMBERT HAS JUST STARTED THE COMM COURSE”!!!
The group love bomb, smiles and applause was a most definite hook. Love and attention is like a drug to young teens going through the normal identity crises.
Thanks, Brian. This is a great post.
I wish I could contribute something meaningful, but I was so easily just IN there was never any doubt from word one.
I’m UTR so to be vague about it…. I was very young, below age, and with some rough background, and then was FSMed in by my closest and dearest friend.
A drowning child thrown a lifeline of answers, friends, a group, a cause, a life, an escape.
It could have been any cult.
All the things you mention just helped seat the dedication.
Somehow, reading others say how they were in for 10 years, 15, 7 years, ….hurts.
I was in for almost 40. I’m still really f*cked up by all this.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. By 40 years in, Scientology must have been your entire life: your family, your friends, your business relationships, etc. It must be harder to leave when you’re so entangled. I hope you found a soft place to land.
Thanks. Yes, the entanglement hinders the recovery. This blog and new friends are part of that soft landing.
Hang in there my friend. You are supported.
Wow. Your comment just got to me. I was never in so its hard for me sometimes to understand WHY. Why do so many intelligent people fall for this stuff? But this post & your comment opened my eyes. I understand a lot better now how it can happen & looking at it this way, it seems that they prey on people that are in vulnerable places in their lives. Which is wrong on so many levels. I’m glad to hear that you’re not fully IN anymore & hopefully with all the horrible publicity the “church” will stop the fair gaming & disconnection & you & your family can finally be free from them.
Well ..then…it’s good I came and posted ..and I’m glad. Thank you. Today’s post by Brian and then commenting on it…. made it all too loud in my head and really hard to shake out of. It’s been a bit rough.
I have no illusions about disconnection being cancelled at any time. That policy is too tightly entwined and cross referenced in too many places. Trying to change it would domino too much. It would mean having to fully alter all of the PTS tech and Ethics tech. It’s just way too big for Miss Cabbage to try to change with one of his magical discoveries of “what hubbard really wanted”
Built into it’s very core and bones, scientology does not have the ability to say, “we’ve decided not follow this part of the tech”
….
Thanks for the empathy. 🙂
For “Disconnection” to be cancelled would be the death knell for the organization. It is the ONLY way they can control their current members by forbidding them contact with those on the outside who might influence or convince the member to LEAVE the church.
Outside influence from a non member who can convince even ONE person to leave would cause severe consequences for CO$. If ONE person left, many others would follow suit as well & that would not look good for CO$.
Sadly, so many families are suffering the loss of disconnected family members…..all to the great joy and happiness of the COB. His OWN WIFE is seemingly “disconnected” form HIM as well…..Hey DAVID M….just WHERE the HELL is your wife Shelley????
From my view, while it’s very useful and productive to discuss the awful and inhumane practice of disconnection and declare, it’s not so to discuss the concept of ending it.
DM or anyone who follows him simply can’t do it.
GAT One and GAT Two and the new basics did little to change scn in the grand scheme of things.
There are thousands of references to SPs in hubbard’s tek. The key polices and HCOBs are too entwined. It’s a major part of the fabric of scn.
It would be like if they tried to throw out the three barriers to study or something.
They are locked IN.
Unless scn was to disavow hubbard, disconnection will stay.
(the closest thing happening along this line is the fact that the SHSBC/VIII Course have not been delivered since November of 2013. It’s unfathomable how he’s getting away with no BC. I only assume that everyone is expecting that it’s being overhauled and will be -re-released GAT style.) (and that’s another head scratcher, how can a course personally delivered by the old man asshat be “out tech and need correction”?)
It’s a testament to how cowed people are that you don’t actually hear screaming of “WTF?” on no BC for 3.5 years.
……and as another aside…. (not to be disagreeable or anything)
I think also the “control” has mainly to do with the belief in OT levels and a magical Eternity of OT Powers. It’s the threat of loss of this that keeps people in line, as well as a fundamental belief in “Ron”.
We saw management come and go, staff come and go, bridge steps and order change up and so on, injustices occur, but the carrot was too big and to deny any of it was to deny it all and to lose the answer you had to life.
For me, this is a big thing to deal with. I no longer have those answers. Leah rightly called it, “missing the certainty”. To give up on that core idea of scn is to lose your very foundation and “stable datum” of life.
For me, disconnection and declare is what keeps the UTRs (like me) quiet. That’s all.
SFN, I hope you are finding solutions to get un-fucked up. I was an LRH believer 40yrs (74-2014). Simply denouncing the church in 2010 didn’t do it for me. I made no discoveries on my own how I got so tied up.
However educating myself for 4 years brought me to understand and I am slowly undoing the mind rape. It’s only been since reading the affirmations last year that I truly came out of doubt on the man. Once that occurred the recovery has snowballed. Every day is better then the last but I have to treat myself as if I am fragile. I don’t drive. I don’t go to parties or hang out with neighbors and have a good time. I can not even have a glass of wine in fear I will ‘forget myself’. I hope you are in a safe place and know that you are not the only one and that you have someone to lean on. You deserve it. Anyone that would spend 40 years to help make this planet a better place should be eligible for VA assistance. My best wishes to you. 🙂
Cece,
¨Amen¨ to what you said!
For any folks who have just left or who are uncertain about the validity of scientology as a beneficial, effective philosophy and self-help tool, I would urge you to follow Hub´s own advice to
¨look at scientology VERY critically¨(the whole quote is in a 1959 Ability Magazine article) and to keep in mind The Creed of Scientology, which underscores your right to ¨ think freely, talk freely, to write freely (their own opinions) and to counter or utter or write upon the opinions of others.¨ If ¨the tech¨ is what it says it is and delivers what it promises, it should easily withstand critical scrutiny AND it should be relatively simple to find third-party verification of its claims, as well as empirical evidence in the real world of the results it allegedly produces.
Also, ponder the conundrum of successfully/strictly following the ¨KSW¨ policy while exercising the aforementioned creed-endorsed freedoms.Fact-check Hubbard´s claims and his organizations´ claims( all of the ¨church¨ entities and the ¨social betterment groups¨) and look at outside sources of information. Surely ¨the tech¨ and ¨mankind´s best friend¨ can withstand said scrutiny.
Good Luck…and may you never be the same!
for myself, I’m not using or reminding myself to use any of hubbards works to recover or heal myself or deal or get along or get over or anything.
I am working too hard to get it out of my head and try to learn to think for myself.
Thanks so much, Cece.
This worries me a bit:
“I don’t drive. I don’t go to parties or hang out with neighbors and have a good time. I can not even have a glass of wine in fear I will ‘forget myself’
Why not? This is exactly what I am doing to grab some sort of sanity.
I have family/friend/business scios in my daily life. I often feel like what I really need is some actual counselling with someone who knows scn in and out and also knows cults and the destruction of the mind.
I can’t speak out my mind, I have to hide everything, I’m afraid to even reach out to ex’s, wouldn’t meet up with them for fear of being found out.
I’ve been cultivating non-scn relationships. That, and this blog has been my lifeline and sanity. I have some plans in the works that will help me do this more and still appear “innocent”.
I went from devout to utterly shattered and done with everything pretty much overnight. It has been a lot to take. But even though it’s terribly terribly hard to deal with the shatteredness in my mind about it all, processing things and all, and living with big fat lies all the time……
I’m still so glad. It’s worth it. I’m just about BBQs and cakes these days and trying not to think at all.
I’m generally torn between wanting to find someone to talk to about it all, and also trying to just stop thinking about any of it and stay away from everything as much as possible – including the blogs.
and then I tell myself to slow down, don’t worry, don’t think… just go make a cake.
Fragility is a good way to describe it. For right now I’m just giving myself a pass on everything.
I don’t beat myself up for being so stupid as to have wasted my life. It hurts, but it’s not the pain of self flagellation, – many people in many times can look back and mourn for “what could have been”.
I sorely wish we could hang out together.
God, secretfornow, it must be tough for you. I’m so sorry you have to be in this situation.
Find someone to talk to secretfornow. Just cling to the truth. Follow it. Follow your intuition. Do it on the down low. Get help.
If your emotions go crazy; exercise.
I send you hugs across the airwaves my friend. ❤️?
Me too secret for now. I was 17. It was so easy to believe because I did not have much experience to think with.
Open, naive and trusting. That was Hubbard’s entry into our lives. And he knew how to work trust. He knew that promoting himself as special and gaining trust was the way to control people.
Altitude Instruction is the powerful deception used by the con man. He was master of this psychological manipulation.
Isn’t it amazing? We studied that stuff – Altitude Instruction? I’m VERY familiar with those works. And we didn’t tumble. (or at least, I didn’t)
The more I read and look the more I just shake my head at it all. I don’t actually question, “how could I have been so stupid/naive/gullible?” I KNOW that. 🙂 But I can be freshly amazed at how he pretty much outed himself everywhere he went and …I was so thoroughly brainwashed I didn’t see it!
We got in….. because we were young and it was the 70’s!
Secretfornow, my heart goes out to you. I was a 17 year old living off campus in Portland OR in 1972 searching for the meaning of life and someone who would adore me. I heard of Dianetics because the books were everywhere but thankfully, I didn’t know anyone who was in the cult so never was directly approached. I may have read a few paragraphs but did not finish the book as I could not understand it. This brings me to my next thought. Although I did not get sucked into that mess, I did begin a very, very long string of relationships with men whom I so hoped would meet my emotional and spiritual needs. This is the very same thing as those of you who did get pulled in to $cn did. I just had a different carrot. I am no different than you. Please do be kind to yourself, my friend.
thank you. I do remind myself to be kind to myself, and isn’t it a wonderful sensation? It’s quite helpful. I hope the same for you.
Brian, thanks for sharing. I was introduced at the Dianetics level which I found for me was so insane, it was the end of anything I would have to think LRon was right about anything in the future. But, if I had been introduced to Scientology at the points you introduced, it would have been too hard to dispel this mystique and ‘facts’ he presented. Do not worry what has occurred in the past. You have learned and are exposing now the real evil of his world.
Whew! Not all but a lot of this is a big, heartbreaking bullseye.
“Heartbreaking bullseye!” What an accurate description McCarran.
I’ve had a lot of sweet friends in Scn. I think you could have been one of them had we met.
Wow what an impinging article! I feel the pain. Mind you – compared to some, too only my family & I to have 15 years of our lives impacted and at a cost of approximately $400,000 (90 percent donations and not much was allowed for personal enhancement – with what $’s were left) – I actually feel fortunate to have got away with so little damage, compared to what I hear and read others have gone through. thank you Mike and all the others who keep exposing the Church every single day.
Stephen, sorry to hear that you lost so much financially – but glad that you feel you got away with little real damage.
The outside proportion to pure donations versus services, has me wondering how common that is – and what the average proportion is.
I was wondering if that disproportionality would have any implications for Scientology’s tax exemptions – and then I realized, it is actually making the CofS’ finances more like a traditional “church.” That also means that they are more insulated from taking a big financial hit if they ever lose their questionable, unique exemption for “fixed donation” services, which makes it easier for members to afford more of those services; now, their income is based more on straight donations that wouldn’t be impacted unless they lost their tax exemption entirely.
Excellent Brian. I was brought in as a kid. So I was told to believe. Much like kids brought up in any religion.
The way I was able to deconstruct the scam for myself was thus: This is in a nutshell. I realized per Hubbard that everything revolved around the Grade Chart and “getting up it”. Hubbard’s rationale being that BEFORE one gets on the Chart one is a lowly “wog” missing the abilities that are “gained” from doing the Bridge. (see Abilities gained on the processing side of the chart).
I finally did what one is FORBIDDEN by Hubbard to do in Scientology. I started ASKING people who did levels what their “gains” were and to demonstrate them. This quickly showed me that there were ZERO demonstrable abilities GAINED by doing the Bridge that wogs did not have. 100% contrary to what Hubbard said about the bridge.
That showed me the scam in its entirety.
Ah Winsky! A man after my own heart.
I agree, the greatest anarchy to false doctrines and deceptive knowledge is the question.
I love the power of questions. Questions are the threshold to direct perception of reality.
And direct perception will always be the enemy of falsehoods!
Questioning was the same as criminality for Ron. He criminalizes doubt and questions.
Ron’s Narcissist personality would rather us tear our souls apart finding evil in ourselves through sec checking than allow us to think for ourselves.
Intelligent questioning was cryptonite for Ron. Truth was the enemy of Ron.
The truth of Ron and Scientology is the destruction of Ron and Scientology.
Long live the SP suppressive QUESTION!!!!
Very succinct of you Brian. Ron was the “anti-truth”. What a trap he prepared.
Hubbard was the biggest wankers this planet has ever seen! Indeed, he was a putz!
Brian,
Great post. Thanks for the insight and viewpoints. Look forward to more.
I pulled myself up and out of the rabbit hole when I looked directly at all I had experienced and took full responsibility for all of it. I had allowed myself to be duped and that was the basic truth. And once all the bullshit was gone I saw that I have always been the ethical, powerful and most able being they said I wasn’t (but could possibly be if I paid a few hundred thousand more). It is all in the past now and I have never been happier.
Glenn, beautiful post. Beautiful.
Glenn: “I pulled myself up and out of the rabbit hole when I looked directly at all I had experienced and took full responsibility for all of it. I had allowed myself to be duped and that was the basic truth.”
Those are words of wisdom, as is the rest of your comment. Having this point of view goes a long way towards healing and, in my view, is even necessary for it to occur. If we got nothing else out of Scientology but this particular realization, it would be a big leap forward in spiritual freedom. Well done, Glenn. I hope others can do the same when the time is right, and have the same relief.
Great post, Glenn!!
Over the years, and particularly over the past two years, I was finally able to internalize and subjectively understand something that I consider a fundamental truth in life :
“As long as one is battling/protesting against something, one is still being the unwilling and unknown effect of it”.
I know, I know, the above statement sounds sort of “Hubbard(arian)”, but it is just a coincidence, haha.
And if one is still being the unwilling/unknown effect of something, then I am afraid that one is STILL blaming it. And blaming anything is a sure route to diminished personal power, self-confidence, self-respect and self-esteem.
When one has FINALLY understood that one is the total cause of anything and everything that has ever happened to us, an incredible miracle happens : the willingness and ability to “let go”.
“Letting go” is THE most therapeutic healing activity that has ever existed and will ever exist. It is basically and in essence, what you Glenn was able to do with your Scientology experience.
But there is a preliminary step to the action of letting go : “Taking full responsibility for our OWN participation in ANY ‘bad’ situation that has ever happened to us, and being totally willing to forgive”. After those two steps, the action of “Letting go” comes naturally.
“Letting go” means Freedom, Liberation, peace of mind, calmness, self-confidence, and real happiness.
All of the above take a few books for some people to understand it. For others it might take a few books plus a LOT of losses. For others it can take years; and for others, more than one lifetime. It just happens when it happens.
These next comments will sound a little bit harsh to many here, and even condescending and self-righteous, but I mean well by it; my intention is to help and not to criticize.
It seems to me than a rather LARGE percentage of the ex-Scientologists that I see participating in this and others Scientology-related blogs, are STILL to some degree or another, being the unknown effect of their past experiences with the subject of Scientology. They are still being bitter about it in some way or another, or angry or hurt about it, or just TOO fixated on it.
And let me tell you something dear friends, Scientology has this strange and insidious capacity to EAT your soul in SO many unsuspected ways.
This and others blogs have a THERAPEUTIC function to them which can’t and should not be invalidated or ignored. They are the first stage of self-healing, of recovery, of self-esteem and self-confidence. But at some point, we NEED to graduate from the “therapy program” and go on with our lives, which means, “LETTING GO” of Scientology and EVERYTHING related to it for good.
If one fails to do just that, what happens is a continuous vicious circle of blame, shame, regret, attack, and general bitterness. Sometimes it is obvious for yourself, but most of the times you won’t be aware of it. You’ll think that “everything is just fine; I already healed. I am just helping others”. Well, I see it differently because I have been there MYSELF.
Advising you guys and gals to just “Let go” of EVERYTHING having to with Scientology – even ATTACKING the CofS – is an advice that sooner or later (I hope that sooner than later) you’ll thank me for.
Some of you will not understand my general post; some of you will feel insulted by it; some of you will think, “He is just a self-righteous, condescending fool”; but a few of you WILL get the point, and that’s enough for me.
ThetaClear – Also, many people recover from drug addiction or alcoholism. They make amends wherever possible and move on. Some people remain in their Twelve Step programs to help others while most people just let it go and move on. It’s an individual choice.
I understand and agree that it is an individual choice, Richard. That being said, the alcoholic who just “moved on” and the one who continued with some of the 12-steps Program, BOTH recovered upon having practiced the principle of “Letting go”. I feel that you might have missed my point and the essence of the concept of “Letting go”.
To fully recover from alcoholism a person must have :
1. Fully forgiven himself/herself for his/her bad past actions = “Letting go of guilt”.
2. Fully forgiven those who had hurt or wronged him/her = “Letting go of hate and bitterness”.
3. Made amends on his//her life that contributed to his/her feeling of having been rehabilitated, and thus made it possible to “let go of his/her past”.
In summary, you don’t see her/him talking ENDLESSLY about his past grievances, or about the things that others did to him/her, or about all the “bad” people that got him into alcoholism; meaning he “Let go” of ALL of it, and thus, he recovered.
It is the SAME exact thing with Scientology, Richard. You see people STILL being a victim of LRH’s past stupid and misguided actions evidenced with their CONTINUOUS blaming of him. You see people hating DM’s gut and even wishing his death or total destruction. They don’t seek forgiveness nor rehabilitation, but only punishment and vengeance. They are still, to some degree or another (some just a little, some to a very noticeable degree), FIXATED on the subject of Scientology, LRH or DM.
Even though that you might see rehabilitated past alcoholics still doing some of the 12-Steps Program, if they TRULY and FACTUALLY got rehabilitated, you certainly don’t see them whining about others’ faults and bad behavior, or being fixated on the past. They moved on, which could translate into, “They let go”.
As long as there exist even the tiniest feeling of hate, anger, frustration, or regret, the healing is not complete, and we are STILL holding on to the past. And that’s unhealthy, dear Richard, that’s unhealthy.
It is quite all right to complain, to mourn, to feel hurt or betrayed. That’s all part of the healing process, but at some point we NEED to graduate from that “Therapy program” and just move on with our lives if we are to expect a REAL and lasting liberation of the soul. THAT was my whole point all along. An incredible simple statement such a “Letting go” is, has behind it one of the most remarkably liberating results upon its conscious application of it.
There WILL be others DMs; there will ALWAYS be the “cult leaders”. Engaging in a life battle to destroy one, misguidedly thinking that one is “saving” others in the process, is a DEAD END proposition that can only eat our souls in the end; a no-win situation. But as I said on my earlier post, some will understand this and some won’t. I am just extremely HAPPY, that I was finally able to understand it myself.
ThetaClear – I just used the Twelve Step example to point out that some people like Mike Rinder and others might feel a duty or obligation to keep pointing out the continuing lies, stupidities and injustices of the current CoS. In Twelve Step programs it would simply be called “giving back.”
On the other hand scn and ex-scn is sticky. Some people get stuck in it. 🙂
Thank you Richard; I understand your point, and Rinder and many others have done a great job at that. I believe that as long as one can keep ourselves emotionally detached from Scn – as in keeping an open communication channel where others can become aware of the deceivableness of Scientology – then no great harm is done to us due to our connection with it.
As to the “stickiness” intrinsic in Scn, that’s an understatement!!! Haha
Brian, as a “never in,” I am so glad you awakened from this scam. Thank you for posting. And thank you, Mike.
Thank you Ken
Another milestone. When I discovered I can name people who are giving me a bad time, suppressive persons. At that point I could treat them as less than human. That one milestone destroyed any progress I had made as a human being.
Boom! I bet this is true for many of people. I think it would definitely be true for my parents, who raised us to think that way too.
BKmole, thanks for bringing that up. I remember searching for SPs when things were not going well in my life. What a mind fuck.
I remember wondering if this or that person was an SP. It was soooooo crazy making.
I truly believe that the SP that Ron warned us about was him.
When I look at Ron with a “reasonable and open mind”, read what he actually did to other people, I concluded, for me, that Ron’s personality was the SP he warned us about.
He WAS the anti social personality.
“Thank you Mike and Marty.”
What a peculiar time to thank Marty.
I wrote this before Marty’s vids came out. I was thanking the Marty who allowed me to deconstruct Hubbard on his site. I still thank him.
That’s about all I have to say about it at this point. I’d rather not talk about that drama in this blog.
“I was thanking the Marty who allowed me to deconstruct Hubbard on his site. I still thank him.”
Thank you for your candor about this, Brian. I have been thankful to Marty and will continue to be thankful, for precisely this reason. It is what it is, no more and no less.
?
Not to enter a Marty debate, but just one point. Several of Marty’s topics over the last two years focused on how “information” is presented and “processed” by people in the modern world. There are lots of people and organizations presenting opinions and false viewpoints as facts. It’s nothing new in history, but now at such an accelerated rate.
“What a peculiar time to thank Marty”
Spot on Oren.
I thought the same thing you guys. I feel sorry for Marty. He’s lost in a bad dream.
Oren, Glenn, Brian,
Have you ever known anyone who did something good that helped people, and subsequent to that good act or acts did something wrong or foolish, or possibly embarked on overall course of action generally considered harmful?
My question to you all is; do the wrong turn or the non-survival acts in present time wipe out for you any and all good that that person did in the past?
Or can you make a distinction between these and give credit where it is due and censure where it is due?
In other words, once someone has been “bad”, that wipes out any of their “good”, be it past, present of potentially, future good?
Just curious.
Edit: my comment above was not addressed to Brian.
Aquamarine. Good question. It is my opinion that a person’s life should be viewed in its entirety. Weigh the good against the bad and see what your heart says. Mary Sue could be considered quite bad for bringing about the FBI raids. Snow White ran for many years on her watch even though she didn’t manage it personally. No Fred Hare was the boy on that. I still wonder how he escaped the trial and prison time.
But anyway, in all my contact and dealings with her I came to see she had a heart of gold. I saw her continually work for the good of everyone and my heart told me she was a truly good and caring person. I also know that she approved of other programs that promoted fraud and violations of law which put many staff and the cult at risk. These never came to view so prosecution was escaped by everyone involved. I honestly believe that she took the rap in the federal trials in the hopes of saving many others. Based on my knowledge that number would have been much, much more than the few who went to prison along with her. So, looking at her life, seeing all that I saw and reflecting on it, I see she was an extremely good person worthy of acknowledgement and praise.
So, to judge someone and do so honestly and with justice one must have a lot of personal experience with them so what one concludes will be founded on knowledge and truth. I know I could never live with anything less than that.
I completely agree with all you’ve said, Glenn. Beautifully expressed, too, by the way. You have to take a long view, you have to know someone for a long time, to get a sense of who that person really is.
Thanks for your understand and acknowledgement Aquamarine.