Public Announcement
Jim Faust
I was in Scientology for 27 years, 6 years of that time as a Sea Org member in the LA area. I was posted at USLO, ASHOD, The Excalibur, Pac Estates, FOLOWUS, and the Pac RPF. I routed out of the SO from the RPF in 1978.
For the next 19 years, I was a public Scn, sometimes very dedicated, sometimes experiencing misgivings and disagreements, most of which I was able to push out of my mind fairly successfully. I gradually did my OT levels up to OTVII, which I audited on for over 4 years.
I did not experience a lot of gains on the OT levels. The amount of cognitive dissonance I experienced worsened the closer I got to the top of the Grade Chart, with the gains I was told I would attain “later on” proving completely elusive. I could no longer banish my discomfort with the Church as efficiently I had been able to in earlier, more zealous years.
I had unreasonably harsh and abusive handlings at Flag in 1997 in my sessions and also in ethics. I left with my certainty that Scientology was working for me more shaken than ever.
I returned home and for the first time decided to view on the Internet the materials we had been told never to examine. I had never read critical press or books, and up till mid-1997 knew only the Scientology and LRH version of the story. I had never met LRH and only knew him through Church books, magazines, issues, and tapes.
I spent three weeks reading everything I could find on the Internet from ex-members, biographers, government enquiries, Hubbard’s military records, and the personal accounts of numerous people who had worked directly or had close personal relationships with him.
What I read filled me with shock, dismay, anger, and a dawning realization that I had been lied to and conned. I came to the conclusion that I had given 27 years to an individual and group that had done a great deal of harm.
I sent my OTVII materials back to Flag and stopped all activity in Scientology at that point. I started a new life in a new area, made new friends, started a new business, in an effort to build a life free of the influence of Scientology. I have been much more successful, calm, and happier as a result.
I stopped short of publicly announcing my departure from the cult. I just wanted peace and quiet.
Eighteen years have passed. I have stayed well-informed of developments inside the group through lots more books, documentaries, inside accounts of high-ranking departed members, YouTube channels, and blogs.
I will never go back. I have three children who all are in the SO and have disconnected with me due to my departure and disagreements. I am sorry about that and can only hope that they will through their own personal experience come to perceive the true nature and modus operandi of the cult and emerge from the mindset created by the incessant spin, propaganda, and confusing and false doctrines created by Hubbard and distilled by Miscavige.
It is clear that the Internet has created access to information that was never anticipated by Hubbard and that his techniques of suppressing criticism and controlling what his adherents know are no longer adequate to keep members isolated and under full control. The Church is shrinking and focusing on holding on to its deep-pocketed. “whales.” But even though it is in decline worldwide, it has a lot of money and can afford numerous lawyers to protect it from suits for fraud, human rights abuses, refusal to repay unused fees, etc.
I believe that the world would be a far better place without authoritarian, fundamentalist, and fanatical groups such as Scientology. I do not use the teachings of Scientology except as they align with my own experience and observation, and have no interest in adhering to any organized system of beliefs except those I have developed for myself. I believe that the overall effect of Scientology on me was deleterious and am still trying to recover fully from the false ideas and doctrines with which I was indoctrinated very effectively while under the sway of this group.
I have written a more detailed account of my experiences in Scientology and my painful process of coming to my senses, and I will try to make it available at ExScn.net (ESMB) should anyone be interested.
I am available for comments or questions by email at jimfaust@cox.net.
Thanks Jim! I read part 1 of your story and it was very very interesting and well written! Have you put out part 2 yet??
Lori, I have uploaded 13 parts of the story on the thread cited above on ESMB
Thank you Jim! I found them on the message board. As someone who has never been a scientolgist, (I’m 100% wog), I find your story amazing and yet sad. I hope you are doing well as you have survived Scientology!!!! Currently I’m reading “counterfeit dreams” by Jeff Hawkins and I love it! I have also read Nancy Manys book and also Jenna Miscaviage-hill’s book. Do I sense a book deal coming your way;)? I sure hope so!!!! And congratulations on being so brave! I’m very happy for you!
Jim, I tried to email you but kept getting that it was an invalid email address. Don’t know why, and sorry.
I wanted to tell you that I met one of your sons and yes, he is a lovely person. I may not have liked what he was doing for the CoS but I could see that he has a good heart and a high affinity for people. He was very kind, is a good listener and treated me respectfully which I appreciated. I could not say the same for his co-workers.
I want you to know that he misses you and hasn’t forgotten you. He told me that he loves his family and misses them. He said that he thinks about them a lot and wishes that he could see them. He did not say anything about Disconnection or give any other details and I did not ask. I could see that he meant what he said and when he left my home, I saw that he was emotional and was holding back tears. I wanted to give him a hug and honestly felt like he could have been one of my own sons. I still remember that moment and it makes me sad. For obvious reasons, I don’t want to say who it was but I think you know.
I’m sorry for your situation, and theirs.
Pepper, write me at jimfaust@cox.net, please. I’ve been getting emails from there steadily. I really want to hear more. Thanks for this.
Pepper, even though I have no personal involvement with what you’re relating I was powerfully moved and encouraged by your report. I feel certain this young man about whom you’re speaking is representative of many others. I am optimistic some big reality shifts are imminent in the church.
It is always a joy for me to hear new people coming out of that destructive cult. Thank you for doing so and bravo!
I agree, but want to emphasize that sorting of people is accelerating all over the world, not just when an authoritarian cult requires people to do so. There are families who love and cherish each other despite differences in point of view regarding Scn, and in such a case forced disconnection is truly a crime.
Amen Jim! When the ONLY reason a mother and child cannot communicate with one another is because of “policy” and they are in absolute tears hugging one another for the last time knowing that that is the case – there is EVIL in the “heart” of he who wrote that policy.
I agree with you. Or he wanted to devalue the bonds that are the most powerful in the world so that those needs could be transferred to being met by the group. Family love gives us all so much. To undermine and devalue that is to destabilize the individual and render him vulnerable.
Sorry to hear your kids are still in. Serves as a reminder that disconnection must come to an end and the work of exposing Scientology is not done.
Dear Jim
i went never up to OT VII. I have never tried it .. better to say I refused it. I did not recognize how I could become an OT with scientology services anyway ..
You did it, tried to do that .. then found out that you run into cognitive dissonance and did quit as you said today here .. good enough, but it is anyway true that you believed to become an OT ..
Sure at one time I bought it hook, line, and sinker.
Hi Jim,
Thanks for sharing your story. I have been out well over 25 years. Your history in the church
rings a bell from the past. It seems to me that after about 1988, when I left, the “handlings” got
tougher.
I look back now with no pain and remember only one thing. In 1972 I was a competent being
with a strong personal “technology” gleaned from education, experience and lessons from life. Hubbard
claimed a better “technology” which made it easier to reach goals. In the end, it turned out that
my own derived personal technology was far superior to his. I have proven this because I am
now in a far better position. Good luck in your new journey. You will be successful now that
you have broken the spell.
GMW
HiPath Of BuddhaGeorgeM. White, A beautiful post.May all break the spell.Always Ann B.
Great to see people feel free enough to make public statements.
Would love to see a public statement from Barry Klein.
Hi Jim, and congratulations. I’m a never-in who just spent some time reading your expanded story on esmb. Your writing is wonderfully incisive. I look forward to anything else you might write. Kudos!
Thanks so much for the kind words on my writing. Writing that was excruciatingly difficult to me, as many of the details had been intentionally repressed by me, the sequences were twisted up, the shame I sometimes felt reflecting on my earlier mindset and actions would drain me, and I started experiencing nightmares again about being recaptured and brought back. I have another section or two to post, beyond the 10 already uploaded. I hope one day to write about the 4 years preceding joining the SO 67-71. There were a few things happening in this country in those years.
You never-ins who follow this story are owed a big debt by all of us. Your interest has really helped turn the tide.
This is a great post Mr. Faust. Just wondering, was there very much on the Internet back then, around 1998? It is very heartening that you found the info you needed to see the light. Will pray your children do also someday. At the rate of the Cult Implosion, that might not be too long.
Mr. Graham, thanks very much. Jon Atack’s book and bent Corydon’s were there. The Armstrong docs were there. Much about Snowwhite, and many revelations about Hubbard from departed staff, lots of people who had worked with him blowing the loud on his brutality and violence and callousness.0, as well as his drinking, drugs, and ill health. ARS and Lermanet were there. There was enough to keep me reading for 3 weeks 12-16 hours a day and if I’d wanted to I could have hung around another couple of weeks. I don’t think I read Bare-faced Messiah, one of the great research jobs and really fair write ups ever, but it was available. And what was there was devastating. My longer write up is around 15 times longer and more detailed if you are curious.
Jim, so glad to hear that another person has freed themselves from the evil, destructive and vicious cult of scientology and is no longer in the thrall of its creator, the criminally insane founder, El Con Hubbard.
JOHN LOCKE, l fine your post to be my favorites.
Thanks Gary. I am glad that the truth can still find an audience in this day and age.
Thank you for posting some of your story here Jim. It’s hard to believe that we all fell for this crap but we did. I am happy that you created a new life for yourself and that you are doing well. Most of us who left the cult and have had some time to “destimulate” are all doing much better than we ever did while we were in the cult. Miscavige will never change. He can’t. He is a sociopath and will never be cured of it. I am glad you and thousands of others have woken up and spoken out about what Scientology is really all about.
And there are thousands more who’ve carried their scars hidden away, silently and often isolated. One day the “out exes” will outnumber all the “ins” in the world, and that day will be time for a celebration.
Glad that you have turned the page.
Flag was such a let down for me also
like many others I thought one takes the Bull by the tail and Faces the situation.
then realized it was a stacked deck in a crooked game.
When I won ( by accident) the staff were very sad, when I failed the staff were very happy.
I found it very painful to face the degree to which I had been deluded and living in a false workd, as Plato describes those viewing shadows reflected on a cave wall and believing that to be the sum total of reality being pained by the light of day when they are finally conducted out of the cave for the first time to glimpse the real world.
Is it Jose, as in a man’s name?
Jim,
Take a quiet moment to read Rudyard Kipling’s poem “IF”
Do some travelling, Asia, India, take time to understand
other people by walking a mile in their shoes.
Read Gunga Din and other great works. Make wishes
and pray where others have become Saints.
Thank you for your generous reply.
I wonder how much Jim spent through those 27 years to get into OT7?
I never kept track and had a lot of my earlier auditing at low early 70s prices or while on RPF, but I figure near $100k, not counting IAS.
It is telling that NOBODY EVER EVER EVER leaves that place a happy camper.
When you are done with people shouldn’t they be happy and raving about you?
Those Ho’s on Hollywood Boulevard send people out the door VGI’s all night long. But not David Miscavige!!!!!!!!!!!
NOBODY EVER LEAVES V.G.I.’S!!!!!!!!!
Thus reply is to the Oracle–no you’re right VGIs did not abound for me or many I knew in the late 90s. I cover in more detail on my longer story on ESMB
Later….I’m off to go s%&k c#@*’s on Hollywood Boulevard where I can at least leave people with a GOOD MEMORY for having crossed my path!
Hi The Oracle.I’m right with you on that old Blvd of broken hearts & dreams.So glad we are out! XO Ann B.
i was on the PAC RPF with Jim in 1978. Welcome out of hell Jim.
Hey, Mike, same to you–glad you made it out too. You had other family in the SO, right? Are they doing well? I’ve been away for many years, and enjoyed being just disconnected from the madness while I built a new life, but I do have to say it’s wonderful being able to talk unmuzzled and to reconnect.
Yes Jim I did have other family heavily in. My mom was a CL XII, who has since passed. My sister is still involved.
Thanks, Mike, for sharing Jim’s story. He called me a few days ago, and I suggested
he tell his story over on esmb, which he has in great detail. IF you want to hear more, I suggest you check out his link there, too. Congratulations, my friend! I’m very proud of you. 🙂
Lots of comments, and I ditto them all (other than the ones from people you knew while you were involved in scn.). THANK YOU for writing your truth … for joining those who’ve done the same. As we grown in number, our strength increases and the wave of “not on my watch” will continue to gather steam. Congratulations on your new life and again, many thanks for speaking out.
Thank you, Robin, I concur with what you said.
Jim and others …
I don’t post on forum.exscn.net but the confusion there with BILL FOSTER/DAVE FOSTER is that Bill Foster came originally from the Boston Org and was MARRIED to Nancy Foster/Many now Prince (if they are married). They did GO ops way back when.
Dave Foster is very much STILL IN THE SEA ORG … begging/regging like a crazy man. God love him. Graduate from Dartmouth College
Married to Harriet Foster who is still in IF she is still alive — I had heard years ago she was ill with heart problems.
Foster Thompkins — someone commented “good looking guy” — indeed he was, was once married to Bitty Miscavige and together they had twins. Sterling and ?? (can’t remember)
Bitty then got together with Ronny Miscavige Jr. and they left the SO and had Jenny who wrote one of THE most heartbreaking SO stories ever (IMHO). Bitty went back in for awhile etc etc etc
Windhorse
Wind horse, I didn’t know Nancy had been married to Bill Foster. My problem is that I’ve got in my head there were two Bill Fosters at USLO, both with mustaches and longish hair, but with the HCO Bill going bald on too, and the rakish and better looking reg and Org Officer Bill having a full head of hair. The second was quite a good reg and used to tour with Alex S, David Light, and Dave Foster. Which of the Bills was Nancy married to?
Now you’ve lost me — Nancy would know though 🙂
Didn’t know there were two Bill Fosters AND a Dave Foster …
🙂
I kNow the ext HCO guy with the glasses and mustache and balding on top WAS Bill Foster. The reg may have been Mohamed something else. I keep thinking it was a also bill Foster, but tho I strained the state of clear I don’t have perfect recall. Haha
Congrats Jim! Sorry abou your children. That too shall pass I think.
I hope many members of the scientology Cult (both inside and outside the Church) read your material and come to their senses and stop promoting the criminal Hubbard, his Cult and its leadership.
Hi John Locke,You know you have my vote 1 billion times.XO Ann B.
I salute you Jim. Well done for speaking out.
Jim Faust extended Scientology story has been unfolding on ESMB for the past days and it’s a compelling read:
My Descent into Fanaticism and the Hard Climb Out
http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?39702-My-Descent-into-FanatIcism-and-the-Hard-Climb-Out&p=1041843&viewfull=1#post1041843 …
Thanks for the link. I was afraid I would miss it!
Yes thanks for posting it.
Thanks for sharing your story with us, Jim. You mentioned your 3 children still in the SO who have disconnected from you. I am so sorry to hear this – yet another family torn apart by the cult. A question if I may: Alex Faust was the CO CMO AFRICA for many years – is he any relation to you? I wish you all the best in future adventures. 🙂
Youngest boy. Last saw him when he was about 14, was a lovely, kind-hearted, friendly child.
Scientology dilutes the hearts of living souls. Those that are impressionable become darkened. Given your position as an enforcer of tech it is appropriate that you publicize your departure.
As a victim, and I say this to all other victims, leave quietly and forge a new path and you will make it out with faith and work.
Derrick I’m afraid turned into an SO thug, may the Lord have mercy upon Brandon who recruited many young kids into a life of slavery. Alex just wanted to be like his brothers, whom in turn wanted to be like you. Your ex-wife made a fortune running a slave labor camp.
Children atone for the sins of their parents.
You must Beg God for forgiveness
Hugs, At least you got out early. I left OTVII & CO$ in 2012
It seems like it took forever, but each of us hit our exit velocity in our own times. I hope your recovery goes well.
This Faust made a deal with a red-headed Mephistopheles that he was able to get out of, but not without the sacrifice of his three sons. It just goes to show that even Goethe can be modernized. But this story isn’t over yet. There’s a chance at a happy ending, which is what this brave man deserves. Thank you for speaking out, Jim. Let’s hope that your sons hear, and that others who justify the teachings of LRH can listen and understand.
Thank you for your gracious words and thoughtful wishes.
Hi Espiando, I just wanted to say I really am with you in terms of your post where you say “and that others who justify the teachings of LRH can listen and understand”.After all these years & still nightmares about the man who headed the GOI attack against me in the SO, I now see that Ron & the SO#1 line were back feeding info from all my letters to each other.I do not know why I never picked up on that before.But it has solidified my belief that Ron & the tech was & is dangerous & there is a black side to it all that he & David know well.I’m still working through this realization but I could never be audited or use the policies or tech again.A small part of me knew I was in danger starting in 1975 in the SO but I was still too KoolAid starry eyed to,perceive what my spirit was signaling to me.It took me to the very edge mentally physically & spiritually until I blew in late spring of 78. Take Care.Ann B.
I say Jim has some lucky kids to have him as their dad. A man who stands for what is right and true and doesn’t buckle down to a giant bully. That’s called having a hero for a dad and in time they’re going to know it. We are entering the Golden Age of Ex-scientology.
Thanks for the kind thoughts. They’re good, kind, and smart boys. I hope one day that the gulf that keeps us apart shrinks till it can be traversed by one step forward, truly!
I don’t know if the denouement of Scn is imminent or will grind out interminably as the idealistic youths that joined with me one by one get their $500 retirement fund and their bus ticket to the homeless shelter or even till the second generation are as old as we now.
There are traps to capture minds all around our society and world. If Scn falls, there will be other thought prisons bidding for the loyalties of those seeking adherence to something. Since it happened so grippingly to me, I understand that the remedy is not as simple as, “don’t believe stupid stuff”. I wish I had more hope of humanity surpassing this particular peril.
“This world is a market place where the cheaters and the cheated conduct their business”.
(nameless zen master)
Thanks for the comment, Jim. I say wisdom is the cure for falling into mind traps because falling into such traps requires character deficits, moral and intellectual. I say that as a formerly brainwashed scientologist who probably would have disconnected from my family had I been ordered to. I don’t want to take a shot at defining “wisdom” but I know if one doesn’t acquire a liberating measure of it they will likely be one of the cheaters or the cheated in the market place of ideas.
Powerful. Concise. Straight from the mind and heart. Thanks for this excellent post. I look forward to reading the rest of your story.
I appreciate your remarks. ESMB “My Descent into Fanaticism and thE Ling Lumb Out” plus limits of ridiculous tomfoolery that is SOOO precious!
Hey Jim. I hear exactly where you are coming from and I grit my teeth with despair about your 3 kids. If there ever was a workable meaning for postulate, let it be the RCS collapses and you are reunited with your children real soon and lots of merriment prevails.
For all our sakes lets hope the demise of organised scientology is swift, complete & terminal. I love you way you organised your beliefs to be tailor made for and based on your personal observations and experience. I too had the church’s crap shoved down my throat for way too long – no more forever but what is mine is mine.
Life goes on and the job of disentangling from the mindset instilled by the RCS continues but it gets easier as time goes on but the betrayals seem to surface every now and again, some in small ways and others huge. Never have I seen or been involved with a more convoluted operating system than that as presented by scientology.
The way I look at it all now is that scientology goes that way and my way doesn’t go there but a few bits and pieces of it I made mine – I like you earned the right to call anything I want mine. We owe scientology nothing, if anything they owe us big time! I’d even go further and say the RCS owes the people of earth a big apology.
Happy trails…
Yawnalot, you were wide awake when you wrote this comment!
Thank you for your very well written story, Jim. I hope you are someday reunited with your children. We’ve managed to get out with our family intact so far.
Can’t say I approve of your LSU hat because I root for another SEC team. 🙂
Hi WhatWall, I understand totally your rooting for another SEC Team.We can all tail gate together but once the game starts all bets are off.Walter my husband is a huge Patriots Fan & U Va fan where he went & ran a deli in Charlottesville for 10 yrs after before I met him.I’m a Saints fan but Walter has come around a little bit & will watch LSU baseball & football when I get too nervous. I’m so happy you got out with your family intact.That is wonderful.Take Care Ann B.
Who Dat?!!
Hi asseenonokra, Dem Saints! Love it ! Take care Ann B.
Well, having been born here and lived here for over 30 years, I’m entitled! Besides, it’s a sentimental hat and I like purple. I’ll forgive rooting for anyone else but Bama….
Bravo Jim for sharing your story.
ThaHis very much. Like your hat.
Hi Jethro Bodine,Thank you for a most interesting post.Ron certainly was paranoid & David learned that lesson very well.Your comment about the personal computer revolution in the hands of ordinary citizens is so true.The power to communicate here saved me. My take is Ron always thought he was so much brighter compared to the rest of us & until I got away from the Kool aid I believed him.I think he made an enormous mistake regarding the Internet. I’m so happy he did. Take Care Ann B.
The way I see it, if your kids have disconnected, the best thing you can do is help destroy the cult, and free them that way.
Thanks for speaking out, Jim.
I believe the cult is evil, though many good people are still being victimized. Many groups beside Scn hold their membership in an information bubble through feeding them lies and appealing their most basic impulses like fear and hatred. I wish Scn were the only mind control group that really worries me.
Off topic, I know: I began reading Tony Ortega’s book last night and did not stop until this morning when I finished. Truly mind-blowing is the best I can describe it. Congrats to another brave former Co $ victim in today’s blog post (more on-topic).
Thank yOu for the congrats. My announcement has been a long time coming. As far as Miss Lovely, I gotta read it, have been so tied up preparing my longer in and out story and dealing with responses. The viciousness of The attacks on her orchestrated by R are literally sickening. How those GO guys could be involved in stuff like that without having their sense of humanity outraged is really a question for me. I did some real dumb and angry stuff while in but the real sick stuff was always kept from regular mid level SO and public like me. When I read about it in 97 the little snippets I knew told me that what I was reading was the truth. And what I found then has been expanded upon so much by the developments and disclosures of the last 18 years. What WAS disclosed in 97 though was enough that I just said’ “I’m out, and I’ll never have anything to do with this kind of evil again.”
Hi Jim. Thanks for putting your story out there. After I had finally made my own decision to leave the church I immediately began searching the internet for any information I could find about scientology. After a few days of this I found myself quite confused. I then decided to focus entirely on stories written by ex-scientologists about their experience in the church and their reasons for leaving. These stories helped change my lingering suspicion that the group I had belonged to are not really who or what they pretend to be into something real that I knew to be true. I’m certain there are many others with one foot out the door who after reading stories like your own will finally step completely across that threshold.
And do find the time to read The Unbreakable Miss Lovely. It provides a very enlightening description of one of the many ways “the most ethical group on the planet” operates.
My best wishes towards your being able to reconnect with your family soon.
To RB : “the most ethical group..” does actually make sense. Because LRH redefined “ethical.”
‘Closing Minds: How Scientology’s “Ethics Technology” is Used to Control Their Members’ by Jefferson Hawkins describes it better than I can.
Only if you let LRH hoodwink you with his redefinition of reality is there some sort of contradiction – after you pick apart the newspeak it all becomes horribly obvious.
One of the traits of cults is “Information Control”. Non-Enturbulation Orders, PTS declares, SP declares, Disconnection, Fair Game and Dead Agenting are some of the tools and techniques that Scientology uses to keep the sheep away from critical information. LRH never envisioned a thing such as the Internet, in spite of his amazing whole track recall and science fiction writer capabilities. What did LRH envision instead? A “big brother” system of micro-management by computer known as “INCOMM”. He even envisioned something referred to as a “Police Computer”, a computer system designed to catch out-ethics and/or subversive staff members. It’s not too hard to believe that the computer system and network that LRH envisioned was a reflection of his own paranoia, and a reflection of his own dreams of an ideal totalitarian planetary control operation. The personal computer revolution of putting the power of the computer into the hands of your ordinary citizen or average joe, combined with an international computer network of information sharing and communication which can’t be owned or controlled, completely thwarts and ultimately destroys any cult or totalitarian organization who depend upon information control.
I fervently concur with everything you said–especially the irony of LRH completely missing how the Internet and PC was going to shred his previously very effective information bubble around the group! Great analysis!
Welcome Jim. I’m delighted to hear you have moved on AND have a whole new “not scientology” life.
I knew you well … once upon a time … the old CC … (from 8th then LA Brea) and your former wife Sherrie — mom of your 3 boys.
I’m guessing they are now somewhere between 35-45 years old.
I have to confess I was less than fond or kind regarding Sherrie as she was my senior and ruled the divs 1, 2, 3 as if we were her personal bank tellers.
The unraveling of “born ins” seems to be incredibly difficult or children raised with “OT parents” always with a “in session” sign on their doors from endless hours of Solo auditing.
I frankly have no idea HOW those “still in,” SO or otherwise are going to get out — but as I posted to someone on yesterday’s blog,
I firmly believe from my own experience that those of us who have left, who have pulled the curtain back and see not just an emperor with no clothes but a mean/nasty/con who created victims because he was a psychopath (thanks Brian for that link)
The “secret” is never giving up and hoping that you will have that 2nd chance to embrace your children/friends/god children/ex-husbands/ex-wives/seniors etc.
As Leonard Cohen eloquently said in his fabulous song “Anthem” —
“There is a crack in everything that’s how the light gets in”
And that crack seems to be love.
So happy for you.
Windhorse
Hi Windhorse, Your post is beautiful.XO Ann B.
PlEase write me at my personal email so we can compare notes from the old CC. You said what you did so eloquently. Are you on ESMB? On my email tell me your name.
I love that, Windhorse! Your post is perfect, thank you so very much. 🙂
Wow, windhorse, this is really moving and powerful. I hope so passionately and fervently that you are right about the second chance for love being possible. Thanks for reaching out, truly.
Hi Jim Faust, Thank you thank you for your post! Somewhere in my head I remember your name.So glad a fellow SO & cos member got out & is free.You posted very eloquently about your children & I hope so much that they will see the light.You also posted so well about what you went through when you decided to look @ the postings & books on what the cos did & has done.Those who have read my posting here know that my husband & I have lived & retired in Baton Rouge LA for 20 yrs now.I have battled through 2 cancers most probably from all the late nights @ Asho F & scrapping asbestos off pipes @ the hotel org now cc & on the Excalibur.During this time one bout just recently I feel in love with LSU football & baseball.We live about 20 min from Tiger Stadium don’t go to the games but watch on TV so I love your hat!Being from Boston.Mass we don’t miss the winters & love the food & people here.However some memories from my SO time will always haunt but Mike & Christie & this blog have & continue to help me so much.A lot of kind sweet brilliant funny spicy opinionated loving spirits here.Welcome.All my very best. Ann B.
Ann, I got your email first! He’ll girl, we’re neighbors and gave to get together. I live 5 min from campus! Please follow my threads at ESMB and stay in touch.
Hi Jim, We will keep in touch & get together for lunch in the fall.Isn’t it great we live so close. What a gift! Always Ann B.
First and foremost, I’m so very sorry your children disconnected from you. Using the word, “Church” in scientology is a blatant scam. This organization is a full blown cult. Disconnection was, and always has been, horrific. But it makes sense that they use it because this is what cults do.
My wish for you is that your kids wake up and come back to you. Although the cults says family is important, that is a lie. A HUGE lie. They are constantly destroying families.
I look forward to reading your story. Thank you so very much for your post.
Thanks so much! Aren’t you on ESMB? My longer story is unfurling there daily and I would love your reactions. It’s so much fun to reconnect!!!!
Yes on what you said “but speaking out and reconnecting with others who experienced what you went through is part of recovery and healing.”
So much fun and essential to be able to ‘let it go’. Good for you Jim. I too hope we all see our kids and family members soon and more for them then us it seems. They are the ones still trapped. 🙁
I think no mater what each of us are going through on our journey out of that trap we are in far better shape now with the experience then never having been there to begin with which was a surprise for me :). Not many can say their mind and soul were raped and they didn’t even know it and managed to dig themselves out of it by their own bootstraps.
We are making it out because that is the natural order of the universe and to now want to speak out and right a wrong is natural as we have compassion for our fellow man.
Thank you for speaking out Jim.
I hope that you’ll accept not only comments or questions to your email, but also originations from old friends! After all, never forget: you are my reincarnated husband of twenty thousand years ago! (As I recall, you were Fizzlewizzle and I was Bumcrums. We had such amazing respect for each other that, when we married, we took each other’s name and hyphenated it. We were, of course, the Fizzlewizzle-Bumcrums, and created such an impact on the whole track that people are still talking about us in Scientology course rooms the world over!)
So, I will be writing you soon at cox.net! Better brush up on your TR-4!
hey Dan, looks like a new family beside you there!
Thank you Jim and I’m very happy for you. We share more than a few similarities in our stories and I really appreciate what you said. I also hope the exact same for your children that you do. Take care.
I’ve seen some of your lists, pepper. Join the thread of my longer story at ESMB and add your account to the mix, won’t you?
Thank you for the write up and many, many more share with you the concepts you detailed.
The may have lots of money, but they sure lack truth and love and these sure are beyond monetary price. Rather have a moment of peace than an eternity of hell.
Thank you Jim.
Really true. Thank you.
Powerful story. Thank you, Jim Faust! Kudos to you and I hope your children will some day waken from the false dream and reconnect with you.
Such a wonderful wish that you bestow–thanks.
Thank you Jim for speaking up. Congratulations on your wake up call!
I’ll send you an email one day soon, thank you for sharing it.
Thanks for your story Jim, good to hear you are doing well. Terrible about your kids, I hate this disconnection crap the most.
I know! It’s one of the most toxic aspects.
I understand, though, the great psychic and emotional distress that occurs in “still-ins” when they confront people who reject the matrix of ideas to which they the dedicated are still held in thrall. So even if they were not forced to disconnect, the cognitive dissonance created by being in close contact with those who have rejected the brainwashing can be excruciatingly painful.
And it’s the power of this “prison of belief” over people, including me for a long time, that horrifies me the most,
Jim, thanks for your post.
It’s difficult beyond measure to let go of something you’ve invested so much time and money in, even after having had the kind of brutal awakening (dare I call it a “severe reality adjustment”) that must have hit you after reading all the available facts on the Internet. Thus, I salute you for your courage in jumping into the unknown. Even though you probably knew intellectually that taking the leap of faith to get away from the cult would make you happier, that’s not always sufficient to overrule the other parts of you that instinctively want to cling to the familiar as a way of surviving, no matter how painful the familiar may be.
While the defection of marquee names like Mike Rinder, Marty Rathbun and Debbie Cook from Scientology makes headlines and inspires many to act, it is the growing portfolio of “regular folks” who leave that is ever harder for Scientology to explain away in its desperate attempts to keep its shrinking member base loyal. You simply can’t explain away thousands of people with the same basic story: once they saw the vast gulf between what they were spoon-fed by Scientology versus the real verifiable evidence on the outside, they couldn’t stay in, no matter what it cost them.
Best wishes as you continue to build a new, deeper and more satisfying life outside the cult.
Well said, truly, and much appreciated! I have little to add to what you said so eloquently.
Jim, are your kids Brendan, Alex and Eric? Last I knew Brendan was CO CMO AF and Eric was CO CMO LATAM. Alex of course is a recruiter at Bridge and is famous for his ability to recruit the young kids.
Hello, Mera, do you remember me from PAC? I’d love to chat, talk, correspond. You and I did not talk so much but I thought it was always friendly, and I liked all the Danielzez (Hooked on Phonics!) I ever met.
Mera, Brandon was the recruiter (now staff chaplain) renowned for recruiting kids. Derek was CO CMO LATAM and as far as I know still is. Alex was CoO CMO AF, but as I understand was busted recently over a huge flap in that country that I believe Mike has reported here. Yes, I am the disgraced (from their POV) patriarch of that illustrious Scn family.
Hello Mera,
Is this really you posting or has someone hacked your name? If so, congratulations, really glad to see you, Adam and the kids are moving away from the church. Best to you!
Thank you Jim. Your story is valuable to those on the fence. We need more “OTs” to step up and share their experiences.
Thank you Mike. You were born into it. I truly respect you. Thank you so much for this site. Many are being helped.
Namaste,
Brian
Message to Dave,
Somewhere in you Dave, all of these revelations about Ron and the stories people are communicating, are causing a tiny glimmer in your mind. But you force it out of your head.
There is a battle going on in you now. You are trying to suppress all of the things people are sharing about Ron and the OT levels.
Dave, you were there when the Old Man was going looney at the end. You saw his condition. It was repulsive and ugly. Not a fitting example for “mankind’s only hope.” So………………………
You concocted a story with those close to Ron that he consciously left his body to work on greater and more honorable purposes: research.
Yet, the truth is that Ron was howling at BTs, finger nails long and dirty, scraggly long disheveled hair, and spewing obscenities with spittle spraying.
I am convinced you knew Ron was lost and not free.
But, you still believed in him. You loved him. And you still believed in the tech.
You must understand Dave, we All, we All, we All now know what you know.
Ron was Type 3 at the end of his life.
But you had a great task ahead of you. You needed to create an image of Ron that was inspiring to Scientologists and the world. The truth of Ron could never be found out.
And thus, Jerry Armstrong had to be destroyed.
Dave, the Internet is what brought this all to a head. We all now know the truth.
Ron was not free. He was not even sane at the end.
And now here you are. Stuck with a legacy of lies, with the broken hearts of families stuck to you like a cluster of BTs.
Dave, Ron was not the person you thought he was. You dedicated your life to him. You sacrificed your life to him.
Dave, you dedicated your life to a man who suffered deeply from psychological problems.
His creative genius cast a deceiving cloak round our perception of him.
Dave, you need to look at your early life with Ron.
You really need to. In those early years is the inception, the spawning grounds, for what you are experiencing now.
Dave, you believed that this man is the “only way” the “only hope” just like the rest of us. You were duped.
But your situation is a bit different then ours.
You need to keep the lie going because you have become attached and addicted to your identity as head of the church.
And that means money, lots of money and lots of ownership of MEST.
So one part of you, the part you do not want to acknowledge, knows the truth about the Ole Man.
The other part wants to crush anyone who seeks the truth about the Ole Man so you can maintain your lifestyle.
But I would suggest to you that you are in the same gold guilded prison that Ron was in.
The lifestyle that you are trying to protect is actually causing you incredible stress and body reactions. You are going through all of this because you are fighting to protect a lie. A lie we All know about.
Dave, you can thank Ron, for developing in you the dangerous doctrine of harming others to protect Ron.
In so doing, you are destroying yourself.
You cannot set attack dogs on us anymore without it going viral and the world simply hating your guts more and more.
Bolivar, The Family Man is a GE and The Fair Fame doctrine is basic basic on your condition.
You followed Ron with all your heart, and now you are perceived as a societal pariah by all the world.
If you want to continue suffering the way to do it is by manufacturing in your head that all the world is an SP.
THAT IS WHAT RON THOUGHT. AND THAT DELUSIONAL REALITY PUT HIM IN A CONDITION OF NEEDING PSYCHIATRIC DRUGS PUMPED INTO HOS BUTT AT THE END OF HIS LIFE.
Is that what you want?
That end in Ron’s life was a direct result of all of the theta lines that were cut in his name.
You cannot, I repeat, you cannot cut all of these family theta lines without some hefty repercussions.
Ron was the savior of all mankind or he was just a dude who tried to free himself from his own suffering and got lost in the search.
All you have to do is remember the condition of the man at the end of his life to know the answer.
Come to grips with it Dave. It’s not worth the craziness.
Ron was not the person you thought he was.
I hope you can receive my communication in the spirit in which it is intended.
Be well Dave
Brian.
Hey, Brian, you make a strong case for your positions regarding Dave and LRH, very well-reasoned and passionate. I’ll go as far as to say that your arguments are persuasive and I will reconsider my concept that some people are just toxic assholes.
But I know I sometimes acted in ways that shame me today in an effort to apply Ron’s policy, so your analysis of Dave being really impacted by observing Ron’s behavior might have some merit.
Brian, your post are inspired.
Brian, by my reckoning, remembering the huge numbers of staff and public around before the missions were destroyed, there are tens of thousands who are out. About 2600 are on the Big Lust, so many are out there, like I was for years, quietly lurking. To them I say: being out gives you freedom from new wounds being inflicted daily, but speaking out and reconnecting with others who experienced what you went through is part of recovery and healing.
Brian, you characterize both Dave and LRH more charitably than I do. I think Ron was evil and crazy WAY earlier than the end. I think Dave has more agency than being Hubbard’s victim. But I hope you are right about him.
Hey Jim,
If you are familiar with my Ron take you’d see I am more in your camp regarding him.
I do see Ron as a metaphysical evil in many cases.
Yet, my spiritual practice is also to see the good as well.
It keeps me elevated energetically to see all sides in this world of binary thinking and duality.
Regarding DM, I believe that his predisposition for violence was nurtured by Ron.
No doubt that we are all responsible the person we become. And ultimately the buck stops with us.
On the other hand there is wisdom in understanding the sequence of events that imprint our minds and thus fashion a personality.
It was the young age of Dave being influenced by an older man, who Dave considered god like, that I believe has a causal relation for Dave’s personality.
His natural rage issues were actually nurtured by evil doctrines.
It took me many years of my spiritual practice to be able to cognize evil people as souls who are simply sick.
Don’t get me wrong, I am no door mat. I will use whatever force necessary to protect innocence from selfish tyrants.
DM is going down no doubt. But for some reason lately I’ve been thinking about him with the eyes of compassion. Not a wimpy compassion but a compassion based on what I know about life and sentient beings. It takes great powers of focus and concentration to pierce the veil of darkness that we souls cloak ourselves in.
The evil one’s, those that take pleasure in causing harm are the toughest to penetrate.
Yet, beneath the cloak of evil is still a Transcendent Good untouched by the world of relativity.
Look what Gandhi, Martin Luther King and Christ accomplished.
It is true, the real power and force in the universe is love.
But love is not ignorant to evil’s potential to cause harm.
But love is a force, a divine force, that has the capacity to neutralize the effect of evil.
Just because the evil does not change from love, does not mean that we stop radiating it like a mega watt radio station.
This world needs it desperately.
And L Ron Hubbard was not s contribution to this approach.
He actually said,”love and understanding is a Marcab conspiracy.”
Ron is source of much madness.
Yet even him. Somewhere within him, is goodness.
That is because nothing is absolute in the world of the relative.
God, the absolute singularity, the unified field of all things within and without is love itself. We are that essentially. The rest is mind and ego.
It’s easy to hate Dave. It’s harder to see what is behind the bars of his personal prison which he thinks he is.
But that does not mean that o would not want to see justice served for the good of all.
We can love and not be wimpy idiots.
Our enemy is our greatest teacher: Lord Buddha
Thanks for posting this Jim. Congratulations on making it out and creating a new life for yourself.
It’s a process I’m still working on but will never regret getting OUT.
“I have been much more successful, calm, and happier as a result.” 🙂 Very nice.
It’s a process I find, and going public and connecting up is a part of it for me.
I hope you have written a neverending barrage of letters to your representative and all other politicians explaining how your family was kidnapped and demanding the IRS exemption be withdrawn.
Just one (1) disconnected family member testifying at a Congressional hearing would make all the difference in the world.
HI Jim, Thanks for posting a great coming out story on Mike’s. These stories really to make a difference as two UTR’s have told me. They do influence getting people to Look and then leave. So Bravo on posting yours. And when you post more about it on ESMB, put a link here so we can go there to read more. I applaud your integrity to leave despite losing 3 kids in the process due to disconnection. My wish is that your kids come to their senses and connect up with you sooner rather than later. VVVWD on making a new life for yourself and for flourishing and prospering.
RePly to Cindy. The link is here in the comments. It’s a thread with 13 parts of the storyline