I had not seen this before, but it is very sage advice from Mel Robbins who is described on Wikipedia as: an American podcast host, author, motivational speaker, and former lawyer. She is known for her TEDx talk, “How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over”; and her books, The 5 Second Rule and The High 5 Habit, as well as host of The Mel Robbins Podcast.
I find it to be incredibly valuable advice.
Are you familiar with the “Let Them” theory?
I’ll tell you the more I grow the more I am okay with accepting the “Let Them” in my own life and relationships. Even family can mistreat and disrespect you.
This is something that took me a very long time to learn. I used to tolerate a lot because I didn’t want to lose people. I learned the hard way if they were really my people they would never treat me like that. Don’t make the mistake of being so understanding and forgiving that you overlook the fact that you’re being repeatedly disrespected.
Let them be upset.
Let them judge you.
Let them misunderstand you.
Let them gossip about you,
Let them ignore you.
Let them be “right.”
Let them doubt you.
Let them not like you.
Let them not speak to you.
Let them run your name in the ground.
Let them make you out to be the villain.
Whatever it is that people want to say about you, let them!
Kindly step aside and LET THEM.
The hard truth is they know how much they are hurting you. They just simply don’t care. They did it knowing it could cause them to lose you. They did it anyway. People that love you care about how they make you feel.
The end.
Let them go.
There will be people that would rather lose you than be honest about what they’ve done to you. Let them go.
The lack of respect was the closure. The lack of apology was the closure. The lack of care was the closure. The lack of acountability was the closure. The lack of honesty was the closure. Let them go.
Make the decision to no longer sit at tables where you might be the topic when you get up. Let them go.
You can still be kind. You can even still love them deeply. But do it from the distance they created in their words and actions. Access to you is a privilege they have proven they can’t be trusted with. Let them go.
You don’t need to tell your side of the story. God already knows. Let God fight the battle for you. Let them go.
It’s taken me a long time to get here. Sleepless nights, countless tears, managing a range of emotions filled with anger, disappointment, confusion and deep hurt. Lots of self reflection, self preservation, deep prayer and seeking wisdom from those much wiser than me.
If you are struggling with this please know you are not alone. We will never understand why hurt people hurt people. But we can do the hard work to grow ourselves. Because healed people do in fact heal people.
Don’t you dare let them steal your joy.
Don’t you dare let them steal your light.
Don’t you dare let them steal your peace.
You are in control of that.
Hold tight to what you can control and release your grip on what you can’t control.
Let them go.
🫶🏻
Thank you Mike. Great advice. It is almost as if you have to reinvent yourself if your network of trust with siblings and family has been broken. I love this writing and actually can relate to it as to what my journey has been.
Thank you. We cannot control the deeds and intent of others. Some people do not bring joy into our lives. Sage words indeed.
One time an old little grandmother said to me: “Let them do”
It sounds like good advice…but this kind of silky self-help can be used by anyone as a thought stopper, to dismiss legitimate criticism and confirm victimhood biases. Isn’t this just a more poetic form of disconnection or am I missing something? I sometimes think people are far too quick to shun, block or cancel people these days. It doesn’t bode well for societal cohesion.
People operate on different “frequencies” for lack of a better term. You hope for some degree of harmonious alignment with others, but sometimes the disparity is just too damn great. Perhaps expectation is a better word. Maybe all conflicts can be reduced to differing expectations. A good first step would be to examine why that is and whether alignment is possible, either through communication/understanding or mutual behaviour modification. Or both.
But then, some people are just cnts. 😜 I’m always worried that it’s me. Maybe that’s a remnant of scientology but even so. That kind of thinking can be humbling. As long as its not exploited.
Yes. I have realized so much of the truth of this for me, especially if the person(s) I care about don’t want to engage and/or listen.
This is great advice. Especially for people who are longing to move on but others keeping them in the place where whey are at.
Arriving at point is true freedom derived from respect an care fore yourself. At that point disrespect is no longer tolerated. And the quality of the people around you increases exponentially. Thank you Mike.
This came at a really opportune time.
It is time for me to relax and let them go.
I’ll still talk to them when we all meet up and I’ll be my nice self, but I won’t look to them to fill my bucket of love.
I have supportive people who have chosen me and I them, for talks, hikes, shared meals and hugs. We can fill each other’s buckets of love.
We can stop beating ourselves up because someone we love can’t stop themselves from burning us with their pain.
Aw Mike. So good, so very good. Thank you. It has the flavor of a poem by Thich Nhat Hanh. In the West, the title of the poem is Promise me. You can find the whole text of it here: https://search.app/WBt1PwxuKzfgoU4Q7 Happy belated birthday, old friend. Kate
That is wonderful Kate. Thank you for taking the time to make us aware of this poem. It is profound and deeply beautiful.
Simply Beautiful. Thanks for posting the link.
Thanks for sharing this Mike. It brings a lot of good points up. In my experience I did let people go an with what they said about me as I ignored it. I realized that there are people who will see the truth and stand with you which makes it easier to ignore. Even if it’s hard alot of the times the people hurting you or lying about you will get exactly what they want if you tell your side. They all want a response of some sort. Letting them ramble on and on about somthing will get them in a dumpster fire and will reveal what they are doing.
Unfortunately, if we LET people who lie about us get away with it, the lies spread and the more they spread, the more they’re believed. While you don’t have to get emotionally involved in setting the record straight, I think it important to objectively present the truth; not your truth but THE truth so that objectivity can be reintroduced into the smear. Some politicians paint their opposition in a bad light to smear them and discourage voters from voting for them. It’s effective to the naive and uneducated, but dishonest because REALITY is different from what the politician(s) wants to achieve. There IS such a thing as standing up for what’s right and that’s where ‘let me’ doesn’t cover all the bases. We honor ourselves with truth. We dishonor ourselves and others with lies. If we allow lies to spread we’ve relinquished what it is that’s good. Battles aren’t won by armies giving in. If you want truth badly enough, you have to speak up. Self-respect is made…you relinquish it and you become the lie.
Thanks for sharing this, Mike.
Wise words. Thanks for sharing them😊
I really like this. Wise words that are meaningful in many ways and can describe many different situations that are going on currently weather it be public or private those words are helpful.
❤️ Beautifully and wisely said Thanks for posting this.
Brilliant
This seems to be a sort of voluntary Disconnection where only you make the rules for maintaining or refusing contact, not some authority who tries to be above you.
I think few of us let ourselves stick around toxic people or situations if we wake up and see how toxic they really are. Voluntarily limiting or stopping contact with toxic family is the hardest, I think, and it probably should be a difficult choice.
For me it was hard to wake up and see the truth of who was harming me and my family – because it was my own siblings doing it, and they were experts at excusing their own behavior. It’s been ten years since I cut loose from the three of them, and life has been so much better without a storm of drama swirling around trying to drag me and mine into some mess or another.
Hi Mike,
This is very valuable advice in many respects; not only for helping in the here and now to move forward, but for also validating having letting people go in the past. I now know it was okay to do so and don’t have to feel guilty for saving myself. I did the right thing. Thanks for sharing.
I understand the pain, but to me, too strident and too close to ‘disconnection’.
The line below, though, is in my opinion very good. However, it is also a summary of a too often used excuse (mother was distant or some other excuse, so I am a now a manipulative and/or violent psychopath, etc.)
never understand why hurt people hurt people.
A little self-control certainly helps.
Only certain types take out their perceived and, with such types often imagined, hurts on others.