Miscavige’s Soggy Word Salad

Alex Barnes-Ross managed to get a recording of David Miscavige at the recent March 13 event:

There is also a transcript at Tony Ortega’s substack if you don’t want to torture yourself listening to the drone.

I did a post about the empty hype of this event: March 13 Smoke & Mirrors. Stefani Hutchison already debunked one of the big lies in the event (Another “Award” Bites the Dust). The lies are fast and furious but I am not going to delve into more of them here.

Now that we have full transcript, I wanted to highlight some of the most ridiculous drivel that the COB spewed forth, verbiage that you would imagine could form the basis for a Monty Python skit, a Lewis Carroll jabberwocky poem or a performance of Professor Stanley Unwin.

I coined this speech style Shermanspeak — it was originally created by Miscavige’s speechwriter Dan Sherman. Since the Sherminator passed away, Miscavige has continued the tortured style, but its becoming even more incomprehensible.

Here are just a few examples:

And never was it more appropriate than now and tonight, in the wake of a year when that word expansion has now become synonymous with eternity and where the wellspring of eternity itself is source. So, although it’s been said before, let it be said once more, if beings can be anywhere then LRH is everywhere and all you have to do is look at what’s immortal.

 

Wherefore comes another touch of LRH magic for all to follow in his footsteps.

 

His technology for drug rehabilitation is another saga of planetary scope fueling a delivery system double anything on global treatment grids…

 

… his technology for kindness and morality now cascading out in virtually every language of Earth and that’s how the river becomes the sea as better than 140 million booklets flow into the ocean of humanity and so inspiring a United Nations tribute for restoring decency, honor, and self-respect.

 

An avalanche of gifts to light the afterburners on perpetual expansion.

 

But why understate it, truth is you can mark tonight as a watershed milestone from which we will never look back. Moreover it’s a milestone with exponential ramifications.

 

Moreover, for the old timers among us I invite you to speak to some newcomers those who have entered Scientology since the Golden Age of Knowledge. Yes, they will be confused, but what they’ll be confused about is this: Why you were ever confused.

 

… showing no respect for MEST universe rules when Scientology comes to open her doors, Chicago welcomes her with the pure magic of an unprecedented 70 degree March afternoon on the very day when Chi-Town became known as “I-Town” as in ideal.

Which is to say if we all want to have the universe back in native state and impervious to the traps of yesteryear, it all depends on speed of expansion.

 

Paris – after promising it would open before now, he turns the failure and eradication of an org into a new opportunity for empty hype

And with that, the time has come to look to the future, beginning with a proverbial cherry to crown this year’s LRH Birthday Cake. Because with all the gifts we have bestowed tonight, there is still one present we haven’t unwrapped yet. So if you thought I missed it, well, I assure you I did not. On the contrary, this is a gift so grand it required commensurately grand preparation to unwrap it. To start, this new ideal org combines two existing organizations. One a Class 5 organization, the other a Celebrity Center. And in combination will become a mega ideal organization. And if you haven’t guessed it by now, well, c’est la vie because this will be the Church of Scientology and Celebrity Center Paris.

Yes, I know, anticipation has long since reached a fever pitch. But don’t forget we are building a masterpiece. And you don’t tell Michelangelo to just use a bigger brush and wrap it up. In other words, we weren’t about to cut corners at the 11th hour.

Apparently Miscavige was a no-show at this incredibly magnificent grand gift of a mega church….

 

Then the wrap: Miscavige on the “ever expanding future”

And with that we near the close of tonight and a few words before we enter our ever expanding future. But before all that I have a gift for you. Indeed it is a gift in honor of LRH, a gift for all you do in helping make his dreams come true and is so dramatically manifested in all that has been shown tonight.

 

And the second wrap:

And with that let’s take a final moment to behold what lies ahead. 

If tonight we celebrate a gold age across every forward advance of Scientology, you are now experiencing what you could call a golden age of being a Scientologist and of winning universal freedom.

All of which is to say, with freedom comes great responsibility. So here’s tonight’s timeless proposition for thinking big and thinking in futures. In light of everything you are already doing to help power our movement ever forward, what I’d love to see each and every one of you on the front lines using LRH’s betterment programs to the hilt, most definitely.

But regardless of how you choose to wield your freedom, remember there has never been more in place for you to give LRH the ultimate gift. His technology extended to others as an invitation to their own immortality. So, do take advantage. Do step up and take on your next role of responsibility. And do take your own next step.

 

Unsuccessfully trying to turn a pig’s ear into a silk purse for nearly 3 hours. How utterly exhausting.