I have known Andy Porter for many, many years. I had not heard from him in some time.
He was somewhat of a legend due to his work opening Russia and many of its former satellites to scientology. Andy spent many years defining the term “pioneer.” He was an unsung hero who did a lot of the REAL work behind the scenes that ended up being glorified in IAS Freedom Medal winner videos and other event presentations.
Andy now hails from the northwestern corner of Washington State where he lives with his wife and son. He is an accomplished landscape photographer focused on capturing the beauty and majesty of the North Cascades. He sells fine art prints, teaches photo classes and gives photo tours. You can see more about Andy and his images here: www.AndyPorterImages.com
In 2015 I published an article here that recounted some of his history and included some of his photos. This is a new article he just sent to me. At the end are a number of his images as a special treat.
Scientology and Cancer
I’ve always been afraid of my own emotions, scared of what would happen if I just let go. Some fear seems to holds me back from emoting with full force…
But today I am trying to be in the moment and just let ‘er rip.
Yesterday I’d visited the hospital: After 10 months of testing, chemo and radiation treatments, my CAT scan came back negative: No sign of cancer.
I am standing atop Steptoe Butte in eastern Washington State. A late spring storm just moved through, engulfing the Butte. The dark curtain of rain passed, the sun is starting to find a way through the clouds.
Rainbows appear. First one, then several.
The visual image is astonishing: bright rainbows painted over green rolling fields.
I can’t believe my good fortune and excitedly spring out from under the bushes where I’d been huddled with my camera. An orgy of picture taking consumes me.
After some time the rainbows fade and the sun starts to set. There is a warm breeze, and I just stand there, feeling as good as I’ve ever felt. The long months of nausea, pain, suffering and despair are gone.
Unbelievably it has passed and I am still here.
My cancer story started in July 2020 with the discovery of a lump in my neck and soon a diagnosis of advanced throat cancer. The cancer had started at the base of my tongue and spread to the lymph nodes in my neck. I had 4 tumors, the largest as big as an egg.
My Mom, Phyllis Jean Randall Porter, died from breast cancer when I was 16. She endured many months of chemo and multiple surgeries. While she lay on the couch in the living room, immobilized by pain I remember that she started to give me cooking lessons. Watching her go through the process was the worst thing I could imagine.
It appeared that I would follow the same footsteps. My son, Max, had just turned 16 when I found the lumps.
Things were not looking good.
My Scientology story began in 1980, in Bellevue Washington. From 1981 until 1995 I was a staff member for the Church, I became the director of the Scientology Mission in Bellevue and soon after the Church of Scientology, Seattle Org. From 1995 until 2000 I traveled the world helping to spread Scientology, visiting Russia, India, Burkina Faso, Japan, the Philippines, Fiji, Costa Rica and Kazakhstan as well as France and Denmark.
The main center of Scientology (they call it the Mecca of Scientology) is located in Clearwater Florida. In early 2000 I was there to start the highest levels of the Scientology Bridge to Total Freedom. But things did not go as planned. The process they put me through ripped me to pieces. I escaped somehow, shaken to the core. You can read the details of that last adventure here.
In April of 2011 I was declared to be a Suppressive Person and expelled from the Church of Scientology. Expulsion is the Church of Scientology way of handling problems. If anyone complains, expel them and tell the others they are NEVER allowed to speak to that person ever again. This is how they stop the spread of bad ideas.
I’m not joking. The practice is called Disconnection.
IF you are in Scientology and let’s say your friend gets “Declared a Suppressive Person”. The people at the local Church will call you in and sit you down and tell you that you must completely disconnect from your friend if you want to continue in Scientology. Same if it’s your brother or sister. Or even your own children. You’re expected to disconnect fully and forever if the person was declared to be suppressive.
What will get you expelled? In many cases the only thing the person did was to want to leave. IF you are a Scientology Staff Member in the Sea Org (You sign a Billion Year Contract to work there) and want to leave, just that alone can get you declared a Suppressive Person. Speaking out against any abuses, disagreement with church policy, the list of the things that can get you declared a Suppressive Person is a long one!
IF an entire family is involved in Scientology and let’s says one of the children joins Scientology staff and then blows or quits. The entire family is now expected to disconnect from their son – daughter – mother or father. Whoever got cast out, no more Christmas with them…ever.
NOTE: IF you know little of the Church of Scientology I suggest watching some episodes of the A&E Documentary “Scientology and the Aftermath”. The very first episode chronicles the gut wrenching story of a mother and her daughter separated by Scientology and finally reunited.
What I did to get declared a suppressive person was to publicly state that the Policy of Disconnection was insanely wrong and that whoever was running the show had lost their way and that major reform was needed. Because I was somewhat known in the Scientology community, my speaking out was deemed a threat (a cancer!) and I was quickly cut out and expelled.
When I began treatments my cancer doctors made sure to apprise me of what lay in store, what level of pain and suffering I could expect from the treatments. In my mind I somehow imagined it wouldn’t be so bad for me, that by some miracle I wouldn’t experience any of that …
I started with chemotherapy. I got an IV port placed in my arm. It stays in you for 4 months. You stay there all day in the Cancer Center, first they fill you with fluid. When they get out the actual chemo stuff, the real shit, they gown up, use masks and gloves to even touch the pouch the stuff is in. Then there are all the meds that you need to counteract the bad side effects of the chemo stuff.
After the first 2 days, nothing really. I am thinking, hey, this is not too bad! Then it hits…first nausea, intense waves of emotion, depression and despair follow. My first treatment was on Monday. On Friday I was in the ER begging for help.
I feel like I’m burning. Burning on a cellular level, on a spiritual level. Not my skin, but from the inside. I’m agitated, amped up, pulse racing. Obsessive compulsive manic depressive. My mind slogs through the gutter of the past. Each shitty thing I did. This lasts for about a week.
And then somehow, slowly it faded. Its three weeks between treatments. I was sure the next time wouldn’t be so bad.
I can barely make my body sit through the second chemo treatment. As the day goes on I am getting more agitated and start feeling a stabbing pain in my side… it grows until I can’t stand it. I think maybe I’m imagining the pain… soon I’m wheeled over to the main hospital and given a cat scan. I am passing a kidney stone, while getting chemo.
Every night the darkest moments of my life, every single moment where I’d been an asshole, ever, in my entire life, went before me, in slow motion. I couldn’t stop it. The more I resisted the slower and more grinding the memory replay became. Over and over. Times I had misused people.
Many of the moments that make me cringe and squirm the most in my cancer riddled skin were ones when I was in Scientology. I think of the hundreds of people I recruited to work for the Church, and how their lives were fucked up from it. I recall in detail the moments when I treated people like an asshole to get the stats up or stay out of trouble.
One of the tenets of Scientology is that you are totally responsible for whatever condition you are in. This idea resonated with me when I first heard it. It seemed a cool way to deal with shit in your life.
Don’t blame your problems on nobody else. Don’t be a victim. What happened TO you is not important.
It’s what YOU did that matters.
What happened TO you was just a “Motivator”, any bad thing that comes your way is something you pulled in, YOU created this bad thing that happened to you, it’s all YOUR fault if something bad happens to you, because you must have “pulled it in” with all your bad deeds.
Just like anything, there is some truth, some workable truth mixed in with the bullshit.
In Scientology it always YOUR fault. They are NEVER wrong! No one in Scientology ever apologizes for ANYTHING.
Any and all complaints anyone could ever have about Scientology, for any reason, are due to that persons evil crimes. Whatever bad thing happened to you in Scientology…YOU pulled it in!
So I’m there, in the dark looking at all the horrible things I’ve done, and then it occurred to me, gee, looks like you really got fucked over by that scientology shit… and it finally hit me, god, I’ve never been more manipulated in my whole life.
The idea that all the bad shit they did to me was somehow my “responsibility” finally went away.
If you ever leave Scientology, you’ll die of cancer.
I encountered this idea many times while in Scientology. It is hammered in on people, stamped in. Mind control at its greatest.
The Church of Scientology thinks of itself as the ONLY group that can actually help mankind. The ONLY group. So, if you don’t want to be in the only group that can help mankind, what does that make you????
A suppressive little dog turd!
IF you leave Scientology you will most definitely come to a very bad ending. You’ll pull in a disease, get addicted to drugs, become homeless, get arrested, become a child molester. You’ll die of cancer.
Due to the type of cancer I have the treatment included both Chemo and Radiation. After the 2 chemo sessions I started a new regime: Radiation treatment every day and Chemo once a week.
My taste was the first thing to get wonky. It was like I had 3 teaspoons of salt in my mouth all the time. Anything I tried to eat tasted like it had been smothered with salt. I vomited often. If you want to know how bad it really was, I couldn’t drink coffee! Ugh!
The effects of the radiation therapy are cumulative. The last two months of treatment are still obscured. Eating was impossible. I lost about 40 pounds. I had unlimited drugs. Morphine helped me drink water. If I took a double dose I could down a protein shake.
Drugs, pain, sleeplessness, nausea, loneliness, depression and isolation.
When I got into Scientology all I wanted to do was to become a better person and help create a better world. That’s what I’m guilty of.
The culture of Scientology, how staff members treat each other, that’s the bottom line of what the Church of Scientology REALLY is. And it’s a complete brutal night mare. Ruthless and unreasonable, these are the desired traits.
When I ran the Mission in Bellevue we turned in our statistics to the office in LA every Thursday. On Friday, if the stats were down, I was often ordered to fly to LA to get “handled”
The handling consisted of me sitting in an office and writing down any bad things I had done recently. Then I was given an e-meter check to see if I told the truth. After that I was sent to do the “Lower Conditions”
I have “done” the lower conditions a hundred times or more while on staff in the church. It was assigned as some sort of punishment and the process involved realizing that I was a scumbag, the Church of Scientology was the ONLY true group and ended with my asking forgiveness and begging to be let back into the group.
Because your stats are down, you’ve failed. You are in fact, an enemy. And we now have written proof, with all the bad shit you just wrote down… so here is the Enemy Formula, go sit somewhere and do it.
The Formula for the Condition of Enemy – Find out who you really are
The idea was that you would realize that all of your bad, lazy actions were not really YOU. That it was NOT truly in your nature to do such bad shit, and that you, the TRUE you, are a hardworking, and dedicated (ruthless and unreasonable) Scientologist who would stop at NOTHING to help clear the planet.
Of course this is just more insane cult mind control. But I have given it some thought, Who am I, really?
And I am not sure who I really am. I am still trying to answer that.
But I am very sure about who I am not.
With all the energy I can possibly muster I utterly reject all of it.
I am not a person who gains someone’s trust, betrays them and then tries to convince them that it was their own fault.
The Church of Scientology isn’t building a better world; all they’ve built is a prison camp.
I didn’t make any heroic decision, to live or survive. I honestly don’t know how I made it through. I don’t know if I should feel guilty for making it…why me? I’m just here, somehow.
I survived and cancer burned the last vestige (I hope!) of the insanity of Scientology out of me.
And for that I am eternally grateful.
Andy Porter
Washington State is my home. Here are 4 recent images from my travels.
Panther Creek Falls, Columbia Gorge
Lime Kiln Light House, San Juan Island
Sunset from Steptoe Butte, The Palouse
Star Trails over the Methow Valley, North Cascades
Paper, Canvas and Aluminum Prints are available from my website: AndyPorterImages.com
Dear Andy,
I am happy you survived your depression and cancer. I have always admired you for your rationality, for your courage to help break open Russia for Scientology and for your courage to speak your mind about Scientology Management.
My only disagreement is: Those who would “Bring down Scientology”, also bury LRH’s epic discoveries of the Reactive Mind and that Man is a Spiritual Being, trapped by energies and hypnotic commands from long ago. At least Scientology Management is keeping that knowledge available.
All of us who have studied Scientology for so many years, know there is so much truth in LRH’s writings and lectures.
My 40 years in Scientology was worth all the money I donated; worth all the endless hours of work while I was on Org Staff; worth all the insults and wrong indications; and worth all the stupid things I did or said while an Active Scientologist – for the certainty that I am a spiritual being.
So – pursue what is true for you and let others choose their own path.
Your friend,
Steve Simon
Hello Steve
My Name is Johnny Walker Andy And I are friends!!! I am hoping to reconnect with him. the last time I remember seeeing him was as he was perparing to leave to Russia.
I wonder how John Travolta processes the fact that cancer took his soul mate Kelly, even though she was a high OT and a very dedicated Scientologist as was he and his family. Shouldn’t she have been able to cure herself? Or does John really believe that she brought this on herself, she pulled it in?
Andy,
Your story is truly amazing. You have endured so many challenges both in & out of that nasty cult. You have been enlightened to the truth.
You are a fabulous photographer. Through your photos and words, my perception of your journey comes from my Christian belief. I ask that you hear me out and know that I am in NO WAY trying to change whatever you believe.
I believe God was using your very dark journey to show you the horrible truth of the cult of scientology, taking you to the point where you accepted the truth about yourself relative to what they did to you, and that you are not that person, then & now.
Your verbal imagery and photograph of Butte are very poignant. After the flood, God made an oath that He would never again flood the earth. Rainbows are the symbol God has made to remind Himself of the oath. I believe they were also to show you that you were beginning something new, whatever that may be.
I am NOT AN EVANGELIST. Everyone has the right to their own beliefs without judgment.
Bless your sweet heart Andy.
Wishing you many many more years of being truly clear and more searching for all the beauty that’s out there.
Beautiful photos and thank you for sharing your story.
Beautiful photos. They are so all-encompassing of aliveness. True artistry.
Your story of conquering cancer and scientology put me into your position and way of dealing with these issues. Your success exceeds anything that I could do. Hooray to you.
“You have faced your fears, let it flow through you, and when it has passed, only you remain.” (Dune: Litany on Fear)
Wow Jim…Thanks!
You can replace the word fear with suffering. Then it makes more sense for me.
Andy
Happy to fix it. Here is the full Litany using suffering instead of fear:
” I must not suffer. Suffering is the mind killer. Suffering is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my suffering . I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the suffering has gone, there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
Hello Leah and Mike, can you explain in one podcast episode the way Scientology operates nowadays. In other words: What does Scientology do nowadays to recruit new members? I am not sure if I heard the explanation because there is so much information about it but can you get into that in one of your podcast episodes?
A true horror story. I have to admit such reports fill me with deep dread.
Thank you for telling your story Andy. I’m so very happy to hear you are in remission. Thank you for all the beautiful photography you create and share. It makes me happy.
What a masterpiece story.
Leather bound edition narrative.
Kudos and High fives to you Andy Porter, cancer survivor.
3053 *Suppressive Persons* unafraid of the pronouncements and predictions the cult made
on departing the cult.
These 3000+ people have, used their own name, and talked to journalists, authors, podcasts,
TV shows, major media, major tabloids, public facebook forums, public blogs, YOUTUBE interviews etc.
The compilation for wiki has been done by some ANONS and is a work in progress.
Anyone who wants to be added can do so easily.
https://whyweprotest.wikia.org/wiki/Former_Church_of_Scientology_members_who_have_spoken_out
Andy, all my best to you, my friend. Your photography is where you “ let r rip”— full of emotions—your strength, your heart —it’s all there to see. Thank you for sharing your story- I had no idea. Stop for a coffee when you come upriver— Elizabeth
Thank you Elizabeth, I will stop by soon!
Andy thank you for your inspiring story. I’m thrilled you are cancer free and that all that pain paid off for you. This is the best news ever. And your photos are breathtaking.
What do you think of that Scn reference on cancer that LRH wrote about how (I’m paraphrasing) if you can’t have kids or have losses on the 2nd dynamic, you’ll “pull in” cancer because it is your body trying to create a body to put on the track to come back to and that if you cant’ create a body due to whatever reason, you get cancer as the reactive mind tries to put a body there? Some heavy stuff for LRH to put on us that we caused our cancer by either losses on 2D or out ethics 2D or inability to have kids or being gay. He hated gays so included them in the ones to get cancer cuz they can’t have kids. ? I went along with that when in the cult. Not so much now.
And yet even as I write here, I too am battling cancer. (in remission). My two kids disconnected from me and it was a devastating blow. Per that reference, that would be what caused my cancer, the loss of my kids. But wait! It isn’t always true what LRH said! I was tested and found to have genetic damage on some DNA strands. My doctor says in my case it wasn’t what I did or didn’t drink or eat, it wasn’t whether I ran each day, it wasn’t being overweight. It was genetic and I had a 50% chance of getting cancer due to inheriting the gene. So that for me proved the LRH reference as bogus. I wish you wonderful days ahead and thank you for sharing this part of your life with us, and your incredible nature photos. Keep on keeping on.
Cindy,
Thank you! And thanks for your story.
I was lucky to find something creative to help me through.
Best wishes,
Andy
Yes what a gift you have!
Cindy
I have been basically reading this blog and the Underground Bunker every day for years. I comment only occasionally here and a little more often with the community at the UB.
I comment here today to say that this, for me, was the most powerful, moving piece I have read in all the years in these spaces. I didn’t know Andy or his story but I am filled with admiration for his humanity, his honesty, his soul. To come out of all of these difficult times of pain and self-examination with a sense of wholeness and gratitude is a remarkable moment. Andy, I don’t know if you read these comments but if you do….blessings on you and your family.
This is so insightful about the nature of $ci and its ultimate undermining of personality, compassion, love. It is toxic, as toxic as cell destroying chemicals.
I know it is cliche but reclaiming one’s life and living well is the greatest remedy. To take the years and lessons learned and continue on with a gratitude for a new chance and awareness for the real joys (and sometimes pain) of life heals the soul. Kudos, respect to all who have escaped and praise be to all who have helped them along the way.
And Mike….to nourish your family, your friendships and this forum so that a tale like Andy’s sees the light of day… these are not “stats” but an expression of a life well lived.
Glen,
I saw your comment at the UB and came here to read the article…
It really is an amazing story!
Thanks…to you, and to Andy!✌🏾
Glen,
Thank you very much.
As I went through the process, I realized that I had more to say.
Andy
As one who is going through his own cancer shit, I find this story very inspirational. Thanks Andy. As usual your photo’s are outstanding.
Mreppen1, I’m sorry to hear about your cancer. It’s a monster, isn’t it? I pray you will defeat the monster and have a good life after.
Hey Mike,
Best wishes, my friend, on your journey through all of that.
Andy
Andy, that is great news to hear, and your epiphone’s are inspiring. I just had a kidney removed because of a tumor there. I attribute the cancer to the 24/7 stress I experienced for 46 years in the cult. I have been officially out for 3 years. Under the radar for 8 years before that. Our body’s tell us what’s going on with us spiritually. I am grateful that I made it through to tell the tale. And I am grateful for your story and you being able to tell it on Mike’s blog. Thank you.
Geoff,
You’re welcome! When I went through all of that I realized that I had more to say.
The story’s are important and cathartic for us to tell and so helpful for others to read.
To have withstood the suppressions of Scn and then to have withstood the treatments for cancer and come out with the clarity you have is testament to your strengths. Your appreciation and talent for being with and duplicating Nature now that you are free to do so is a loving gift for you and for those who can share your photography.
Am glad you’re a fighter and a lover.
Awesome story. Beautiful work. You should be proud of your accomplishments.
On the flip side, more people need to speak up, spread the word and share their stories, experiences and evidence of what Scientology really is.
A big fat SCAM aka. Scientology Cons All Mankind.
Their end is near.
Thanks Mick!
Thanks Andy for the alarming and heartwarming account.
That they try to scare you into staying by claiming you’ll die of cancer if you leave totally over looks the OTVIIIs (at cause of matter, energy, space and time!) who have died of cancer while still members in good standing.
The beautiful photographs are truly inspiring.
Thank you!
No human being can claim to control the life and its events .
It’s beyond his/her scope .
Religion, philosophy and Science all in agreement on this topic.
It’s fraud to claim being super human and then go through the similar fate ,which every other human goes through.
A world ruled by Scientologists looks like an awful place to be. I’d rather live in Andy’s world.
🙂
O/T. FBI FOIA Library on Scientology.
1 of 6:
https://vault.fbi.gov/church-of-scientology/church-of-scientology-part-01-of-06/view
2 of 6:
https://vault.fbi.gov/church-of-scientology/church-of-scientology-part-02-of-06/view
3 of 6:
https://vault.fbi.gov/church-of-scientology/church-of-scientology-part-03-of-06/view
4 of 6:
https://vault.fbi.gov/church-of-scientology/church-of-scientology-part-04-of-06/view
5 of 6:
https://vault.fbi.gov/church-of-scientology/church-of-scientology-part-05-of-06/view
6 of 6:
https://vault.fbi.gov/church-of-scientology/church-of-scientology-part-06-of-06/view
/
Thanks for these links, ISNOINews!
Is there any option to have PDF version of it .
In depth report and comprehensive investigation by the agents.
INCREDIBLE story Andy..
Thanks so much for all of it.
Mirrors my own experience caring for a friend fighting cancer quite well.
Oh and wonderful photos too. Want to visit the Panther Falls now!
Hi Glen,
Thank you! Panther Creek falls is a wondrous place!
Andy