This missed the deadline for Thursday Funnies, but it is just too insane to be let go.
It tells you EVERYTHING you need to know about scientology today.
The ONLY thing that is important is status.
The ONLY thing that is offered is status.
The ONLY thing they want is money.
And even their phony made-up statuses, they will “discount” to try and get people to give more money now. You can ALSO be a Humanitarian With Knobs On — but now you don’t need to pay as much as the other people because we are more desperate.
“For three days only, you can buy an authentic certificate to hang on your wall that says you have a law degree.”
This is “scientology management.” Hah.
These people and their sleazy methods are held up as “ideal fundraisers” in the classes Nigerian internet scammers attend to learn their craft.
Doesn’t this prove that the game is all over? Raw meat will run out the door if they see this regging for donor status going on. They will want exchange for their money. All these donor status actions assume members trapped in the cult and no new raw meat for the forseeable future. It’s all over for the cult. We just have to wait for the giant financial collapse of the cult and its members.
Money buys status equals Scientology’s spiritual ecstasy!
In the NY Times Book Review of Janet Reitman’s “Inside Scientology” book, the American intellectual Gary Wills noted the money focus of Scientology reminded him of the Catholic Church’s unhealthy money accumulation interest.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/24/books/review/inside-scientology-and-render-unto-rome-book-review.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0
I do the same thing, Foolproof. Explaining to people how the DM’s “church” has twisted a workable and beneficial system into a money-grubbing cult has now become an essential part of the dissemination formula.
Yes, ironically it is straight out of that (1984?) HCOB “Misrepresentation of Dianetics and Scientology”. I wonder if LRH wrote that with prescience? What “Scientology” means these days is far removed from its original definition.
I think also that one has to be not defensive or hiding something at all – i.e. no “secrets” (i.e. O/Ws) which people in the Church can no longer do as they know the scams that are going on as soon as you go through the doors. So that is somewhat easy and straightforward and is a benefit we have in the Independent Field – providing one is not squirreling and purveying shoddy services of course.
“Feelin’ Greedy.” There ya go. Perfect, MJ.
Sometimes the right word just pops out of the ether when you’re writing lyrics.
Good one! You nailed it.
Your twisted rendition of Simon and Garfunkle’s very theta, pleasant, and peaceful song, “Feelin’ Groovy”, is a perfect analogy to what DM has done with the organizations that are supposed to be forwarding the Tech of Scientology for the benefit of mankind.
Let’s face it, DM has hijacked the word “Scientology” by associating it with the money-grubbing cult which he has created from his own self-centered evil impulses.
Scientology tech can improve lives. Shouldn’t it feel more like this?:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvlW4bEjB5A&list=RDNvlW4bEjB5A&index=1
No doubt Espiritu.
“They ONLY thing they want is money.”
Yes they do. But if they can’t get that due to lack of, they’ll take your life energy in the form of voluntary slavery called the Sea Org Billion Year Contract. It’s only a billion years – no big deal. This Plan B also includes joining Staff if you’re unwilling to join the SO or are unqualified (because you think you took LSD or Angel Dust, or something like that at some point in life). On Staff, you can have the privilege of living hand-to-mouth and NEVER going up The Bridge, or going OT. It’s way too expensive for a Staff member to even begin to pay for.
Masochism never looked so good.
Its a fricking ponzi scheme.
“Move up in status today, you’ll get a really good discount but only if you act fast. You’ll be so glad you did and joined the planetary elite.”
“What about auditor’s status?”
“Huh?”
“You know… the most valuable being on the planet?”
“What’s an auditor?”
Feeling Greedy 2.0
Sit the fuck down, I’ll be fast
Got to make them morning stats
A second mortgage on your home
Looking for funds and feelin’ greedy
Hello sheeple
What cha knowing
My senior wants your status growing
I know you’ve got some cash for me
Doot-in’ doo-doo
Feelin’ greedy
Don’t care ’bout the truth
No promises to keep
I’m wired and tired but can’t go to sleep
Let the corn on the cob come and compliment me
Money I love ya
All is greedy
Doot-in’ doo-doo
Feelin’ greedy
Very cool MJ
Groovy. 😉
Maybe they should pay people to take courses and go up the bridge.
Very funny jgg2012. Something like that one can foresee! Tomorrow?
Hey all you humanitarians with your feather-bound certificates:
“Newsflash! Take every cert you have and all your statuses, add all your commendations for delivering the tech, for being a top FSM, for anything good you ever done to keep the show on the road, then, tell a couple of opinion leaders that Miscavige is destroying the church. Make sure they hear you.”
In a very short period of time you will be toast. You will be comm-eved or declared.
Your statuses and commendations will mean absolutely nothing.
Friends of mine were declared for much less than trashing Miscavige.
Your statuses mean zero, nothing, of no value, IF you speak up against the little man or “management”.
Buying ethics protection is a fallacy. It is like the current leadership. Full of fallacy and a massive betrayal of everything you ever worked for, on behalf of the original dream.
Yes, the “original dream” Subreption. LRH would be turning in his grave if he had one. Complete and utter treason is the actual condition of those still in and supporting this calamity, criminality and farce that “Scientology” or rather the Church, has descended into. All that hard work of well-meaning people turned into a quagmire of arbitraries.
It is interesting but when one thinks about it there is actually no valid reply to such criticizing comments about COB and current management (i.e. COB). No TR4, no data that can support what is happening in the Church since the early 1980s (there were a few problems before that though, but very few relatively), no justification, no excuses, no reasoning – as the whole thing now is based on not delivering Scientology services as a fair exchange. So they simply cut off any thinking about what is originated and as you say, you are toast.
What is also interesting is that when people ask me about Scientology when they know I am one, a Scientologist that is (still), I simply tell them the truth as to what has happened in Church management and explain that the Tech works etc. when properly done and a few basic bits of tech, and then people have no problem with it – as-ised straight away when one states the truth. Something, as in North Korea, that one cannot do anymore in the usurped Church.
As to the 25% discount above, well, when you start off with an arbitrary i.e. a weird “solution” that isn’t one, inevitably more arbitraries enter in to the scene.
Yes Foolproof, I believe there’s an axiom on arbitraries.
Perhaps not quite Foolproof yet, but you have achieved your first status as an ex-Scientologist.
Virtually everyone first believes that “Tech good, Management bad,” before they realize that it’s all bad and always has been.
Congratulations, you’re on your way.
True Foolproof. I suggested to a friend that management can be wrong. She KRed me. I was hauled in.
LRH turning in his grave, figuratively, is what he would do, without question I often think of the analogy of Jesus getting pissed off with the money-lenders in the temples and going in and trashing them.
Imagine him “returning” to have a quick look around or walk through. Well sir, here we have an ideal org barbecue for you, where we dress up as pirates and take money from your public to build things, no, not for service.
And, over here we have a 5 thousand dollar e-meter.
Oh, the student hat costs the same as 2 months salary of most people in the developing world.
Oh, lastly, you remember that CS you did for me, the one where my objectives were all fine? Well, now that I have done the OT levels, my next step is to redo those, because they discovered you had left stuff out.
Just writing this comment makes me shake my head in amazement.
The current scene is unrecognizable.
My, my my, Delilah, I am still waiting for my (or actually your) so-called “cognition” that the “tech is bad”. Now I somewhat promised Mike I wouldn’t get into firefights but the Tech is not “all bad” and it’s not “always has been” – maybe for you but not for hundreds of thousands of others.
Tom Jones
Subreption – at least we can have a laugh about what LRH would do if he spent a few hours in an Org finding out what was going on (it wouldn’t take him long after all as the outpoints hit one in the face as you walk in). I would imagine though that COB had headed for the hills (of South America) long before LRH had uttered his first angry outburst.
Mountain View is a complete crock of Sh*t.
I was put on their CF after moving to Los Angeles
and all they did was full time all hands FUND RAISE,
even all public dialing for dollars. No training in Academy or
auditor’s auditing , everyone getting money from anyone.
They sent out promo that was photo shopped depicting a lavish store front, NOT !!!
When I got to Flag there were emails I sent to Mt. V for my MAA that had to be explained.
I began disconnecting by internet finally demanding that I be DEAD FILED and report it Flag when complied. A Mt View OT 8 replied that we will Clear the Planet with or without you !” They don’t deliver anything, only fund raise and give a 25 percent discount for no services ???????
This is the David Foster let me f**k you in the ass for your Bridge money school of regging . Better off at Stevens Creek, at least your De Digged, which is Russian Psychiatry,
that’s something Mountain View is total nothing !!! A Fake, it’s a scam.
Don’t hold back…
Used Cult for sale !
I’ll bid one dollar as long as I get the whole enchilada. It would be a sad waste of a buck but I would still do it.
I thought it might come to this: Hurry, hurry, hurry! Get ’em while they last! Used cult for sale! Cheap! Step right up and drive it around the block! Yes, you too can be a despotic cult ruler! Get away with beating the fuck out of people you don’t like! Live the life of a rock star! Hang out with celebrities! Have people fawn over you! Get away with sending any wife you might have to the cult’s gulag! Become a god to your underlings. Scoff at the fact that the rest of the world hates your fucking guts. Revel in the fact that you’re worth a cool billion dollars while your workforce works for pennies and hour! But don’t wait as this cult won’t be on the market long!
Please see Old Surfer Dude for all sales. AND, of course, ALL SALES ARE FINAL…
Buying indulgences… These people have gone completely bonkers.
Well, with COB (Chief of Bonkers) what do you expect?
Crass and shameless!!!
What else is new?
And don’t forget Shameless & Crass!
Attorneys- at- Law ?
Odd
Yes Odd Thomas, I believe they’re merging with Wephuckum and Howe.
“These people and their sleazy methods are held up as “ideal fundraisers” in the classes Nigerian internet scammers attend to learn their craft.” You hit the nail on the head, Mike.
I would be very pissed off if I was a Nigerian Internet Scammer and I had to share a rung on the ladder of integrity with the Church of Scientology.
Alanzo
Also, I think as a group we have been very unfair to the Mafia with our comparisons of the Co$ to them.
The IAS started doing this back in 2007ish. I remember thinking, what’s the fucking point? You are fund raisers and you’re supposed to raise funds, not give “discounts”, thus raising less funds. When I pointed this out to them they either didn’t respond or maybe said some bullshit about creating statuses gets more
people to donate. Whatever. In retrospect, fuck off assholes!
Right on!
I wish they were selling all this status stuff when I was young and “getting in” cause there is no way I would have fell for it.
I no longer believe in anything LRon or scn, but at least back in the day there was hope of actually DOING something productive and valuable.
This status thing is so ugly it’s unbelievable they do it!
I do believe…
I believe we are witnesses to the most massive criminal religious fraud in history. Lil’Savage has actually been able to improve upon the original “make money, make more money” tech by cutting out the bs, e.g., inventing a status bridge and actually selling it to the whales.
LRH would be proud of Lil’Savage…more money without the trappings of spiritual enlightenment.
Hmm, I think the selling of indulgences by the catholic church over many centuries is going to take a while to overtake. As just one example. Organized religion has made a habit of defrauding people. Some would argue it is inherent in the concept of organized religion. Scientology has never been big enough, and certainly isnt now, to be the “most massive” religious anything in history.
Buy your new status for 25% off and wear your new service facsimile with pride.
I’m a HUMANITARIAN VEGITARIAN OCTOGENARIAN MISCAVOLOGIST. YOU, on the otherhand, are a mere wog. And even worse, since you once did a comm course and didn’t like it and said so…YOU are a suppressive worse-than-wog…whatever.
:). Good one.
Church is due for a cobectomy.
Next they’ll have a going out of business sale.
Don’t tease me…
But the only thing of value on the books is the cash and real estate. Probably nothing else could command a nickel on the dollar, incuding the copyrights.
This is not Scientology, this is not a church, all I can see is a sucking black hole of greed and despair. I have a new status for you- The supreme” CORNHOLIEO”-also a new name, “THE ASSociation OF YOUR NEXT SUCKER.”
Their desperation is palpable…
And I just love it!
This is so redicilous. Instead of Service Compition Award, they ofer now Status Complition Award. There no delivery going on at the CoS, no LRH, no Bridge, but only Status!!! Un real!!!!
Do not understand. For what is this award? You get 25% off of what? If you give 1 Mio you get 250.000 back or you go for 250.000 higher in status. Basically means both the same .. you give 250.000 less for having a higher status reached .. or what? Can not grasp that .. for what is this good?
If I would cause a fundraising about whatever, and would say you get 50% award or 75% award if you pay in before sunday next week .. there would be no sense in it .. everybody would look at me as an idiot ..
okay, I understand .. there are people around who play with status .. as higher as better for them ..
25% of what exactly?
It’s simple really.
You can have the status of xxxx that usually costs you $100,000 for only $75,000 and get to be “recognized” as a human rights champion (or whatever it is) and have your name engraved on the plaque in the org (until you get declared….)
COB = Church of Bullshit.
I’m sure many of these people are buying “ethics protection” as well.
So the internally created problem of harsh ethics and “clay pigeons” are held at bay by paying more money and attaining a status with a certificate.
This is protection money, just like you pay when the crooked-nosed mafia guy comes around every week to collect so you don’t have your window smashed in or your building burned down.
Looks like “spiritual freedom” in Scientology remains elusive as ever, even though so many “SP”s have been cleared out in the last few years.
Alanzo
It’s COD (as in cod piece) because he would need some sort of enhancement to fill out his shorts no. 1 and no. 2 because it’s Daveshit. we don’t need to denigrate any more bulls.
CoS = Church of Sales.
Church of Sheeple (CoS)
Wake up people
Your leader smells of
Matter fecal
Yes, but…
This is also a “completion award.” Does that mean that the blood-coloured thermometer goes up by the amount the mark pays or by the undiscounted amount?
Ohhhh! This is a Status Completion award AND a Project Completion award! You didn’t explain that Mike. Shame on you. That’s like a 25% discount AND a 2-for-1!
Now, where’s that checkbook….
When seeing this 25% Credit announcement, somehow my inner commonsense is hitting a buzzer in the back of my mind, making me thing that somehow, in some way, Co$ will still find a way to get that 25% from you in hard cash….might not happen right away, but you have to know that you will be approached by reg staff later to contribute that difference….
Exactly!
Makes sense. After all, it is a limited time offer. Once that limited time is up, then the offer expires retroactively.
I just called the number on the flyer. No person answered but the message said it was the Cult of Scientology of Mt. View. After the message, the machine said I could not leave a message because the mailbox was full.
I assume the mailbox was full of messages from cult members trying to donate to take advantage of the cut rate status option! Good grief, you would think they would have the phones manned 24/7 if they really expected plebes to call and donate!
Anyway, i was hoping to have a discussion with a reg ………………. just to make their day.
+1
:).
You knew it was just a matter of time: Ideal Statuses. No training. No auditing. Nothing but NEVER ENDING FUNDRAISING.
Keep calling, Coop, and let us know the outcome. They ask for money, give a phone number and then don’t man the phones? Par for the course in RCS.
The message box was probably full because nobody is there (anymore) to answer the phone …
This will have one interesting unintended side effect: the people who paid “full price” for a given status, especially those who dug painfully deep to cough up the dough, are going to be a little bit resentful of those who got the same status “on sale.” And of course, since complaining about that little insult is “counter intention” or “suppressive,” they’re not going to do it. But the resentment will rankle in the breast of some of those who paid full price and at some point some number of them will just give up and fade away into the sunset, as so many others are doing.
The Church of The Dwindling Spiral.
Church of The Turbo Boost Dwindling Spiral…
Indeed… Add that to the list of reasons that scientology’s worst enemy is in fact itself.
What is fascinating and heartbreaking in equal measure is why on earth this machination is still going.
One for the historians I guess.
Not exactly. Because even though they will be credited their next status without having to pay that full amount, they will still have to make up the difference in actual cash before attaining the status above that one. This is just a way to pull some sales forward. But the pressure to continue donating will still be there, especially since as humanitarians they will now be expected to set an example for all the rest. In order to achieve humanitarians with honors they’ll still have to pay the proper amount of cash.
John, this happened once that I know of.
They had this “deal” for the IAS which was that up to a certain deadline, you can become a Patron of the IAS (or some such status) for a certain percentage off. So, for example, if it was normally $50,000 to be a Patron, if you got up to $40,000 by such-and-such date, you would be proclaimed to be a Patron.
My wife Sindy was talking to a guy who had a long time before that been something like a Patron Meritorious, which I think was the $250,000 status, and he said to her that it was not fair that someone who paid less money to be a Patron than he did when he became a Patron, got to be called a Patron. He felt that he had sacrificed a lot to pay all the money he had paid, and the fact that someone who didn’t have to sacrifice as much as he did, would get equal status, made the status less meaningful for everyone.
As if the IAS didn’t care as much about what he had done because now with this “discount”, some schmuck only had to come up with 20% less money to have equal status.
The only paper certificate which gives real and lasting status in the world of Scientology is a Suppressive Person Declare.
That is the only certification which genuinely bestows a return of civil rights, freedom from reactive mind control, and the blue-blood pedigree that all Scientologists claw and scramble past each other to possess.
Sadly, I was banished from being able to obtain my own when I publicly declared that I would frame my SP Declare above my fireplace, put recessed lighting around it, and rope it off like a museum piece. Then I would have it professionally photographed and used as the masthead for my blog.
Alas, I am forever shut out of the upper crust of the upper crust, doomed forever to muck around with the unwashed masses.
Alanzo
Alanzo has hit on a gold mine. The SPD is the best investment with the highest long term netback that anyone can make in scientology. Because they haven’t been issuing the golden rod certificates recently due to all management’s paper budget being diverted into legal brief reproduction. and revised ideal org plans they could start charging for the the Golden Rod cert. You could get Golden Rod Spanked SP status for 10K or a leather bound one for 20K, Add on another 100K for becoming a humanitarian GRSP with all the other crazy titles thrown into the mix. They could try phoning you every year to increase your GRSP status. Since there are more SPs than members it could be yet another a straight up and vertical business.
Right you are, tony-b!
SP Declares are just like the velour prints they were selling as “special properties” investments along with the Mission Earth series back in the late 80’s. With that Velvet Elvis aesthetic, there’s nothing like a big-boobed star woman draped across an alien landscape to sky rocket the value of your portfolio.
The value of a genu-wine Suppressive Person Declare far surpasses the value of even those Scientology investment properties for just the reason you said – THEY’RE NOT ISSUING THEM ANY MORE!
So if you’ve got one, hold on to that sucker: It’s nothing but straight up and vertical from here!
Alanzo
True on the Patron Status being altered from 250,000 to a mere 40,000. I also remember that large amount years ago, and wondered how people who paid $250,000 felt about sharing the ‘Patron’ title with those who only paid $40,000.
I think the dollar amount was reduced to entice people to pay for the ‘status’ title and Patron became the standard for all parishioners auditing on OTVII. It came out as a Flag Executive Order and people on the level had to sign a promissory note that they would become a Patron of the IAS. The fee for that was exactly $40,000. My spouse got caught in that web. This was around 2007-2008. Of course, the solo auditors were told that it was a “requirement” to being on the level. Many people fell for it and paid the $40,000 in increments, meaning each time they returned for their ‘refresher’ they would have to explain to their MAA why the amount wasn’t fully paid yet and explain what they were doing about it. This was carefully kept track of by the IAS office liasoning with Ethics.
So, two special awards from management. The parishioners should be bowing down – South Korean style – to “management” (whatever this generality suppose to mean) and should be sending Thank You Cards for allowing them to pay so much money with a 25% discount. So magnanimous
Off the main topic I know but I suspect you mean North Korean style. Mike has drawn many comparisons between COB and the NK dictatorship. Unfortunately 31 yr-old Kim Jung-Un has rarely been seen for the last couple of months including the annual big meeting of the powerful KA drinkers). So the generals and public have not had to do so much bowing. There is considerable speculation that the only fat person in NK has severe health problems, Even the state-run news has stated he is in “discomfort”. I suspect due to his love of booze and imported good foods like Emmental cheese. Meanwhile his bowing worshipful people are starving. When he has his stroke there is no apparent successor. Sound familiar?
When I take a step back and contemplate current C of S words and deeds, I am truly stunned by what they have turned into. Yes there was always some amount of funny money activity, crush regging, etc. But at least it used to be ancillary to the activities of training and auditing. Now it is their raison d’etre. This is what Miscavige and his enablers and facilitators have distilled, bottled and market as the essence of Scientology. What are they thinking? As many flaws as Scientology may have had embedded in it from the beginning, at least at one time it was predominantly a spiritual pursuit. Now it has morphed entirely into a criminal financial enterprise with almost no redeeming value whatsoever. When viewed over the span of a decade or two, it is actually shopping how far it has fallen and how it has become a terminally-degraded parody of the worst and basest of instincts.
Meant …”it is actually shocking”…not shopping.
Well-stated SadStateofAffairs — amusing auto-correct typo notwithstanding 🙂 — I left the cult in the late 1990s, which is to say I stopped being active, stopped responding, stopped participating and stopped listening to any and all pleas for money, event attendance, etc etc. All mail went promptly into the recycling container. I never spoke out but I was no longer a practicing Scientologist.
I finally started paying attention again just recently, I’m embarrassed to admit — I suppose I needed fifteen years to decompress and learn my own way. Anyway, let me tell you I was SHOCKED at what Scientology had become! It was bad enough comparing my early childhood memories of good times in the 70s and early 80s against the bullshit and sleaze of the 90s. But the difference of the 90s to the 2010s is horrifying, unbelievable, tragic and mortifying.
Whatever one’s opinion about the original version of Scientology developed by some dude named Hubbard, we can all agree that whatever this thing is that now calls itself Scientology is anything but. It’s like the psycho killer in “Silence of the Lambs” wearing his victim’s skin — and, yes, I am comparing David Miscavige to a psycho killer who murders his victim to wear their skin.
My personal opinion of Hubbard’s version of Scientology drops each day, but that is not really the point. I want to be here to help people still sewing and knitting that ghastly skin to make it look whole even as it rots away. The holes are becoming too big to patch up. Soon it must crumble away. When they see through the holes and realize how big the world is, I want to be there to assuage their shock and misery.
If I had known about or been able to find communities such as are represented on this blog when I was first awakening from the dream, my journey would have been much faster — and much healthier.
I remember in the old days that the Sea Org admonished its members to “stand prepared.” It is us who must now be the ones who are truly prepared to catch our friends and loved ones as they tumble into reality.
I was 19 when I took the personality test and thought I had a new best friend. Turned out to be a sick reg….so I did the TR’s…and another basic class. But then he got serious about wanting money. I sold a bunch of stuff…stereo, tv, to raise enough to do the next class. Mr. Reg would hang out with me pumpinh me full of questions to find out if my family had money. Made an embarrassing call to my mom asking for dough. She did her due dilligence by visiting the local office because I stationed in Hawaii. She called the next day to tell me no. Thank God she did. Thank God I’d told Mr. Reg about all the illicit chemicals I’d tried, because Sea Org was not an option. I did have one very important cognition when I was being ptessured to call my great-grandmother….”It’s ALL about the money”. This was 1976.
Some things never change…Scientology is still a scam meant to take money…it’s never been about anything else.
Sadstateofaffairs, you asked, “What are they thinking? As many flaws as Scientology may have had embedded in it from the beginning, at least at one time it was predominantly a spiritual pursuit.”
DM had a few choices.1) He could have divulged the “OT level” hoax LRH was playing. (and immediately collapsed the church) 2) He could have kept the status quo (and the church would have collapsed pretty quickly as other senior execs divulged the same.) Or, 3) he could have done what he has done. Personally, I choose #1 as being the most ethical…
The “OT level” hoax is a molehill on the Big Hoax mountain of fooling people into believing the whole scam is about something other than taking your money.
Scientology….lightening wallets and destroying families since 1952
Sit down, this will be fast
I got to make the morning stats
A second mortgage on your home
Looking for funds and feelin’ groovy
Hello sheeple
What cha knowing
I’ve got to see your status growing
I know you’ve got some cash for me
Doot-in’ doo-doo
Feelin’ groovy
Don’t care ’bout the truth
No promises to keep
I’m tired and angry and can’t go to sleep
Let the big cobster drop all his praises on me
I love the money
All is groovy
Correction – change groovy to greedy.
Laugher, MJ!
+1+1+1