My parents, Ian and Barbara with Taryn the day after she was born in our room at the Ft. Harrison hotel
My daughter, Taryn, was born on 22 January 1978. Today she turns 45.
I thought I would take the opportunity to reprint the letter addressed to her and her brother at the start of A Billion Years. And also to put some photos of her here. As you may know if you read my book, after I escaped in 2007 my personal belongings were sent to me, without ANY of my photos or anything that memorialized my life in the Sea Org. Since then, scientology has spent inordinate amounts of money creating internet hate sites about me, many focused around my children and ex-wife. They have used some of my photos on those sites, so I downloaded them… The photo above is one of the very few I have of my parents (both OT VIII and both deceased).
A LETTER TO MY CHILDREN
Dear Taryn and Benjamin,
Let me start with this: I am truly sorry for placing you in a world
where your future was preordained. It is difficult and painful to contemplate
that I brought you into a life where, from your earliest years,
you were denied any meaningful free will. If I had known then what I
know now, I would never have let that happen.
A few days after you were born, you were turned over to the nannies
in the “nursery.” Your mother and I rarely saw you as you grew up,
but that was justified in our minds—we had a larger purpose that was
far more important. We were saving mankind and didn’t have a minute
to spare. No distraction from that vital work could be tolerated, including
time spent with you, our children.
Yet, to be honest, had I spent more time with you, had we spoken
more, I would not have taught you any differently. I was as dedicated to
the cause of scientology as anyone could ever be. At the time, I thought
I was being the best parent I could be by being the best scientologist I
could be.
I wrote this book for you. It may seem odd to write a book for an
audience of two, but my hope is that at some point it will help you
make that decision to find your own way out of the scientology bubble.
Maybe not today or tomorrow, but someday. In the meantime, I believe
there may be others who have had similar experiences and perhaps will
find my story helpful.
If you are still in scientology as you are reading this, you are
immersed in a carefully constructed cocoon that makes you believe,
with all your heart, many things that are provably false. You will be
certain this is a book of bigoted lies. I hope you come to see that scientology
is a mind prison designed to be nearly impossible to escape.
Let me paint a picture that might be easier for you to understand.
Imagine that from the first moment you could comprehend words
being spoken, you were told that if you traveled outside the wall around
the house in which you were born, a terrible fate would befall you. And
that if anyone beyond that wall tried to tell you there was nothing to be
afraid of on the other side, they were an agent of evil, simply trying to
trick you into falling into their clutches, where you would die a horrible
death and live in darkness for eternity. You were told how lucky and
privileged you were to live in a beautiful house far from the cruelty and
evil that run rampant outside that wall. Under those circumstances, it
is unlikely you would risk walking out the door and jumping over that
wall.
Like you, I grew up in that house and was afraid to venture beyond
the wall. I didn’t consider the possibility that there was anything of
value in the non-scientology world. I had been taught that the wall
was real and horrors outside the wall were waiting to engulf us all if we
ventured beyond. That’s what L. Ron Hubbard told us and so it was
true. I passed this same message along to you. I believed with all my
heart you were fortunate to be brought into the safe, happy, and ethical
bubble of scientology.
Only when life within that world had become intolerable did
I finally make the leap over the wall. It took me a long time, and I
endured more hardships and abuse than one should to reach that point.
I will try to explain in this book how I became immersed in a way of
thinking that made the unthinkable perfectly rational and inured me to
things “normal” people would never have tolerated.
When I did finally leave, I was astonished to discover that life beyond
that wall—the non-scientology world—is not full of bogeymen, death,
and destruction. It is a large, exciting, and vibrant place far less dangerous
than we had been warned. It is in fact much healthier and more
enjoyable than life inside the scientology mind prison. Since I escaped,
I have been shouting back over the wall, throwing notes tied around
stones, and skywriting to anyone who may look up—attempting to get
the message through that there is a big, wide, beautiful world out here.
I hope you can discover the real world for yourselves, too. No matter
what you may think, it is never too late to start over. I was fifty-two
when I began afresh. An old dog can learn new tricks.
I owe it to you to try to tell you the truth, and I have to have faith
that you, my own children, might eventually listen. Even the smallest
crack in your conviction might lead to more questioning. And as soon
as you begin questioning, the end of the nightmare is near.
I want you to know that I harbor no ill will toward you for the
things you have said about me. In fact, the love I feel for you is greater
today than at any previous time in our lives. Distance from the corrosive
thought control of scientology has increased my capacity for compassion,
empathy, and love—emotions not valued in scientology. That
distance has also intensified my feelings of guilt for having put you in
the circumstances you are in.
Today, I know what it means to raise a child. Your younger brother,
Jack, has been brought up outside the confining walls of scientology. I
take him to his soccer games; we eat out together; I help him with his
homework and school projects. We go on vacations and spend holidays
together as a family—things I never got to do with you. Helping Jack
grow up is a beautiful and rewarding part of my life. But it is also a
constant reminder of all the things you and I missed.
Maybe some of what I write will help you see through the propaganda
that I am an evil person bent only on the destruction of mankind.
Eventually, you may want to know about me, and I may not be
around to tell you in person. Perhaps reading this book will help you
understand the long path I took.
I love you.
—Dad
Taryn and Benjamin
Taryn and her mother Cathy
The only photo that includes me — they tore it because I “destroyed the family.”
Happy Birthday Taryn. I will always be here for you.
Mike, my heart goes out to you for not being allowed to at least keep your own photos of your children, your parents, your friends, yourself as a youngster with them. When you have lost people, photos mean so much. In fact they are priceless. To deny you the tangible possession of such memories was cruel of them. So very cruel. I’m so sorry.
I cried.
She has your eyes Mike.
Taryn,
I’m sure you haven’t had all the happy birthdays you’ve deserved. No balloons and cakes, no big parties with lots of presents. Time lost on a goal that can’t be achieved, and not because you haven’t given everything to achieve it, but because greed and corruption have changed Scientology into something not achieving anything at all.
But, the one present that the wog world can and does give you for your birthday, is a welcoming with open arms. The entire world is your oyster, you can do and be anything, with all of the incredible support of so many strangers who love you without knowing you. Whenever you are ready, we are all here to cheer you on and support you.
I hope this year is your best year!
Mike, this tells why you absolutely had to write the book. It is also a remarkably well written, experiential condemnation of Scientology and similar cults. My heart is really heavy, yet a little hopeful, reading it and seeing the photos. Thank you for sharing it.
It is rigged to prey on the young, which is on purpose, and evil.
I swapped the road sign to target two with the road sign to the sun.
Ad Astra lrh, may you get the answer to that burning question.
Mike, I have not seen nor communicated with my children for over 4 years. Your separation has been a lot longer. You expressed beautifully what it is to raise children in Scientology only to realize that you were teaching them lies. Your book covers your personal story and is also a universal tale that can touch many parents and family’s of all religions and walks of life. I wish for you a reunion soon with Taryn and Benjamin. They are missing out on so much in their lives.
Sending love to your entire family – both those together & those at a distance. May the distance grow smaller until you are in each others arms again.
What a treasure Taryn is. I hope she will have time with you. Thank you for sharing your letter and book. It helps many other parents and children who have been born into high control groups. Like you say, it’s not easy but there is hope and it’s never too late to start leaving. Life and love awaits.
Awe. So sad. Scientology is a very cruel religion. The way it pits family members against each other is a testimony to that. But that is but one of its many cruelties.
Happy Birthday Taryn. I wish one day something will click for you and you will get out of this religion and return to your father and his unconditional love.
I wish the same for all of those affected by this church’s policies that tears families apart.
Ironic that LRH sold all of us on joining up by giving us the opportunity to ‘save the planet’.
How utterly inconceivable it is that ‘saving the planet’ means hating and destroying families.
How does ‘saving the planet’ mean mind control?
How does ‘saving the planet’ mean attack anyone who has an opinion of their own?
How does ‘saving the planet’ mean you no longer can speak or think for yourself?
NO PLANET WAS EVER SAVED BY HATE, VINDICTIVENESS, GREED OR LIES!
Bottom line? LRH fucked up. BIG TIME!
Superb comment, Rheva.
Very sad, Mike
Happy birthday, Taryn … and may you hear your father’s call as loudly as I can hear him from 1500 miles away.
My heart is with you, Mike.
Love and peace to you, Christie, Shane, and “our Jack”. One day I hope your clan is joined by both Taryn and Ben.
Thank you beautiful Robin!
It is so sad and outrageous that a church should use a daughter to try and discredit her courageous father. Mike, I hope that one day soon your son and daughter will wake up and reach out to you for your help in securing their exit from the thought control, hate, and destruction of such an organization.
Mike:
My fondest hope is that sometime in the near future there’s a knock at your door and when you open it, on the doorstep is Taryn or Benjamin or both. And the first thing they say is ‘Dad, please! We are so sorry! We shouldn’t have cut you off the way we did!”
Then you throw your arms around them, hug them and let them know that it’s all right and that you’re glad that they’re out of that mess.
That would be a heart touching reunion.
So despite my being an SP, happy birthday Taryn.
I’d knew today if I commented immediately I’d say something stupid.
But here’s my comment for today: Even under the circumstances happy birthday, Taryn.
Happy Birthday Taryn 🙂
Words from a crook led me astray
To be chasing the shadows of yesterday
But the price of that fiefdom we all must pay
From now on
Selling hot air we stood our ground
To empty their wallets we wore ‘em down
And blinded them all with darkness
We stood small
We decided that Hubbard’s right
So we took all his advice
We stand small
No turning back
We lost our way
We stand small
Right or wrong
We follow Ron!
Telling more lies won’t set us free
But put us in jail for eternity
To a future we thought would never be
We stand small
And we’re feeling so insecure
For the shit that we’ve endured
We stand small
No turning back
We lost our way
We stand small
Right or wrong
We follow Ron!
Hey Ronny Ron
Hey Ronny we stand small
Hey Ronny Ron
Hey Ronny we stand small
Good one!
Now do a parody of ‘Get On The Road To Freedom”!
When I read today’s post, I decided to respond with a very nasty message to her filled with many curse words. Of all the people involved in this cult, I believe I have the nastiest feelings towards Mike’s daughter – more so than any other cult members.
But it only took me a split second to realize that would be so very wrong on so many levels.
First of all, that is not what Mike would ever want.
But most of all, it seems to me the only reason why any of the children of former members would realize they would want to come back to their families would be if they knew their families had always kept the door open to them and would always welcome them back with loving hearts.
I’m guessing the single most probable event that would cause the children to contact their families and to come back home would be when some event occurred and the cult reacted with their typical mean-spirited, hurtful reactions whereas their families would react in the same way they had always reacted with a loving and welcoming spirit.
What are the odds that children of the cult will come back to their families? It’s truly impossible to know. It will depend entirely on them and how they feel about the way their families and the cult react to some event that will cause the children to think about where they stand and how they have been treated by the cult and by their families.
My guess would be there is just no way to predict how or when that will happen.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment
I hope Taryn knows how to contact you, when she decides to jump the Hubbard/Scientology ship of fools who are left holding Hubbard’s bag of noxious inhumane rules and predicaments.
Christmas time, holiday season, used to be the one time most Scientologist staff used to quit and flee back to their families, quitting Scientology.
Taryn hopefully, and even Cathy too, and your son, all do that someday.
I’m forever hopeful all quit Scientology, even at some distant date.
Hubbard left them holding a toxic bag of rules ruinous to them.
PS: Cathy in her earlier Sea Org years, she was a truly nice and compassionate woman, she was really a good person in the late 1970s, early 1980s. She used to be so calm and serene and rational, really I held her as one of the good execs back then.
Thanks Chuck.
Yes, I hold out hope too.
They won’t have any trouble finding me if they decide to escape…
A group can not represent itself as a “church” and then spend millions of dollars to create childish hate sites and magazines without destroying its own reputation. Miscavige and his flying monkeys are too stupid and hateful to understand that. Surveys now show Scientology and Satanism to be tied as the most disliked “religions” in America. The public has now had the opportunity to interact (TV, radio, books, podcasts, etc) with many of those people that Scientology considers its biggest enemies. The public likes, supports and respects those that have stood tall and exposed the insanity and crimes of Scientology.
Mat, You truly ought to write your book. Your views really need to be recorded for posterity.
Thank you, Chuck. I just might do that.
The only photo that includes you, Mike, is torn because scientology destroyed your family.
Happy Birthday, Taryn. The best present you could give yourself today would be to contact The Aftermath Foundation.
https://theaftermathfoundation.org/