Apparently taking a page from Oprah Winfrey, Dear Leader has commissioned his own magazine “David Miscavige.”
The difference is, of course, that Oprah’s magazine is actually about things other than Oprah.
This would appear to be more like something published by the PDRK PR team about Kim Jong-un than a magazine simply bearing someone’s name like Forbes or Oprah. Or perhaps it is really more like a “Ron” mag, the hagiographic publication that purports to detail “Ron’s life” but in fact merely presents pictures and articles that try to portray him as a “humanitarian”, “yacht captain” or “photographer” while ignoring or erasing inconvenient details like his second wife Sarah who he married bigamously.
“Ecclesiastical Leader of the Scientology Religion David Miscavige” appears to be devoted entirely to the amazing accomplishments, generosity and genius of the Chairman of the Bored. This is the latest in the line of Miscavige worship — in the grand tradition of the forced “success stories” that public are required to write, false affidavits staff at the Gold Base are forced to sign and the staged videos proclaiming the wonders of “Mr. Miscavige” the greatest and most interesting man on earth. Reminds one of the citizens of N Korea, but For them THEIR Dear Leader holds the title of one and only man-God.
It’s hard for a normal person to imagine not being so embarrassed by something like this that it would NEVER see the light of day. But this seems to be how the mind of a mad dictator works. No fawning praise is too much. No accolade undeserved. No claim of genius should be hidden from the world. In fact, he will say all these things ABOUT HIMSELF.
It’s what sociopaths do.
For the final proof — look at the scientology website. There are literally hundreds of pages devoted to highlighting the virtues of this man who has “redefined the term ‘religious leader'” (perhaps one of the only truthful statements on any of the pages).
Well … he is the leader of a totalist cult … “What do we mean by the word ‘cult’? Cult (totalist type): A group or movement exhibiting a great or excessive devotion or dedication to some person, idea, or thing and employing unethically manipulative techniques of persuasion and control (e.g. isolation from former friends and family, debilitation, use of special methods to heighten suggestibility and subservience, powerful group pressures, information management, suspension of individuality or critical judgment, promotion of total dependency on the group and fear of leaving it, etc.), designed to advance the goals of the group’s leaders, to the actual or possible detriment of members, their families, or the community.” Dr. Louis Jolyon West.
I’ve always had a very low tolerance threshold for those who like to blow their own trumpet. I’d like to think that were I still involved this self-congratulating pile of crap would be the tipping point for me. I’d tired of those awful deification presentations by Sherman long before I left but this really does take the biscuit. He apparently has absolutely no shame.
Miscavige Teen Heartthrob magazine…
He’s so DREAMY!
Sounds like DM wants a medal higher than his pal’s Religious Freedom Medal of Valor, but he can’t get one. DM has ZERO awards if you think about it.
Little Plastic Freak
Infants crave approval. Adulthood, it has slipped past the little thug sociopath.
This is very funny.
Very confused.
Are they going to do a swimsuit issue?
coffeeee – alllllllllll over the screen! lolol
Blindness would follow…
LOL, Kyle!
Well, you can just stand by my bed tonight to stop the nightmares….thanks, Kyle…
OhioBuckeye: Which post did you find offensive? Mike, AFAICT, doesn’t read minds (except possibly his wife’s when she gives him “that” look. I didn’t see anything before yours that was even rude.
Thats very rude.
It’s about NXIVM, certainly an extreme cult.
My posts are not getting through
What are your crimes?
LOL!
We need to get truck loads of this magazine and distribute it everywhere. It will do more damage than Aftermath to the cult.
🙂 BK.
Is it equal treatment if you denigrate the vertically challenged as you would any person? I think so, with which any good roast-master would be in agreement. Here goes then: Anyone who has a full staff of photo, video, and event choreographers could be made to look like a billionaire to self inflate the Ego. Any true religious leader would realize the mistake in this and Instead humbly bow to a mundane portrayal as a real and relatable person to this be Egoless. Between the Pope’s new movie and Dave’s magazine, I am not sure which one is more roast worthy at the moment. #BeEgoless
David Miscavige has his own magazine.
You gotta be fucking kidding me!
After having read today’s Blog, I guess you’re not.
I’d love to see the table of contents or the index page. “20 Questions with COB” “A Day In the Life of the Chairman” “Ribbon Cutting 101” etc etc.
Don’t forget the most important section of the magazine, (and undoubtedly Microcabbages favorite section): Beating Staff.
Once upon a time there was God, he who had created all things from naught and then little Davey realised power is assumed and he took over!
Dave,
Can I run an ad in your new magazine for my new Religious Freedom and Gaming Center? It will feature the time I almost “over-boarded” you into Aruba Bay from the deck of the Freewinds in 1988. Please respond I would love to get together with you again.
OMGs! I would looooooovvvveeee to hear this story, georgemwhite, and much respect for having come so close to managing.
Perhaps his “story” might go something like this . . .
Dave F.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NeS4ueaU6w
I’m stumped – “Ecclesiastical Leader”????
The word “ecclesiastical” is relating to the “Christian Church” or its clergy.
Someone should break it to him – Scientology is NOT a Christian anything. It’s not really even a church or religion for that matter – but those two things pale in comparison to referring to yourself as a “Christian” leader. SMH
They always steal language from an established religion, Catholicism.
They also have a standard insult regarding ex members who expose them: “bitter defrocked apostates”. Scientology confers no frocks, so they have MUs (Misunderstood Word) on both defrocked and apostates.
Scientologists are like broken records!
They adhere to no Christian doctrine. According to Hubbard, Jesus didn’t exist and was a mental implant from space aliens. They tell the lower levels it’s ok to be Christian and an Scientologist. They even push that in their marketing, but it is not true.
The language doesn’t lend them any credibility. They’re still evil incarnate!
I think of him more as the ” Sleazlesiastical leader”.
Oh…that’s priceless!
TONIGHT A & E SPECIAL 10 PM
CULTS & EXTREME BELIEFS
My first “test” post disappeared….
test
Mike – could you please remove the totally offensive post found above? You will know it as soon as you see it; posted at 2:07 PM today.
Thank you,
Because the words used are offensive? It’s hardly going to bring about the end of the world? You certainly may point out it’s vulgarity. I don’t tend to get rid of comments just because someone else doesn’t approve of them.
Thank you Mike, I appreciate your response. Differing opinions help us grow as human beings. I guess I’m a just a dinosaur; I still believe in limits.
I respectfully agree to disagree.
When I read the description it states that “David Miscavige DIRECTED all these changes. Now I am not a lawyer but to me if on a jury that states that he is and was hands on directing changes in the every day workings of the cult. That goes against his claim not to be involved in every day activities of the cult. Depose him just on that claim
I would depose him in a heart beat. He IS a criminal.
Excellent point David Bates!
Disgusting
Totally!
And shameless self-gratification that appeals to no one bt his Dwarfenführer self.
Is this what tax exempt money is spent on?
“In that capacity, Mr. Miscavige has redefined he term ‘Religious leader'” to mean Rocket Man.
She packed my bags last night pre-flight
Zero hour nine AM
And I’m gonna be high as a kite by then
I miss the earth so much I miss my wife
It’s lonely out in space
On such a timeless flight
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
‘Till touch down brings me round again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I’m a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone
That about sums it up.
Oh, barf!
That’s “barf” to the Dave Mag, not your parody, Peabody 🙂
Any chance you or someone else could post a full copy of the magazine to mine for humor material and to see just how awful it is?
As soon as someone sends me one. I only have this image for now.
I, too, want a full copy.. thanks again, mike.
I’m thinking of a four letter word, rhymes with ‘runt’, begins with a ‘c’. Oh yes! CUNT
Completely offensive.
Oh, grow up!
Yep! That’s the word alright. And if it fits…USE IT!
They had this a decade ago, this is likely the revised and updated one. It’s a total puff piece. I’m sure anyone undergoing ethics handlings, especially if it’s because they went on the internet or watched TV is made to read this puff piece as a DA against the entheta out there.
David Miscavige is obsessed with his public image.
Well, at least, completely obsessed with himself
Bullies need to be very careful, especially little prick, Napolean’s. Sooner or later their Karma will come home to roost.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mz5_1CUJAmg
It has to seem really strange even for hard core kool-aid drinkers that there is no mention of, and not a single picture of, his wife Shelly Miscavige, in the entire magazine.
I’m pretty sure that would take the focus off of him…although, is there any mention of his relationships with anyone else? A picture and a story?
Or Sarah, Deb. His second wife that Hubbard never talked about.
I wasnt even aware Shelly Miscavige existed before reading about her on the internet and I grew up in the church…so i don’t think anyone’s going to mis her presence in his magazine….
Is this going to be a monthly magazine? I’ll bet reading it is compulsory. There’s probably a meter embedded in it somewhere that records the time it takes for the reader to finish reading the whole thing. The longer it takes, the more the meter ticks up (like in a cab) and the more the person owes for the privilege of reading about little big man.
The social betterment programs have touched the lives of billions!! Oooh Aaah. I retract any prior criticism.
OTD! Have you been drinking again?!
Comment disappeared when posted, will try again.
I can see in the future (smile) when DM’s portrait will hang alongside Ron’s and get the Hip, hip!
Deep, that’s too horrifying to contemplate:
LET’S GIVE THREE CHEERS FOR ME!
HIP HIP, HOORAY!
HIP HIP, HOORAY!
HIP HIP, HOORAY!
The very idea makes me shudder!
This post is the first one that made me want to instantly gag/vomit. I wish someone would do a REAL David Miscavige magazine with real information about his actual performance as Pope/dictator/demagogue.
I can see in the future (haha) how Davie’s portrait will be alongside Ron’s and they give the hip hip!!
Yep. I’m having problems with my hips too, Dee.
In North Korea, there’s still always Kim Il-Sung, the “founder” of the regime and Eternal Leader who can never be equaled, though his successors slowly arise from obscurity to assume increasingly exalted positions in the pantheon of leaders as they establish themselves in their own reigns. The patterns of totalitarian regimes are strikingly similar.
BARF
PUKE
I actually got stomach pains and nausea reading this. I will dance to the sky when he goes down!
Looks like The Sherminator has written himself out of a job. The many volume series about Ron’s life, his biography (mostly lies), and also the Davey mag. That was what Dan Sherman was hired to do. Now that Ron’s biography is out there, what will he do with his time? I hope DM lets him walk away with no strings.
I read it for the articles.
This is even a bigger joke than CultTV.
Utterly ridiculous!!!
Oh my God!!! I can’t stop puking!!! Somebody! Help me!
Wow, talking about ego!
But Scn’s reputation is sooooo bad that he needs to keep his blind followers under control with more indoctrination so they do not forget he is the leader and “all is well”.
His sense of power is assured if others keep pouring money that, eventually, will end in his shore accounts.
What a magazine!!! Here’s to an even hipper hip hoo-raayy!!!
At first glance I thought this was just a joke. Then I realized it was REAL. But, still a HUGE joke.
The biggest in the universe.
I hope the content of the Dave Mag drones on in exquisite detail all the jobs Dave does for Scientology. I’m thinking of certain court cases coming up. Dave usually throws out the “I’m just a figure head, I don’t give detailed orders, therefore no valid reason to depose me” tactic at the slightest possibility of of depositions.
The Dave Magazine – Exhibit A, your Honor.
Maybe Miscavige will do a CENTERFOLD, like Burt Reynolds did for Cosmopolitan magazine, in 1972 , , , LOL !
https://media.vanityfair.com/photos/563a62aeffe4c2a35a2a6d81/master/h_590,c_limit/burt-reynolds-martin-schoeller-04.jpg
Dave F.
Dave F! I can’t believe you would expose all these people to the naked dwarf! Do you not realize they will go blind!? I never knew this side of you…
He’ll be wearing nothing but a Deering Goodtime Banjo!
Whoa!! Haven’t seen that photo since it was posted on a bathroom door in my college dorm in 1970! Son of Schiklgruber (aka D Miscavige) would never look so good!!
I bet there were hair plug and Botox companies that wanted to buy advertising in the magazine.
I think they already did.
I’d rank Lil Davey’s magazine right up there with the Battlefield Earth movie because it’s so bad it’s funny!
“a religion… which has achieved an unprecedented level of expansion in the twenty-first century…”
This is technically true, too. It’s unprecedented to refer to negative growth as “expansion.”
[Trying this again. I’ve twice now (once a couple days ago and once just now) had a post just disappear instead of giving me the 5 minute window while awaiting moderation.]
Ditto
Ditto. But, I have no idea what you guys are talking about.
Me too. For the past several days.
Ditto, today. Must be the Holiday?
Same thing happened to me a couple of days ago. Ended up typing the comment twice. Eventually both comments showed up. Oh well, just a glitch I guess.
“a religion… which has achieved an unprecedented level of expansion in the twenty-first century…”
This is technically true, too. It’s unprecedented to refer to negative growth as a “level of expansion.”
I’m inclined to think that the magazine serves not only to boost David Miscavige’s ego but to inform Scientologists who probably don’t know much about him other than he’s the leader of Scientology. He rules every aspect of their life…but from a far distance for most. How many even know that he’s married?
It’s also possible that it’s a means to quench emerging doubts from some Scientologists about his general aloofness or media reports on him abusing Sea Org staff. Pure PR, for sure.
This gives me an idea for my daughter in law’s 40th birthday gift. Yes she will be sooooo embarrassed.
As to Miscavige, how many pages per magazine are devoted to “Miscavage delivers an ecclesiastical beating to [insert name of lucky parishioner here].”
Dave, I believe one can purchase a lordship for £25.
With an ego that big, the fall will horrific and magnificent! ☺️
No doubt there will be an accompanying mockumentary about him showing up on their TV channel soon. Probably already there. I can’t stomach watching to verify.
I just can’t wade thru the COS website: all the mind numbing drivel makes me crazy lol. But I totally agree with your assessment of the parallels between him and “rocket man”! ?
Umm who is holding the magazine? I was going to say that looks kind of like Shelly but you wouldn’t have missed that Mike.
Yes who is that smirking blonde reading this crapola?
I confess…it’s me.
OSD, put down the bong and pay attention.
Whoa! Someone is talking to me, but, I can’t see them! Trippy.
🙂
I wonder how much longer before he forces the last of the kool aid drinkers to call him Lord Miscavage? Emperor Miscavage? Grand Mighty Poobah. Mis..you get the picture.
Progenitor of Powerful Postulates, the Preening Pontificating Pompadour Petulantly Preens and Pouts…and Punches…
Oh, Excellent!! In fact, Perfect!
Briget,
I think he should be called “Lord Dark Helmet” ( from “Spaceballs” ) . . . LOL !
Dave F.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk7VWcuVOf0
He is so full of himself it is comical.
Does any other religion even do this? Even NEED to feel they have to hold their leader up like an Exhaulted Ruler?
What a fool.
He’s full of something alright.
And yet no mention of his wife…..curious…..
I thought that too
Shelly will spend her life there, up in Arrowhead. She’s a non-person now.
Mr. and Mrs. Miscavige have taken temporary and selfless vows of celibacy in order to further the aims of the Church of Scientology and insure that this sector of the guh-lax-ee is cleared. To do this, Mrs. Miscavige has secluded herself at an undisclosed location to oversee the preservation of the Founder’s Tech in H-Bomb proof vaults.
There is an unsubstantiated rumor that she has also directly in charge of the upbringing of a very precocious red-headed youngster who has a penchant for voluminous writing & story telling, bronc busting, wearing jaunty sailor suits and rolling his own fags. It is reported that she has been having difficulty raising this little fellow because of his ability to exteriorize at will with full perception. But, once the young man has matured and settled into his new ‘meat sack’ he will once again be able to take the reigns and run the Church while remaining in hiding because of some nagging difficulties with the US government from his previous life.
This is why there is never a mention of Shelly. Usually David can’t keep from waxing eloquent about her but his ecclesiastical duties keep him so busy single handing the unending flaps, Hill 10s, all-hands, legal issues, PR problems and floofed goofs that he choses to just carry on rather than discuss his 2D.
Once they are happily retired to an undisclosed tax haven there will no longer be a need for OSA. The place will quickly fall apart and FOOLproof will be left to turn the lights out as he continues to try and word clear (M9 of course) “lateral thinking”.
Ha ha ha, Ms. B!
And in the meantime when she pauses from these worthy endeavors, I hope Shelly is doing one of her hunky bodyguards and chilling with each. God I hope so. That would just kill the Dwarf, that he put her away and that she’s actually OK with it and enjoying life quite well without him, thank you! And it isn’t so far fetched, either. Think about it: what kind of a life did she have with this narcissistic creep anyway? Even if the marriage did last for decades, it had to be at its worst gruesome and at its best, boring. Of course, she would never have left him but might have longed to do so. I’m of a mind to believe she was done a favor. No matter WHAT she’s doing now, it HAS to be better than trailing after cranky Little Man every day with Band Aids and Mercurochrome.
Ms. B. Haven,
Since Foolproof is still on assignment I offered to stand in to defend him and SCIENTOLOGY.
Firstly and formostestly you have, obviously, a deep MU concerning you’re use of ‘logic'(tm). It is ‘literal logic’ as any in-tech and on-purpose scieno would know with certainty and total adherence to Ron’s tech. Since Ron said things in a literal sense, the literal logic flows literally logically. He said it literally and we follow it literally, not just in honoring Ron and his ominpotenceness but in creating a world without wog aberrations to muck up command intention. Which requires a single source and single obedience.
Speaking of Source, the ELSRDM (Ecclesiastical Leader of the Scientology Religion David Miscavige) is now, even as we write, drafting up a new SCIENTOLOGY dictionary to usher in a final breakthrough that is keeping SCIENTOLOGY expansion in the slow expansion rate of 47X. It will be made up (A) Solely of words used by Ron, (B) A single meaning only for each word and using only single-syllable words, (C) meanings words will also be only words used by Ron, (D) and ALL in caps and boldface Roman Roman type. Additionally a new EMeter will be introduced, the MARK-ZED, which will have audio programming to detect any non-Ron words used in an auditing session by the PC so that the auditor can immediately stop the auditing session and retrain the PC to use only Ron words in session. This will ensure that sessions are Triple-S(Standard Standard Standard).
Once the entire world’s population is grooved in to a single language, ‘Ron Speak'(TM), there will be no more misunderstandings and thus total communication world wide. That will be the end of problems and upsets, criminality and insanity, and disharmony in all of its forms planet wide. WE will have finally gotten the needed breakthrough to clear the planet. Thanks be to COB and his CI the red-headed-youngster can step into realllly hyuge boots !!! he left behind.
jim, were you and FOOLproof seperated at birth?
PS. I hope FOOL is back soon after he completes another set of ‘lowers’ to raise his ‘tone level’ higher than brain dead.
Mrs. B. ,
nah, I just practice others viewpoints and manners sometimes.
Hilarious jim!
Mike,
Another example of the desperation inside scientology. This weekend a distant relative from the USA west coast, and out 30+ years, told me of two calls from the cherch in the last month. Both callers stated they were from central files and had strange accents/voice patterns. Both demanded current information, refused to confirm that they were scienos, and both became accusative when he refused to give them any personal info. The second caller even stated: “Have you been watching entheta about us?” Sheeeesh! You can’t hide the crazy.
I just sometimes think for a moment what it must be like for the old staff, the born ins and the new recruits especially from foreign countries. I actually had a lot of freedoms and fun the 20 years of SO at least compared to the intense pressure these guys are under.
And the guys using TruthFinder or some skiptracing to find guys? What are they thinking doing this? Food, sleep, Sundays ?
Cece,
Off the top of my head: Truthfinder, Spokeo, Intellus, White Pages, Radaris Been Verified and scores of other internet search vehicles whereby for a small monthly fee pretty much anyone has the unlimited ability to locate anyone. It couldn’t be easier and in addition to addresses and phone numbers all kinds of other info comes up such as names of family members, social media used, former phone numbers, all emails a person has used, liens, judgements, marriages, divorces, arrests, bankruptcies – its all there.
I know this because last year I searched myself while applying to buy a place and it came up that I had declared bankruptcy in 1995. Not true! Someone else with my name. I freaked! Got it handled but it was very upsetting!
Point being, except for a person’s social security number, anyone’s life information is out there for anyone who wants it. Not that its that interesting, but if anyone wants my or your or anyone’s life information, all they’d need is full name, the state you live or once lived in, and approximate age. If you have a popular name the search has to be refined but a non-ordinary name i really a cinch.
This is how the cherch is locating people who left decades ago and calling them up. Its really, really easy..
“Have you been watching entheta about us?”
THIS, to someone who’s been gone for 30 years.
No words.
This is Great. Proof Positive the Rabid Runt Is feeling the pressure. There’s No one to laud his ‘accomplishments’; there’s No one to mourn his demise. There’s Nowhere to go from here, but Down. BON VOYAGE!!
Is there anything in the magazine about his temper tantrums? His hissy fits? His violence towards others? His obsessive need to micro manage? His total lack of empathy for his own father or family?
Those are just his ‘normal’ shortcomings…not even touching upon his sociopath behavior.
Oh My God! ?
“…how the mind of a mad dictator works” is right. He just HAS to try and jar the stupidity or evil out of all the people he is surrounded by (all scientoloists and humans everywhere) and just TELL us how great he is because we’re all too stupid or evil to see it.
I can’t imagine what it’s like to live in his head. Or maybe “live” is too much action word. I can’t imagine what it’s like to EXIST in his head.
We’re not curious about Scientology, we’re angry about it.
This is crazy. Can he be so delusional as to think this is going to work? Or is the magazine intended more as internal propaganda?
Mike – one question. How can we help Scientologists? How can we help people get out? There’s an org in my city, and although the place always seems to be empty, I know there must be people in my area who are trapped. How can the average person out there help to stop all of this?
Go to the Aftermath Foundation website.
Would that be, http://www.aftermathfoundation.com?
It looks like it’s http://theaftermathfoundation.org/
Thanks, Mark.
The sound you hear is my retching.
Perfect bird cage or cat pan liners. Face up, of course.
I can see it happening now.
The Sheeple will be forced to buy hundreds of them so they can be sent to governments, opinion leaders, celebrities, etc….To counter all His and Scientology’s PUTRID PR…. To “Get The Truth Out There About COB”. and to “Dead Agent” all that He suspects is coming out about Him in the next Aftermath.
Of course, this new PR strategem will flop hugely, but it will keep the die hard koolaid drinkers and a few whales loyal and somewhat calmer for a while because now they’ll have a Dave Mag to hand anyone who’s critical.
See?
” No need to think. Thinking is BAD. And research to get the correct data is UNSPEAKABLYand UNFORGIVABLY BAD not to mention FOOLISH as it will end up costing you PLENTY on your next Sec Check! Conversations with wogs about Scientology and David Miscavige are BAD and a complete waste of time and ultimately very expensive to you when you have to get handled on entheta and enemy line! So here’s your handy-dandy, pre-fab solution, which won’t involve ANY communication, a subject on which we are the expersts, of course. But here’s what you do. DON’T talk. Smile and say, “Read this. Here is the true data about David Miscavige” . Just let the critic read this and ALLthe true data is RIGHT HERE, and it will handle EVERYTHING”
“The Wrong Thing To Do Is Nothing”, LRH.
Well, the Little Dutch Boy said the same thing., so I get it, Dwarf.
Make sure your little fingers don’t get too cold plugging up all these holes that keep bursting in the dikes
Don’t forget, you’re entering the arthritis stage of your life – Sir.
I don’t think my cat would even pee on that, tbh.
🙂 disco.