Fortunately, someone from the church sends me a “good news” email (from [email protected]) to keep me abreast of the latest stories released by scientology.
The latest is worthy of comment for a few reasons.
Here it is, the big news from Tokyo….
First thought. Chairman of the Pompadour is looking more and more like Bob Duggan and that hair is becoming almost Don King-like. It seems to have taken on a life of its own…
Second, “Epic Summer” is a bit weak. Epic has been so over-used now to describe everything from the next graduation you must attend to the last CF filing party. I think it is time to bring in supercalifragilisticexpialidocious to really portray the magnitude of magnificence being unleashed upon the world.
Third, a “glorious new era lifts off in the Land of the Rising Sun with auspicious ribbon-cutting…” Seriously? This reads like a headline from The Onion — if they set out to satirize pompous assholes trying to sound “Japanese.” Auspicious? Good god. Probably no Japanese person other than KoolAid drinkers will ever read these words, so we will never know how insulting this may be. Sure sounds that way to me.
Fourth, my prediction is coming true. The last three ideal orgs (in fact the ONLY three ideal orgs) opened in this epic summer of idealiness are NOT locally funded. Miscavige is now subsidizing these buildings because he has run out of orgs that can and will raise the money locally. For proof, see Valley. Increasingly an embarrassment and in your face evidence that this program has run its course and that every whale has been sucked dry.
Fifth, in what is arguably the largest city on earth, and the ONLY org in this entire nation that is only half the size of Texas, ANNOUNCING the pretended attendance as “more than a thousand” (in scientology-math that means 300-400) has got to be embarrassing. The crowds are just not showing up any more. Remember the glory day in 1993 when you stood before 10,000 in the LA Sports Arena and announced “The War Is Over”? It’s been a long, slow downhill run since then.
Sixth, this “ambitious breakthrough” comes during a “period of unprecedented innovation”? Innovation? When was that ever a term that was acceptable to use in the religion of KSW where nobody is allowed to innovate anything. At all. Ever.
There is a lot to be read in these tea leaves. The full story is available at the scientology.org website.
UPDATE:
One of our readers pointed out the obvious difference between the podium shot they put on the website and the reality that appeared on Tony Ortega’s blog reporting on this event a couple of days ago:
Clearly photoshop gremlins have been at work, because scientology does not use photoshop on ribbon yanking ceremonies. They have said so many times. Or it could just be a staged shot, they brought in a special podium for the photo op that was too big to fit on the tiny stage and COP did not want the indignity of being portrayed as standing behind a less than ideal podium. Oh, the shame, the shame.
I can hear Carly Simon singing “You’re So Vain” in the background….
I hope that Scientology can help sort out the problems with language that these Japanese people are having:
http://www.solitarytrees.net/racism/japan.htm
I love it…”Mr.” David Miscavige.
The fearless leader is looking more and more like Liberace these days.
wow, the podium is even different in the photos….those gosh darn photoshop gremlins never think about continuity!
Just imagine how they would spell supercali… They would make an acronymn: SCF!!!!! SCF ML!!! SCF ARC!!!!
SCFYSCOHBCICSML
LOL! 🙂
>OSA <ARC
Methinks the petite chairman of the board (I think that’s the board he’s standing behind) has gotten plastic surgery. He looks younger (and I thought the body was just a trap. Why is he so in love with his?).
And to answer you, Surfer, Godzilla got declared by OSA Japan for creating havoc. They had to scream “HCO bring order” and they just walked poor ‘Zill out the door. =)
The CO$ is now basically a malignant tumor metastasizing to wherever dupes reside. “Facts do
not cease to exist because they are ignored.” Aldous Huxley
Oldest Whore In The World Tour hits Tokyo and boy does she put on a classy-as-shit show! The church decided against this photo-shopped picture and went with the other! LOL!
The photoshopping of an “Ideal Podium” into the picture is a reflection of the unchecked narcissism of Miscavige, and of his increasing reliance upon symbols of importance to prop up his rapidly deteriorating image.
But Tom said he never met a more compassionate leader.
COP is looing like Alby Grant one of the polygamous cult leaders on the HBO Series Big Love.
But his hair looks even more like a FLDS (Fundamental Latter Day Saints) females do.
https://selfishseamstress.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/screen-shot-2011-09-05-at-13-23-58.png?w=490&h=324
Loved that show.
BTW, check out the first guy on Miscarriages left ……………. looking down and checking out his 12″ platform shoes!
Caption should read ” holy shit, that guy really is short!”
I believe I can claim first shoop on that podium:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/marksshoops/20411892545/in/dateposted-public/
Please get this posted everywhere – funniest shoop EVER!!
This is all very hilarious to us, but COP can just keep opening buildings in countries that don’t have PTAD (Post Traumatic Adjective Disorder) so he can still get a lot of mileage out of “epic”.
Although I’m with you on bringing in “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.” They won’t know one way or the other what it means and it sounds so frigging stupendous!!
That is the fakest human being smile I have ever seen. To know that man (I use that term loosely) is to know he’s the most disingenuous asshole to ever draw breath. A smile from Adolf Hitler or Pol Pot would fit into the same category.
The organisations he stole are withering as the human drought continues to worsen for scientology. Pretty soon it’ll be just be a choreographed script – perhaps that’s why he’s interested in more media production facilities – the virtual world of scientology is the only future they have. Easier to lie that way. Scientology has never really been anywhere else than in your head when you think about it.
Mike, if you had a stat of “Number of laughs per line” I think you would be in Affluence on this blog post – maybe a highest ever. Very funny satire!
I agree! I say Mike is getting funnier and funnier in that scathing dry style we all love.
Give the devil his due. David Miscavige manages to get money out of people enough to keep the circus going, that’s very difficult to do in the age of the Internet.
Yes, nobody in Japan is buying this shit any more than anyone else is, the few surviving whales are not yet tapped out, but it takes special EPIC dedication to keep hammering a wealthy rube who is without a doubt bneing informed by his accountants to stop. handing. that. fucker. your money! on a daily basis.
So many pieces of this puzzle of
the COB in Tokyo do not work.
If he wore a Kimono, had white face paint
a huge black Geisha wig with cop sticks in it.
That would make headlines and draw a huge crowd
Did he mean “the chairman of board of the Ludicrous Center”?
私は私の体のthetansがあなたの栄光のサイエントロジーの働きにより除去していて嬉しいことはどうもありがとうございました — The one Japanese person who actually attended this wankfest.
Although I took Japanese in college, it’s been awhile, but, I’ll take a shot at it.
Ok. This guys is a true believer! He says: “I just can’t believe I have all of these Goddamn body thetans attached to me when COB is here. This is soooo embarrassing! And now my ex-girlfriend is telling me I’m a Cult Head! My Mom and Dad have just about disowned me all because I joined scientology! And, for fuck sakes, staff pay is shit! I have to live with 10 other staff members in order to have a roof over my head! I don’t know what the hell I was thinking when I got involved with the most ethical people on the planet! After Going Clear hit Japan, everyone, AND I MEAN EVERYONE saw it! Now, when I’m body routing, all the pubic want to talk about is that damn documentary! Even my parents saw it! Maybe all the things my Wog friends said to me ARE true! Shit, I should leave right now and eat sushi and drink a couple of Asahi Dry beers. I’d probably get more case gain out of that than staying in this cult.
And so Hiro Azumi left the cult for good. His parents welcomed him back and even his girlfriend came back to him. The moral of the story: NEVER FUCKING JOIN SCIENTOLOGY.
The end…
“…and that every whale has been sucked dry.”
If anyone can suck all the sperm out of sperm whales, it’s David Miscavige.
LAUGHTER!!! Wish I’d thought of that…
“…Probably no Japanese person other than KoolAid drinkers will ever read these words,…”
In fact increasingly the Scientology crime syndicate is unable to find suckers, rubes and marks that speak English, if you look at the surviving customers they are all from countries with little or zero Internet access, countries where people have some money yet the infrastructure which affords private and immediate access to the Internet is low.
What we need to do is locate the countries where these insane criminals are still able to rook and swindle people, get web sites and web pages that expose the criminal enterprise in the languages where those people reside, make an effort to inoculate non-English speaking people, cut the money source off from David and the rest of the crooks at the source.
The poor Japanese, their Karma 8/8/1945, did COB choose this day to get back at them also, if so they are so forgiven. Now about our Karma…
Yep, our Karma indeed…
We have a mole from within as well Mike and we were told the IAS bought the Tokyo Ideal Org.
That would make sense. Must “keep the show on the road” for the celebrities and whales. Their needles float and they have VGI’s and will give more $$$$$$ when they feel not alone.
This is Scientology – the science of propaganda. Standard Tech applied! It Keeps Scientology Working.
The podium isn’t even the same. If you look at the pic of Miscavige on this flyer and the one on the Underground bunker, there are clearly 2 different podiums.
You are absolutely correct. In fact, I have added this to the post.
Clearly photoshop gremlins have been at work, because scientology does not use photoshop on ribbon yanking ceremonies. They have said so how many times?
Photoshop gremlins don’t exist, so you must have done it yourself Mike. You damn SP. 🙂
Oh, heck no, TrevAnon! I own a photoshop gremlin! Cute little guy! He’s actually taller than the pathetic dwarf. I saw my little gremlin bite the shit out of COP’s ankle once…
Mike, let me be the first one to say that this post is epically supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Also, people….be careful going onto the scientology website. They will capture your info and do god knows what with it. My suggestion…find a browser like ‘TOR’ or ‘HIDEMYASS’ which will hide protect you. Peace, LK
Of course you CAN say it backwards which is dociousaliexpiisticfragicalirupus, but that would be going a little too far, don’t you think?
UNPRECEDENTED innovation . . . by Sores.
Liberace…but not as tall.
ROFL! Hey, Liberace wore it well. Liberace was *epic*, dare I say? (Yes I dare!)
David just looks like an ass.
Fredric, let me finish your post, if I may. David looks like a petulant, little ASSHOLE. Someone you’d like to kick the shit out of!
Thanks, Fredric…
Good for a laugh over coffee this morning. Another “epic future”… it so reads like another epic failure.
Thanks for that … I laughed my f’ing ass off.
Okay, in this scene we’ll have the actor playing David Miscavige holding a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other, a lampshade is on his head and he’s sitting on the floor rehearsing his speech: ” blah blah blah…WE HAVE ARRIVED AT OUR DEST-KNEE, burp”.
I would pay good money to see that Roger! And, of course, I’d film the whole thing and then upload it to youtube and the world do the rest.
I’ve said it before but how I wish that Pacino were young enough to play him. Pacino would rock that part and get another Oscar for his collection.
Absolutely no bout a doubt it! One of my favorite actors! From the Godfather to now.
DeNiro could have done it real well also but he’s too tall.
unprecedentedly unprecedented unprecedentedness of global planetary epicness
Pretentious pompadourial presence parading as a pope.
Nope! Not a pope. He’s parading as the real deal …a Prick!
Gosh, that’s a lot of ‘uns.’ This must be incredibly, inconsistently, incomprehensibly important!
Bearing the hallmark of help??? Provide the technology with unrestrained dedication and determinism???
Miscavige’s hallmark of help does indeed touch families and friends. And there are many who have felt that inverted form of help with family and friends. What is Miscavige’s form of help? Ask that PC he slapped in session. And he does indeed show unrestrained dedication and determinism by having video equipment in each auditing room (to view at his slightest whim), using data from PC folders to attack and control, C/Sing folders with no C/S training resulting in the death of the PC (Lisa McPherson), not currently offering the BC and VIII courses and of course his crowning technical achievement…the 3 swing FN.
Dave takes ‘tough love’ to an unprecedented epic level.
Well, Michael, he REALLY is tough to love…
“Innovation? When was that ever a term that was acceptable to use in the religion of KSW where nobody is allowed to innovate anything. At all. Ever.”
LOL, so true. However, the Dwarf is going to have to start “innovating” some new “OT levels”. And soon, if he is to make good on El Con’s lies. Otherwise it all ends within a year or so…
I actually can’t wait to see what he comes up with. He does have the original OT levels IV-VII to work with.
Not many sheeple still around to remember them or have done them. With his technical expertise I’m sure he can rehash those levels to his satisfaction and cover his ass another couple of years.
Potpie, I don’t think that he will rehash the original levels. Still too many people around who know them. Plus, they would be posted on the net to compare. There are early published books that hint at being “upper level”. Safer to do something with those. That’s probably what El Con would have done if he had lived longer. It’s called Pull it out of your butt Tech.
Crap! That long, John? Can’t we speed things up a bit?
OSD don’t go tryin’ to break Newton’s 1st Law of Motion or you’ll get a cosmic traffic ticket. 😉
Well…I guess that’s better than Kirstie Ally showing up!
Goddamnit! We will have to have an interim party at OSDs house. Two frickin years is to long ….although I must admit, every day is a real hoot reading this blog and knowing His Assholeness is twisting in the wind!
My wife and I hosted an SP party in August several years ago. We have a big back yard and 420 sq ft deck. That deck is waiting for another party, Coop. We’ll make it pot luck and have a great time!
I wonder if that picture was photoshopped……..from what I saw on Tony’s blog, the stage was very small (condensed if you will….like most things in Toyko where space is at a premium).
I did not see any photos where COB was alone on that stage…….in fact, I hope those Japanese BTs did not jump into COP’s hairdo…..those dignitaries were so close to COB!!!!
I wonder if there is going to be some sort of bi+ch slapping going on…….the established couples at COB High School are COB & TC and Duggan & Cardone……..
Will TC and Cardone be pushed to the side now that their best buddies have found bester buddies?
yeah, i thought that too….in the pix on Tony’s blog the podium was to the left of the stage (our, the viewer’s left) and i thought it odd they didn’t center it….and when COP was at the podium, there was indeed 4 or 5 others up there….
At least he’s taller than the Japanese…
I just don’t have a yen for this.
How about a ‘ying’ or a ‘yang,’ Michael?
Great deconstucting, Mike. Everything is so friggin Epic.
I searched Scientology Tokyo on google news and there was 1 hit – a church press release.
When will they realize that His Epicness has no clothers?
No! No no no! PLEASE do not put the image of David Miscavige without clothes in to my head! Ha ha ha.
I have to agree with Fredric. There’s a very good chance that if we saw DAVID “LET HIM DIE – PROVABLE BULLSHIT” MISCAVIAGE naked, we will go blind and insane…
As soon as I saw the picture of Miscavige I thought immediately that he was trying to look like Bob Duggan. I little Bob Duggan “mini me”. I could imagine Dave saying to TC, “Tom, I was thinking of puffing up my hair with a cute curl in the front and maybe adding a little blond. What do you think?”
Maybe Bob is his new BFF?
What…his Best Fiend Forever?
Christ, Matt! You gotta warn me when you post stuff like that! I just puked in my coffee…
Is that his real hair? It looks fake. Then again, so does everything else about him.
I was wondering the same thing! And clearly he has been hitting the Botox hard!
Yes! His face is completely frozen!
Wheresshelly, Everything about COP is fake. I know you think he’s 5’5″ but he’s really 4’9″. Remember, you never see his shoes when he’s at the podium…
Re: COP: Hair, Glorious Hair…
It could be due to a hair follicle transplant, the new way to transplant hair from the old cut and strip method. It gives very natural results and fills in the hairline nicely. I know a surgeon who does this work and only a few can do it right now. It is very expensive. He told me that pretty much all of the people you see on TV/film with full hairlines have had some of this work done and that 30% of his clients are women. It’s popular for people who work on camera because of the lighting, which will shine on areas of thinning or bald spots and will highlight a sparse hairline.
Misercavige’s hairline is pretty dense for a man his age. It’s not just hair powder filling in the space either, although it could have been applied with his make-up. Sorry to go off on a tangent about freakin hair!
It’s just interesting how it’s important to this guy to look younger. I’ll bet he day-dreams that he’s a movie star too.
Some men have thick hair and it doesn’t fall out in even their advanced senior years. A man I know recently passed away at the age of 98 with a full head of thick silvery-white hair, which is his youth was black. That being said, I doubt that Miscavige is in this group.
More likely his hairline is receding in wings on either side of his head and he puffs it up to camouflage this. Also his face is way too smooth and unlined with none of the cragginess of a 55 year old man. Well, I guess He thinks that cragginess wouldn’t work for him, as it has for Clint Eastwood or Harrison Ford. I suppose He and Big Being #3 want to be true to their teenybopper-type good looks – TC with his facelifts, jaw implants and the tousled bangs over his forehead, and newly blond Monsieur Pompadour with botox. In a few years he’ll undoubtedly get his eyes done and a necklift, if not an outright full face lift.
Both of these men are doomed to constant weight watching and facial corrections, because the natural weight gain, hair line recession and facial cragginess that does not detract from the attractiveness of most older men would make these two look like aging little boys.
And you know what? After writing all this I realized that these two are little men not because of their physical height but because of their meanness, their selfishness, because of the corruption in their souls.
I’ve had the privilege of knowing and associating with some very short men but I never thought of them that way, i.e., as little men, because they were giants of mind, brains and heart. These men – and one of them was my own uncle – cared for people, they had real power and strength, the kind that comes from loving kindness and genuine caring. They walked the walk. Physically quite short but no one cared; they were loved, trusted, respected, depended upon. They were giants.
Sorry! End of rant.
But I know for sure that he doesn’t have Hemorrhoids Pepper.. Because
He is a PERFECT Asshole.
Ya know, his hairline is lower on his forehead than it was when I used to play volleyball with him 30+ years ago. Not kidding.
I refuse to make fun of his hair. Being follicly challenged, I’d be willing to do almost anything for that head of hair. Maybe even join a cult.
Yep, I was in the Cult of the Hair for quite awhile, MK. They kicked me out because, at 63 I still had a full head of blonde hair. And the gal that cuts it says it’s getting thicker as I get older.
Hey, there’s always Hair Club for men!
Thanks Pepper, I didn’t know any of that!
Nice rant, Aquamarine, and so true!
Baby–hahahaha!
I need to take back what I said about the possible hair transplant. I think it’s unlikely because I just received the latest IAS Impuke magazine.
The cover photo of The Miser shows a high, receded hairline in all its glory. The hair is teased and sprayed a la the 1980’s. A nice side angle of the Marge Simpson-like look minus the blue.
I compare it to his look at the Madrid opening 10 years ago, where he wears a side part and the hair lies flat. It’s darker then too. This photo is on Tony O’s.
Just can’t get off the hair today, done now.
Kim Jong Il is a body thetan attached to his scalp?
And you know that half of the 300-400 showed up because they thought Cruise or Travolta would be there.
The Japanese love their Hollywood movie stars
I thought Godzilla would make an appearance…
Kirstie Alley had other obligations that day.
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whew! Now that’s some funny shit, Fredric! Real funny…
I came into scio during the mid 60s, one of the boom periods. Now I get to watch “the rest of the story” as organized scio sinks more and more rapidly into oblivion. And good riddance to it.
Mr. Gman, you may be one of the few here that has been around long enough to remember Otto Roos. I wanted to connect the dots for the nubes. The moment Otto didn’t get ink, he began to disappear. Today’s Otto has gained some power and held on to his grade 4 case, and yes he will do himself in. IMO the less ink, the sooner he disappears.
You are the first person I’ve seen use the term scio in years, it’s good to know I’m not alone in my antiquity. I do hope all is to your liking, perhaps we’ll find another point of agreement. Henry
Howdy, Henry. I don’t think you’ll get your wish for “less ink” since this blog, Tony Ortega’s “Bunker” and countless other sites are and will be active for a long time to come. My hope is that, sooner or later, various gubmint organizations will finally start doing their jobs and put some serious holes in the Bubble. I won’t, however, hold my breath. In the meantime, the burgeoning “bad news” which so many are spreading worldwide, will continue to cut down on the inflow of newbies into the Bubble. One can hope. 🙂