Someone commented last week that this would be the 100th edition of Thursday Funnies…. And I think that is correct based on the numbering of the link. \
Quite a centenary. And we have a lot of funnies for today.
It must be noted that these weekly funnies would not be possible without the support of many who forward the information to me each week.
Tampa Has No Speakers
How bizarre – this org is nearly “double SH Size” and they don’t have anyone to deliver a Tone Scale lecture other than importing a mercenary blood sucker.
More strange quotes…
Many scientologists seem unable to get along with anyone other than another scientologist. Perhaps they just left scientologists off the end.
The Golden Age of Dissemination
Massive fail. No dissemination is forthcoming. But we can still fundraise for it! Wonder what the next “Golden Age” will be? The Golden Age of Fair Game? The Golden Age of Black PR — that has a nice ring to it…
Under construction?
Wishful thinking. They haven’t raised enough money yet to buy the paper for their “construction documents” to be printed on.
How special is this…
We are going to show you yet again the magnificent opening of Atlanta. OMG. Gagging with a spoon.
The Non-Interference Zone
That used to be a thing back before money was THE thing. She is a Power Completion and instead of going on to Clearing, she did the Purif over again….
Power of One?
One what? Empress of the Vast Valley Territory? MazeRunner? Seriously, they need MORE money again? They announced they were DONE with their fundraising and had a party about a year ago.
Battling Creek
Look — they are having a Moneywinds Tour to enter the “Dimension of OT” – maybe it is one of those english phone boxes?
You Don’t Want To Miss This
No longer an OT Dimension now it is “Overnight Expansion”
Darn It
No longer OT Dimension or Overnight Expansion. Now it’s a reshowing of the old Atlanta Opening. Battling Creek gets the shaft yet again.
Imagine, fried chicken….
…and some down home fundraising. What fun.
It’s going to BLOW AWAY anything you’ve ever seen in the past…
And COB isn’t even going to be there. Boy, will he be pissed when he finds out they have topped his events
She is ALL IN
The heat must be on Vicki Shantz. She has become chief fundraiser.
Oh, maybe he is THE ONE?
Whale.
11X power FSM. That should tell you something. Hold onto your wallets when she walks into a room….
Texas Two Step
It’s sure to be Texas Size. As in Texas Scientology Size. As in teeny. But at least everyone now knows where to go.
The Miami OTC Chairman has spoken
The pleas for filing help are so similar to the pleas for money. I think they just copy and paste the text.
Some fine math
These quotes are really goofy.
Bit confusing what exactly is going on
A live seminar on conquering could be interesting. Wonder if they are going to have real swords and arrows and stuff.
Follow the yellow brick epic milestone
But one thing is true, there IS no place like their ideal org.
Truth in advertising…
This is true. No other organization has collected so much money for so many unnecessary and empty buildings in all the history of the universe. It’s trul epic.
Leading the way to…
Who knows? Hey eagle eye, have you noticed Chicago, Detroit, Philly, New Haven, Columbus, Long Island, Boston lately. Or how about the empty New York ideal org right under your nose?
Old white guys tell you how to succeed
This looks especially boring. And I am an old white guy….
The time is ALWAYS now
Ever seen one of these things that says you could give your money next week or month?
Bob Duggan repaying Africa?
They collected $280,000 and someone gave them $2.2 million. There is nobody in Africa that is going to turn over that sort of money. They declared them all.
The time is NOW
Of course. They are about to open an “ideal AO” even though they cannot complete the Toronto ideal org and they didn’t even have to buy a building.
Utter confidence
That’s a bold claim. They will actually teach you to run away and hide if anyone asks “antagonistic” questions.
Bring your own pencil and paper
AND pay $10 – to hear this ex-SO member lecture you
They are ALL epic
Scots Humor
Celebrate all things Scots with Italian Style and it will be a night to remember on the Whole Track. But only OT VIII’s will be able to remember it apparently.
Woohooo — we have the date
Every year they do the same event. It is always in October. And always on Friday. And every year they leave it until 4 weeks before to tell everyone what day it is on….
Another old white man
He’s going to “see you about your upcoming OT levels!”
Food, glorious food
Just to celebrate the 100. Random meatballs, fruit and mashed potatoes. This apparently is a “Leftover Night” theme…
This is a record?
Las Vegas has been “ideal” for years and their big, unreal target is to get 42 students on course. Wow.
He (or she) Who Shall Not Be Named
They are stealing the old COB trick for Friday Graduation…
Is it just me, or is the Photoshopping on the Atlanta flier so bad that it just jumps off the page at you??
Thanks for 100th funnies.
It is like having a front seat where you see with your own eyes how this confused cult is imploding. It makes reconnecting with loved ones still in more real.
50+50+50 = 100?
“Thrilling jousting”? I’m guessing it’s the regges using lances to remove wallets and purses.
All the rest of stuff just induces a giant, “SSSIIIGGGHHH!!!(what the heck, it’s monumental)!!!!!
Wow! Congrats on #100! The things I learn… Texas is a country, we Scots apparently enjoy Italian food (and money), yes indeedy that Atlanta Ideal Org is by all accounts open folks! I’m with Nolagirl, the pretence is dropping, the pigs lipstick is smeared, just give us your money, that’s the “power” that’s the one.
I’m surprised they can afford to hire the Caledonian. Unless it’s not the hotel, but a dingy wee B&B of the same name!
IKR, loved my stays at the “Callie” but not cheap.
Well, one thing, if serious researchers take some note of these ads posted, Chris Wrightsman used to be the Qual Aide Flag Bureaux way back in the late 1970s. And Bob Anderson, his brother Ron Anderson was MAA Flag Service Org, and Ron’s wife Sue Anderson was LRH PPRO or something like that, way back in the late 1970s at Flag Clearwater also.
I wish the old Apollo vets would write their full histories of their times aboard the Apollo with LRH, etc.
Scientology’s ancient ex Sea Org, and still existing Sea Org members who are 40 years plus veterans I wish they’d get interviewed and share some of their history.
Thank you for your daily posts, Mike.
That fund raising item for Joburg reminded me of the existence of the South African Back in Comm website, which simply stopped being updated more than a year ago, they used to provide some interesting insights into what was happening in that part of the world, anyone know what happened to them?
Thank you Mike for the 100 funnies, I definitely need them.
Off topic. I was interested in eastern philosophy before my involvement in Scientology and after. Does anyone know how Buddhist masters (e.g. Dalai Lama) view Scientology?
It should be noted that posts relating to iDeal Silicon Valley are not about contributing to the Silicon Valley Ideal Org. iDeal Silicon Valley is the app necessary to clearing the valley and beyond by leveraging 21st century technology. It will be compatible with iOS, Android and Microsoft phones and will enable anyone to spread Theta messages through Bluetooth, IMS, email and all messaging services. It will also notify people regarding the latest scientology events and allow them to make single click contributions to multiple fundraisers by a simple swipe of their finger.
This app will make the Valley the centre of planetary clearing following in the tradition of Silicon Valley being the centre of all technological advances. Your donations are essential to the development of this app and so to planetary clearing within our lifetimes!
Dear Mike,
Your “Thursday Funnies” are very good; you outdid yourself with the 99th installment.
Re: The Golden Age of Dissemination
I like that: “The Golden Age of Fair Game.” It has a nice ring to it. Perhaps we can play Reverse Fair Game and undo some of the damage that scientology has done. As far as that event at Las Vegas is concerned, I smell fund raiser. The only BBQ I can imagine would be the LV (or SMP) Registrar turning the rotisserie with their public as the main meal.
Re: Under construction?
Hasn’t anyone from Albuquerque read your blog? If they did, they would remember the hat write-up you posted (exposed) a while back regarding fund raising techniques. An event at that org with “decorations, skits, live entertainment and games” sounds, sadly, like a fund raiser.
Re: How special is this…
How can the Valley Ideal Org announce its staff when their doors aren’t even open or without construction being completed? Just when did scientologists blindly accept the fact that they are nothing more than something for scientology to bleed? Since when does the scientologist cough up the money needed for the org they’re to study or audit in? The only reason that the event is for “all L.A. Area Orgs & Missions” is that they need your money; all of it.
Re: The Non-Interference Zone
It’s the Non-Interference Zone that kept me off-lines. Instead of forking out gobs of money as I moved up through Clear and the OT Levels, I sat on the side lines, watching my friends and co-workers go up the Bridge instead. I’ve never been able to make the kind of money a scientologist is supposed to make. I benefited greatly from that; thanks, LRH, for the “Zone”!
Re: Darn It
Hey, Battle Creek! Make up your mind! Exactly which wallet should I bring for this version of fleecing the flock? Did you notice how out of ARC the PES, Tim Jones, got? At the end of the second flier, he signed it “Much Love,” but by the third flier, “Truly” is all he could afford. Wah!
Re: Bit confusing what exactly is going on
Gee, couldn’t we have that live event in the UK at one o’clock in the morning?
Re: Follow the yellow brick epic milestone
Oh, no! The Wizards of Kause are descending on Kansas!
Re: Leading the way to…
How are the Eastus Eagles leading the way? Shouldn’t the word “certain” in the flier be “certainty”? Likewise, shouldn’t “intent” be “intention”?
Re: Old white guys tell you how to succeed
Upcoming Seminar-Orange County Org: Heaven or Hell? What is the truth? Who are you? Whom am I? What’s going on?
Re: It’s going to BLOW AWAY anything you’ve ever seen in the past
Dear George,
Did you know what your lovely so-called “church” did during those four Maiden Voyage events in Los Angeles that began last June 25? They removed this critic and protester from those proceedings by filing a bogus Temporary Restraining Order, thus opening the door for people like you to be fleeced. Do you like being an American with First Amendment rights? Scientology doesn’t. Don’t be fooled: the Command target of your “church” is suppression.
ML,
Fred G. Haseney
Former scientologist, 1977-2014
I was very happy to be reminded that Sat.. 17th of Sept. is Auditor’s Day! This year’s slogan, “PC’s are many, auditors are few”.
Well, the last part of that couldn’t be any more true! I’d love to learn exactly how many actual practicing auditors there are in the world these days and what their total number of well done auditing hours actually was.
I’ll bet my life savings that those crucial stats, which measure progress toward planetary clearing, will not be mentioned. You’d think that with all the hype about 10X this and 43X that someone would insist that the real stats be made public.
After all, if all the money being raised to expand $cn is just being used to buy more Kool-Aid and not to actually make more auditors, then don’t the individuals who’ve worked long and hard to make that goal a reality have every right to know what effect all their work and cash donations has had in accomplishing it?
It seems more than obvious to me that they do. Indeed, I’d say that if they’re truly dedicated to KSW, then they have, not just the right, but the obligation to see the books and get the real figures there.
“Wonder what the next “Golden Age” will be? The Golden Age of Fair Game? The Golden Age of Black PR — that has a nice ring to it…”
For all of us with the irrepressible urge to Joke & Degrade when it comes to all things $cn, the endless succession of all these rapidly cycling Golden Ages just serves to remind us that, whatever fancy new name that the $cilons might wish to use, it’s always going to be “The Golden SHOWER Age of whatever to us 😉
“Winning in Life using the Tone Scale”?
Think about “Trust” being at the Top of the Tone Scale.
Now – think of how you TRUSTED the IAS and other vulture Registrar’s and Crush Regges….as you got bamboozled out of your entire IRA, Stock Portfolio, Savings and Checking Accounts and lets not leave out the Credit Card Debt and Refinancing of Mortgages….
Still think “Trust” is a high tone level ??
What does Scientology do again exactly? I’m a little confused. One of the flyers stated, “I reached the EP for myself…” Well… OK… has anyone ever reached one for you or stated you have reached one? You are implying that.
I know!!! Michael Chan can answer that for her, even though she didn’t ask. He’s really good at answering questions that no-one every asks and then he gets to take their money. It’s one of my secret goals in life to be in the same room alone with that guy and play TRs. It may take a little time to get through bullbait though but it’ll be fun, just like the spirit of play, that’s me all the way with Scientology!
Scientology – the only game where everyone ends up worse than when they started!
Another way of looking at the same thing is Miscavige has created his own little universe with Scientology where he feels most comfortable playing. His minions prove it in every flyer.
“With training you learn to get along with others.”-LRH
So backwardly true, when “others” are exclusively scientologists.
Training teaches you to be bombastic, nurturing arrogance to new levels previously unknown to humanity.
In other words, training teaches you to “think” and be – like LRH.
(“thinking” that you are thinking for yourself)
100 Thursday Funnies!!! I give thanks to all involved and especially those who forward flyers and emails. Your work is truly funny, and sad, how very sad.
I have come to believe that ‘special briefings’ involve taking the audiences briefs and holding them hostage until some imaginary fund raising goal is met. And remember, the ‘regs’ get 10% off the top.
I expect that the HAPI ‘Italian food night’ is a pot of over boiled spaghetti with ketchup as a ‘flavoring’. How Scottish is that?
Love your comment. That dish would be classified as definitely Scientology Scottish Stew.Cost you plenty but sorry not filling!❤️
Were you to spend much time in Glasgow I’m sure you could find that very recipe.
Maggi Hirst’s Purif win almost made me want to book a flight to Seattle org so I could have some of what she’s smoking. How can you not be envious? For the first time EVER she has use of her “full perceptics” plus she can move through physical cycles without having to MAKE herself go! She can move without her body and com cycles are a lot easier!
However, I dropped the idea of buying that plane ticket as soon as I realized her ‘win’ sounded identical to the win I have every morning after a cup of coffee. You know what I mean. And the ‘processing’ that produces my win is a lot more affordable than the Purif.
50 % auditing 50% training 50% doing.
I see Scientology has hired my Tax accountant.
On the bright side you can fritter away the remaining 50% day dreaming
Didn’t Hubbard say tax men were evil SPs?
Jose, you are a worry with the company you keep. Stick to the 100% daydreams and make lots of little friends, safer that way..
Handling hostility? Have you tried telling the truth?
I’m picking up that the Auditor’s Day Event is no more. I guess its hard to celebrate auditors when the cult is no longer making any, so the first weekend in September is now the time slot for all non-Ideal Morgues to have “totally full-on”, “totally fun” sheep shearings. “Bring your Spirit of Play”. Imagine the chills running down the spines of the sheeple reading THAT. I cringed, and I’ve been out for years. We knew all too well what that meant – be prepared to come up with SERIOUS money. Oh, and they’ll be showing more re-runs of the “unforgettable” opening of Atlanta’s Ideal M. Well, it is unforgettable. The reason its unforgettable is because the cult won’t let anyone forget it.
Congrats on 100 Thursday Funnies. I think Nolagirl is right. The (de)evolution will be interesting to see. Here’s to as many people as possible that will be out by then.
I thought you were going to say, these weekly funnies would not be possible without the support of the IAS… gave myself a chuckle this morning. 😀
I’m curious (and not kidding).
What is the difference between New OT VIII and all other OT VIII’s. How many different categories of OT VIII are there?
Where is Michael Chan’s spouse? If he is dishing out advice on communication, I’m curious about the reason he is no longer married (or spending any time with his wife and kids if he has any). I heard he was divorced. Sarah Downey was his wife. Does anyone else know this guy and where he came from? When did he hit the circuit?
As far as I know there are possibly 4 versions of OT8. 2 alterations by Miscavige and an old and new by Hubbard, is that right?. Does anyone know if there’s any more with GAT or whatever is the flavor of the month?
Michael Chan’s a cracker isn’t he? One of those slick, silver twisted tongues to be peddling that load of lies.
Probably more versions of “OT 8” than that. But, the common denominator is that none of them give the EP El Con promised and NONE of them give one ANY powers or abilities above that of the average drug addict living on skid-row has.
Congrats on your 100th Funnies Mike! It is clear that you can count, and it is clear from the Hubbard quote that the cult cannot.
That quote from Ron about training and percentages is very “Yogi Berra-ish” … you know, when Yogi said “hitting is 90% mental and the other half is physical.” Of course Yogi was THE great philosopher of the 20th century.
Bar none…its Deja vu all over again!
I totally agree, his Hanna-Barbara cartoon was the best.
I still miss BooBoo….
Smarter than your average bear.
Yogi was a much better philosopher than Lron. And he could hit and field! Lron never did any thing like that. Yogi Berra ‘cognitive dissonance’ was practiced and hilarious. Lron’s, no so much.
Can’t they at least pair these endless showings of the Atlanta opening with Gone With The Wind?
Joe, what I’m wondering is…how many more decades will they still be showing the opening of the Atlanta Model Idle Morgue? And how do they keep getting people to come and see it? Do most fall asleep?
I’m thinking that the moral of the Atlanta story is “Gone with the wind.”
😉
Nice grab of low hanging fruit! Well done! As a comic, I love low hanging fruit! They’re gifts from the comic Gods…
Fiddledeedee, Joe, how you do run on.
Ideal Org Reg to Scarlett O’Hara: “We need an Ideal Morgue in Clayton Country NOW! The Suppressives are coming and the whole South is going to be thrown into another Dark Age! You need to offload your family, donate Tara to the Church of Scientology, and sell your diamond earbobs to Rhett Butler – NOW! The time is NOW!”
Scarlett: ” I’ll think about it tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day.”
Brilliant Aquamarine! ❤️❤️
As God is my witness, I’ll never go hungry again!
Scientology and flatulence = same thing! It’s all wind.
Am I reading that ASHO promo right? The Auditor’s Day event (which is one of the “big ones”) for the largest field of Scientologists worldwide is being held at the Pasadena Convention Center?!?
How is the era of straight up and vertical, 63X, massive, epic and paradigm shifting expansion is this an appropriately sized venue?
At least event setup will be easier on the poor RPF crews tasked with accomplishing it! O_o
“With training you learn to get along with others.” El Con.
I always thought that your parents taught that to their kids while very young. Maybe El Con’s parents left out that oh SO basic life lesson and that’s why El Con turned criminally insane…
I pretty much knew how to get along with others in grade school. Can you help me with getting laid without that annoying marriage thing?
I looked up Denise Duff. She’s a B movie “actress” at best. She plays vampires. How apropos!
She even posted at her own IMDB board “what a great person and vampire”.
Scientologists always come off at desperate. I suppose they are. Hope she wakes up like Squeeze My Cans did. She’s hardly making a fortune on her movie roles, and every penny she has, she likely sunk into the cult. Heartbreaking!
Yes, it’s been a long time, about 15 years, since her last good gig (20+ episodes in a soap opera). She was quite the big shot around CC back then.
Looks like her last credit at all was for a bit part in Night of the Living Dead 3D: Re-Animation. That was 4 years ago. Oscar-worthy, I’m sure.
I guess her recent foray into being the latest “it” photographer in the Scientology jerk-circle isn’t working out so well (she’s just not very good), so now she’s looking to make a few bucks on the Miscavige Revival Tent Circuit – joining her fellow former actors and revival preachers Jeff Pomerantz and Michael Roberts.
Yes, traveling all the way up to Silicon Valley to pass the donation plate for a cut of the action. 11X FSM – Can I have a Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!
I want to send out a huge Thank You to Mike and all the wonderful rascals that send in the funnies each week.Congratulations on #100! Thurs is a time of the week where I marvel at the different configurations that cos comes up with in their promo.I hate to give the writer of the Southern Menu about The Deep South a little advice.Y’all have Georgia fare confused with Deep South cooking.Plus I love that the cult is the best new religion for this region.What a Crock!!All the Catholics here will point their rosaries toward cos and hope they leave town.❤️❤️❤️❤️
Here’s what I don’t get. They’re going to serve a southern style dinner to an org of Southern California Angelenos? Witn all that cholesterol?!!!!!!!! WHAT WERE THEY THINKING????!!!!!!!!!!! Don’t they know that most SoCals are health nuts?
Am I the only one who sees Power FSM and thinks Flying Spaghetti Monster?
Power FSM ==== Flying Spaghetti monster
I’ have thought that for years
The whole fund raising game has gone off the rails and “Thursday Funnies” from the very first one until now shows the desperation. Congrats Mike et al for keeping the funny going. Happy stress-free Thursday y’all!
Happy 100 Funnies Mike. Thanks for all the laughs.
I think by Funnies #200 the fliers will just be big, bold letters that say “Send Us Money Now!!” 😀
Now….if we can only get inside one of the buildings with a drone….
It’s full of drones already!
I predict we won’t the CO$ won’t live to see Funnies #200
Your mouth to God’s ears, as the saying goes, Nezquik!
I’m counting on it…
Yes, Mike, Happy Centennial Funnies Day! Thanks for all the laughs to help us digest the sad/grim facts.