It’s Yuge
Biggest since the Portland Crusade. Er, by the way, the IAS had NOTHING to do with Portland. There was no “IAS event” about Portland as IAS events didn’t exist then.
Wait — what about THE Turning Point event? The War Is Over!!! Wonder if she is going to survive this monumental assault on the COB’s ego that she forgot about his greatest accomplishment?
ASHO, Home of the Briefing Course
Apparently not.
And as the person who sent this “success” to me commented. Her “wins” could have been achieved by retiring. Far less costly and perhaps more fun.
Buy Your Beingness
Next they will be announcing “Become Cool. Pay us money and we will give you a plaque proclaiming you to be cool.”
Rave reviews. WOW! WOW!
Oh yeah, must be the biggest since the Portland IAS event that didn’t happen.
It’s a reason to give us money
Surprise, surprise. Remember when you didn’t give money to the IAS for the “Portland Crusade” because it didn’t exist in the US? Well, this is even bigger than that.
We are doing such a tremendous job…
…and having such an incredible impact on mankind. Just like we did at Portland.
It’s incredible
Literally.
And how amazing we purchased a building and renovated it in Dublin and we didn’t even know!
Atlanta keeps on 10Xing
By now it should be about 1000X — unless the 10Xing just stopped after 10? They went from 1 hour a week to 10 and have stalled since then… Wish someone would walk into this epicenter of idealiness and check out what 10X (or 1000X) looks like. Must be bursting at the seams already.
$1,000,000 even $10,000,000
The world renowned billionaire Paul Silovsky is going to teach you how to make money using the techniques perfected in scientology. Just think, everyone who attends this could start their own IAS.
Valley is fully, utterly, completely DONE
Until we decide it isn’t and we upgrade it to Golden Age of Ideal II standards.
For posterity’s sake
Sooner or later names are going to be “disappeared” as they are no longer handing over cash and thus will be expendable. It’s always good to have a record somewhere for future lawsuits.
BTW, this is your “last chance” to “move up in status” so give us more money now even though we just celebrated having collected it all!
4X the number of these levels
Whatever that means. I think what he is trying to say is that the BS is 4X as much as it was the last time I wrote to you. 
A special message for OT’s
We need your money now. Not really special. But they think it sounds good to say that. Sort of like biggest since Portland.
This is the guy who knows…
Life. The universe. The world. The spirit. God.
Looks like a happy enough guy – be right at home in an ice cream truck. Somehow I just don’t match the picture with the claim.
Step off planet earth….
Spend a week in the floating hellhole of vultures and vampires who will show you by example the technology of getting money.
Halloween Brunch?
They do things different in Canada.
That’s no exaggeration
Really?
And they have 2 graduates this week. Worth sending out a promo piece for. This ideal org is obviously hitting 10X expansion too.
COB was so relaxed and so severe
Couldn’t let this one go by even though we have been carpet bombed with IAS hype.
The only ones in this universe
No exaggeration.
They got another staff member
And that makes 10X.
A St. Louis exclusive
Get your own commemorative coin. And a limited edition T-shirt that reads “I gave them $50,000 and all I got was this cheap t-shirt.”
Bingo!
$10 per person. And that includes a “free” bingo card.
And for just $99.95 shipping and handling we will send you a free pack of gum.
Those ideal orgs sure know how to solve it with scientology….
The Elite Team
Consists of OT VIII’s who have redone the Purif and Objectives. Who would have guessed? Groucho Marx would have enjoyed that club – “I don’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as one of its members.”
Seriously?
Wonder if the Piltdown Man is going to be helping out on the CF backlog?
Incredible quote
Really incredible in the full meaning of the word.
To mangle Groucho: I wouldn’t want to be part of any organization that can make sense out of this quote.
More elitism
Probably hasn’t even redone Purif and Objectives and gets to be an Elite.
These huge, expanding (10X at least) ideal orgs that find it appropriate to send out a promo piece to announce a single new staff member always tickle my fancy.
It’s Live!
I guess other orgs holds graduations that are not so live?
Graduation
Next one is more than a month away — they are hoping to HAVE a course graduate by then
Some major things happenning
Yes, we are re-showing old ribbon cuttings, even though we are going to have to watch them again when we re-show the IAS event where they were re-featured.
I say the costume party would be a more major thing to happen.
Still more Elite
Pretty soon everyone is going to be elite and then nobody will be elite any more. They will have to start calling them Elite Meritorious. And then Elite Galacticus. The one thing they can generate in scientology is statuses.
Oh, they did NOT just do that…
What, no watermelon?
Oh yes they did. Again.
What a bunch of stereotyping assholes
We Need You Right Now Dammit
You absolutely qualify unless you are currently on the FBO 10 Most Wanted List. If you are, we can get you FSMing off church premises.
Ideal everything…
Are you guys serious? Everything? Vending machines? Toilet paper? (Do you actually HAVE toilet paper?)
Interestingly, the Snr C/S of the third oldest “ideal” org on earth has plenty of time to go out fundraising for some other org instead of dealing with the massive volume of people being cleared every day in SFO.
Russell Shaw’s quoting Hubbard in this article:
http://www.bloodhoundrealty.com/BloodhoundBlog/716/the-millionaire-real-estate-agent/
Russell Shaw, Phoenix… he’s a realtor here in Phoenix and his radio commercials are ubiquitous, and I mean EVERYWHERE. I had no idea he was SCN… I’ll never hear his commercials the same way again.
Re: Bingo!
Dear Applied Scholastics Academy Las Vegas,
I would imagine that using L. Ron Hubbard’s “study techniques” would help prevent typos in your promo, but I could be wrong. What exactly, however, is a “Cift Certificate”? It sounds tongue-twisting, whatever it may be.
Re: The Elite Team
1) Is it correct that you have taken the Golden Shower of Tech Purif and SRD?
2) Did you take the Golden Shower of Tech II Student Hat?
3) Are you under the Golden Shower of Tech II Student Hat?
4) Did you take the Golden Shower of Tech II Advanced Solo course?
5) Are you mid the Golden Shower of Tech II Advanced Solo course?
ML,
Fred G. Haseney & JennyAtLAX
Ex-scientologist (1977-2014)
Ideal Civilization Builder with Hors D’oeuvres is just plain “Nancy”. Saying her last name would be redundant, insulting even. Everybody in the bubble knows who Nancy is! Nancy has forked over WAY more than necessary to stay in good graces. Clearly she wants that top-of-the-chart status. Apparently it means a LOT to her. Too bad, because its a very long fall from the heights of FIS (Fuk-tastically Important Scientologist) to the humiliating depths of BSS (Biggest Scientology Sucker). Poor Nancy is ignoring her inner Bart who is so much smarter.
Re: COB was so relaxed and so severe
Public Feedback from the Dead IAS Event:
Dear C.B., What are the exact names of those supposed 169 psychiatrists in jail? Did you simply accept that generality or did you demand “time, place, form and event”?
Dear T.C., You’re a scientologist and you pray? What do you say in those prayers and to whom do you direct them? After thirty-seven years in your so-called “church,” I can’t recall the last time I prayed for anything. (Oh, wait, I take that back: I prayed for the Event Confirms, the Hard Sell, the never-ending Reg phone calls and scientology’s mountains of promo cramming my mail box to go away. So I take that back.)
Dear M.L., Yes, each year scientology comes out and says they’re going to eradicate psychiatry; they’ve been regurgitating the same old news for decades. The psychiatrists are so scared of bad old scientology; they’re shaking in their boots (especially at this time of year in the United States: it’ll be Halloween soon. Boo, Psychiatry!)
Dear E.C., Your description of the scientology event (“the energy, the colors, vibrations coming off the floor as people stomped their feet”) sounds, strangely enough, like a Nazi rally during Adolph Hitler’s reign.
ML,
Fred G. Haseney & JennyAtLAX
Speaking of Hotlanta, I still get mail from them, the last one claimed they are the fastest growing org out there. It is frustrating to use my real name here and never receive the elusive SP declare.
These are so interesting! I’m in PR, so by “interesting” I mean “cringe-worthy”.
What!! No Charlie Chan again??? Maybe he’s found a bus and jumped under it.
I think you need permission to be hit by a bus now
We have received your request to be hit by a bus.
You are too downstat at thsi time to approve your request.
To be able to be hit by a bus, you must:
Provide 2 children to the Sea Org.
Disconnect from everyone you know.
Becoming a Flatimus Titanium Pretentiousness IAS donor
Completing SRD 171 times
Doing the SuperPowers 42 times.
Then you can be hit by a bus. Please see the Reg (psst, she’s standing right behind you).
“COB looked so relaxed and so severe.” Hmmmm….he must be 5150. That explains a lot of things…
Sad, all of the ‘invitations’ are replays of the mOrgs opening are just too sad. Even a broken record get right after a while. I am surprised that there are no Micheal Chan ‘prosperity’ seminars in the list. Did Mike get a week off?
I am surprised that the Duggans aren’t at the top of the Valley donator list. Ok, Nancy Cartwright is the duchess of the valley, but still, Duggans, can’t you do better? If a cartoon voice can outspend you, you should attend the next Michael Chan seminar.
With another reference to OT 9 and 10, where is the EP of those levels? They should have leaked by now.
The Duggans have been splashing the cash out all over the place, Valley is just one of their pet projects, I believe there was something about them being major contributors to the South African campaign too.
Duggan done dug his quota of morgues, you dig?
Yes, Bob and Trish, the ultimate Scientology power couple, made some significant donations to South African Idle Morgues. And I think we all remember the disgusting quid pro quo for those donations. Are the kids back home yet, Bob? Or are they still being minded ten thousand miles away from home?
Thanks for the upload on this chickadee. I’m not much into the current music scene, but I have truly never heard her name before in any capacity. Top selling recording artist in Europe? I rather think not.
Gman 77, you are correct.
How can you tell if Scientology PR is true? If it’s printed, it’s a lie. If it’s printed in big capital letters, it’s a big whopping lie. If it has a number followed by an X, it’s computed via a method known as ” BONG MATH” : Lovingly and with high “ARC”( alacrity, resolve, and conviction), firmly hold that bong, Inhale that bud hard, concentrate on that bubbling sound, and….hoooooooold it in…and exhale…and repeat 2 more times…and then, write the first number that comes to mind. This is an ancient,whole-track method of , um…posturing, er, postulating…that is part of the previously secret GAT 3 Theta Buzz Tech, soon to be released to those with sufficiently deep pockets, all power and glory to 9th dynamic, Ramen!
Anyway, this song bird and Chill E B are embarking on ” Who The Fuck Cares?” empty org tour in 2017.
Check PRNewswire for updates and ticket give-aways…And prepare, of course, TO BE BLOWN AWAY!!!!
Wow, those Harlem Ideal ads… I knew that the church is homophobic, I did not know they were racist as well.
Gasp! What significant offerings! Such food choices! (I’ll bet 99% of those in Harlem have never tasted cornbread and wouldn’t like it if they did!) I was impressed, too, with the dreadful use of English. So I’m supposed to be educated by the uneducated? What a thrilling possibility
Is there a flag order on showing crossed set of arms in a photo?
It’s a DO (Dave Order) which takes priority.
Okay.
Just like the”do do” he is.
“Ireland is going to make a huge difference.”
Well so far you’ve managed to piss off the local press, come across as an invading force of arrogant pricks and allowed your critics to set the PR agenda (I believe that means, in Ronspeak, that they are at cause over you?]. So yes, Ireland may well make a tremendous difference but not necessarily in the way you are hoping.
From here on the world will change; but if it changes at all, and if it recovers, it will not be because of the Scientologist, it will be because of the brave souls who see through blatant deception and their unrelenting demand for truth; it will be because of real humanitarians, their foundations and selfless dedication. In all the broad universe, there is real hope for man. This is an extremely rewarding task. I have pretended too long to be the only one. Please evolve something better without me now.
Lilly Guerrero: “Even future problems are handled”. Yes honey, sure they are.
Anyone else noticed the proliferation of A.F. Techtm in many of the recent photos of individuals?
A.F. = Arms Folded to look solid and powerful
That should have been A.F. Tech with tm as superscript but alas I have yet to do the GAT II Student Hat and so wasn’t able to learn how to make superscript in a comment.
I’ve often thought, though, that it was because they didn’t know what to do with their hands! Actually, the stance they all assume is one of rejecting real connection, a barrier placed between the individual and anyone who might approach him/her at all. With a little research, this is easy to find. The true “winner’s stance”? Think Yul Brynner in The King and I. Feet planted wide and firmly, facing directly at the other person, fists made and planted strongly on hips, head and shoulders straight. THAT is a winner’s stance. I can’t think of a single scio still in who would honestly take such a stance. They have so much to hide, including any integrity!
Wait…what? Isn’t feet apart arms across the chest their normal stance?
AF is a term used to describe the pose a person assumes when they have brain lock. It stands for ‘Aw Fuck!’
The saddest one is where they wanted to host a costume party but you can only spread the 10 people so far. Let’s hide the fact that we have so few people by opening another unneeded building. I think David Miscavige watches “Field of Dreams” every night and thinks it’s true.
Hey Dave’s, here’s a hint on something I believe LRH got right. BE…DO…HAVE. Please check out the order.
“Have Do Be?”
No.
“Do Be Have?”
Nope!
I know!
“Ah! Be dove
Oh, bad eve!
Heave bod:
Evade hob.”
Wow! Order is everything! I bet I don’t even need to word clear “order”!
Harlem style dinners with fried chicken and greens? I never thought that Scientology could get so racist. What next? Have the white staff members put on blackface and do a minstrel show? That will bring in a lot of public. Namely protestors from the NAACP and Black Lives Matter.
They’re planning on showing Al Jolson movies to establish PR Area Control.
Mammy, how I love ya, how I love ya… that’s my girl Mammy…
Maybe that’s where they get the arms across the chest thingo before they fling them out in song??
Great idea! How about a black face review for the Harlem public to demonstrate the spirit of play? Should be a humdinger!
Yeah, absolutely! & some white-out correction fluid on the lips, just for fun!
Makes sense – the Org can probably buy it on the cheap since practically no one uses it anymore.
And how silly of them, they forgot the chitlins on the menu!
And they omitted letting Buckwheat serve the vittles.
I keep reading these to see if there’s any mention of a guy I crossed paths with at Flag when I was starting OT6 and he completed 7. A Cypriot. His main interest after getting off the level was to go home and watch some porn! That’s my kind of guy!
Was it Scientology approved porn? If not, that dude is in some serious trouble….
Scientology PORN is videos and recordings of $ell-Ebb’s getting off their transgressions on tape or masterbating and how they did it.
Slappy Miscavige masterbates to that.
Wonder what sort of session ends he writes about in his folder admin? Betcha the hand cream is well used tho.
Love the promo. I’m sure Tim Cook at Apple will be studying these ads in order to help improve their business. Also, he’ll most likely want to emulate COB’s charismatic style by adding more severity to his already relaxed approach at future product launches.
I’d bet whoever transcribed that first IAS anniversary testimonial didn’t know the word “serene”, which makes sense considering they’re on staff
Actually relaxed and severe works perfectly.
We had an umpire in a baseball game this last weekend who could have given David Miscavige a run for his money except he wasn’t into the whole hitting people thing. He would be standing there laughing and joking and then for no discernible reason erupt in anger and just go off on someone. Then go back to being Mr. NIce guy and wonder why people gave him a wide berth. We were so glad to see that game end and just get off the field. It was traumatizing for both teams and all the parents.
Relaxed and severe don’t fit in the same person but sometimes do exist in the same person, but make that person schizophrenic.
I love the Ideal Morg Sucker List. A list B.T. Barnum would have given his eye teeth to have.
“B.T. Barnum” Hilarious 🙂
Yep! Even Mr. Barnum had to deal with body thetans!
B.T. manipulated P.T. on the Q.T. and was thus a real O.T.
Brilliant!
In the old time BT Barnum said there was a sucker born every minute.Now COB has uncovered that suckers are suckers for eternity!
Claim your place in eternity.Move up your BT Barnum Sucker Status to Siver Sucker,Diamond Dupe,Platinum Patsy.
Didn’t Dave say there’s a sucker on Hollywood Boulevard every evening?
The ‘famous’ Rhonda Laroy has time in her pressing schedule to visit San Diego, no doubt they are expanding so much they have Christina Agulllera lined up for the next show.
A bit disappointing that there isn’t the usual half baked nonsense from Scotland here, they must be too busy buying their ideal org to crank anything out.
I’m really having a hard time telling if these are schoops or real promo. Hold on….let me access my TOTAL KNOWINGNESS. Complete Conceptual Understanding in progress….hold on….hold on…AH! That’s better. Can’t talk about it because you know….
You told me about it last night! What do you mean you can’t talk about it?
Sorry Dude….against the rules to feed you a cognition. They’re crackin’ down ya know? Gotta be careful.
U as-ised urself ag.in? Se. the l..t..rs ke.p disap…ng
They are a bunch of loony tunes.
That’s an insult to Looney Tunes everywhere…
…And Th-th-th-that’s All, Folks!
Bugs to Ron: “What’s up Doc?”
Bugs to Ron – “I want my carrot back!”
Ron to Bugs: “Where’s your routing form?”
No one’s fooling this Black Duck… who you calling loony?
Top selling recording artist in Europe, Rhonda Laroy has 4 youtube subscribers and 32 views on her top song! The OT medallion and guy in the background really bring this one together folks. My gum fell out when I saw the fried chicken and waffles, then I scroll up and this one knocked my socks off!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHHeB1Ubyjg&list=PLSuXlxWpEWzmb7QKe1pNGbrgHcNque9E2
When you have no public except imported public, you make up things based on folklore, not real life that you think will attract the audience you think you want. They are afraid to actually ask the people on the streets what they like.
Upstat because you pointed our attention to it the topselling recording artist in Europe is now upstat with 53 views.
By the way folks check it out.Rhonda seems everything you imagine a 2016 still-in scientologist to be.
Rhonda is now up to 95 views.