Reverend Freddie Firing Em Up in the Fatherland
Raise your havingness so you can give your money to me.
Why does anyone care what he has to say about Havingness?
It’s a Celebration
Until the regges greet you at the door..
Preventing the world from being destroyed
Now THAT’S a Success Story!
Totally vague and totally meaningless. But eh, let’s publish it anyway like it’s really good!
Not So Mighty My Mammy
The letter B is completed! 2 down only 24 to go…
Big turnout
This is the org LRH can count on. And this is what they can round up for their ideal org “all-hands.” Sad.
Nobbe is getting inventive
He only has so many people in his own family so he is trying to entice some others with Lotto Tickets….
If it’s a winning ticket, guess where the money is going?
Uncle Sam is On Board for Planetary Clearing
You can reduce your income tax by 50 cents!
Obviously whoever wrote this doesn’t actually file an income tax return…
Food, glorious food
Just because.
Not only dinner – dessert too!
Who could resist this?
Mission Impossible
Well, at least they got that right. Santa Barbara is NEVER going to raise the money. They are going to have to wait until the IAS or someone else buys them a building and pays to renovate it.
More scare tactics
From 1965 — the end of the world is coming before your child sees 16.
And this seems like an appropriate quote to publish today?
Get Your Questions Answered
Well, except for the ones you really want to ask: Why no OT IX and X? Do they really exist? Time frame? None of those obvious questions will be answered.
Pity they don’t follow this…
But one thing IS true — your bank account is NOT important when you are on staff
Well, not if they are all empty
Super Mom and Super Junior?
Too much weird here to understand what is really going on….
Porn Valley CF
Exclamation tech is making this happen! It is getting done! For realz!
Just WTF????
Don’t miss out!
More exclamation tech at work. Still not done with their files… They are opening next week.
Date settled
Now that is an odd thing to announce. Usually you settle a date before announcing an event… Some real slick PR happening here.
Christmas Fair
Look out for the regges dressed up as Santa’s helpers
Seriously?
You continue to use this tag line like it means something? IF this is the FIRST scientology city, the rest of the world has nothing to worry about.
Yep, they are really the smartest people on earth
It’s why they keep handing over money to a total scam. If you tell them they are smart they won’t think they are stupid.
He’s smiling now….
Just wait til he gets a load of that first paycheck 
The future is bright in Canada
It’s always the future. The present really sucks. And it has for decades.
Well, not really
The ACTUAL goal is to get your money
OMG — Pasadena has made 2 Clears
Yes, they have been an “ideal” org for 6 years and they have made 2 Clears. Isn’t that amazing!
San Diego – one of the last orgs in LA
Gavin, I think you need to get out more….
Tampa Org is making history
For making the longest unfulfilled promise ever about “going double SH size.”
Another fundraising bright idea
This one might catch on….
This is brave
But probably not what it seems…. I bet they don’t live stream the actual event so everyone can hear what Dear Leader has to say.
St Hill Desperation
They are trying to get people to go to UK from California! Southern California even…
Freewinds desperation
Trying to convince people to go to achieve spiritual eternity and freedom from amnesia on the whole track by noting how cheap the plane tickets are….
Not “Thanksgiving”. “Giving Thanks IAS”. Hahaha
And we will expect you to give more if you come.
And this is a big one, because everyone’s favorite turkey is going to be there, Mr. Teddy Bragin. 
Stumbling around in the dark
These “successes” are really getting strange.
Wait a second…
I thought the Briefing Course was the thing to do at ASHO? Then it was the Purif and Objectives? Now it is Congresses?
Cringe Corner
I want to vomit.
Teddy Bragin is still at it? He is one of the most aggressive IAS reges I have had the pleasure to work with.
Don’t know how he has the energy or the will to keep it up for decades. It’s unbelievable. Seems like serving a long prison sentence.
Now don’t throw the baby out with the bath water OSD…a Pompadour is an “ecclesiastical hair-do” and it is an indicator you are dealing with a criminally insane being with Stupid Powerz.
😛
My favorite is finding out that San Diego is part of LA. Wow! Who knew? I never would have guessed that in a million years, probably because I am not OT.
Is it just me or is the general graphic design quality deteriorating. While never original I seem to remember there being at least a professional finish to some of the promotional material. This swag all look they’re done in Publisher with a $10 CD of school project clipart
Too much of madness here, but the one that jumped out at me was the Lotto scratch-card thingy. Say what??? I remember a time when gambling was absolutely VERBOTEN in the church. As far as I can recall, LRH even wrote about how out-ethics it was, and as far as I know, it’s a sec-check question. I remember a family from Durban winning the lotto and they were in deep sh*t with the org – their penance was having to donate virtually all of it to their bridge/IAS whatever. Yet another woman was discovered to be married to a gambling kingpin in Joburg, and was summarily body-routed off the org premises. A friend of mine worked for a company that repaired pin-ball games and other small-time gambling machines, and this came up on her OT levels. A trip to the MAA and her resignation letter to the company were a prerequisite for being invited onto OT3. I knew the plot had been totally lost when one fundraiser involved Roulette, blackjack & poker tables being hired for the evening – and blow me down if I didn’t see a photo afterwards of the CO FOLO AF decked out in his fedora hat & cigar in mouth looking like a veritable Al Capone. I was such a holier-than-thou Scio saint that I refused to attend that fundraiser – hahaha. 🙂
Scientology – a Non-Profit Religious Casino where HOUSE always wins!
Where or where to start.I must say those success stories about getting lost in the woods,but great luck wearing a blindfold and Old Ron becomes the ultimate map maker,somewhere Miscavige is knashing his fangs.As for me I was laughing so hard when this lady was driving her van with all her guides Ron,C/Ses,auditors, what was in her Ron-Aid!The piece about not seeing your child turn sixteen,is absolutely chilling.I do remember reading this but in the light of the truth of cos today I see how the hook was set.Ron patted all of us SOers,exhausted,hungry and still wanting to help others,with platitudes as to how we were actually helping save mankind and kept us exhausted,hungry and working sometimes 24 hours straight,while he raked in the cash.Very cold hearted.Speaking of cold,that Gavin Potter is an ice block.And CF bravely files on.I would be so grateful to know cos can now reach more suckers than before.The thing is everyone in CF has either gone onto the next level,went off the grid,or are dead filed.So it is up & down the CF alphabet.Absoluely ridiculous.Thanks,Mike?
Reduce my taxes by 50 cents, OMG. Well, people, its been fun here but its A to E time for me now, can’t afford to pass this up…lol, can you imagine how toasted whoever printed this flyer is going to be? RPF.
Hey Mike.
There is a huge irony in the promotional item about 15 or so down, where you said
“Pity they don’t follow this”. It refers to something they headed ‘what is important’. The quote makes sense, apparently. But if you add the paragraph in the policy letter that precedes this quote, it means a whole lot more, and it blows up the ideal org strategy. Talk about deceptive and selective quotes. Here are both paragraphs:
“We own a tremendous amount of property. We own a tremendous amount of
material, and so forth. And it keeps growing. But that’s not important. When
buildings get important to us, for God’s sake, some of you born revolutionists,
will you please blow up central headquarters. If someone had put some HE [High
Explosive] under the Vatican long ago, Catholicism might still be going. Don’t get
interested in real estate. Don’t get interested in the masses of buildings,
because that’s not important.”
“What is important is how much service you can give the world and how much
you can get done and how much better you can make things. These are
important things. These are all that are important. A bank account never
measured the worth of a man. His ability to help measured his worth and that is
all. A bank account can assist one to help but where it ceases to do that it
becomes useless.”
Interesting.
Good point. All the current “ins” need to know about that first paragraph! Especially this last sentence: “Don’t get interested in the masses of buildings, because that’s not important.”, boy what would the whales think if they really knew that! This whole Ideal Org building thing really riles me up.
Lil davey the savage must absolutely hate it when anyone even mentions that classic Elron policy. For the founder to have been that direct about it, yet to have lil davey take the cherch so hard in the exact opposite direction, must cause $cilons an almost head-exploding amount of cognitive dissonance.
But even if they can somehow not-is all that and just put on the blinders to get fully behind Command Intention, there’s still the small matter of the complete failure of the Ideal Org plan to boom $cn as promised. It’s been 10 years or more since some of these orgs went Ideal and nothing has really changed for them, except for a big increase in the utility bills and property taxes.
Elron was crystal clear about the most important thing being how much service $cn can provide, which means auditing and training. And in another classic policy letter, he spelled out exactly how progress toward clearing the planet was to be measured and kept track of over time: $cn’s key success stats are the number of well done auditing hours delivered and auditor training course completions.
So, to review: Hundreds of millions of dollars donated by parishioners have been spent on a completely off-policy real estate expansion, while the key stats measuring actual progress towards clearing the planet have crashed and burned…so, who’s your pocket-size SP Daddy here?
Say, Miami!
You guys have been sooo long at central files that ONE dude working full time could have finished by now! (Of course, they’d been dumping in a new stack of files in the meantime…but that’s another project)
So, what gives? How come it’s STILL unfinished? Just finished the B’s, the bunch of you?
What would WISE say?
Super beings, my foot!
Hubbard’s 1958 quote where he poses the rhetorical question about the intelligence of scientologists is answered a half century later, unequivocally in the negative, by the existence of the Jive Aces.
What I want to know is did El Con know in 1958 that there were 15,000 $camologist’s world wide in 2016. Ooh, messages from the future sent via tachyon beams, precognition, certain substances, nonlinear time sense (play theme from Twilight Zone here)?
The tax dodge angle is so telling. Yes, spend $5000 for ‘monies on account for future courses’ and you’ll get a 50 dollar reduction in your taxes.
Who wouldn’t jump on that deal?
Smoke and Mirror’s Marketing…
Dog and Pony Show…
You are better off staying far, far away from $ciendollatry…and just pay your taxes!
If I’m not mistaken, the Valley Org promo graphic is from the film “300.” What a revealing analogy that might be. As the story goes, 300 Spartans came to the defense of the Greek city states. They all died in the end. Now we know that Scio fanatics make great sacrifices for their cause. But would they make the ultimate sacrifice if commanded to do it? I think many of them would. In any case, it would make for an interesting survey.
The promo about income taxes saying that you’ll save 50 cents on your income tax is probably written by a foreigner where English is his/her second language. Most of the new SO recruits are from foreign countries because everyone in the US has wised up and will never join staff, and the foreigners are promised life in America. Ha! Slavery in America is more like it.
Fran Lebowitz says something about people who claim they would die for their cause should be reminded that actions speak louder than words.
Oh – you will die Fran Lebowitz….Ron is counting on that!
I enjoyed the one from Tom Clapp trying to recruit staff. The fact that the world did not end in 1981 is proof that Scientology works.
I recall around 1991 at FCDC sitting in the waiting area you could overhear their meetings. One of them had to do with the birthday game, I recall being amazed how enthused Tom Clapp sounded and still remember one of the goals he was setting was to go from 20 staff members to 160 in four weeks. I recall thinking the building was not large enough to accommodate 160 staff.
I like Harry Potter’s new picture. He looks more like a Dementor than ever. The big difference, of course, is that Dementors get to stay in Azkaban. Gavin had to spend weeks in Albuquerque. I’d take Azkaban any day.
And what the hell is up with the lemon-yellow suits on the Jive Asses? Is this how they intend to show up to support the Vulture Ministers at the next disaster? And speaking of that, anyone want bets on how long until Mike’s elves get promos regarding New Zealand Org’s VM “relief efforts” after their earthquake? I’ll say we get the first flyers in the Funnies two weeks from today. They’re not going to miss out on that one, especially with an org actually in the country (and one that’s on the fast track courtesy of IAS money to get finished next year).
Isn’t Chris Nobbe the dentist who got sued by his ex-employees for forcing them to take Scilon courses, and lost?
Chris Nobble is a Chiropractor who tried to force feed $cientology to his employees, he was outed in 2013. Why do chiropractors have an affinity for $cientology? I suppose that chiros can be useful in a physical therapy type of way, but I never thought of them as real medical practitioners. My neurosurgeon has nothing good to say about them. I think that chiros just sell woo, and any who want to ‘adjust’ your young children should be stomped flat.
http://www.miaminewtimes.com/news/chiropractor-dennis-nobbe-who-force-fed-scientology-to-employees-agrees-to-stop-6549576
Thanks, Ze. I mixed up him being a dentist rather than a chiro. But considering that WISE specifically targeted two sets of medical professionals, dentists and chiros, one could get one mixed up with the other quite easily.
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Sheeple getting set to blow
OSA staff wallowed down in the mire
’cause fighting psychs will take its toll
Everybody knows an SP and some goldenrod
Help to make the season bright
Tiny COB with his eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight
He knows that Leah’s on her way
She’s letting lots of former members have their say
And every mother’s child is gonna spy
To see if Davey really spins a bigger lie
And so I’m offering this expose
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it’s been said many times, many ways
Tick tock Davey, you’re screwed
Bravo! Outstanding! Awesome post, Mephisto!
Thanks OSD.
Fricken Hysterical Mephisto!
What a lovely song for the Howl-a-days….lol
The SP’s are HOWLING cuz the SP’s are winning.
Here is another favorite:
O Registrar!!
O Registrar ! O Registrar!
Your stats are due – tomorrow.
They were up last week…you bankrupted a man.
A million dollars in your hand.
O Regsitrar! O Registrar!
Your stats have crashed – such sorrow.
I have said it before and I will say it again:
The Twin Cities org is like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. It’s a huge palatial downtown St Paul building where nobody ever goes in and nobody ever comes out.
Yes – more like the “Munsters”.
I was in St Paul for a financial convention and I went into it. It was soooooo CREEPY!
NO one was there.
I wonder how much money this is sucking out of David Miscavige’s “retirement” fund?
LOL
I suffer a feeling of great loss not seeing Michael Chan (my favorite) and now Graham Payne (the flim flam man of green on white) not make a weekly appearance. Maybe they are being held in reserve to give a special example of what real Cherch OT havingness (spelled leechingness) actually consists of – other’s people’s money!
The only thing missing on that photo of the bright and shinny Sydney recruitment poster boy is the SS uniform. Do it for the fatherland!
And the little kid being used for the donation angle – well… shark shit just got undermined.
But overall a pretty good week of funnies!
Wow, I love how the valley org rips off copyrighted graphics. Perfect statement of the state of Scientology. Rip Off!
There is nothing they won’t rip off. If they see an ad they want to use, even if it’s copyrighted, they just use it. Why? Because they’re saving the world and don’t have time for Wog rules.
Yes OSD but try touching their copyrighted bull and the shit will fly
Melt Down City…
“WOG” can also be used to describe the sheepbots – Weirded Out Gullibles or Whacked Out Gullibles. Choose your own meanings for the, now, acronym WOG. Start a collection.
What a great success story you found Mike. I also have a win I’d like to share.
I have had some things happen to me on this rundown, but I don’t know what they are. I was told I had to write a stupid success story or end up having to go back on this stupid rundown and get correction lists run on me until I can fake more F/Ns. But, I did blow a lot of stuff, I think. Also, like Gavin Potter, I had major cognitions like San Diego is part of L.A. In conclusion – I feel cause over butterflies but not normal butterflies – ones being powered by a Boeing 747 or something. Thanks DM, I’ll never be the same, maybe.
Wow, CPO! You gotta be OT X! I mean, cause over butterflies has always been a dream of mine. If you ever have the time, I’d love to have you mentor me. Maybe I could become cause over my backyard! My backyard is pretty big, so it might take several years for the EP. In the meantime, I’ll just practice with butterflies…
Ah yes, but did you go to the examiners and then on to the reg? A SS is not worth the paper it’s written on the words uttered unless a routing form is initiated and completed, cherch policy at work. Not all policy is created equal – but this one sits at the top of Davy’s favorites right next to disconnection and fair game.
KIW (Keeping the Insanity Working).
Thanks Mike for that compilation of the Theater of the Absurd. Laughing and crying.
Tick Tock Midget.
There’s a midget named tick tock? I learn something new every day…:
I had a flea called Scratch once. He hopped away from home when the new neighbors got a dog. There’s loyalty for ya!
Fleas are like that. They can be turned by a pretty face…
Oh yeah, but he’s better known as Slappy.
The other dwarves have sort of a strained relationship with him since he slapped Dopey and punched Sleepy.
Nice ones, as always. First one though with Mun Org can’t be real, the German is all wrong – looks like a “highly professional” Google Translate job. Munich has not been known in the past to publish invitations that bad, so it’s either some junk from up-lines or someone just trying to use photoshop.
The first A.I. program will be one that tries to learn German and then quits in disgust.
LOL! OT 8 & 9 DofT for those who were too stupid to figure out that the “first real OT level” was a complete bust. Dump the remaining assets you have and can borrow into more stupidity!
Agreed.My EP was I`ve been took.
When L Con stated the E.P. for 8 I thought that it would be the level that caused the greatest exodus from the subject of scientology as only the most intellectually dishonest or the stupidest would remain after clearly NOT obtaining that stated, verifiable E.P.
I think I was right
I know you were right…
Good name for a book or movie about the cult – ‘The Taken,’ or maybe ‘The Final Cognition’.
That is the one theme or common denominator of all Cof$ adherents of the past. The present ones just don’t know it yet. It truly is the group that never stops taking.
Or…The Final Countdown.
Nahingness, Iingness preferingness theingness titleingness “Theingness Havingness ofinness theinness Tookeningness.”
“Find out what you can do to open up the top of Bridge!”
GIVE US MONEY MONEY MONEY WITHOUT ANY EXCHANGE. Ref.: D. Miscarriage.
Leave it to Scientology to mess up traditions and celebrations. Lucia is a very Swedish tradition and is always celebrated on the 13th of December. No one (except Scientology obviously) would even think of having on the 4th of December.
They can’t have it on the 13th…..COB is getting his hair done that day
Yep, just never mind that the tradition of that special date has its roots in the 14th century and have been celebrated on that exact date since. We totally understand that is a bad day for Scientology, 4th make so much more sense of course.
Getting his hair done? What, the pompadour is rising? He still stands on a crate, right?