Hey Phoenix…
Rather than worrying about Albuquerque and raising money for them, why don’t you do something about your completely empty ideal org right there?
Hey UCNH…
You going to invite the survivors of violence at the hands of scientology? That would fill your venue…
You do know who you are getting into bed with I assume? And just don’t care?
International Speakers?
But they have no name?
Heading rapidly towards St Hill Size
Of course they are.
They’ve been slacking off since they became “ideal” in 2012 and NOW they are really getting moving.
Or is 6 1/2 years to not get there what you call rapidly?
What is done?
You got money for space planning? Money to buy a building? Pay for the renovations?
You don’t have an actual building?
A few positions left?
Hahaha… They will take anyone at any time.
They probably don’t even have 50 staff in this org. They are supposed to have 200. And a week after it opens, no matter how many they have on October 14, it will be a lot less.
D is for done?
Then how come the day before True Leader shows up to yank his ribbon you are holding a “Fundraising Event”?
Don’t miss this!
They will probably have someone to drive up to the Panhandle and send back a report (like they did with Florence) and report back “no worries, this is all media hype, the hurricane is a nothingburger.”
The Ultimate Experience?
Sitting for 2 hours listening to True Leader spout Shermanspeak…
You notice how more and more scientology is promoting Miscavige as THE thing? Like this is going to be witnessing some historic Gettysburg Address or “I had a dream” moment from this True Leader of men.
26X
Well, we will be expecting Phoenix to become St Hill size right after Lee Burns swings through town.
They have to be at least 1/26th of St Hill size now don’t they?
The man with the answers
Harry Potter knows the secrets of success.
He just cannot apply them to himself to get anyone to the Freewinds.
She Came Back…
This experienced staff member has returned… and is the Receptionist?
Wow. They didn’t even have a receptionist.
Bet this was a blast…
Celebrating 35 years of going nowhere.
Seriously?
This is your “agenda” for meeting #2?
“We did meeting #1, now what?”
Impacting the quality of life on earth…
Is she really this deluded?
Monumental, Epic, Watershed
2 new episodes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That’s apparently what $50 million buys you.
The Columbus Ideal Org photo reminded me of something from a couple of years ago . . .
https://img.thedailybeast.com/image/upload/c_crop,d_placeholder_euli9k,h_1439,w_2560,x_0,y_0/dpr_2.0/c_limit,w_740/fl_lossy,q_auto/v1492182133/articles/2015/04/21/meet-the-hookers-for-hillary-why-prostitutes-want-hillary-clinton-for-president/150420-snow-hillary-tease_nuhqp2
Dave F.
Orange County Org has 7 count’em 7 “Superstars”.
These 7, it can be presumed, comprise the staff.
The youngest could be any age from 28 to 34; the next up in age anywhere between 35 and 42.
The remaining 5 are 65 and older and the gentleman on the far right has to be pushing 80.
Now, I’m sure these staff are very nice people and possibly well loved by those who know them, but…SUPERstars?
I mean, come ON!
And I’m not being ageist – these people look totally ordinary. There’s nothing STARlike about them, at least from a visual standpoint.
The cult hyperbole does not quit!
Makes me wonder:
Who READS this shit?
Before it gets shredded, who LOOKS at this crap?
Besides us?
‘Lee’s Actual Graph’ – a line. No dependent variable. Just a line that squiggles a bit. It’s scientific! You can’t argue with a line! The line went up! Look, it’s an Actual Graph™!
Yeah, these Phoneygraphs kill me! They tell you absolutely nothing! How can the Still Ins be so stupid and Aqua why are you asking such a stupid question?
Lauren Segraves resigned her contract.
resign vs. re-sign, grammar – sweetie.
“It is with great resignation that I resign my contract…”
What caught me about her speech was that after one tour on staff no progress had been made (earth still a mess) so she signed up for another one. Cause this time it’s gonna work!
And this is a good example of Scientology start watching at 3:45.This is from Marty Shorts Jimmny Glick show.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8hO4enTTCA&t=145s
How does a piece of spaghetti wear a six shooter, it doesn’t have hips? Can you imagine the classic western duel between Sheriff Spaghetti and Fettuccine Badguy as they hopped towards each and tripping over the gun belts every step. The tension would be ruined after the third hop.
Jeff Lewis, Jeff who? Pubic hairstyler for male porn stars?
Roberto Esquivelzeta – “renowned”? I couldn’t find anything about him post 18 August 2015, on his Twitter account. Business must be booming….ooming…ooming…
Another yawn inspiring “Why I joined Staff” and I…yawn…am having…yawn…a problem…zzz…
“Don’t miss this!” A Hurricane! Yay! We have another disaster to grab more money to put into Miscreant’s bank account.
No matter how many times you look for some sort of variance or grey area in the definition of the term ‘criminal conspiracy,’ it still applies to every flyer in Thursday Funnies, every time, any week. I do miss Chan the Man though. There’s just something about him that always reminds me of insider trading. The silk tongued (fish sauce flavored) criminal slime ball that he is. Anyone that profits personally or acquires $ or personnel for Scientology is, in my book, a henchman for Miscavige. Hubbard is long dead but his schematical stench remains.
“Done, Sir!”
My goodness, will you just look at those Columbus Culties whooping it up in full Glee of Insanity Mode
Oh, they’re DONE, alright.
Yo Dave F
Per your request and with YOUR terric title, here you go.
‘GOIN’ DOWN THE DRAIN”.
I’m goin’ Down the Drain
Just goin’ Down the Drain
What a glorious feelin’
I’m Bankrupt again!
I’m laughin’ at Bills!
Let the bank keep my home!
To lose all I have gives me
No end of thrills!
Let my Creditors chase
Me all over the place
Now I’m Homeless and Broke
There’s a Smile on my face!
On Ron Hubbard Lane
With a happy refrain
I’m goin’, just goin’
Down the Drain!
Bravo, Aquamarine! Nicely done!
I can’t help but feel sorry for the guy in the wheelchair that’s in all the Columbus pics. I recall one post a year or two ago where he went into debt to make one of those useless statuses. You just know he actually thinks they actually care about him. Just a matter of time before that wheelchair is his only asset, then he will realize they no longer have any use for him.
In a few years the promo pix will be showing more wheelchairs and walkers and the long term still ins age and no new people “flood in” to the cherch.
In fact, this would be good questions for any Stil Innie in good standing: Why does all your promo contain mostly old people? If Scientology is expanding so darn exponentially, why don’t we SEE hardly anyone under 55 in the various orgs’ promotional flyers? Where are all these new people FLOODING IN?
Edit: “Terrrific” title 🙂
Receptionist Gloria Ewers says she has a vice, a habit. Should we call the Vice Squad?
Maybe her vice is that she puts on a habit when no one is around. Or she keeps a portable vice to threaten sheepbots with if they don’t fork over cash.
Her vice is addiction to her cult habit and her inability to even imagine having a real job and a real life in the non-Scientology world. Add to the above that her vice is needing a “license to survive” from True Leader and all of her “friends” in the cult.
Nah, they will withhold her 10 dollar weekly pay and apply it to her sec checks, which she will pay for, of course. No need to the call the ” wog ” po po when the superior fuckery and chicanery of El Con Flubbard’s dreck can be used to ruin and bankrupt another cult slave…
I’m thrilled to know there are staff openings at the Cincinnati org. – but, I didn’t read anything about salary, is it weekly, hourly, what’s the deal?
Nan B: Pay , rice and beans, and toilet paper will be withheld until the new slaves, er, recruits, reach Staff Status 2…And THEN ,the beatings shall commence until morale improves!
And that’s just the first day…
What more could a cult slave be wanting for? All their essential inhumane needs are met.
In the old days the highwayman’s term, “your money or your life,” applies. It’s just that Scientology wants both – that’s the deal! Then, to keep “in touch” with salvaging your and mankind’s eternity, like the carrot and the donkey, you do the same to others. Staff is a merry-go-round, except drop the word merry completely, unless of course you’re an absolute asshole, then it’s fun fucking people up with lies.
It’s a fact that not many people fully appreciate as they buy into craftily written policy and fancy marketing but MIscavige really enjoys his work.
LOL, Nan! You won’t be reading anything about “salary”.
One time, just for laughs, I answered one of these staff ads. I had been gone for a few years by that time. So I answered a Craigslist ad one of the orgs put up. Gave a fake name, number, mostly listened to the eager voice at the other end telling me what a great “opportunity” this was, etc., and then, in an ‘uptone”, voice, with very good grammar, told her it all sounded WONDERFUL, that I was QUITE interested and willing to start off as a trainee, and what was the beginning trainee salary?
WELL!
Talk about a verbal tap dance!
Holding back my chuckle I listened to this girl verbally bob and weave and side step. Now, I don’t recall her precise words but suffice to say she was thrown for a loop as to how to answer and still keep me on the hook wanting an interview. I could tell she was excited about “pulling me in”.
Mostly I can remember exact words but I’ve blocked hers out entirely because to tell the truth I began to feel sorry for her, and guilty. What I was doing was rather evil, after all. I’m sure I ruined her day.
That’s funny, but, I also understand how once they begin to get tongue-tied you begin to feel sorry for them.
Once, a girl called (I could tell she was young) and I told her she sounded like nice person and to take my advice, and leave that cult, get out while you can.
She consulted with her senior and called me back and told me to go fuck myself.
Really….don’t ya love it?
I have to say this was shocking display of “out-TRs” on her part. I don’t care what you said to her – THIS is how a “church worker” responds to someone on the TELEPHONE? Even if you cursed at her at firstwhich I’m sure you didn’t,but even if you had, this type of response is low class, trashy, disgraceful. Seriously, can you IMAGINE a clergy or a worker representing any respectable church or religious organization speaking like that to a stranger on the phone?
Then again, as Bombastic Bimbo Krusty Alley pointed out on the Howard Stern show: “We are not a ‘turn the other cheek” religion'”.
Indeed.
FOUR FUNDAMENTAL DATUMS! Isn’t “data” the plural form of datum? Shouldn’t he know that?
Data is the correct plural form of datum. Maybe DM should bring back Key to Life. Oh, never mind, that doesn’t work either.
The Michele Savelo photo, Isn’t that Magee Pearse on the right , didn’t she die 10 years ago, actually the chick on the left looks familiar from Sydney days …..Sally ….????
Granitt
Gavin Potter a sea org veteran! 33 years into a signed billion year contract, he’s only just a pup ha!
With 999,999,966 years to go.
Every time I see “Admission is free” on these fliers, I think, “Yeah, but ‘departure’ isn’t.”
Once you check in, you can’t check out.
Hotel Scientology hey?
Okay, I get the “spaghetti and meatballs” to go with the spaghetti western. But these folk really have a ‘misunderstood word’, or more precisely ‘term’. Spaghetti westerns are American westerns MADE IN ITALY (primarily in the 50’s, 60’s and early 70’s) by Italians! I’m pretty sure ‘Rustlers’ Rhapsody” does NOT qualify.
What happened to Cause Over silly m.e.s.t.? Where are the OTs displaying their OT powers, accomplishing anything they must, going fully exterior, or not? Why this desperation? Oh, silly wog I will never understand. I feel so degraded even questioning this. I retract my deluded questions.
Wasn’t there a posting recently about the Detroit org opening and it said to make hotel reservations at the Detroit Downtown Marriott? Why then, are the events being held at the Hilton Doubletree?
The Hilton doesn’t watch the Aftermath.
I watched as a hoot some programming on the $cientology TV channel about the Scientology Media Productions and had to stop watching because all of the 3D graphics, which were practically constant, with all the unrelenting zooming and swooping about were starting to make me sick.
It seems they are using 3D animation to extreme as substitution for lack of anything substantial to say and I would guess because there are precious few real people to shoot available (who aren’t expensive non-cult actors). As if all that visual kinetic energy means an kinetic energized cult in action. When in reality it’s in a stagnate terminal coma.
Sounds like standard event graphics. 3D animation = exclamation tech.
Also as “smoke & mirrors.” “Pay no attention to that little COB con man behind the curtain.”
Yes, the cherch has always been REAL big on razzle dazzle and WAY short on facts and statistics.. “Give’em the old razzle-dazzle”…because the stats suck and there’s nothing of substance that can actually be said – amirite, Mullet?
“FREE admission”, but they don’t mention the EXIT “donation”, which aounts to your entire net worth and future value, including pensions, IRAs, 401(k)s, real estate, inheritances, and fraudulent loans you have no intention of paying back (in this lifetime), credit cards taken out in your name then maxxed out for services you’ll never see or pure “donations” for 4D programs NO one will ever see.
scn’s final winking out of existance can’t happen too soon. Sadly, some of the cockroaches thus released will migrate to new scams, never ceasing to maim, destroy and kill innocent believers. Didn’t one of the current crop start selling “dehydrated water”?
Right. And the instructions are to “just add water”.
Why are they showing “Rustlers’ Rhapsody” for the fundraising night. It has a rating of 18% on Rotten Tomatoes AND it stars Tom Berenger. Didn’t he leave Scientology and even blame Scientology as a reason for his divorce? Someone fact check me on this.
In 1997 divorce papers, Tom Berenger cited his soon-to-be-ex-wife Lisa’s deep-rooted beliefs as a reason for the dissolution of their marriage. Found here: https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/17-entertainers-dabbled-abandoned-scientology-photos-193121840.html
New Fail Season LAUNCH PARTY!
Bring your friends, Bring your family!
(No PTS, SPs, CIA, FBI, or Psyches)
Don’t miss ANY of the excrement!
Special Attraction: *The Jive Launchers*
World Famous projectile vomit artists,
Streaming direct from Flog!
See if you can beat their best! Only a Dollar a Throw! Proceeds to CCHR, of course!
Prize for longest continuous stream, worst smell, and largest volume !
Note: The Elite Sear Org Staph, Not-RPF Division, will be on hand for clean-up.
BYO Towel, Odor Reducer, Ear Plugs, Head Phones, Sleep Mask, and change of clothes.
Town Hall Meeting #2. Let’s go. “Open Floor Discussion (No holds barred)” I wonder how long the floor would remain open if a group of well-meaning SPs showed up and opened the discussion on the floor. I think we would discover that there were, in fact, some holds barred.
Valerie, let’s go balls to the walls and show up. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen? They ask us to leave. I think it would be fun!
OSD, You supply the bail money, I’m in. I mean it’s only fair, I have to travel 950 miles to get there by tomorrow – yikes! better get started – and it’s basically in your back yard (especially if you use scientological geography).
Reminds of a time many, many years ago (when I was fit and dangerous) I attended an office employee meeting where I sure wasn’t invited (as a gesture for a girlfriend at the time who was fired for no good reason from her office job, it upset her greatly). My friend and I were well dressed and were quietly behaving ourselves. I was approached and asked, “who are you?” I looked the guy squarely in the eyes, steeped a little closer and replied, “security! Who the hell are you?” He just swallowed hard and backed off and went to chat with some of his comrades. My friend and I whispered to ourselves about nothing at all but when the group of them approached us, I told them before they could say anything, “we’ll be back later to check that this is a legitimate meeting,” and we smartly left the room, it was a private room at a snazzy hotel. Man, you should have seen the look of confusion on their faces. I think we introverted them a tad, I still wonder how their semi social, wine swilling meeting went after that. My girlfriend thought it was fun and repaid me in kind.
Just a suggestion of an attendance theme for where you’re not welcome.
Valerie, “(No holds barred)” means that the regges can do all the fake wrestling moves for real to get people to “donate”.
Damn you’re right. I was thinking of the “wog” definition. ;-0
This batch of Thursday Funnies brilliantly confirms the average age of current day Scientologists.
Especially that old codger trying to cooly saunter across the stage.
When these old dinosaurs die out, AppleBox Boy’s church should quickly follow.
Fingers crossed.
Yes, his feet aren’t even touching the floor. Just like a 2018 version of a movie song and dance man (he’s even shown in black & white to maximize the 1940’s film star connection). All he needs is top hat & cane.
LRH wore costumes to make himself larger than life and to mask his true intentions. His successor follows right in his duplicitous footsteps.
Hey Phoenix… your “neighbor” Albuquerque?
The Albuquerque right next door in New Mexico?
Well, it’s only 420 miles away, give or take a little.
That’s a 6.5 hour drive, or a $200 plane ride, round trip.
Why not be real neighborly and drop by tomorrow?
We’ll have a cup of coffee, and
share some of that good old time Scientology religion.
Next week: Neighbors Atlanta and St. Louis get together to do lunch.
Geography was never scientology’s strong suit. Their “continents” are not continents in anyone else’s world. Plus, when you’re OT, can’t you just go exterior with full perception and travel there no problem. Who needs a pesky body to have a cup of coffee with someone?
🙂
No such word as ‘datums’. The pleural is ‘data.’ But why quibble. As Ed Sullivan used to say at the start of his Sunday night TV programs: “This is going to be a really big shoe” (his pronunciation).
Get all duded up, podner, and come line up at the ole’ chuck wagon for a traditional southwestern dish: spaghetti and meatballs followed by spumoni (southwest Italy, perhaps, but hey, they’re trying). And podner, don’t vamoose from home before you stick that old checkbook down one of the cowboy boots you rented.
‘specially if you’re rich enough to rent cowboy boots for the night, you must at least 25-30 cents we can shake you down for. Come on now, don’t hold out. It’s all for the greatest good.
But…but, Scientology is for the greatest bad. Scientology is confusing.
How do the hot air balloons fit in with “Spaghetti Western Night”? Is that their mode of transportation to the event? Rather confusing imagery. Maybe after their pockets & wallets are emptied, they can just float home again—without the need for balloons.
Yes, they will ” go exterior ” with empty pockets, carried briefly on the hot air that was blown up their asses at the event…
Hot air balloons fit in with everything the cult says.
Bring your family, bring your friends, you won’t have either if you piss us off!!
Lron’s minions all sound like a 3 year old on Christmas morning……gimme…gimme….gimme…
I don’t know what “done Sir” is supposed to mean if not a completed and fully staffed building, not to mention central files cleaned up – is it yet another re-defined “status” that really only means that maybe they could finally start construction, or some even more ambiguous waypoint? We haven’t heard much about Columbus, so I checked, and in 2008 they bought a former Time Warner building located in an area of corporate buildings well West of their current central downtown location, and said they’d move into it in 2008 – so it’s yet another of the long-languishing buildings, and they’re only going to be off by a decade on their claim about moving in.
And, yes, it seems likely that Detroit will open with minimal staffing, after we recently saw Orlando publishing photos of only 12 to 18 staff members in the week after their opening. I wonder if Detroit is still making a push to get to 200 or so on paper, which in the past seems to have been accomplished by a combination of sending staff from elsewhere temporarily and signing members up for staff contracts that they can’t really fulfill, and are now relying mostly on counting “postulate” contracts from people far away who will never show up in part because housing can’t be found for staff making $50 a week.
And speaking of org projects, does anyone know what is going on with Austin? They must have reached their “done Sir” status point long ago, as they moved out of the old org building that they were going to renovate, and apparently started staging for construction work in the parking lot – and then, according to last report a few months ago, no further work was going on. Did some “unreasonable” large “postulate” donations that they were counting on (probably as Columbus is now doing) fail to come through?
The Columbus field erupts in cheers as the learn from COB’s telex that ideal walkers will be released instead of OTIX
Would this be the walking dead?
What wall?
I feel bad for Lauren in Cincy after reading her story about why she joined staff.
It’s hard for outsiders to understand how someone could be so enveloped in the bubble that they spend their life working for futile (if not malevolent) organization failing to achieve an impossible goal, all the while being told lies that they are making huge amounts of progress toward that goal.
But then you see a real person who’s been deceived by them into such a high personal sacrifice and it puts everything in context. What will she think one day when she has the grand cognition?
Really, so sad for her.
Okay, I tried to laugh it off. But this is too pathetic. Town Hall Meeting #2 has the sole agenda item of …”Now What?”
“Don’t miss this!
They will probably have someone to drive up to the Panhandle and send back a report (like they did with Florence) and report back “no worries, this is all media hype, the hurricane is a nothingburger.”
I wondered how long it would be until they tried to make it seem like they are actually important and make some money off this tragedy.
As the parent of a child who has spent over half their life as a first responder, (medic, 4 hurricanes, now a flight nurse) it is just disgusting that this cult gets away with claiming they do one thing but show up at disasters and say they did a darned thing but pose for a picture and probably get in the way. It’s just an insult to LE, Fire departments, and all the citizens who actually get into the danger zones and do their best to help. It sure isn’t for the glory.
Why can’t they have some of their resident powerful beings (TM) in Florida (we are talking about you Feshbachs) just fix the whole Hurricane Michael problem?
Yeah, why didn’t they just truck all the OT’s up to Panama City and give the hurricane a good swift Theta kick back into the gulf? Let me guess, they “don’t do parlor tricks”?
That’s a great idea, MarcAnon! Just round up all OTs and take them where they can show their off there talents. I’m sure they’d be very grateful for a chance to shine!
They don’t want to seem arrogant!
Valerie, OTs don’t do parlour tricks 🙂
But but there are people in danger – this is not a parlor trick, this is volunteer ministers staving off disaster. Can you tell me Tom “I know I have to stop at an accident because I’m the only one who can help” Cruise couldn’t fix this all on his own?
Hey! I can levitate my arms & my legs. Nothin’ to it.
Valerie, you’re cracking me up.
Here’s the deal:
You have a yuge MU.
Let me help:
WHATEVER OTs are unable to do are “parlour tricks”..
If an OT can’t do something, its a parlour trick, that’s all.
And parlour tricks are BAD!!!! To do them is OUT ETHICS!!!!!!!
Curing illnesses, calming hurricanes, stopping crime – actions such as these would be terrible. They’d just get everyone very UPSET.
Fortunately the OTS can’t do them anyway.
But even if they could, they wouldn’t.
After all, they can’t be cause of matter, energy, space and time if they go out-ethics!
And at the same time, they can’t stay in ethics if they’re cause over matter, energy, space and time.
I hope this explanation has been of some assistance 🙂
Umm sure. It makes perfect no sense at all.
Exactly!
Another facet of a less appreciated, but nonetheless sick mindset of the Scientologist is that all disasters and calamities that occur of Earth or anyplace else for that matter, already have a solution, even before they happen, so sad no-one listens. It makes them all “sadly noble” that mankind hasn’t embraced them yet as Hubbard convinced them the tech will do. And of course the solution is Scientology. It is their quest and mission in life to get Scientology applied by more and more donations, that’s their coerced contribution insisted upon by management. Immediate results are make up, and then embellished and the hype they conjure out of thin air is all they have to play with.
That’s a good point you brought out!, Yawn!
Why have the OTs parlour trick everything, right with the thetan equivalent of a Bewitched Samantha nose wiggle?
With all problems glowed to solution by the OTs, what would be the impetus for Mankind to become Scientologists?
So, really, its fortunate that they can’t do them ANYWAY.
Although they have no problem letting others believe that they can!