Please, please, please come in. Pretty please.
They will resort to anything to try and get people to come into their idle morgues….
Really?
The Wobble. Cupid Shuffle. Teaching poker “moves”? Just like Ron says.
Scientology v. Dudeism
A Special Correspondent sent this in to me, she thought it was amusing, and so do I.
Anyone who has ever seen The Big Lebowski will get the joke, but whether you have or haven’t, the comparison to the scientology facebook page is pretty funny. Let’s not forget church of scientology is on the “cutting edge of internet dissemination” getting “hundreds of millions of hits” blahblahblah (at least if you listen to the Miscavige-a-thons).
You will note how many “Likes” they have.
They have “ordained” over 220,000 “Dudeist priests”….
And here we have the comparison, less than 70,000 likes:
Sonya Jacques giving seminars?
Things must really be desperate at Flag when they have time for Captain Ahab to leave the whales and head to the ballroom for a seminar with some minnows (if there was anyone there at all)….
How to become an “Elite” staff member?
Hint: it has NOTHING to do with competence.
Give money of course. The one thing you can ALWAYS buy in scientology: bestowed fake status.
And finally, on a sad note, Denise Brennan passed away. Tony Ortega has a well written and moving piece about her this morning. A courageous yet amazingly kind and gentle soul, she will be missed by anyone who had the good fortune to know her.
I think being the wife of Harvey Jacques say a lot about her character!
I meant “says” a lot about her character.
Damn thaks Ron:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cf48HuhaoF0#t=132
Haff anodder one, Daddy Cat! (hic)
Hey, just like it’s the 25th Anniversary of the Maiden Voyage!
The Sonya Jaques seminar is entitled “UNLOCKING THE KEYS TO OT” ????????
Wait a minute. Aren’t “keys” those thingies that are supposed to unlock stuff?
…..So, if the KEYS to OT are themselves locked up, then logically these must be other keys to unlock the Keys to OT. ….Or maybe there is a keyhole in each of the Keys to OT into which one inserts a key which unlocks the KEYS TO OT.
……or something.
Who writes this stuff? Flag needs to go down to the local high school and hire an English teacher for a few bucks to proof read their promo on weekends.
‘You can have your bridge’ reminds me of the Brooklyn Bridge.
LOL…good one Espiritu! I think insincere language creates this sort of thing. The person’s brain is in a knot trying to figure out what to say, to get money, get stats, etc, etc, etc. It’s not real, genuine communication, emanating from the heart of an actual person, so it has no logical sense to it. It’s fabricated and “button” loaded so they can get what they want. There’s the duplicity of what they want which doesn’t match what they’re saying. Most normal people can spot this a mile away, it’s well known as bullshitting.
The bull done shat and the public spat.
Any day’s a good day to poke fun at the Co$. Besides, you probably scared some lurkers into thinking it was stats day already.
“…the Cupid Shuffle, the Conga, the Two Step…”
How about The Hustle – can you teach me that?
For maybe 10 years or so, I used to wake up in the middle of the night on Thursday early morning after I left in a worry some state- mind not every week but very often. Call it adrenalin or whatever. Now Thursday before 2:00 pm is gone. It is a powerful hindsight engram.
I think I’ll join the conga line that’s going out the door.
In case anyone was wondering, just 5 minutes ago I realized it is WEDNESDAY….
Must be getting old.
Sorry if I caused anyone else to go through the day thinking it was tomorrow, or just created a mystery sandwich. 🙂
If we all agree it’s Thursday, then it is. 🙂
.
It is always Thursday (at two) in the idle morgues! And don’t worry Mike, we didn’t notice it either!
Phew! Thanks. I was reading through the comments to see if anyone brought it up. I was beginning to wonder if I lived in an alternate time zone.
Happy Wednesday. Primary elections in this state are the 19th and I was hoping it was one day closer to over and we had jus bypassed tonight’s big candidates debate. No such luck.
Its Thursday in Oz. You’re ok.
Aha, of course, how right you are! 🙂
Yesterday was Wednesday? Crap, Mike, I thought it was Tuesday! Welcome to the world of “Senior Moments” my friend!
So this Jeff, the super humanitarian, is putting the tech there for future generations….. Nooooooooo, Jeff, you are giving money only, that you probably can’t afford, for a mest object that doesn’t audit or train anyone. You are diverting funds away from people’s bridges and creating stress for people to come up with funds for this. You may even be harming your own ability to stay on staff. The radical church is getting the building, which they will probably sell when the broke people, abused with altered tech, run away and won’t come back. Practice Scn if you wish to, but don’t pretend to be following tech or policy supporting this scam and off purpose activity. As a staff member the wins of pcs and preots and well trained auditors should be your only concern.
I still can’t believe that STAFF are “asked” or cajoled into or even volunteer to donate to Idle Orgs and IAS etc. Do they really have no shame? (Rhetorical question.) Obviously these staff doing so are funded by parents or were already rich before joining staff (or they are on the 10% commission gravy train and doing “well” at it).
This also begs the question of would you want your case, eternity etc. placed in the hands of staff who are so naive and childish to go along with this? If you think about the implications of that, it is truly horrifying.
To emphasize my point in my last paragraph above one of my students on course made a clay demo with a blob of clay and a label on it (which is doing exactly what the 3 or 4 HCOBs on Clay Table Training say not to do). After flunking him he stated “but my supervisors in the Church never had a problem with my clay demos!” (He is a Student Hat Grad amongst many other courses in the Church.)The gleeful and glib are now leading the glib and the blind. “Get him through the course and back into the Reg Office” seems to be the motto these days. I will ask him today (he has to re-do the Clay Demo of course) if he could “donate his way through his course if his clay demos weren’t up to scratch”. But no, the supervisors did actually let him get away with this. God help us!
Right Foolproof. With gag 1 it’s like they fired all the professors, then assigned all the kids in biology 101 to run the hospital. Good luck. Now the blind really are leading the blind.
The blind, the deaf and the dumb.
On the EPF there is a reference that staff are exempt from giving donations and that people should not try to get staff to donate money since they are already donating their time etc. LRH wrote that, yet I see it violated all the time and know of instances where IAS show up at staff member quarters at midnight and refuse to leave until the staff give. If you have any money of your own or an inheritance, you are hounded to death to give even though it is against LRH policy for staff members as they should not be asked for money per the LRH on it. It is a SO only reference and was on the EPF checksheet.
Update: The student eventually did the Clay demo correctly after 3 additional attempts and my warning him that his whining and “feeling overrun” was not allowed as students don’t have cases gasp!) and (as I don’t have a Dept 3) advising him that I would give him a smack in the chops a la COB if he continued (joke) and he snapped out of his previously successful (it seems) method of handling his Org supervisors by petulance. (Normally such students I would not allow on course but he is actually quite an OK guy and this is (was) his only fault so to speak.)
However, I then got the image of the scene in the Org Academy of his previous “supervisors” agreeing with his flunky clay demos (of that time) either because the supervisors hadn’t got a clue anyway or just wanted the stat rather than the product. “The product of an Org is well taught students and thoroughly audited PCs” – good luck to the Orgs with such supervisors then, they’ll need it, luck that is!
What’s so nasty to me Mike.. is the increasing # of S.O. or org staff who are ante-ing up $$$ for status. ….What the hell is that all about if not just sheer blatant “get the bucks from wherever we can”. they’re on staff for Gawd’s sakes! Leave ’em the F alone! Arrrrghhhhh
recommended for their play list:
Rocky Burnette – Tired Of Toein’ The Line (1980)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKXVUyyBWXs
In Sylvia whats-her-name’s presentation/talk to the good folk of Chatauqua she told them “we have 11,000 Church and groups across 160 nations”.
Now it’s 184? When did the other 24 suddenly pop up and without HUGE fanfare as the Church is prone to do?
In another section of her talk she says “some of our largest Churches are in the United States, Russia and …….wait for it……. South Africa!!!! My jaw dropped. If South Africa is considered as being number 3 in the ratings of “big Churches”, Scientology is in deep, deep trouble.
🙂
I can confirm for you that scientology is in deep, deep trouble….
Really? I thought it was straight up and vertical.
That was Dave’s sexual fantasy.
What scientology? I only see bubbles…
With apologies to the Dude….”Shut the FUCK UP, Davey!!!!”
Off topic, but maybe even worth it’s own blog post 🙂 .
International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA) seeks to collect data on the harassment endured by former members and their loved ones who speak out. They published the following survey on August 11, 2014. This is the official announcement explaining this effort that they sent out to their membership:
Begin citation
“Former members of high-demand, cultic groups are sometimes invaluable in helping people understand the “back stage” behavior of groups that may be adept at projecting a positive “front stage.” Sometimes such former members are harassed, threatened, or sued because of their educational efforts. Family members of involved persons and others concerned about groups may also be attacked for criticizing groups.
Sometimes the exercise of free, critical speech is not as nuanced and responsible as it should be, and groups may have a legitimate grievance with a critic. Other times, however, the critic is a responsible David up against a Goliath intent on stifling his/her speech.
ICSA is interested in collecting data on how critics may have had their exercise of free speech curtailed or suppressed.
Please help us in this research by completing ICSA’s Free Speech Survey:
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/17Qaw0MmnbOnKcSzZ2NumNH6rCWZsYC6ABvIfGh92Sok/viewform?edit_requested=true
End citation
If Scientology has ever caused you to remain silent, or if you suffered harassment OR legal actions as a direct result of NOT remaining silent, please consider taking a few minutes to complete this simple survey on the above googledocs link.
For more info, see: http://www.icsahome.com/
Addition: note the detailed contact info requested up front. They are possibly looking for a contact list of people to interview further for a more detailed study.
Why don’t they just hold a bake sale?
You might be interested in Tarvuism (www.tarvu.com) which has even more likes than Dudeism, partly because its so easy to join. As for Scientology, they have only 12,000 followers on twitter (by contrast, Kirtstie Alley has 1.2 million and advocates Scientology, so only 1% of her followers follow Scientology.)
184 countries, you say? I don’t believe it. There are 197 countries extant. It might be easier to name the 13 where Scientology is absent, and then we can dig into the rest to find out what presence the church evinces. I’ll guess there’s no Sci in Swaziland, Somalia, Vanuatu, Brunei, Seychelles, Mauritius, Cape Verde, Comoros, Burundi, Solomon Islands, Turkmenistan, Vatican City or Bhutan. Now, let’s dig into the 184 left over. Is there any presence in San Marino? Tajikistan? Kyrgyzstan? Chad? Belize? Eritrea? Moldova? Malta? Hmmm????
You forgot Vatican CIty.
Also Monaco and Liechtenstein.
Is there a presence in Lesotho? China? Iraq? Syria? Libya? Central African Republic? North Sudan? South Sudan? Iran? Bahrain? Saudi? UAE? North Korea? Cayman Islands? (Oh wait scrap that last one – there could be a presence in Cayman ban..er Island).
North Sudan* and Cayman Islands** aren’t countries. But not to worry — Even if they were countries, Scientology would not be there.
*Sudan is north of South Sudan
**British Overseas Territory
hgc10, neither is ‘West US’ a continent.
Dudeism: Get ordained for free.
Tarvuism: Just say Tarvu’s Prayer, and that’s it, you’re a member. It’s so easy to join!
The Church of the SubGenius: Just send your $30 to “Bob”, and it’s salvation or triple your money back.
The Church of Scientology: We want your money. We want all of your money. And once we have that, we want your children’s money. Then we want your children.
Out of this list of fake religions, I’d be proud to be any of the first three. The last one, though…
Espiando, what you say is absolutely true! And that’s truly scary! All of your money. All of your children’s money. Then your children. Man, this is like the Twilight Zone of religions.
Luke…LUKE! I am your Dude! Follow me to the dark side into scientology, Luke.
Prices have risen. It’s $35 to “Bob” these days.
You forgot to mention the part about also leaving your rational mind and positive emotions at the door.
That ‘dance and game night’ flier looks like something a senior center would hand out.
You may well be right.
I opted for early sixties middle school dance, but then given the age of the parishoners they are the same folks!
Hmm…I wonder about the OC poke game. “Come on down and ‘ante up’.” Wonder if that means you have to donate to play? Or are they now teaching and promoting gambling skills as another way to make money to give over to the Church?
They’re training for the opening of their Ideal Casino.
Ideal Casino: The games where nobody wins, except the house.
Where COB will gamble with the SO Reserves (quite a stash now!) just like the “good old days” in Vegas for him when he was first starting out. In his own casino he can do it without writing it up as an O/W – not that he ever did anyway.
Damn! My coffee just shot out of my nose! Ideal Casino! Now that’s some funny shit! But, really, it all might just go in that direction! It makes perfect sense! The dwarf wants tons of money coming in. And owning a casino would be the answer. And, of course, the Sea Org would run it! You’d be sent to Ethics for not gambling enough…
COB would never stand for an Ideal Casino. Gaming laws require odds less than the 100% house margin he now enjoys in the thousands of Idle Morgues around the globe. Have you ever heard of someone leaving an Idle Morgue with more cash than what they came in with?
Why not – they’ve got the otherwise empty buildings that are ideal for money changing hands?
whostolemycog, there will be regges standing by to convince players to improve their karma by donating their winnings to any one of the house’s many charities.
The game of poker ah la $ciencultogy style has a pokee and a pokor. The Cult is never the pokee, that is reserved for kool aide special status seekers.
The Cult is always the dealer and you are the pokee player. The main trick is to maintain constant vigilance over all of your orifices to minimize the amount of pokin goin on.
Sonya likes to always be the dealer and of course the pokor and that is why you always refer to her as SIR, especially when she is messin around with a pokee in her office. Before long there will be a major reversal of flows, which will always happen when one flow stays too long in one direction.
The moral of this story is that there is about to be heard on the streets of downtown Clearwater some serious screaming from the Flag Registrars Offices as the pokor of last resort shows up ( yes it is HIM) to get the production up.
Yo Dave, Bout time to get it on don’t you think. I mean what are those losers doing anyway to cause such stat crashes? I’d start with Paul Miller first if I were you……..he’s just sittin around smokin up a storm trying to figure out how to get some of it up your ass. You see, he wants to play pokor with you good buddy!
That Dance and Game Night flier reminds me an old Exodus tune -The Toxic Waltz.
I have to go to the Tom Lehrer songbook for my apt comparison: the Masochism Tango.
Ha! Love Tom Lehrer! I was introduced to him many years ago by Dr. Demento on his radio show.
Right…I know it’s a rapidly aging constituency, but jeez are they really in their second childhoods?
The dance and game night cum pot-luck reminds me of junior high dances in the early sixties.
They are beyond pathetic.
These flyers just strike me as sad and lame.
Ahh the Dude…nice marmot.
I did have the pleasure of meeting Denise Brennan last year. She was one of the most courageous people I have ever met with a HUGE heart! I barely knew her but I will miss her.
Yes, Mare, I agree! She was incredibly brave and loving. A rare combination of qualities.
To their credit, they seem to have stopped proclaiming exactly how many millions of Scientologists there are, since I think its well known amongst those who regularly visit here or Tony’s that CSI spokespeople were always under pressure to give a number that was ever-increasing, until actual studies found that to be ridiculous. And then there’s that classic bit where Heber said that they count you as a Scientologist if you’ve ever picked up a Scientology book. The 11,000 churches, missions, and groups in 184 countries stat is equally hilarious. There are currently 196 nations in the world, meaning there are just a dozen wog nations keeping the CoS from world domination. Keep donating people! World domination is just a dozen countries away!
Edge, I remember that comment from Heber when he was on 60 Minutes. Mike Wallace asked Heber how many members they had and he responded, 8 million. Wallace said, “Really? You have 8 million members? Heber replied, “Yes, since 1953 (I think). Wallace said, “So, even if someone just bought a book and never joined scientology, you count them as a member?” Heber replied, “Yes, because it’s that powerful” (the tech). Heber was trying to walk away from Wallace the entire time as Wallace was following him. That to me was a HUGE crack in their story at that time.
When I was on staff in Hawai’i in the mid 70s, the Encyclopedia Britannica (at least I think it was EB) said scientology had 15 MILLION members. I thought, at the time, that scn would soon be ruling the world!
Later on I found out that Hubbard always told the staff to tell reporters numbers that were ALWAYS going up. I’m not sure they ever had more than 100,000 members even in their peak years. At this point, they could be down to 25,000 or less. Remember, there are members who don’t do any services anymore and are just trying to stay under the radar for whatever reasons. Hell, they may down to 15,000.
In their “What is Scientology” ad that ran in early 2012 http://youtu.be/y2Wx2M7a5Wg they claimed there were 10,000 churches, missions, and groups. So there’s been some upward fudging since then.
As for the actual number of Scientologists, I’m sure there’s plenty UTRs who are just staying to keep family or business connections, people who just go through the motions. I’m wondering if someone out there can tell us about sales of the Ultra Easy Mark VIII. The people who buy those have to be the true believers.
Dudeism has integrity and joie de vivre…two consepts not only alien to, but the antithesis of Scientology.
Dude! I feel you, bro! And, of course I would being that I’m the Old Surfer DUDE…
Dance and Game Night with Sonja Jacques.
I’ll have to pass, I have a date with Charles Manson on the prison Volley Ball Court.
Then I have a South Pacific Cargo Cult Service to attend with a noted Cannibal headhunter
giving the invocation. Some funerals of Nazi War Criminals. I’m sorry, all booked up.
STILL LAUGHING!
OK OK, I admit it – I absolutely LOVE reading the promo pieces, always look forward to Tony’s Sunday funnies. Mike, keep these coming please. Nothing says it like the stuff from the horse’s own mouth.
11,000 churches, missions? What, is every person on lines now deemed a church or a mission PERSONALLY?
You would think at least once …. just freakin’ ONCE ….. a promo piece would say that the way north would be to become an active and competent auditor instead of just forking over some more cash (you know …. audit OTHERS and so one by one handle insanity and move towards a cleared planet …. oh well, that is a very OLD Scientology idea).
BTW, anyone hear attend Sonya’s little talk?
Joe: Sorry to correct your English but don’t you really mean the horse’s rear end? I sure agree with you that Mike and Tony’s “promo” pieces speak loudly to the condition of Miscavige-land, while giving us a good laugh in the midst of tragedy.
Mike, it becomes more clear each time I open your blog that they are totally finished. Though the body staggers on, the life has long since left. There is no longer even the presumption of actual service to anyone … other than bolstering monied egos. Poker? Lordy!
Hey, thegman77, the focus on auditing and training went out the window years ago. Now, of course, it’s ALL ABOUT the money. When you read “Success Stories” where the person claims to have gotten “Case Gain” from handing over large amounts of money, you know just how fucked up these people are now. What are the 2 valuable products of an org? Auditors made and happy PCs. That is sooooo last century with the current regime. Hey, what do you expect from a leader who has NOT picked up the cans in 17 years. Nor has he done any training. Super Power? He knows it all a crock of shit! However, he is laughing all the way to the bank (in Switzerland).
Spot on!
At more than 11000 churches, missions and groups, scientology has an average of 6 parishioners per group that openly admit to liking them. I’ll join the Dudeists.
I am deeply saddened at Denise’s passing. Although I did not know her, her love shone through in everything she wrote. I, for one, will miss it. Wherever you are now, Denise, you have that love with you – because that is who you are.
Mike:
Do you think they have inflated the 66000 Facebook likes?
Of course. It’s not scientology if it isn’t an inflated stat. Goes along with the 11,000 orgs, missions and “groups” in 184 countries. Made up bs…
If they have 11,000 orgs, missions and groups and they have 66,000 Facebook likes, that means they only have six people who like each group. Sounds about right.
Probably 350 total groups for a total of about 2,100 people who approve of them.
If they have 8 million members, only .008 percent like them. That sounds about right too.
In an inordinately short period of time, the stat went from a few thousand to 66000+ Likes on FB. No doubt OSA has employed a click farm to purchase “Likes.” They may also have created their own – just create multiple gmail accounts and click away!
Candace Fischer: “As each of us steps forward and contributes to the motion – the load of time and energy gets lighter and more doable.”
This proves the following axiom: “The elevation of status is proportional to the amount of kool-aid consumed.”
I just went and read the tribute to Denise/Larry Brennan on Tony O’s site. I encourage you to go to the very end to see the links. I clicked on the first link and saw the deposition in 2008 of Larry Brenan where he whistle blows on the corporate structuring that was done to obfuscate and confuse people trying to trace the money and see what the real corporate structure is and who is running the show. It is uncanny how back then one of the reasons for this cloaking was so that the church would have a safe base from which to attack perceived enemies, and also so that if the church were attacked, they could play the victim card and act like their religious rights were being violated by big bullies…. and it’s amazing that that is what is playing out right now in the Monique Rathbun court case against DM and the church.– the anti Slapp thing. Also they did the corporate cloaking so as to get away with paying SO below minimum wages, so they could send SO anywhere in the world to work as religious people and not have to go through any red tape, oh, it is interesting. My eyes were opened. I wish all of his deposition could be used in the current court cases. Maybe it can and the lawyers just didn’t know it exists. Let’s get the word out. RIP Denise Brennan. She and Larry went out with huge integrity for whistle blowing before moving on. Her karma will be good.
Thanks Cindy.
Ditto Cindy,
There are some amazing links in there.
Truly highly recommended to dig into these.
Greta