And when it’s done?
There will be NO excuse for why California is not cleared right?
Actually, according to this, NorCal and SoCal should ALREADY be cleared because they are “all ideal”. It’s made a BIG difference…
This seminar will change your life…
He’s been doing this schtick for decades.
Nothing has changed.
This is a seminar for all scientology orgs…
Perhaps she could begin with grammar and spelling for the staff that make the org promo?
But you have to ask, what is SO successful about Denice? Anyone ever seen her in anything other than a scientology film? Or seen any of her photos?
Only $250
To discover about ethics and the artist! And 20 other things. In fact, everything you would ever need to know about the arts. Except how to perform…
Let the master artist L. Ron Hubbard be your guide.
It does not address your case or your body…
In fact, it addresses nothing at all.
It’s just running around in circles in a black tracksuit.
But when you’ve paid for it, and they want a success story to let you out of there, you come up with something to say.
John Miles will give you the secrets
Including, who the hell he is presumably.
Funny, in the northern hemisphere April 15 was a Monday?
You guys should probably go to Denice’s seminar and ask her to cover the use of apostrophes.
ALL are welcome…
Unless you believe in Jesus.
They finally got one…
This “ideal” (AND St Hill size) org makes one Clear a year or so.
But when it happens, all the stops are off for an epic, watershed celebration.
Wonder if they ever fixed the sign at the front of the org?
Think Small!
Wow, you can be declared a Little League Rookie! What an honor.
Guys, if you are going to make up titles, at least have them sound impressive.
Well, maybe Little League IS appropriate…
Still working on “C”
Another “ideal org”…
Almost got their annual Clear here too.
As Max would say on “Get Smart” — missed it by thaaat much…
Fighting the evils of cannabis and alcohol…
Abandoned Japanese soldiers still fighting WW II on their own little island.
Pat Felske — of GO Canada infamy — is now on a new gig it seems.
Lots of luck with this. Sisyphus had an easier time of it.
Super Heroes!
Amazing Thetans. Exceptional thetans.
Dedicating themselves to a life of futility.
Spend an evening with a Clear
This seems about as exciting as “spend an evening with a man” or “drop in to hang with a guy off the train”…
This really IS desperation
9am Tuesday?
The WISE Rep FLB?
Bet this attendance is standing room only (because it is held in the broom closet)
The minimalist approach to promotion
They need Denice’s seminar OMG.
But would love to hear the “cogs” once they get the “reality” on how many 7 billion is…
Just for a rough idea to help you out:
If you made 1,000 Clears an hour, it would take 6 weeks to make a million, if you worked 24 hours a day.
At the same rate, it would take 115 YEARS to make a billion.
Or 805 years to make 7 billion.
Still think you are “Clearing the Planet”?
Anything for a photo op
Two of scientology’s biggest shills.
I am sure the WTH spread calming oil on the turbulent seas thanks to the voice of the IAS and scientology’s leading political groupie.
Boy, do they need Denice’s Seminar
What a mess. Pretty sad for an “Art Day” celebration
Ireland promotion
How is it that Dublin Ideal Org NEVER promotes to people who live in Ireland? They try to exclusively attract people from other countries?
Those who live there already “experience the beauty of Ireland.”
International Keynote Speaker
Seriously?
Foothills still trying to raise money
You know guys, Ron says you’re supposed to “do it with scientology, not bake sales.”
Target 2 revealed?
A Narconon in Turkey is home to LRH?
He did feature Turkey pretty heavily in Mission Earth.
Is this him hiding in plain sight? It’s a step up from living in a motor-home (isn’t it?)
Alert the media…
In Dallas, they have not cleared the building they bought. LMAO
I decided to play along with their Artists Convention. I sent some email to their invitational address. Before doing so, however, I used my special routing software to change my ISP to some place in Texas. I know not where.
As a result, I will appear to be a kind of Cowboy Hee Hah Yee Haw. Or maybe that’s a Yee Hah See Saw. I dunno. It ain’t worth the energy to try and figure this out. Anyway, here is a copy of some of my email exchanges with them:
————————————————————————————————————–
I thought you might like a copy of my emails back and forth with them. Please note my use of the words:
Skinatology,
abrazines – do you know what an “abrazine” is? Neither do I. But I figure it might be a good waste of their time to try and figure that out.
Moolan – We have a lot of cows down here in Texas. Mooooo!
hollerday – this is a kind of day we have down here in Texas where everyone goes out doors and holler “Howdy” at the moon! Waddya think?
artits – my tits, your tits, her tits, artits
>From: Milan Stephanie Spil [milans@celebritycentre.org]
>Sent: 4/19/2019 4:41:18 PM
>To: sevswe16@mail2world.com
>Subject: Re: Artists’ Convention
>
>Hi John!
>My name is Milan and I’m in charge of registrations for the Artists’ Convention.
> Carol info’ed me on her email back to you, but I wanted to find out what your
>plan was and if you needed my help to set up anything for you to be able to
>come. Let me know!
>Lv, Milan
Hello Moolan,
Lemme tell y’all. A “plan” sounds more like work to me. I wanna take a week off work to attend and so I want to treat this more like a hollerday. I plan to kick back and relax, put mah feet up and look and listen to everyone I can. I’m hoping to make some contacts I can use in the future to find out about possible contacts to help me get noticed. Is that enough?.
I also want to make it clear to y’all I ain’t planning to join Skinatology. I just wanna meet up wit other artits and learn any ideas they have for producing art.
By the way, please don’t be a putting me on any mailing lists and please don’t be a sending me any future requests I attend any of yer abrazines because I’m definitely not interested in that. OK DOK?
Thanks.
John.
lol! so did she get back to you? You do understand that by sending the email, they can now claim that you are one of them!!
Kat
Not yet. But I will keep you posted.
Any person that I know would take one look at “Moolan” and just walk away. But I may well be the only person who replied to this ad. You gotta wonder what happens when they get you alone in a hotel room for 3 or 4 days and you got no way of getting any food except through them. All in all, I would think it could well develop into a horror movie. Actually, that could be the plot for a real good movie.
I agree with you on that!!
Oh well. It appears I underestimated their savvy. They have not replied again and so I must admit it appears they have figured out I am not the big fat whale they were looking for. I was surprised at just how easy it was to dump them and throw them off my trail.
Usually, it is such a terrible problem to stop them from hounding people when it seems that all that is required is to give them the idea that the person they are pursuing is just laughing at them and trying to waste their time. Maybe I should have tried harder to appear “sincere”?
Here’s my take on this week’s “Thursday Funnies”:
FORT HARRISON EASTER-ALL ARE INVITED UNLESS YOU BELIEVE IN JESUS.
Well, that leaves me out.
DENICE DUFF.
Ah, shit! Not her again!
WHY DOES DUBLIN ORG RECRUIT FROM OTHER COUNTRIES?
Recruit the Irish? Are you nuts?! Aside from the fact that most of them are staunch Catholics, CofS knows that if anyone Irish walks into their org, they’ll automatically think “Magdalen Laundry” and go running down the street in terror!
And, of course, nothing as usual out of Nashville. Must still be recovering from that whole Marc Vallieres thing.
Denice Duff is now WAY too long in the tooth to effectively outflow what it was that she was “flowing out” that got her a few acting gigs back in the day. Compounding the inevitable aging problem for a Hollywood type is the fact that she can’t act and never could. Once she was a young, pretty, bad actress. Now she’s an aging, botoxed, more-skin-on-the-back-of-her head-than-on-her-face bad actress. No one is hiring her. Married to a Scientology whale, she has money and plenty of time on her hands. Unlike other well-to-do Hollywood wives of a certain age, charity work is out. Worthy causes are out. The cult wouldn’t care at all for this kind of other fish-fryin. Nor can Denice chase her lost youth by having an affair with their gardener or the pool man or some ambitious Hollywood male hottie. No, no, no, no. Even if her husband didn’t give a damn what this boring broad of his did with her afternoons, “out 2D” would mess up her Bridge progress. No out-2D for Denice. So what’s a wealthy, aging WhaleWife with time on her hands to do? Solution: hold seminars for gullible young cult members! Teach them how to do what she herself has never been able to do. Perfect!
By the way, I’m not bashing Denice Duff because of her age and because she’s had nips and tucks. I’m bashing her because she’s a bad actress. She was a future has been when she started out and now she’s achieved her goal.
We all get old and there’s nothing wrong with trying to look as good as one possibly can at any age without overdoing it.
I have a beef against “entertainers” with no talent. Their age is unimportant. Old, young, in between, handsome, homely, whatever. They don’t have TALENT.
The talented ones frequently get BETTER as they age. Some, like Jane Fonda keep their looks; others don’t. It doesn’t matter. They have TALENT. They’ve got it. Whatever “it” is, they’ve got it and that’s what knocks me out! Look at Kathy Bates. An amazing actress. She can make you laugh, cry. She can do drama. She’s a superb comedienne. And she can sing, she has a beautiful voice. She’s old, she’s fat. Who cares? I’d see any movie she was in. I adore her! Talent!
The talentLESS ones like Denice Duff and Kirstie Alley and countless others, well, no matter what they look like, they don’t belong up there.
That’s all, end of rant.
Aqua,
I have never even heard of her. Not that that is saying a lot since I dont watch much TV or go to many movies, but had no clue she was even an ‘actress’. I will definitely avoid watching anything she is in!
I went to IMDB and looked her up. Do you see that picture of her they are using? She appears to be in her 30s, doesn’t she? The truth is she is in her 50s. There must be some reason why they don’t want to show you what she really looks like.
Excellent rants, Aqua. I agree. Glenn Close is old but talented and I’d see anything she is in. She can sing so well too. She was amazing as Gloria Swanson in the live production of “Sunset Blvd” 20 or so years ago. But one correction to make: Jane Fonda has had more plastic surgery than you can shake a stick at!
Onesie’s, Twosie’s, Threesie’s, F’or.
Ple’z Br’ng Mon’e W’en Y’u Pa’s Th’ru Our’re D’or.
It’s an Apostropocalypse!
Credit (or credit’s) go to the wonderful author Neal Stephenson, who wrote the book REAMDE (not readme), in which I first became aware that an Astropocalypse was an event of world-changing magnitude, or at least, virtual-world changing magnitude. He found Apostropocalypse “a word hard to pronounce even when you were sober.”
AA’s,
obviously the apostrpoclypse’s will have a lot to do when dealing with scientologist’s as they’s not able to figure’s it out’s.
I really need to read that book.
its a grammortastrophy
Kat’s
An Astropoclypse? How’s about a Grammarclysm, y’all?
Skyler,
its scientology jargon! AKA malfunction junction. (not conjunction junction). You may have to look that up- not sure if they had school house rock in Canada.
Kat
Mike, your snark – thanks as always. Thursday Funnies are always chuckleworthy.
“TACO TIME”…”Be sure to come hungry…”
Not.
BIG mistake to go to ANY Scn event “hungry”.
Not the worst food I’ve ever eaten, but close.
And even this poorly cooked, greasy, high carb crap got hogged and devoured. You’d think no one had ever given these people a hot meal before.
In retrospect, I see today that very likely they were really hungry – for real, hungry.
I used to eat beforehand. Firm policy. Never be hungry at one of these things.
I’d fill up on salted nuts if I was pressed for time.
if they were sea-org, then they probably WERE starving!
Actually, Kat, I don’t believe Sea Org were permitted to eat at events. Eating at these things was “off purpose” for them. I don’t recall every seeing Sea Org members eating at these things. Today I believe it very likely that they WERE hungry, and tired, too, which is why they tended to stand and sort of glower at us in a low level way. Now, the org staff would eat but not that much. It was my fellow public who’d inhale plate after piled plate like it was their last meal hot meal. It really turned me off. Just another reason I hated events and avoided them whenever possible.
Aqua,
So the sea orgres stay hangry? That makes sense. Unfortunately the phenomenon of having people inhale plate after plate of food isn’t confined to scientology. If you’ve ever had the misfortune to see a buffet restaurant, its the same thing. It reminds me of starving wolves. Yuk
Kat
I simply cannot believe I am living on the same Planet with these people trapped inside this delusional reality bubble. It’s actually horrifying. They didn’t get body routed — they got body snatched.
How folks like Mike Rinder and Leah Remini escaped the Scientology goo pods they were encased in is beyond me. I would be traumatized for life.
Seems to me Hubbard thought long and hard on how he could set himself up in such a way so law enforcement, IRS… NO ONE CAN TOUCH Them.
They can harass and threaten people out of hard earned $$$, can make people disappear, buy off anyone and be tax exempt.
What mob wouldn’t want that?
Oh, and brainwash people to boot.
All in the name of “religion “
Is it just me or does Gregg Ramsey bear an eerie resemblance to the members of “Heavens Gate” cult? The track suit and the forced smile…
I notice the pie auctions continue- they will easily raise those millions they need with the pies. (sorry I get obsessed with this, but it just seems so inept- they try to raise hundreds of thousands of dollars, but have pie auctions to raise money. What, exactly is in these pies?)
The sheer desperation of these fliers tells its own story. It seems like they are really reaching for anything that might bring in a buck or two.
Kat
I have a theory that worldwide, all Scientology Orgs have only completed filing letters A-C into CF. So if you’ve ever brushed up against a scientologist on a bus somewhere, you’re only going to get naggy letters if your last name starts with A-C. Am I wrong? Not that kind of Central File?
I know geography is tough for these morons with no formal education, but Ventura is NOT central CA in any way shape or form. F*ck I hate these people. They are wrong about everything they spew.
Interesting catch. That hides the fact that they don’t have any orgs in central California itself, in the 300 miles between Ventura (once Santa Barbara moves 30 miles South) and San Jose (Los Gatos). There’s just one mission in a little space in an office park inland in in Fresno, that’s only open 4 or 5 days a week – not including Sunday – in the afternoon and early evening.
Central California is actually almost Scientology-free! A couple of years ago the Fresno mission downgraded from a retail space in a strip mall, and it appears that the current mission holder is in his late 60s, so the mission’s next step could well be to vanish entirely.
The “black suit pose:
“Beam me up Xenu, there’s no life in Scientology”….
I can easily teach people how to become prosperous….get the HELL OUT OF COS…..it’s as simple as that.
Mike,
Off-topic, but I recently saw a post by Dave Fagen, and wanted to contact him.
If it’s ok with Dave, could you please forward me his e-mail address? Thanks.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=2419701934735651&set=a.983049348400924&type=3&theater
Has anyone ever considered this an artistic expression of the man behind the myth? I see this King of the Orgs, and that King Squirrel must have a horde of nuts. I am not in favor of that stupid title but it sure seems fitting since he is the current main charisma organizer of the entire religion’s world media presence.
What’s interesting about that “International Artist’s Convention” (I assume the placement of that apostrophe means the convention belongs to only 1 artist) is that it is not listed on the events page of the Celebrity Centre website. Lots of other events are taking place at Celebrity Centre in April and May, but I don’t see a 3-day convention listed. I would love to see the speaker list for that event. Can anyone find that for me?
Yeah, it is a wonder that they can be lured by the carrot of making the central coast “ideal,” and not notice that it hasn’t resulted in anything in Northern or Southern California.
I looked up Duff on IMDB, and like most scientologist actors, her career is on a downward trajectory, with her most recent “work” being a couple of straight-to-video vampire movies. Does the thousand-yard-stare leave them particularly suited for zombie and vampire roles?
The Columbus CF project indeed seems to be on track to get done in the next year or two – but how soon is the org suppose to open, this fall?
It’s a strange twist that mission franchises like Foothills are reduced to trying to raise money from their customers. I had a peek at their website and noticed that it deceptively uses, as a background image, a picture of the big, airy course room at the DC “ideal” org. Their failed crowdfunding attempt a while back revealed the actual conditions of their old basement commercial-industrial space, and that the renovations wouldn’t even be that much of an improvement:
https://www.mikerindersblog.org/thats-some-ideal-mission/
The flyer about the WTH seminar for kids and “come in your pajamas” really creeped me out. PJ’s for a 1:00 pm seminar? Knowing that some kids in the SO were molested, this just is not the right way to promote a seminar for kids IMHO.
And the two old ladies hugging cuz one of them joined the SO? That saddens me because I know that old people are not given any special treatment in the SO, and the hard work and lack of sleep and face rippings will tear their souls and hearts from them, and will probably make them die earlier than if they’d not joined SO. Just a hunch. So sad.
Monterey and Salinas both had missions back in the nineties. They didn’t last long. They closed and never returned. So much for the Central Coast. So how about the Central Valley? Maybe they’re ripe for some ideal org action. Around 2010 they did have a mission in Fresno that was very short lived.
There’s still a mission in Fresno, though it appears to have been taken over at some point by a podiatrist in his late 60s, and recently downgraded to a small out-of-the-way office space with limited hours – I posted a few more details in another comment. Unless I’ve overlooked a mission, that’s it for all of actual central California, and it sounds like they indeed may be close to losing even that toehold.
Even as Scientology “expands,” wide swaths of the country are actually being “cleared” of any remaining Scientology presence. It would be interesting to do a map of all the places where they had missions or orgs in the 1970s and 1980s, and perhaps including into the 90s, compared to where they have a presence left today.
I’ve got to hear what LRH has to teach about taking criticism. He was so good at it. Ha!
If Gavin Potter meets Micheal Chan, will the universe implode? Make certain that meeting never happens.
Mike, your comments today are hilarious. These need to be included in your Greatest Hits.
“Bet this attendance is standing room only. (Because it is held in the broom closet).”
And that, ladies & gentlemen, IS Scientology. Makes you want to join, doesn’t it?
Are they Ideal Brooms in there? Wouldn’t want no stinking knock offs sweeping me away.
They damn well better be! Knock offs will get you 3 years in the Hole.
Only three?
“Only $250
To discover about ethics and the artist! And 20 other things. In fact, everything you would ever need to know about the arts. Except how to perform…
Let the master artist L. Ron Hubbard be your guide.”
Seems the cult has a different interpretation of the word ethics than most people do.
It’s always sort of amusing the see the eclectic collection of honey traps the cult members have to come up with to make mo money! No wonder DM loves TC and his favorite scene just has the the be the “show me the money” scene!
(an artist once told me I had an eclectic personality – not sure if that meant everything from crazy bitch to gentle soul)
Peggy – My mother had a sweatshirt imprinted with:
I am not a bitch
I am THE bitch
And to you I’m MISS bitch
Richard,
I prefer Queen Bitch!!
Kat
“Queen Bitch LaRue” sounds scary. Mom was more moderate.
Richard,
I think moms are supposed to be more moderate- Im sure my son wishes I was!
Kat
Richard, Kat,
Speaking of tee shirts, I saw one for sale on the internet with
Sorry I’m Late
I Didn’t Want To Come.
on the front. Sold in a variety of colors. Google it and you’ll see.
I’d call this the Ideal Tee Shirt.
Aqua,
That sounds absolutely perfect.
Kat
Richard, love your mom’s t-shirt 🙂 . I have a girl friend who told me that someone had called her a bitch, and she said “they called me that like it was a bad thing!”
Peggy – funny – I guess you could say your friend has an “attitude”. lol
LOL Richard, would that be a distinction without a difference?
Miss Bitch? or Mistah Bitch?
We already got a MistahBitch and they took him away for his own good.
Skyler,
Theres your new name for Miscavige: MistahBitch!
K
It would be a serious mistake to take any kind of advice from Denise Duff or anyone from that EMA org. The site has been online for 5 years and at the moment has an Alexa global ranking of 4,554,184. That’s about as close as you can get to non-existence and still register a barely detectable online pulse.
And the dimwitted Scio, Herman Strijewski, who registered the site in 2014 is clearly not very knowledgeable about online security. Surprising, considering he calls himself a software developer.
The following info was easily extracted off the web:
Herman’s Scn rapsheet:
http://www.truthaboutscientolog.com/stats/by-name/h/herman-strijewski.html
website registrants organization: Wise Eastern US
Herman’s Address:
500 N Osceola Ave, Apt 105
Clearwater, FL 33755
Phone: 727-466-0716
Email: herman@strijewski.com
So hey, drop him a line and compliment him on the his super successful website that get’s no visitors.
https://www.effectivemanagement.us
Effective management? Pardon me while I roll on the floor laughing.
Chris,
Thanks for the opportunity to have some fun and mischief!! You rock.
Kat
Thank you for the notes and comments you made Mike, this is what makes it funny to read.
The true level of ignorance is showing through more and more clearly every week.
Wow. Belleair Life Improvement Center!
Has Belleair Mission of Scientology changed its name all together?
Does Scientology have a bad name?
No. No it’s not not. Scientology has an exceptional reputation! Why, I can point out many ways that Scientology has help people……Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha. Sorry. I couldn’t hold back. Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
Scientology seems to have been experimenting with the Life Improvement Center branding for a while, though without an obvious pattern I can make out – but probably indeed as part of an attempt to try to find a way to escape their bad name. Some of the LICs seem to be a sort of “ideal” version of missions, such as the ones in Tampa and Seattle, outfitted much like the new org facilities and apparently subsidized by “whales.” But then the Mission of Deep Ellum in Texas, which is in an ignominious location and seems as if it may be about to go under, has Life Improvement Center branding on its window.
The website is still branded as “The Scientology Mission of belleair [sic]. Life improvement courses and Dianetics.” Maybe in that case, the idea is that the Life Improvement Center is a function located within the mission.
Haha, John Miles is a public/staff that used to work for Rex Fowler–what a mix. He is broke and in debt, but really promotes himself as something special. He can’t afford to pay his bills for his daughter’s CW Academy school but is going to help other people? I guess he is better than some of these SeaOrg people that have never been outside.
Usually those guest speakers get a split of FSM commission for each person who routes onto a service as a result of that seminar. Or in the case of the Ship seminars, each person who goes to the ship generates an FSM commission. The speakers all get to split up the commission with the org who is sponsoring the event. So for John Miles, if he is as broke and broken as Steven Smith says, this talk is vital to get a little moola in the door.
Desperate, desperate, desperate, Mary.
Desperate for ANYONE to walk in the door, even if they walk right back out again after learning they’ve been fooled and have in fact entered a Church of Scientology.
“Change our name. Scrub ALL mention of Scientology, Dianetics and L. Ron Hubbard from our promo. Install a flashing neon sign, OUTSIDE, paint the building hot pink and the roof lime green, offer free coffee and donuts at Reception! Do SOMETHING. ANYTHING! Do WHATEVER it will take, but please, please, PLEASE, and for crying out loud, get a non-staff, Non-Sea Org, living, breathing, ambulatory mass of human protoplasm under the age of 60 to walk thru this door!”
Aqua,
It still wont work- they may come in the door and eat a doughnut, but I can almost guarantee they wont stay long.
Kat