Realized?
They must have a VERY different definition.
Perhaps they have finally “realized” that they are NEVER going to make any inroads into anything….
This seems appropriate for once… And
A mentalist and illusionist. Will fit right in with the delusionists….
After 40 years…
He FINALLY learned how to study.
I guess this “tech” wasn’t so great. It couldn’t help this guy for all those years.
Amazing what these enforced “success” stories reveal.
Oh Wow 3 Clears in 2 weeks
That is their quota for the year done…
Even if they carried on at this rate of “Never before seen expansion” (and it won’t be seen again soon either) they would still make a lot less than 100 Clears in a YEAR. Las Vegas has about 2 million people. They should have Clearing their zone wrapped up in… never.
PS appears Alex Serrano is 33% of the LV public…
Something Can Be Done About It
Just not by you…
Guarantee if anyone drops by this “cavalcade” there will be less people in attendance than even this meager showing.
Clear the Midwest
Even more ambitious than Vegas…
They have like 6 STATES. And no org…
Confusion Reigns
The quote is mumbo-jumbo. The image is a hot mess.
Who is Max Longu?
The Little League is still little
These guys are getting nowhere fast.
Wonder what he said?
We love Jesus?
This is ALL for show.
Darth Vader is going to make it happen…
This is going to be THE BIGGEST event.
Every event is the “biggest event”
But still, I don’t get why Darth Vader?
Wait, Kevin Wilson, isn’t he the ED Valley?
They announced it. Several times.
How can ANYTHING be more important than being on staff in the biggest and bestest scientology org on earth? NOTHING could be more important?
So, what’s happening?
Your Super Power…
Is apparently unleashed by putting on a white jacket and standing in some contraption and holding onto handles…
Ready for takeoff like one of those guys with a rocket backpack… Or is is a torture device? Video game? S&M harness?
A soiree to get ready for OT IX and X
Sit around, hold hands, light some candles and summon the spirits from beyond to impart great wisdom. Perhaps you can get hold of Ron on Target 2 and he can help prepare you?
You would think after 30 years they would be ready already.
Might actually be helpful
Better than trying to get people in to listen to those rambling LRH lectures…
Why?
Have you been to Birmingham recently? Noticed anything different there since the “ideal” org opened?
It’s Epic!
10 years of absolutely zero impact.
They haven’t even generated enough interest to get Stockholm org on the map…
Nobody in tiny Malmo even knows they exist, let alone the rest of Sweden.
And all of Scandinavia? Hah. The “orgs” in Helsinki and Oslo barely exist at all.
“Activities for non-Scientologists”
What might they be? Brunch?
Pasadena does it in style…
This “ideal” org doesn’t even qualify for a Sea Org member from the Freewinds.
And whoever Manuel Suarez is, he is going to Skype it in.
Jeez, get Craig Jensen to buy him a plane ticket to at least show up in person.
How insulting.
Dianetics in disfavor
Doesn’t even qualify for an event any more.
Used to be an internationally televised event.
Then an “Int event” but with content sent out from Gold to all orgs.
Then a local org event.
Now an Open House…
Brown Noses?
Canberra “org”?
Not really. This place vies with Harare, Bulawayo, Calgary, Oslo and St Etienne as the most miserably failing tiny orgs on earth.
Well this guy is really important
The Econologics Institute… he doesn’t even make it to “The Team” on their website?
Just weird AF
These are the guys “Clearing Scandinavia”
Celebrity Center Easter Service.
Brought to you by scientology.
Just think about that for a minute.
This is just so fucking WRONG on every fucking level.
I love ‘ya scientology.
You make me laugh out loud almost every day, from your sociopathic COB, to your empty gilded buildings, please keep on bringing the comedy gold!
Ha Ha Ha!
Make that 5 midwestern states- the Milwaukee mission is marked as closed on Google, and the August 2018 street view shows the office complex it was in vacant and surrounded by construction fence. The mission and the defunct address are still listed on Scientology’s website, so they may be trying to find a way to keep it alive, but it’s ironic that they’re apparently struggling to maintain even a token presence in a metropolitan area of 1.5 million people, at the same time that they’re referring to somehow clearing the whole region. And they could be down to having a presence in just 4 of the 12 midwestern states if the Wichita mission wasn’t presumably being propped up by Kirstie Alley.
The Hubbard quote that “Ethics are the factors of survival” is indicative of how he redefined the term and took a bizarrely Darwinian, survival-of-the-fittest approach to spirituality. That goes hand-in-hand with his and Scientology’s egoistic, ends-justifies-the-means thinking.
The Columbus OTC seem to be the only people left they can really count on to volunteer at the org, according to that chart, which is probably indicative of how they’re shrinking and struggling – and yet being put in a massive new facility.
p.s. Tony Ortega has a piece today showing just what sorry shape the Albuquerque org is in – my guess is that they have taken down their signs in preparation for a typical move to even cheaper space on a month-to-month lease, while they
https://tonyortega.org/2019/04/26/scientology-breaking-bad-signs-of-desperation-in-both-hemispheres/
The baseball analogy…resting in the Bullpen after you cross home plate?! HAHA!!
Once again they only show how out of touch they are! Baseball is one of America’s favorite sports! Yet, they are clueless!
This is too funny! Maybe the next one will be about Football and how they scored a run!
A, B, and C scored and are resting IN THE BULLPEN? WHO is going to pitch? Methinks they meant “Dugout”. Even though I haven’t played the game or watched it for a half-century, I remember THAT much. The bullpen isn’t for resting, it’s for warming up the next pitcher. SMH.
And that little mermaid is adorable. Was there a message she was supposed to deliver?
Once again, that CF is spending More time figuring things out about the job than actually getting it DONE.
FILE, DON’T READ, is another important lesson.
JUXTAPOSE THEIR BILL BOARD WITH ONE OF THESE:
WANT OUT, WE CAN HELP….CONTACT THE AFTERMATH FOUNDATION…………….
Now that’s one hellava great idea! Outstanding!
I Googled the artist giving the free painting lesson, and her dad’s blog came up in the search (Carl Watts). On his blog, he suggests that people sign up to drive for Lyft and Uber because they have good sign-on bonuses. He then writes about how he talks to people about his beliefs while driving. Is this a thing Scientology is doing? If I reserve a Lyft, am I going to get a Scientology lecture. Cripes, first we have to be afraid we are going to murdered by our Uber driver, and now we have to watch out for the Scientology lectures. Good grief. What’s next?
Again – they steal a movie poster – I wasn’t aware George Lucas or Disney were on board with Scientology…SMH!
I’d be interested in knowing how Disney would react to this blatant use of their Star Wars poster. They are CRAZY protective of their stuff!
It’s especially crazy since they are always bashing Disney and A&E about “Aftermath.”
And yet, they still do it. And have been for years.
And people have emailed and tweeted the images to Disney.
And they still do it.
So it appears Disney isn’t going to make them stop. Weird.
Ill let you know sue when the Sydney branch of Disney get back to me after they see that poster lol. As you just said they are crazy hard on copyright in my country.
The area code on the Kansas City poster is an LA number not a Missouri number. Now that is funny.
I’ll bet that it’s the cell number of a sea org ” missionaire ” from L.A.
Atlantis?!? Of course my first thought is that this is just one of their goofy themes for a fundraising event. But then it dawned on me that this is seriously about Atlantis. And that this is Scientology. Scientology is a magnet for people with all manner of woo beliefs. Since “Atlantis” is actually mentioned in Plato (in a clearly allegorical context), we actually have more validation for the existence of Atlantis than we do for all the so-called researches that Hubbard performed.
But Google says!
Church of Scientology of Australian Capital Territory
Christian Church
For real? Christian in what universe?
In baseball, after you finish your at-bat, you go to the dugout to rest and wait. But A, B, and C went to the BULL PEN instead? The bull pen is where relief pitchers throw pitches to warm up before they go pitch.
I think we can safely say that A, B, and C are completely misfiled.
Columbus must have some enormous CF. It’s taking them forever to complete just a few letters. The suspense is riveting … which will happen first: CF completion or Ideal Org opening? (It’s a trick question, neither. The new Ideal property was acquired in 2010 and has been languishing ever since. And the disordered CF can’t go to an Ideal Org. Deadlocked.)
P.S. SO and Staff are busy clearing the planet and have no time to understand the complexities of MEST baseball.
For this CF project, they’ve specifically said that it takes 20 minutes per folder. And while they haven’t stated the actual size that I know of, from what I remember when other orgs have given away details, they can range from 15,000 to 40,000 files. Columbus is probably towards the lower end of that range, but every 10,000 files thus require about 3,000 hours of work, which gives an idea of the task they face.
Columbus seems as is if might be on track to be one of the new “ideal” facility opening this fall; they’ve shown all the classic signs of actually ramping up for construction, like declaring fundraising “complete” and applying for building permits, and now starting in on the CF work, though I can’t remember if there are reports of construction . But at the rate they’re going, they won’t be done with the CF until about next spring, anyway.
Rod Keller predicted a few months ago that “Austin is next to open, then Kansas City, then Ventura and finally Columbus”; I know that there have been reports of construction, or at least preparations for construction, at the first 3:
https://tonyortega.org/2018/12/16/where-in-the-us-the-next-set-of-scientology-ideal-orgs-will-be-popping-up-next/
Orlando’s central file project had to sent to Clearwater for volunteers to work on, and I think there were signs that it still wasn’t quite done by the time of the “ideal” facility opening – itself delayed a couple of weeks, at the last minute, because other things weren’t ready – so Scientology is apparently getting down to such tough cases with these remaining small and failing orgs, that they’re compromising on even the previous standards of dog-and-pony-show window dressing. From opening week pictures it appears that Orlando also seems never to have even gotten their staffing up over two dozen, so the pretense of having a large complement present when the new facility first opens has also been dropped, so they probably rely more than ever on “postulate” contracts that they get people from far away to sign, in order technically meet some quote for opening.
If your’e going to employ clever metaphors, it helps to know a little bit about the subject from which you’re elaborating. Of course that never stops Scios who typically operate from a knowledge base lacking, well, reality. And it’s typical across the entire Scio universe. They’re funny people. Their complete unawareness of the normal regular world makes for a lot of weird incomprehensible promo.
Susan:
“I think we can safely say that A, B, and C are completely misfiled.”
BINGO! Impeccable logic, there.
“Who’s on first?”
“What’s on second?”
“I don’t know is on third.”
I wonder if they can figure this out.
“I cracked my case as a student after 40 years.” Well, blow me down. You must be so proud. Is it going to be another 40 years for your next step? Because you’ll probably be dead by then.
I cracked my case the other day… geezers! Had to get that special super glue that needs a primer first. What a mess it all turned out to be, stuck my fingers to the door knob and would you believe it, petted the cat. Ever been stuck to a door knob with a wild pussy ripping your other hand to pieces? Fuck!
“…Ever been stuck to a door knob with a wild pussy ripping your other hand to pieces.”
No. But thinking about it sure is fun.
Wild Pussy: All female band.
Hilarious. 40 years. I’d be embarrassed to admit this to an auditor while in session, but for this guy its a huge win he wants to share with the world.
“Do the Student Hat Course! You too can learn how to study by the time you’re 65!”
OMG, too funny, you really can’t make this stuff up.
Anybody else feels the Thursday Funnies are getting less funny? They used to be good for a few chuckles and giggles, but lately they’ve been just simply stupid and cringe worthy.
I am not talking about Mike’s commentary, those are still good, but the material he has to work with. Nothing new or interesting is coming from the cult, almost as if they are running on fumes and quit trying. Hopefully it is just the calm before the storm, and a lot of entertainment will come our way.
I have noticed the downward surge in the funnieness as well. They seem to be infatuated with volcanoes, pirates, cowboys, star wars folk, etc. What those things have to do with religion, is completely beyond me. Big problem is, that I have an estranged niece, who was born into the cult, and she works for a ‘culty’ graphic designer. Although she has estranged herself from me, I would hate to think that she is part of this low intelligence form of advertising. By the way, Aus. is short for Australia!!
I think the Funnies get funnier all the time. Mike’s snark makes my day. Scientology is so beyond the beyond and over the top it could be a Mel Brooks satire Speaking of whom, can you imagine what a field day he’d have with our favorite cult? If only, if only.
I don’t go the details of the promotion pieces. In my pre DM days I don’t recall any such goofy advertising but it probably existed to some extent, mostly advertising the latest and greatest new rundowns being offered. I guess with current printing tech it’s easy to print glossy promo and send it out if that’s what is done. I don’t know where these promo pieces appear. Magazines? Mail outs?
Somehow I inadvertently ended up on Ken Wilber’s “Integral Life” email list. About once a week I get a promo piece from them. Maybe the CoS currently doesn’t try to keep members off the internet and does likewise, assuming true believers won’t bother looking at internet entheta.
Richard, remember that in Hubbard’s time there were publications with goofy things like OT stories, plus Ron’s Journals and other public issues from him telling tall tales and making outlandish promises. If you look at the old magazines, newsletters, and promo pieces, they definitely look strange in their own way, though when Hubbard was still alive they focused more on new tech – introduced to supposedly finally do what had been previously been promised, and failed – and the need to save the planet from some imminent apocalypse, or at least to avoid the monthly price increases (Hubbard’s response to the inflation of the 1970s, and his growing avarice).
The current regime doesn’t have Hubbard’s personality or the ability to continually introduce new “tech,” so they have to work somewhat different different angles. It’s reached a pretty mundane level of money-grubbing, but it’s also not entirely without precedent.
I did a quick check, and here for instance Tony Ortega has some of those cheesy old OT “phenomena”:
https://tonyortega.org/2018/04/18/spinning-cars-self-healing-cuts-more-ot-ghost-stories-from-scientologists/
Jeffrey Augustine has an old piece promoting OT III (not VIII, IX or X) as the “Breakthrough to the Spirit World”:
https://scientologymoneyproject.com/2015/09/13/scientology-church-spokesman-karin-pouw-destroys-scientology-ot3-ot8/
PM – I LIKED the OT Success Stories back then! It gave me something to shoot for. I recall being annoyed when they came out with new rundowns. They cost a fortune and you could only get them at Flag. I was hoping that OT8 was the end of the road or top of the bridge and I would BE THERE in full OT-ness! Exterior with full perception seemed radical but I thought I might pick up an extrasensory perception or two along the way. Thanks for the memories.
Part of the problem is that they seem to be making fewer ads for high-level services, and more ads for outright regging.
I loved those mysterious ads that at least promised to let you peek behind the curtain of immortality, or made the e-meter seem like a science fiction instrument.
unelected – Me too. The guy in the Super Power ad looks like he’s getting ready to use his e-meter to go astral planing around the universe. That’s some cool subliminal advertising.
As I understand it, when you astral plane or astral project you remain attached to your body with a silver thread or something. Scn talked about exteriorization which would be out of the body with no attachment at all which might be scary. I’d prefer to remain attached to my body with the silver thread and the e-meter cans so I could get back between my ears when the exploration was over.
(thursday funnies)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Astral_plane
That baseball analogy is just awful. After a player crosses home plate, they certainly do NOT go to the “bullpen”. That is just stupid.
And Mike, the reason for the Darth Vader is because May 4th has come to be known as Star Wars Day. May The 4th Be With You! Obvious play on May The Force Be With You. Maybe they think they are Jedi when we know scientology is the Dark Side.
God, I can’t believe I am one month away from leaving California and moving to Clearwater.
I just gotta say it. I’m sorry. But I waited and waited for someone else to say it. I don’t like hurting the feelings of little girls. Little boys too. Matter of fact, I don’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings – especially if it’s not really called for.
But when it comes to poor little Hejsan (I refer to her as “poor and little” because of the outfit she is wearing. All I can say is that something sure does look “fishy” to me. Don’t you think? Or am I alone in feeling that way? Take a good look at little Hejsan and see if you don’t agree.
If her parents are in the S.O., who would have dressed her up to look that way? It’s kind of hideous and scary at the same time.
OMG! She looks to be about 6 years old. I hope that is true because it would mean she prob cannot read which means she won’t get to feeling insulted and she won’t have her feelings hurt. Poor girl! Who would have done such a thing to a little child? It is just hideous!
This pic is not of ‘Hejsan’. It is a stock photo used, I assume, to demonstrate the ‘dress up’ atmosphere of the ‘Atlantis’ event. If you TinEye this pic it comes back to several online shops selling costumes. What has ‘Atlantis’ lore to do with Scientology…who knows…
ETA – I agree it’s not a very pretty costume…
Oops. Thank you for that correction.
That picture sexualizes children in my opinion. someone obviously telling her to look sexy in that pose. Gross!!
Ann – I don’t see it that way. She’s just a cute little girl striking a feminine pose. Little girls like to play dress up. Dressing up in a burka wouldn’t be much fun. I used to dress up like Hopalong Cassidy if anyone remembers that 1950’s cowboy show. Even Mr. Hubbard liked to play dress up.
Anything – ANYTHING! To get people in. Atlantis, the Magical Rune Stones, the Dead Sea Scrolls, the Great Flood, crop circles, flying saucers – WHATEVER! Pick an Ancient Mystery and hold a “seminar” on it to PULLthe idiots IN so they can be milked and squeezed for a few more bucks.
FREE! fREEDOM! AGENDA! Oh, and yes, use a cute little girl for bait to explain Atlantis (they have no shame). A soiree for A GATHERING OF OT VII’S AND OT VIII’S (with art and LRH! Holy cow, for, how many? No wonder it’s only light refreshments.)
Lots of pretty colors and reams of paper.
Off Topic – Five Stars for Tony Ortega’s blog this morning.
Best funnies of all are all of whackjob Hubbard’s OT original documents posted at Wikileaks at
https://wikileaks.org/wiki/Church_of_Scientology_collected_Operating_Thetan_documents
About 700 pages of unhinged, what-the-fuck.
Everything you ever wanted to know about the OT levels and getting rid of the invisible space aliens infesting your soul found here.
How about blowing those BT clusters!
If you’re trapped in the cult low on the fake Bridge to Nowhere and lurking this blog here’s a preview of what’s coming for ya
?????
Wow, I skimmed though that. I guess most policy he created can be filed under POOHA (Pulled Out Of Hubbard’s Ass).
Come to Sweden with their bullshit!?! Ha ha! We would spank them all the way across the border! Jehovas too! In Sweden we hate all sects.
You’re doing a good job Mike. Keep going until David”slappy”Miscavige abdicated from his throne.
Whenever I see the city of Malmo listed somewhere, I always think about “Bron/Broen.” What would Saga have thought about Scientology in Malmo?
They can’t be serious. Canberra ‘’org’’ has been a disaster for years . Open – closed etc. Canberra is the political capital of Australia. Full of politicians & public servants . Even they are too smart for this wank .
So much for the Canberra Org. They can berra it 10 feet under and do the world a favor.
On the staff for the KC Ideal Org, question, Is it normal for staffing to not be handled at the local level? I noticed the area code was in LA and not anywhere in Missouri or Kansas.
Might be a “Sea Org Recruitment Mission” there right now, in which case the number on the promo is likely a cell phone of the Sea Org member flown in from LA to try and recruit for KC Org… could be fun to troll that number, or even better, offer that poor soul an anonymous message that they can get out and leave the oppressive life they feel stuck in.
We see LA phone numbers used on a lot of these pieces, which is probably an indication of how Scientology is faltering across the country, and increasingly relying on being propped up from their remaining bastion in Southern California.
We’ve seen promo pieces for Kansas City showing a typical gathering of about 50 people, mostly older, which is what the active memberships of the orgs are apparently down to these days:
https://tonyortega.org/2018/04/22/everything-even-scientology-is-up-to-date-in-kansas-city-and-heres-whos-responsible/
Scrolling through the other promo pieces there’s an interesting reference that once construction funding is complete, then they launch into yet another phase, of raising money for furniture, fixtures and equipment – so much of a part of the fundraising scheme that it even has its own moniker, “FF&E.”
I was treated to the church’s new billboard a few cities north of Clearwater yesterday. It said something to the effect that you don’t have to be a scientologist to watch scientology TV. Yea, Great come-on. That’ll get people to start watching for sure. Maybe it’ll even get them to change their minds about scientology.
David miscavige and his cruel little church are running out of people to fool some of the time or maybe it’s that he’s running out of time to fool some of the people.
“That’ll get people to start watching Scientology TV. Maybe it’ll change their minds about Scientology.”
Bwahahahahahahahahahahah!!! But, hey, who am I to say. I’m just a Wog…
Ha ha! “You don’t need to be a Scientologist to watch Scientology TV.” Well, that’s true. The cult is right. Anyone with an extremely high boredom threshold can watch it.