It’s Halloween and the IAS Event all mixed up. There’s a reg waiting for you behind every gravestone. Freddy Kruger and the Texas Chainsaw guy are movie characters. Those IAS regges are real.
Makes for a week of fine funnies…
There’s nothing kids like more…
I attended a local Halloween event where all local organizations and businesses were giving out Trick Or Treat candy. The CCHR tent gave them a DVD. They probably collected $20,000 to hand out DVDs which were all thrown in the trash.
Distrubute…
The Super Bowl is a fundraising opportunity too!
This is wonderful . Thank you very much.
How inspiring! What an “LRH quote” that is…
More fundraising…
Huh?
Didn’t want that amazing artwork to go to waste.
Confirm now
Even though we have no idea where this is going to be… Must be that brilliant “admin tech” at work again.
Plans straight from the top…
Yeah, they all got the boot because this “ideal” org, even by the dismal standards set by “ideal orgs” around the world, is a complete and utter failure.
IAS Halloween
Feel the fear. Scream at the top of your lungs. Hide your face.
The IAS Regges will be there.
Game Changer
Must be a “surveyed button” as this whole thing makes NO sense. Cars. CEO of your life. etc etc
More Game Changering
Definitely someone came up with this on a survey. Totally meaningless…
Thursday Halloween
Did anyone tell them it’s on Saturday?
But there will be regges there. So if you want to have a fight night, it’s the perfect place to be.
How spiritual
For you Dave…
The top of the Bridge
The Sea Org orgs are the guardians of the top of the Bridge. Except ASHO. It’s at the bottom.
RTC Alert
Dallas org is squirreling. They are promoting some other practices here… Call in the gestapo. Obviously, this is another “ideal” org that is really rocking and rolling.
Seriously?
They are actually saying this out loud?
Eeerrrmmmm, excuse me…
Are you aware of the fact that Matt Feshbach declared bankruptcy and is still in the midst of a lengthy court case with the IRS in Federal Court Tampa which accuses him of serious tax fraud? Does Dave know this?
More news from the cultural epicenter
Can’t they even fake it that they have some non-imports in this “ideal org”?
Psych Search
Grubbing for motel money…
From: records@PsychSearch.net
To:
Subject: Shock Treatment Manufacturer Moves to Florida
Date: Sun, 25 Oct 2015
An electroshock machine manufacturer, Somatics LLC, just moved their HQ to Florida. We visited
on Tuesday, at the crack of dawn, took some shots of the exterior and did some other things and
included a chat with an employee – which we’ll be writing about. Turns out they don’t even have a
biz license to operate as required. I’ll be doing a short piece this week on this and will have an
accompanying new Verde cartoon.
I’d like to ask you to make it easier on us to continue this investigation!
Back us up at least with the hotel expense $119.00. Click here:
https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=CFTKE6TYPRXY6
And finally…
This pretty much says it all when it comes to the current scene in the city with the largest concentration of scientologists on earth. This is a billboard for the model ideal org of Los Angeles…
Hi Mike,I think a Sea Org uniform complete with Scientology Cross,Clear & OT bracelets DMSMH book and the arc/krc logo will give one and all the fright of their lives.And do not forget the impeccably dressed OSAers really Spooky.Happy Halloween and Love, Ann.
Unfortunately, the seminars will tell members the best way to flow energy up the bridge will be for them to overcharge their customers as much as they can get away with.
I suspect it’s nothing but a list of tricks and mindfreaks to hide the true cost of whatever product they’re selling.
Worst case they can always declare bankruptcy and let the credit card companies finance their OT levels and status donations.
Before my body fell apart, my job was cold calling Fortune 500 companies, and I was damned good at it.
One thing I learned was that when anyone told you he/she had the perfect solution for your needs, hiring them was an invitation to bankruptcy (unless you had a monopoly position, like cable providers…)
Take STATS based systems. Supposedly with stats, you can run your business more efficiently. Like Scientology’s weekly stats. Let’s look at a couple of situations:
Sales Person A makes $0.00 sales in week one. Obviously PTS, and needs to be demoted.
Sales Person B makes $500.00 sales.
Sales Person C makes $3,000.00 sales.
In week two, Sales Person A is doing amends, so makes no sales. Sales Person B makes $500.00 sales, but since sales did not increase, must be PTS. Sales Person C makes $10,000.00 sales.
In week three, Sales Person A is back onlines, drops a major project, and makes $100.00 sale out of desperation, so is in affluence. Sales Person B has been blasted scrambles, and makes $525.00 sales, and is in affluence. Sales Person C has sales of $2,000.00, but customer from week one returns goods, as ordered Widget A at $1.00 a piece, received and was billed for Widget B at $30.00 a piece, so sales are actually a negative number…
*****
Or to take a real life example from before I got given the Fortune 500 gig, I spent close to two hundred hours over eighteen months working on a customer. Zero sales. But then I landed them, and what I had predicted would be a $250,000.00 per year account turned into a $1,000,000.00 per year account.
A stats driven model would have shown me as a total loser. Up until I got the signed contract.
Another project I worked on took FOUR YEARS to the first sale. We invested a ton of cash in it, including a lot of new equipment (very little cash went to marketing, we ran the marketing side lean). Sales started off slow, but by the first anniversary or sale number one, they were a very nice addition to an already profitable year. The equipment purchased enabled us to cut our costs on other products, and add a new product line, which was mostly a break even proposition financially, but was an enormous boost from a marketing viewpoint.
Stats driven models tend to be miserable at measuring this sort of stuff. Even worse, a lot of the time they measure the wrong things.
Remember me mentioning the cable companies? Their customer support operations appear to be based on number of completed support calls. Not on number of satisfied customers, number of competed calls. Which is why the cable companies tend to have terrible customer satisfaction rates.
L. Ron Hubbard didn’t work in industry (at least if he did, I’ve missed hearing about it), but he came up with a Sure Fire system for companies and ORGs to follow, which guarantees growth, based on stats.
Stats like number of toilet paper rolls saved…
Sorry if I’ve gone off-topic. Whenever anyone starts talking about business stats at a company I am dealing with, I tend to warn accounting not to extend additional credit.
The worst thing about it, is that it has nothing to do with what statistics actually means in the real world. It just stupidly count things, on the same time frame for everyone, as if this could tell you anything meaningful about productivity. I guess Hubbard had no more understanding of that field of math than he had of calculus.
I work in an engineering company (we make complex systems which necessitate electronics as well as mechanical parts and software). We need stats (real ones, not just counting stuff for the sake of counting stuff) to help us keep in check the time estimates we give to clients. This is very important for them because a unexpected delay on our part can cost a lot of money to them. Also, because we need to charge enough to make a profit, but not so much that our clients go away, we need to know how much time is necessary to program and debug, mount the system, test it, ect.
What is the use of counting, say, the number of bugs solved per week per programmer, for that ? Say that one programmer solves 10 minor bugs, some of which were not actually bugs but mistakes by the technician, and another solves 2 major ones. Are you going to fire or punish the guy who did 2 bugs ? If so congrats, you’ve probably fired / punished the most competent one. Not only that, news travels fast and wide in this field and you’ll soon become known as a company which mistreat its good employees, in a market where competent programmers are in demand. Good luck recruiting someone with any talent after that.
Statistics means nothing without a careful analysis of what it is you’re measuring. And if all statistics means for you is counting stuff to make excel graphs, you should not be left anywhere near a managing position.
I recall when Matt Feshbach gave a talk about flourishing and prospering or some such at our very small org. We were all in awe of him, I took very careful notes which I still have somewhere. And now he has declared bankruptcy. Pretty funny, that the grrrreat Matt Feshbach is bad with money. Well, he sure talked a good game, back in the day.
I would love to attend one of their Halloween parties dressed as Annonymous wearing a Guy Fawkes mask.
Oh, Dean! You are soooo bad! I love it!
I thought the Toastmasters thing was hilarious. Whenever someone gets the “come on” from scn, they are always told about how they can improve that person’s communication skills. Next thing you look at their PR “tech,” the way they “confront” (or not: Come on Davey; 24 years of hiding from the press? Grow a pair–or at least one!), and how difficult it seems for them to communicate even at an average level of competence.
So perhaps if they could sub their communications courses out to Toastmasters, there may still be hope for them? To top it off, bring in Flowmasters and treat them all to a good enema! If anyone ever needed one…
Oh, yeah, here’s yet another example of Scientology’s complete disregard for other people’s intellectual property: On the Game Changer car poster, the lead car is sporting a McLaren badge. The car in question is not, has not, and will never be a car manufactured by McLaren. I don’t think Ron Dennis would be a very happy camper about the badge’s presence in a Church of Scientology promo bumf. He’s quite possessive about his company. Maybe one of our Brit contingent like Martin would like to explain to Macca’s PR department exactly what’s going on, including a full briefing on Harry Potter and what the little Sea Borg twerp does for a living.
Gavin Potter and Matt Fleshbach are the financial wizards of $cientology? I call bullshite. Everyone knows Bob Duggan and Grant Cardone are the wizards. Poor Gavin, demoted from lead reg on the Fleecewinds, now he has to travel the world and actually work to get that 10% commission and pay his own expenses out of that commission. Who did he piss off? Why DM of course, his stats demanded more sheeple in the audience. No such audience on the Fleecewinds anymore.
Giving out the Way to Crappiness or Drug Free World brochures is just another busy work thing to keep the clam masses busy. No one ever reads them and any house that gave them out on Halloween would be TPed so quickly that the mOrg would have TP for a year. Wait… I see the genius in that idea. TP for a year?? What a great way for the TP Exec In Charge to boost their stats. Oops… 2pm has already passed on the East Coast of the US.
So who gets the massive mark up on the ‘brochures’? Why DM and clam central of course.
“RTC Alert
Dallas org is squirreling. They are promoting some other practices here… Call in the gestapo. ”
Laughter! Laughter!
Thank-you Mike for the funnies! There couldn’t a bigger pile of inane bs anywhere than at a New Ideal Org near you. Come one and come all suckers to an epic event to get fleeced and dumbed down by your favorite implanter.l Report back today and confirm your friends now, now, now! Report back, back, back!…..I implore,” Wake-up still-ins its time to leave and be free. WAKE-UP!!!!”
Getting 500 thousand copies of WTH in the hands of people during Super Bowl weekend in the Bay Area isn’t going to happen. It will be hard enough to deposit a thousand stacks of 500 throughout the city. Whether a copy goes into somebody’s hand or it sits in the trash, it’s disseminated and it’s a stat. It’s also “outflow” and we all know the universal principle, discovered by the man who knew so much more than anybody ever did, that outflow equals inflow.
I remember doing my A-E, 30 some years ago so we could communicate to some family after being declared. I bought 100 WTH booklets and told them I handed them out – which was true…. I handed them to the garbage can. But, at least I was able to no longer be declared. Sorry DM for lying about the booklets…sniff…
The only real stat for the cherch is how much income they can shame out of the true believers to purchase the frickin pamphlets. Once the fleecing is over ……….. you can forget the printing and distribution. It’s based on the original works of Ponzi, of whom El Con was a student.
I want to see them do it. A half million copies of the Way To Slappiness plastered all over the Bay Area during Super Bowl week. Then we station photographers and videographers at the entrances to all of the area morgues on the Monday after the Super Bowl to watch the “floods of people” coming in. Let’s be sure to get shots of all of the clams looking quizzical at why there’s no one knocking at their doors.
And, of course, we have to wonder who they’re going to blame for this lack of fresh meat. My money is on them saying that the NFL was taken over by the Ebil Psychs.
How to properly greet a major personage on Halloween:
http://lesbates.blogspot.com/2015/10/trick-or-what.html
OMG…the ASHO picture looks like a promo piece for a school for developmentally disabled adults.
“We have a big ball in our activities yard for your loved one to play with!”
So Feshback got busted hey? Couldn’t have happened to nicer flim flam man. I think he pretty much exemplifies scientology’s top product. Along with a dentist scam or two there’s a criminally profitable but very short lived future under the auspices of miscavige’s top financial poster boy. Many are chosen but only a few get to survive and not very long at all. Death, taxes and ripped off by scientology – life’s certainties.
I hope he get cross examined really well by the IRS about where the $ went.
Besides the obvious fundraising ambush, I wonder what important leadership change the Cambridge Ontario org will be doing? Probably like a change of underwear in the gulag: “You change with him and you change with him…”
“The house next door should be passing out the “Truth About Scientology” booklets.”
Such a great Comment…..needs to be seen twice!
Damn, nothing from HAPI this week. It just doesn’t feel like a Thursday Funnies without weirdness from Edinburgh. And, no, New Mexico pretending to be Scotland doesn’t help. We need more Join The Hubbard Clan. It’s just “comon sense”.
Oh, I think I had a couple sent to me and forgot to put them in. Will ensure there are some for you next week…
Please do Mike…. I worry about wee Fearless Leader. I have visions of him in the (not so) HAPI RPF.
And……I need to know nonsensical reason #78 why LRH loved Scotland
Espi, as a Scot you can join my Clan: Clam Campbell. If we weren’t beating up the English, we were beating up the other clans. There are some areas where Clan Campbell is still not welcome.
Arrrrggg, tis good to be a cheap Clansman!
I’m actually a little worried about doing that. Ever since I got my genetic breakdown back from the ancestry.com spit test that said I was 53% “Great Britain”, I’ve been wanting to verify which part of Great Britain that means. You could be inviting a Sassenach on board, and that wouldn’t be good for either of us.
Laughter! Tell me, Espi, are you cheap? If so, you probably have Celtic blood!
Things have come a very long way since I was in. Back in the mid 70s at the mission in Hawai’i, we’d sometimes get hammered on beer once we hit 5pm (on Saturdays). But, we never, ever, had the push that you see now. I, almost, don’t even recognize scientology anymore. It’s just a constant barrage of attempting to get people to come in and then asking them for their money. This NEVER happened when I was in.
When you say “things have come a very long way” I’m assuming you mean downhill.
What I saw when I was in was the transformation and the rot truly came down from the top. I’ve never seen people work so hard to correct the slippery slope to nowhere that scientology was becoming but to no avail, the able were truly targeted and thrown out or suppressed out of existence.
The beer after 5pm sounds good though, who’s shout is it?
You are correct, I Yawn. It’s gone soooooo downhill that it’s morphed into something completely different. And, you’re right about about people being targeted. I saw that happen too. The cult really doesn’t like people that are bright. I think it threatens them. But, the way it is now, is completely unattainable. It will only get WORSE. It will NEVER get better.
All hands fundraising including public,course sups,c/s’s auditors.
Constant push for bigger IAS Status trophies, sunglasses,jackets,pens,etc.
Redundant purchases of books you already have for stat pushes.
When do they ask for their children?
When they are 12 to 14 that until the Cadet Org
was that trashed. Hard to imagine but too much bad press.
Oh, Jose, there can NEVER be too much bad press for the cult.
Those Halloween spoilsports deserve to get “tricked” on Saturday night. Not that I would advocate such a juvenile act. But I’d love to see it.
Wow what a great name for a company making electro shock machines…Somatics LLC. Could it be that the owner of the company is a Scn trying to make money to gain a new status or “get up the bridge”? Not a stretch these days. I wonder why who ever wrote that didn’t sign their name? Motel money??? Really that is all they need money for? How about food and gas money? Maybe some money to do the SRD while they’re at it.
Laughter!
Would surprise me.
On their website, if you go in the FAQ section, they say that all psychiatric treatments including ECT have been opposed by “quasi – religious groups” 😛
I sense a subtle dig at scientology there.
Only Scientology would be so crude as to throw a CD full of their BS into the trick or treat bag of a 6 year old.
That gets tossed right before the apple with the razor blade.
It seems the orgs are using more and more external people (who are there to cipher some money for themselves) in an effort to get warm bodies to come in. Now you have the “Toastmasters” setting up in an org with someone who is much brighter and better dressed than the struggling staff who are sneaking cigarette butts out of the public ashtray. Well if it brings people into the org we might have a new Ron Mag,
“Ron the Toastmaster”. The youngest Toastmaster ever!
+1! Nice post, Mat!
Passing out “Truth About Drugs” booklets instead of candy?? Seriously?
Are there even any parents out there that do NOT know drugs are bad?
Are drugs for your heart “bad”?
How about drugs for an infection? Are those bad?
The house next door should be passing out the “Truth About Scientology” booklets.
If I had been one of those kids, I would have taken the disc and thrown it like a Frisbee back at the person who dropped it in my bag. Then I would have said, “Hey you cheap fuck! What in the Hell do you think you’re doing?” I was rambunctious for my age….
Laughter!
I’ve love a video of the WTF reactions of parents when they check their kid’s bags and find those. If the blowback from the parents doesn’t stop it, I bet the kids start bypassing those houses once the word gets around about the creepy weird people.
Lame stuff like this could easily encourage kids to try drugs.
There was always a few houses in my area that gave out Jesus cards/booklets instead of candy.
Needless to say, those houses were tp’d and egged into submission very quickly.**
**not by me, of course, I would never ever ever do such a thing.
Of course you wouldn’t, gtsix. But I did! Especially the Jesus booklets. I had a Devil costume one year and when I got a religious tract dumped into my bag, I’d say, “Keep it! I’m doing the Devil’s work tonight.” I’ve never had more doors slammed in my face so fast. For that, they were TP’d. Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha……
Matt Feshbach also has a Bahamas-based “stem cell clinic” promising a wide range of miracle cures for a multitude of diseases.
Snake oil scum.
Buyer beware.
They are good at recycling. I have seen the handshake image at least three times now. I would love to dress up like LRH, money overflowing from pockets, pills spilling out left and right, Jack Parsons on a leash dressed in s/m gear. No current scitols would get it.
OTD, I’d pay good money to see that! Now that would be some funny shit!
A generally weak and whimpy week of woefully wonky non-events and unremarkable wonders. In a few days the cherch is going to be hit by a hurricane of bad press.
Mike, help me out.
We always see the pseudo-urgency of seaorg and staff types. But if there is such a thing as the ‘average’ public scientologist, what is the typical level of activity? An hour or two, plodding away on some course on a routine basis? Spasms of attendance for a course, interspersed by weeks of inactivity?
From the growing collection of random photos of the empty buildings, its hard to figure out when the bill-paying public actually show up. The Thursday /Sunday funnies would indicate that the orgs are trying everything they can to get people to show up at all, and dreaming up special events to do so.
Wouldn’t there be some statistic about level of involvement? Is it also fair to assume that anyone who is actually doing something gets inundated by mail and telephone calls on a weekly basis?
Its a perspective I don’t see often in the blogs.
Thx
The OT committee notes that Mike occasionally prints show an incredibly variable level of attendance and course starts. The only thing certain about the OT committee meetings is that a ‘hat’ will be passed around for committee expenses. What those expenses are is never enumerated.
“This is wonderful…. Thank you very much! Love, Ron”. LOL. ? There could be some hilarious quotes from advices . I’m making this up but : “… Send that bastard to the RPFs RPF and fair game his ex-wife into blithering submission!! ML, *. “. Or: ” send the damned mess cook to the chain locker!! I’m pissing out of my ass!!! ML, *”
This is a $10,000.bit of advice for free.
When you go to any of these money seminars to get rich
you get poor. Why ? Your name and credit card numbers go
straight to David Miscaviges secret money tracking unit
to divert any money that you have as income goes into the
Scientology Bermuda Triangle ( network of offshore banks)
Texas Chainsaw guy’s name is Leatherface
In the one piece, they will teach you to “operate as an OT Now!” If you can do that, what the hell would you need Flag for??? 🙂
That’s what I was thinking, thegman77! So…….I’d like to introduce myself. I’m OSD and I’m OT VIII. I have powers beyond your wildest imagination! At my age, I can still surf! I can still drive a car! I still can play in a rock band! I know when it’s night because I perceive darkness! People come up to me because they know that I know that they know! Oh, hey, I’m at Target 2 right now so I gotta go. El Con gets a bit testy when I don’t rinse this clothes in 13 buckets of water…..
Why is that these Thursday funny always make me feel sad?
I’ll take a shot: Because you have a good heart and feel empathy and even (God forbid) sympathy for those still in? I know I do.
That’s miscavology for ya. As predictable as the tide and as slimy as a sludge pit. It’s hard to take an outright con job resulting in such a waste of humanity like that at times isn’t it?
Yes. Yes it is!
Mighty Miami? Weren’t they the org that causatively made LRH write the policy that says Org must have their doors open during business hours???
Heh. For some reason, they have a site that needs some work: http://www.scientologymiami.org/
On the official cookie-cutter org site (with a dash in the middle), they claim that their hours are: Mon-Fri 9:00am – 9:30pm Sat-Sun 9:00am – 6:00pm. For all the orgs in the world, the hours are set by somebody in LA, and I doubt the orgs have any say in it, except “Yes sir!”
Hand out drug pamphlets to young kids for Halloween? Yeah, that works so well!
Here’s the Anti-Marijuana Tract Some Lady Gave My 3-Year-Old Trick-or-Treater October 31, 2014, Katherine Mangu-Ward, Hit & Run, Reason Magazine