Somewhat abbreviated this week due to circumstances beyond our control (not really, it’s circumstances I chose to not control)…
Boom it with Filing
Makes NO sense, but what else is new?
Why I did it?
Absolutely no good reason other than status
Our stats surpass Mt Everest
Whatever that means.
440 million children?
They can’t even support “24 million”…
BS stats
This is for 150 Class V orgs, including 40 “ideal orgs” plus the SO Orgs and FSO and all Missions and groups. And it counts “extension courses.” I wonder how you can save 6 weeks on the 10 week Academy Training line up?
Give your money…
to Stockholm, Malmo, Oslo and Denmark. That’s where the real Vikings come from
Really?
Are they still going to be use their mimeograph machines in 2020?
We are sooooo close to the turning point of this planet…
CC Las Vegas recruiting for Taiwan
WTF?
They went wild in KC
It’s the LRH Birthday Fundraising Bonanza.
This makes sense…
I am sure MLK, CocaCola, AT&T and Delta will be thrilled with the association.
Fat Actress Runs Around Pole
This was probably a bizarre spectacle.
Blue Light Special
Making KMart look classy
Shelves upon shelves of paper-stuffed files is “ideal”? Uhh, what year is this? Can we at least get into the correct millennium? This coming from people who, with every new r/d, are coming “more into P.T.” Really? Compare to what?
Why Mr Perrotti did it – not solely for his own status. There’s also getting the reg to let you go home from that cycle, and maybe not bother you for a month or so. That’s gotta be worth something. And is it just me, or does anyone else see a rather forced smile. I’ve been an auditor and examiner. That ain’t going down as “V” GI’s in my book.
Kirstie Alley’s win: I now feel totally free to be even more crude, abrasive, and out-P/R than ever before!
“Shelves upon shelves of paper-stuffed files is “ideal”?”
Well, it could CRATE an ideal org if you have a match…. 😉
Classy comedy writing, I laughed so loud my poor neighbors must have wondered if the laughing gas tank sprung a leak.
“Translation Unit Taiwan is working on translating the Saint Hill Special Briefing Course into Chinese. This is vital for the opening of the ideal AOSH ANZO. In total, there are …
Qualifications: fluent in English, a tech-trained terminal or minimally able to deliver Method 7 word clearing. Chinese is NOT required.”
This explains so much.
Those “Join the Hubbard Clan” ads are so bad that they would make Braveheart himself disavowal ties to Scotland.
I am a Scott. I have never, ever heard of Clan ‘Hubbard.’ I am a proud member of Clan Campbell.
Hey cult members, if you want to play like your actually Scottish, make Clam Hubbard…
The Grant Cardone huckster ad reminds me of the legendary claim:
“I lose money on every unit I sell–it’s volume that keeps me in business!”
Some thoughts about the Taiwanese piece.
Firstly the typo on the second mention of the Briefing Course stopped me.
Cheese Saint Hill Briefing Course? Then I twigged at the typo. Cheesy.
We have seen the death of the Saint Hill Special Briefing Course, SHSBC, at the Saint Hill orgs.
We also do not get much insight into management planning in the Sea Org. This seems to foretell the preparation of the next release of this old classic course. If it is being translated into Chinese/Taiwanese, it could very well be part of a new release, which modernly all come out in many languages on the same release date.
GAT 2 for SHSBC. The course will never be the same again, in a reluctant nostalgic sort of sense.
If their dates are right, it could be a new release this year.
(It seems they are looking for English speakers, therefore the ad could be run in many areas, but, per Mike, Vegas? CC? Very odd).
Steven Perotti has a nice face. To me he looks real and not like a fatuous phony. Unlike many of these smug looking KA drinker/donaters, to me he looks like he gave because he truly thought it would help. Sigh.
“Fat Actress Runs Around Pole
This was probably a bizarre spectacle.”
Oh, Lord, I hope there’s no video. Or there is.
Of course an “orgs” (detest that excuse for a word) is its central filing. All that wonderful potential blackmail material to be used when needed.
1. Are you interested in joining the Sea Org, either now or in the future? No.
2. Do you know of anything that would disqualify you from joining the Sea Org? Yes, a giant sense of scepticism and a high Bullshit-O-Meter.
3,4 and 5. Refer to answer for Q1 and second part of answer for Q2.
“…Saint Hill SPEICAL briefing…” I thought it was bad until until I realised that it appears three times in that flyer.
Walt and Diana Carleton “…can taste it!” They’re going to eat the building?
Grant Cardone training marked down from $18,000 to $995, anyone else see a bit of desperation involved? #1 Training system in the world? I saw no mention of Grant Cardone courses available in Australia…oh wait, they must mean the Scamology world where fantasy and Demento the Midget thought rules supreme.
Ok Grant. You got me. You say if I act now I’ll be saving 93%. After doing the math I discovered I’d actually be saving 94.48%. At first I thought you just rounded that number off to 93% but if you did round it off then you would have said I was saving 95%. Right?
I decided to hold as my stable datum that if the guy who has the “#1 sales Training System in the World” says I’m saving 93%, then I’m saving 93%.
After crunching the numbers for a few hours without finding that elusive 93% savings I decided to go whole track. I tried working your numbers with the 21 different mathematical systems used throughout this galaxy. None gave me 93%. The closest I was able to get was 92.7319203% based on the Psychlo 11 digit mathematical system. (that stuff is only really good for teleportation and converting lead into gold)
Then it hit me! You must be linked to COBs hidden data line and have access to the soon to be released Golden age of Math. I realized I made a grave mistake by leaving the church. I was witnessing one of the Able being made more Able and I was being left behind. I decided I do not want to have Bigger Beings than I be able to communicate on a level beyond my comprehension. It’s time I get back on that bridge and moving up in Status again.
I was just about to call my Registrar/Ethics Officer but decided to finish reading your flyer first.
Everything was going fine till I read the last line of small print which allowed me the option to choose,
“No thanks. I prefer to pay $13,200”
Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggg!!!!!!!!!!! I hate the way you Big Beings toy with us!!!!!!
RB: “Out with it! What are you crimes”? LOL Just kidding!
Poor Grant and Elena Cardone.
They may have some HUGE debts after moving up in Status for the Church of Scientology.
They have given MILLIONS to the IAS. Little do they know but they are funding a mafia, criminal organization that does nothing for anyone but take their money and use them for free labor. So amazing this guy and his Tu Dee can’t see it.
This is a man who has no ability to think for himself. I don’t think he has many people taking his seminars.
Yes – his promo REEKS of desperation!
Scientology leads people into deep, dark holes of desperation in every aspect of their lives.
I am so happy to be out and free. I am loving life now!
I do wish that all Scientologist’s everywhere can wake up, look at everything, see the truth and go free.
The poor saps are clubbed seals that believe everything they are told while announcing to the world, with that insouciant certainty, that “they know”. They are the last to know.
Why they are not digitizing ALL CFs is beyond me. That would streamline so much work and make it possible to connect the orgs together for public moving up or moving to another location. They would initially have to do all the scanning and filing, but they are doing even more work now with paper and folders and tabs and these big shelf installations…..geez. I guess they still use carbon paper, huh? 🙂
GR, sincerely, and with no intention to be sarcastic or facetious, I believe that they’re not digitizing because that might actually be effective. Digitizing CF might actually WORK to recover some people, and that’s not Miscavige’s purpose. HIS purpose is to keep people very busy, very stressed and very broke – in overwhelm. I sincerely believe this.
remember – Scientology and Scientologist’s are on the tone scale where they do the opposite of rational and reasonable.
Please – Scientology and Scientologist’s…continue.
Fat Actress Runs Around Pole, because she’s too heavy to pole dance.
Mike W please don’t make fun of Kirstie the powerhouse. She is one of my favourite big beings and was gracious enough to share her largesse even while still winded by doing the cause resurgence. When she was describing her wins I heard she used a lot of the sailor talk learned on the Freakwins and used liberally in her vitriolic condemnation of her good friend Leah. I do wonder what the surprise that evening was though. Did she model the CR shorts and t-shirt they throw in as a souvenir? Maybe she did a pole dance to prove you wrong?
Sorry tony-b. 🙂
BTW, I heard that due to inertia, Kirstie Kreem couldn’t stop for her break while circling the pole and flattened two malnourished SO Tech staff who tried to help her slow down.
Mike W – seldom do a respond to negative posts as I’m sure you have the self confidence to feel secure about anything you say. However, I would like to say such comments do further Miscavige’s mission to destroy all and any tech Hubbard ever conceived. If that is that you want, I don’t have a problem with such an attitude, as it is all so very common. However, just like Miscaivge and his goons you’ve contributed to the hate they have against anything to do with honesty, common sense, manners and respect of others personal values and hence attack it relentlessly.
Personal attacks against someone’s physical attributes is an indicator of something disc-ordinate in the accuser’s mind imo.
How about funny remarks about someone who obviously would like to control their weight but can’t and who has been caught lying through their teeth to sell commercial weight loss products?
“Hubbard Tek” cannot be destroyed anymore than any other written blather can be destroyed. As long as it exists people can read it and laugh.
I guess someone who is foolish enough to believe El Con’s hype about Oat Tea 7’s being cause over life would be a bit sensitive about mocking an “OT” who isn’t “OT” enough to stop cramming food down their gullet…
Maybe Santa Barbara needs a good course on Aristotle (who is not and will never be LRH) to learn the difference between potentiality and actuality. Then they may figure out that, given the low priority every org puts on CF thanks to the magnificence of Admin Tech and the SmORGasBOARD, their ability to convert Potentiality into Actuality is pretty much nonexistent.
Yo, Saint Hell, you do realize that Nepal has cut down on the number of tourists reaching the peak of Everest due to the earthquake last year and the environmental degradation the area is exhibiting due to tourism, right? That means their delivery stats are going down. You know, just like your stats.
Technically, there are Scottish vikings. The residents of the Orkneys and Shetlands have a very high level of genetic markers that are more in common with Norwegians than with residents of the British mainland (and the Orkneys and Shetlands were Norwegian territory until the 15th Century). However, that’s a pretty thin excuse for today’s bumf, HAPI. Try harder next week. Maybe some more adorable Shetland ponies in sweaters, or more Fearless Leader. You know we want that.
Mohammad, there’s a woman who’s about to be named a saint who did more for the poor children of Kolkata than you could ever dream of doing in your lifetime. Your claim is a complete and utter insult to that woman, who, unlike LRH, is beloved throughout the world. I should visit Seattle Idle Morgue to give you the kick in the nads that you deserve.
How many people in general speak Mandarin in Las Vegas? That has to be a pretty low number in the first place. Multiply that by the extremely limited number of Scientologists in Las Vegas, and you get a very, very small pool to fish in. More like a dried-up puddle than a pool, actually. How about this, Scilons? Try the San Francisco-area orgs. You might actually get a bite with this particular wormy bait.
Now Hear This, KC Morgue: your Western-themed background and fonts are incredibly annoying. They’d put me off against going to your event. That and the fact that I no longer live in St, Joseph and I wouldn’t attend one of your events if you were giving out free bars of platinum at the door.
And finally, I’d pay $2500 to watch Fudgie the Whale try to run around a pole. That’s saying something, because I wouldn’t spend $1000 for anything Grant Cardone was offering unless I could slap him around with a rubber chicken. Of course, I wouldn’t bring the rubber chicken to the watching of the Cause Resurgence Rundown. Fudgie might try to eat it.
I’ll be traveling tomorrow, so in case I don’t get a chance to say it, great cartoon as usual, RB.
Great Post Espiando! Laughed out Loud! 🙂
The lies make me furious.
Rather than “Funnies” I’d call these marketing and promotional pieces pranks or riddles.
rid·dle
noun
1. a question or statement intentionally phrased so as to require ingenuity in ascertaining its answer or meaning, typically presented as a game.
Hopefully the game will be over soon.
God help these people (unless otherwise is busy helping people that need it more of course).
The never ending but always the same, ‘gibberish of idiots’ floods out of Scientology.
One could always hope this masturbation of a church will soon close its doors, now that is worth a status point or two in any sane person’s consideration. Bring it on!
Hubbard’s “business tech” really wasn’t that good if such awful disorganization as the “central files” resulted. Hubbard had a plan for everything, why didn’t this include the files? If everything was returned to it’s assigned place immediately after use, this disorganized mess would not have occurred.
So true TJ. I shake my head in wonder at the silliness of it. It is 1960’s ‘tech’. At best.
They are in a time warp. They face backwards, therefore they cannot look forward, like enterprise-wide integrated software solutions incorporating a CRM system of sorts and so on ad nauseam.
The part worthy of a thesis, is that many times the people going there to help straighten out the central files, are businessmen and women. Smart people too. These very same people would not dream of using the same central file system in their own businesses. I have seen it firsthand.
There is a disconnect between the rest of their lives, and what they do while actually in the church. I know many who use the business tech in their businesses, but only bits of it that suits them. They are not all slaves to using all of this stuff in their businesses. Some try and fail of course, but most of the ones I know, use it sparingly.
But, down to the org they go, straighten out CF, and don’t for a minute think that it is wrong. It is what LRH wanted, so it it good and it is right.
Therefore, a cynically suggested thesis, an academic study on why such discordant operating bases can coexist, with nary a blink.
Its not LRH’s filing SYSTEM that’s the problem.
The problem is that in Scientology orgs, nobody FILES.
Scn orgs generate a LOT of paper and no one files all this paper, and it piles up.
Month’s, years, decades of paper accumulate!
No filing system will work unless it is actually done.
All they’d have to do is FILE papers regularly, as they’re generated – put the damned papers as they’re generated right into their proper freaking files – but they don’t.
They hardly need to create any NEW files for new public because we all know THAT’S not happening.
The Hubbard policy says something along the line of Central Files being the lifeblood of the org – something like that. That’s the concept. And the staff have no disagreements about this. They’ll tell you how important it is.
But they won’t do it.
“Its not LRH’s filing SYSTEM that’s the problem.
The problem is that in Scientology orgs, nobody FILES. ”
No, it’s the filing system that is insane. El Ron designed CF to be the cesspool where most org paperwork eventually drains to. In order to keep up filing requires too many man hours that don’t really contributing to delivery or income. THAT is why the filing doesn’t get done. It is UNPRODUCTIVE.
Like most of El Ron’s “Admin tek”. It is loony Tunes.
I’m trying desperately to come up with something but I’m getting ia a scene from the CoS version of Monopoly: Go to the RPF, do not pass Go and do not collect your pitiful stipend.
Mike,
THIS is hysterical.
THIS is unprecedented.
Stats as high as Mount Everest, huh?
Mount EVEREST! OMG. Too much, too much.
Even for Co$ this is over the top and a contender for first place in our favorite cult’s BIG LIE HALL OF FAME..
Here I am at work, giggling non-stop whilst co-workers pass my desk with guarded looks.
A shout of thanks from one of your RAs (Rinderaddicts) for starting my day off with laughs even while you’re on vacation.
“We have Scottish Vikings.”
Fearless, here’s a brief history lesson:
What you have now in Scotland are the descendants of the murderous Picts, who, in the 9th century began intermarrying with the Viking invaders. The Picts were the indigenous Celts with their faces painted blue were more than a match for the marauding Vikings. In fact, the Picts were so scary and dangerous the Romans built Hadrian’s Wall to contain them and prevent their spilling into Britannia. (It can be assumed that the Romans paid for this wall.) The Picts and Vikings were a match made in heaven, i.e. very similar peoples because as groups when they weren’t fighting and killing each other they were fighting and killing themselves.
OK, OSD, feel free to pile on but be forewarned that there’s a clear Scottish strain in my family!
Seriously, my best friend in the Army was a Jewish guy whose family moved to Scotland after the Romans demolished the Second Temple.
Today’s Scots are really mutts. They’re a mixture of the native Picts, the Scots invaders who came over from Ireland in the early 5th Century, and the Norse who settled in the islands and northern Highlands, with a tiny bit of the Saxon diaspora that fled William the Conqueror and later Normans, especially in the south.
By the time the Vikings arrived, the Picts were assimilated by the Scots and the Pict culture well and truly suppressed. Kenneth MacAlpin took care of them in 826.
It’s why we’re so good looking!
Aqua, you said it all beautifully! There’s nothing I can add. Only that, my Clan, Clan Campbell, if we weren’t beating up on the English, we were beating up on the other Clans. Hey, they had nothing better to do! Clan Campbell is still not overly welcome in some areas of Scotland. One Clan we fought with was Clan MacGreggor. Hey, were Celts! And Celts just wanna have fun…
Well, I guess we know where the dwarfenführer is going to on April 2 (the 1st would have been more appropriate). Cue Little Feat’s ‘Oh Atlanta’.
How can any clam still attend any clam function? The level of ‘thought stopping’ necessary to do that should cause coma and death.
Kirstie Alley huffing around at Flag stuffing her face with a hot dog.
I can’t get this image out of my head, must call my shrink
AARRRGHHHHH !!!!!
You just had to go there, didn’t you, Jose! Well, fine!!! Now I can’t get that image out of my mind!!! Does your shrink have an opening?
Ideal filing??? What next? Doing your ‘business’ in the restroom Ideally? I’m so sick of reading the word, ‘Ideal,’ I feel the need to scream my head off!
If something is marked down 94.5% from its original price ($18,000 -> $995), you have to wonder. Pricing is a direct reflection of what the market will bear, and that is strictly proven only by done deals. So, when something is so severely downgraded, you have to ask: Has it obsolete by newer technology or by changing market conditions? Did anyone ever pay the original price? If so, why has it been discounted so deeply? Is anyone buying it at the current price? Am I going to get $995 worth of value out of this? If I buy it, am I buying value intrinsic in the product, or am I being pressured by motivators?
All I’m saying is that you (ie., Scientology suckers) should take Dagwood Bumstead’s point of view. When Blondie came home one day and exclaimed with excitement that she had saved him a ton of money by making loads of clothing purchases at sale prices, he fell out of his chair in exasperation at her inanity.
I wouldn’t give that douchebag a nickel, never mind the $995! Buy Now! Big Discount! Limited Time! Gawd, what a sleazy used car salesman asshole that guy is.
No kidding bogus stats. 1 Golden age of tech every 3 minutes is way less than 20 completions a week per all orgs, missions including extensions courses etc. and most of that comes from the big orgs. Scientologys PR machine is based on how to take their s–t and make it look like golden towers gleaming in the sun. They’ve got to keep convincing they’re hypnotized numbers that they are in the land of Oz.
Inspiration From Grant – 132 courses $395 dollars
Cardone Mastermind Group – 52 live sessions $4800
Can’t type….laughing too hard. 😀
You know, NOLAGirl, laughing at him will destroy is self esteem. So, please, try to laugh a lot harder!
LMAO!!!
I am getting Grant Cardone ads on Facebook.
Did you puke or anything?
It sounds like a lot of people are. And they ads are being pushed, sponsored and spread around a lot. Even to people that have very little and nothing to do with the Ology.
Its really weird that a person that preaches, in his hundreds of courses, to never ever discount your products or goods then discounts his own at 93%. He preaches to put in the effort and sales techniques to sell them for full price at all costs and then discounts his own “tech” at 93%?
The grant cordone ad looks exactly like one of those ‘Get Rich Quick’ schemes (scams) you see all over the internet, including the completely invented original price. As for what he’s selling – tips direct from the scn regges playbook, sign me up, my checks in the post.
He wants to be the Wolf of Wall Street. Instead, he’s the Goof of L. Ron Hubbard Way.
Laughing!
I prefer “the Douche of Dunedin”. It’s got that nice alliteration thing going on.
I’ve given up on getting anything done today 🙂
I am looking forward to the American Greed episode featuring Grant Cardone
“FAT ACTRESS RUNS AROUND POLE”
I have never laughed at ANYTHING as hard as I did when I read this. Then I showed my wife and I started laughing all over again. Thanks for lightening up my day 🙂
Yep, Tommy J, Krusty ran around a pole. She now has Super Pooper Powerz…
Not for the purpose of raining on anyone’s laugh parade or cramping anyone’s comedy style because these people are OUR verbal “fair game” but for the record, I’m sure that our true reasons for disliking Kirstie Alley have nothing to do with her weight, just as our loathing of David Miscavige has nothing to do with his height. Peace.
Absolutely. Very good point.
Not me. I hate fatties. I was a fatty until I joined the Army, and I was made fun of it as a teen. Lost 60 lbs in basic training and have kept it off in the nearly 25 years I’ve been out. Besides, given Fudgie the Whale’s on-and-off commercial arrangement with Jenny Craig, her weight problems are perfectly acceptable to be the butt of jokes.
Well, OK, Espi, I really don’t want to cavil with you as re your opinions of overweight people.
But I can’t help it 🙂
Let’s suppose that instead of being a proudly pottymouthed, pontificating ignoramus who stubbornly and blindly continues to swallow the koolaid and support a suppressive cult that wrecks lives and disconnects families, let’s suppose that instead, Kirstie Alley was an intelligent, sensitive individual, who, like many before her, all of a sudden perceived that she has been being duped, used and conned for the past 30 years by a vicious cult, and admitted it, admitted how wrong she’d been, came out publicly and admitted it, the good, the bad and the ugly, and in so doing, put herself at risk for exposure of all that’s embarrassing and gross in her Pc folders. Then let’s suppose she apologized publicly to Leah Remini, Paul Haggis and others she had wrongly attacked, and joined with us to bring this vicious cult DOWN – lets suppose she did all that – NOW would you continue taking cruel potshots at her because of her weight issues?
I am of the opinion that you would not, Espi.
But, honestly, now – tell me I’m wrong, if I am. In any event, whatever you answer I’ll accept with no further argument, I promise.
By the way, major kudos to you for the discipline and effort in shedding all those pounds. THAT is “cause over mest”.
If you’ll pardon the expression 🙂
On a serious note I only met three higher level OT’s and two of them were extremely overweight, like 100 pounds or more. I think I read somewhere they are forced to constantly eat while they are doing the rundown?
Tory Mcgoo44 of youtube fame talks about being 100lbs overweight to be constantly “session able” on OT 7 .. She’s a cute lil peanut now being out for quite awhile.
When I was getting my auditing I was told to eat a lot of quality protein and go easy on sugar and cheap carbs.
Kirstie Alley was a cocaine addict with an amazing figure and then she stopped doing cocaine.
I’m told cocaine kills the appetite and I’d guess that by the time her adrenal glands were shot from years of substance abuse and so she started binging on sugar, fatty foods and cheap carbs like bread and pasta to handle the adrenal exhaustion and sugar cravings that the cocaine had both induced and satisfied.
I was told by a former AA member that alcoholics are rarely fat because most of their calories come from alcohol, but when they quit drinking they also start binging on starch and sugary/fatty foods and frequently gain a lot of weight in a short time.
Paragraphs 3 and 4 are only what I’ve been told; I don’t actually know.