I burst out laughing, then crying, then laughing…
This sounds vaguely insane. Rolling down the sidewalk in a wheelchair laughing and crying – like this is good?
Learn how to indoctrinate your kids
What a win! You too can have gains like this.
Late breaking news…
The biggest win since the IRS victory isn’t enough? There’s a “special announcement” AND a release too…
Chairman of the Board’s strategy for clearing the planet
Buy empty buildings with other people’s money. It’s going real good…
Wow – more GAGging
Wonder if this will ever end? Dribble it out bit by bit so you can keep people coming back to re-do what they did before because now its “new” and “better” Remember we have already had GAG, then GAG II then GAG II for OTs, now the “final phase” of GAG II for OT’s…
OT VIII is like the Japanese naval flag
Say what?
Cause over the MEST universe
Wonder why he doesn’t just get the Tampa CF done? They are stuck on the letter “H” forever.
And then get the money to renovate the Orlando ideal org.
Get that property in downtown Clearwater COB covets.
The OTC is really on purpose
Amazing how this “OT Committee” activity has morphed into money-grubbing for the IAS
Celebrate the 6th Anniversary of not being SH Size
Come join us as we celebrate our incompetence — and hear an exciting announcement about what we are going to do…
Another IAS Shill
They get everyone pitching for them, even old Ken Hoden. Wonder what he thinks about the miracle of Portland the IAS claims as its legacy. And how come he cannot send his own email? Oh, ex-Int staff, he has no privileges.
Tampa CF here we come…
If Elio Cervi can’t get it done then surely D/COB for Foundation Hours can pull it off using his ultimate formula for Power and Energy
Audit a one-day old child
Just make sure you do it in a proper auditing room. They WILL know the difference. KSW!
Special Offer
This is a discount? Demand must have cratered when those special COB edition scientology is cool t-shirts hit the streets.
The Golden Shower of Dissemination
Not exactly tilting the planetary axis – nobody has yet to see a single thing from the SuMP.
Singing for dollars
Maybe they could get Tampa CF done?
One win SO BIG we are showing the video twice
That makes sense. Everyone else is telling their people it’s “one time only, do NOT miss this one brief breath in eternity” etc etc
Ex-SO double standard
I guess you can stay in good graces as long as you keep giving money – even if you are former SO. Leads me to wonder, where is Craig Jensen? He used to be so prominent with his donations.
This is really weird
Michael Chan is now doing technical briefings? Have they really gone this far off the rails? A full time FSM explaining tech and what is happening on the release of OT IX and X? Accompanied by someone who is NOT OT VII for a briefing you cannot attend unless you are OTVII or above?
What is the Cause of Stress?
Being anywhere near Tampa Org….
Taking our expansion into a new sky-high, unprecedented, level of operation
Whatever that means. But it seems like I have heard this before. Like fifty times.
Highest Ever Arrivals to the AO
That’s what you get when you tell EVERYONE they have to come in to “read the new materials.” Seriously, this IS what they did. Even OT VIII’s. The second stat — unreported — was highest, highest ever departures from the AO.
Some wisdom from Ron
Er, what this has to do with the Running Pgm is anyone’s guess. And this “success” is amazing: I have always been very successful. Except when I wasn’t. Now I don’t have to wait to achieve my goals (love to check in with this person in 6 months and see how their goal achievement is coming along…)
Child Porn
Milestone has a new definition
It’s whatever we say we did, and then we call it a “Milestone completion”. Really epic.
ASHO the first ideal Mission
The American St Hill Organization is featuring a mainstay Mission service — TR’s and Objectives. You know, down there before the bottom of the Bridge.
More child porn
I used to think HAPI was amusing. Now I think they are sick.
Central Files – Yay
Oh boy, it really looks like fun doesn’t it! Scientology – the fastest growing collection of undone filing in the history of the universe.
Psycho busters?
Ken and his band of merry idiots claim the psychs are the crazy ones….
Well, I really enjoyed this post today – thanks, Mike. So much truth but funny, too. A really nice bunch of people here.
Poor Mike Blake. I don’t know what else to say about todays funnies.
Other commentors mentioned LRH dogma on childhood not being “real” – How well-known is this particular tenet of faith with parishioners, public not Sea Org? Because it sounds like something they’d tell you after you’ve had a couple of cups of kool-aide, not on the lower levels.
I’m a never-in, so I’m genuinely curious about it.
Scientology is not good for your health, life or finances. It seems almost surreal what the timeline from 1950 to 2016 has revealed.These flyers and email advertising are a result, not a purpose. The Modern science of Mental Health indeed… the movement known as Scientology has morphed into a disaster of public awareness and opinion and rightfully deserved. Hubbard fucked up badly the day he decided to write policy. Its complete unworkability led to what you see today. Maybe if he took the barriers away in 1965 and made it all free instead of the KSW1 series it may not have imploded so badly. Then some asshole like Miscavige comes along and made it worse, hurting so many with his insatiable greed. Aw well… it’s all screwed anyway. I just want my family back, then I’ll retire. from Scientology watching.
And I want your family back too. Mine too 🙂 Hang in there IYL There are guarding angles about. 🙂
I know these are supposed to be the funnies but skimming through them, I’m not like you, Mike, I don’t have a strong stomach, I feel sicker and sicker. I will always look at them but not very hard.
Your comments are good enough for me, Mike. They are good and they are funny, if the subject’s funny, of course.
“Chairman of the Board’s Strategy for clearing the planet: Buy empty buildings with other peoples’ money. Its going good.”
LOLOL!
Scientologist’s:
“Unstoppabble”
“Unbelievable”
“Untrustworthy”
“Unauthentic”
“Unrealistic”
SLAVES who work for free for a dead criminal con man and a Psychopathic Serial Killer.
“SLAVES who work for free for a dead criminal con man and a Psychopathic Serial Killer.”
Lol! Sorry! I jest. Most true.
Scientology:
“Childhood is Not a Mental Disorder – It is an Opportunity for our “Religion” to violate Human Right Laws and Trap our Children into CONTROLLED, Robotic SLAVES that won’t think for themselves and will believe EVERYTHING WE TELL THEM about our leader, founder and “religion” !”
“It Keeps Scientology Working” (for free)
L Ron Hubbard and David Miscavige
Carol Lane needs to look at the bags under her eyes.
Mission Holder plus Humanitarian Status
equals COBOSIS. In the Bubble World the rabble public
will take more responsibility and fork over tons of cash
but 15 % run for the doors instead .
An “anouncement” so important that they failed to use spell check. Sheesh.
“How do I feel, after talking to an IAS reg? I think a metaphor says it best: one of OJ Simpsons Bruno Magli shoes. I’m an Old Sole, but now I’m all scuffed up, walked on, and a part of me feels like a heel.”
I would love to hear about the idiots taking their babies to an org for auditing. Do you know how much that would disrupt the org? Imagine 20-30 babies there , all screaming and crying. Their ages-maybe from a week old to 6 months. They can make new requirement that all babies born to scns MUST be audited before their parents can do their next step on the bridge. I saw 2 staff members go nuts when they came to sec check a friend of mine who had twin babies [about 18 months ] running around.they left and that sec check never happened.
Re: “The OTC is really on purpose” one way to gain maximum donations. Obtain a modest sized inflatable swimming pool. Place outside an org with high foot traffic, better yet place it somewhere with high foot traffic away from the org; especially where high foot traffic are families with young children. Fill with water. Sprinkle some pennies, nickels, dimes and the odd quarter into it. Put sign up saying “Wishing well”. Decorate with anything that enhances that wishing well “experience”; any old garden gnomes would work. Leave or at least discretely monitor from a distance. After a few days count up the number of coins, if you are honest take away the number of coins originally placed in the “wishing well”. That number then becomes your number of donations. The total sum value of the coins, if honest minus the sum value originally in the pool, then becomes your total donated, which is not as important as number of donations. Most likely going to win with this one. 🙂 You can have that one for free IAS.
Kyra Delaware … Kaye Champagne … are these senior flag OTCs all just failed Hollywood types? (I suspect that their husbands’ names are Tab and Rock)
Funny hah hah 🙂
Mike Blake expands while the coffee table shrinks, he laughs one moment and cries the next and reports getting a GLIMPSE of his true power. That happened to me in 1969. It’s called “LSD”. Scientology can evoke such experiences and if you are so indoctrinated, you will interpret those experiences as GAINS. And WINS.
But that’s small time stuff. OTVIII is where the big game lies if you’re hunting for flashy experiences. How would you like to experience, “a major shift in stable data”? That’s just for starters, then how about “major tone arm action lasting for a couple days!” with cognitions and insights snowballing? That’s OTVIII my friends and that is what J. H. is referring to as Ron’s having “handled the riddle”! What has been wrong with mankind from the beginning is lack of major tone arm action but now that the riddle is handled that doesn’t have to be a problem anymore so that’s good news.
“Childhood is not a mental disorder…”
Yeah I guess. But everything I just read above -share and comments- might qualify.
How does one audit a one day old and is farting and spitting up considered an assent?
I believe this is the auditing you do on a newborn:
You tell a little baby, if you’re its parent, “We’re going to keep you. It’s okay. We’re going to keep you.” And you always get a sigh! They’re so happy about that. It’s such a relief to them.” – L. Ron Hubbard
From the man who took his own child from her mother and locked kids in the chainlocker.
I have some relative patience for the man , whatever that means , but not when it comes to children , damn it.
And to all extent and purposes, tried to abort more than one of his children – and with sharp objects – if Dianetics is to be believed.
Mike Blake’s “success story” on the SRD sounds suspiciously like a description of a nervous breakdown. Given that this is a Scientology Bridge action, I’d say it was a nervous breakdown. Too bad that the clams can’t take psych drugs; Mike would be feeling better in no time with a couple of Xanax.
“How we got our kids on the Bridge”…I’d say the most likely answer is “at gunpoint”.
Memo to Carol Lane: Boston already pissed their Idle Morgue chances away. Or aren’t you aware of the fact that they 1) sold their old building, 2) bought another building, 3) never renovated that new building, and 4) are now selling it? And you’re a mission holder?
Okay, so they now have GAT II: Electric Boogaloo For OTs finished. Yay. So what does that mean for everyone out here in the real world? My guess is, less than nothing. For those still in, of course, it’s a mammoth money suck. By the way, does anyone have any specifics on what they renovated this time to justify the announcement, and exactly how many people had their “wins” (such as they are) invalidated?
OTVIII is like the WWII Japanese naval flag. And the OTVIIIs are the kamikazes. Banzai, bitches!
Does anyone else think it’s incredibly ironic that someone in Scientology is giving a lecture on how to disagree, when the act of disagreement of anything within Scientology is invariably fatal to the person expressing the disagreement?
“Bring in 250 donations and get a slice of cake!” The cake is a lie.
The strangest thing about the Pasadena Idle Morgue announcement isn’t the fact that the place looks like it’s in mid-arson (sorry, Les). It’s the invite for “former staff members”. Don’t they treat former staff members as something between traitors and child molesters? Why would they invite them back for a “celebration”?
The IAS “event” starts “when the sun goes down”. That’s when the vampires come out to play. And no one comes out unless their wallets have tell-tale teeth marks in them.
What does LRH Marketing Tech have to do with social media, something that developed, oh, forty years and a few technological revolutions after said marketing tech was developed? And you’d probably be better off in this age of social media trying to get musical success the same way that, say, Justin Bieber did: have your mother make an unholy pact with a pedophile named Dustin Gardener to get you attention (this is true).
“One win was so big against suppression!” A court case getting thrown out for procedural reasons. In Belgium. A place so inconsequential that they functioned perfectly for a year and a half without a government. Yeah, this is big. Oh, dear FSM, what can we do about these people?
Michael Chan and Gavin Potter teaming up? Oh, be still my beating heart. It’d be more interesting it if was Charlie Chan and Harry Potter.
Les and Ronn can verify that the US Army has its own “running program”. Here’s what I got out of their Running Program: three surgeries on my right knee and one on my left knee. According to Scientology, I should write up a success story for that.
Two more examples from HAPI of child exploitation this week. Honestly, this would never happen if Fearless Leader still had his hands on the tiller. He’s not the type of exploit children. John needs to bring out his inner Theresa May and get his org back under control. Expel the child exploiters, now!
Go back up and re-read the Kansas City milestone promo again. It goes something like this: “Hype, hype, hype, dinner served”. Isn’t the “dinner served” thing a little bit anti-climactic? And they wonder why they have trouble hoovering wallets.
“ASHO has an abundance of space”. Well, with the Class VI and Class VIII courserooms delivering nothing, they should. That was their bread and butter, the stuff that the building was redesigned for. If that’s not being done, yeah, there should be an abundance of space. And exactly how much does that Class VIII C/S cost the person redoing their Objectives, pray tell?
Well, back to work for me. Unlike the people at Santa Barbara, I’m getting paid for going through someone else’s paperwork.
Hi Espiando, Thank you for this post.xo
Espi for the win today!
Good post, Espi! Oh,no! Not Gavin Potter again! I am so sick of looking at that stupid grin he keeps flashing!
So they raised four kids as Scientologists.
How many did they start with?
if Scn is so great, why the need to learn how to keep kids in? Aren’t they just admitting that most kids leave?
Nice summary and very entertaining Espi. Thanks for some good chuckles!
Espiando,
Could you at least try to find some humor in all of these serious issues that Dave has to deal with on a daily basis?
Gavin,
What is up with playing second fiddle to non-SO Michael Chan?
Golden shower of dissemination…you owe me a new keyboard!
You mean to tell me a Golden Shower is not, in fact, a shower that spews out gold flakes? Man, am I behind the times or what……
Ways that OT VIII is like the WWII Japanese Navy:
– Sneak attack on the safe harbor of your sanity
– Kamikaze!
“There is no specialized state of mind known as childhood.” – El Con As everyone’s ‘thetan’ has gone through the implant stations on Mars, the children are learning and growing for ‘their’ first time. So why not treat them that way? Just another WTF moment that Lron caused.
Pasadena Idle mOrg invites all ‘staff, former staff and all public’ to attend their exciting announcement.
Why the number of ‘former staff’ alone should fill up the hall.
Lron wants to audit one day old children?? Of course he does, there is money in those darn diapers!!
Why is it that only fundraising graphs are labeled? Ok, it is only one axis, but you only need one axis in that graph.
Mike you are upstat this week on being funny about the funnies.
Speaking of funnies, I received a voice message from someone at the Atlanta ideal org a couple of days ago. I returned the call today and someone named Diego answered. He didn’t speak very good English and said he was updating central files and found my name, I did on of the TR courses there in 1990. He asked what course I was on, I told I hadn’t done anything with it in 25 years and I was done. He asked why I quit and I said it wasn’t working for me and I didn’t care to go bankrupt. He then said he was from Columbia and said a few years ago three policeman were getting murdered daily and he and someone else started distributing the WTH books and it totally wiped out all murderers in Columbia. I finally wished him well and told him I had to get back to work. I have to say he was the most polite Scientologist that ever called me, he didn’t even argue with me when I told him I had to get off the phone.
That’s a rarity. Call-in where they actually let you hang up without some sort of a reg cycle.
It’s nice he was so polite. But to be so utterly deluded as to believe passing out silly WTH pamphlets somehow “wiped out all the murderers in Colombia” is just laughable. The mind set in the bubble – and what they convince themselves of- never ceases to amaze me.
The SMP image is in the style of the Jehovah’s Witnesses brochure’s tawdry paradise images.
I have been dreaming of forming a barbershop quartet to ensure Planetary Dissemination.
Jeff Pomeranz,John Mappin, Marty Sherman and?Of course:Gavin Potter for the falsettos!
Move over Jive Aces,here come the Windbag Brothers.
Help.Tonight I am going to have nightmares that a monocycle-psycho is stalking me
Hi Xenu’s Son, Great post! I’m seeing your image right now.Better dig out my trusty night light! Yes ladies and gentlemen @ my age one can never have too much Light?XO
I can attest that the running program does work. I having been running 5 miles about three times a week, and dieting also and have dropped about 12 pounds in the last month. How can I thank COB for this technology?
Send him money?
Nah. To crass. How about licking the dwarf’s shoes?
Lick SOB’s shoes to earn the privilege of sending him money.
If he’s feeling charitable he’ll let you do it again.
“Send him money?” Ho, ho! Today IS funny, after all. 🙂
Hi Doug, Loved your post,but dm just whispered Will that be Cash, Check, Credit Card or all three? That is how you can thank me! Lol XXOO
Better make it all three.
Hi Doug, dm said Good Choice,now fork over more for the IAS and my magnificent studio that specializes in white noise.True congrats on your sucess with running.Poles not included!XO
If Mike Blake found out who he REALLY is and realized his full power and potential on a day of objectives then he just saved himself a quarter to half a million dollars since he’s achieved the EP of OT VIII already.
Well done Mike. You made it!
Don’t overrun those wins, Mike. Stop while you’re ahead.
You know, I would be somewhat sympathetic about the CF situation in orgs – IF it was because of the overwhelming demand for Dn and Scn. Not so, 99.9% of CF particles are being generated by the org itself. That is just batshit crazy. An organization that cannot cope with paperwork it itself creates. What’s even more amazing is that no one sees this as an outpoint. Gotta love that advanced galactic supremo management system.
Donate money, donate more money and get other people to donate money.
That is the mantra…..
If you want to enlighten your young kids on doing the Bridge, you could do what my friends did. Tell your kids that that there’s a magical Bridge and once they cross it they can live forever. All kids want to live forever, right!?
Disgusted with HAPI in Edinburgh- not the first time they have used little kids too peddle their filth.
To I meant- not too- so angry I typed in rage.
In one section it says, “What is the Causes Stress?” Well this certainly is a no-brainer: Scientology. In fact, the cult is a stress inducing machine…
UP STATUS ALERT !
It’s like Black Beards Flag !!
AAAARGH
$40 for a T-shirt? My entire T-shirt wardrobe isn’t worth $40!
But you get a free tote bag with the T-shirt. That’s got to be worth the money by itself.
Not unless there’s money in the tote bag….
Hi Mike and all, The only improvement after forty plus years is that at some Orgs at least no more Bananna Boxes!Probably the reason I have brittle bones today.Lifting and lugging those suckers.Now I see a huge out point,why not let us have a hand truck to use with them.Opps I forgot in Sea Org you make it go right!XO
Hi Mike, I am on the carpet just lying and staring at the ceiling! Your Thurs funnies out did themselves today.Where to start! Well for me the dude in the wheelchair.I am sorry he has to use one but what he perceived about his becoming free of the thing for a moment does not seem OT to me,but an action or feeling that would be normal for anyone to feel trapped by their chair.And what was spent to achieve nothing!Asho really is gone.Now we have great stainless steel looking letters as it prepares to deliver the bottom of the Bridge,for a price of course.That is very sad.Besides all the IAS money grubbing,what got me really wound up.besides the Japanese reference to 0T 8 via the sun rays on their flag wtf? Hey all you still in the sun shines on all not just your crumbling cult.Finally the children.Honestly you said it perfectly.Child Porn at it’s finest hour! Totally Sickening and very evil evil evil .Their parents should be ashamed but still blind they use their kids to shield them from the Truth of the cult.Those poor babies are a front to continue disconnection & abuse.OK going to,get my coffee and say hello to all the geckos outside!They love mosquitos!XOXO❤️
I agree Ann, as we chuckle through the funnies, those kids are always a sobering reminder of why this needs to stop.
Hi justmeteehee, Love your sensitivity,sense of laughter and grace.XXOO
Hi Ann,
Auditing in the ‘old’ days I came across PCs who would ‘line charge’ when a personal charged area was viewed fully. The ‘line charge’ was one of the best and truest indicators that a PC would change for the better, permanently. I sat there and watched (TR 0) as they laughed, calmed, cried, calmed, laughed, etc, for 30 minutes or so. It was always fascinating to watch such a ridge/counter-ridge burn its self into nothing.
Unfortunately Mike has yet to learn that objectives used to routinely do just that. He is unlikely to stay in the bubble for long. They will find him altogether too free and will have to suppress him to keep him in line.
Hi jrfool.Good to see you.Thank you for your comment about auditing.I never got to view a personally charged area fully,so I am thinking you had sucesses with your PCs.XO
How much filing can there possibly be at the SANTA BARBARA ORG fercryinoutloud!! What’s backlogged? Four Battlefield Earth invoices? Geez, how many public are currently on lines there … THREE? (probably not that many)
And Joe? They’re all older people. I noticed that with the Pasadena Model Idle Morgue.
The Santa Barbara CF file pic is very telling. All the old ‘dead files’ are in boxes and stacked away. The ‘in use’ ones occupy 3 small shelves. Straight up and what?? My dentist needs 3 8 by 10 rooms with so many racks that I can’t count them to keep his info. But then, he doesn’t use $cieno Admin Tech to make it go right. He just has what he needs to keep the practice going.
It’s mostly returned mail.
Ken Shapiro was my first reg at ASHO. What a nice guy he was, I always liked him. Glad to see he’s out of SO but sad to see he’s still drinking the kool-aid.
Ken was an ok guy.Not a GAT2 reg.
They really need to redo their glitzy cross symbol thing. It’s so 80’s and just gaudy.
Your commentary before each piece is really funny.
I’d like to know what Craig Jensen is up to as well.
That Gavin Potter. Wow.
And Ken Shapiro! I always liked him. It seemed like he was always being beaten on by the CLO when he was at ASHO. wasn’t he a CO?
Hi Toot to OT, Ken Shapiro I have not thought of him in years! He used to stop by the ASR desk occasionally and ask if I could get more $ from my Dad for more auditing.I knew alot of day staff because all the letter regges for both Orgs were in one room fronting the loading dock on Temple St and we had desks bumped up against each other and shared materials.I think a lady was CO of Day in 74 not sure had to clean their CO’s office too on QM.I just cannot recall if Ken was.He was nice to me.XO
So it’s not only me who thinks the whole dressage that surrounds any CoS announcement is gaudy and tasteless. One would almost think it was designed with someone who was having flashbacks. The acid kind. Oh, quelle horreur!
A Sharron Weber video promising “The ultimate formula for power and energy”
You can get a bottle of that for just $29.99 at the Alex Jones website! Hey, we older guys can always use a little more “pep” on occasion, let’s be honest … yeah, ok, you have to order it from a totally insane right wing nutcake and it probably doesn’t even work … but no regging!
*so Kenny Shapiro regges for ASHO for 25 years, in the RPF for over 5 years for out 2D and now has to shovel some moolah back probably to keep his real estate job … but Kenny, only a freakin’ VANGUARD!!! C’mon, baby, you can do better than that! I expect Humanitarian in 30 days … make that target!!!
Sounds even sadder when you lay it out that way Joe, at some point poor sap just turns into stupid sap.
“There is no specialized state of mind known as childhood.” – El Con
Talk about a COMPLETE idiot. The more I read from El Con the lower his IQ appears in retrospect.
Then try and reconconcile the T-Shirt slogan “Childhood is not a mental disorder” with “There is no specialized state of mind known as childhood.” The cognitive dissonance rings inside your head!
Scientologists are raling against psychs for going after those in “childhood” but then also saying the sate of childhood doesn’t exist. It’s like the Clear cognition I guess, the Reactive mind only exists to sucker you into auditing then at the end of that trail you are supposed to realize “I’ve been ‘mocking up’ that Reactive mind the whole time and I won’t do it anymore”
So in essence they “mock up childhood” as a thing to defend from the psychs (at least in t-shirt form), even though they don’t believe it exists per LRH. My head hurts now.
The cause of stress? I worked it out on the KTL clay table. The regg, course suppervisors ias regg were all there. Laughed my ass off. I probably should have been declared at that moment.
The Cause of Stress?!! Want to experience Stress? Go to Flag.
I have never experienced so much stress as my last 5 years at Flag, then the Freewinds. Invalidate Enforce Sec Check Invalidate Enforce Give Money invalidate Enforce More OT IV Invalidate Enforce More OT V Invalidate Enforce More Money Sec Checking Tailor-Made Sec Checking Invalidate Enforce More Participation Invalidate Enforce Contributions Invalidate Enforce More Money More Sec Checking More Clearing More Participation More More More More
Yea, I know – I’m an idiot.
Am I mistaken or does the Pasadena Morgue loo like it’s on fire?
Is the insurance on the building paid up?
Poor suckers! Their wins will quickly turn to dismay under the onslaught of relentless regging and forced disconnection. Tsk tsk.