Harlem Ribbon Yanking
First announcements – no date and time… You had to call to find out. Wouldn’t want to actually TELL anyone where to be. What if some SP’s were to show up? No, best to keep the date and time a secret.
Come one, come all. Please.
Cambridge in Canada being told to attend? What, they can’t even muster 2500 scientologists in New York? With a CLO, two “ideal orgs,” a “Celebrity Center” and another org on Long Island? They have to recruit people from out of the country?
We do mean EVERYONE from ANYWHERE…
…and now we will actually tell you WHEN it is, since the time has been on the SP blogs anyway so we aren’t keeping it secret from them any more (but the guy who first sent out that email is in the Hole…)
And on the subject of Harlem…
This org in the “epicenter of African American culture” has at least the Day ED who is as caucasian as they come? Not sure about the other one. But what is with that?
Jazz Potluck (?) is back
Food, entertainment, company, music. No mention of scientology….
It’s Epic
GAG II for OT’s is now FULLY in place! Woohooo. 
It’s not just LA
Clive is spreading the love and the wondrous news of GAG II for OT’s to even the lowly plebes in My Mammy. He will be busy in LA on that date, but his personal invitation is sure to draw a large crowd. And you know how well the AO is doing when is not there to ensure public are being serviced smoothly, but is out trying to get anyone to show up….
OT VIII Success
Turns you into a flower. That’s a lot of money to become a plant.
Colin Davie survey
If he is not begging for money he is trying to get recruits. I bet he got ZERO responses to his “survey.”
This survey DID get a response…
Nothing on earth compares to the ideal org movement…
Said without a hint of irony.
Woops…
This email went on much longer with all sorts of sordid details of what is still not done… The stat push for MV is over, so now they can let the cat out of the bag.
Really Woops
This is just “Phase 1” of the project…
Statistically proven…
This is the best program anywhere in the world apparently. Yet, even though you are FORCED to write a success story at the end they can’t even get 100% of the people to say they got the benefit they claim it gives. This is not people making 92% faster Bridge progress, this is 92% of the people who completed this course then said they made more rapid Bridge progress.
What are they worried about?
The Harlem promoters don’t want to say when the event is. The Freewinds promoters are afraid to say how much their “services” cost – except they are now “accessible.” Not sure how anyone can afford to vulture food 24/7…
Up Status?
Wonder if his status as ex-SO failed WUS Org Programs Chief in the ILO has been “up-statused”?
He Who Shall Not Be Named
This is a bunch of euphemistic speech to wink, wink, inform people that Dear Leader will be at Graduation (then jetting off for Harlem no doubt on Saturday)
Why I did it…
Because I am a fighter? Huh?
More Scots humor…
…and a bit of child porn.
And “Scottish thetans”?
Fervent filing fanatics fueling fantastic fun
This is such a low grade operation they are promoting 2 hours of filing time on a Sunday weeks in advance!
Learn the “tech” of selling anything to anyone
And find a good 2D to boot!
What, no FSMs?
Where are the commission whores?
What, no mention of money?
Maybe Monique Yingling has told them to stop trying to sell prosperity and closing and making money? Haven’t seen anything like this from the Moneywinds for a loooong time.
SuMP rides again
Everyone is doing it….
It’s a one time presentation
Well, unless you ASK to see it again because you missed it…
An Adventure in Intentional Friendship
Guess that is supposed to sound “new-agey” or something? Sounds vaguely like rape to me.
Dream Team?
More like “you are dreaming if you think this monster is EVER going to be done” team.
It gets worse…
Now you know for sure they are dreaming. Hallucinating perhaps.
Mike, I know someone who was on staff for a while at the Harlem Org. There have been a number of EDs at this org, none of them lasted. I could name each of them but then I’d be effectively outing my source. This most recent ED, the white woman Lori Alpers was longtime staff at NYOrg. Maybe she was sent to Harlem to put a good face on things, i.e. to have a Foundation ED and a Day Org ED. I’m sure she’s doing her best and not showing up in ermine and pearls, dishing the dirt like the rest of the girls 🙂
“First announcements – no date and time… You had to call to find out.”
NO ONE is ever going to phone in as it is common knowledge that even the Still Ins don’t like events!
What in the name of Xenu are these success stories saying? I hated comping courses because I’d have to get really creative searching for something to say besides “thanks Ron ” and other assorted bullshit until your needle floated. Glad that’s over!
The footpath outside the Harlem Heap is going to awfully crowded because I can’t see them getting permission to block off the street for the “grand opening”. Will the Dorkinfuhrer be there? Probably not, it’s not a “GRAND OPENING”.
Ooh, ooh, Clive Rabey! I’ll have to wear my plastic raincoat and have a torch in my pocket because I won’t be THAT excited to see Clive in action.
O. T. – Overblown Twits?
Nooo!! I wanted to find out what happened to the little seed after it grew more stems. I wasted a bowl of popcorn reading the thrilling opening exploits of the little seed. Boo. Hiss.
Gads, the opening of S. M. P. was so monumental, great, and dare I say it again, GRAND, that they are going to do it all over again?
Intentional Friendship? What the (insert favourite expletive here) is Intentional Friendship? Ah, I think I worked it out. When you enter some sheepbot will shake your hand while the regge behind you steals your wallet.
In regards to Santa Barbara org “ALL HANDS FILING PARTY” Give me a frikin’ break! Let me help you out here with a little reality. It would take 2 or 3 competent people, 1 – 2 days, at most to completely re-organize and complete the filing in this tiny room – unless they’ve went back to total irresponsibility of throwing crap in a box for someone else to figure out – later. In this failing org, which the SO helps pay the rent, they have virtually no new public and just a few old time “hangers-on” to suck the bones off the dead corpse in order to get a few bucks income each week. There is no auditing going on so no PC folders to file, no Div 4 actions taking place so no student reports to file, no Div 6 public to speak of, so nothing there to collect. But there is a lot of Div 5 actions going on by an incompetent EO working in conjunction with an inept DSA trying to track down and threaten all the SPs, with a kangaroo court unless they report in and get themselves “handled.”
Santa Barbara org is a micro study in total incompetence and cognitive dissonance.
Now that’s a distopian scene. You could film an episode of The Twilight Zone in that Idle Morgue…
“Distopian”. Thanks, OSD. I’ve gotta look that up, now. And, no, no, don’t tell me! No verbal tech! 🙂
Speaking of funnies, I got another call from Atlanta today. He said he had good news for me which turned out to be news of the ideal org opening. He said it was needed because the old building was not large enough to handle all their public. I asked if the new ideal org had a lot if people in it and he said yes. I told him it was odd then that every time I drive by Denver Ideal Org it looks like a ghost town, he kind of laughed and didn’t really have a reply to that.
What that guy was thinking: Haha…we’re fucked.
He had no reply because he knows its true.
Somehow I have this vision of Mike or Marty standing on a T-72 tank parked outside of Big Blue or Flag.
The end is coming.
And just a reminder. I
Infinity is the absence of a defined value, which is in practical effect nothing.
Jesus! Just thinking about a T-72 parked out front of Big Blue makes me drool…..
If you scan down to the bottom of that GAG 2 epic news flash announcement by Flag AO, you’ll note that attendees are being asked to RSVP to Scott Superville.
Now THERE”S a name that either predestined you since birth to become a $cn cult member or a cartoon character in the next “Toy Story” sequel…worse than being a ‘boy named Sue’ in my estimation 😉
From Tony Ortega, News about Scientology’s own Charles Manson, the truth.
The news gets better ! Enroute to the Hungarian Opening barrels of Pig Poop where dumped
from a white mini van in David Miscaviges Path. A fitting donation for the IAS, one member of the COBs security force was soaked !
Anyone know how to get the smell of Pig Shit out of a TUX ?
If the poo had actually hit Miscavige I’m sure he would have filed a police report in Budapest. He’s not one to let that slide.
Since only one of his minions was splattered it was covered up to prevent bad publicity from puncturing the upstat illusion.
Just want to set the record straight on the Fleecewinds Leadership and compentancy course. Some years ago after Gold Crew completed the work we had to do for the “maiden voyage event” Davey decided that the shoot crew would stay behind and so all are SO basics on the ship.
The shoot crew was devided into 3 or 4 teams. While on the course the ship public would watch us scraping rust off the side of the ship and doing other mundane tasks like cleaning out the bilge below deck.
We had to attend Friday night graduation. I recal one FCCI who was also a medical doctor give a very weak (in my opinion) summation of his completion of OT 8 I recalled having bigger and better wins when I dos the HQS course at NY Org in the 70’s. When it was time for us on the shoot crew to give our wins the ship public were awe! They were demanding to be able to be allowed to do this course as well.
Needless to say this was not well received when we returned to Gold. However I now see that they have managed to figure out a way to make money off of it. They should just scrap OT 8 and just do this course. At least you learn a new skill OT two and get to finally complete a cycle of action!
We finally have absolute proof that they’re creating these promos for us here and at the Bunker. We wanted more Fearless Leader, and they gave it to us. We wanted more Scottish kiddie porn, and they gave it to us. We wanted to see more Clive Rabies, and they gave it to us. We wanted to see a conference on the SS Mesothelioma that dealt even remotely with the mission statement of the Failboat, and they gave it to us. So why market all of this promo to us? Because we’re the only ones paying attention to them.
As for HAPI’s “mystery prize”, it’s Tito Twatwaffle donating enough for the sauna for the Putrif in the future Idle Morgue. It seems to be the logical answer. They put out a lot of promo a couple of years ago concerning the sauna in their current building.
Using a photo of Captain Daddybear to illustrate the “professionalism” of the SS Mesothelioma crew in conjunction with a Competence and Leadership course…oy vey. Between him and Webber, the Failboat is a living example of incompetence and lack of leadership.
So Tample Idle Morgue is now doing Central Files in “stages”. Are these “stages” contained in Admin Tech? If not, you’re squirreling. Shame on you, Tampa.
Using the term “dream team” with a basketball jersey this close to the Olympics is just another indictment of the lack of creativity that goes into the thinking behind these promos. And a photo of Austin Nickles, a guy who was no doubt bullied by the cool kids in high school, in conjunction with anything related to jocks should be an indictable crime.
Okay, who else thinks that the OTVIII “success story” sounds like the description of an acid trip circa 1967? No wonder L. Fraud hated LSD so much. LSD has the same effects as Scientology, only a helluva lot cheaper and more fun.
Why does Inglewood insist on doing these “jazz potlucks” all the time? What the hell do they have to do with jazz? If Miles Davis were still with us, he’d pummel the shit out of these people for disgracing the name of jazz with their promos.
“An Adventure In Intentional Friendship” sounds like a quick plot description of half of the episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Only without the entertainment value.
Well, gotta book a flight to Georgia, so I’ll let this go for now. Enjoy your day.
I could say that reading Illuminatus (!) by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson is the literary equivalent of an acid trip but I’ve never actually dropped acid.
Wow, it’s been a long time since I heard mention of the Illuminatus! trilogy. Read them way way back in 1975 and they are still memorable for their weirdness. Now I’m going to have track the books down and add them to my collection (waves fist at Lesbates).
The continual use of photographs of children by the Scottish arm of $camology is starting to really creep me out.
“Clive Rabies” 🙂
thanks for the good laugh
Thursdays on Rinder’s blog always make me realize how grateful I am to be out of that bat shit craziness called Scientology.
I know, huh! It’s like you wake up & realize you’re stll out and you’ll never, ever be part of that cult again. And then you let that smile crawl across your face and know that…it does NOT suck being you.
Yes, me too! So grateful. I’m giggling and shuddering at the same time.
Christina Kumi Kimball looks to have been in Scientology since at least 1989. Her main claim to fame was being Isaac Hayes’ manager and handler (as well as probably being the person who went behind his back and made him quit South Park).
She was also The Tornado in the B’way musical, “The Wiz”, back in the day. Fantastic show and her dancing was spectacular. We saw it while on vacation, years before I got into Scientology.
Earlier still; she was at the CCNY in 1985 when I first met her; I think that she had been in for some years before. Did her OT Preps at ASHO sometime later and through OT 3 at AOLA. Gorgeous girl and smart.
The greatest coach in the universe? Which universe?
I think it means only planet earth .. because this is a universe for them .. not really at all, but this is another point .
Captain Miscavige,
I forgot to report compliance on the program you ordered to decrease and ultimately replace this whole “Ron Source thing”.
We are gradiently replacing and decreasing photo coverage and credit from “Ron” to you in all outgoing publications. Makeup suggests a little less blush for future photo shoots, if that’s OK with you. And maybe a little less eye liner. Please let us know your preferences.
Also we were thinking of not totally replacing the LRH birthday celebration with yours…but celebrating both at first and then phasing out LRH altogether when the time is appropriate.
Hiel Dave.
You mean that Miscavige reads all his stuff ,, naybe, but it needs lot if time to get it all .. it means, he had to take lot of MUs cleared ..
HEIL Dave…
Your loyalty shall be rewarded Dude.
I was just pointing out that mis-spelling…
Good morning Dave,
Nicaragua got back to us today. It sounds promising, but they still want more details on your Swiss bank account transfers. We’ll keep going down the list Captain.
The ‘give money, give more money’ theme is somewhat subdued this week. Of course that just means you have to file or go to the Fleecewinds for a ‘seminar’ or ‘convention’ on something that they’ll decide on whenever they get enough confirmations to buy fuel for the trip. Pretty soon they’ll just stay at the dock and order food from the nearest Chinese Buffet.
Why all the attempt to keep Dear Leaders presence at the Harlem mOrg opening secret? Everyone knows he’ll be there to do his yanking. It appears that yanking is his most saleable skill. He is at cause over yanking. Why he’s a yankmaster! I wonder if Farrakahn and the rest of the NOI will be out in force? I do home no one tries that liquid pig excrement trick around the NOI, they will really get angry, real angry about that. Dangerously angry.
What is creepier than the Scottish Orgs fixation on little kids?
What word(s) best describes the Valley: porn capital of the world! I laughed myself silly over that one. Of course, it’s as true now as it was back in the 70s…
YEs, I think a logo for the Valley Org featuring a pornstache would be spot on ethnically correct. It is universally recognized symbol of the Valley.
Glad I don’t have my pornstache anymore.
Yeah, I know. Some of those old shots of you were pretty cool…
I was in my prime when those pics were taken. And, I’ll NEVER forget meeting the Rocket! What a gentleman he was. Whew! I was in awe!
🙂
Wait, you had a pornstache…
OSD, is there a secret ‘acting’ career that you’re not telling us about?
Well, Mike saw some my pics when I was playing tennis and dubbed my mustache, a pornstache. No films, but, lots & lots of ‘swing clubs.’ Those were the days…
I only had an M1 Army Mustache when I was at Fort Benning.
Laughter! Whew! Still laughing…
Aye, I noticed something about Scottish thetans. We’re not only cheap in life, but, we’re extra cheap as thetans. Arrrrrggggg…tis good to be a Celt.
It’s even better if you can be a Cultic Celt ……………. or perhaps a Celtic Cult.
That’s what Dear Leader has in Scotland. A Celtic Cult…
Of course, all of this is absurd nonsense, but I do like the graphics on some of the Scientology promotional materials. Do they subcontract outside of their mind-control cult? I’d like them to make up some really boss bowling shirts.
Please rename to “The Thursday Funny Farm Review”
A FAR more accurate title IMO 🙂
p.s. Alpers is a white S.O. Member. Weird choice to run a Class V Org in Harlem
Agreed! The Thursday Funny Farm Review. Now that’s truth in advertising!
Regarding the Colin Davie survey wanting to know anyone who might be interested in joining the Sea Org or staff, I am going to reply back to him in Pig Latin and see what happens.
I know a guy who is VERY interested in joining staff, his name is “Ike-may Inder-Ay”. He is dying to talk to you about joining staff!!!