The weekly funnies were pre-empted by the Aftermath Announcement on Thursday. I didn’t want to waste the work that went into putting this together, and there are some classics in here…
Rhythm of the Night…
In the Afternoon?
With sketches performed by our staff.
They’re one mixed up bunch in Malmo
With two decades of Clearwater PR experience…
She sure knows how to create that PR Area Control
Bet this is a raver…
A conference is supported by Government of India
I wonder who exactly and if they know this is scientology? They SHOULD know given the grammar in this poster.
Two years later….
They are now planning to “fill it up”? I thought just having an “ideal org” meant 10X expansion???
I note Drew Johnson is now back to being a “Class IV” auditor…
At least Riggs has the (ex) SO arms folded pose down
Wow– the CO I HELP EUS
If someone knows how to be happy, competent and disseminate, it’s got to be him. Or her.
Pasadena following in the footsteps of Foothill Mission
Now promoting ESL classes! Because Ron knew how to do that too.
Yeah, that makes sense
They really do pick some odd things to promote as if they are earth-shattering truths
It’s going to be YUGE
Bet they get at least half of the 10 scientologists in Portugal to attend. Anyone else will need to be bused in.
Makes we want to go… Not
Who comes up with this stuff?
Of course, another fairy tale
How appropriate.
Imagination is about the only resource they have
And look who’s starring as Peter Pan…
Battle of the World Tours
Contestant #1: Freewinds
Contestant #2: IAS
Contestant #3: Flag. The original and undefeated champeen of the world…
Designed for all those orgs not yet ideal…
Get ’em moving Erik.
Durban ISN’T Happening
4 Grade Chart completions in how many MONTHS?
But the BIG news — COB HIMSELF is “reviewing our space planning” because, well, you know, space planning just isn’t ideal unless given the blessing of Dear Leader (who is NOT involved in the day to day management of scientology organizations…)
Why not Kansas City?
Because Columbus.
The great battle of who has the most ridiculous reason for joining staff in their city is well under way.
KC is in the lead, but Columbus is determined to catch and overtake them. It’s trending don’t you know.
He’s back with a vengeance
Speaking of douchebags
Here is the man who promotes that “God wants you to be a billionaire” — but not as much as he wants me to be one, which is why I TAKE your money. Who really has the ear of God?
Seriously?
The truth?
And who is going to be imparting this? Those other douches who had their pic taken shaking hands with Donald Trump?
Valley following in the footsteps of Foothill Msn and Pasadena
Open Mic music show?
Magic is the new black…
Definitely going to be BIG NEWS. Maybe COB himself is reviewing their carpet designs?
Well, this is a wee bit embarrassing
Can’t find any Scots to take up the challenge?
Got a Frenchman to join staff.
Bringing in some Italians for fundraising at the end of September.
The Swinging 60’s
With “Embarrassing entertainment”
Will Plymouth open in 2020?
This is truly a recipe for disaster
This is “Results”?
By the way, you should actually READ the quote.
You have it ass backwards.
Success Convention?
Looking every bit as exciting as their accomplishments
Food, glorious food…
And Meghan Fialkoff!
Nothing like being second billing to homemade tacos.
250 miles?
Why?
30 years! Since age 14.
How terribly sad.
Yep, come September it will be a new civilization
That little van will change everything….
The 60’s called…
They want their font back. Maybe you could get it to Plymouth.
Believe in Battle Creek? Why?
This is AOLA in 2019
Scrounging for mini courses….
Hot tip
It’s been 2019 now for nearly 8 months.
I think Lee might need some objectives to get him in PT…
And maybe something to get him in valence?
Beware of the SP’s
They really are EVERYWHERE
Everybody’s talking about them…
Powering it up…
All those other ideal orgs will be Clearing California — just waiting for Ventura to be done to get going on it.
Once they are done it will be an “Ideal California.” Can you imagine, the most populous state in the US will be totally ideal? What will it look like? Statues of LRH in public parks? All schools using Study Tech? WTH as the official moral code of the state? ScientologyTV the most popular channel in the state? David Miscavige Day on 30 April?
Just can’t wait.
PeaceMaker says
There’s a PR piece revealing that “clears” made in Dublin are foreigners being lured with “prices…35% less” (yes, they used that term rather than “fixed donations”) over at Tony Ortega’s today as a secondary item:
https://tonyortega.org/2019/08/18/scientology-is-staffing-its-narconon-in-ireland-like-its-already-won-court-approval/
Plus they’re claiming that as a “Strategic Org placed by the IAS for enacting long term international goals for Scientology” they have extraordinary staffing levels:
“The Org is run by 30 Sea Org execs under them there are 70 class V Staff. None of these staff moonlight”
It also refers to “cases cracked” and examples such as “a parishioner [sent] by the Flag MAA….Now she is back in good standing,” that smack of subtle or even unconscious admissions that things have not been handled well previously.
PeaceMaker says
Oh, and it looks like Dublin is poaching not just the European orgs’ PCs, but some of the US’ as well.
I wonder if this is a further sign that in some European countries the orgs are no long making “clears” at all.
Jonathan S Mark says
I feel sad when I see Sea Org members who are around forty, like that French guy in Scotland. If they do not get out soon then they will end up on public assistance. CoS will be even smaller than it is today.
J.T. Marsh says
Why is the Malmo org’s poster in English? Is the Malmo org staffed by American Sea Org reinforcements sent in from flag?
Ammo Alamo says
“LRH personally wrote up the hat for my department”
Translation: Despite the fancy flat screens everywhere, I get a No. 2 Pencil and a Big Chief tablet.
“…we have 7 new Bridge Consultants ready to service you”
Translation: Our Les Dane trained stud horses are chomping at the bit, ready to service you, whether you want it or not.
Peabody says
And who is going to be imparting this? Those other douches who had their pic taken shaking hands with Donald Trump?
I thought this blog was about stopping scientology abuses.
Disappointed this came from the moderator.
Jenyfurrr says
I don’t think Mike meant it as a political dig. There were pics last week of a couple “whales” (top-level donors who keep CO$ afloat these days) at an event, shaking hands with POTUS. I read it as a reference back to that, as one of them specifically is known for being especially “douchey.”
Hope that helps!
Cindy says
Peabody, I’m with you on that. That Trump slam was unnecessary and I also thought we were supposed to be politics free on this blog.
Mike Rinder says
If that’s a Trump “slam” you guys need to be a little less thin-skinned… why if someone even mentions Trump is it a slam? If I had said “those douches who had their picture taken shaking hands with Barack Obama” would that have been a “slam” on Obama?
There wasn’t even commentary about Trump. It was the douches who ar3 trying to use meeting him to gain credibility fo themselves and scientology that I was commenting on.
Lliira says
“Automaticity postulate”?
That makes me wonder, how do you word clear a word that’s not a word when you run into them in Hubbard’s endless bloviations of utter nonsense?
Richard says
Always shaving or brushing your teeth starting on the left side (or the right side) is an automaticity. I had to override the spell check to get automaticity to print. You need to be in scientology for awhile to get the subtleties of c!amspeak.
I once had a dentist who did nonsensical whistling while drilling away. At some point in time he had decided (postulated) that whistling while he worked would keep random thoughts out of his head. An automaticity postulate. Get it?
Naturally I chose not to disrupt his automaticity while he was drilling!
Richard says
Elron renamed a lot of common observations of human behavior to make scientology seem new and unique. A.lot of people do things “automatically” . There was even an “obnosis” drill, observing the obvious!
PeaceMaker says
Richard, the use of made up words, and the re-defining of words, are also tools of manipulation common in high control groups or cults. Controlling peoples’ language gives all sorts of power to the manipulator; and that’s another sort of thing that Hubbard alluded to in his lectures early on, but then went on to subject his followers to.
Richard says
Automaticities sounds more scientific than habits.
Mark says
Hi Richard,
There are many complex skills we perform as humans that involve a significant portion of coordinated, automatic, subconscious actions. In the early learning phase, the actions are practiced and repeated until they become grooved in and no longer thought about. Whether it’s knitting or crocheting, mixed martial arts or pole vaulting, playing or composing music, or flying a helicopter, to name random examples, there are tons of critical ” automatic ” motions/decisions/assessments involved in masterful execution. There are several decades of research about learning, brain function, long and short term memory, and the process of acquiring new skills that are worth reading about it, if you haven’t already sampled some of it; that information has way more truth, relevance, and practical use than any of Flubtard’s sciency-sounding, bullshit bloviations about ” the workings of the mind “. I mainly present this information here to lurkers and newly-freed cultists who may still think that Hubbard’s fabricated ” tech ” has any intrinsic value, usefulness, or scientific basis( it doesn’t ).
Wynski says
I thought Rigg’s would have figured it out after his young “OT” wife dropped dead of cancer… Shame.
Balletlady says
I wonder if DISNEY KNOWS that Peter Pan is being USED for the benefit of COS?
Also some infringement with the “Star Wars Characters”
Cre8tivewmn says
When I first glanced at the Manchester backdrop with Chan speaking I thought it said Manchester Idiot!
Disney must have a full time law secretary putting out cease and desist copy write infringement letters. Scientology is quite blatant about stealing their images.
Can anyone explain the Battle Creek poster with the tiger and the beach chair?
So glad you didn’t let this batch go to waste!
VickiStubing says
Battle Creek is the home of Kellogg’s, which makes Frosted Flakes; Tony the Tiger is the “mascot” for Frosted Flakes. The tiger in their poster looks like he’s trying to hide his privates.
Battle Creek is called “Cereal City” because it’s also home to Post (Grape Nuts, etc.).
Jodi says
As a former graphic designer, that image almost made me physically ill. Maybe they’re letting a 14 year old on staff design these things?
mwesten says
Stevens Creekv? 🙈
Should’ve stuck with Arial.
Scribe says
Hoo-hoo
This is a story about a dude named COB
One small grifter with nothin’ better to do
Than sit around his palace, get high, and drink the booze
And here is what happened when he decided to cut loose
He headed down to, ooh, con the masses
That’s where he ran into a great big hassle
He fooled some whales while building his castle
COB took the money and run
Hoo-hoo-hoo, go on, take the money and run
Go on, take the money and run
Hoo-hoo-hoo, go on, take the money and run
Go on, take the money and run
Hoo-hoo-hoo, Ray Jeffrey is a lawyer down in Texas
You know he knows just exactly what the facts is
He ain’t gonna let li’l Dave escape justice
He makes his livin’ off of the people’s taxes
COB, whoa, whoa, he slipped away
Nobody caught up to him, gone the very next day
He got the money, hey, you know he got away
He headed down south and he’s still running today
Singin’ go on take the money and run
Go on, take the money and run
Hoo-hoo-hoo, go on, take the money and run
Oh lord, go on, take the money and run
Hoo-hoo-hoo
Hey, yeah, go on, take the money and run, yeah (yeah)
Hoo-hoo-hoo, go on, take the money and run
Oh lord, go on, take the money and run, yeah (yeah)
Hoo-hoo-hoo, go on, take the money and run, oh lord
AnonyMaker says
So are the neighbors in Inglewood finally going to be told what happened with the sword wielding man killed at the center there? If I were anywhere nearby, I’d love to flyer the neighborhood with a piece asking that question. Normally an organization that was a good neighbor would inform people in the area of what actually went on, but presumably Scientology is using all its means to keep a lid on embarrassing facts, and perhaps it’s going to take a lawsuit to get the LA-area police to reveal anything.
And the missions and orgs do seem increasingly focused on costume parties and activities that remind me of what goes on at senior centers – which is apparently what they’re becoming.
Aren’t English classes an old scam we’ve seen before? My guess is that it’s a foot in the door to teach “study tech” and then, of course, all the wonderfully expensive “tech” of “Dr.” Hubbard.
Richard says
Going to a mOrg and seeing it practically empty would be disheartening to a scientologist. Throwing costume parties or get togethers might be a way to get a group of scientologists together and.reinforce the idea that the mOrg isn’t yet dead.
In the 1970s the orgs were busy and parties in the Hollywood Hills were fun.
Mark says
So…the org is empty now, in 2019, and the ” handling ” is to have costume parties or fun get-togethers for the remaining few members to ” convince them that the Org isn’t dead yet “?
No new folks are coming in, the org’s “pr”is shit because, well…we know why…and, instead of addressing the lack of new recruits, or the larger issue of scientology’s pr, the idea is to get the 30-50 die-hard, remaining members together, dress up in costumes, and…have fun?
Come on, that makes no sense. It’s called denial. Having parties for remaing members does nothing to actually make the org viable; it does not magically transform the org into a place that the general public will ” flood into “. It’s not the 60’s or the 70’s anymore, the alleged ” good old days ” ; there’s an internet now, and a very public record of the cult’s decades of abuses,the same abuses they were committing then, by the way, using the same Hubbard policies and ” tech “, and getting away with, busier orgs and
” parties in the Hollywood Hills ” notwithstanding.
Richard says
I occasionally mention the way things used to be since a still in lurker would have no idea that things were once at least “less oppressive” than what DM has created. It might create some slight shift in the mental armor. From all accounts the sea org was always oppressive.
Mark says
I see your point, Richard, I think…
But, to me, given that the same policies were in place and the same degree of naked greed, venality, and criminality were in action( Hubbard ), I’d argue that the main differences are matters of shifts in the technical execution of the scam( e.g. the hell with selling the useless bridge, just focus on straight donations ).
Still, I get that what you are pointing out about ” better days ” would resonate with someone still in the scientological milieu who is in the beginning stages of noticing that somethin’ ain’t right…
Jane Doe 2 says
“Clases de Ingles” for Pas Org. The demographic for Scn up to now has always been Caucasians. I guess they can’t get them in anymore so now they promote for Spanish speaking people. Makes me wonder if they’ll have the kind of money the church is always hoping for.
Shereefe says
I LMFAO when I read the sign with Joe’s name on it. I can’t be the only one that finds that funny. All these posters reminds me of signs at carnivals trying to get people to play their lousy (fixed) games. Don’t they realize, most people just keep walking by.
Amy says
How do they get away with using images from Star Wars and Harry Potter to promote their fake religion? Weren’t they just picketing Disney?
Also, I’m in Columbus. They bought a huge building about 15 years ago but still haven’t moved. I went to a protest once, back in the day, and they only had three people on staff.
Zee Moo says
Gain certainty = embrace the delusion
Automaticity = is not a word Lron.
John G is back!! Scotland will be saved!!!
How much duct tape do you need to do ‘Life Repair’? Or is Elmers Glue all you need?
It looks like every mOrg is trying to net every clam or prospective clam on the planet. Can’t everyone see the trap that Lron baited?
Kat LaRue says
It just keeps getting more and more ridiculous! I’m intrigued that there are posters warning about SPs- is this relatively new or were they always around?
Old Surfer Dude says
And here I thought SP stood for Super Person!
Mark says
OSD,
Relative to scientology/scientologists, SP’s are:
Silly People
Sensible People
Sentient People
Super People
Scary People
😊
Scribe says
They’ve been around since Ron created them.
SILVIA says
Oops, the World Tour events are missing one vital adjective…IDEAL World Tour. (xoxo)
Ms. B. Haven says
You just gotta love that Hubbard quote from the Valley Ideal Org poster.
“When the game or show is over, there must be a new game or a new show”.
This is a classic move to perpetuate a con game once it has been initiated, and Hubbard was one of the best con men ever. Not only was he able to personally con folks out of their money, he was able to con other folks into conning people out of their money, FOR HIM. And the con continues to this day. You really have to hand it to the old grifter. He was good.
A bit of advice for anyone trying to make a life for themselves in the midst of con men, politicians, multi-level marketers, cultists, religionists, ner’ do wells, scofflaws, snake oil salesmen and scoundrels. I have found the following maxim useful, “fool me once shame on me, fool me twice shame on you, perpetually fool me and I’m foolproof”.
Scribe says
😂
Foolproof says
Haha! I must have really got under your skin. Or is it that you are all so fed up with regurgitating the same old resentful drivel that you must summon me for a bit of fun and verbal jousting to lighten up your dark mental recesses?
Here’s some light bedtime reading for you: HCO PL 5 Apr. 1965 I Handling the Suppressive Person, the Basis of Insanity OEC Vol. 1. In fact I suggest a mass “read-in” for (nearly) all posting here – this Policy will really get you all worked up and really frothing at your mouths! Sleep tight!
Scribe says
😂 Once again, thanks for the comedic touch! Love your sense of humor. 👍
Foolproof says
Nice to get a nice comment. Thanks Scribe. Your poems aren’t bad either, although generally the content is, well, not my stance…
Richard says
Foolproof – A few topics ago you mentioned, paraphrasing, that you had been “summoned” from the depths of someone’s reactive mind. I’m still chuckling about that.
It should be noted that Scientologists don’t officially engage in summoning, although Mr. Hubbard apparently once sought out his Guardian Angel which is common in many belief systems.
Ms. B. Haven says
Richard, I don’t know if scientologists believe in summoning or not but I don’t. I also don’t believe there is such a thing as a reactive mind so there is no place to summon from. Apparently a reactive mind is something that only fools ‘mock up’ and pay out the ass to get rid of. But, when they go ‘clear’ and realize that they have only been ‘mocking up’ this reactive mind they feel better about the whole affair and the cult has the money to prove it. Nice con.
Foolproof says
AW! Poor Chief Lab Rat. Because your C/Ses didn’t program you correctly so that you could get up to the point of running engrams you come on here blathering that it all doesn’t exist. Or it could well be that you are indeed, suppressive and thus can’t get any gain? Which is it?
Foolproof says
Yes, we all did strange things when we were younger men or women. When I was in my mid-teens I “worshipped” a (self-created) “God” which I called Zubenelgenubi after the star and because I liked the name somehow – perhaps I had spent many lifetimes in that sector – haha! Fortunately LRH then founded Dianetics and Scientology and I and he, could jettison all such silliness.
Jane Doe 2 says
Miss B Haven, “I have found the following maxim useful, “fool me once shame on me, fool me twice shame on you, perpetually fool me and I’m foolproof”. I”m ROFL.
Foolproof says
Oh! So erudite, so deep! I have seen the errors of my ways now!
From HCOB GLEE:
But this glee is nevertheless a kind of insanity. Freud mentioned that people
who couldn’t understand something sometimes giggled in an embarrassed kind of
way. I rarely take any data from him but in this case, he was right. It was a good
observation.
However, he had no cure for it.
You can get a whole area into a kind of glee when they don’t grasp what
they are doing.
If you see somebody in glee, get a Remedy B run on them in Qual.
Glee is a special kind of embarrassed giggling. You’ll know it when you see it.
ROFL!
Graham says
The HAPI guy obviously doesn’t know enough about the history of his own country. There have been Italians living happily in Scotland since the 1890s: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Italian_Scots
And the poor Plymouth suckers have to attend an event to find out if their org is going to go Ideal? We can tell them now: they’re all going Ideal SIMULTANEOUSLY. Which means nobody’s going Ideal until the runt of the pack is ready to go Ideal ie never. Defendant Miscavige has so decreed.
Zola says
So after 30 years on full-time staff, plus her years as part-time staff, Kathy is a”Tech Call-Inner”. Geez, just shoot me now.
One other note, why do all of the high profile ‘mouthpieces’ of the cherch, like Chan, Potter, Cardone, Mappin, etc., come across as such insincere, sleezy douche bags that are totally money motivated?
At least that’s my perception…hmm, I don’t remember declaring that insight as a win on OT3.
Ms. B. Haven says
Zola asks, “…why do all of the high profile ‘mouthpieces’ of the cherch, like Chan, Potter, Cardone, Mappin, etc., come across as such insincere, sleezy douche bags that are totally money motivated?”
Answer: Because they are such insincere, sleazy douche bags that are totally money motivated. They are doing their best to emulate the ‘Founder’ and his successor.
Peabody says
Kathy Chase, Life Repair @ 14. Is that it?
Kristin G says
I think there’s a typo there Mike, on the Durban flyer. Says “Our designs and space plans are being reviewed by COB himself…”. They left out the E – should be space PLANES!
PeaceMaker says
That reminds me, I hope someone is saving all the references to COB’s fingers in so many pies, and the lawyers have them at hand when Scientology tries to claim that he is far removed from the operations of the the CofS.
There was a heyday of court cases that nailed Scientology decades ago, and I think Miscavige is about to a return to the “good old days” in that respect. On a related note, I wonder when the last time was that Scientology had as small a membership as it does now, maybe the beginning of the 1960s?