One of our readers sent this to me and I thought it very appropriate and something I could republish while on my Spring Break….
What the World Needs Now
I guess I expected that having been prevented from mingling with other humans for most of 2020, people would greet the return of social activity with smiles, hugs, and good fellowship. But I was wrong.
An October 2021 article on time.com, entitled “Why Everyone is So Rude Right Now,” reported several incidents of assault on restaurant workers, a bus driver, and a flight attendant when clients were asked to wear a mask or control their language or behavior. Stores, restaurants, clinics, and even lawyers are experiencing ruder clients. Hospitals report increases in violence and racism toward their staff. Flight attendants, for whom rude clients are no novelty, are dealing with mayhem. (FAA fines for unruly behavior set a new record in 2021.)
I’ve seen it myself – many people seem less friendly and more impatient than before. I hear more foul language, and opinions are expressed with more venom. Traffic on the road is pushier and more inclined to ignore the rules.
Psychologists explain that the long separation has made social interactions more difficult. The combination of a contagious, life-threatening disease and a series of unprecedented changes in the rules of human engagement have left people anxious and, especially if they do not believe the restrictions were necessary, full of resentment.
“We’re going through a time where… people’s threat system is at a heightened level,” says Bernard Golden, a psychologist and the author of Overcoming Destructive Anger. “During COVID there has been an increase in anxiety, a reported increase in depression, and an increased demand for mental health services.” This is true whether or not we believe the virus is a serious threat, he adds. “Half the people fear COVID. Half the people fear being controlled.”
As a society, we’re not used to having our wants curtailed, even for a short time. As the COVID situation gets ready to enter its third year, many of us are frustrated. Even a normally calm person may be feeling the stress, and those with more hair-trigger dispositions can be set off by seemingly minor events. Our fight-or-flight response is on high alert, and it seems that many of us are defaulting to fight mode.
I think that some of this goes back to before the pandemic. There’s been an increase in rude public discourse, both from political leaders and in online discussion, which sort of encourages vehement emotions. “We don’t filter ourselves as much as we used to,” says Golden. “On the internet, people feel like they can say anything. They no longer guard themselves. And I think they transfer that lack of filter into public life.”
Yes, it is hard to convey a smile through a mask. And of course, we have spent quite a bit of time not shaking hands or even standing close to one another. I’ve gotten into the habit of meeting people’s eyes and saying “Hi” or “Good morning” or whatever, but I often get no response. More of us seem to be disconnected, walled off from others by choice rather than necessity.
This lack of empathy can lead to careless rudeness, but for some the bad behavior might be deliberate. Steven T. Zech, Assistant Professor in Politics and International Relations at Monash University in Melbourne, Australia and co-author of Recovering Civility during COVID-19, says “It’s meant to call attention to what they see as this kind of unjust policy, some discrimination, or some infringement on some other right.” In the minds of some, snapping at the cashier or the school nurse, or driving around with a big flag that says “[expletive] [elected government official]” waving from their pickup truck isn’t rude, it’s civil disobedience.
So if this bad behavior isn’t just a short-term response to the stress of the pandemic, but a shift that indicates something much deeper, then resolving it may be a difficult process. Meanwhile, what can we do?
Golden says, “All of anger management involves pausing.” So stop. Breathe. Lower your voice when encountering difficult social situations or angry people so as not to make the situation worse. Give up the need to have the last word.
Next, consider setting limits on your news intake. Most news outlets depend on advertising revenue and compete aggressively for our time and attention. They intensify the drama in order to hook viewers or readers and keep them engaged, which is why you’ll see the most disturbing and provocative stories reported over and over. As you repeatedly check headlines or social media, your levels of outrage and stress climb higher.
Finally, remember to give thanks. Thank the grocery clerk, bank teller, barista, delivery person, or anyone else who serves you and wears a mask all day for your protection. Thank the people who make your life better – your child’s teacher, your pastor, your doctor, your parents, friends, children, your spouse.
Spread gratitude as if it is air or water, because it is that important.
None of this is easy. But do we really want to live in a society that accepts rude, insensitive, unkind behavior as the norm? I certainly don’t. So I have to do my part to make things better, if I can.
What the world needs now – what it always, always needs – is love, peace, and gratitude. Can we reach outside of ourselves to offer it?
About the Author: Karen Trefzger is a writer, singer, teacher, wife, mother, and grandmother who has been choosing a simpler life for over 20 years. She is the author of Minimalism A to Z, and blogs at MaximumGratitudeMinimalStuff.
Mike, good message. Thanks.
If others flaunt the rules, it’s to granny’s detriment. I say. “Save grannies.”
Good for you healthy ones, but think of granny.
Almost every unmasked person I see daily noticeably applies the 6ft rule.
As a bus driver I must say that there has been a slight dip in civility but not much. But then again I live well outside the big cities of the east coast of Oz and the peeps that are rude seem to be recent refugees from the urban nightmare that is city life. This area is being swamped by people escaping from Sydney in particular and they’re bringing their big city habits with them sadly. Including their drugs. And we drivers wave to each other even in our cars. Same as if you see a friend on the road. It’s still a community of sorts where stopping in the local supermarket for a chat is noticeably common. And there’s plenty of kids that I transported to school who are now young adults that’ll stop for a chat. I personally think the loss of community is a big factor in this and that was (for me at least ) one of the big attractions of the kult.
Definitely is common in Aus (loss of community). In my job I’m taken to many communities and I have noticed that the county folk are a lot more friendly than the big city people, theirs even a noticeable difference between the people from Geelong compared to Melbourne. That’s where the cult has the best opportunity for successful recruitment, on targeting those in the big cities, Melbourne, Sydney etc who have lost their way and feel rejected and isolated by society, ones that have no community. Look at the success of Hillsong in Sydney, massive following which could partly be attributed to members joining who are longing for the love and warmth of a community, one that is hard to find elsewhere in the big city. Scientology is very aware of this and uses it to its maximum advantage by love bombing, creating a best buddy system etc etc
You may not want to answer but which town are you from ?
Oh, please! Lets get some perspective here!
OK, we were inconvenienced. We were restricted. We experienced some frustration, some boredom during the Covid lockdowns.
But did we starve? Did we freeze to death? Were we homeless? Did not we have safety nets in the way of very generous unemployment compensation?
What’s wrong with Americans today? Talk about snowflakes – Americans get that prize.
We in this country have SO much compared to MOST of the rest of the world! There is so much that we have here that we take for granted! We are First Worlders. As such the poorest of us are comparatively speaking SO fortunate, SO blessed.
I say, lets get a grip. Let’s stop spewing blame and justifying acting and speaking like barbarians and politicizing everything and instead give thanks that the restrictions of the pandemic are ending and that we made it through!
Just an opinion from someone who, at a young age, lived for 2 years in a 3rd World country and as a 1st Worlder living there saw up close the crushing problems the majority of that population faced, how utterly repressed and made continually helpless they were by their own government and how altogether slim their chances were for survival.
I will NEVER forget what I saw there – never. And what these people faced (and still face) on a daily basis in their lives is par for the course and pretty much describes every day life for the majority of this planet’s population.
Can’t we who have so much be happy and grateful?
As Rodney King so aptly put it: “Can’t we all just get along?”
Thank you; end of rant.
It wasnt just America – Australia who has so much more than the states and better covid payments experienced a epidemic of depression which led to psychologists booked for weeks on end and a substantial increase of people visiting their gp for depressive disorders etc.
One could argue that although Australia is a better country financially for its citizens that the emotional upsets was understable as we have gone through the longest and strictest lockdowns in the world. Melbourne is the worlds most locked down city with over 200 days but yes i am with you- we both live in prosperous priviledged countries with its citizens crying over mandatory safety measures. To me hardship is what is going on in Ukraine, deaths, lack of food, lack of housing – whereas telling somebody to stay in their climate controlled comftable houses with their 3 flat screen tv’s, 2 living rooms, where they can order whatever food and pig out as often as they like whilst watching netflix and getting paid for it is not hardship. I know i sound like i lack empathy but i feel people have lost perspective and the negative reaction to the situation is way out of proportion to the situation people were in.
Well said Aqua!
Hey Aqua,
You make great points.
Just wanna add that a lot of folks became homeless during the pandemic. Domestic violence increased. And so on. A lot of folks experienced real suffering and catastrophic changes in their lives…
But, yeah, I agree that,generally speaking,exercising some civility
and maintaining a sense of perspective on what we have been through is absolutely necessary. Ditto being grateful for what we do have…
Cheers!
Thanks Marc, and thanks to everyone else who responded to my rant 🙂
Marc, I get your valid points and do not disagree. My points were made based on those Americans (myself included) who were substantially inconvenienced but who did not suffer homelessness or real hunger and domestic violence, but instead experienced boredom and temporary albeit upsetting joblessness due to the restrictions.
My perspective comes solely from my own personal experience of having lived as a First Worlder in a Third World country where the vast majority of the population was desperately poor and downtrodden and oppressed and purposefully being kept in those conditions by their own government. To this day I compare every thing I believe I’m “suffering” with what I saw there. This is my own personal perspective and I’m merely sharing it. In our country we have safety nets. No one need ever be hungry or homeless for long. There is food, there is shelter, there is clothing for those who need it. There is all kind of help if one is willing to accept it. People in this country do not die in the streets while others step over them to finish their daily errands. Bone thin little children with extended stomachs and hollow eyes do not root in the garbage looking for something edible. America is a rich country, a generous country, an altogether forgiving country. One’s pride may stand in the way of seeking help, and I can understand that. In fact, I TOTALLY understand that! But help for all kinds of problems is available in America if one is willing to seek it and accept it. That said, in America there is still injustice, oppression, racism, classism, amazing ignorance, intolerance and downright dumbness. We still have a LONG way to go in this country.
Good rant, Aqua. I agree. I have a friend who lived in England during WWII and during the bombing of Manchester and London. Their homes and their neighbors’ homes were being obliterated, dead bodies were piling up, they were starving cuz the German U Boats sank all the supply ships coming over with food, so they knew what bad times were. Yet when he speaks of this, he never complains about it and never said that they felt all mad an out of sorts over it. He said the British people pulled together to fight the common enemy and that “everyone did their bit to help.” So now that we had a little lockdown and masks cuz of Covid, we complain bitterly . You’re right, we are such snowflakes compared to the Brits and Americans in WWII.
Thanks, Cindy. Yes, England was a living nightmare during WWII, and the Brits were so brave, so stoic.
Yes the Brits were so brave, stoic, and kept that stiff upper lip. Their attitude and saying was, “Press on regardless…” You have to admire that, And we could use a Winston Churchill type person right about now.
Thank you… It was a very very relevant rant!
Thanks for reposting this, Mike!
This is a message that needs to be repeated these days.
As the author points out beginning a few years ago there was an increase in antagonistic rhetoric, name calling, sneering, ridicule, blatant lying, etc in public forums coupled with necesary public health measures which have resulted in more social isolation and more anxiety in people’s lives.
It is true that this has affected people’s lives and in many cases changed our world view. I think that it is up to each one of us to do what we can to remedy this situation in our own circles.
Then the other day I was driving by a Society of Friends schoolhouse where I saw these words scrawled on the wall of the building:
” Walk cheerfully over the Earth answering that of God in Everyone! ”
So I am thinking: Let’s Do This.
🤗🤗💖💖💖🤗🤗
“What the world needs now – what it always, always needs – is love, peace, and gratitude. Can we reach outside of ourselves to offer it?”
Thank you, author Karen Trefzger, and thank you, Mike, for posting.
For over two years Covid was a shock to the system, particularly in the most locked down states. Most people have psychologically recovered and are getting back to normal. Now it’s back to being all about the oil like it has been since the Arab oil embargo in 1973. No oil and down the chute you go.
I know this is a “feel good” topic but I’m not about meditating and being calm and peaceful while religious climate zealots continue to push for saving the world from fossil fuels with impossible targets and goals. There is actually some movement in Congress to put forward legislation which would allow future “Climate Crisis” lockdowns. Ugh
If you donate Humanitarian Aid to The Ukraine please follow this link.
https://bank.gov.ua/en/news/all/natsionalniy-bank-vidkriv-rahunok-dlya-gumanitarnoyi-dopomogi-ukrayintsyam-postrajdalim-vid-rosiyskoyi-agresiyi
Thank you for posting this!
What a beautiful way to start the day. Thank you for this.
Here in Thailand, one of the worse things you can do culturally and in the way people will think of you, is to lose your temper, be angry or be rude.
It is an agreed on cultural point to be friendly, calm and respectful with other people . I moved here 13 years ago and it’s a good way for people to live.
Great Country always felt it.
Thailand sounds like New York City and Philadelphia.
.
That was a corny joke and maybe got a snicker? Some advice I read somewhere which I don’t always follow is to laugh out loud at least once every day even if you don’t have a reason to do so. Maybe it reminds you it’s still possible and probably stretches some unused muscles.
I lived in both cities for about a year each and they both had some plus points. Big city life. A comedian once joked that New Yorkers don’t have road rules – they’re more like guidelines.
I live 450 miles north of Bangkok in Chiang Mai, but I have been to most of the great cities in Europe and Asia, and Bangkok feels more like New York City than any of them. Been to Philly a few times, great town. New Orleans one of my favorite American cities, along with my hometown, San Francisco.
Nice.
“It is an agreed on CULTURAL point to be friendly, calm and respectful with other people. (Emphasis mine)”
A cultural point…how nice. How civilized!